Chapter Septem
Johnny Hotdog
In the course of the next few days, Christian with his amazing carpentry abilities made something that vaguely resembled a hot tub. Sadly, though, it was supposed to be a couch.
"Eh… it'll work," he said while admiring his work.
Satine overheard him and crawled out of the plant where she had been half way digested over the past few days. "Oh you finally built that hot tub!" she purred, disregarding that her hair was completely soaked in plant saliva sap like stuff and that a couple of her toes had mysteriously gone missing.
"It's not a hot tub. It is a couch."
"Oh. Really?" She looked at the couch/hot tub and then burst out into hysterical laughter.
"What?" Christian growled, his pride deeply wounded.
Satine shut up instantly. "Nothing," she said in a monotone voice as she went back into the house and got the baby.
When Christian saw that she was holding the FON baby, he gasped. "Satine!" he exclaimed.
"What!" she answered.
"Baby!"
"Where?" she asked, looking around.
He blinked. "You're holding it."
Satine looked down. "Oh. So I am. Neato."
"You love the baby! You're taking care of it!" He had a semi-cardiac arrest from surprise and collapsed onto his creation, making about half of the boards pop off and causing it to cave in. For a moment he lay there twitching, and then hopped up as a colony of termites sprang out of the ground, did the cha-cha, and then ate all of the wood after which they returned to their holes in the ground singing the bunny hop song.
Christian, although impressed by this show of coordination in the termites, was still more impressed by his wife's sudden ability to touch the FON baby. "What did you do?" he asked her as he came back into the house. Yes, the hot tub/couch was outside.
Satine held up a bottle. It said something weird that he couldn't read, but had a sub-heading that said "Will help you love your freak of nature baby!"
Christian nodded pensively. "Ahhhh…" he said like an old Chinese sage. Not like the plant. Like a wise person. Plants don't talk. Except for the one in the Biffengorden's living room, which was now complaining of indigestion from having tried to eat Satine.