The Night the Bed Broke, Chapter 4
The next day, Methos was down in the kitchen, in the dark, when Duncan came down.
"Morning, MacLeod, sleep well?" Methos asked.
"Methos, why in the world are you sitting in the dark?" Duncan asked, obviously confused.
"Either you normally shave in the dark, or you're just clueless," Methos said.
Duncan messed with the light switch a few times to find the room was still dark.
"So I guess I was right," Duncan said.
"About what?" Methos asked.
"Last night the lights went out upstairs and I figured the storm knocked the power out," Duncan said.
"No, the power lines are fine, I had a look earlier," Methos said.
"Maybe we blew a fuse," Duncan thought.
"I checked the fusebox, it's fine," Methos said.
"It's in the shower Methos, it can't be fine," Duncan said.
"Well then someone must've decided to take a shower at 12:30 last night, and you were all piled in the bed, and Joe was asleep, and it sure wasn't me," Methos told him.
"So what are you saying?" Duncan almost laughed.
"I'm saying either someone else rented this house that we don't know about...or the house is screwed, MacLeod, there's no other explanation," Methos said.
"Screwed I wouldn't doubt...but I don't think there's someone else here," Duncan said, "where's the phone? Or is it dead too?"
"No, the phone's working, but why do you want it?" Methos asked.
"To make a phone call, what else?" Duncan asked.
"I don't know, although a friend of mine once found a rather interesting use for it, she took-"
"Methos!" Duncan cut him off.
"What?" Methos asked.
Duncan ignored him and put the receiver to his ear, for a few seconds he did nothing but listen, "hmmmmmm."
"What?" Methos asked.
"Come here and listen to this," Duncan said.
Duncan handed Methos the receiver, Methos put it to his ear and heard something, it sounded like a mixture between someone moaning and someone stepping on a cat, "what the hell is this? Richie trying something new?"
"It's not Richie," Duncan said.
"Well I hardly think Joe's in any kind of mood to try something obscene like this," Methos resisted laughing as he tried to picture Joe being one end of this.
"It's not anyone in this house and it's far from obscene," Duncan said, "but what it is, I don't know..."
"Did you dial up anybody?" Methos asked.
"No, it was like that when I picked it up," Duncan replied.
Methos being a bit devilish at the moment put the receiver to his ear and listened again, then he started laughing.
"What?" Duncan asked, clearly not seeing what was humorous about this.
"Duncan, do you know what this reminds me of?" Methos asked.
"No," Duncan answered, "and I'm sure I don't want to know her."
"No, no, no!" Methos said, "this reminds me of back in the early 1900s where if a neighbor was on the phone you could hear them talking...you know, before you could dial up someone, instead you just told the operator who you wanted to speak with...and you had to make sure your neighbors weren't on the phone if you tried to get through to someone...sure was a great way to start some gossip though, always listening to what they were saying..."
"I don't see what is so entertaining about this, give me that!" Duncan snatched the receiver from Methos' hand and listened in again. Now it sounded like some inhumane creature screaming, and oddly enough, laughing.
"This has got to be some sick joke," Duncan said as he hung up.
"Joke?" Methos asked, "MacLeod, that is not a joke, that is a 'good time'," Methos said.
"I think you've been dialing too many 976 numbers, you're just a dirty old man, you know that?" Duncan asked.
"Yes," Methos replied shamelessly without hesitation.
"This is why I wanted to get away from you for a few weeks, but instead, here you are as your same jackass self," Duncan said.
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Methos replied, grinning like he swallowed a canary.
"You're just trying to piss me off, aren't you?" Duncan asked.
Methos said nothing and instead rolled his eyes up.
"I thought so," Duncan said, "why do you always do that? Why can't you bother someone else?"
"Because I got through pestering Joe last night, and I don't start on Richie until this afternoon, and being a gentleman, I leave the women alone," Methos said.
"You?" Duncan choked, "A gentleman? Don't make me laugh, I'm still waiting for my lungs to get out from behind my spine..."
