Loss
By BlackPotterGrl
Chapter XVII- Revelations and Rash decisions
After another two days of sleeping, laying in bed, and failed escape attempts, Harry felt well enough to go back to classes, as most do when they are stir crazy from lying in bed for extreme amounts of time. His voice returned soon after, so he was no longer playing charades when he needed to use the bathroom.
While Remus wasn't the most enforcing person in the world, he insisted that Harry should stay in bed, and that if he needed anything, he should just ask for it. Harry found that easier said then done. He found it unusual how Remus always seemed to know when Harry was trying to get something for himself. When he was allowed out of bed, it was only to sit in the living room which wasn't much better than his makeshift bedroom, other then the change of scenery, and when he was allowed, he had to be helped, or carried.
In his opinion, he was completely well by that Friday, but Sirius told him that he had to stay in Sirius's little apartment the weekend before he would be allowed to leave. He moaned and groaned at being stuck inside all weekend, but logically, it made sense. He was only being shut up inside because if he wondered around the school, there would be an epidemic going around.
Friday past agonizingly slow, and when Sirius finally came back from classes, Remus bid them both a goodbye, as he probably wouldn't see them for a while. Harry would miss having him around, as Remus had really grown on him over the past few days. While he had always been a very good teacher, Harry noticed that he didn't seem as very cautious about everything now. He was more relaxed and more keen on goofing off. It could have been from being around Sirius, who was always very lively and had that affect on people. It was entertaining watching Sirius and Remus go at it, making one sarcastic remark after another, though it would be tragic if aimed toward him.
He found he should have listened to Sirius's advice about the homework, as Snape had given a truckload of it. He guessed that he would have been expected to complete it anyway though, so it was better that he got it done before he was overwhelmed with it. The lack of Defense homework helped a lot, and he was able to finish his Charms and Transfiguration homework on schedule. History of Magic was a whole different story. Professor Murphy, who he acknowledged to himself as a variety of offensive terms, didn't seem to be a very good teacher. She didn't lecture the students like Professor Binns had, preferring to assign them a number of pages to read, and a class work assignment, which was to be completed for homework if it wasn't done in class. The next day there would be a quiz to see if they did it. That was the curriculum for the whole year.
While doing homework, Remus often helped him do some of it, with the exception of Potions. He commented that it was a very poor system of teaching that really didn't require a teacher at all. Harry had to bite back a smirk at that. He guessed that Remus was still unaware that Sirius was seeing the girl. He still had his doubts about the whole thing. It could have been a coincidence, though Harry almost denied the very idea of it. What were the chances that she wasn't the same woman? And the way his godfather had been talking to her made him very sure about it.
The weekend was spent trying to figure out things to occupy himself, while Sirius tried to help, but failed. He would say stuff like, "Want to play Quidditch? Oh no, sorry, you can't.", though his intention wasn't to be cruel.
Harry was angered when Sirius would go off to do something while leaving him confined inside, wandering throughout the spare bedroom he was in to the living room, and the makeshift kitchen, without anything to do. Though Sirius claimed that he had gone to talk to Dumbledore with some hastiness, he sometimes wondered if that was what he was really up to.
He was sitting on the couch, reading a muggle book that Sunday when Sirius walked in, looking as if he was being forced to go on a picnic with Snape. "What's a matter?" Harry asked, genuinely concerned.
"Harry, I want to have a talk with you. Sit down." Sirius smirked sheepishly as he realized Harry was already in a seated position. "Never mind."
"Are you all right Sirius? You feel sick?" Harry's eyebrows were furrowed as he tried to interpret Sirius actions. His face turned to dreadfulness as he came across one possibility. "You aren't going to trying to give me 'the talk' are you?" he asked laughing nervously. "Because-"
Sirius cut him off with rashness. "No! No, I don't want to talk about that. I mean, if you… Never mind. Listen, um…" Harry wondered if he was trying to tell him about his girlfriend.
"What?"
"Harry, I've known about this for a little while now, and Dumbledore told me that it would probably be best if I told you. I've been putting it off for a while. With that whole, erm… situation, and with Ron captured, then missing, there was never a really good time to tell you this, so forgive me for not telling you sooner."
Sirius proceeded to explain to him about Trelawny's prophecy, Voldemort discovering half of it, and Dumbledore's interpretation of it and what that meant he was responsible for.
