Part 3: Elementary, My Dear Commander
"Tucker to Archer."
The comm started Jon out of his meandering thoughts. Pushing the button, he said, "Go ahead Trip, what did you find?"
The slight hesitation coming from the engineer told him all he needed to know. "I'd like to discuss this with ya in person, if ya don't mind Cap'n," Trip replied, his voice serious.
"I'm in my ready room Trip."
"I'll see ya in five minutes sir," Trip said and ended the connection.
As soon as the comm went silent, Jon jumped to his feet and started pacing in front of his desk, trying to calm down. "Get the facts first Jon," he cautioned himself. "It won't do anyone any good if you go off half-cocked, making accusations you can't back up. You could be reading the whole thing wrong," he added, trying to convince himself. "Oh, but if I'm not..."
"Come!" he commanded when his door chimed.
"Well?" he asked Trip once the door was shut.
The younger man stared straight ahead, not wanting to look him in the eye. "You were right sir," he said with an evenness of tone that would make a Vulcan proud.
When the captain had called him earlier and asked him check the amount of Trellium-D left, compared to how much should be left, he had been puzzled. Then when he'd explained that he suspected T'Pol had been purposely exposing herself to the substance, he'd been insulted, for her sake as well as his own.
The whole time he'd been checking the logs and weighing the remaining Trellium, he'd told himself there was no way T'Pol would do something like that. Where was the logic in purposely exposing yourself to a toxic material?
What he hadn't wanted to think about was what this might imply about their short-lived relationship. If she'd been under the influence of a mind- altering drug, then none of what happened between them was real, at least not as real as it had been for him.
However, when he'd seen the concrete evidence, it had been impossible to deny it any longer. He had to accept that she hadn't ever felt anything more than friendship for him that was not the effect of Trellium... he had to accept it, but his pride didn't have to like it.
He was intent on doing his duty and nothing more. Right now, the man who had forced him to see what his relationship had really been was simply his captain, not his best friend. The sound of air whooshing out of Jon's lungs surprised him though, and he looked up in time to see the faintest emotion—sadness maybe—flicker across his face.
"How much?" Jon asked quietly, turning to stare at the stars.
And then Trip understood. The request hadn't been made on a whim, he'd had an instinct that something was wrong with her, and he'd cared enough to find out what it was. "About three kilos sir, that's why we didn't notice it when we weighed the stuff we left for that ship."
"You're sure?" Jon questioned.
"Travis and Malcolm mined 77 kilos of it, we just gave away 60, and there are only 14 left. There's no mistake Cap'n."
This time, the emotion—fear—wouldn't be driven away. Through his reflection in the glass, Trip could see him close his eyes momentarily, fighting against it, but it remained just below the surface. "How much does it take to... I mean, is that enough, or will she..."
When he didn't finish the question, Trip took pity on him. "I don't know Cap'n, but I'm guessing she'll be fine. Those Vulcans on the Seleya were exposed to a whole lot more, and it was over a long period of time."
He paused for a moment, wondering if he should ask the question on his mind. Deciding it was worth the risk, he said, "Cap'n, how'd you know? I mean, when you asked me to check if any Trellium-D was missing, I thought you'd gone nuts; one too many hits from that reptilian maybe. But you were right. How'd you know?"
Jon turned back around and picked the paperweight up off his desk, tossing it in the air and catching it before setting it back down. "It was just a hunch, Trip," he said then, taking a seat and indicating he should do the same. When he had, he continued. "I noticed T'Pol was acting unusually emotional, and as I thought about it, I realized she hadn't been herself since her initial exposure to Trellium-D."
"At least you realized it was unusual," Trip muttered.
"What do you mean?" Jon asked.
Trip squirmed in his seat before answering. This was not how he'd imagined telling his captain about the brief affair he'd had with T'Pol, and now that he suspected his friend harbored feelings for his ex-lover, he wasn't sure he should say anything. But when he took a look at him, he saw that although Jon didn't really want to hear it, Captain Archer needed to know.
