Another Prison another Town Part 2- Irish Lullaby
So this is it. He thought. Nothing left to do but to wait. Wait for them to get me back to that tiny room , people yelling and ordering me around. *Fuck* my life is *really* fucked up... O.K stop it O´reily, this is exactly what that *fuck* of a hack wants. He wants you to sit here and get weak and sobby so that he can break you down and into "prisonshape..." Ryan thought, remembering his short conversation with Mc Manus. Well, let them try, he thought, because it won´t *fucking* happen!!
He noticed something red on the end of his arm and looked down where he had had his arm just a minute ago, at his knee. It was bleeding quite a lot now, and the wound was dirty, too. Fuck! He thought. The way things are going in here, I´ll probably die from fucking sepsis or the fuck it's called!
He suddenly remembered coming home one day when he was 4 or 5 years old, having fallen on his way from school. He was crying, knee hurt and trousers torn. His moth... stepmother had kissed him and hugged him and told him that it was all going to be ok, and then he and Cyril both had gotten milk and cookies as a treat to make things better.
He missed that life, it was before the gangs and everything. It had all seemed so simple, you had something bad happen, and some milk and cookies could make it better. Or you did something bad and you got a pasting, and as much as it hurt and was frightening, that was the end of it. There was no hole to be thrown into, (Alright so I did get locked in the attic a few times, and of course I got sent to his room ever so often, but the point was you got out fairly quickly!) There was no being locked up forever and ever, not ever being let out into the sunlight and fresh air. No "life + 40 years" to wake up to everyday. *Fuck* life was so much simpler then, why can't it be now... Stop it O´reily! Get your head straight! Don't fucking think like this, it won't do you any *fucking* good!! Sleep! That's right, I need sleep! Of course I'm thinking crazy, I'm worn out from not being able to lie down comfortable due to the fucking cuffs and all the other shit. All thanks to that *fucking hack* and the *fucking warden*, and most of all that *fucking cocksucker* Mc Manus!
He tried lying down comfortably on the hard cement floor. Finding a good position proved to be difficult... But as he found when he lied down, he was so tired that the cold, wet feeling against his body and the lack of something under his head didn't bother him much.
He fell asleep.
His stepmother's milk and cookies where a far cry from the day-old-stale- bread-and-water diet he received the following days, or had it been a week by now?
With the room being a constant night, and meals all the same, time slipped into itself, beginning again every time he woke up.
The wound on his knee wasn't getting any better either, it had started to puss. But I'll be damned before I ask one of these cocksuckers for help!! He thought. Speaking of cocksuckers, he hadn't had a visit from that old fucker of a hack since the day he got thrown in here, nor a visit from Mc Manus, but that he was more than happy about.
"Lunch!!" The guard yelled as he opened the hatch to push the tray in. No big surprise, water with that funky shit in it, and stale, old fucking bread. Welcome to the rest of your life O'reily, he thought gloomily to himself. He felt like it had been an eternity.
"Hey, O´reily!" he got startled and looked up at the hatch. "So how has your week been?" voice filled with irony.
It was one of the hacks, having a go at him; but with the hack on the other side of an iron door, with a hatch that closed from the outside, there was nothing he could do about it...
"Fuck off!!" he yelled at the guard.
"Yeah, yeah." The guard said. " You won't be so cocky after Officer Jones has had his way with you. He's coming by this afternoon, so I'd be sure to be on my best behavior if I were you O´reily!"
"Yeah, well he can go *fuck* himself!!" O'reily yelled, as the hack closed the hatch.
Deep down though, he was glad to finally get some human contact with someone other than the guards, shoving his breakfast-lunch-dinner-who-the- hell-cared-which-meal-it-was-it-was-still-disgusting-bread and water in through the hatch and the leaving him without a word and nothing to do but to sleep, and think...
That was probably the worst bit about the hole; sure it was cold (it's fucking February and they stick me in here to freeze my balls off!!) and dark, but the worst part about being lonely for more than 12 hours at a time was that you started thinking...
About family, (and O'reily *really* didn't want to go there). Your life in general and future plans, (Oh! Yes I plan on spending the rest of my life in this *fuckhole*, being pushed around by *fucking* hacks that want nothing more than to have a go at me. I really have nothing more important to do...) And most depressing of all, actually trying to figure out what had brought him here. Because even though he tried his *very best* to turn the old hack's words out of mind, it was really, really...