When he finished, Harry wasn't sure how to respond. He was responsible for Voldemort's demise? He had to murder or be murdered? He stared at Sirius blankly, with unseeing eyes, and he knew he had little, if any, blood in his face. His breathing came quicker, and his pulse quickened. He didn't notice Sirius put his hand on his shoulder as he began to panic from not being able to breath properly. He didn't noticed Sirius next to him, calling out his name, or his attempts to calm him down. He felt Sirius put paper bag in his hand, and he held it over his mouth, trying to calm himself down. It took about five minutes to get his breathing back to normal, and by this point, Sirius had conjured up a cup of tea, and put some calming potion in it to help him.
"Harry, calm down. I know this must be a bit overwhelming for you. Heck, I reacted almost the same way when I found out. Just take even breaths. It'll be all right. Relax." Sirius was very unconvincing with his nervous voice doing a bad job of trying to sooth him.
Sirius pulled him into a hug, but Harry remained completely stiff and didn't respond at all. He remained staring forward, glassy-eyed, with an expression of horror. "Harry? Harry, say something." Sirius sounded very concerned. Sirius waved his hands in front of his face trying to get a reaction out of him. Harry slowly looked up at him with horror.
"No." He whispered. "But- I don't want to be responsible for that! I don't want to have to kill him. I mean, I know it's my fault that he's back, and I know that I'm to blame for this whole thing, but I don't want to be the one who does it Sirius. Please. Not me." Harry said in what he knew to be an immature and childish tone. He sounded like a five year old who didn't want to clean up his room, but at this point, he didn't care. He found he had to squash the urge to run and hide under the covers in his bed.
Sirius had flinched at these words. He raked his hands through his hair in desperation as he searched for the right words. "Harry, listen to me. This was never your fault. Yes, you are the only one who has the ability to kill him, but… just because you can do it, doesn't mean that it was ever your fault. Harry, you have a great power in you. You have the power of love and kindness that Voldemort will never know. I know it might sound really corny, but you are a symbol of that, and for that reason, you can kill him. Because your mother's sacrifice runs through your blood. Voldemort will never know that. You- you have to believe that love will triumph over evil."
Harry didn't know how he was supposed to react to that.
"I wish more then anyone else that it didn't have to be you. No matter what the wizard world thinks, you're still a kid. And you're my godson. But in spite of that, I know you can do it." Harry was still speechless, and as he sat there, still trying to absorb these words, he suddenly realized that Sirius was on the verge of crying. His eyes were watery, but Harry could tell he was trying to hide it, if not just to show Harry that he had faith in him. Harry, however, was still recovering from the shock of what he had found out to react to it at all.
He made an attempt, if not for his own benefit, "Please… don't- don't cry Sirius. Don't-" but Sirius just turned away from him to hide his face.
"I'm sorry, Har. I just… wish you didn't have to have this to deal with. You have so much going on in your life right now, and… you shouldn't have to be going through all of this. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you so soon." Sirius told him.
Under any normal circumstances, Harry would have been angry that Sirius had kept this from him for so long, but at this point, he almost wished that Sirius had waited later to tell him. He knew it would be best to know this, but he felt like he was suffocating from everything he had to bare through. This was like another rope around his throat squeezing the air out of his lungs. "Why is it always me?" he whimpered in a barely audible voice.
"Don't know, kid." Sirius said. "I guess because you're the one who can handle it." Sirius said his hand tightening on his shoulder.
Harry brought his head down the pillow and muttered into it "I don't want to handle it. For once, I don't want to be the strong one."
Sirius brought his arm around Harry's shoulder, and pulled him from the pillow up against him. "It isn't a matter of wanting be strong or not, you are or you aren't able to handle something. And you're one of the strongest people I know."
________
Harry returned to Gryffindor later that day. He dragged himself through the common room entrance barely looking where he was going from all the thoughts racing through his head. He didn't notice when he ran straight into Ginny. "Oh, your back Gin?" Harry asked her absentmindedly.
"Yeah, mum sent us all back to school. Didn't want us to go, but she knew we would have a backache from all the homework that we would have to lug back here." Ginny seemed resentful, and Harry wondered if she was aiming it toward him or her mother. "So, you've had the flu? Guess you haven't seen Hermione in a while then, huh?"
