Operation N-A-V-I
Not
Always
Very
Intelligent
(Scene: Tatl and Link are just about to run out of the Temple of Time because they can't seem to be able to stop singing)
Link: [covering his ears] AHHHHH!
Tatl: [also running] AHHHHH! [stops something lying on the ground] HHH? Hey Link, what's that?
Link: [picks up the piece of parchment on the ground] Hey, it's a letter from Navi!
Tatl: Really? Read it alloud! I can't read.
Link: [clears throat]
Dear Link,
I hope your peanut-sized brain finds this. I have been captured by a beeing that I am not allowed to tell you yet because the author forbids it. It is holding me hostage by some strange monster in the Forest Temple. Unfortunately for you, you have to go through the Forest Temple all over again and do everything all over again. Sucks to be you. Anyway, HEEEELLLP! It won't let me go and is slowly draining my faerie powers so I can't escape myself! I hope you find this soon, but as far as I know, you went looking for me in the Lost Woods, got warped into another dimension, got turned into a deku scrub, goron, and zora, had to fight an evil mask, then became a boy again, sailed the sea's to find your wierd sister, met a pirate named tetra, tetra turns out to be zelda, you have to go and fight ganondorf again, then appeared back at home with a new faerie. Oh well!
Your faithful faerie,
Navi
Link: [lowers paper and looks at Tatl, who is glaring at him]
Tatl: And you didn't see this when you first came out of the Door of Time... WHY?
Link: HEY, I WAS HUNGRY! I hadn't eaten in 7 years! I went out for cuckoo cake and Lon Lon burgers.
Tatl: Oh well, it looks like we have to go through this Forest Temple...
Link: Yeah, that sucks!
Tatl: ....
Link: ....
Tatl: ....
Link: ....
Tatl: ....THIS IS RIDICULOUS! Is the author so simple minded she has to go and do the whole plot of Ocarina of Time, except instead of finding sages we have to find Navi?
Freeze Card: [appears next to Tatl holding the script] Ummm... [looks through the script] yes?
Tatl: ....well who brought back all the monsters to life anyway?
Freeze Card: I can't tell you that, but you will find out soon.
Tatl: HOW soon?
Freeze Card: Uhh [looks through script] ...after the Water Temple.
Tatl: Oh....oka-wait! You mean to tell me that were going to have to go through the Water Temple again?!
Freeze Card: Ummm...maybe. [disappears]
Tatl: [screaming in anger] THIS IS SO IDIOTIC! ARGHHHHHH!
Link: Are you quite done arguing over the plot?
Tatl: ....yes.
Link: Good, so can we PLEASE go to the Forest Temple and find Navi?
Tatl: Fine, but this does seem like alot to do to just find a stupid faerie!
Link: Okay lets go... [starts to walk out of the temple]
Tatl: [jingles] WAIIIT! Can't you just play the Minuet of Forest and get us there?
Link: Ummm...no.
Tatl: WHY?
Link: To advance the plot, and because the author wants to do a parody of a song on the way.
Tatl:.... fine!
(Yay! Weird music starts up and then you realize its 'Kiss the Girl' from the Little Mermaid! Oooo Ahhh!)
Link: [battles the redeads in the market square. One jumps on him and does the sucking thing that looks...so wrong]
Tatl: [singing]
She is captured.
Sitting in a temple there
Waiting for you to go save her.
It seems a pain,
Why are we Doing this for this ooooh
stupid girl?
Link: [gets out into the field and faces a big poe. The big poe keeps running so he hops onto Epona and chases after it, shooting fire arrows]
Tatl: [singing]
Yes, she was your faerie and
you want to go save her
And find her safe and sound
But it seems a pain for her
to go and stop fighting
lets go and just oooooh
kill the girl
Link: [Is just about to kill the first Big Poe when another one appears right beside it. They then both start to blow fire at Link]
Tatl: [singing]
SHA LA LA LA LA LA
lets go on and
find the girl so we
just kiiiiill her
SHA LA LA LA LA LA s
hes just a pain
why must we go on
and lets just kill the girl
Link: [reaches Kokiri Forest and battles the skulutals and deku baba's there, slowly making his way to the Lost Woods] Why must I go?!
Tatl: [singing]
Nows your moment
We can ditch her here and now
we don't have to go onnn
lets just stop right here
we can leave her here
and then just let her die and kill the girl
Link: [goes into the Lost Woods and gets hopelessly lost]
Tatl: [singing]
SHA LA LA LA LA LA
why do we have to save
the girl shes is oooh
such a pain
SHA LA LA LA LA LA
lets go have milk
and forget
about the stupid girl
Link: [gets into the sacred forest meadow and battles his way through the moblins and the shockwave guy.