"You talk like you got sat on by a 700-pound man, what happened last night?" Methos asked.
"Everything imaginable outside of sex I imagine," Duncan said, "I don't quite remember exactly what happened, but I remember at one point, Richie got twisted up into a pretzel in his sleep and rolled over on my chest."
"Thank God he was dressed, right?" Methos asked.
"Exactly..." Duncan replied. It was then that he noticed something wrong, he turned and looked out the window, everything looked bright red, "what the hell?"
"What?" Methos asked.
When Duncan didn't answer, Methos went over to the window and saw the bright red sky, "oh that..."
"What?" Duncan asked.
"Surely you've heard it before, red morning is a sailor's warning, red night is-"
"I know what it is!" Duncan replied, "what the hell is it doing here?"
"My guess is getting ready for a downpour," Methos said.
"We weren't supposed to be getting anymore rain for the rest of the week," Duncan told him.
"Try telling that to Him," Methos pointed up.
"I know, I know, one thing you can't fight is the weather," Duncan said.
"Yes you can, you just can't win," Methos replied.
"Methos, did you sleep well last night?" Duncan asked.
"Hardly," Methos spat.
Duncan rolled up his sleeve and checked his watch, "it's 6:20 in the morning, how can you be so cheerful?"
"You'd be surprised what you're capable of doing when you're drunk," Methos said.
"How much alcohol were you trying to actually drink?" Duncan asked.
"None!" Methos replied, "that's the point, someone already took the liberty of fixing a screwdriver and a damn good one at that..."
It was becoming obvious to Duncan that Methos must've really been drunk to be this cheerful and this senseless.
"Allright Methos, come with me," Duncan grabbed him by the wrist.
"Where we going?" Methos asked.
"Bed."
"Oh Duncan MacLeod, what a wolf you are," Methos laughed.
"I figure if we hurry, we can get you there before the hangover hits," Duncan said.
"MacLeod, you're a real laugh...don't you know that I don't get hung over? Never have, never will, I've been drinking for some 4,000 years so it would've taken effect by now," Methos said.
"You know I-" Duncan got cut off when he and Methos heard what sounded like a woman screaming.
They ran upstairs to see what the problem was, but Duncan could tell when they got to the top of the stairs that something was wrong.
"Amanda, what happened?" Duncan asked.
"When?" Amanda came out of the bedroom.
"Just now, why were you screaming?" Duncan asked.
"I wasn't screaming, Duncan, where'd you get that idea?" Amanda asked.
"What about Rebecca?" Duncan asked.
"What about me what?" Rebecca asked as she entered the room.
"Hold it," Methos said, "now, did either of you ladies scream just a few seconds ago?"
"No," they both replied.
"That's what I figured," Methos said, "Duncan, would you care to explain this one?"
"Well I....well uh......hmmmmmm..." Duncan tried desperately to think of an explanation, "well it's like you said, Methos, either someone else is in this house, or it's simply screwed."
"What's going on?" Amanda asked.
"Didn't you hear the screaming?" Methos asked.
"No...no one was screaming," Amanda replied.
"Well I don't believe this," Methos said, "MacLeod, we must be losing our minds..."
"I wouldn't say that, Methos," Duncan said.
"No?" Methos replied, "why not? Apparently we-"
"What's going on?" Rebecca asked.
"Where's Richie?" Duncan asked.
"Right here," Richie said as he stepped into the bedroom, "sorry for the delay, but on the way over, I collided with Joe and took him down in the fall..."
"Richie, did you hear someone screaming a little while ago?" Rebecca asked.
"No...why?" Richie asked.
"Apparently MacLeod, we must be going crazy, we're the only ones who heard anything," Methos said.
"Heard what?!" Richie asked.
"We heard someone screaming and we came up here to see what was going on!" Duncan exclaimed.
"Well as you can see, no one was screaming, so you must've just been hearing things," Amanda said.
"I know what I heard, Amanda!" Duncan exclaimed.
