Chapter Three- This I Promise You
When the visions around you Bring tears to your eyes. And all that surrounds you Are secrets and lies. I'll be your strength I'll be your hope... ...And I will take you in my arms And hold you right where you belong. 'Til the day my life is through This I promise you. N'SYNC
"Happy Birthday Dais..." Ezra began clearing his throat as he turned towards her. He pulled the small package out of his pocket and handed it to her. Daisy looked at him and smiled.
"I hope you didn't feel like it was your obligation to get me something Ezra," she said sighing.
"It wasn't an obligation Daisy, you're my friend and I wanted to do something special for you, now open it."
Daisy rolled her eyes and opened up the box. She turned to Ezra in amazement when she saw what was inside. Slowly she lifted up the small silver necklace and watched intently as the flower, daisy charm dangled and sparkled in the moonlight.
"It's beautiful," she whispered almost speechless. "This must have cost you a fortune, I can't take it," she said quickly closing the box and dropping it back into Ezra's lap.
"It's a gift," he said forcing it back into her hand. "Do what you must with it, just don't give it back," he said flatly, looking out at the water.
"Well thank you," Daisy whispered once again, this time with more of a tremble in her voice. She took a deep breath, leaned over and gave Ezra a sweet kiss on the cheek. "You're an amazing friend," she added making sure he didn't overestimate the meaning of the kiss. "Promise me you'll always be around when I need you, even after we leave this backward place?" she finished with a smile. Ezra closed his eyes for a moment in order to block out his disappointment.
"Always," he managed to choke out with undetected emotion. Daisy just nodded and returned to staring out at the pond. She held the necklace up, clenched in her hand, close to her heart as she contemplated in her head what she was doing, not only to herself but also to her best friend. She had known for almost a year now that Ezra loved her. And not just the friendship kind of love that she knew she embodied for him, but more of an unconditional adoration. It scared her to think that if she opened up her heart, that she and Ezra could in theory, be just like Scott and Shelby. But it was that exact fear that stopped her from sharing her feelings with him. Not that she even knew if she really had the same feelings, but she wanted to have them, in the worst way possible. Everyday she watched as she unintentionally broke his heart over and over again. It was almost becoming unbearable. But her fears, being emotionally capable of holding together a relationship for starters, echoed in her head every time she got close to him and getting close to him was occurring more often then it had in the past. Not that she minded. Actually being with Ezra she felt safe, as long as they were just talking there was hope for her, but the minute anything got near physical, she would freak out and leave. A simple kiss on the cheek was all she would ever share with him, but most recently, as they spent more and more time with each other, she found herself wanting to hold on just a little longer. These urges to hold him, to kiss him, to love him, were becoming stronger and stronger with the passing days but as were the fears. Daisy's parents failed marriage was always a good enough reason to pull away, not that she was sure her relationship with Ezra would ever get that serious but what if it did and what if it wasn't working out and... what if she had to hurt him? As much as Daisy feared all aspects of a relationship, what she feared most was having to hurt the one person who, despite her constant will power, she had grown to rely on. It was a strange turn of events, even for someone as messed up in the head as she was.
Finally Daisy looked up to find Ezra staring down at her.
"What?" she asked slightly embarrassed.
"Nothing," he replied shaking his head and smiling. Daisy made a face. Ezra closed his eyes. "You're beautiful," he added quickly and quietly, hoping she hadn't noticed. The last thing he wanted to do was scared her off. Daisy did hear him but she didn't let him know that, nor did she run away. Instead she fought her fears and stayed. They sat together, for a while longer in silence until finally Daisy spoke up.
"Hey Ezra?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you do the honors?" she asked holding up her necklace. He smiled.
"Would I ever," he took the delicate piece of jewelry from her and draped it around her neck, carefully fastening the clasp before returning to his seat next to her.
"I really do love it," she said sincerely. Ezra smiled.
