Disclaimer: I still do not own any of Harry Potter or any of J.K. Rowling's works. But I found out my great-grandfather wrote a book so I kinda own something... Like a shiny penny or maybe even a quarter...
New Disclaimer: Not only do I not own Harry Potter, but it has been recently brought to my attention that Hans the Pool Boy is not mine either. Hans the Pool Boy belongs to Jade Saunders who is not nearly as funny or talented as myself but I feel, as my duty as a noteworthy author, that I should give her full credit for Hans the Pool Boy and all her other not-as- good-as-mine works. There, I did it. That makes me a good person, right?
Chapter 2: Ron and Hermione meet Hans the Pool Boy
I, the author, can tell you Quidditch practice did not go very well at all. It may be due to that fact the non-existent school administrators decided that it was far too dangerous for students to play an air-borne sport on flimsy sticks of wood while attempting to catch and throw various sized balls and mad people trying to knock each other off the whole time. So, it was decided by these administrators to restrict the players to play no more than six inches off the ground, two inches if it was raining and maybe seven if a hobbit was in the crowd of spectators. It is very difficult to play Quidditch while you're practically lying on the ground. It ended you that most of the team had grass and dirt stains all over the bottom half of their bodies, except for Colin, who was recently accepted as official team photographer and agent. But the only gig he had gotten the team was a night at the Hogs Head which resulted in half the team leaving the pub purplish-orange.
Ron, quite green and brown at this point, steered his broom towards Harry at the end of the pitch. He slowed as he approached him, his very long legs dragging behind him. Harry took notice of him when he stopped right next to him.
Harry winced at the now dirty but just cleaned Quidditch robes Ron was wearing. "Are you leaving now?"
Ron, still looking uncomfortable, nodded, "Yeah, I'll see you later."
Ron hopped off his broom and began to stagger away. Harry stopped him. "Does this have anything to do with the little 'outing' Hermione was talking to Ginny about earlier?"
Ron looked shocked then he laughed. "No, you silly little boy! Of course not! Well, okay, yeah, it does." Harry didn't looked at all surprised, "What're you two gonna do?" he inquired.
"We're going to Smoothie King."
"Very romantic" Harry responded.
"You have no idea."
INTERMISSION
Ron has just told Harry he loved him when Harry decided to go to the Dark Side. And he has just found out Voldemort is his Daddy.
Harry: Daddy!
Voldie: I'll take you home right away, Har-Har.
Harry: Har-Har?!
Voldie: It's my pet name for my new son.
Harry: Dad, you're embarrassing me...
Voldie: Well, sorry for being your father!
Harry: Well, sorry you're a BAD father!
Voldie: A bad father...?
Harry: You're a horrible father, you don't really love me! You just want to use me for your evil ways!
Voldie: Dat's not true! Dat impossible!
Harry: Oh, stop acting like a child. Hey, dad? Can we stop with the telepathy thing? It' really giving me a headache...
Voldie: Like father, like son.
Harry takes out a call phone.
Harry: Can you hear me now?
Voldemort takes out cell phone.
Harry: Good
END OF INTERMISSION
Ron and Hermione enter the Smoothie King in a suburban mall. Well, they don't really enter it, as it is a kiosk in the middle of the mall so they really just walk up to it.
Ron looks at Hermione-lovingly, "What do you want, my sweet?"
Hermione looks at Ron with disgust, "Don't call me 'sweet.' That's what you call sugar or candy but I'm definitely not either one of those."
"Or ice cream" Ron pipes in.
Hermione glares at Ron, but decides to order her smoothie. She looks down from the smoothie menu and finds her self looking at none other that Hans, the pool boy.
"Hans the pool boy?" Hermione inquires.
"Hairmionee! Eet iz so vonderful to see you!"
Just for your reference, Hans the pool boy is from Austria and once had an affair with a short married woman name Molly while her husband, Charlie, was having an affair with a 20 year-old British girl name Ella and they all live in the same house in Potomac (MARYLAND).
"Hans the pool boy! Are you not a pool boy anymore?"
Hans the pool boy looks hurt. "Of courze I em steel Hanz the pool boy! I vill never leave mai title of zat!"
