Thirty-Three
Lures
"Aurelius!"
Jennifer sat straight up in bed immediately awake, hearing a quick knock on the door before Severus peered in concernedly, glancing at her only a moment before coming nearer, opening the window just above her.
"Nightmare?" Severus asked.
"I was walking in the forest," Jennifer murmured. "The very one behind this castle, I'm sure of it, because I remember going in."
"With Aurelius?" Severus asked.
"No, I was alone," Jennifer said with certainty as Severus sat down on the edge of the bed. "I was going in for a reason, but I don't know what. I think it was to follow the ghost."
"Ghost?" Severus asked curiously.
"Yes, Keki's ghost," Jennifer said. "I've seen it before in nearly ever dream I've had involving the forest, actually… if she wasn't in it alive, her ghost is always there. Anyhow, I was following her for a while when I saw Aurelius. He just stood there for a moment, and then suddenly he just… took off. I tried to follow him, but then I got lost, every direction looked all alike and everything turned dark, I couldn't even see the sky or the trees at all, just blackness. And then I saw the ghost for a moment, looking at me as if waiting for me to do something, but I didn't know what. I just stared at her for the longest time until finally she walked a few steps and turned into mist. Then I realized that I'd forgotten all about Aurelius being in there too. I felt so guilty, really, forgetting he was out there, perhaps in danger, and yet I was stuck, so I started shouting, hoping he'd find me. Severus, does Keki have a ghost?"
"No, at least not except the one within you," Severus said slowly. "Unicorns are too pure and too guiltless to become ghosts." Jennifer laid back slowly with a sigh.
"I felt so terrible not remembering that he was in danger that for a moment I thought I had lost everything that was important to me. Is that how I'm going to feel if I do get my memories back?" she asked softly.
"It isn't your fault, Jennifer. And whether you realize it or not, the incident that part of you dealt with in that dream wasn't your fault either," he said quietly. Jennifer shook her head slightly, not understanding. "You see, for a brief time during the battle after the Azkaban Revolt, you for all intents and purposes became a part of Keki. To do so meant that every part of you that was impure or attached to anyone else had to be abandoned during the connection, completely separate from your bond with her. While this was going on, the situation rather inadvertently and unintentionally brought danger to someone who you were… well, beginning to feel a connection to," he said, smirking slightly.
"You?"
"Yes, well, I had been keeping tabs on Voldemort for Dumbledore and ended up taking the brunt of his wrath when he was defeated. Strangely enough, at the time I was being punished I found myself thinking of you," he said quietly. "All the while, I kept thinking of what you had gone through because of me already, and that for your sake I couldn't allow it to destroy me. I knew you'd be kicking yourself afterwards, just as I had when Voldemort did it to you, and I would be damned if you woke up to find me a corpse. I suppose that's when I realized that you did actually care about me the way I had grown to feel about you. Before that I passed it off as merely some crush that you would eventually get over."
"A crush? You make me sound like I was an infatuated school girl," Jennifer chuckled at him.
"Five years younger and you would have been," Severus agreed dryly. "Not that age matters much anymore, although in some ways you're just as naïve as you were then."
"What? Because of my losing my memories?"
"Partially, although I can safely say that even when you had your memories your still had that annoyingly persistent innocence about you. Five children and fifteen years at Hogwarts and still in some ways you see the world through rose colored glasses," Severus murmured, getting lost in her green eyes.
"Perhaps that's true," Jennifer said thoughtfully, "But if it is, it's because you wanted it kept that way. I bet you've spent a large portion of your time over the years straightening, polishing and shielding those glasses to make sure they didn't get broken, afraid that I'd just end up turning into another bitter old school marm or something. You've probably pulled out every pedestal, sheltered every rainstorm before it hit and covered both my eyes whenever necessary, and I bet with me fighting every moment of it. Admit it, Professor, despite all those horrible times I do remember now… perhaps even because of them... you have gone out of your way to make sure that there's always some semblance of the girl you fell in love with in the woman that you've loved ever since," she challenged him. Severus was struck speechless, merely blinking at her in response. "Isn't that one of the reasons you wouldn't stay with me now if I asked, afraid what it might blemish if I do get my memories back? I mean, I don't think it's because you've lost interest in me, although I'm not sure that you would tell me if I was wrong. Are you still interested in me, Severus?"