"I didn't know if you would. I mean I know you're not usually a cutesy jewelry person but I saw it the other day when Peter took Auggie, Scott and I into town and it just looked perfect. Oh and I almost forgot. There's this," he reached back into his pocket and pulled out the neatly sealed envelope with her name on it. The minute she took it from his hand he regretted giving it to her, but now he couldn't take it back. He had no intention of actually handing her the envelope but something about the way she looked at him just then, gave him the sudden urge to pull it from his pocket. "Read it later," he added nervously as the words of the letter rushed around his head. The fact was, the envelope Daisy now held contained a letter Ezra had written to her, professing his feeling. Why he wrote it, he didn't know, and why he brought it with him still puzzled him, but his reasons for actually giving it to her, well that was beyond any logic he could fathom. But it was too late. The past was in the past and once she read it and after she had a good laugh and pitied him for a while she would get over it again. Once it was all over, he would be able to look at her again without his face turning bright red. Only then would she forget about his lousy penmanship, the endless blabber he included about how he loved her and how he thought they deserved to spend the rest of their lives together. And even worse yet, the lyrics to that song that, for reason he will never know, he insisted on including. How he wanted to just crawl into a hole and die.
Daisy played with the letter for a moment, estimating the pages by its weight. It was heavy, at least three, maybe even four hand written sheets of torn notebook paper. Oh god, she thought to herself, this was it. He was going to spill his gut to her in this letter and she was going to cry, for the fifth time in the past week, because as hard as she tried, she couldn't make their relationship work out in her head.
"Well..." Ezra said standing up. "It's getting late and..." he stopped. "Yanno, I kinda had something planned but... some other time I guess..."
"You had something planned?"
Ezra turned away embarrassed.
"Yeah."
"What?"
"Just fire and shooting stars."
"Oh Ezra..."
"It's ok... really, some other time."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
Daisy smiled, a real genuine smile, for finally she had something about her birthday to be happy for. She had someone who cared for her like no one else could. And even if she couldn't return the feeling just yet, she had someone who loved her for who she was. The thought brought her mind to a certain peace.
"Good. And thank you."
"Don't mention it," Ezra said turning to walk away. "Happy Birthday," he added, before disappearing into the blackness.
Lie to me I promise I'll believe. Lie to me, But please don't leave. Sheryl Crow
"What happened?" Auggie asked as he pulled Juliette into the room and onto his bed. Screw the "no members of the opposite sex in an assigned dorm" rule, Juliette needed him and that was all that mattered.
"I haven't eaten anything real in over a week," Juliette began and tears started slowly trickling down her pale and sunken-in cheeks. "The more I eat, the more I throw up. My calorie count is way down... I've lost control and I need help."
"We need to go get Peter."
"No, Auggie, PLEASE."
"Jules, he can help us."
"But I've failed him Auggie, you don't understand, he helped me and all I did for him was lose the battle. A battle that with a little effort I could have won."
"Don't say that, you didn't loose, not yet."
"Yes, I did."
"Jules you need to get to a hospital."
"NO!"
"If you don't get some nourishment into your body soon you could pass out, or worse yet, you could die!"
"Auggie I can't go to a hospital."
"You have to."
"I can't! You don't understand."
"Why not? Juliette, are you afraid, I'll go with you, I swear, if you need someone I'll be right there."
"No Auggie, it's not just that."
"Then what is it? Please Julie, tell me, I want to help you."
"I'm doing it again Auggie."
"Doing what?"
"This..." with a shaking hand, Juliette slowly lifted up her sleeve to reveal her pale white arm, covered with various slash marks and scabbed wounds. Auggie, turned away. He couldn't look at her any longer. He knew Juliette was acting strange lately but he had no idea... and he thought they were getting close, just the other day she had told him that she would never hurt herself again like she used to and now look at her. She was a mess and he had no way of knowing she was hurting that badly. He turned to her with tears of his own.
"Jules you said... you promised..."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"We have to go to Peter. I don't know what else to do."
