Title: Human Behavior
Author: Orenji Kaniku
Spoilers: SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, and OotP
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
Warnings: Strong Language, slash, and homosexual prejudice
Summary: Ordinary boys, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy meet at King's Cross Station. A seven year synopsis of yearly events in the house of Slytherin which occur in first hand letters to mothers and complete strangers. Is the struggle to do what's right any different in the Wizarding world than in the Muggle?
Challenge: Part of the Ebony and Ivory Challenge #:11. Voldemort never existed, Harry's parents didn't die, and Harry was sorted into Slytherin. (Lirren), 1. A.U. Harry's sorted into Slytherin and falls for his best friend, Draco Malfoy. (Minnie), 93 Draco can't cope with that fact that he's attracted to Harry. (Carawen)
Betas: Yami27, ChildOfSwords, Liger, and my little sister, Monkey4hirenb
Notes: On Draco's birthday, I looked in the Harry Potter Lexicon and didn't find it anywhere! So I made it up. If anyone has a clue as to what it might be please do tell me, I'd appreciate it!
I also want to thank Care for reviewing. It made my day.
And as for Lady Kaylan Noelle, as stated in my email, I do appreciate your opinion and please understand that some English families do have different ways of saying words. I must say that it is my mistake that I made it out to say that all English folk use those words. It is not true. I apologize for my misjudgment in making that mistake.
"There's no map
And a compass
Wouldn't help at all
Human behaviour."- Bjork, Human Behavior
Chapter Two: Neglect
-------------------------------
(1994, December)
December 1, 1994
Hello,
I just need someone to talk to until I can figure all of this out. I told the owl, which does not belong to me, to give this to whoever she could. The barn owl's name is Hera; I don't know why she was named after a Maternity Goddess.
Last year in November we both were sick with hypothermia because I decided to take a bet which involved swimming in an extremely cold lake under harsh weather. We did not win and Haven, my friend, had it in worse because he isn't very healthy. I learned this while we were in the Hospital Wing and I was hacked off because he never told me in the first place. I kissed him while he was sleeping and ran off. It was never brought up again.
We usually spend the last week of summer holiday together at his house. His mum makes big meals because we're 'two growing boys'. We slept in the same room and sometimes the same bed when it was storming because honestly, I never really did like the sound crashing thunder made over my head at night when I dreamed about monsters and mass murderers.
It wasn't storming but Haven sat up in bed and tossed a pillow at me, waking me up. I was very angry and tired,
"What?" I growled. He asked me if I wanted to sleep with him tonight. I stared at his silhouette and rolled over to make room for him, "You're the one who has to move, I'm tired."
Haven didn't say anything. He just moved to my bed with his own pillow because I like one for my head and one to curl up with. I woke up and we were all over the place. His head was resting on my collarbone, his mouth against my skin, slobbering all over the place. His feet were between my legs and dangling over the side. I suppose we would have made sort of an X- looking position.
Before I came over, my dad told me that men were not meant to bed men, only women. If they were supposed to then both sexes would be able to have children. I don't know why he said this to me, but I knew it was disappointing to him that I only spent valuable time with a boy instead of flirting with girls my own age. I turn fourteen January third. I never really thought about girls, just Haven. I guess I really never had a reason to think about girls because he was always there.
It's so confusing that I don't know what I want anymore. My body wants him, but my mind is screaming at me not to touch him. He's like sweet poison.
Last week was the first task for the Triwizard Tournament. Our champion is a Hufflepuff named Cedric Diggory. Quite honestly, I wouldn't be too surprised if Hogwarts did lose this tournament because of him. They had to try to steal a golden egg from the mother dragon. Dancing with fire, all three of them. The next tournament is in February, if I'm lucky I'll be in the Hospital Wing with a deadly disease.
It's not the same when a Champion from your own house isn't competing. It has nothing to do with school pride; it's all about the pride of the separate houses. I'm a prat, I know, but you can't say you wouldn't be disappointed if it hadn't been your house.