*************************************************************************** Jones's week had been a busy one. First the arrival of O´reily and then taking care of him, and then of course the paperwork when the boy had managed to get himself thrown into the hole.
Because even though it was Mc Manus that had ordered that the boy be thrown into the hole (You usually needed to be two people to tango...) *He* was the one who ended up with all the paperwork.
He was also making sure that the boy got his breakfast-lunch-dinner water and bread, mixing some dextrose in the water every time. The boy obviously needed something extra in his diet, low blood sugar probably, no sense in taking chances of him getting injured now that I'm so close to getting things sorted for him.
Also, he was struggling to make the program for the boy look presentable to the warden and Mc Manus, Mc Manus being the one that would need the most convincing.
On top of all of this, he had to take his dog, Maggie the Basset, to the vet; (bloody ears playing up again!!)
*************************************************************************** A couple of hours later Ryan heard the door open, and the old hack entered.
Ryan didn't get up. He didn't want the hack to get any funny ideas about his visit meaning *shit* to him!
"So, you have survived so far I see," the hack said, trying to make conversation, or being friendly or the fuck do I know Ryan thought. He had no intention of answering.
"I see that you are angry. That's quite understandable, although if you think about it, I'm sure you realize that you brought this on yourself."
The *fuck* I did! Ryan thought.
"Anyway, I'm here to make you an offer."
Ryan suddenly got much more interested in what the hack had to say!
"I have had a talk with Mc Manus and the warden, and they'll let you out of the hole, *on the condition* that you participate in a program that has been specially drawn up for you by me."
"Oh yeah!! And what does this "program" *shit* involve??" Ryan asked cockily.
Jones took a deep breath and managed to control his anger over the fact that the boy had so easily apparently dismissed his program already.
" Well, first of all, and you must understand that this is subject to change, so new demands can be made on you at any time, it involves respecting primarily me and secondly the other guards and staff. I know it might be hard, seeing since you obviously have no manners what so ever, but I'm sure you'll learn some at some point." At this Ryan snorted.
"Secondly, it involves a steady work routine with what ever we appoint you to do. Thirdly it involves you participating in some practices that I have drawn up for you, and also going to the prison psychiatrist once a week."
Ryan sighed. Now, *that* was something he *really didn't * want to do!!!
But then again I might have to go and just sit there, in order to get out of this shithole! He thought.
"But the most important thing for you physically, is that this program involves the same thing as the CP-program."
Ryan was confused, " the most important thing physically"?
"Now did you get a chance to read the folder that the warden gave you about the CP-program?" The hack asked.
"*No,* I didn't because that *fucking* cocksucker Mc Manus had me thrown in here!" Ryan issued cockily.
"Hmm, that's not entirely true; " the hack said harshly, his face stern. "*You* had *yourself* thrown in here. *You* were cocky towards a superior and so you got punished for what *you* had done!"
"Yeah, Yeah." Ryan replied.
"Very well, I'll leave you here with these papers about the new program I have drawn up for you, and you consider it for a few days," the hack said and threw him a bunch of computer written pages. He then left.
And so once again Ryan was alone...
He got up, and fetched the papers that the guard had thrown in.
"Alternative rehabilitation plan for prisoner 0608O6498, Ryan O´reily"
"Rehabilitation"... what a load of bullshit!! Oh well, might as well continue reading, not much else to do in this fuckhole!! He thought.
"Presentation: The essence of the program is a few methods of treatment such as counseling, victim-perpetrator meetings, and meeting with other persons who has had an influence of the prisoners life, such as family,"
*NOT* something I want to do...
" A harsh and steady work-routine,"
Harsh... scrubbing floors from dusk till dawn no doubt! Is it worth it? I want out though, and if this is the only way... Oh fuck it! Just read Ryan, don't think, just fuckin' read!!!
"Anger management and anti-drug classes,"
Been there done that, but hey if that means they might let me out...
" Continuous close supervision of the prisoner."
*Fuck* there goes the moneymaking! Unless I'm really subtle about it...I'm sure I can get away with some trading, but that's a later question, have to get out of this fuckhole first!!
"Personnel in charge of punishment of prisoner: Punishment for lighter disciplinary problems will be dealt with by officer Jones. In case of severe disobedience, punishment will be determent by Warden Hughes in conjunction with Officer Jones and Mister Mc Manus."
*Oh fuck!!* they're gonna let that cocksucker Mc Manus in on this thing?!
Method of punishment: Punishment according to the prison-regulations with a supplementary possibility of use of corporal punishment, as allowed by the State, in document 187492J/2002 paragraph 1- 265."