"He's gonna be so disappointed..." Julietter cried, her heart breaking with each word. As much as she had been aware of what she was doing, she still regretted it. But it was something she couldn't control. Even though her life was going better then it had been in a long time, she found herself missing the feeling of cutting... missing the scars, missing the rush as the blood poured from her veins... not eating again was just an added bonus. What was hurtful to her body made Juliette feel more real. It wasn't until she looked at herself in the mirror only about an hour prior that she realized she was deteriorating, and as much as she would have loved that feeling when she was home, now here at Horizon, she felt as if there was something to live for. As right as it had seemed at the time, the self-destruction was now wrong, she was not only a disappointment to herself but also to others, to the ones who cared about her. Peter, Sophie, Auggie... how could she let him see her like this.
"Why Jules?" she heard him ask as her mind fogged over. "Why?"
"I needed to feel real again," she cried. "I'm SO, SO Sorry."
Auggie pulled her hysterical body into his arms and held her for dear life.
"God Jules," he choked out, fighting back the urge to completely fall apart with her. "You really don't understand what you mean to me, do you?" he asked as he rocked her back and forth. "I'm gonna help you through this. Now we need to go find Peter."
Juliette nodded as she made an attempt to stand up but failed miserably, then crumbled back down onto the bed.
"Oh god..." Auggie cried lifting her up. "Please GOD, help us."
Promise me you won't forget me, Because if I thought you would I would never leave. AA Milne
"Hello?" Sophie answered groggily into the phone.
"Sophie?" Peter asked, for a second thinking he had dialed the wrong number.
"Yeah Peter it's me. Are you in the city? How was the flight?"
"Everything went well... I'm at the hotel. Are... are you alright?"
"Yeah it's just been a long day and I think I'm getting a cold. So how's your brother?"
"Who knows, he's out of town on business, he won't be back until tomorrow."
"But I thought you two were meeting for dinner tonight?" "You're not the only one," Peter replied sighing.
"So now what?" Sophie asked eagerly.
"I guess I wait until tomorrow. I just hope things go better then they did last time he and I talked."
"Oh I'm sure they will," Sophie replied smiling to herself.
"How are the kids?" Peter asked, stretching out on the bed.
"Good, I guess. After you left Daisy was acting kinda weird but I think it has something to do with the anniversary of her mother's death coming up and her birthday and all..."
"Probably... I wish I was there."
"Yeah me too."
"I miss you."
"Ditto," Sophie replied sighing. "It's not the same sitting here in your office 'til the wee hours of the morning filling out financial forms and paperwork without you," she added laughing.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"No don't be silly. You need to see your brother, this is important, I mean it's concerning out wedding Peter."
"I know, I just would rather be there."
"Paranoid about seeing your brother?"
"You could say that."
"Everything will turn out alright."
"I just hope he doesn't have a problem with coming up to Horizon for the wedding, last time he was there... well you know what happened. It wasn't too pretty, it's like Horizon is a constant reminder of what my father gave me and not him."
"Everything will work out fine, trust me."
"I do," Peter said smiling to himself. "It's myself that I don't trust."
Sophie laughed.
"Hey Mountain Man, you're got way too many people trusting you to not trust yourself."
Peter smiled.
"I know."
"You should get some rest."
"Is that you trying to get rid of me?" Peter asked jokingly.
"NO! But I would like to leave this office sometime soon and head to my own cabin for some good 'ol R&R."
"Will you dream of me?" Peter asked sweetly.
"Of course."
"I love you Sophie Becker."
"And I love you Peter Scarbrow."
"Goodnight."
"Night," Sophie hung up the phone and turned to the clock. Eleven forty five... all students should be safe in their beds and... she froze when she heard the knock at Peter's office door. She didn't even know that anyone knew she was in there. Sophie rounded the desk quickly but was not prepared for what she saw when she opened the door. There was Auggie with a very limp and very pale Juliette practically hanging in his arms.
"She needs help Sophie," he said biting his lip to stop the tears from falling. "We need to get her to a hospital... I don't think she's conscious..."