"Besides, there is no way that I am crazy," Methos added.
"Well--------" Duncan thought.
"MacLeod!" Methos slapped Duncan.
"Well obviously you must've heard something because no one up here screamed," Amanda told them.
"Are you insinuating we're crazy?" Methos asked.
"What if I did? Just a few minutes ago you were insinuating the thought yourself," Amanda told him.
"This is getting too weird for me, this is a conversation I want out of," Rebecca said.
Rebecca turned and headed downstairs, as soon as they were certain she wouldn't hear them, they continued their discussion.
"Five thousand years and I'm not allowed to be a cynic?"
"Now wait a minute!" Amanda said, "it's obvious that you two were the only ones who heard anything meaning either we missed something or your old age is catching up to you two."
"Old age?" Duncan asked, "You're older than me!"
"Shutup," Amanda replied, "now Duncan, think for a minute, you were up most of last night, you didn't get much sleep, maybe you should just lie down for a while..."
"Oh sure, I hear something and you blame insomnia, what about Methos? He heard it too."
"Methos is just weird, it'd be a surprise if he didn't hear something," Amanda said.
"Hey!" Methos retaliated to her remark by pinching her on her shoulder, when he turned around, he saw Duncan heading back to his room, "And where are you going, MacLeod?"
"I'm going back to sleep, maybe there is something to it."
Duncan went back into his room, fell face first on the bed, and immediately conked out. All that came to his mind right now was how his vacation with Amanda had really gone to hell in a hand basket. He'd planned a few weeks to be alone with his lady, only to be intruded by a drunk, an old man, and two disrespectful teenaged pains in the neck. What with the power going out, the roof collapsing, a tree through the window and having 3 other people sleep tangled in the same bed as he, now hearing voices.
[What's next?] he thought, [A talking salami sandwich and maybe an ogre going into labor?]
"Ugh," Duncan moaned as he rolled over in bed, "I'm a mess....."
Maybe after a few more hours of sleep, he'd get his head cleared up and things would get somewhat back to normal for the remainder of the day.
The next day, Methos was down in the kitchen, in the dark, when Duncan came down.
"Morning, MacLeod, sleep well?" Methos asked.
"Methos, why in the world are you sitting in the dark?" Duncan asked, obviously confused.
"Either you normally shave in the dark, or you're just clueless," Methos said.
Duncan messed with the light switch a few times to find the room was still dark.
"So I guess I was right," Duncan said.
"About what?" Methos asked.
"Last night the lights went out upstairs and I figured the storm knocked the power out," Duncan said.
"No, the power lines are fine, I had a look earlier," Methos said.
"Maybe we blew a fuse," Duncan thought.
"I checked the fusebox, it's fine," Methos said.
"It's in the shower Methos, it can't be fine," Duncan said.
"Well then someone must've decided to take a shower at 12:30 last night, and you were all piled in the bed, and Joe was asleep, and it sure wasn't me," Methos told him.
"So what are you saying?" Duncan almost laughed.
"I'm saying either someone else rented this house that we don't know about...or the house is screwed, MacLeod, there's no other explanation," Methos said.
"Screwed I wouldn't doubt...but I don't think there's someone else here," Duncan said, "where's the phone? Or is it dead too?"
"No, the phone's working, but why do you want it?" Methos asked.
"To make a phone call, what else?" Duncan asked.
"I don't know, although a friend of mine once found a rather interesting use for it, she took-"
"Methos!" Duncan cut him off.
"What?" Methos asked.
Duncan ignored him and put the receiver to his ear, for a few seconds he did nothing but listen, "hmmmmmm."
"What?" Methos asked.
"Come here and listen to this," Duncan said.
Duncan handed Methos the receiver, Methos put it to his ear and heard something, it sounded like a mixture between someone moaning and someone stepping on a cat, "what the hell is this? Richie trying something new?"
"It's not Richie," Duncan said.
"Well I hardly think Joe's in any kind of mood to try something obscene like this," Methos resisted laughing as he tried to picture Joe being one end of this.
