Chapter 15: In Which There Is Much Plotting and Planning

((This is much like my one-shot, "Getting Down to Business." If you read it and liked it, lucky you. If you read it and hated it, I'm sorry, but you'll have to read it because it's important plot development.))

It was perfectly normal chaos in the Team Rocket meeting room. Stephanie, head of the Department of Evil Plans, was singing a duet with her Jigglypuff. Laurel, Frank, Ted and Joe heads of the departments of Evil Mottoes, Evil Laughs, Evil Technology (manufacturing division), and Evil Disguises, respectively, who were sitting nearest her, had dozed off. Mina head of department of Evil Technology, research and development division had taken out a permanent marker and was drawing complicated plans for a New and Improved Rocketmobile on the fake-wood table, and Jon head of department of Evil Rules was yelling at her, because it said in some obscure rule of Team Rocket that drawing in black permanent marker on tables was prohibited. Kristine head of department of evil costumes had borrowed another one of Mina's markers, and was designing outfits. But she was using a teal marker, so it was okay. Gretchen (you've already met her, remember?) was adding about fifty-nine new chapters to her book, Gretchen's Evil Lines for All Occasions. Jena, who was in charge of the Department of Evil Security, was tossing a Pokéball in the air and catching it, looking intensely bored. Jessie and James were arguing. Caryl, who ran the department of Evil Admissions and was also occasionally the secretary, was simply sitting in her chair with her head in her hands, looking as though she had a very bad headache.

Giovanni entered, sat down in his seat at the head of the table, and announced, "This meeting of the Team Rocket Department Heads will now come to order."

The announcement had absolutely no effect on the assembled Team Rocket executives.

"I SAID," he shouted, "THIS MEETING OF TEAM ROCKET DEPARTMENT HEADS WILL NOW COME TO ORDER!"

The others fell silent, mostly. Giovanni smiled. "That's better. Now, the secretary will read the minutes of our previous meeting."

"Uh, Giovanni?" said Jon.

"What?"

"We don't have a secretary anymore, remember?"

"Oh. Forget the minutes then. Actually, forget the old and new business, too. I have something that I'd like to discuss."

The Team Rocket department heads looked politely attentive.

"This afternoon," Giovanni began, "five twerps got into my office. Would you, by any chance, know how this happened?" He glared at Jena- it was her responsibility to keep twerps out of the Headquarters, after all.

"I've no idea," Jena replied truthfully. "Even if they somehow got hold of a card key, which I don't see how they could've, the next bit should've been impossible to get through for someone who didn't know the proper switch combination. And even if they did manage to get through that part somehow, I had people guarding the doors who should've stopped them."

"Hm. Exactly who did you have guarding the doors, Jena?"

Several Team Rocket members who shall remain nameless tried to make themselves small and inconspicuous, and failed utterly.

"Jessie and James, Gretchen and her partner, and these two kids named Bob and Dalton."

Immediately, Jessie said, "It was his fault!"

"No it wasn't!" James said defensively. "It was hers!"

"Well, you were the one who had us guarding the wrong side of the door!"

"Yeah, but you were the one who insisted that we say the motto!"

"You were the one who left the card key in the pocket of your other skirt!"

"Oh yeah, and who was it that insisted that we only needed one card key in the first place, huh? Not me, that's for sure."

Jessie hit James with a large mallet that appeared in her hand out of nowhere.

"Ow," squeaked James. "Where'd the mallet come from?"

"I stole it from Misty because I couldn't find my fan."

Giovanni sighed, wondering what in the world he'd been thinking when he made those two heads of the department of Taking Out Trash. Not much, apparently. Well, no, that wasn't strictly true. He'd thought that supervising the taking out and bringing in of the complex's many wastebaskets and trash cans every day would keep them busy and out of trouble. How wrong he'd been. Allowing them access to the Special Executive Lunchroom, the Special Executive Rest Rooms, and the Special Executive Coatrack, Lightswitches, and Wastebasket- not to mention the staff meetings- had only given them more opportunity to mess things up. And it seemed to have given Jena the sad, misguided idea that they were actually competent, contributing members of Team Rocket. Which couldn't have been further from the truth.

While he'd been thinking this, many side conversations had started up. "QUIET!" he roared. The room fell silent, except for the sound of Caryl getting up to get some Advil for her headache.

"That's better," Giovanni said with satisfaction. "The next person who talks out of turn will be fired, you understand me?"

There was much frantic nodding.

"Right, then. Jessie, James, I'll deal with you two later."

Jessie and James looked terrified.

"Now," Giovanni continued, "since our headquarters have been found, we will have to move to our secondary location. The move will take place in about a week. I want better security systems ready by then, understand, Jena?"

Jena nodded frantically.

"Now, one of the twerps who broke in got into my computer and deleted all files from the folder marked 'World Domination Plans'."

"That's what you get for staying logged in all the time, and labeling your folders so clearly," muttered Mina.

"What was that?" Giovanni asked, in tones that were rather too calm, glaring at the offending Team Rocket member.

"...Never mind," Mina said sheepishly.

"They also," Giovanni continued, "stole all of my backup discs."

Mina began to say, "I bet that was because they were all clearly marked 'World Domination Plans' and were in a neat, easily findable stack on your desk," but thought better of it.

"Those files contained the results of years' worth of calculation and plotting. The loss of them is a severe setback to our plans. However, one of them accidentally gave me a very good idea."

The other Team Rocket members looked at him expectantly.

"We can steal all the noodles in the world, and then we can ask outrageous prices for them and people will have to pay us, because we'll be the only source of noodles there is! Was I not brilliant to think of that?"

Everyone nodded frantically.

"I want a complete Evil Plan by morning. Get on it, Stephanie," he ordered. Stephanie nodded.

"Oh, and before I forget... I'm surprised at you, Gretchen. I can usually count on you to keep out nosy twerps, but this time, you have utterly failed me."

Gretchen didn't reply.

"Answer me!" Giovanni demanded. Gretchen looked confused. After brief consideration, Giovanni realized what was wrong. "It's all right," he said, "you can talk, I won't fire you."

"That stupid twerp cheated!" Gretchen fumed. "He was on his third Pokémon, I was still on my first, and his stupid Pikachu thundershocked me and knocked me out!"

"The fault is yours," Giovanni told her. "You should have cheated long before he had the chance."

"Yes, Boss. Sorry, Boss," replied Gretchen, nodding.

"And now, if you're all quite done with your impressions of those bobblehead-Growlithe dashboard ornaments on a bumpy road, we'll adjourn the meeting," Giovanni announced.

He wondered if it was just his imagination, or if everyone looked incredibly relieved to be going.