*Fucking hell!!!* "Corporal punishment"!?! I thought they ditched that in the nineteen hundreds!?! He thought. On the other hand, how fucking bad can it be, Cyril and I got our knocks from dad so...
He remembered every one talking about "the CP-program", and the hack saying: "... the most important thing for you physically, is that this program involves the same thing as the CP-program." That must have been what he meant.
"The punishment-methods are subject to change at any given point, and no warning is required to be given to the prisoner. Nor will he be able to leave the program should any light changes of any kind in the program occur."
*Fuck* So when...*if* I say yes... that means I'm stuck!
" What the prisoner will be able to gain by participating in the program:"
*NOW* we're talking...
" The prisoner will be able to get released from administrative segregation following his agreement to join the program. This does not however mean that he will not be sent there again if he oversteps the disciplinary boundaries of the program or the prison regulations in general."
*Fuck you*!
" If the prisoner responds well to the program and is obedient,"
Sounds like I'm a *fucking dog!*
"he MIGHT also be given other privileges, but there is no certainty of this."
*ALRIGHT* *finally*, some perks in this hellhole!
"All things stated in this document are subject to change."
Then there were the usual signing lines... "I Ryan O´reily promise that I will follow the rules of the program as well as prison regulations, or I will be subject to punishment dealt out by stated personnel of Kansas State Correctional Facility in Sterling."
So, was this what he wanted? He wasn't absolutely sure, Corporal punishment and all, but what he was sure of was that he didn't want to stay a minute longer in this hellhole!
He then remembered that he hadn't read anything about gaining his parole back, maybe that wasn't part of the program... he suddenly got quite scared...Oh fuck, oh Christ!!! Please tell me they haven't taken that possibility away!!!
It was the sole reason he had come here, and after being here for less than a week, he might have screwed all his chances of that up, completely. I'm such a *fucking* IDIOT!!! he thought.
Alright O´reily, don't panic, after all it did say that there might be other perks if I was on a good behavior...*Oh fuck* here I am again... Stop thinking O´reily, it doesn't do you any good! Get some sleep again!
He lied down, uncomfortably, caring more and more everyday since he got here that the floor was icy cold and wet, and hard to lie on, back, neck and shoulders aching, his knee throbbing and stinging.
He had a dream about his mother, his REAL mother.
She was singing in the gym, no one else around. He had been standing in the doorway, but walked in and sat down on the floor to listen to that angelic voice of hers. The voice he wished had been there to sing him to sleep all those lonely nights, after his father had given him a pasting for whatever he had done, or just for fun...
She walked over to him and sat down to, still singing... "Over in Killarney, many years ago, me mother sang a song to me in tones so sweet and low. Just a simple little ditty, In her good old Irish way. And I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me this day."
It was the song Tessie had always sung to him and Cyril when they were kids. It was a bit strange to hear his real mother singing it, but he liked it. He lied down in her knee and was held in her warm, tender arms.
" Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Li, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral, Hush now, don't you cry."
The magic in her voice and of the words surrounding him, making him feel safe in the dark unholy place that was Oz.
"Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Li, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral. That's an Irish lullaby."
Her smell wonderful, as was her smile, when she turned her head down to look in his eyes.
"My baby..." she said, looking at him as though he wasn't the 30something ruthless killer that everybody else saw when they looked at him; most of them with disgust. To her he was still her baby-boy...
"Oft' in dreams I wander to that cot again, I feel her arms a huggin' me. As when she held me then. And I hear her voice a hummin', to me as in days of yore, when she used to rock me fast asleep, outside the cabin door. Too- ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li, Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral
Hush now, don't you cry. Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li, Too-ra- loo-ra-loo-ral, That's an Irish lullaby..."
He woke up hearing screaming in the hallway. Someone was being taken to the hole and was not being very compliant.
Fuck...Ma...He could still her voice and the song in his head and that just made it all worse...
He missed her terribly.
Haven't been allowed to see her in more than a year, haven't been allowed to see anyone as a matter of fact.
They had taken away all of his privileges when he had had that fight with Alvarez. Left him with no visitors, no TV, no radio, not even a fucking book to read!
And that was supposed to discourage me from getting into more fights... Sometimes he wondered how that cocksucker of a Warden that took over after Glynn had been thinking...
Oh well, he was out of there now...
Out of the frying pan, into the fire, he thought gloomily to himself. Fuck, why don't they ever let me out of here!?!
