The Glory of Love
By Yanagi-sen
Gundam Seed songfic
Usual disclaimers apply. I didn't write the song, The Glory of Love… I remember it from the Beaches soundtrack, and I don't have any name to give credit to, but it's not mine. The beautiful boys (and a few nice girls too) of Gundam Seed don't belong to me… if they did… certain things wouldn't happen and there would be a lot more… fraternization between the enemies…
Warnings: slightly AU, shounen ai, will help if you've seen the series up to about ep 24, POV jumps around think of them as little snapshots
AN: I wrote this about a year ago, before the series was even finished in Japan (I watched it faithfully every week wondering what the heck they were saying!). Enjoy.
You've got to give a little,…
Kira carefully held Tori, watching as Athrun walked away. He felt so sad, knowing that his best friend was leaving, that this might even be the last time they saw each other for a long time. He didn't really understand what all the fuss was about, but Athrun's parents were leaving, going to PLANT. Kira's own parents had talked about moving to Heliopolis once school was done for this year. But they had been talking about that forever. This move by the Zala's was sudden and unexpected.
With a sigh, Kira turned to walk home, once Athrun was out of sight. Tori, the first successful robotic creation Athrun had made, hopped up onto his shoulder. "torii?"
He smiled at the small thing, such a precious gift… from such a precious friend. "Maybe you'll see him again someday…"
"torii…"
…take a little…
Damn that woman… Rusty was dead… he couldn't have survived that, even being a Coordinator. He watched as the person that had warned the woman jumped down from the catwalk. He couldn't get a good look at them, but they were dressed in dark clothes, probably a technician or something like that. Didn't matter… he was going to take these suits. He tried to fire at them… and swore again as his gun jammed. What a time for it not to work. He drew his knife and started to charge at the two…
The woman was down, shot through the shoulder and the other one wasn't paying attention… if he was quick enough… The smaller figure turned...
Brown hair… violet eyes… wide open in shock… then the whisper… "Athrun… Athrun Zala?"
The voice was a bit deeper, the eyes and body older but there was no mistake. He froze. "Kira?"
…And let your poor heart break a little…
Why was Kira fighting him… fighting them? He was a Coordinator, one of their own. How could he fight for THEM? Those soulless, cruel murderers, killers of civilians, of children; how could Kira fight for Naturals?
They were using him… because he was a Coordinator… because he could pilot that suit. Kira had never been a warrior, had hated fighting, he had never even defended himself against the bullies in school. Athrun had done that, had defended the smaller, gentler boy. But now… now Kira… in that suit… He was fighting. And he killed Miguel. He had to get Kira away from these… these Naturals, back with his own kind… the ones who would appreciate him for what he was. If he could only get through to the brunette…
Why was Athrun fighting? He had said he hated war, hated fighting. But he had always been willing to stand up for me, for the others at school that were weaker than him. So why was he fighting now? Why was he killing? Why did they steal these suits? They would only use them to kill more people… people like those on Heliopolis. His parents… his friends. He couldn't let Athrun hurt his friends.
...That's the story of, That's the glory of love…
Kira sat by himself. No one could really understand… he couldn't talk to the others. They didn't know about Athrun, he'd become friends with them after moving to Heliopolis. They didn't realize how hard it was for him to get into that thing and fight, knowing who was in that other suit. Knowing that he could hurt or even kill the best friend he had ever had. Tori landed on his shoulder.
"torii?" He patted the robotic bird on the head. Tori might not really understand or have feelings, but at least it was a part of Athrun. A piece of that time… a piece of memory…
Athrun lay back on his bunk. It was too quiet. Rusty's belongings had been packed up and set home. Back to his parents, a uniform and a posthumous commendation in place of a son. They hadn't even been able to retrieve the body for burial. Rusty would join the ranks of so many that had only an empty grave.
Like his mother…
He wasn't used to being by himself like this. He had already entered the military's training system by the time his mother had been killed. He'd lived in barracks and then when selected for the pilot program had a series of roommates. Once he'd been chosen by Kreuze, he had been paired up with Rusty and they had lived together for the last year or so. There were so many times he'd wished for a few moments by himself, now he had too many. He wondered if this is how Nicol always felt, the odd man out, always stuck in a single room.
He rolled over, staring across the room at the empty bed on the other side. Maybe if he'd been a little more eloquent… or a little more persistent… Kira would be over there right now.
You've got to laugh a little,…
It felt good to laugh again. Nicol had simply shown up and dragged him out of his room and morose thoughts. Somehow they'd managed to find something to laugh at. There was precious little joy in the air at that time. Isaac and Diakka had been forced to make a landing on Earth, they'd gotten caught by the planet's gravity and been unable to return. The pilot of Duel had been injured, but should recover fully and the two were going to stay planet-side for now. Kreuze had been recalled to PLANT to report on the incident and the ship was currently enroute.