"Then again," Severus said, quickly standing up. "Perhaps you aren't as naïve now as you used to be after all. Not quite as subtle either. Try a smaller hook next time," he suggested with a thin smile as he hurried towards the door. "Good night. Leave the window open, it may help keep the nightmares away," he suggested as he shut the door behind him. Smiling softly, Jennifer bundled back up in the blankets, the cold air from the window lulling her to sleep.
It became even colder as the week wore on and February dawned in a nasty ice storm. Trees were weighed down with icicles, and as the sun peeked into view, the students were treated to a glistening crystal wonderland. Between classes, many of the boys took turns sliding through the courtyard, trying to impress some of the girls who merely rolled their eyes and commented on how juvenile they all were.
But Andrew and Halbert were too busy for all that, for right after dinner they spent their time helping Sagittari de-ice the barn roof so it wouldn't cave in and to conjure up ashes to blanket the inside of the pens with. Back at the Greenhouses, Rose, Mandria, and Alex were busy as well as Professor Sprout fussed over the saplings and then walked to see what sort of damage was done to the Willow, several of its weaker limbs giving under the pressure.
"What a nasty storm!" Alex declared when she met up with her brothers in the Great Hall. Andrew agreed as he and Halbert grabbed a snack, while Aurelius was sitting to the other side of them, looking with disinterest at his History book. "It's times like these when it feels like winter will never end!"
"Cheer up, sis, only six more weeks to go," Andrew reminded her, getting out some paper. "You want me to ask Alicia to draw you a nice painting of flowers in the countryside?"
"Oh, no, I'd be much too tempted to get her to take us there," Alex said.
"Count me in," Mandria agreed, gratefully reaching for a pot of hot chocolate that had appeared on the tables in front of them.
"Sagittari says that if the weather stays like this, he'll probably cancel bridle club for a week or two," Andrew said.
"What?" Aurelius said. "But they need exercise, the weather doesn't change that," he complained.
"Not all of the students are yet as skilled as we are on mounts, Rel. Not for these sort of conditions. What if they were to lose their footing?" Andrew said. "We'll just have to walk them is all. This ice cover is terrible, it's not something any beast should be out in."
"Well, since we're stuck here, we could actually use the time to get caught up on our homework," Mandria suggested. "I swear I've been staying up late every night to get it done."
"Wait until you're in fifth year," Rose sighed. "Push push push. OWLS, OWLS, OWLS. Doesn't matter if you're going to be continuing on in a particular subject or not, the Professors expect us to pass them all. I only really need to pass Potions and get high marks in Herbology."
"So you're really going to be a Herbologist?" Andrew asked.
"What else would she be? She's the only student in school who has a tree following her around," Aurelius said eyeing the Elf Willow, which was standing at the end of the table pretending to be nothing but a part of the décor. Of course, none of the students now bought it for a moment, veering well around it, making sure to give enough berth for its excellent range.
"Have any of you thought about what you want to be yet?" Rose asked.
"I could live with being a taste tester for Honeydukes," Andrew said, earning several chuckles as he nibbled on a chocolate biscuit.
"I haven't decided if I want to be a writer or a politician or an actress," Alex said thoughtfully.
"All the same thing these days, really," Mandria chuckled.
"But what I'd really like to do is work with Muggles. Maybe I'll get a job in Muggle London in a regular Muggle job, although I'm not sure what I'm qualified for," Alex mused.
"Well you won't be applying to be a mime, will you?" Aurelius said with annoyance. "What sort of job are you going to get when you can't keep quiet longer than two minutes outside of a classroom? And not only that, explain how you could possibly function in the Muggle world when at any instant someone might say something in a foreign language you don't know you're speaking and you get yourself listed as some sort of freak or something?"
"A translator! That's it, Aurelius, you're brilliant! It's the perfect job for me, and the best part is I don't need any OWLS to do it, do I?" Alex said smugly.
