Chapter Twenty-Eight

Memory Hunt

The silence of the small empty cottage was abruptly replaced with the sound of chaos as the Snapes returned. All of the children immediately exhaled with relief and talked to each other a mile a minute as they tried to catch Alicia up on school and the Bridle Club and Quidditch in the middle of a tiny living room that seemed to be more bookshelf space than floor space.

"All right, all right, that can wait. Get these trunks upstairs or downstairs whichever the case may be," Severus told them impatiently, the four of them quickly making their exits. Severus lit the fireplace that they had just stepped out of while Jennifer looked cautiously around, pausing when she noticed a small frame sitting on the corner desk with the Severus Snape card in it. The Severus in the card made an attempt to straighten his black robe, nodding at her in a way that made her grin. "Mercy? Lights from top to bottom please, let's get this place alive again. Any problems to report?"

"No, Master Severus, sir. Welcome home! Welcome home, Mistress!"

Jennifer turned to see a cheerful, bright-eyed House Elf, smiling warmly at her before disappearing in a flash, the candles in both the living room and kitchen bursting to life in her wake.

"We have House Elves?"

"Eight of them," Severus said, "Although several follow us to Hogwarts. Ten came with the house, but two are full time at the school now. Mercy, whom you just met, is the Head Elf here, so go through her if you need anything."

"That's quite a lot of House Elves for such a tiny place," Jennifer said, glancing over to see Severus was studying her carefully.

"You don't remember this place at all, do you?" he asked softly. She shook her head. She hadn't even gotten the strange chill that she had had when she first saw Hogwarts. Why would she remember there and yet not here? "Very well, then I suppose I had better show you around," he said, tossing his cloak off and stuffing his gloves in a pocket in case he needed them. "I suppose the kitchen is obvious; this is part of the original cottage, as is the garden, bedroom, and the upper basement. We've had to add on since then, of course," he said, opening the bookcase between the front door and the kitchen. "The stairs here lead to Alex, Alicia and Andrew's rooms, the children's bathroom and guest suite… it used to be the nanny's rooms."

"Where does Aurelius sleep?" Jennifer asked curiously.

"Lower basement. Follow me," he said, opening the basement door and leading her to the family room. Jennifer couldn't help but be impressed… the small book niches, seating areas and table games area obviously designed with the logistics of a family of six in mind. A huge fireplace was snapping and crackling by the time they had got down there, while above the mantle hung a slanted wooden shelf in which Jennifer could see the end of some sort of scrapbook. But before she got a chance to look at it, Severus pulled back the long drape at the far end of the room and she looked with amazement at the incredible view of the bluff, a light flurry of snow racing past while the ocean crashed below them.

"Incredible! What a view! Whoever designed this place was a genius!" Jennifer said appreciatively.

"Thank you, I'd like to think so," Severus said.

"You?" Jennifer said with surprise.

"I designed it, yes, although admittedly Sirius built it. Our nanny at the time, Carol, helped with the interior as well."

"It's wonderful. And with the window, it doesn't even feel like we're underground at all, really."

"That was the general idea, yes," Severus said, gazing thoughtfully at her. "Come, let me show you the lower level." Jennifer followed him down a short narrow staircase into a narrow hallway with three doors, which Severus opened in turn. "On the left here is my study, as you can see…" Jennifer peered in to see a simple room with even more books, a desk, comfortable chair and cot. "The next room here is Aurelius' room… actually, we put it in for storage but after it was clear the two boys weren't going to be able to share a room he decided to move down here… and this opposite door is my potion lab," he said, opening and stepping in.

"Your lab?" Jennifer asked. "Not mine?"

"Well, you use it too on occasion, but I generally make all of the potions for the family, yes. Besides, you used to not want to spend too much time down here at once, and some potions do take awhile. You've never really cared for this room," he added carefully. "How do you feel about it now?"

"Well, now that you mention it, it does feel a bit close down here," Jennifer admitted. "How is it that there's a window? Aren't we further into the cliff now?"

"Sirius linked it back to the cliff edge for ventilation reasons, although it doesn't have the charms the window above us does to keep out the cold. Feel free to use the lab whenever you like, not that we need anything. Right now, I have it fairly well stocked," he said, nodding to the shelves. "But that is basically the house, such as it is," he said, stepping back out into the hall. But she didn't make a move to head back, only stood looking at him with such intensity that it put him slightly off guard. "Yes?"

"You haven't shown me the bedroom yet," Jennifer said.

"Yes, I mentioned it. Upstairs, as you recall, it'll be the door to the right when you get to the kitchen. Feel free to explore at your leisure, after all, this is your house," he said quickly, slipping into his office where his trunks were waiting, clicking them open. "Do you want me to put your things away as well?"