When the visions around you Bring tears to your eyes. And all that surrounds you Are secrets and lies. I'll be your strength I'll be your hope... ...And I will take you in my arms And hold you right where you belong. 'Til the day my life is through This I promise you. N'SYNC
"Happy Birthday Dais..." Ezra began clearing his throat as he turned towards her. He pulled the small package out of his pocket and handed it to her. Daisy looked at him and smiled.
"I hope you didn't feel like it was your obligation to get me something Ezra," she said sighing.
"It wasn't an obligation Daisy, you're my friend and I wanted to do something special for you, now open it."
Daisy rolled her eyes and opened up the box. She turned to Ezra in amazement when she saw what was inside. Slowly she lifted up the small silver necklace and watched intently as the flower, daisy charm dangled and sparkled in the moonlight.
"It's beautiful," she whispered almost speechless. "This must have cost you a fortune, I can't take it," she said quickly closing the box and dropping it back into Ezra's lap.
"It's a gift," he said forcing it back into her hand. "Do what you must with it, just don't give it back," he said flatly, looking out at the water.
"Well thank you," Daisy whispered once again, this time with more of a tremble in her voice. She took a deep breath, leaned over and gave Ezra a sweet kiss on the cheek. "You're an amazing friend," she added making sure he didn't overestimate the meaning of the kiss. "Promise me you'll always be around when I need you, even after we leave this backward place?" she finished with a smile. Ezra closed his eyes for a moment in order to block out his disappointment.
"Always," he managed to choke out with undetected emotion. Daisy just nodded and returned to staring out at the pond. She held the necklace up, clenched in her hand, close to her heart as she contemplated in her head what she was doing, not only to herself but also to her best friend. She had known for almost a year now that Ezra loved her. And not just the friendship kind of love that she knew she embodied for him, but more of an unconditional adoration. It scared her to think that if she opened up her heart, that she and Ezra could in theory, be just like Scott and Shelby. But it was that exact fear that stopped her from sharing her feelings with him. Not that she even knew if she really had the same feelings, but she wanted to have them, in the worst way possible. Everyday she watched as she unintentionally broke his heart over and over again. It was almost becoming unbearable. But her fears, being emotionally capable of holding together a relationship for starters, echoed in her head every time she got close to him and getting close to him was occurring more often then it had in the past. Not that she minded. Actually being with Ezra she felt safe, as long as they were just talking there was hope for her, but the minute anything got near physical, she would freak out and leave. A simple kiss on the cheek was all she would ever share with him, but most recently, as they spent more and more time with each other, she found herself wanting to hold on just a little longer. These urges to hold him, to kiss him, to love him, were becoming stronger and stronger with the passing days but as were the fears. Daisy's parents failed marriage was always a good enough reason to pull away, not that she was sure her relationship with Ezra would ever get that serious but what if it did and what if it wasn't working out and... what if she had to hurt him? As much as Daisy feared all aspects of a relationship, what she feared most was having to hurt the one person who, despite her constant will power, she had grown to rely on. It was a strange turn of events, even for someone as messed up in the head as she was.
Finally Daisy looked up to find Ezra staring down at her.
"What?" she asked slightly embarrassed.
"Nothing," he replied shaking his head and smiling. Daisy made a face. Ezra closed his eyes. "You're beautiful," he added quickly and quietly, hoping she hadn't noticed. The last thing he wanted to do was scared her off. Daisy did hear him but she didn't let him know that, nor did she run away. Instead she fought her fears and stayed. They sat together, for a while longer in silence until finally Daisy spoke up.
"Hey Ezra?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you do the honors?" she asked holding up her necklace. He smiled.
"Would I ever," he took the delicate piece of jewelry from her and draped it around her neck, carefully fastening the clasp before returning to his seat next to her.
"I really do love it," she said sincerely. Ezra smiled.