"Yes, assuming you let them get a word in edgewise for you to translate," Aurelius said, getting up. "I need to go feed Achilles. Night, all." Alex and Andrew watched him go thoughtfully, before Andrew turned back to his letter.
"What do you suppose is eating him this time?" Alex mused.
"Maybe he's just sore that he can't go riding," Andrew shrugged.
"You know, I have to admit this, but your brother was actually one of the last people I expected to get involved in the Bridle Club. He doesn't really seem the type that'd be into that sort of thing," Mandria said.
"He also doesn't seem to be the type who'd get himself in a position that'd make him be that type," Halbert grunted, Andrew jabbing him lightly with his elbow while the rest looked slightly bewildered. "Never mind. It lost something in the translation," he muttered.
"Really? Say it in French then, maybe I can start practicing now," Alex put in, getting a dirty look for the suggestion.
But Aurelius had other things on his mind as he went down to his dorm. Hephaestus was at the table studying for their history exam, while Stock seemed to be composing a letter.
"Oh, good you're here," Stock said, "I was just about to read Heph my letter to my mother," he said, Heph rolling his eyes behind his back.
"Not another one," Aurelius sighed, opening up his trunk and pulling his sleepy snake out.
"'Dear Mum and Dad, how are you? It is as cold as hell here, but I am in good health. Hope you're enjoying your winter abroad and keeping yourselves from spending as much of my money as possible. In reference to your recent appeal against my appeal against the judgment in your favor, I think it's damned indecent of you, and you are only trying to stall because someone, not naming any names at all, probably bought off the first judge. Fortunately, your attempts at having my counselor reassigned came to naught so this case isn't over yet, but I think you'd give your own son a break and drop the last appeal since it'll only cause another courtroom circus. Anyhow, see you in a few months. Love, George. P.S. Remember that if the appeal goes my way that every coin you spend has to be paid back to me, so let's not go crazy on your expense accounts.' There, what do you think?"
"Love, George? See you in a few months?" Aurelius said dubiously.
"Well, since I still have to live with them because of that stupid court order, I need to be a little diplomatic," Stock explained, folding it.
"Do you know what I think?" Heph said expressionlessly. "I think you should let your counselor write your personal letters."
"Not a bad idea, it has merit," Stock said, Heph rolling his eyes again. "It'd save me some time, definitely, since they both get in a snit if I don't write every now and then." Heph glanced over to see what Aurelius' reaction was, but Aurelius was busy putting on his cloak.
"Are you going somewhere?"
"I'm going to go check on Pali," Aurelius said.
"What? In this weather, are you mad?" Heph said.
"Yes, and Pali has to live out in it. Cover for me, will you? I'll try not to be long," Aurelius said.
"Oh, no. I'm not insane enough to let you go out in this sort of weather alone, even if you do really have a Unicorn out there," Heph said getting up and grabbing his shoes.
"I'm not going alone. Achilles is with me."
"And what's he going to do? Hardly weather for snakes either, you know. We're going," Heph said stubbornly. Stock looked up in surprise.
"We? When did I volunteer? I'm not going out there," he protested but ended up with a coat in his face.
"It's not a debate," Heph said. "But we'd better hurry if we're going to slip back in before final curfew."
Aurelius nodded reluctantly. He didn't really want them along, best friends or not; he had always considered the matter between Pali and himself private. Would Pali even come near if they were with him? Still, even a glimpse would be better than nothing, he decided. All he really wanted to do was make sure he was all right, and Aurelius did see the sense in Heph not wanting him to go out there alone. So quietly the three of them slipped out and into the secret passages and out near the lake cavern, pausing long enough to charm their boots against slipping on the ice before following the shadows towards the forest.
Jennifer slipped into Severus' office with a large tome in hand, placing it on his desk before tending to the fire.
"Thank you. This has got to be the one I was looking for," Severus said with a scowl, pushing the rest of the books aside before pouring into the one in front of him. "They keep adding and adding on to what they have to know on these insane aptitude tests. At this rate, in ten years they'll be preparing for them starting in second or third year and be taught nothing else until they're over."
"I wonder if the students realize that the staff hates those tests as much as they do," Jennifer grinned. "Who comes up with those silly tests anyhow?"