"Oh, no thanks, I suppose I'll learn more quickly where everything goes if I'm actively looking for them," Jennifer said, leaning on the door, still watching him. "Did you use that often?"

"What?"

"The cot," Jennifer said. Severus looked over at her with surprise for a moment before turning back to his unpacking.

"It's from my bachelor days, as is most of the furniture in here," Severus said. "But this is where I come when I need some quiet away from the chaos upstairs."

"Where did I go for quiet then?"

"The garden in the summer. This time of year you never seem to look for it. You often would sit in the kitchen when not attempting to get all of us to cooperate in holiday rituals." Jennifer chuckled softly at that. "Everyone needs a bit of time to themselves, even more so, I think, when you grow so close that sometimes it can be… overwhelming." Jennifer felt the grief in the air and then realized it was her own, the emptiness pulling her from within as she saw in his eyes a fraction of what they had had together. "Not to mention the fact that I went from being an introverted loner to having a boisterous twelve year old son and unusually energetic wife in the same year. You should be getting unpacked, you know. Mercy will have dinner ready at six."

Jennifer nodded to herself as much as to Severus as she went up the stairs, lost in thought. All of this magic… it just didn't make sense… how could such a power take something away and yet not give it back? Jennifer snorted at the naivety of that idea. There were a lot of death spells in the world… a lot of ways even without magic to kill. But how many were there to get someone back? None, obviously, when all was said and done. No evil, it seemed, could be undone completely.

But even as she realized that, a part of her fought it with all her heart… why? Why fight it? Why even try to get it back? Wasn't it just causing more pain than if nothing was tried at all? It was then that she remembered Severus' eyes when she had asked him he loved her, and the anxious looks of her children, not knowing how to talk to her. Aurelius avoided her most of all.

Trying to push her thoughts away, Jennifer slipped into the bedroom, looking around. Just like all of the other rooms she had seen so far, this one had a personality all of its own, smacking her like a cold hand to the face. The room was filled with memoirs; memoirs that without a doubt were put there by herself.

An ornate vanity with a large curtained mirror stood opposite a large carved oak bed, the mirror's frame dangling with charms; a tiny potion bottle on a chain, a unicorn necklace, and trading cards attached to a string of black satin ribbons. On the top of the vanity was a tall jewelry box with drawers in every direction; the rest of the vanity's surface covered with bouquets of alchemists roses, glistening in the candlelight. Jennifer pondered the lavender curtain on the bronze rod a moment, but as she glanced casually in the mirror, the curtains purpose was crystal clear. It was to keep her from becoming distracted by stray glances into the mirror. Perhaps it was Severus' idea, she thought with amusement, glancing in the mirror towards the bed. Just then, she spied a frame on the dresser and went over to look at it, not believing her eyes.

It was a sketch of Mycroft; or at least of Severus in Mycroft clothing, glasses and all. Despite the rough lines, however, the sketch was hardly inactive; staring back at her with a deep thoughtful gaze before finally a thin enigmatic smile crept onto his face. In the corner of the sketch, a single line of the shoulder suddenly turned into the artist's signature; F. Pyther. She smiled and sat on the bed, glancing at the bare wall in front of her where a large hook made for a heavy frame was currently empty, and to one side of the bed was a window of cracked glass, slightly ajar to let in some air.

On the other side of the bed, matching glass doors led to a small walk-in closet and a small bathroom, where beside them were school portraits of the children in their Stoddard uniforms, and one of Corey in his Gryffindor one.

She let out a long sigh then, spying the trunk sitting near the closet door and forced herself to attend to it, pulling out and admiring each robe and dress in spite of herself. It was quite easy to figure out which side of the closet was hers, considering that his half consisted of just a handful of black robes and the one brown suit, the extra space taken up by a low shelf filled with all sorts of magic devices. Hers, however, had quite a number of gowns still there and she pushed them aside to make room for the others she had brought.

Several pairs of shoes came out next, and as she looked around the closet she spied a couple of others nestled below the shelf and fit the others beneath it. But as she began to stand she caught sight of something shimmer and stooped back down again, not believing her eyes.

It was a Pensieve. She was sure of it just as sure that she knew what it did, although she didn't remember ever owning one or even if Severus owned one. Surely it wasn't hers, she thought. If it was, they would have mentioned it by now, wouldn't have they? Pulling it off the shelf she brought it out and put it on the nightstand opposite the one with the picture, grabbing her wand out of the trunk. She simply had to know whose it was. If it was Severus' as she suspected, it'd only take a moment to put it back, she told herself, although she couldn't help but be a little eager to see what the memory nearest the top was. Peering through the slightly open door to make sure no one was around, she gave it a little wave and looked in.

It was not Severus' Pensive. For it was Severus' face that looked back at her now, full of concern in a dimly lit passage. There was another there; a man whose chiseled features dress and manner gave Jennifer the impression that perhaps he wasn't quite human.