"No, not since the first day of school. I can't get near her. Might give my virus to her, and that might cause an epidemic."
"Yeah, well, she didn't have a very good week. I mean, she didn't have anyone to talk to at all. Me and the twins had our parents, and you had Sirius, but Hermione was all alone. She didn't even have me."
Harry felt a pang of sympathy for her. He knew he shouldn't feel responsible for Hermione not having anyone. He didn't have any control over him getting ill. He had to shake the thoughts of guilt out of his head. "You should go and see her." Ginny told her.
"Yeah, sure. Where is she?"
"Probably her dorm. I'll go get her if you want me to."
Ginny came down with a supportive arm around Hermione, who looked completely horrible. Her hair was in a tangled mess. Her eyes were bloodshot, and underneath they were red rimmed mixed with her already heavy bags. She looked at him blurrily, like she only just recognized him, and he gave her a weak attempt at a smile. "Hey Hermione. How have you been holding up." Two seconds after he said he realized his fault. "Stupid question. I shouldn't have asked."
"Harry?" She sounded like she was extremely drowsy, or really drugged up. She suddenly launched herself at him and clung to him. "I didn't know where you went Harry. You just disappeared… just like Ron!" He shot a pleading look at Ginny. Hermione was in one hell of a mental state.
"Come on Hermione. Lets sit down. Right here on the couch. It's all right. Harry isn't going anywhere. Just let… go… Hermione! Let go of Harry's arm. That's good. Just sit down." Ginny had to pry Hermione's hand off of his arm, and lead her forcefully to the couch. She seemed to regain some of her senses there.
"Oh, I'm sorry Harry. I've just been having a really hard week. Everyone was gone, I didn't have anyone to go to. Ron could be anywhere. I've had a horrible time. I didn't even go to class this week! And I've got all that homework to make up, along with the homework that we have regularly. And we have our OWLs this year so I have to start studying more, and…" Harry put an arm on her shoulder to stop her from going on.
"Hermione! Calm down! It's nothing to get hysterical over okay? The teachers know we're having a rough time, so they'll probably ease up on the homework, and Sirius will probably excuse you from it if you're having a hard time this week. You can copy Charms and Transfiguration homework from me, and we can do our Potions homework together. It's all going to be fine." He said in a calming voice.
"Really? You did it all already?" Hermione began breathing evenly. "Thanks a lot Harry. It's nice to have you back. Where were you?"
"I was sick. I had the flu. Really bad case of it too. I couldn't let you get near me or anything, cause you might get it." He explained to her about why he had the virus, and certain people could get it, and others couldn't.
"So I received our schedules. Tomorrow, we have Transfiguration, Charms, and Care of Magical Creatures. We don't have Defense against the Dark Arts until Wednesday, and then we get bombarded on Thursday with a double potions and History of Magic. I heard that class is brutal. I mean, History was always bad, but now it's even worse. No time for you to sleep anymore Harry. We do work all period." Harry let out an audible groan, though Harry wasn't really all that bothered by the fact that he couldn't sleep in class, but just because he didn't want to have to deal with this woman who didn't know how to teach, and was dating his godfather. He was his godfather before he was her boyfriend. Honestly!
"It'll be alright. I'm going to start doing my work from now on. No really Hermione! I am!" He scowled at her doubtful look. "Thank you so much for the support." Halfway through his declaration she had coughed something that sounded a bit like 'pipe dream'.
"Sorry Harry. Just a little hard to believe that you're just going to up and change your ways. What happened? Did you lose a bet?"
'No, I found out that I'm the one who has to kill the worst dark lord on the face of the Earth.' He scowled. If she knew what he knew, she wouldn't be so eager to joke. He resolved that he couldn't tell her. He didn't think he could tell anybody. If they knew what the end of the prophecy said they were at serious risk. 'Hell! Hermione's already at serious risk. The fact that she knows what she does already is enough to get her captured. Just like Ron.' He didn't want her to end up with the fate Ron did.
That was another thing. Despite everything Sirius had ever tried drumming into his head, he still believed that ultimately, he was the cause of Ron's catastrophe. Why else would he have been captured? What else had he been questioned about besides his whereabouts? Nothing. If Ron was captured and tortured for information, couldn't Hermione be? He didn't think he could tolerate that happening. And Hermione was muggleborn! That made her an even bigger target.