From,
Delano
Draco had awakened especially early so that he could send off the letter without being late to any of his classes. He had written a dozen letters, he counted them every time he ripped each up into pieces and cast a disappearing charm over all of the little pieces. Every time his quill bled black ink onto the parchment he felt like his heart was being squeezed until he could no longer write any more.
He came to the owlry every day to pick out the most inconspicuous owl he could find. Hera was an ordinary barn owl with the plainest features he had ever seen. He didn't want to touch her at first; what if he got a disease? Very carefully with one of Harry's handkerchiefs over his hand, he beckoned the brown owl to the perch in front of him. He attached the letter to her leg and almost screamed when she moved her head around to help him as he fumbled with only one hand.
He took a treat from the box by the door and fed her (hand still hidden beneath the handkerchief) before shooing her off to mail the letter. Draco didn't know whom she was going to give it to or when it would get there. Would they send a reply back with her? Would they even care? He knew if he were to receive an anonymous letter of such a nature he would toss it in a fire.
He sighed as he watched Hera disappear into the rising sun. He was tired, not hungry, and irritated. He was irritated because every time he looked at Harry, his green eyes were so wistful it made him want to cast a Cheering Charm on the pathetic fool.
It had been a very long year for the both of them. They had each and every class together; it was intentional because they went over their schedules carefully trying to get the same classes at the same times last year. This was when things were still the same.
Draco went to the Great Hall where students were already getting started on early breakfasts. It was a couple weeks before the end of the term. Draco had planned to stay with his parents the whole break instead of visiting Harry and his family the last week of break as he had done since first year.
He was getting started on a bowl of porridge when Harry came to the table. The boy sat by his side like he'd done for the last four years and focused on a cup of tea. He burnt his tongue drinking it and shoved it away. Draco tried not to look at Harry from the corner of his eye as he heard him butter a piece of toast and toss it on his plate. He didn't hear munching or crunching from the boy beside him, just silence.
Draco himself was also poking at his food. He reached for the coffeepot and nearly jumped out of his skin when Harry moved his hand towards the bowl of fruit for a banana, right next to the coffee pot.
Harry stood up and grabbed Draco by the collar, "Come with me, now."
"I'm eating!" Draco hissed, trying to pull himself away from the other boy's grasp, but he only got jerked back. "You're going to stretch it!" He didn't take heed that the students that had woken up one time (only a quarter of the student body) were staring at them.
"If you're worried about your shirt then I suggest you come with me before I rip it."
Draco grabbed a muffin and complied. He really didn't have a choice because Harry never did let go of his collar. When they were finally out of the Great Hall Draco shoved the other boy away. "I'm not a dog!"
"What the hell is your problem? I've been patient in taking your silent abuse but I've had it. What did I do?" Harry was on the opposite wall with his hands crossed over his chest. His eyes were like emerald fire; he was pissed.
Draco shrugged and started walking away, but Harry would have none of it.
"Impedimenta!" Draco found himself unable to move. His eyeballs screwed around to catch sight of Harry as he tapped his mouth with the tip of the wand.
"You're going to get it for this!"
"Be quiet!" Harry held his wand stiffly in his hand and Draco knew he was dancing with a good hexing. They'd both read the books on Dark Arts that Draco's father had in his library. They knew what they could and couldn't, or rather shouldn't, use in a wand fight. Harry didn't look too compromising at the moment. "Since you won't tell me what has happened, I'm going to pry."
"What? With a game of twenty questions?"
"That's exactly what I'm going to do," In all honesty, Harry didn't know how to play Twenty Questions but he figured it was just that, you ask twenty questions until you get what you wanted in the first place. "What's the matter?"
"You."
Harry didn't let the pain show in his face, but he did grip his wand tightly until he could think of another question.
"Why?"
"Come on, Harry, this is ridiculous! I'm starting to cramp."
"Well then you better hurry!" Harry whispered in his ear.
"I'd rather cramp," Draco muttered.
