Chapter 20

Author's Note 1: Reviews have grown sparse. Are you guys still with me??? If you still like it and want more let me know.

Author's Note 2 : Minor spoilers for season 7 'Fragile Balance'. It's just one little sentence.

Author's Note 3 : Warning!!! Very emotional chapter!!

After Sam tucked Brady back in bed, she sat back down on the couch next to Jack.

-After what Brady just said, how can you not love that little boy?

Jack sighed.

-Ok. I admit he's a cute kid. A bright kid. But that's the problem.

Sam looked at him quizzically. He sighed again.

-The problem, contrary to common belief, is not that he's Laira's son. When I look at him I don't see Laira…I see me. He's my son and that's what I can't handle.

Sam sat patiently, silently urging him to continue, not understanding. Jack opened his mouth to continue speaking and his voice choked up. A lone tear fell from his eye.

-He looks so much like Char…so muck like Charlie did at that age. And when he walked in here tonight, wearing that little baseball cap…I thought for a moment he was Charlie…I thought, I hoped, that somehow…he had come back to me. For a moment I thought I had dreamed the last 10 years and he was still alive.

Tears streamed down his face that he could not control.

-As many years that have passed, as many times as I try to put it behind me, I…I can't. I can't get over him, over what happened, and I don't think I ever will. That's why I can't stand to look at Brady, to be around him. He reminds me so much of Charlie and…I don't think I could handle looking in his eyes everyday. I can't take care of him. I know I should, I know he needs me and maybe I need him, but I just can't. Do you understand now?

Sam nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. She had never heard Jack speak so frankly, so from the heart. Had never known the pain he had been going through. On the surface Jack seemed like a cut and dried, cynical Air Force colonel, whose only desires were to kill bad guys, be disrespectful to his superiors and scare lowly lieutenants. But he wasn't like that at all. Sure, he like killing bad guys as much as the next guy, and occasionally he could be disrespectful to a general or senator. And who doesn't enjoy toying with a lieutenant now and then? But, there was more to him than that. He cared deeply about his team, his job and his country and he would do anything to protect them. He loved deeply and to see someone he cared for in pain cut him to the core. And that was why she loved him.

Jack sniffed away his tears and tried to recover what was left of his masculine pride.

-I can't believe I'm crying over a silly thing like this.

-It's not silly.

-No, it's not. Look, Sam, I know you like Brady…

-I want to adopt him.

-What?! Uh, wow. I guess I didn't quite expect that.

-Why not? Today, being with him…it was like being with a mini you.

Jack rolled his eyes, thinking of the incident a few years ago where he was cloned.

Sam smiled, knowing what he was thinking.

-I don't mean like that. I mean, he reminds me of you and it's like…he's a small part of you that I can have. That I can love…

Jack took a deep breath and moved a couple inches farther away from Sam. Emotions were running high right now and he didn't want to do something he would regret later.

-But remember what happened with Cassie?

Sam nodded. They hadn't let her adopt Cassandra.

-I know. I'll think of something. I can't, I won't let him go.

Jack nodded, relieved.

-Ok, I can live with that.

Suddenly Sam yawned and she knew that her day had finally caught up with her. Jack smiled.

-You gonna be ok here on the couch?

She nodded sleepily.

-Ok then. I'll see you in the morning.

She nodded. Jack turned towards his bedroom, then turned back and quickly planted a kiss on Sam's forehead. Then he walked away and was gone, leaving Sam to dream sweet and happy dreams.