Tatl: [you know what]
SHA LA LA LA LA LA
lets let her die
and just forget about her
lets just kill the girl
SHA LA LA LA LA LA
shes a pain
we can just goooo and
kill the girl
We can Kill the girl...
Let just go Kill the girl...
Why don't we Kill the girl...
Let jus go Kill the girl...
Go on and KILL THE GIRL!
Link: [finally makes it to the entrance of the Forest Temple] Whyyy must you sing? And I have to save her to advance the plot of the story!
Tatl: Don't worry, I won't sing anymore!
Link: GOOD!
Tatl: But you will have to when we get into the Temple!
Link: DRAT!
Tatl: Don't worry, It will just be a Disney song since that's all that the author knows!
Link: ....I don't like disney songs.
Freeze Card: [appears] Well DEAL WITH IT! It's the only ones I actually have the lyrics to, the later chapters will have other music!
Link: [grumbles and hookshots up to the Forest Temple]
(Music starts up! OH MY! It's FRIEND LIKE ME from Alladin!)
Link: [enters enters and the Poe sisters appear and start singing]
Poe Sisters: [all four singing]
Well the fire temple had those gorons
and the water the gay water changes
but here you gottaa go find us
AND IT AINT NO EASY TASK! OH YA!
Red blue green purple oh yaaaa
you gotta kill all of us now
until then the elevator won't move
and your friends stuck down below! ooooh
[all four disappear to different parts]
Tatl: [traveling with Link through, killing random enemies]
Well it sucks to be you
You gotta find them soon
OR NAVI IS STUCK BELOW
It sucks to be you ooooooh
Link: [grumbles, and goes on to find Joelle , the first poe sister]
Tatl: [singing]
You have to find them soon
OR NAVI IS LUNCH FOOD!
it sucks soooo much to be you
you gotta go find them soon
Link: [as he battles he sings]
don't worry navi I'll find them
then they all will pay
I hope your not supper by now
but it's the price I gotta pay!
I hope your still alright
AND I HOPE I WILL BE TOO
but for now I gotta find those four
I have to find them soon!
[he reaches Joelle]
Joelle: [singing as she attacks]
Can my sisters do this? [turns invisible]
Can they do that? [twirls her lantern and blows fire at him]
Can they kill you
IN A SNAP?
Well neither can IIIII [Link smacks her with an arrow]
But oh well I'll still try!
Link:[ shoots a final arrow into her body, and she dies. He then goes on searching for Beth]
Beth:[singing]
I shall go and avenge
my sister [turns invisible]
and you will go and dieeee!
So dont you sit there all calm and the like!
your doom is near too! [hits Link with her lantern]
Your going down to the ground [get stabbed in the chest]
AND SOOOOO WILL YOU! [points to Tatl]
Link: [shoots a few more arrows into her, and she dies. He then finds the painting of Amy]
Amy: [singing from her painting]
my puzzle will bend your mind
you'll never get out of here [Link starts on the puzzle]
You'll never get my picture done [Link finishes the puzzle]
and you will be stuck in here too!
Link: [Fight furiously with Amy and finally comes out victorious. He then goes into the main room to face Meg.]
Meg:[singing as she turns herself into clones]
So try to guess which is me [twirls around Link]
You'll never find out soon You and your friend will be stuck in here and.. [smacks Link from behind] [she and the other three clones singing at once]
YOU'LL NEVER GE-ET OUT, NEVER GE-ET OUT [gets shot by Link]
YOU'LL NEVER GE-ET OUT, NEVER GE-ET OUT [shoots Link with fire]
[Takes a huge breath, Joelle, Beth, and Amy appear as they do the fanale]
YOU'LL NEVERRRRRRRR
GETTTTTTTTTT
OUUUUUU...
OUUUUUUUU...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT!
And your faerie friend will die tooooo!
Link: HIIIIYAAAAAAAAA! TAKE THIS! [shoots an arrow right into the middle of her, and she finally dies]
Tatl:[takes a handkerchief and whipes her forehead] WHEW that song was hard to sing!
Freeze Card:[appears] Yes, but it was even harder to do a parody of.
Link: Do was have to sing anymore this chapter?
Freeze Card: No, and probably only ONE song next chapter, since I'm lazy and don't feel like parodying any more. [disappears]
Tatl: Hey, LOOK! [points at the elevator]
(The elevator is slowly rising up, and Joelle, Beth, Amy, and Meg appear and light the blazers, and disappear for the final time)
Link: Alright! We can go down now! [He and Tatl go down the elevator into the push-the-wall room]
Tatl: Ummm, how are we suppose to find the boss?