He was getting impatient and it was not like him, but all of this new and crazy hope had wound him up...
He had got used to the idea of spending the rest of his life in Oz, or he hadn't got used to it really, but he had had to accept it. But now, he was filled with this crazy hope that maybe, just maybe, he could get his chance of parole back... but then again he might have lost his chance at that again, not that he had ever had one... OH GOD O´REILY! YOU STUPID, STUPID FUCK!!!
He banged his head into the stone wall until it hurt and he got dizzy. Didn't gain much from doing that though, he realized, just a headache.
He was forced to admit now, that being thrown into the hole so soon after arriving had taken a toll on his confidence. Not the part of it telling him that he would always be O.K, because he would, but the one that told him that he could actually manage to keep in his place in this new place and get his chance at parole back and someday be free... In fact, if you looked at his situation right now, it had been quite justly shaken!
How long did the guard say it was going to be until he came back for an answer? How many days? Two? Five? Eight? Ryan was surprised at how quickly he had surrendered to the idea of corporal punishment, in order to get out of the hole, and maybe one day get his parole back. Corporal punishment... Just the word...It sounds so fucking ancient and scary...
The thought of someone beating him, like his dad, but not missing, and him not being allowed to duck, or protect himself...To put himself through that voluntarily, was a scary thought...
Still if that is what I have to do to one day get out of here...
He found himself humming, filling the emptiness with some sound, some comfort in the cold darkness...
"And I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me this day." ***************************************************************************
The days went by, creeping slowly towards what he thought was the end of the week. He had no sure way of knowing of course, but it felt like it.
He had made up his mind now, he was just going to have to swallow the bitter pill and submit to the program, even though it felt scary as hell.
Perhaps, there is still a possibility to milk this a bit...
He was awakened one morning by the door opening and the old hack entering.
*Finally!* Perhaps I can get out of this fucking place! He thought.
"Alright, what's your standing point on the program I have drawn up for you?!" Voice stern and tone short.
"Well, I suppose I'll have to say yes to it to get out of this *fucking hellhole*?!" Ryan said cockily.
I sure as hell am not going to let that hack know he has me beaten!
"That would be a correct assumption," the hack said, being just as resolute as Ryan.
"So what about me being able to gain my possibility of parole back?!" Ryan said, tense while waiting for the response.
Shit!! Breath Ryan, breath. Don't let this get to you! Oh! Who the fuck am I kidding, this *really* fucking matters!!! This is my whole fucking *life*!!!
"Well, like I told you, you've lost that," the hack explained to him, patiently.
"Alright," Ryan said, dealer voice on, full speed. " I'll do this *program- shit*, *if* I can get that possibility back"
"No, you will submit to the program without gaining any possibility of parole, if you want to leave this "hellhole" as you call it. Otherwise, I could just leave you in here until the warden says it's all right to let you out. That way you will probably rot in here forever!" Voice filled with an amount of poison that really surprised Ryan. Still, he made no move. Not yet.
The hack moved over to the door, got out, put his hand on it preparing to close it.
"Alright. If that's the way you want it, see you in a year or two. Maybe..."
He started closing the door.
Ryan realized he couldn't win this one!!
He quickly got up.
"No wait!" he almost yelled. Trying not to sound desperate. He didn't do at all well.
"I'll do it," he said, quietly, not wanting to admit even to himself that the hack had him beaten.
"What was that? " The hack said, turning around to face Ryan again.
"I'll do it," Ryan said, not louder, but a bit more cockily, attitude showing that he really didn't want to, that he was just doing it to be nice. Of course this wasn't true, and he knew it.
"Louder!" the guard yelled.
"I'LL DO IT, I'LL FUCKING DO IT *ALL RIGHT*!" Ryan had had enough and lost his temper.
*Fuck*! *Bloody, fucking, cocksucking, hack*!! Not only is he going to make me agree to have my ass kicked, he's gonna have me beg to get it kicked too!!!
"Good," the hack said, calmly. "Let's get you back to your cell then."
Ryan got up and moved out as quickly as he could without letting the hack know just how badly he wanted out.
"The papers..." the guard said and nodded towards the document lying on the floor in the hole.
Ryan went in again and retrieved it, almost nervous that the hack would close the door on him while he was in there.
"Wrists!" the guard said.
Ryan sighed but held them out.
As they walked in the corridor back to his cell, Ryan naked and cuffed, with the hack holding him by his neck in the usual fashion, the guard said "Oh, and O'reily...Stop swearing."