"Is something wrong?" her own voice asked, and Severus immediately dropped the lamp away from his face.

"No. But I am going to lead, if you don't mind," Severus said, pushing ahead of them.

"As you will, Merlin blood. You'll have only yourself to blame then if you get us lost," the other said.

"I am beginning to doubt that," Severus muttered, hurrying ahead so for a while Jennifer only saw his back.

"All right, I know we've been here before," her voice said as Jennifer saw a strange chalk mark on the cave wall. "Severus, what is going on?"

"The maze is enchanted," he sighed, a map appearing clear in the Pensieve. "The walls and corridors are rearranging themselves in front of and behind us. Without a key to knowing the proper movements, we cannot possibly get through it."

"But that also means we can't get out!"

The words sounded strange then, and the vision began to seem strangely warped and funny, the words coming after sounding hollow. What was going on?

"Curious how it is that you got out," Severus said, turning on the Magus. "Or was it that Ciardoth let you out?"

Frustrated with how blurry it was getting, Jennifer finally leapt in, just in time to see herself pulling out a wand as a tall frighteningly beautiful woman appeared. Ciardoth, Jennifer had called her, and the name did sound familiar to her ears. Chills went through her too when she saw the Dementors, but as she stared in her own face, she realized that her fear back then had not been because of the woman or the Dementors at all but of where they were. Why, she wondered, watching the exchange between Ciardoth and the man with little interest. Suddenly the earth began to groan, and the Jennifer watching the memory was caught in surprise as they were propelled upward through the dust, feeling the pure terror that had come over her old self as it occurred, only to safely find herself and Severus standing upon a lonely hillside, clinging to him shakily. But just before she spoke again, Jennifer found herself being pulled out and standing on the edge of the Pensieve.

What? That was it? A single moment of terror and that's all? Jennifer scowled in frustration. What had caused the terror in the first place? This was going to get her nowhere going backwards like this, she realized. She would have to start at the beginning.

Waving her wand, she reversed the order of the strands with the oldest on top, carefully tying each one to the other until it was one continuous line. She didn't bother to look to see what the first memory was before jumping. There would have been little point, she thought, considering how little she remembered anyhow. So the moment the last strand was tied, Jennifer touched the surface and found herself pulled in, and found her memory self kneeling in front a large group of cloaked figures. One of them, although she didn't realize it yet, was Voldemort.

Andrew had been onto his way to the kitchen, knowing that Mercy would have a sandwich or something ready for him by the time he got there. Sure enough, as he turned over the plate a rather hefty turkey sandwich was waiting for him. He sighed with contentment, but then realized that no cups had appeared. When he went around the bar to get one, something caught his eye and a curious feeling entered him. He couldn't explain what it was, but as he glanced through the slightly open bedroom door, he got the feeling that something was dreadfully wrong.

"Mum?"

Forgetting about the sandwich, Andrew went to the door, careful not to step over the threshold of the off-limits room as he knocked softly. There wasn't an answer, but he was quite sure she was there and knocked louder, the knock making the door creep farther open. It was then that he saw a shimmer and spotted a bowl on the other side of the bed, and saw the pale crumpled form behind it with a hand still touching the liquid.

"Mum!" Andrew shouted, but she didn't answer. "Father! Father, come quick! Help!" He screamed, and Severus appeared with a * pop * his eyes immediately following Andrew's.

"Oh, God. Oh no," Severus murmured running in and standing next to the bowl, hoping to catch a glimpse of what she was remembering.

"What is it? What is that thing?" Andrew demanded.

"Hell in a hand basket! Tell Alicia to get Corey here, now!" Severus snapped. So unusual was the request that Andrew bolted up the stairs, but as Severus watched the images that passed by he realized that even at painting speed, he couldn't afford to wait any longer, touching its surface.

A moment later, Corey thundered down the stairs followed by the rest of the children, stopping at the door, his face going white as a sheet when he realized what had happened.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Alex said impatiently.

"It seems that Mom's gone and taken getting her memories back into her own hands," Corey said, leaning in to close the door.

"You make it sound like that is a bad thing," Andrew said warily.

"It is the way she's doing it," Corey agreed grimly, motioning them towards the basement. Not even Aurelius questioned it this time, heading downstairs with only a quick exchange of glances with the others.

She was walking in the forest again. This time, she was near the place she now knew the Tomb had been, the tomb where only mere minutes earlier she had seen herself brutally thrashed by a werewolf and buried alive… and yet… just as the memory where she saw herself tortured to the edge of death… just as the moment that Voldemort cast the Unforgivable Death curse… just as the moment Pettigrew pushed her into submission in the caverns beneath the cottage… the event faded to black and she discovered once more that she was alive… apparently to face another nightmare as she and the woman she now knew was Anna walked almost casually through the forest.