Link: I guess we just push the wall until we find the boss key and the boss room.
[ballet dancers on a stage]
TO MAKE SURE YOU GET THE ENTERTAIN
WERE GOING TO SING YOU THIS REFRAIN
AND SKIP AHEAD TO SOMEMORE PAIN
EXCUSE OUR GRAMMER WERE NOT TO BLAME
THE AUTHOR IS BEING VERY LAME!
LINK AND TATL FINALLY FOUND THE BOSS KEY AND FOUND THE BOSS ROOM! (Scene: On the staircase up to the paintings)
Link: [gulps] Well here we go, to our first boss!
Tatl: I wonder what it's going to be, since it can't be that Phantom Ganon, he's dead!
Link: Well there's one way to find out...[they walk up into the boss room, and the spikes shoot up behind them]
Tatl: EWWW! What is THAT?
(Long, spikey vines with HUGE thorns on them are everywhere, with beautiful red and yellow roses blooming on them. In the very middle is....)
GENETIC MUTATED PLANT
GIA
Gia: [is sleeping]
Tatl: We have to fight....that?
Link: I guess....luckily it's asleep. We can just walk up to it and stab it right in the face!
Tatl: Okay, careful now....
Link: Don't worry Tatl, I know what I'm doIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGG! [he tripped over a vine and fell right onto the head of Gia]
Gia: [waking up] Grr? GRRRRRRRRR! [throws Link off of it, almost into a huge thorn]
Tatl: Oh GREAT job Link! Now we have to fight it fair and square!
Link: Oh well. [draws his sword] PREPARE TO DIE PLANT-THINGY!
Gia: [flings one of her vines at him]
Tatl: DUCK! [easily dodges the vine]
Link: AHHHH! [gets hit by the vine and gets flung into the wall] Owww... that hurt...
Tatl: WATCH OUT! Here comes another one!
Link: AHA! I'm ready for you this time! [ducks under the vine and cuts it off]
Gia: EEEAAAA! [some weird scream of pain]
Link: Haha! Take that you-[he drops his sword due to a sting in his hand] OUCH! What did that?
Tatl: Link! Look at the flowers!
(The beautiful red and yellow flowers seem to follow Link around, and randomly shoot little darts at him)
Link: Wooo... feeling.......sleepy....[starts to sway and looks like he is about to pass out]
Tatl: No Link! Don't go to sleep! Don't leave me here with the genetic mutated plant! IT'S PROBABLY IN THE FAMILY OF A VENUS FLY TRAP, AND TO IT I LOOK LIKE A FLY!
Gia: [it;s weird green tongue flaps out and tries to catch Tatl]
Tatl: [barely dodges it] SEE? Don't leave me here! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE EATEN ALREADY!
Link: [falls to the ground, asleep]
Gia: [pounds a vine onto his back]
(a loud beeping noise is heard)
Tatl: Ugh, what is that loud beeping noise?
Link: [lying on the ground all bloody and the like]
Gia: [prepares to smash another vine onto Link's back]
Tatl: AHH! Link, wake up! The beeping is the annoying 'only three hearts left!' noise! YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE! GET UP YOU LAZY BUM!
Link: [still lying on the ground, moaning and clutching his side]
Gia: [smashes and huge vine into Link, and a huge thorn stabs him right through the middle]
(Due to the fact this is rated PG, I will not describe the gruesome details)
Link: [is dead]
Tatl: [falls to the floor crying]
Gia: [is gloating in triumph, and is about to eat Tatl]
Tatl: NOOOO! [cries] WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME? [stops and thinks] Well never mind, it was fine if it was you. [cries again] BUT WHY NOW? I WAS TOO YOUNG FOR YOU TO DIE! [stops and thinks] Then again, I am a faerie and I'm really over 700 years old, so I really shouldn't say that...[is inturrupted from her thoughts by a huge light, and luckily for her Gia notices it, and it's tongue stop an inch from her body]
Gia: Uhh? [it's tongue is stuck out]
Link: [rises from the ground, with a pink faerie flying around him]
Pink Faerie: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I SHALL HEAL YOUR WOULDS SINCE YOUR A PATHETIC FREAK WHO DOESN'T CARRY POTIONS AROUND! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! [disappears]
Link: [is totally energized again] Hey, I feel all energized again! Now Gia, prepare for YOU to die! And I don't think plants carry around pink faerie's!
Tatl: LINK YOU'RE ALIVE! [slaps him, and he staggers] DON'T EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! NOW KILL THIS PLANT!
Link: Yes Ma'am. PREPARE TO DIE!
