Aishuu Offers:
Dross
mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Konomi-sensei's, not mine.
*****
Part 7: Only shooting stars break the mold
*****
He didn't want to let go of Kikumaru - so he didn't.
It was an unspoken invitation when he hitched over so his friend could find enough room on the bed
with him, and Kikumaru leaned in closer in acceptance. They toppled together smoothly still
entwined, arms twisting tightly together as they moved toward the center without a word. Kikumaru
pressed against him tightly, and Oishi adjusted his grip to keep from losing circulation as Kikumaru
settled in.
Oishi hardly ever shared a bed with anyone. His lovers had been few and far between, and adjusting
for someone else's presence took conscious thought. The feel of a warm body in his arms, holding
and being held, was awkward, and he felt his heart racing when Kikumaru shifted so their legs were
laced together in an intimate posture that only rightfully to lovers.
Still dressed, he wondered why he didn't feel embarrassed - but there could be no embarrassment,
not when Kikumaru needed the touch and feel of a friend. The lights were still on, and he knew they
should probably turn them off, but he feared that moving would disturb the tenuous understanding
they seemed to be reviving.
Kikumaru's face was tilted slightly down, but Oishi saw the long lashes were shut and he was
apparently was relaxing, the confession from moments before having tired him out. His fingers dug
into Oishi's back, and Oishi knew he'd have bruises in the morning. Kikumaru had always been
tactile. Reassurance through touch, knowing that someone cared, would mean more to him than
anything else.
He carefully thought of nothing, not wanting to dwell on what Kikumaru's life had been like while
he had been away.
Instead, he concentrated on the rhythm of Kikumaru's breathing, and strove to match his own to that
so he could fall asleep. Tomorrow they would be entering the last day of the reunion, and then they
would be parting ways...
And he fell asleep.
Kikumaru wasn't a calm sleeper. He tossed and turned, and several times his managed to wake
Oishi as elbowed and poked. It wasn't a restful night, but Oishi woke first, feeling guilty and
helpless. It was time to stop denying the facts, and accept responsibility.
He stared down at Kikumaru's slumbering face, which looked so strange with its older features and
so familiar at the same time. There seemed to be a modicum of peace in it, but even in sleep the hint
of sorrow remained, and it hurt. Kikumaru should have known only laughter, because he was the
type who was meant for joy.
He had failed Kikumaru, and not been there when he needed a friend.
All of their promises, all of their hopes and dreams, hadn't withstood the test of time. He had
conveniently shelved his friend when he had single-mindedly pursued his life. He had forgotten the
ties which they had cherished, neglected everything of importance because he was selfish - and
Kikumaru had suffered.
He was a horrible friend. He knew Kikumaru, had their positions been reversed, wouldn't have done
the same thing. Had anyone been there for Kikumaru? Had Fuji, had Inui?
Fuji had known, Oishi was sure. Fuji had been trying to get Oishi to pay attention to Kikumaru
since the reunion had started, and Oishi had been horribly slow on the uptake. He had known that
something was wrong, but hadn't realized what he should have done, could have done...
And he wondered if there was anything he could do now that he knew the truth. Obviously he
couldn't abandoned Kikumaru again, but that didn't mean he had an idea how to solve Kikumaru's
problems.
He didn't know how to save him.
The clock showed that it was moving on 8:30 a.m., and he realized that he would have to wake up
his partner so they could prepare for the last day. Tomorrow there would be a farewell breakfast, but
many of the celebrants were leaving tonight after the final banquet.
"Eiji... we need to get up," Oishi whispered reluctantly, wondering a bit what type of mood his
friend would be in now after the emotional storm of last night.
Kikumaru's arm was slung around his waist, the light pressure warm and comforting. He groaned a
bit in protest. "Donwanna," he slurred out, burrowing his face into Oishi's chest like a trusting child.
The familiarity in the movement was one that warmed Oishi's heart greatly, and he couldn't resist
teasing his fingers along Kikumaru's neck where he knew the redhead was particularly ticklish.
"Get up, we have things to do," Oishi insisted. "Kawamura's bringing his wife today and Fuji
wanted to have a group breakfast, remember?"