"I didn't know if you would. I mean I know you're not usually a cutesy jewelry person but I saw it the other day when Peter took Auggie, Scott and I into town and it just looked perfect. Oh and I almost forgot. There's this," he reached back into his pocket and pulled out the neatly sealed envelope with her name on it. The minute she took it from his hand he regretted giving it to her, but now he couldn't take it back. He had no intention of actually handing her the envelope but something about the way she looked at him just then, gave him the sudden urge to pull it from his pocket. "Read it later," he added nervously as the words of the letter rushed around his head. The fact was, the envelope Daisy now held contained a letter Ezra had written to her, professing his feeling. Why he wrote it, he didn't know, and why he brought it with him still puzzled him, but his reasons for actually giving it to her, well that was beyond any logic he could fathom. But it was too late. The past was in the past and once she read it and after she had a good laugh and pitied him for a while she would get over it again. Once it was all over, he would be able to look at her again without his face turning bright red. Only then would she forget about his lousy penmanship, the endless blabber he included about how he loved her and how he thought they deserved to spend the rest of their lives together. And even worse yet, the lyrics to that song that, for reason he will never know, he insisted on including. How he wanted to just crawl into a hole and die.
Daisy played with the letter for a moment, estimating the pages by its weight. It was heavy, at least three, maybe even four hand written sheets of torn notebook paper. Oh god, she thought to herself, this was it. He was going to spill his gut to her in this letter and she was going to cry, for the fifth time in the past week, because as hard as she tried, she couldn't make their relationship work out in her head.
"Well..." Ezra said standing up. "It's getting late and..." he stopped. "Yanno, I kinda had something planned but... some other time I guess..."
"You had something planned?"
Ezra turned away embarrassed.
"Yeah."
"What?"
"Just fire and shooting stars."
"Oh Ezra..."
"It's ok... really, some other time."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
Daisy smiled, a real genuine smile, for finally she had something about her birthday to be happy for. She had someone who cared for her like no one else could. And even if she couldn't return the feeling just yet, she had someone who loved her for who she was. The thought brought her mind to a certain peace.
"Good. And thank you."
"Don't mention it," Ezra said turning to walk away. "Happy Birthday," he added, before disappearing into the blackness.
Lie to me I promise I'll believe. Lie to me, But please don't leave. Sheryl Crow
"What happened?" Auggie asked as he pulled Juliette into the room and onto his bed. Screw the "no members of the opposite sex in an assigned dorm" rule, Juliette needed him and that was all that mattered.
"I haven't eaten anything real in over a week," Juliette began and tears started slowly trickling down her pale and sunken-in cheeks. "The more I eat, the more I throw up. My calorie count is way down... I've lost control and I need help."
"We need to go get Peter."
"No, Auggie, PLEASE."
"Jules, he can help us."
"But I've failed him Auggie, you don't understand, he helped me and all I did for him was lose the battle. A battle that with a little effort I could have won."
"Don't say that, you didn't loose, not yet."
"Yes, I did."
"Jules you need to get to a hospital."
"NO!"
"If you don't get some nourishment into your body soon you could pass out, or worse yet, you could die!"
"Auggie I can't go to a hospital."
"You have to."
"I can't! You don't understand."
"Why not? Juliette, are you afraid, I'll go with you, I swear, if you need someone I'll be right there."
"No Auggie, it's not just that."
"Then what is it? Please Julie, tell me, I want to help you."
"I'm doing it again Auggie."
"Doing what?"
"This..." with a shaking hand, Juliette slowly lifted up her sleeve to reveal her pale white arm, covered with various slash marks and scabbed wounds. Auggie, turned away. He couldn't look at her any longer. He knew Juliette was acting strange lately but he had no idea... and he thought they were getting close, just the other day she had told him that she would never hurt herself again like she used to and now look at her. She was a mess and he had no way of knowing she was hurting that badly. He turned to her with tears of his own.
"Jules you said... you promised..."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"We have to go to Peter. I don't know what else to do."