Hermione remembers Ron. "Hans the pool boy, this is Ron Weasley. He goes to school with me. Ron, this is Hans the pool boy. He's a pool boy/Smoothie King cashier."
"And how do you two know each other?" Ron questions while looking at Hans the pool boy accusingly.
"It all happened a few years ago, in southern France..."
FLASHBACK
Hermione stepped out of the dressing/bathroom into the bright French sunlight. I guess sunlight can't actually be French, or Japanese for that matter, but she's in France and in the sunlight, so THERE.
She looked rather good for a fictional character in her Land's End tankini and five buck Old Navy flip-flops and a Tommy Hilfiger towel draped over her forearm. She was also wearing JLo line sunglasses and her hair was in the popular "messy bun." Walking as if she were on a runway with her flip- flops flip-flopping and her hair casually blowing in the light breeze she tripped over a hose and got a bloody nose on the hard, very shock resistant ground.
The next thing she knew, a strong Austrian arm was helping her up and putting a wet cloth to her nose. "Are you being alright?" The owner of the Austrian arm inquired.
"I tink tho." Hermione wimpered through her bloody nose. "Ith twingeths a bith."
"Ah, everyone trips over zat hose." Hans told her in an attempt to make her fell better.
"Why dun you justh move ith?" "Ah, okay, nose better. I will be going now." Hans replied hurriedly and her ran over to the children's pool and dove in and severely hurt his brain, but he is Hans the pool boy and it doesn't matter how dumb he is, he's HOT.
After several weeks of coffee outings, instant messaging, detentions and underwater "sessions," Hermione had to leave France and Hans the Pool Boy to head back to Hogwarts for the start of term.
END OF FLASHBACK
"So, that's it?" Ron brought Hermione and Hans the Pool Boy back to reality. "You two met in France at a pool, messed around for several weeks and left?"
Hans the Pool Boy and Hermione glance at each other and shrug, "Yeah, pretty much."
Ron ponders this response, "Well, in that case, I'll have the orange/banana smoothie with a hint of pineapple, but not too much, I'm slightly allergic."
Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts where Gryffindor Quidditch practice was just ending, Harry stared in shock/awe/wonder at the entirely different changing rooms.
New Disclaimer: Not only do I not own Harry Potter, but it has been recently brought to my attention that Hans the Pool Boy is not mine either. Hans the Pool Boy belongs to Jade Saunders who is not nearly as funny or talented as myself but I feel, as my duty as a noteworthy author, that I should give her full credit for Hans the Pool Boy and all her other not-as- good-as-mine works. There, I did it. That makes me a good person, right?
Chapter 2: Ron and Hermione meet Hans the Pool Boy
I, the author, can tell you Quidditch practice did not go very well at all. It may be due to that fact the non-existent school administrators decided that it was far too dangerous for students to play an air-borne sport on flimsy sticks of wood while attempting to catch and throw various sized balls and mad people trying to knock each other off the whole time. So, it was decided by these administrators to restrict the players to play no more than six inches off the ground, two inches if it was raining and maybe seven if a hobbit was in the crowd of spectators. It is very difficult to play Quidditch while you're practically lying on the ground. It ended you that most of the team had grass and dirt stains all over the bottom half of their bodies, except for Colin, who was recently accepted as official team photographer and agent. But the only gig he had gotten the team was a night at the Hogs Head which resulted in half the team leaving the pub purplish-orange.
Ron, quite green and brown at this point, steered his broom towards Harry at the end of the pitch. He slowed as he approached him, his very long legs dragging behind him. Harry took notice of him when he stopped right next to him.
Harry winced at the now dirty but just cleaned Quidditch robes Ron was wearing. "Are you leaving now?"
Ron, still looking uncomfortable, nodded, "Yeah, I'll see you later."
Ron hopped off his broom and began to stagger away. Harry stopped him. "Does this have anything to do with the little 'outing' Hermione was talking to Ginny about earlier?"
Ron looked shocked then he laughed. "No, you silly little boy! Of course not! Well, okay, yeah, it does." Harry didn't looked at all surprised, "What're you two gonna do?" he inquired.
"We're going to Smoothie King."
"Very romantic" Harry responded.