"It's not anyone in this house and it's far from obscene," Duncan said, "but what it is, I don't know..."
"Did you dial up anybody?" Methos asked.
"No, it was like that when I picked it up," Duncan replied.
Methos being a bit devilish at the moment put the receiver to his ear and listened again, then he started laughing.
"What?" Duncan asked, clearly not seeing what was humorous about this.
"Duncan, do you know what this reminds me of?" Methos asked.
"No," Duncan answered, "and I'm sure I don't want to know her."
"No, no, no!" Methos said, "this reminds me of back in the early 1900s where if a neighbor was on the phone you could hear them talking...you know, before you could dial up someone, instead you just told the operator who you wanted to speak with...and you had to make sure your neighbors weren't on the phone if you tried to get through to someone...sure was a great way to start some gossip though, always listening to what they were saying..."
"I don't see what is so entertaining about this, give me that!" Duncan snatched the receiver from Methos' hand and listened in again. Now it sounded like some inhumane creature screaming, and oddly enough, laughing.
"This has got to be some sick joke," Duncan said as he hung up.
"Joke?" Methos asked, "MacLeod, that is not a joke, that is a 'good time'," Methos said.
"I think you've been dialing too many 976 numbers, you're just a dirty old man, you know that?" Duncan asked.
"Yes," Methos replied shamelessly without hesitation.
"This is why I wanted to get away from you for a few weeks, but instead, here you are as your same jackass self," Duncan said.
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Methos replied, grinning like he swallowed a canary.
"You're just trying to piss me off, aren't you?" Duncan asked.
Methos said nothing and instead rolled his eyes up.
"I thought so," Duncan said, "why do you always do that? Why can't you bother someone else?"
"Because I got through pestering Joe last night, and I don't start on Richie until this afternoon, and being a gentleman, I leave the women alone," Methos said.
"You?" Duncan choked, "A gentleman? Don't make me laugh, I'm still waiting for my lungs to get out from behind my spine..."
"You talk like you got sat on by a 700-pound man, what happened last night?" Methos asked.
"Everything imaginable outside of sex I imagine," Duncan said, "I don't quite remember exactly what happened, but I remember at one point, Richie got twisted up into a pretzel in his sleep and rolled over on my chest."
"Thank God he was dressed, right?" Methos asked.
"Exactly..." Duncan replied. It was then that he noticed something wrong, he turned and looked out the window, everything looked bright red, "what the hell?"
"What?" Methos asked.
When Duncan didn't answer, Methos went over to the window and saw the bright red sky, "oh that..."
"What?" Duncan asked.
"Surely you've heard it before, red morning is a sailor's warning, red night is-"
"I know what it is!" Duncan replied, "what the hell is it doing here?"
"My guess is getting ready for a downpour," Methos said.
"We weren't supposed to be getting anymore rain for the rest of the week," Duncan told him.
"Try telling that to Him," Methos pointed up.
"I know, I know, one thing you can't fight is the weather," Duncan said.
"Yes you can, you just can't win," Methos replied.
"Methos, did you sleep well last night?" Duncan asked.
"Hardly," Methos spat.
Duncan rolled up his sleeve and checked his watch, "it's 6:20 in the morning, how can you be so cheerful?"
"You'd be surprised what you're capable of doing when you're drunk," Methos said.
"How much alcohol were you trying to actually drink?" Duncan asked.
"None!" Methos replied, "that's the point, someone already took the liberty of fixing a screwdriver and a damn good one at that..."
It was becoming obvious to Duncan that Methos must've really been drunk to be this cheerful and this senseless.
"Allright Methos, come with me," Duncan grabbed him by the wrist.
"Where we going?" Methos asked.
"Bed."
"Oh Duncan MacLeod, what a wolf you are," Methos laughed.
"I figure if we hurry, we can get you there before the hangover hits," Duncan said.
"MacLeod, you're a real laugh...don't you know that I don't get hung over? Never have, never will, I've been drinking for some 4,000 years so it would've taken effect by now," Methos said.