"He's gonna be so disappointed..." Julietter cried, her heart breaking with each word. As much as she had been aware of what she was doing, she still regretted it. But it was something she couldn't control. Even though her life was going better then it had been in a long time, she found herself missing the feeling of cutting... missing the scars, missing the rush as the blood poured from her veins... not eating again was just an added bonus. What was hurtful to her body made Juliette feel more real. It wasn't until she looked at herself in the mirror only about an hour prior that she realized she was deteriorating, and as much as she would have loved that feeling when she was home, now here at Horizon, she felt as if there was something to live for. As right as it had seemed at the time, the self-destruction was now wrong, she was not only a disappointment to herself but also to others, to the ones who cared about her. Peter, Sophie, Auggie... how could she let him see her like this.
"Why Jules?" she heard him ask as her mind fogged over. "Why?"
"I needed to feel real again," she cried. "I'm SO, SO Sorry."
Auggie pulled her hysterical body into his arms and held her for dear life.
"God Jules," he choked out, fighting back the urge to completely fall apart with her. "You really don't understand what you mean to me, do you?" he asked as he rocked her back and forth. "I'm gonna help you through this. Now we need to go find Peter."
Juliette nodded as she made an attempt to stand up but failed miserably, then crumbled back down onto the bed.
"Oh god..." Auggie cried lifting her up. "Please GOD, help us."
Promise me you won't forget me, Because if I thought you would I would never leave. AA Milne
"Hello?" Sophie answered groggily into the phone.
"Sophie?" Peter asked, for a second thinking he had dialed the wrong number.
"Yeah Peter it's me. Are you in the city? How was the flight?"
"Everything went well... I'm at the hotel. Are... are you alright?"
"Yeah it's just been a long day and I think I'm getting a cold. So how's your brother?"
"Who knows, he's out of town on business, he won't be back until tomorrow."
"But I thought you two were meeting for dinner tonight?" "You're not the only one," Peter replied sighing.
"So now what?" Sophie asked eagerly.
"I guess I wait until tomorrow. I just hope things go better then they did last time he and I talked."
"Oh I'm sure they will," Sophie replied smiling to herself.
"How are the kids?" Peter asked, stretching out on the bed.
"Good, I guess. After you left Daisy was acting kinda weird but I think it has something to do with the anniversary of her mother's death coming up and her birthday and all..."
"Probably... I wish I was there."
"Yeah me too."
"I miss you."
"Ditto," Sophie replied sighing. "It's not the same sitting here in your office 'til the wee hours of the morning filling out financial forms and paperwork without you," she added laughing.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"No don't be silly. You need to see your brother, this is important, I mean it's concerning out wedding Peter."
"I know, I just would rather be there."
"Paranoid about seeing your brother?"
"You could say that."
"Everything will turn out alright."
"I just hope he doesn't have a problem with coming up to Horizon for the wedding, last time he was there... well you know what happened. It wasn't too pretty, it's like Horizon is a constant reminder of what my father gave me and not him."
"Everything will work out fine, trust me."
"I do," Peter said smiling to himself. "It's myself that I don't trust."
Sophie laughed.
"Hey Mountain Man, you're got way too many people trusting you to not trust yourself."
Peter smiled.
"I know."
"You should get some rest."
"Is that you trying to get rid of me?" Peter asked jokingly.
"NO! But I would like to leave this office sometime soon and head to my own cabin for some good 'ol R&R."
"Will you dream of me?" Peter asked sweetly.
"Of course."
"I love you Sophie Becker."
"And I love you Peter Scarbrow."
"Goodnight."
"Night," Sophie hung up the phone and turned to the clock. Eleven forty five... all students should be safe in their beds and... she froze when she heard the knock at Peter's office door. She didn't even know that anyone knew she was in there. Sophie rounded the desk quickly but was not prepared for what she saw when she opened the door. There was Auggie with a very limp and very pale Juliette practically hanging in his arms.
"She needs help Sophie," he said biting his lip to stop the tears from falling. "We need to get her to a hospital... I don't think she's conscious..."