The slightly dazed look in Kikumaru's eyes as his eyes fluttered open was that of someone who
wasn't quite sure where they were. He pulled back and the arm slipped away, and after a second he
seemed to realize where and with whom he was with. "Oh... oh!" he exclaimed.
"Eiji?" Oishi asked in concern, wondering how he would react now.
A slight smile danced on his lips as he stretched slowly, his back arching in a manner similar to that
of a cat. "Good morning, Oishi!" he said cheerfully. He rolled off the bed, landing on his feet and
bouncing over to the bathroom. "I've got the shower!" he exclaimed, ducking in after sticking his
tongue out childishly.
Oishi was confused.
The jester's mask was back. He hadn't really anticipated that. He had thought that... well, he wasn't
quite sure what Kikumaru's reaction would be, but his playful teasing certainly wasn't it. The walls
which he had thought breached were back.
He clenched his fist, listening to the hissing of the shower. He wanted to force Kikumaru to be
honest, the way he had been last night, but...
He didn't have the right.
He needed to talk to Fuji. Scary as the thought was, perhaps the tensai would have a suggestion.
*
The air between the six friends who gathered for breakfast was tense. Tezuka and Fuji were
separated by unspoken agreement by the rest, and Inui had his ear to the cell, murmuring commands
to someone on the other end. Oishi caught something about stocks and Martha Stewart, and "not
going to be caught in a mess like that" so he wisely decided to keep his ears closed to that one.
Kawamura, meanwhile, was cooing over his wife, who was pleasantly round with the seventh month
of pregnancy.
Kikumaru found her condition fascinating. "Really? Pickles and peanut butter on ice cream?" he
asked the woman.
"Strange craving, isn't it? But Takashi is so kind. When I was pregnant with Ichirou, he made me a
lot of wasabi sushi-"
"We'd used to eat a bunch of it together, remember? That was fun," Fuji chimed in, a smile on his
face.
"You were the only ones who thought it was," Kawamura replied with a shudder. "I thought Ichirou
was going to be born holding wasabi."
The quartet laughed, but Oishi and Tezuka were quiet. Tezuka seemed to be drawing a cloak of
isolation around him, the way he did when uncomfortable in a group, and Oishi kept finding his eyes
landing on Kikumaru, trying to evaluate him. Oishi usually would have felt guilty that he still
hadn't caught the woman's name yet.
Inui was muttering that he was not as stupid as an Enron exec, an annoyed frown on his face for
whoever was on the other end of the line.
"What do you want?" Kikumaru asked. "Boy or girl?"
"We already had a test done, and he's going to be a boy," she replied, and Kawamura gave her a
sappy smile. "It doesn't matter, really, as long as he's healthy."
"Indeed. He'll have wonderful parents," Kikumaru said. His smile was genuine as Kawamura
blushed and the woman shimmered with happiness at the compliments.
It finally came to Oishi, why Kikumaru was so interested in Kawamura's family and had spoken so
happily to Kirika the night before. He's probably seen so many unhappy families that it makes the
ones that are all that much more special, Oishi thought, smiling a bit sadly at the redhead, who was
talking about names and suggesting the most ridiculous things, provoking laughter from those who
were listening.
"What are we going to do today?" Fuji put in, apparently growing bored with the conversation.
"Last day of the reunion, back to real life tomorrow. Luckily I don't have anything to do until I find
a position. Unemployment has its advantages." He was rather amused at the situation.
His words seemed to sting them all for a moment before Oishi smiled a bit weakly. "I'll be
beginning my position next week. This is my last week of freedom."
"I took tomorrow off as well," Tezuka put in unexpectedly. "I was thinking about catching up on
some reading I've been meaning to do."
"Why don't we do something?" Oishi suggested, looking around the table. He could steal an extra
day...
Kawamura sighed regretfully. "My father can't spare me. Taking this weekend was something I
shouldn't have done."
His wife tutted at him, saying that it had been important.
Kikumaru gave a shake of his head. "I have to go into the office tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure
there's a stack of work just waiting for me - and I don't think Inui even took this whole weekend
off," he said, his voice a bit amused as his eyes led everyone to look at Inui... who now had a laptop
out and was frantically pounding on it as he muttered into the cell about cheese futures and milk
prices.