Gia: GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! [mad that Link is alive and it didn't get to eat Tatl] [shoots poison darts again]
Link: Take this! [with amazing skill, he shoots the darts in half with arrows, which peirce all the flowers and make them drop to the ground] Ha, Bullseye!
Tatl: [off in a corner randomly, with five other pink faeries, and there all holding pom poms] LINK! LINK! HE'S OUR MAN! HE'S GONNA KICK THAT BIG PLANTS CAN! [they do flips....uh somehow!] LINK! LINK! HE'S OUR MAN! IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY CAN! [they go into a pyramid]
Gia: RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR! [slams two vines at him, on both sides]
Link: Aha! Take this! [he jumps high into the air, and down below the vines slam into each other and get suck, because the thorns ran into each other] Hey, it WORKED! [lands on the vines and run up to Gia's head]
Gia: [trying to unhook it's vines] ERRR?
Link: TAKE THIS! [stabs Gia right in the center of it's head]
Gia: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M MEEEEELLLLTIIIINGGGG!
Tatl: [from the top of the pyramid] Umm, actually your just dying.
Gia: Shut up! I'm trying to make it dramatic! [takes a big breath] CURSE YOU HERO OF TIME! I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE! I SHALL SICK MY PET OWL ON YOU WHEN I PASS AWAY! THE HORRIBLE...
Link: NO, NOT HIM!
Tatl: [gasps, as the other pink faeries scream]
Gia: THE HORRIBLE KEAPORA GAEBORA![thunder and lighting crashes, crickets chirp] [dies]
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tatl: [she and the other pink faeries faint]
Some Strange Voice from Nowhere: Link! You came and rescued me! After well, 12 years!
WARNING! WARNING! FOR YOU READERS WEAK OF HEART AND EMOTION, DO NOT READ THE NEXT FEW LINES, AS THEY CONTAIN GREAT DRAMA AND ROMANCE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE!
Link: [gasps, and looks up to a small light] Is that you...Navi?
Navi: [appears from a flash of light] Yes Link, tis I! And I can't believe you battled four bosses and a giant mask just to find me!
Link: [confused] Umm, I did?
Navi: [pulls out Majora's Mask script] Ahem. 'Searching for a long lost departed friend' [puts script away] Do you know how that makes me FEEL?
Link: [backs away] Do I... WANT to know?
Navi: It made me feel like this! [dons sunglasses and SINGS!]
Navi: YOU MADE MY EYES GLISTEN WITH TEEEEAAAARRRRRSSSSSSs...
Navi: YOU HELPED ME ABOLISH MY FEEEEEEEEAAAARRRRRSSS!
(music picks up, and Navi starts to rap)
Tatl: Hey, author you said there wouldn't be any more singing!
Freeze Card: [appears] I lied. [disappears]
Navi: [singing]
Hey now, listen now
Listen to me sing, WOW!
Did you know that you were loved?
Link: [covers his ears in agony]
Navi: [singing]
HEY! I've never had so much fun
by saying 'WOW THOSE IRON BOOTS LOOK LIKE THEY WEIGH A TON!'
Over and over til you want to blast me into...
OBLIVION!
Tatl: [she and the pink faeries plug up their ears]
Navi: [singing]
So WHAT if I ain't purple like that supid Tael?
Or a jinga-ling like that annoying Tatl?
I mean, what's so cool about ringing like a bell?
THERE ALL AS STUPID AS HELL!
[gets pounded to the ground by a strange hammer]
Link: [turns to Tatl] HEY! That wasn't nice!
Tatl: [hiding a hammer behind her back] I have no idea what you're talking about!
END OF EMOTIONAL SCENE, ONLY WASN'T REALLY EMOTIONAL
Dark Form: [appears behind Navi's uncontious form] Well well, little Linky! It seems you have defeated my first minion!
Link: And you are?
Dark Form: You'll find out after the water temple, remember? Anyway, I'll be taking this! [Navi disappears]
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tatl: [snorts]
Dark Form: If you wish to see your friend again, you'll have to come to the Fire Temple!
Link: Why are you TELLING me where your taking her?
Dark Form: Because your simple mind wouldn't be able to figure it out, and I don't have all eternity! MWHAHAHHAHAHA! [disappears]
Link: Well Tatl, time to go to the fire temple!
Tatl: [waving goodbye to her faerie pals] Bye! See you next boss battle! Huh? Oh ya, lets go!
Link: [thinking] I feel like were forgetting something though...[they disappear and appear back at the Forest Temple entrance]
Owl: [from a nearby limb] Hello, friends!
Link and Navi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Operaton N-A-V-I
Not Always Very Intelligent