"You have no idea."
INTERMISSION
Ron has just told Harry he loved him when Harry decided to go to the Dark Side. And he has just found out Voldemort is his Daddy.
Harry: Daddy!
Voldie: I'll take you home right away, Har-Har.
Harry: Har-Har?!
Voldie: It's my pet name for my new son.
Harry: Dad, you're embarrassing me...
Voldie: Well, sorry for being your father!
Harry: Well, sorry you're a BAD father!
Voldie: A bad father...?
Harry: You're a horrible father, you don't really love me! You just want to use me for your evil ways!
Voldie: Dat's not true! Dat impossible!
Harry: Oh, stop acting like a child. Hey, dad? Can we stop with the telepathy thing? It' really giving me a headache...
Voldie: Like father, like son.
Harry takes out a call phone.
Harry: Can you hear me now?
Voldemort takes out cell phone.
Harry: Good
END OF INTERMISSION
Ron and Hermione enter the Smoothie King in a suburban mall. Well, they don't really enter it, as it is a kiosk in the middle of the mall so they really just walk up to it.
Ron looks at Hermione-lovingly, "What do you want, my sweet?"
Hermione looks at Ron with disgust, "Don't call me 'sweet.' That's what you call sugar or candy but I'm definitely not either one of those."
"Or ice cream" Ron pipes in.
Hermione glares at Ron, but decides to order her smoothie. She looks down from the smoothie menu and finds her self looking at none other that Hans, the pool boy.
"Hans the pool boy?" Hermione inquires.
"Hairmionee! Eet iz so vonderful to see you!"
Just for your reference, Hans the pool boy is from Austria and once had an affair with a short married woman name Molly while her husband, Charlie, was having an affair with a 20 year-old British girl name Ella and they all live in the same house in Potomac (MARYLAND).
"Hans the pool boy! Are you not a pool boy anymore?"
Hans the pool boy looks hurt. "Of courze I em steel Hanz the pool boy! I vill never leave mai title of zat!"
Hermione remembers Ron. "Hans the pool boy, this is Ron Weasley. He goes to school with me. Ron, this is Hans the pool boy. He's a pool boy/Smoothie King cashier."
"And how do you two know each other?" Ron questions while looking at Hans the pool boy accusingly.
"It all happened a few years ago, in southern France..."
FLASHBACK
Hermione stepped out of the dressing/bathroom into the bright French sunlight. I guess sunlight can't actually be French, or Japanese for that matter, but she's in France and in the sunlight, so THERE.
She looked rather good for a fictional character in her Land's End tankini and five buck Old Navy flip-flops and a Tommy Hilfiger towel draped over her forearm. She was also wearing JLo line sunglasses and her hair was in the popular "messy bun." Walking as if she were on a runway with her flip- flops flip-flopping and her hair casually blowing in the light breeze she tripped over a hose and got a bloody nose on the hard, very shock resistant ground.
The next thing she knew, a strong Austrian arm was helping her up and putting a wet cloth to her nose. "Are you being alright?" The owner of the Austrian arm inquired.
"I tink tho." Hermione wimpered through her bloody nose. "Ith twingeths a bith."
"Ah, everyone trips over zat hose." Hans told her in an attempt to make her fell better.
"Why dun you justh move ith?" "Ah, okay, nose better. I will be going now." Hans replied hurriedly and her ran over to the children's pool and dove in and severely hurt his brain, but he is Hans the pool boy and it doesn't matter how dumb he is, he's HOT.
After several weeks of coffee outings, instant messaging, detentions and underwater "sessions," Hermione had to leave France and Hans the Pool Boy to head back to Hogwarts for the start of term.
END OF FLASHBACK
"So, that's it?" Ron brought Hermione and Hans the Pool Boy back to reality. "You two met in France at a pool, messed around for several weeks and left?"
Hans the Pool Boy and Hermione glance at each other and shrug, "Yeah, pretty much."
Ron ponders this response, "Well, in that case, I'll have the orange/banana smoothie with a hint of pineapple, but not too much, I'm slightly allergic."
Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts where Gryffindor Quidditch practice was just ending, Harry stared in shock/awe/wonder at the entirely different changing rooms.