Harry didn't know what to do. "You don't want to be my friend. . ."
Draco didn't say anything. He stared at the ground beneath his feet and sighed. That wasn't at all what he wanted. Maybe if Harry really was his friend he would know that it wasn't what he wanted. Maybe if Harry really was his friend, his best friend, then he would understand and feel how confused he was right now. Draco didn't know what he was going to do. Draco didn't know what was right anymore. His mother and father said things were right when in his heart he knew they were wrong.
During summer break they were calling Muggle-born wizards, Mudbloods, and Draco stood up saying, "You're wrong."
Lucius raised an eyebrow and took a careful sip of his wine, "Pardon?"
"They're not. . ." Draco couldn't even bring himself to say it.
"Mudbloods?" Narcissa added helpfully. She gave a throaty chuckle and placed a hand on her son's cheek when he scowled. He didn't pull away because she touched him so infrequently. Her flesh was cold and moist from holding her chilled wineglass.
They were on the veranda of the mansion watching the sun dive beneath the horizon line to the other side of the world. They tried to call it family time, but it really was just trying to sophisticatedly soak up the last of the summer sunlight while drinking themselves silly on expensive wine. Draco had long since given up trying to tell his parents that he didn't like wine; he drank it with his breath held as it gagged him. When he burped, it tasted heavily of wine and made his eyes water. He desperately wished for a simple glass of whiskey.
"Draco, dear, it's what they are." He watched his mother move from him to lean against Lucius' lounging chair and drink daintily with one hand while the other fluffed her blonde hair.
"It's that Potter boy, isn't it?"
"What?"
Narcissa glanced from her husband to her son and decided that this was something she needed to stay out of. She perched herself on her own cushioned chair and drank her glass while turning to random pages of her favorite book.
"What exactly do you two do together all the time, Draco?"
The boy set his glass down and crossed his arms. He knew about the kiss. Oh Merlin's Beard, he was going to get whipped, hexed, or something even worse. Lucius took this as a silent "yes" to his suspicions.
"Men were not meant to bed men, only women. If they were supposed to then both sexes would be able to have children."
Narcissa cleared her throat and glanced at Draco. He couldn't read her eyes but he thought he saw disappointment embedded in the slate grey orbs. He would have thought she would be happy, she had confided to Bellatrix that she had always wanted a daughter. Maybe it was a big deal.
Maybe this was just something else that his parents were wrong about, just like the ditty about Mudbloods.
Draco was shaken from his thoughts the moment Harry asked him if he were listening to him. He had been thinking of that horrible summer evening the whole time Harry was talking.
The blonde glared at Harry, "Un-jinx me or so help me you'll regret this ever happened."
Harry bent over so that their faces were level. Harry had always been a little taller, but he'd had a growth spurt and was nearly three inches taller than Draco. Very gently, Harry took Draco's face in his hands and whispered, "I already do," before kissing him.
Draco tried to move out of Harry's mouth, but he remembered he was under the Impediment Jinx. He was frozen into a kiss he thought he didn't want. His lips weren't hexed because Harry released them so they could talk.
If so, why wasn't Draco refusing? He could bite Harry, make him bleed, send him away.
Why did it hurt to be on the receiving end of a kiss he wanted so desperately? What were these things that he was feeling? Was he feeling anything at all? Draco was so confused he wanted to cry with frustration, but that would make him a wuss.
Harry turned around and ran down the corridor. It wasn't until Draco could no longer hear the pounding of Harry's shoes on the stone floor did he realize that the boy left without un-jinxing him. He wished the raven- haired boy had because he felt the need to relieve himself.
-----
Hermione Granger finished her last bite of bangers and got up from the Gryffindor table, still drinking the last of her orange juice. "I have to go to the library before class starts." Her housemates grumbled about how she was always in the library. It was true, but Hermione was a girl who found it so easy to forget her problems in the pages of a book. It was a wonderful and amazing tool to figure things out in the puzzle of life.