Ryan didn't answer.
So this is it. He thought. Nothing left to do but to wait. Wait for them to get me back to that tiny room , people yelling and ordering me around. *Fuck* my life is *really* fucked up... O.K stop it O´reily, this is exactly what that *fuck* of a hack wants. He wants you to sit here and get weak and sobby so that he can break you down and into "prisonshape..." Ryan thought, remembering his short conversation with Mc Manus. Well, let them try, he thought, because it won´t *fucking* happen!!
He noticed something red on the end of his arm and looked down where he had had his arm just a minute ago, at his knee. It was bleeding quite a lot now, and the wound was dirty, too. Fuck! He thought. The way things are going in here, I´ll probably die from fucking sepsis or the fuck it's called!
He suddenly remembered coming home one day when he was 4 or 5 years old, having fallen on his way from school. He was crying, knee hurt and trousers torn. His moth... stepmother had kissed him and hugged him and told him that it was all going to be ok, and then he and Cyril both had gotten milk and cookies as a treat to make things better.
He missed that life, it was before the gangs and everything. It had all seemed so simple, you had something bad happen, and some milk and cookies could make it better. Or you did something bad and you got a pasting, and as much as it hurt and was frightening, that was the end of it. There was no hole to be thrown into, (Alright so I did get locked in the attic a few times, and of course I got sent to his room ever so often, but the point was you got out fairly quickly!) There was no being locked up forever and ever, not ever being let out into the sunlight and fresh air. No "life + 40 years" to wake up to everyday. *Fuck* life was so much simpler then, why can't it be now... Stop it O´reily! Get your head straight! Don't fucking think like this, it won't do you any *fucking* good!! Sleep! That's right, I need sleep! Of course I'm thinking crazy, I'm worn out from not being able to lie down comfortable due to the fucking cuffs and all the other shit. All thanks to that *fucking hack* and the *fucking warden*, and most of all that *fucking cocksucker* Mc Manus!
He tried lying down comfortably on the hard cement floor. Finding a good position proved to be difficult... But as he found when he lied down, he was so tired that the cold, wet feeling against his body and the lack of something under his head didn't bother him much.
He fell asleep.
His stepmother's milk and cookies where a far cry from the day-old-stale- bread-and-water diet he received the following days, or had it been a week by now?
With the room being a constant night, and meals all the same, time slipped into itself, beginning again every time he woke up.
The wound on his knee wasn't getting any better either, it had started to puss. But I'll be damned before I ask one of these cocksuckers for help!! He thought. Speaking of cocksuckers, he hadn't had a visit from that old fucker of a hack since the day he got thrown in here, nor a visit from Mc Manus, but that he was more than happy about.
"Lunch!!" The guard yelled as he opened the hatch to push the tray in. No big surprise, water with that funky shit in it, and stale, old fucking bread. Welcome to the rest of your life O'reily, he thought gloomily to himself. He felt like it had been an eternity.
"Hey, O´reily!" he got startled and looked up at the hatch. "So how has your week been?" voice filled with irony.
It was one of the hacks, having a go at him; but with the hack on the other side of an iron door, with a hatch that closed from the outside, there was nothing he could do about it...
"Fuck off!!" he yelled at the guard.
"Yeah, yeah." The guard said. " You won't be so cocky after Officer Jones has had his way with you. He's coming by this afternoon, so I'd be sure to be on my best behavior if I were you O´reily!"
"Yeah, well he can go *fuck* himself!!" O'reily yelled, as the hack closed the hatch.
Deep down though, he was glad to finally get some human contact with someone other than the guards, shoving his breakfast-lunch-dinner-who-the- hell-cared-which-meal-it-was-it-was-still-disgusting-bread and water in through the hatch and the leaving him without a word and nothing to do but to sleep, and think...
That was probably the worst bit about the hole; sure it was cold (it's fucking February and they stick me in here to freeze my balls off!!) and dark, but the worst part about being lonely for more than 12 hours at a time was that you started thinking...
About family, (and O'reily *really* didn't want to go there). Your life in general and future plans, (Oh! Yes I plan on spending the rest of my life in this *fuckhole*, being pushed around by *fucking* hacks that want nothing more than to have a go at me. I really have nothing more important to do...) And most depressing of all, actually trying to figure out what had brought him here. Because even though he tried his *very best* to turn the old hack's words out of mind, it was really, really...
*************************************************************************** Jones's week had been a busy one. First the arrival of O´reily and then taking care of him, and then of course the paperwork when the boy had managed to get himself thrown into the hole.