The more this information registered to him, the more the realization became clear that Hermione was not safe being his friend. Not safe at all. That meant only one thing. She couldn't be friends with him.
"No Hermione… no bet. I- I have to go. Go to lunch. I am really hungry." He told her.
"Well, I'm really in no fit state to leave the common room. Bring me back something will you? I'm a bit hungry.
"Yeah, I… guess."
He went down, realizing this was really the first public appearance he was making since Ron's predicament was announce. He had been informed that an announcement had been made to Gryffindor tower, though he was certain it had traveled around to the school by now. He knew by the way people from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw came up to him stating their sympathy for his friend along with Gryffindors. People he didn't even know where coming up to him with an "I'm so sorry about Ron, Harry." Like they were one of his friends.
One comment wasn't welcome at all, not that any where. "Who are you going to kill off next Potter? Your little mudblood friend? Black's at greater risk through association with you. How's it feel to put your friends on a hit list?" He knew it was Malfoy. The problem was, it was true.
The last straw was when Professor McGonagal came up to him to 'condole him for his loss'. Not wanting to be extremely rude, he politely excused himself from the situation and fled to Gryffindor. He just didn't want to deal with people right now. Everything had piled up on him. He now had to deal with Ron's disappearance, keeping Hermione safe from himself, and the fact that Voldemort's demise was now his responsibility.
He found himself almost hiding in his dorm for most of the weekend. He found that Neville spent almost the entire weekend in the dorm as well, though that was probably because there was nothing Neville had to do, him not really having many friends to hang out with. Though Harry could say the same about himself now.
He found Neville was a pleasant companion when he had nothing to do but hide. He didn't shoot him pitying looks, but more understanding looks, like saying without speaking that he knew how Harry was feeling. On occasion, Harry would sneak out to the library and take out some muggle books to read for boredoms sake.
He decided that now that he really had no more social interruptions, now was the perfect time to start studying and researching useful spells. He was expected to defeat Voldemort. He wasn't going to be able to do it with a fifth year magical education, so it was probably best to keep himself prepared. He read up on spells, jinxes, and powerful hexes that he knew would probably do no good against Voldemort, but would be a good thing to know in case there was ever a dire situation.
To his relief, the weekend ended quickly, and he started classes again. Hermione was ignored at all opportunities, if he could avoid her. He did all of his potions homework by himself and merely gave it to her to copy instead of doing it with her as they had agreed to. He had hoped that giving Hermione the cold shoulder would work, but he should have guessed it wouldn't. He didn't want to go to the measures he knew he would have to go to.
During breakfast that Monday, Harry quickly squeezed himself into a group of 7th years who looked at him oddly, but resumed their conversations. Hermione was forced to sit down the table with the rest of their year as there was no more space near him.
Monday was only slightly difficult. He surprised his teachers by turning in all of his missed homework on time. When classes finished, Professor McGonagal and Professor Flickwit told him that he and Hermione were excused from the homework for that week, but he politely refused. He was going to need all the help he could get in those subjects, as they dealt with things he would probably need in a fight. He actually read his textbooks, and even the pages that weren't assigned to him. He mastered spells that he really wasn't expected to learn so early. The subject he worked hardest in improving in was Potions, as he knew he was going to have to work twice as hard just to pass that class.
Monday, after classes were over, he got out of talking with Hermione by having a nice long chat with Hagrid.
"That godfather o' yers treatin' ya okay now?" He had asked concernedly. He had, of course, responded in the affirmative. He seemed eager to know how he was holding up; the subject of Ron never mentioned, but his name hanging in between them in the air.
He went back to the common room, and found Hermione studying. He snuck out of it to the library to do his work. Later at diner, Hermione sat next to him dinner.
He knew she hadn't taken the hint when she tried to make polite conversation with him. He hated himself for what he knew he had to do, but he didn't let it show on his face. He just repeated to himself that, overall, it was for her own good. It was for her own good! It was! He just had to get himself to believe that.
"So, Harry. What's happening?"
He didn't respond.
"How about those creatures Hagrid brought into class today? Weren't they something? Harry?" She called his name as if he was just zoning off, but he was positive that she knew he was ignoring her.
