AN: I own nothing. 'Nuff said.
Busy polishing his bayonets sat Paladin Alexander Anderson. Alone in his small room, he soon came to the realisation that since he was fourth-dimensional, trying to polish all of his bayonets would be pointless. He set the newest ones down on the table. Along with the other six thousand. He sighed, and picked up the phone. Intending to order a pizza, he put his finger on the button…unfortunately, he didn't dial the correct number.
"Hello?"
"Yes, is this Charlie's Pizza Place?"
"Excuse me?"
"Yes, I'd like to order a large cheese pizza with mushrooms and --"
"No, sir, I don't think you understand…this isn't Charlie's Pizza Place."
"Then to whom am I speaking?"
"Webster and Martin's Funeral Home, I'm afraid."
"Oh, uh, sorry then."
He hung up. The phone immediately rang again. He peered at it curiously.
"Hello?" he asked.
"Is this Father Alexander Anderson?"
"Yes, who are you?" he paused. "I think I recognise your voice. Do I perhaps know you?"
"Uh, no!" came the anxious squeal of a reply. "No, you don't. I need to talk to a priest."
"Then you have called the right number. Speak, my child, and tell me your problems." he said, switching into priest-mode.
"It's hard to explain…" the voice paused. Anderson thought. It sounded female, but he wasn't sure if he had indeed heard it before.
"You see, I'm bored. And I was beginning to have rather…impure…thoughts because of it. What can I do when I'm bored to prevent myself from doing such sinful things?"
"Well, that depends on what kind of things you can do."
"What do you do when you're bored?"
"Pardon me?"
"But what do you do when you're bored?"
Anderson thought. Endless hours of polishing bayonets filled his head. He flinched. Then he considered.
"My child, I would advise you to do as I do: take the time to really go over the messages of God, and consider how you might benefit the world by helping spread His in your community."
"Uh, thank you." said the voice. "I'll certainly try."
"God bless you, child." said Anderson.
Sighing, ex-police officer Seras Victoria hung up the phone. So much for that idea.
Next: The Devil in Miss Yumiko!