"British board based on the European board which compares their test with everyone else's, so if one fool wizard halfway across the globe thinks the students should know a particular thing by fifth year they all feel compelled to add it so they don't get some stupid media report that they're 'inadequate' compared to everyone else," Severus grumbled. "They never throw out anything either regardless of how out of date it is, they merely add on. This on top of pressuring us to expand curriculum of subjects not even covered it's no wonder that the majority of students are basket cases before their seventh year. This entire system needs serious revision." Jennifer smiled sympathetically at him and went over to him, gently kneading his bunched up shoulders.
"Then why don't you revise it?" Jennifer suggested.
"Me? Jennifer, I appreciate your faith in me, but I don't qualify to revise the entire OWLS and NEWT systems."
"Then just do the Defense part. Get some of the other teacher's involved in some of the other subjects. I'm sure they're going through the same thing you are on this. Why sit here frustrated over something you don't feel you can control, Severus? Do something about it!" she said, rubbing his back almost coaxingly.
"What you're talking about, Jennifer, is hours of hard work and research which will be just thrown out the moment that it reaches the board table," Severus sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.
"You don't know that," Jennifer said gently. "After all, you said yourself Hogwarts is the most famous and most respected school in the world."
"Not because of my efforts, I assure you."
"Perhaps you could mention it to Albus and see what he thinks," Jennifer said.
"No," Severus said, reaching back to adjust her hands a bit. "Would you mind not getting so close to my neck? I don't like having it touched, thank you. Arms about are all right, just please, don't touch it."
"Why not?" Jennifer asked puzzledly.
"Just a hang up of mine, we all have them," Severus murmured, "but thank you, I'm feeling better now."
"But you're still so tense. And I can't imagine anyone being married for as long as we have and not having ever given you one neck massage," she complained.
"No, and not now either," Severus said.
"Well you'll just have to tell me the real reason why then, because memories or not I can't possibly spend the rest of my life with you avoiding something and not having a clue as to why," Jennifer said. "Does it have something to do with you not liking your neck uncovered?"
"You're not going to let this go, are you?"
"No," Jennifer grinned, moving around to face him. "Why, did I used to?"
"Yes, actually, on occasion, although granted not as much in recent years. You did respect my privacy to some extent."
"If you wanted privacy, you should have never gotten married," Jennifer said, ignoring his look of protest as she turned down his collar. She gazed at the scars expressionlessly for a long time before looking back up at him. "There, that's no so bad, is it?" she said softly. "Does it hurt?"
"Only to think of it," Severus admitted slowly. "Once as an act of revenge I agreed to kill a man and sold my soul to darkness to do so. My hatred, however, was merely a tool that Voldemort used to get to me, and when I failed, his punishment was to use me to seal an alliance he had made with a pack of Black Forest vampires. In some ways the entire incident made me hate the person I had sought revenge against even more. In fact, I still don't like him," he added.
"It was Sirius, wasn't it?" Jennifer asked softly as Severus nodded to her, putting a hand on his neck as if trying to cover it.
"I could have had them removed, of course, but I kept them to remind myself of how close I had come to turning, and how close my quest for revenge came to destroying me," he murmured.
"Oh, Severus," Jennifer sighed, gently drawing his hand back away and gazing into his eyes, shaking her head. "It may have been your intent for it to be a reminder, but that's not what it has become. Memories are to cherish and to learn from, even the worst of them. But they're not there to give you ammunition to torture yourself with. You know what revenge can do. In fact, you told me that we changed our family motto to reflect that. You know how evil can lure someone in, and you have gone to many lengths to help others from falling into it. But this? This I won't let you do. I won't let you torture yourself with the past. You are who you are because of your past, and if there's one thing I've learned from all of this, it's that we're all better off with memories than without them. Now keep your hands down, because I'm going to help you whether you want me to or not," Jennifer told him, going back around and gently began to knead his shoulders again, working her way closer to his neck until she gently began to rub it, feeling him bunch up again. "Don't think about it," she whispered softly in his ear. "You lived through it once already and you don't have to relive something to respect it. Live for the present, where right now you are merely taking a moment away from your work so that the woman you love can help you relax."