Which left Oishi, Tezuka and Fuji. Exactly the two people who being stuck between would feel like
being in the midst of an exothermic reaction.
"I'll catch up on my reading," Tezuka said diplomatically. "I think I need some time to
recouperate."
Fuji's eyes flashed dangerously, and Oishi braced himself for another verbal assault.He wasn't
disapointed.
"Oishi and I hardly spent any time together in high school. I would think you would take this
opportunity to renew the acquantaince since you WERE, but then again, it's you we're talking
about, so I shouldn't be surprised at your antisocial tendencies," he said, his voice level.
Tezuka just took a sip of his tea before smiling a bit at Oishi. "I was going to ask for your current
address," he said smoothly, though there was no apology in his voice.
Fuji snorted a bit rudely and rolled his eyes. "And wait another ten years before contacting him?"
"It takes two to lose contact," Tezuka said, and his face turned away from Oishi and toward Fuji.
Their eyes clashed and Oishi felt like a bone between two ravenous dogs.
"It's okay, Fuji..." Oishi said a bit lamely. "I wasn't offended."
"YOU wouldn't be," Fuji replied silkily. His smile was polite, but the venom that dripped off his
words made Oishi flinched a bit.
"Fuji, lay off," Kikumaru said softly. "Things happen, and life goes on."
Everyone turned in surprise to see the normally cheerful redhead staring down the tensai with
amazing intensity. This wasn't like the time when Kikumaru had thrown the drink - no, this was
something that Kikumaru meant, and he would stand behind his words.
A slight cough came from the side. Kawamura's wife seemed to have lost a bit of her joy, as she
looked at her husband. "Dear, I think I should be going to lie down. Inui-san, you said I could use
your room, right?"
Inui produced a key card without looking up from the laptop and dropped it in her hands. The soft
murmur of his conversation filled the silence as the woman scurried away with her husband.
All that remained was the five players, one of whom was so lost in his conversation that the others
ignored him.
"Eiji... it's alright," Oishi said.
"No, it's not. I'm tired of people fighting when they don't have to. I'm tired of seeing things I can't
fix. I'm tired, dammit, and I'm not listening to you destroy yourselves this way!" he exploded, rising
to his feet and crumbling his napkin as he leaned forward agressively.
The three he was accusing of transgressing looked at him in silence. Oishi tried to find something -
anything - to say before Fuji could do something, but amazingly it was Tezuka who spoke first.
"Kikumaru, life doesn't have any happily ever afters. We just live, and cope. Some things don't
work out. Fuji and I... we didn't work out," he said, a slight hesitation in his speech the only sign
that he was uncomfortable with the topic. "We don't like each other anymore."
Inui hung up his phone abruptly and Oishi's jaw dropped simultaneously as Tezuka confessed to the
truth of his and Fuji's relationship. It was one thing to suspect, but another to know... He would
have looked over at Fuji, to gauge his expression, but Kikumaru was already talking.
"But you used to love each other!" Kikumaru said, his voice fading to a faint whisper. "I thought...
you were so right for each other," he said. "If I can't believe in love, what can I believe in?" No one
was able to come up with a ready answer for him, and the redhead threw his napkin down. "That's
what I thought," he said, before spinning around and stalking out of the room.
Oishi rose to follow him, but Inui reached over and caught his sleeve and pulled him back to his
seat. "That would be a miscalculation."
Oishi opened his mouth to tell Inui off, his temper rising, but Fuji poured a glass of icewater and
handed it to Oishi. "Stay here, and let him think," he said.
"I need-"
"Eiji is stronger than you know. He's gone through hell and back, and if he can't find his own truths,
he won't complete the journey."
"He needs me," Oishi said, feeling himself
"No, he doesn't. He needs to accept reality for what it is," said Tezuka, surprising in his agreement
with the others. Apparently the anger between himself and Fuji had been accepted as a fact of life,
something neither would be able to repair. A glass that, once broken, could not be drank from
without cutting, but could still hold water.
"But..." he starting again, knowing his protest was futile.
"Oishi... you can't save him," Fuji said softly. "He's the only one who can save himself."