It was the only thing she felt she could control.
Hugging her bag to her chest, she opened the door to the Great Hall and almost screamed when she turned right into the back of someone. She did a double take after apologizing abundantly and with eyes wide open asked, "Malfoy, is that you?" Her brain began racking a million questions: Why is he here? Why hasn't someone helped him already? Is he jinxed? Is it the Impediment Jinx? Who did it? Where's Harry? Of course, her mouth refused to work and she stood there like a daft cow.
"Granger?" Draco tried to move his eyes around so that he could see her face. It only made his eyes hurt. "Come around so I can see you."
She did.
"Go ahead, make fun of me. I know you want to."
Hermione smiled sweetly as she neared into his line of sight. He almost didn't catch himself as he prepared to make fun of her large teeth. As the bushy-haired girl un-jinxed him quickly without another word he fell forward into her waiting arms.
"I don't want to make fun of you," she didn't think anything of it when Draco pulled away to work out the kinks from his muscles. She didn't think he was the type who liked to be touched. As Hermione looked at Draco closely she noticed his hair had grown longer, to his shoulders and that it was held back with a shiny black ribbon. New or perhaps very well taken care of. She wanted to touch it and feel how soft it was. Like the down behind a kitten's ear. He didn't look happy and his eyes were shiny with moisture.
"Why not?" Draco asked, leaning against the wall.
"Well, why should I?" She asked, pulling on his robes so that she could make it to the library and keep talking to him. It was rather odd, she admitted it, but she was in a Wizarding world and things were not as they always seemed.
"Because I've never had a reason to be nice to you, that's why." Draco snapped.
"I can just put you back where you were, you know." Hermione said as-a- matter-of-factly.
Draco's head jerked around to scan her face. It was unreadable. Damnation!
"But. . . I won't. Why?" Hermione asked, Draco nodded his head, "Because Harry wouldn't like it. You're his friend. I honestly don't know why, but you are and I respect that." She turned on her heels at the library's entrance. "Are you going to follow me in or are you going to thank me and leave?" She smiled, "It's your decision of course."
"I'll go." Draco lifted his chin as a small gesture of thanks and left quickly. Hermione cleared her throat and opened her bag to turn in the four thick volumes she had checked out the week before.
-----
December 24, 1994
Hello again,
I had a dream that Haven was wearing a pair of frilled robes and rode a broomstick backwards. I woke up and began to look through his things until he yanked me away.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled.
"Do you have a pair of frilled robes anywhere in here?" I asked, I don't know why it seemed so important to me at the time, but I had to know.
"What?" The other boys started waking up. It was Saturday and almost six. Haven grabbed his glasses and stared at me for a long time. I started getting very uncomfortable by the time I decided to say something.
"I had a weird dream," was all I could tell him.
Very slowly a smile started forming until he laughed. I never realized how much a laugh could be appreciated until he began laughing.
"Are we okay?" He asked after he'd finally calmed down, holding a pain in his side.
"No."
The laughing abruptly stopped and he slammed his trunk closed, barley missing my fingers.
"I don't understand you!"
"Shush!" I didn't want anyone in the dorm to completely wake up and understand what we were talking about.
"NO! I'M NOT GOING TO SHUSH! I'M TIRED OF SHUSHING! DON'T SHUSH ME!" He yelled. Haven flung himself on his bed and started crying. It was scary how hard he was crying. I thought he was going to suffocate in his pillow or something. I went to his bed, grabbed him, and held him until he quieted down. The other boys had by then completely woken up. I told them simply that his aunt had died. It's a real shame that she didn't because the woman is a complete moron and an all around dog. They gave their respects and went down to breakfast as quickly as they could, leaving us alone again.
"Don't touch me," Haven growled, trying to push me away.
"No."
"You talk a lot of cack. Do you know that? I'm tired of it!"
"You kissed me."
Haven glared at me, "You started it."
"YOU CHEATER!" I was very angry now, "You were supposed to be asleep!"