Because even though it was Mc Manus that had ordered that the boy be thrown into the hole (You usually needed to be two people to tango...) *He* was the one who ended up with all the paperwork.
He was also making sure that the boy got his breakfast-lunch-dinner water and bread, mixing some dextrose in the water every time. The boy obviously needed something extra in his diet, low blood sugar probably, no sense in taking chances of him getting injured now that I'm so close to getting things sorted for him.
Also, he was struggling to make the program for the boy look presentable to the warden and Mc Manus, Mc Manus being the one that would need the most convincing.
On top of all of this, he had to take his dog, Maggie the Basset, to the vet; (bloody ears playing up again!!)
*************************************************************************** A couple of hours later Ryan heard the door open, and the old hack entered.
Ryan didn't get up. He didn't want the hack to get any funny ideas about his visit meaning *shit* to him!
"So, you have survived so far I see," the hack said, trying to make conversation, or being friendly or the fuck do I know Ryan thought. He had no intention of answering.
"I see that you are angry. That's quite understandable, although if you think about it, I'm sure you realize that you brought this on yourself."
The *fuck* I did! Ryan thought.
"Anyway, I'm here to make you an offer."
Ryan suddenly got much more interested in what the hack had to say!
"I have had a talk with Mc Manus and the warden, and they'll let you out of the hole, *on the condition* that you participate in a program that has been specially drawn up for you by me."
"Oh yeah!! And what does this "program" *shit* involve??" Ryan asked cockily.
Jones took a deep breath and managed to control his anger over the fact that the boy had so easily apparently dismissed his program already.
" Well, first of all, and you must understand that this is subject to change, so new demands can be made on you at any time, it involves respecting primarily me and secondly the other guards and staff. I know it might be hard, seeing since you obviously have no manners what so ever, but I'm sure you'll learn some at some point." At this Ryan snorted.
"Secondly, it involves a steady work routine with what ever we appoint you to do. Thirdly it involves you participating in some practices that I have drawn up for you, and also going to the prison psychiatrist once a week."
Ryan sighed. Now, *that* was something he *really didn't * want to do!!!
But then again I might have to go and just sit there, in order to get out of this shithole! He thought.
"But the most important thing for you physically, is that this program involves the same thing as the CP-program."
Ryan was confused, " the most important thing physically"?
"Now did you get a chance to read the folder that the warden gave you about the CP-program?" The hack asked.
"*No,* I didn't because that *fucking* cocksucker Mc Manus had me thrown in here!" Ryan issued cockily.
"Hmm, that's not entirely true; " the hack said harshly, his face stern. "*You* had *yourself* thrown in here. *You* were cocky towards a superior and so you got punished for what *you* had done!"
"Yeah, Yeah." Ryan replied.
"Very well, I'll leave you here with these papers about the new program I have drawn up for you, and you consider it for a few days," the hack said and threw him a bunch of computer written pages. He then left.
And so once again Ryan was alone...
He got up, and fetched the papers that the guard had thrown in.
"Alternative rehabilitation plan for prisoner 0608O6498, Ryan O´reily"
"Rehabilitation"... what a load of bullshit!! Oh well, might as well continue reading, not much else to do in this fuckhole!! He thought.
"Presentation: The essence of the program is a few methods of treatment such as counseling, victim-perpetrator meetings, and meeting with other persons who has had an influence of the prisoners life, such as family,"
*NOT* something I want to do...
" A harsh and steady work-routine,"
Harsh... scrubbing floors from dusk till dawn no doubt! Is it worth it? I want out though, and if this is the only way... Oh fuck it! Just read Ryan, don't think, just fuckin' read!!!
"Anger management and anti-drug classes,"
Been there done that, but hey if that means they might let me out...
" Continuous close supervision of the prisoner."
*Fuck* there goes the moneymaking! Unless I'm really subtle about it...I'm sure I can get away with some trading, but that's a later question, have to get out of this fuckhole first!!
"Personnel in charge of punishment of prisoner: Punishment for lighter disciplinary problems will be dealt with by officer Jones. In case of severe disobedience, punishment will be determent by Warden Hughes in conjunction with Officer Jones and Mister Mc Manus."
*Oh fuck!!* they're gonna let that cocksucker Mc Manus in on this thing?!
Method of punishment: Punishment according to the prison-regulations with a supplementary possibility of use of corporal punishment, as allowed by the State, in document 187492J/2002 paragraph 1- 265."