"I shoulda figured it out myself," he admitted. "I was the one... in a relationship with her," he said. It was clear from the way Jon winced that the polite phrasing hadn't hidden the meaning at all. "Look Jon," he started, intent on apologizing.
"That will be all Commander," Jon said brusquely.
He rose from his seat without a word, his impression of the feelings the captain held for the science officer confirmed. When he got to the door, he turned slightly and said, "For what it's worth, she ended it, not me."
"Why would that matter?" Jon asked hoarsely.
"Because she still had emotions that needed to be expressed... she just didn't want to be expressin' them with me," he said quietly, and then he was gone.
Jon stared at the door for a long moment after he left, pondering that statement. Trip had confirmed everything he'd been afraid of about the relationship he'd shared with T'Pol, and yet now he was saying she didn't really want him? How could that be possible? She wasn't the type of woman to be roped into a quick roll in the hay for convenience sake, so there had to be something more...
But right now, he had bigger concerns. How was he going to respond to this new information? In the hour in between his original call to Trip and the conversation they'd just had, he'd gone from wishing to hoping to begging that he was wrong, that she hadn't been using Trellium-D. She had been though, and now he needed to confront her about it.
Part of him wanted to rip her apart for being so stupid. How could she willingly risk her life like that? Didn't she know what losing her would do to him... to the ship?
The fact that his first thought was of himself told him that wasn't the answer. His feelings were not the most important thing at stake... her life was. So much would be lost if she was lost, and just because for some incomprehensible reason she had to play with emotions.
Then he realized what he needed to do. Before he could go in with guns blazing, he needed to understand what had made her do it. He had to know what had been going through her mind... through her heart.
Right now his own emotions were a jumbled mess, and he suddenly longed to be able to meditate them away as the Vulcans did. It would make this conversation so much easier if he...
And then he knew how he needed to handle it, how he could approach her so they were on equal ground. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was just after 8:00 pm. She should be in her quarters... now was the perfect time.
"Tucker to Archer."
The comm started Jon out of his meandering thoughts. Pushing the button, he said, "Go ahead Trip, what did you find?"
The slight hesitation coming from the engineer told him all he needed to know. "I'd like to discuss this with ya in person, if ya don't mind Cap'n," Trip replied, his voice serious.
"I'm in my ready room Trip."
"I'll see ya in five minutes sir," Trip said and ended the connection.
As soon as the comm went silent, Jon jumped to his feet and started pacing in front of his desk, trying to calm down. "Get the facts first Jon," he cautioned himself. "It won't do anyone any good if you go off half-cocked, making accusations you can't back up. You could be reading the whole thing wrong," he added, trying to convince himself. "Oh, but if I'm not..."
"Come!" he commanded when his door chimed.
"Well?" he asked Trip once the door was shut.
The younger man stared straight ahead, not wanting to look him in the eye. "You were right sir," he said with an evenness of tone that would make a Vulcan proud.
When the captain had called him earlier and asked him check the amount of Trellium-D left, compared to how much should be left, he had been puzzled. Then when he'd explained that he suspected T'Pol had been purposely exposing herself to the substance, he'd been insulted, for her sake as well as his own.
The whole time he'd been checking the logs and weighing the remaining Trellium, he'd told himself there was no way T'Pol would do something like that. Where was the logic in purposely exposing yourself to a toxic material?
What he hadn't wanted to think about was what this might imply about their short-lived relationship. If she'd been under the influence of a mind- altering drug, then none of what happened between them was real, at least not as real as it had been for him.
However, when he'd seen the concrete evidence, it had been impossible to deny it any longer. He had to accept that she hadn't ever felt anything more than friendship for him that was not the effect of Trellium... he had to accept it, but his pride didn't have to like it.
He was intent on doing his duty and nothing more. Right now, the man who had forced him to see what his relationship had really been was simply his captain, not his best friend. The sound of air whooshing out of Jon's lungs surprised him though, and he looked up in time to see the faintest emotion—sadness maybe—flicker across his face.