Nicol was all excited, talking about the upcoming concert he was going to be playing in and asking if Athrun would come. He assured the younger pilot that he would definitely be there, barring orders to the contrary. Sometimes he really wondered why Nicol was in the military… let alone a pilot. The boy was skilled, there was no doubt of that, but he wasn't really a warrior at heart. Much like Kira…
"Athrun! If you let your face do that too much it might freeze that way… then you'll be stuck looking like Isaac for the rest of your life…" The boy's warm, brown eyes sparkled with mirth, and Athrun couldn't help but laugh. "See… that's so much better. You need to smile more, Athrun."
"I know, Nicci… I know…"
…cry a little…
He just sat in the cockpit for a long time that night. Tori hopped about the consoles and landed on his arm or leg occasionally. Why? It wasn't the shuttle's fault that it had strayed into the battle zone. So it prevented the other pilot from shooting at him… why did he have to turn on the shuttle? All those people… the children… that little girl…
He bit his lip and tried to hold back the tears with the heels of his hands. She trusted him to protect them… they all had. And he'd failed. They had only wanted to get away. They had lived on Heliopolis in peace before ZAFT had come. People caught in the middle, they'd lost their homes, their jobs, their colony… and now their lives.
And it was his fault… somehow it was always his fault. If he'd been a better fighter, quicker, smarter… if… if only…
But he just kept seeing that little girl… handing him that flower… getting on that shuttle… the shot… the explosion… the death…
…Until the clouds roll by a little…
It was a beautiful colony… all Coordinator ones were. They were able to simulate the appearance and feel of the planet so well. And yet… there were still areas of great sadness, like this place. He walked along the rows and rows of memorials. He didn't have to really search for the one he was looking for, he'd been here often enough to know where to go. He sighed and knelt, laying the flowers down.
His mother had been so kind. He remembered afternoons when Kira would come home from school with him, and his mother would meet them at the door and shoo them into the kitchen. She would insist they wash their hands, waiting on the table would be a snack, usually fruit, but sometimes a few cookies, and something to drink. They would sit and she'd ask them how the day went. When they were done she would send them out the door to play until Kira's mother called for him to head home for dinner.
She had been a gentle person, a botanist who was happy when they'd moved to PLANT and she had gone back to work. She had been focused on improving various strains of common food crops, helping them adapt to life in the colonies. That was why she had been on that colony… checking on how her newest strains were doing after being released to the farmers. That's why she was there… when the nukes came… when she died.
He stood and made his way out of the cemetery. A cemetery of empty graves. A memorial to the fallen… the reason he did what he had to do.
…That's the story of, That's the glory of love…
Nothing felt quite right to Kira. How did everything get so crazy? Now this problem with Sai… and… Frey… He really didn't know what to think about that girl. On the one hand… it was nice, to have someone there, he felt so alone lately. But… she… in some ways she scared him. There was a… look in her eyes at times that was disturbing.
Why did things have to be so difficult? He was so confused. This thing with Frey just didn't seem right. Even the… nights. He'd never been interested in girls before… and he really wasn't even now. Maybe what Touru said about him a couple years ago was right. Maybe he WASN'T interested in girls for a reason. Not that he had ever really been interested in guys… except…
He wandered through the quiet corridors. It was late… quite late, one of the techs had finally chased him out of Strike, insisting that he actually sleep in his BED for a night. He sighed. It all seemed like a very long, very bad dream… one that didn't look like it would end any time soon.
As long as there's the two of us…
He wondered why Athrun never made another Tori. After completing this one, he'd moved on to other robotic toys, like that Haro Rakusa had. From what she'd said, Athrun had made several of the spherical creations for her. But Tori was unique. Why? And why did he give it to Kira? He'd never been anywhere, except classes of course, without Tori once it was finished. But he gave it to him.
He finally stopped poking at the bird and went over to flop down on his bunk. He was lucky, as one of only two pilots on board, he had his own quarters. But at the same time… he was so isolated. He flung an arm over his eyes. Kira heard Tori fly around the room a couple times, then felt the small thing land on his pillow.
"torii?"
He sighed. "Maybe someday, Tori… Maybe someday…"
…We've got the world and all its charms…
Athrun was shocked. Kira still had Tori? He would have figured the robotic bird would have ceased functioning or been lost by now. Kira must be fixing it as things wore out or went wrong. Even so… he didn't just get rid of the thing at some point? It must have traveled with him to Heliopolis… and was now…
What did that mean? Had Kira figured out what he was trying to say all those years ago, when he himself didn't understand what it was? Still didn't totally understand in fact. And the way Rakusa spoke of Kira. She liked him obviously, but in the same way she liked Athrun. She had an open heart and mind. The affection she had for him… and now for Kira was a form of love, but not in the way most would think. They were engaged to be married, but that was something that had been arranged by their parents. Everyone in this generation was expected to produce children, one way or another, the birth rates were too low for anything else. Your personal preferences in the matter didn't count. They would do as asked. They would get married, have a family, but they didn't really love each other the way a married couple usually did. Rakusa was already in love with her work… and him…
He was in love with Kira.
…And when the world is through with us…
He woke slightly, then settled himself in the seat again, tugging the blanket up to cover his shoulders. Half awake, he watched Tori hop about the consoles before settling on his knee. They weren't happy with him when he slept in Strike's cockpit. But sometimes he was working so late and it got too hard to drag himself out and up to his room. Besides, she was there. Here… Frey couldn't pester him for things he didn't really want to give.