Dross
mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Konomi-sensei's, not mine.
*****
Part 7: Only shooting stars break the mold
*****
He didn't want to let go of Kikumaru - so he didn't.
It was an unspoken invitation when he hitched over so his friend could find enough room on the bed
with him, and Kikumaru leaned in closer in acceptance. They toppled together smoothly still
entwined, arms twisting tightly together as they moved toward the center without a word. Kikumaru
pressed against him tightly, and Oishi adjusted his grip to keep from losing circulation as Kikumaru
settled in.
Oishi hardly ever shared a bed with anyone. His lovers had been few and far between, and adjusting
for someone else's presence took conscious thought. The feel of a warm body in his arms, holding
and being held, was awkward, and he felt his heart racing when Kikumaru shifted so their legs were
laced together in an intimate posture that only rightfully to lovers.
Still dressed, he wondered why he didn't feel embarrassed - but there could be no embarrassment,
not when Kikumaru needed the touch and feel of a friend. The lights were still on, and he knew they
should probably turn them off, but he feared that moving would disturb the tenuous understanding
they seemed to be reviving.
Kikumaru's face was tilted slightly down, but Oishi saw the long lashes were shut and he was
apparently was relaxing, the confession from moments before having tired him out. His fingers dug
into Oishi's back, and Oishi knew he'd have bruises in the morning. Kikumaru had always been
tactile. Reassurance through touch, knowing that someone cared, would mean more to him than
anything else.
He carefully thought of nothing, not wanting to dwell on what Kikumaru's life had been like while
he had been away.
Instead, he concentrated on the rhythm of Kikumaru's breathing, and strove to match his own to that
so he could fall asleep. Tomorrow they would be entering the last day of the reunion, and then they
would be parting ways...
And he fell asleep.
Kikumaru wasn't a calm sleeper. He tossed and turned, and several times his managed to wake
Oishi as elbowed and poked. It wasn't a restful night, but Oishi woke first, feeling guilty and
helpless. It was time to stop denying the facts, and accept responsibility.
He stared down at Kikumaru's slumbering face, which looked so strange with its older features and
so familiar at the same time. There seemed to be a modicum of peace in it, but even in sleep the hint
of sorrow remained, and it hurt. Kikumaru should have known only laughter, because he was the
type who was meant for joy.
He had failed Kikumaru, and not been there when he needed a friend.
All of their promises, all of their hopes and dreams, hadn't withstood the test of time. He had
conveniently shelved his friend when he had single-mindedly pursued his life. He had forgotten the
ties which they had cherished, neglected everything of importance because he was selfish - and
Kikumaru had suffered.
He was a horrible friend. He knew Kikumaru, had their positions been reversed, wouldn't have done
the same thing. Had anyone been there for Kikumaru? Had Fuji, had Inui?
Fuji had known, Oishi was sure. Fuji had been trying to get Oishi to pay attention to Kikumaru
since the reunion had started, and Oishi had been horribly slow on the uptake. He had known that
something was wrong, but hadn't realized what he should have done, could have done...
And he wondered if there was anything he could do now that he knew the truth. Obviously he
couldn't abandoned Kikumaru again, but that didn't mean he had an idea how to solve Kikumaru's
problems.
He didn't know how to save him.
The clock showed that it was moving on 8:30 a.m., and he realized that he would have to wake up
his partner so they could prepare for the last day. Tomorrow there would be a farewell breakfast, but
many of the celebrants were leaving tonight after the final banquet.
"Eiji... we need to get up," Oishi whispered reluctantly, wondering a bit what type of mood his
friend would be in now after the emotional storm of last night.
Kikumaru's arm was slung around his waist, the light pressure warm and comforting. He groaned a
bit in protest. "Donwanna," he slurred out, burrowing his face into Oishi's chest like a trusting child.
The familiarity in the movement was one that warmed Oishi's heart greatly, and he couldn't resist
teasing his fingers along Kikumaru's neck where he knew the redhead was particularly ticklish.
"Get up, we have things to do," Oishi insisted. "Kawamura's bringing his wife today and Fuji
wanted to have a group breakfast, remember?"