"How about that Transfiguration homework? Sure was something, wasn't it?" She was desperate for him to talk to her.
He sucked in his breath inconspicuously, as he knew she would be watching his movements intently. 'This is for her own good. This is for her own good' he repeated as if a mantra. He turned his head slowly. "Hermione, will you please leave me alone?" He inwardly cringed at how cruel his voice sounded, though he know it made his act better. "You are grating my nerves and I don't feel like putting up with you anymore. Stay out of my way, and stop bothering me!"
Most of his table had stopped talking, and watched how Hermione would react. Tears filled her eyes, and Harry almost lost his willpower, and apologized to her, but he held steadfast an intimidating look on his face. He knew that she swallowed it when her hand came in contact with is jaw. He had expected no less. She ran from the hall crying. Half the hall was looking right at him.
He restricted himself from rubbing his sore cheek and gulped down the remainder of his meal. He then stood up and headed for the library. Almost every eye in the hall followed his actions.
_______
He walked into Sirius's class feeling relaxed. Finally somebody who on his side. Since Monday night, people had been coming up to him, telling him that he was an asshole for doing what he did to poor Hermione. The only person who hadn't told him off for his actions was Neville, who just looked at with raised eyebrows. His dorm mates told him off when he got back that night, pitying Hermione. Only Neville hadn't assaulted him with a pillow on his entry. When he had gone down to breakfast the next day, anyone he sat next to moved away to another seat. It seemed even the teachers were giving him mean looks, but he was certain they didn't know about what had happened to him and Hermione.
He sat at an empty table in the middle of the room, and nobody sat down at it with him. He didn't show any disappointment at that. No one but Hermione would have anyway.
Sirius walked into the classroom, and there was a collective sigh, though not in the negative sense. He noticed it seemed to sound feminine. He found himself snickering, along with some other boys. Sirius however didn't seem to notice. "Morning everyone." He spouted, not even looking at them.
"Morning Professor." Every girl in the class said, along with some boys. His 'Morning Sirius' that was accidental, was lost in voices. That brought on a question. What was he to call Sirius now? Professor? Sirius? 'Professor Black' he resolved.
He sat in his comfortable looking leather chair, and swung back and forth on the base. "I told you all. You can call me Sirius." There was a small mumble of discussion on the subject.
"Okay." He said putting emphasis on the o. "Today we're going to learn about the tongue tipping spell. This spell will cause a person to reveal what they are thinking. Don't be tempted to use this on an everyday basis. If teachers find out you've used this spell outside class, you will be in serious trouble. Its use is monitored by the ministry. It's used in dark magic when someone is withholding information. Obviously, when being questioned about something, you're thinking about the answer. The spell can be blocked without the use of a wand, by strong mental willpower.
"You don't need the willpower you need when using the imperious curse, and the spell is not normally used because most can block it, but you need to learn how to." Sirius explain to them as they took notes on it. They partnered up to practice performing and blocking the spell.
"Dean with Seamus. Parvati with Lavender. Hermione with H-." Harry shook his head frantically, and shot him a pleading look. "Neville" But as he called the rest of the names his eyes remained questioningly on Harry. It was a lucky thing for him that the class had an uneven number, as he knew whoever was paired with him would probably make a scene and groan and complain, and he didn't feel like dealing with that.
"Come here Harry." He thanked the heavens that Sirius didn't say, 'You can be my partner.' "You're going to see me after class, kid." He said. "I really don't think that you need any practice blocking the spell. Think you can cast it on me?"
Harry muttered the spell, knowing that Sirius wouldn't say anything. He was right. "You keep trying that one." For the rest of the class, Harry tried to cast the spell, knowing he would never be able to. "That's alright, Harry. The important thing is that you can block the spell. You'll never have the reason to use it anyway." He said.
The class ran without interruption, besides the whole class bursting into laughter when one girl was unable to block the curse in time, and uttered "Professor Black is really hot." out loud. If Sirius heard this, he didn't comment, but Harry saw him duck down to tie his shoe to hide his flaming checks.
After class, Harry found himself standing awkwardly in front of Sirius's desk. They had fifteen minutes before break was over and the students would start pouring in. Sirius agreed to write him a note.