He wasn't sure why he even spent time with her at all. He thought maybe at first that it was just because of how weird the situation was, with Sai and all. But he wasn't really all that attracted to her. She kept him company though… all alone in that room. All alone in his life. The others didn't understand, but she seemed to. She held him when he cried and didn't demean him for it. She had lost so much too.
But sometimes… being around Frey got to be too much. There were times, when she thought he wasn't watching, that she had the oddest expression on her face. Like she was someone different. He didn't know what to make of that. He supposed she was just dealing with her grief the best she could. Like he was.
He sighed, feeling his eyelids getting heavy again. He wished sometimes he had another pilot his age to talk to. Like Athrun… his best friend. He missed him so much.
…We've got each other's arms…
He smiled. It really was a great picture, taken when their two families had made a trip together while they were on vacation from school. They had been looking through a new magazine when Kira's mom had come up to them with the camera. Kira looked so animated. He loved that trip… they both had.
Athrun's fingers trailed along the edge of the photo. He wondered why he had bothered to post it when they had moved into this apartment. After his mother died, his father decided the house they shared as a family was too large for just the two of them, and too sad. So they had gotten an apartment, it was closer to work for both of them anyways. But why had he pulled that picture out?
He supposed he'd been hoping. He had hoped that eventually Kira would follow him to PLANT. The brunette's parents likely wouldn't have come, nor been welcome since they were Naturals. So Kira could have stayed with Athrun and his father. But he didn't come. And now he was on the other side…
Athrun turned and walked away.
You've got to win a little,…
Battle… even when one didn't truly want to fight it… created such a rush. One could get high off the amount of adrenalin surging through the body. The danger… knowing that to make a mistake was death… it kept one hyper-aware, hyper-alert, looking all ways at once. And when the pilot won…
There was that rush of glee. You were better. You fought harder, longer, faster… you won.
Then, if one wasn't a psychopath or sadist… there was that realization, that to win… others were hurt. Others were killed. And yet… you won. And still, a part of you reveled in that.
…lose a little…
The flip side of course, was when you lost. If you were alive to think about it… you had to deal with the knowledge that because you weren't strong enough, or fast enough… others were hurt or killed. You might be hurt. Waking up in the medical ward… realizing that you lived… but you lost. It ate at you. All the times you didn't succeed, ate away, piece by piece… until you were insane or were forced to turn off those feelings. And thus were no longer truly human.
Thinking about those things simply hastened the process.
So you go back to training, improving… working longer and harder so those things didn't happen again. But you know, deep down that they will. You know that you will win some… and lose some… and eventually…
You might die.
But the harder thing, was to actually live.
…Yes, and always have the blues a little…
Athrun watched Nicol babble away about the concert and how wonderful it had been and how happy he was that Athrun had come. It was soothing, to just let Nicci go on. The younger pilot was such a breath of fresh air compared to most of the rest of the people they dealt with. He was so full of life… so young still.
The doe-eyed boy offered to go get some coffee and Athrun nodded. He watched the boy bounce away then turned to stare out the window. They were getting close to the planet now, the Earth nearly filling the window. How could something so peaceful looking, be the source of so much hatred and death?
"Athrun? What's going on? You seem really sad today?"
"Just a case of the blues, Nicci."
"Ah… well… we'll be down on the planet soon. I've never been to Earth before. Do you think we'll get to see anything while we're here?"
"I hope so, Nicci…" Like maybe… Kira…
...That's the story of, That's the glory of love…
Tori? Was it really Tori? Yes… there was no mistaking it. And the robotic bird had come right to him, landing on his hand like it always did before. But if Tori was here, did that mean? Then he heard him… calling for the bird. On the other side of the fence. Kira… it WAS Kira.
Athrun started to walk over to the fence, he knew the others were watching him. Kira caught sight of him and approached the fence as well. He could tell the brunette had noted the presence of the others. Athrun caught himself before he frowned. Kira looked thin. Thin and tired and a bit worn around the edges. The weight of what he was being forced to do and endure was showing.
Tori hopped through the fence into Kira's hands. The sight took Athrun back to when they had said good bye… when he'd given Tori to Kira…
Where did Tori go? Of all the times for that little thing to take off. It was acting strange, it didn't usually do things like this. Maybe something was wrong with it, he should check the robot out when he got it back. Coming around the building, he spied a group of workers on the other side of the fence. Maybe one of them had seen Tori.
One broke away from the others and started to walk toward the fence. He had dark hair and… Athrun? It was… it was Athrun! But what was he doing here? And the others… where they also ZAFT? He walked right up to the fence. For a long moment, they just looked at each other.
Tori seemed pleased with itself. Sometimes Kira wondered how much the little thing really understood. They only exchanged a few words, mindful of their audience. Then Athrun started to walk away…
"It's a precious gift… from a precious friend…" He thought he saw the dark-haired boy smile slightly. Kira hoped he understood everything he couldn't say.
…That's the story of, That's the glory of love.
TBC…
I know they didn't get around to anything interesting… but we'll get there… eventually…