*Fucking hell!!!* "Corporal punishment"!?! I thought they ditched that in the nineteen hundreds!?! He thought. On the other hand, how fucking bad can it be, Cyril and I got our knocks from dad so...
He remembered every one talking about "the CP-program", and the hack saying: "... the most important thing for you physically, is that this program involves the same thing as the CP-program." That must have been what he meant.
"The punishment-methods are subject to change at any given point, and no warning is required to be given to the prisoner. Nor will he be able to leave the program should any light changes of any kind in the program occur."
*Fuck* So when...*if* I say yes... that means I'm stuck!
" What the prisoner will be able to gain by participating in the program:"
*NOW* we're talking...
" The prisoner will be able to get released from administrative segregation following his agreement to join the program. This does not however mean that he will not be sent there again if he oversteps the disciplinary boundaries of the program or the prison regulations in general."
*Fuck you*!
" If the prisoner responds well to the program and is obedient,"
Sounds like I'm a *fucking dog!*
"he MIGHT also be given other privileges, but there is no certainty of this."
*ALRIGHT* *finally*, some perks in this hellhole!
"All things stated in this document are subject to change."
Then there were the usual signing lines... "I Ryan O´reily promise that I will follow the rules of the program as well as prison regulations, or I will be subject to punishment dealt out by stated personnel of Kansas State Correctional Facility in Sterling."
So, was this what he wanted? He wasn't absolutely sure, Corporal punishment and all, but what he was sure of was that he didn't want to stay a minute longer in this hellhole!
He then remembered that he hadn't read anything about gaining his parole back, maybe that wasn't part of the program... he suddenly got quite scared...Oh fuck, oh Christ!!! Please tell me they haven't taken that possibility away!!!
It was the sole reason he had come here, and after being here for less than a week, he might have screwed all his chances of that up, completely. I'm such a *fucking* IDIOT!!! he thought.
Alright O´reily, don't panic, after all it did say that there might be other perks if I was on a good behavior...*Oh fuck* here I am again... Stop thinking O´reily, it doesn't do you any good! Get some sleep again!
He lied down, uncomfortably, caring more and more everyday since he got here that the floor was icy cold and wet, and hard to lie on, back, neck and shoulders aching, his knee throbbing and stinging.
He had a dream about his mother, his REAL mother.
She was singing in the gym, no one else around. He had been standing in the doorway, but walked in and sat down on the floor to listen to that angelic voice of hers. The voice he wished had been there to sing him to sleep all those lonely nights, after his father had given him a pasting for whatever he had done, or just for fun...
She walked over to him and sat down to, still singing... "Over in Killarney, many years ago, me mother sang a song to me in tones so sweet and low. Just a simple little ditty, In her good old Irish way. And I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me this day."
It was the song Tessie had always sung to him and Cyril when they were kids. It was a bit strange to hear his real mother singing it, but he liked it. He lied down in her knee and was held in her warm, tender arms.
" Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Li, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral, Hush now, don't you cry."
The magic in her voice and of the words surrounding him, making him feel safe in the dark unholy place that was Oz.
"Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Li, Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral. That's an Irish lullaby."
Her smell wonderful, as was her smile, when she turned her head down to look in his eyes.
"My baby..." she said, looking at him as though he wasn't the 30something ruthless killer that everybody else saw when they looked at him; most of them with disgust. To her he was still her baby-boy...
"Oft' in dreams I wander to that cot again, I feel her arms a huggin' me. As when she held me then. And I hear her voice a hummin', to me as in days of yore, when she used to rock me fast asleep, outside the cabin door. Too- ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li, Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral
Hush now, don't you cry. Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li, Too-ra- loo-ra-loo-ral, That's an Irish lullaby..."
He woke up hearing screaming in the hallway. Someone was being taken to the hole and was not being very compliant.
Fuck...Ma...He could still her voice and the song in his head and that just made it all worse...
He missed her terribly.
Haven't been allowed to see her in more than a year, haven't been allowed to see anyone as a matter of fact.
They had taken away all of his privileges when he had had that fight with Alvarez. Left him with no visitors, no TV, no radio, not even a fucking book to read!
And that was supposed to discourage me from getting into more fights... Sometimes he wondered how that cocksucker of a Warden that took over after Glynn had been thinking...
Oh well, he was out of there now...
Out of the frying pan, into the fire, he thought gloomily to himself. Fuck, why don't they ever let me out of here!?!