"What's going on with you and Hermione? And why doesn't anyone seem to like you… at all." Sirius asked him.
"Gee, you're quite the tactful one, aren't you?" Harry said sarcastically, with a hint of nastiness.
"And you're quite the social one. Come one Harry, I'm serious. You and Hermione have been best friends since your first year. What's going on?"
"We just had a falling out, alright? Nothing much else to say; we just aren't friends anymore." He was extremely glad that Sirius hadn't been in the great hall for dinner Monday night. The teachers table had been too far away for anyone to hear about their 'quarrel', and the students certainly would share this information with any of the teachers.
"And this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you don't want Hermione to have the same fate as Ron, so you're pushing her away?"
Harry had to hide his amazement at Sirius's perceptiveness. "No. I don't know what you're talking about." Harry managed to keep his face confused.
"You know, I had anticipated the 'advice on women' speech, and the 'I just got dumped and I feel like shit' speech, but I guess I should have planned a 'the dark lord after my arse is messing up my social life' speech." Sirius said, running a hand through his chin-length black hair.
"Really, Sirius, that has nothing to do with it. It's totally separate from that." Harry began thinking of reason why they were fighting, as he knew that Sirius's next question would be that. He wasn't disappointed.
"She… uh…" He didn't know if the lie he was about to tell would be better or worse then the truth. "See, she was mad at me because I wouldn't let her copy my homework, and I swear, if you laugh I'll walk out of here. So anyway, she got mad at me, and one thing led to another and… we started shouting at each other, and she… she said some… stuff. About me. And… Ron. She thinks that it's my fault. She tried to apologize, but I won't accept. Not after knowing that's how she really feels." He said.
"Oh, Harry. I'm sorry. You must feel awful!" Sirius looked at him concernedly, and pulled him into an undeserved hug. He felt like an asshole. He had dumped his best friend for seemingly no reason, he had lied to his Godfather and blamed it on her, and was being comforted for doing all those things. It was just… if he told Sirius what he said, he didn't think he would be able to stand the look of disappointment from Sirius. And if he gave him his reasoning, he would just get the same old speech about Ron's…predicament not being his fault, and his right to have friends.
But he knew that Sirius really just wanted to keep him a child as long as possible. He supposed that he was right. He should be acting like a fifteen-year-old boy would instead of doing the mature and responsible thing and sacrificing himself to do it. He needed to stop doing things that he thought would be in peoples best interests, and start thinking about whether or not they wanted that. But he couldn't do that. He was Harry Potter. He had to put people's lives before his own pleasure, just as anybody did. He didn't think he could live if Hermione was killed because of him. Like they said, get you once, shame on them, get you twice, shame on you.
Not wanting to be rude, and have himself interrogated anymore, he let Sirius hug him for a few seconds before he pulled away. "Sirius, don't say anything about this to anyone. Please? Especially not to Hermione. I want to handle this my own way." 'And if you talk to her, she'll tell you the truth.'
"Yeah. Of course Harry. But that doesn't explain why everyone else in class seems to be giving you the cold shoulder." Sirius asked him in, thankfully, not suspicion, but bewilderment.
Harry was at a loss. He didn't know what to say. "Really? You think so? I didn't notice."
Sirius looked at him with skepticism, and he raised his head to the ceiling in thanks when Sirius's next class began to pile into the classroom. He was quickly scrawled a note, and giving a small but meaningful glance as if to say, 'We'll talk later. And you can count on it.'
Harry left the classroom feeling utterly uptight. His guilt mounting on his shoulders as he tried to count all the lies he was going to have to keep tract of and put on an act for. Surprisingly, feeling the exact opposite of how he had been before he came to class.
End Chapter XVII- Revelations and Rash decisions
End Notes: Hey! How was that chapter? Good? Bad? Late? Well, yeah, but that's because I'm incredibly slow when it comes to writing. Sorry. Ok, so I know, the ultimate cliché makes it way into my fic, right? As far as I know, know one has taken this angle before. If someone knows of a circumstance where this has happened, tell me please. Thanks.
I know that the beginning of the chapter where Sirius told him was a bit corny. Okay, it was extremely corny. Sorry. I just thought that had Harry not been completely distraught over Sirius, and over the circumstances of that night, he probably would have reacted like that.