"You know I-" Duncan got cut off when he and Methos heard what sounded like a woman screaming.
They ran upstairs to see what the problem was, but Duncan could tell when they got to the top of the stairs that something was wrong.
"Amanda, what happened?" Duncan asked.
"When?" Amanda came out of the bedroom.
"Just now, why were you screaming?" Duncan asked.
"I wasn't screaming, Duncan, where'd you get that idea?" Amanda asked.
"What about Rebecca?" Duncan asked.
"What about me what?" Rebecca asked as she entered the room.
"Hold it," Methos said, "now, did either of you ladies scream just a few seconds ago?"
"No," they both replied.
"That's what I figured," Methos said, "Duncan, would you care to explain this one?"
"Well I....well uh......hmmmmmm..." Duncan tried desperately to think of an explanation, "well it's like you said, Methos, either someone else is in this house, or it's simply screwed."
"What's going on?" Amanda asked.
"Didn't you hear the screaming?" Methos asked.
"No...no one was screaming," Amanda replied.
"Well I don't believe this," Methos said, "MacLeod, we must be losing our minds..."
"I wouldn't say that, Methos," Duncan said.
"No?" Methos replied, "why not? Apparently we-"
"What's going on?" Rebecca asked.
"Where's Richie?" Duncan asked.
"Right here," Richie said as he stepped into the bedroom, "sorry for the delay, but on the way over, I collided with Joe and took him down in the fall..."
"Richie, did you hear someone screaming a little while ago?" Rebecca asked.
"No...why?" Richie asked.
"Apparently MacLeod, we must be going crazy, we're the only ones who heard anything," Methos said.
"Heard what?!" Richie asked.
"We heard someone screaming and we came up here to see what was going on!" Duncan exclaimed.
"Well as you can see, no one was screaming, so you must've just been hearing things," Amanda said.
"I know what I heard, Amanda!" Duncan exclaimed.
"Besides, there is no way that I am crazy," Methos added.
"Well--------" Duncan thought.
"MacLeod!" Methos slapped Duncan.
"Well obviously you must've heard something because no one up here screamed," Amanda told them.
"Are you insinuating we're crazy?" Methos asked.
"What if I did? Just a few minutes ago you were insinuating the thought yourself," Amanda told him.
"This is getting too weird for me, this is a conversation I want out of," Rebecca said.
Rebecca turned and headed downstairs, as soon as they were certain she wouldn't hear them, they continued their discussion.
"Five thousand years and I'm not allowed to be a cynic?"
"Now wait a minute!" Amanda said, "it's obvious that you two were the only ones who heard anything meaning either we missed something or your old age is catching up to you two."
"Old age?" Duncan asked, "You're older than me!"
"Shutup," Amanda replied, "now Duncan, think for a minute, you were up most of last night, you didn't get much sleep, maybe you should just lie down for a while..."
"Oh sure, I hear something and you blame insomnia, what about Methos? He heard it too."
"Methos is just weird, it'd be a surprise if he didn't hear something," Amanda said.
"Hey!" Methos retaliated to her remark by pinching her on her shoulder, when he turned around, he saw Duncan heading back to his room, "And where are you going, MacLeod?"
"I'm going back to sleep, maybe there is something to it."
Duncan went back into his room, fell face first on the bed, and immediately conked out. All that came to his mind right now was how his vacation with Amanda had really gone to hell in a hand basket. He'd planned a few weeks to be alone with his lady, only to be intruded by a drunk, an old man, and two disrespectful teenaged pains in the neck. What with the power going out, the roof collapsing, a tree through the window and having 3 other people sleep tangled in the same bed as he, now hearing voices.
[What's next?] he thought, [A talking salami sandwich and maybe an ogre going into labor?]
"Ugh," Duncan moaned as he rolled over in bed, "I'm a mess....."
Maybe after a few more hours of sleep, he'd get his head cleared up and things would get somewhat back to normal for the remainder of the day.