He was getting impatient and it was not like him, but all of this new and crazy hope had wound him up...
He had got used to the idea of spending the rest of his life in Oz, or he hadn't got used to it really, but he had had to accept it. But now, he was filled with this crazy hope that maybe, just maybe, he could get his chance of parole back... but then again he might have lost his chance at that again, not that he had ever had one... OH GOD O´REILY! YOU STUPID, STUPID FUCK!!!
He banged his head into the stone wall until it hurt and he got dizzy. Didn't gain much from doing that though, he realized, just a headache.
He was forced to admit now, that being thrown into the hole so soon after arriving had taken a toll on his confidence. Not the part of it telling him that he would always be O.K, because he would, but the one that told him that he could actually manage to keep in his place in this new place and get his chance at parole back and someday be free... In fact, if you looked at his situation right now, it had been quite justly shaken!
How long did the guard say it was going to be until he came back for an answer? How many days? Two? Five? Eight? Ryan was surprised at how quickly he had surrendered to the idea of corporal punishment, in order to get out of the hole, and maybe one day get his parole back. Corporal punishment... Just the word...It sounds so fucking ancient and scary...
The thought of someone beating him, like his dad, but not missing, and him not being allowed to duck, or protect himself...To put himself through that voluntarily, was a scary thought...
Still if that is what I have to do to one day get out of here...
He found himself humming, filling the emptiness with some sound, some comfort in the cold darkness...
"And I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me this day." ***************************************************************************
The days went by, creeping slowly towards what he thought was the end of the week. He had no sure way of knowing of course, but it felt like it.
He had made up his mind now, he was just going to have to swallow the bitter pill and submit to the program, even though it felt scary as hell.
Perhaps, there is still a possibility to milk this a bit...
He was awakened one morning by the door opening and the old hack entering.
*Finally!* Perhaps I can get out of this fucking place! He thought.
"Alright, what's your standing point on the program I have drawn up for you?!" Voice stern and tone short.
"Well, I suppose I'll have to say yes to it to get out of this *fucking hellhole*?!" Ryan said cockily.
I sure as hell am not going to let that hack know he has me beaten!
"That would be a correct assumption," the hack said, being just as resolute as Ryan.
"So what about me being able to gain my possibility of parole back?!" Ryan said, tense while waiting for the response.
Shit!! Breath Ryan, breath. Don't let this get to you! Oh! Who the fuck am I kidding, this *really* fucking matters!!! This is my whole fucking *life*!!!
"Well, like I told you, you've lost that," the hack explained to him, patiently.
"Alright," Ryan said, dealer voice on, full speed. " I'll do this *program- shit*, *if* I can get that possibility back"
"No, you will submit to the program without gaining any possibility of parole, if you want to leave this "hellhole" as you call it. Otherwise, I could just leave you in here until the warden says it's all right to let you out. That way you will probably rot in here forever!" Voice filled with an amount of poison that really surprised Ryan. Still, he made no move. Not yet.
The hack moved over to the door, got out, put his hand on it preparing to close it.
"Alright. If that's the way you want it, see you in a year or two. Maybe..."
He started closing the door.
Ryan realized he couldn't win this one!!
He quickly got up.
"No wait!" he almost yelled. Trying not to sound desperate. He didn't do at all well.
"I'll do it," he said, quietly, not wanting to admit even to himself that the hack had him beaten.
"What was that? " The hack said, turning around to face Ryan again.
"I'll do it," Ryan said, not louder, but a bit more cockily, attitude showing that he really didn't want to, that he was just doing it to be nice. Of course this wasn't true, and he knew it.
"Louder!" the guard yelled.
"I'LL DO IT, I'LL FUCKING DO IT *ALL RIGHT*!" Ryan had had enough and lost his temper.
*Fuck*! *Bloody, fucking, cocksucking, hack*!! Not only is he going to make me agree to have my ass kicked, he's gonna have me beg to get it kicked too!!!
"Good," the hack said, calmly. "Let's get you back to your cell then."
Ryan got up and moved out as quickly as he could without letting the hack know just how badly he wanted out.
"The papers..." the guard said and nodded towards the document lying on the floor in the hole.
Ryan went in again and retrieved it, almost nervous that the hack would close the door on him while he was in there.
"Wrists!" the guard said.
Ryan sighed but held them out.
As they walked in the corridor back to his cell, Ryan naked and cuffed, with the hack holding him by his neck in the usual fashion, the guard said "Oh, and O'reily...Stop swearing."
Ryan didn't answer.