As you'll soon see, some of the things that happened in OotP will be in my fic. Somethings that didn't happen, and shouldn't be happening in my fic will show up. Like the fact that Hagrid didn't go see the giants, and that Harry is prefect and Ron isn't. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking when I included stuff from OotP in my fic. I wish I could change that, but I can't, since the future of the plot includes it, and some stuff just can't be changed.
If I didn't mention it before, I'm planning out the sequel to this fic. It's looking promising, though more angsty and depressing then Loss, which is saying something in my opinion.
Responses to reviews:
GoldenGirl2: Well, it's always reassuring to know that at least someone is reading, and I am not one to judge on mental states. You get all kinds.
A.Dee: What did I respond to in an email? Well, if I didn't, then I will later. But anyway… So how is life? Did you win your election thingy? I really hope so, cause you deserve to win. Been so busy, I haven't been writing many emails. What do you have to say about my opinion of Peter? I kind of feel bad because the only one who really made any effort to examine Peter thoroughly and unbiased – Morgan D – no one agrees with. I mean, she does have some good points. He must have been decent at some point… right?
Can't think of what else to say. My brain's fried. I'm writing this at 12:30 at night, and I don't have access to the archive of letters and conversations because my timer ran out. Right while I was reading a story too. Email me. ^-^
Sailoranime: Hey, I tormented you with puke in my stories. You can return the favor. Hmm. Can I tell you that? Will it give away too much plot? Ahh. All right. No, the brunette is not brainwashing him. Well… it's kind of hard to explain. You'll probably see.
Amy: Thanks for that kind review.
Wolverinas-moon: Hi. Thanks for that nice review. Yeah, I really like the idea of Sirius and Remus kidnapping Harry for a trip to the zoo too. Isn't baby Harry/Sirius cute? I'll try to add more of those scenes. I'm sorry that Professor Murphy doesn't make a physical appearance, but you hear a lot about her. And there were many cute Harry/Sirius scenes either, really. I have a really great 'Harry feeling neglected' event that I think is going to be pretty heart wrenching if I write it right. The end will definitely not be as bad as OotP, I can guarantee.
Blueberrie: Sorry it took so long. Thanks for your review.
Katani Petitedra: Thank you.
Lt. Jaina Solo Fel: Yes of course. It was only a one-time thing. Thanks for you review.
Gaul1: thanks… I think.
siriussexysk8rgirl: Wow! What a flattering review. Yeah, I thought of doing that too. It just didn't seem to fit it in with where the story was going to go. And plus, I can't think of a way to get Remus to be in the story permanently, and I don't think that they could really bond through letters. I'll try to put him in more though. I like Harry/Remus interaction. I think it's cute. Ok, here is a hint: Birds always fly in groups, because you never lose your way when you're with friends. Did you like that? I made it up myself. If you think about it for almost five minutes, it starts to make you think. Things like, is BlackPotterGrl completely insane? And, what the heck is she talking about? Sorry. Can't give you a real hint.
Anifan 1: Yes, I'm planning on doing some more of those scenes. Though Sirius had a bad childhood himself, so what the Dursleys did to Harry is nothing compared to what Sirius's parents did to him. But there will be more 'Sirius getting upset over Harry's bad childhood.' Thanks for your review.
Alastormadeyemoody51: Gee, when you put it that way, it sounds really bad, doesn't it? I don't think Harry's going to starve from having to eat soup all the time. Trust me, I'm not killing off Sirius. He'll live. Ron however… thanks for your review.
Amaryllis: I'll see what I can do for you. Harry's fine. It was just flu. Ron though… thanks for reviewing.
Star-prancer: Wow! You put me on your favorites list after the first chapter? That's awesome. Really boosts up the self-esteem. I thought my first chapter was crap though. I'm going to re-write it at some point. I loved that phrase: I only like him [Peter] in fics when he's in pain. Hehe. I'm with you. I liked the last chapter too. Thanks for reviewing.
Blackenedsoul: Can't say. But don't you think it makes for a great plot scheme? I mean, sadistic cruelness to a character aside, it creates a lot of angst. I'm only telling you this because from reading your own fanfiction, you're like the queen of angst. Love your story by the way. Hope you update it.
Authors Note: Thanks again for reading. Please review this story and tell me how you like it. Please.