"WELL I WASN'T!"
I cast a silencing charm over the dormitory. I wasn't going to make another mistake.
"Do you know how difficult this is?" I asked him. He just looked at me and before I knew what happened, he was swinging a fist and I was on the floor. My jaw really hurt.
"You ignore me for five months and make me feel like shite and you have the gall to say that to me?"
"What do you want me to say. . . YOU HIT ME!" I got up and tackled him. He hit the dresser and we went tumbling down in a mess of books and broken glass of the candle lamps that are in all of the dormitories. I got him back for hitting me. We fought until our head of House came up to check on Haven. Obviously, someone told him about my white lie.
We were seperated and served detention until the break where I spent a few days with my family. They never really are ones for celebrating holidays the way Haven's parents are so we had an early Christmas and I am now in Haven's room writing your letter. Christmas Day is tomorrow and I hope from wherever you are. . . you know how much I appreciate you listening to me.
Delano
-----
"You still writing? Who's the letter to?" Harry asked, jumping on the bed. Draco held his bottle of ink and parchment up off the mattress and shot the boy a nasty look.
"Watch it!" When Harry sat across from him, he finally sighed and muttered, "Old friend, Harry."
"Thanks."
Draco didn't say anything. He just folded the letter twice and placed it in an envelope to be mailed later. "What do you want?"
Harry wanted to kiss the blonde; that's what he wanted to do. He couldn't keep his gaze off Draco's lips. They looked soft; they were from what Harry remembered. They were slightly chapped from the cold weather when they went sledding with Harry's parents and two Uncles.
Unlike what most kids thought about the rich Malfoy: he didn't use moisturizer on his lips, they did chap; he was a not a wizard who did not have normal bodily functions; (This usually made Harry laugh) Draco was vain, but not stereotypically so. He took baths with unscented soap and though it was all very expensive and he was greedy with it – he did not smell like a lavender bonny lass.
Harry thought he smelled rather musky but that was, he supposed, the cause of the cologne he wore and not the soap at all. Maybe it was a combination of both.
"You know what I want," he murmured.
Draco shifted on the bed. He would have given anything at that moment to have been able to Apparate. Why was he so nervous?
"I . . . I think it's time for dinner. . ."
"We just ate. . ." Harry wasn't looking away. It was scary. Draco wondered if his eyes were going to itch and water. His always did when he stared for more than ten seconds.
"Ooh, look. . . a Snitch!"
"Why do you act like that?" Harry asked, frowning at Draco's lame attempt to distract him while he no doubtfully would have fled from the room. He stretched his long legs and leaned on his elbows, studying Draco and enjoying every minute of his discomfort.
"You're coming on to me!" Draco exasperated.
Harry laughed, "I'll leave you alone then," He got up and began to walk to the door, secretly disappointed that he hadn't been able to taste Draco a third time. It was only natural to want this, right? They'd been friends for four years; Harry couldn't deny that he thought Draco understood him better than even his Father did. He had no desire to be with anyone if it wasn't Draco. Things were unpredictable with him. Exciting. Quite frankly, the boy came with his own warning label.
He closed the door and winced as he leaned against the polished wood. Too bad he didn't come with a good first-aid kit to match that warning label. After their fight last week at Hogwarts, Professor Snape refused to let them go to the Hospital Wing after he was completely sure that they suffered only flesh wounds.
Harry almost screamed when the door opened behind him and he was slammed against the wall of his bedroom. He didn't have time to worry about the pain; Draco was looking him right in the eye, one hand supporting his weight on the wall right next to him and the other closing the door.
"No one can know," was all he said before he kissed Harry. The raven-haired boy didn't argue. He gladly leaned into the kiss, snaking his hands up and around Draco's neck to deepen it. Draco complied and allowed him full access to his open mouth until Harry roamed over his throat and collarbone.
Draco pulled away and repeated himself, "No one can know, Harry."
"No one will," He whispered
-----
To Be Continued. . .