The slightly dazed look in Kikumaru's eyes as his eyes fluttered open was that of someone who
wasn't quite sure where they were. He pulled back and the arm slipped away, and after a second he
seemed to realize where and with whom he was with. "Oh... oh!" he exclaimed.
"Eiji?" Oishi asked in concern, wondering how he would react now.
A slight smile danced on his lips as he stretched slowly, his back arching in a manner similar to that
of a cat. "Good morning, Oishi!" he said cheerfully. He rolled off the bed, landing on his feet and
bouncing over to the bathroom. "I've got the shower!" he exclaimed, ducking in after sticking his
tongue out childishly.
Oishi was confused.
The jester's mask was back. He hadn't really anticipated that. He had thought that... well, he wasn't
quite sure what Kikumaru's reaction would be, but his playful teasing certainly wasn't it. The walls
which he had thought breached were back.
He clenched his fist, listening to the hissing of the shower. He wanted to force Kikumaru to be
honest, the way he had been last night, but...
He didn't have the right.
He needed to talk to Fuji. Scary as the thought was, perhaps the tensai would have a suggestion.
*
The air between the six friends who gathered for breakfast was tense. Tezuka and Fuji were
separated by unspoken agreement by the rest, and Inui had his ear to the cell, murmuring commands
to someone on the other end. Oishi caught something about stocks and Martha Stewart, and "not
going to be caught in a mess like that" so he wisely decided to keep his ears closed to that one.
Kawamura, meanwhile, was cooing over his wife, who was pleasantly round with the seventh month
of pregnancy.
Kikumaru found her condition fascinating. "Really? Pickles and peanut butter on ice cream?" he
asked the woman.
"Strange craving, isn't it? But Takashi is so kind. When I was pregnant with Ichirou, he made me a
lot of wasabi sushi-"
"We'd used to eat a bunch of it together, remember? That was fun," Fuji chimed in, a smile on his
face.
"You were the only ones who thought it was," Kawamura replied with a shudder. "I thought Ichirou
was going to be born holding wasabi."
The quartet laughed, but Oishi and Tezuka were quiet. Tezuka seemed to be drawing a cloak of
isolation around him, the way he did when uncomfortable in a group, and Oishi kept finding his eyes
landing on Kikumaru, trying to evaluate him. Oishi usually would have felt guilty that he still
hadn't caught the woman's name yet.
Inui was muttering that he was not as stupid as an Enron exec, an annoyed frown on his face for
whoever was on the other end of the line.
"What do you want?" Kikumaru asked. "Boy or girl?"
"We already had a test done, and he's going to be a boy," she replied, and Kawamura gave her a
sappy smile. "It doesn't matter, really, as long as he's healthy."
"Indeed. He'll have wonderful parents," Kikumaru said. His smile was genuine as Kawamura
blushed and the woman shimmered with happiness at the compliments.
It finally came to Oishi, why Kikumaru was so interested in Kawamura's family and had spoken so
happily to Kirika the night before. He's probably seen so many unhappy families that it makes the
ones that are all that much more special, Oishi thought, smiling a bit sadly at the redhead, who was
talking about names and suggesting the most ridiculous things, provoking laughter from those who
were listening.
"What are we going to do today?" Fuji put in, apparently growing bored with the conversation.
"Last day of the reunion, back to real life tomorrow. Luckily I don't have anything to do until I find
a position. Unemployment has its advantages." He was rather amused at the situation.
His words seemed to sting them all for a moment before Oishi smiled a bit weakly. "I'll be
beginning my position next week. This is my last week of freedom."
"I took tomorrow off as well," Tezuka put in unexpectedly. "I was thinking about catching up on
some reading I've been meaning to do."
"Why don't we do something?" Oishi suggested, looking around the table. He could steal an extra
day...
Kawamura sighed regretfully. "My father can't spare me. Taking this weekend was something I
shouldn't have done."
His wife tutted at him, saying that it had been important.
Kikumaru gave a shake of his head. "I have to go into the office tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure
there's a stack of work just waiting for me - and I don't think Inui even took this whole weekend
off," he said, his voice a bit amused as his eyes led everyone to look at Inui... who now had a laptop
out and was frantically pounding on it as he muttered into the cell about cheese futures and milk
prices.