Severus let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate solely on not tensing up when she touched his neck. Little by little he began to relax, the discomfort replaced by a warm tingle, and he grew ever more aware of the loving gentleness of her touch. Then almost abruptly the caress stopped, and Severus nearly leapt out of his seat when he felt it replaced by soft kisses.
The feeling was followed by a sudden stomach drop that had nothing to do with fear as a different sort of discomfort began to settle in. What a fool he had been, he realized, to have let it still haunt him after all those years… his decisions back then had still been following him like a dark shadow, threatening to appear at any moment… a part of himself he had no control over. What strange events had occurred to make Jennifer challenge them! She had always shied away before; afraid of hurting him, afraid of stepping past the wall that he had thrown up between them, perhaps afraid of rejection if she tried. And yet now here she was, her courage only a reflection of her love for him, with no preconceived notions to clutter her thinking or make her act in any other way other than who she truly was. And when she finally stopped and wrapped her arms around him, it did truly seem that nothing else mattered in that moment except how near she was to him.
"There that wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked lovingly, then slipped away when he didn't answer so that she could sit on the desk to face him. He opened his eyes to see her looking at him with concern, noting the sweat developing on his forehead. "Are you terribly angry with me?"
As she moved a hand to straighten his collar, Severus suddenly came to life, grabbing her hand and kissing her wrist and then her palm, knowing full well how quickly Jennifer would melt. It was without a doubt Jennifer he was drawing into his arms, and in some ways a woman who was more Jennifer now that she ever had allowed herself to be before, accepting his kiss with surprise but a passion to match his own. There was no fight this time, only desperate surrender, so overwhelming that it was Jennifer who finally broke off the kiss, intent on reading his face. Nothing was hidden from her now, and yet she barely believed what she was seeing.
"Don't pull away, Jennifer," Severus whispered. "Don't pull away when your victory is assured. I will not deny us now, I don't think I could if I wanted to."
"I wasn't really trying… I mean, I was merely just trying to help you," Jennifer whispered back, closing her eyes as he kissed her cheek and neck.
"Yes, I know, which is probably why I couldn't resist. You disarmed me before I even thought of defending myself. And you are right about living for the present, although I'm quite in favor of turning this moment into a memory we'll both cherish forever," he murmured, kissing her again.
"Here?" she asked as his hand moved behind her.
"Why not? We've done it before," Severus said wickedly, backing her into the desk.
"Oh really, anywhere else I should know about?" Jennifer asked flirtatiously before following the edge of his collar down to the next button and unbuttoning it.
"The parapets, under the castle… perhaps a few places in between," he growled softly.
"I'm not even going to ask how we pulled that off," Jennifer chuckled, kissing his chin.
"No, please don't ask, it'd be much more interesting to just show you," he said drawing her into another passionate kiss.
There was a knock on the door, loud and insistent.
Severus immediately broke away from the kiss to glare at it, wondering who had the audacity to put a door in the room. Jennifer leaned against him, only hearing the sound of his heart pounding. They were both holding their breaths, she realized, as the knock came persistently back.
"Why me?" Severus asked with a sigh.
"Maybe they'll go away," Jennifer suggested.
"No, it's too late to be a student, and staff wouldn't be bothering us unless it were important," Severus said wrenching himself away and quickly made an attempt at straightening his robe and buttoning his collar, glancing back at Jennifer who had quickly gotten herself back into some order and threw a few books back on the hastily cleared desk just before he opened the door.
"Oh, good, you're both here," Minerva said looking quickly between them. "Oh… I do apologize, but it's about Aurelius. He, Mr. Grey and Mr. Stockton weren't in their room at curfew. I caught Xavier in the hall after he went to look for them."
Severus quickly scrambled for his cloak and got out his watch, rolling his eyes and then letting out an exasperated sigh.
"Apparently for some unknown God forsaken reason they've gone on another Dark Forest excursion," Severus snarled. "We'll go after them," he said, glancing at Jennifer who was already getting her cloak on.
"Do be careful. Goodness, I hope they're all right," Minerva said.
"Even if they are, they won't be when I get a hold of them," Severus grumbled, leading them out of the room.