"How much?" Jon asked quietly, turning to stare at the stars.
And then Trip understood. The request hadn't been made on a whim, he'd had an instinct that something was wrong with her, and he'd cared enough to find out what it was. "About three kilos sir, that's why we didn't notice it when we weighed the stuff we left for that ship."
"You're sure?" Jon questioned.
"Travis and Malcolm mined 77 kilos of it, we just gave away 60, and there are only 14 left. There's no mistake Cap'n."
This time, the emotion—fear—wouldn't be driven away. Through his reflection in the glass, Trip could see him close his eyes momentarily, fighting against it, but it remained just below the surface. "How much does it take to... I mean, is that enough, or will she..."
When he didn't finish the question, Trip took pity on him. "I don't know Cap'n, but I'm guessing she'll be fine. Those Vulcans on the Seleya were exposed to a whole lot more, and it was over a long period of time."
He paused for a moment, wondering if he should ask the question on his mind. Deciding it was worth the risk, he said, "Cap'n, how'd you know? I mean, when you asked me to check if any Trellium-D was missing, I thought you'd gone nuts; one too many hits from that reptilian maybe. But you were right. How'd you know?"
Jon turned back around and picked the paperweight up off his desk, tossing it in the air and catching it before setting it back down. "It was just a hunch, Trip," he said then, taking a seat and indicating he should do the same. When he had, he continued. "I noticed T'Pol was acting unusually emotional, and as I thought about it, I realized she hadn't been herself since her initial exposure to Trellium-D."
"At least you realized it was unusual," Trip muttered.
"What do you mean?" Jon asked.
Trip squirmed in his seat before answering. This was not how he'd imagined telling his captain about the brief affair he'd had with T'Pol, and now that he suspected his friend harbored feelings for his ex-lover, he wasn't sure he should say anything. But when he took a look at him, he saw that although Jon didn't really want to hear it, Captain Archer needed to know.
"I shoulda figured it out myself," he admitted. "I was the one... in a relationship with her," he said. It was clear from the way Jon winced that the polite phrasing hadn't hidden the meaning at all. "Look Jon," he started, intent on apologizing.
"That will be all Commander," Jon said brusquely.
He rose from his seat without a word, his impression of the feelings the captain held for the science officer confirmed. When he got to the door, he turned slightly and said, "For what it's worth, she ended it, not me."
"Why would that matter?" Jon asked hoarsely.
"Because she still had emotions that needed to be expressed... she just didn't want to be expressin' them with me," he said quietly, and then he was gone.
Jon stared at the door for a long moment after he left, pondering that statement. Trip had confirmed everything he'd been afraid of about the relationship he'd shared with T'Pol, and yet now he was saying she didn't really want him? How could that be possible? She wasn't the type of woman to be roped into a quick roll in the hay for convenience sake, so there had to be something more...
But right now, he had bigger concerns. How was he going to respond to this new information? In the hour in between his original call to Trip and the conversation they'd just had, he'd gone from wishing to hoping to begging that he was wrong, that she hadn't been using Trellium-D. She had been though, and now he needed to confront her about it.
Part of him wanted to rip her apart for being so stupid. How could she willingly risk her life like that? Didn't she know what losing her would do to him... to the ship?
The fact that his first thought was of himself told him that wasn't the answer. His feelings were not the most important thing at stake... her life was. So much would be lost if she was lost, and just because for some incomprehensible reason she had to play with emotions.
Then he realized what he needed to do. Before he could go in with guns blazing, he needed to understand what had made her do it. He had to know what had been going through her mind... through her heart.
Right now his own emotions were a jumbled mess, and he suddenly longed to be able to meditate them away as the Vulcans did. It would make this conversation so much easier if he...
And then he knew how he needed to handle it, how he could approach her so they were on equal ground. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was just after 8:00 pm. She should be in her quarters... now was the perfect time.