Just as she began to step up to hear the conversation she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Severus standing there… the real one, she was sure, from the strange haunted look in his eyes.

"Come, Jennifer, we need to get out of here," he said firmly. "You're not ready for this."

"Who are you to tell me what I'm ready for? And I have some questions to ask, because I don't understand how am I standing here if I've been through so many horrible things, and don't give me that line about how long it's going to take either." Jennifer said angrily.

"Fine. I'll do so outside the Pensieve."

"No, you'll do so now and as we go," Jennifer said. "Because I am not leaving until it's over."

"Jennifer, these memories were not meant to be seen by anyone," Severus snapped. "Not even me."

"Not even me?" Jennifer challenged him. "I'm staying."

"Run!" said the Jennifer in the memory. And Jennifer turned to see Anna and herself faced by an enormous wraith, even now swooping down on the two women as Anna changed into the shape of a Unicorn and Jennifer somehow managed to scramble on, the wraith close on their heels. It was then that all around them came a pride of true Unicorns, and at their head was the most beautiful white mare that Jennifer had ever seen, her heart skipping a beat when she saw the beast race to come up next to the two fleeing women. "Keki!" the other Jennifer cried out, and Jennifer had no doubt it was the Unicorn's name. In fact, she realized with some surprise that she had known it before it was even spoken.

Everything faded to black again, signifying the end of the memory. When they had returned again, Jennifer found herself in a dusty dark cavern filled with centaurs, many of them wounded, and Severus, who was busy tending the wounded behind her. A large centaur was speaking something about the cave entrance collapsing, and the memory Jennifer suddenly paled and bolted out of the cave, and the perspective changed to look out on the Dark Forest ravaged by battle and an army of harpies in the air. But as Jennifer whipped out her wand as if preparing to take the entire army single handedly, the Unicorn returned, a flash on her horn as she reared up and the visage of a giant snake appearing around Jennifer, protecting her from the flying targets, snapping their wings when they came near her until a blast of magic from several wands shot out over Jennifer's head.

Everything faded again, and she found herself still in the forest, walking with Anna, Hermione and Ron. Behind her, Severus suddenly clenched her shoulder tighter, tempted to take her out by force, but the look of defiance in Jennifer's eyes as he considered it made him pause, despite the dread he felt knowing what was going to happen next. For Keki had returned, the memory Jennifer immediately concerned about her behavior.

"She doesn't want us to go on," Anna said.

"We must go, we must go now," Severus ordered Jennifer. But Jennifer wasn't heeding him, waving her hand to try to shush him so she could hear.

It was then that the wraith came; the same, Jennifer was sure, that she had seen before, but much larger… and as Keki charged it to protect memory Jennifer and her friends, the wraith washed over her like she was not an obstacle at all; turning greyer and greyer while Jennifer found herself watching in stunned horror. Numbly the four cast spells to keep the wraith at bay, but to the Jennifer watching, it suddenly didn't seem important whether they made it or not, even as a strange wave of light funneled into it with enormous dark power. All that was important, truly, was the fallen form of the Unicorn at memory Jennifer's feet. Suddenly both Jennifers burst into tears while both Severuses found themselves watching, helpless to do anything about it.

Jennifer felt herself pulled into his arms, too upset to continue anymore, but was crying so hard that she wasn't quite sure when she found herself back in the bedroom, still being kissed and held tightly by Severus who was saying something to her but whatever it was went unheard.

"I can't believe it, I can't believe she's gone," Jennifer murmured at last, causing Severus to hold her even tighter. "The hole inside me has grown now. I don't understand it! I've felt her so strongly before! In my dreams… in my nightmares in the apartment, I saw her, I know it now, her spirit was there… and now it's so unreal to me."

"A part of you died that day," Severus whispered. "A part that I could never have, and once envied as well. I've always known that."

"And now it haunts me like all of these… why have so many gone to such lengths to hurt me?" Jennifer demanded, glancing at the Pensieve. "God, Severus, I'm barely halfway through them. Are they all like this? All such horrible memories?"

"No," Severus said firmly. "You used the Pensieve to store the worst of times yes, but do not use those short moments in time to judge your life!"

"They are all I've got!" Jennifer snapped back.

"They are not worth having! If I had known they were in here, I never would have allowed you to find it!" Severus said angrily.

"Then you would have been wrong! Didn't you say yourself they're my memories and mine alone? It's not your place to decide if they're worth it! Because right now not only is there comfort in the idea that I did store some memory, there is also comfort in knowing that with these the worst possible is known to me. And I'm taking them," Jennifer said, turning around before he could stop her and grabbing the end with her wand, drawing the strand in, her name echoing in her head as Severus called it out. But as the memories raced faster and faster passed her, her head began to scream in pain until finally she blacked out, nothing left to remember.