Which left Oishi, Tezuka and Fuji. Exactly the two people who being stuck between would feel like
being in the midst of an exothermic reaction.
"I'll catch up on my reading," Tezuka said diplomatically. "I think I need some time to
recouperate."
Fuji's eyes flashed dangerously, and Oishi braced himself for another verbal assault.He wasn't
disapointed.
"Oishi and I hardly spent any time together in high school. I would think you would take this
opportunity to renew the acquantaince since you WERE, but then again, it's you we're talking
about, so I shouldn't be surprised at your antisocial tendencies," he said, his voice level.
Tezuka just took a sip of his tea before smiling a bit at Oishi. "I was going to ask for your current
address," he said smoothly, though there was no apology in his voice.
Fuji snorted a bit rudely and rolled his eyes. "And wait another ten years before contacting him?"
"It takes two to lose contact," Tezuka said, and his face turned away from Oishi and toward Fuji.
Their eyes clashed and Oishi felt like a bone between two ravenous dogs.
"It's okay, Fuji..." Oishi said a bit lamely. "I wasn't offended."
"YOU wouldn't be," Fuji replied silkily. His smile was polite, but the venom that dripped off his
words made Oishi flinched a bit.
"Fuji, lay off," Kikumaru said softly. "Things happen, and life goes on."
Everyone turned in surprise to see the normally cheerful redhead staring down the tensai with
amazing intensity. This wasn't like the time when Kikumaru had thrown the drink - no, this was
something that Kikumaru meant, and he would stand behind his words.
A slight cough came from the side. Kawamura's wife seemed to have lost a bit of her joy, as she
looked at her husband. "Dear, I think I should be going to lie down. Inui-san, you said I could use
your room, right?"
Inui produced a key card without looking up from the laptop and dropped it in her hands. The soft
murmur of his conversation filled the silence as the woman scurried away with her husband.
All that remained was the five players, one of whom was so lost in his conversation that the others
ignored him.
"Eiji... it's alright," Oishi said.
"No, it's not. I'm tired of people fighting when they don't have to. I'm tired of seeing things I can't
fix. I'm tired, dammit, and I'm not listening to you destroy yourselves this way!" he exploded, rising
to his feet and crumbling his napkin as he leaned forward agressively.
The three he was accusing of transgressing looked at him in silence. Oishi tried to find something -
anything - to say before Fuji could do something, but amazingly it was Tezuka who spoke first.
"Kikumaru, life doesn't have any happily ever afters. We just live, and cope. Some things don't
work out. Fuji and I... we didn't work out," he said, a slight hesitation in his speech the only sign
that he was uncomfortable with the topic. "We don't like each other anymore."
Inui hung up his phone abruptly and Oishi's jaw dropped simultaneously as Tezuka confessed to the
truth of his and Fuji's relationship. It was one thing to suspect, but another to know... He would
have looked over at Fuji, to gauge his expression, but Kikumaru was already talking.
"But you used to love each other!" Kikumaru said, his voice fading to a faint whisper. "I thought...
you were so right for each other," he said. "If I can't believe in love, what can I believe in?" No one
was able to come up with a ready answer for him, and the redhead threw his napkin down. "That's
what I thought," he said, before spinning around and stalking out of the room.
Oishi rose to follow him, but Inui reached over and caught his sleeve and pulled him back to his
seat. "That would be a miscalculation."
Oishi opened his mouth to tell Inui off, his temper rising, but Fuji poured a glass of icewater and
handed it to Oishi. "Stay here, and let him think," he said.
"I need-"
"Eiji is stronger than you know. He's gone through hell and back, and if he can't find his own truths,
he won't complete the journey."
"He needs me," Oishi said, feeling himself
"No, he doesn't. He needs to accept reality for what it is," said Tezuka, surprising in his agreement
with the others. Apparently the anger between himself and Fuji had been accepted as a fact of life,
something neither would be able to repair. A glass that, once broken, could not be drank from
without cutting, but could still hold water.
"But..." he starting again, knowing his protest was futile.
"Oishi... you can't save him," Fuji said softly. "He's the only one who can save himself."