Title: Follow Her Nightmare
Author: MelWil
Fandom: Harry Potter (Tearstains)
Disclaimer: Not mine. It's all JKR's fault
Rating: PG13
Feedback: linawilsonhotmail.com
Author's Notes: A big part of the Tearstains Story. Thanks to Matt for helping. SS/HG
Prologue: Mutual Understandings Writing a letter of understanding
Dear Ron,
There. It was started. Hermione rested her quill against the ink pot and contemplated the precise letters drying on the page before her. She still didn't want to write the letter, but there was a start now, a beginning. Except . . .
Maybe 'dear' was too strong, too familiar. Maybe she needed a more distant beginning – 'To Ron', or just - 'Ron'. Or maybe a more formal tone: 'Dear Mr Weasley . . .'
"Pull yourself together," she muttered. She picked the quill up again and began the second line.
I apologise for not writing sooner. This is, for me at least, a difficult letter to write . . .
Difficult. The word swelled and echoed and she realised she was tired of it. Coming to Hogwarts as a Muggle-born witch was difficult. Defeating Voldemort was difficult. Living without her best friends, coming back to Hogwarts as a teacher, learning to live in another world when you're still the same person – all of it was difficult.
Harry's death was difficult.
I heard you were injured in the Dragonscliff attack. How are your injuries now? Do they trouble you? Or have the healers been able to work their usual magic?
I must shift this letter to more serious matters. It occurs to me that I have spent the last few years keeping secrets . . .
She didn't tell her parents she was teaching at Hogwarts. Despite the prestige the position held in the magical world, she suspected her parents may not be impressed she gave up a high paying research job to become a teacher. She didn't intend to stay long anyway.
She didn't tell her students about her past. She suspected they already knew parts of it: she was the Muggle-born friend and assistant of the late, great Harry Potter. But there was no need to confirm their suspicions; no need to make it a matter of public record.
She didn't tell anyone about Snape . . .
Harry's death left most people in the wizarding world grasping for others. With no one else around, I found myself pulling towards Severus.
It wasn't true. Hermione didn't turn to Snape because there was no one else. She had friends from her university and research days, friends who lived in Hogsmead who would have been happy to help her out. She turned to Snape because of their mutual understandings . . .
Severus understood that Harry was just another wizard, as fallible as any of them. (He'd spent a solid seven years cataloguing Harry's faults.) He knew Hermione didn't want to hear blind hero worship, that she'd prefer just to be held. She'd just prefer to forget she wasn't there when it counted.
I don't suppose it's a real relationship, not in the way Harry and Ginny's was, or even like the relationship you and I used to share. It's merely a matter of comfort and convenience and I believe that one day it will fade away every bit as quick as it started.
Hermione felt a twinge of guilt and wondered why she was lying to herself. But it was easy to dismiss the feeling – a serious relationship with Severus was more than she could be expected to handle.
I apologise for telling you in this manner. I couldn't work up the courage to let you know any other way. But I believe you should hear it from me, not some nosy gossip down at Hogsmead.
The ink dried easily on the parchment, but as far as Hermione was concerned, her words had all the clarity of a confused House Elf. She rubbed at her eyes, trying to decide the best possible way to end the letter.
With regards, Hermione
The parchment crumbled into a neat little ball lying in the palm of her hand. She gave it a final squeeze before throwing it across the room and into her rubbish bin.
Some things were better left unspoken.
Fandom: Harry Potter (Tearstains)
Disclaimer: Not mine. It's all JKR's fault
Rating: PG13
Feedback: linawilsonhotmail.com
Author's Notes: A big part of the Tearstains Story. Thanks to Matt for helping. SS/HG
Prologue: Mutual Understandings Writing a letter of understanding
Dear Ron,
There. It was started. Hermione rested her quill against the ink pot and contemplated the precise letters drying on the page before her. She still didn't want to write the letter, but there was a start now, a beginning. Except . . .
Maybe 'dear' was too strong, too familiar. Maybe she needed a more distant beginning – 'To Ron', or just - 'Ron'. Or maybe a more formal tone: 'Dear Mr Weasley . . .'
"Pull yourself together," she muttered. She picked the quill up again and began the second line.
I apologise for not writing sooner. This is, for me at least, a difficult letter to write . . .
Difficult. The word swelled and echoed and she realised she was tired of it. Coming to Hogwarts as a Muggle-born witch was difficult. Defeating Voldemort was difficult. Living without her best friends, coming back to Hogwarts as a teacher, learning to live in another world when you're still the same person – all of it was difficult.
Harry's death was difficult.
I heard you were injured in the Dragonscliff attack. How are your injuries now? Do they trouble you? Or have the healers been able to work their usual magic?
I must shift this letter to more serious matters. It occurs to me that I have spent the last few years keeping secrets . . .
She didn't tell her parents she was teaching at Hogwarts. Despite the prestige the position held in the magical world, she suspected her parents may not be impressed she gave up a high paying research job to become a teacher. She didn't intend to stay long anyway.
She didn't tell her students about her past. She suspected they already knew parts of it: she was the Muggle-born friend and assistant of the late, great Harry Potter. But there was no need to confirm their suspicions; no need to make it a matter of public record.
She didn't tell anyone about Snape . . .
Harry's death left most people in the wizarding world grasping for others. With no one else around, I found myself pulling towards Severus.
It wasn't true. Hermione didn't turn to Snape because there was no one else. She had friends from her university and research days, friends who lived in Hogsmead who would have been happy to help her out. She turned to Snape because of their mutual understandings . . .
Severus understood that Harry was just another wizard, as fallible as any of them. (He'd spent a solid seven years cataloguing Harry's faults.) He knew Hermione didn't want to hear blind hero worship, that she'd prefer just to be held. She'd just prefer to forget she wasn't there when it counted.
I don't suppose it's a real relationship, not in the way Harry and Ginny's was, or even like the relationship you and I used to share. It's merely a matter of comfort and convenience and I believe that one day it will fade away every bit as quick as it started.
Hermione felt a twinge of guilt and wondered why she was lying to herself. But it was easy to dismiss the feeling – a serious relationship with Severus was more than she could be expected to handle.
I apologise for telling you in this manner. I couldn't work up the courage to let you know any other way. But I believe you should hear it from me, not some nosy gossip down at Hogsmead.
The ink dried easily on the parchment, but as far as Hermione was concerned, her words had all the clarity of a confused House Elf. She rubbed at her eyes, trying to decide the best possible way to end the letter.
With regards, Hermione
The parchment crumbled into a neat little ball lying in the palm of her hand. She gave it a final squeeze before throwing it across the room and into her rubbish bin.
Some things were better left unspoken.