Mr. Jones and Me
A TMNT Song-fic by Turkituck
[Disclaimer: This is my first ever song-fic, so be kind Raphael and Casey Jones are property of Mirage Studios. The song, "Mr. Jones" is © Counting Crows. Everything is used w/o permission, but I'm not making any money off of this so it's all perfectly legal.]
Nearing closing time. Case and I are pub crawlin' again. Lotsa' places close after midnight, but here in the City, plenty more open up when the drunks like us are kicked outta' our hide-aways. Case is on the way to getting rowdy. He's got these stages to his drinkin'. First few beers get him in a good mood, the next ones get him all suave, and flirty with the girls, it's the last stage when he starts brawlin' and the fun really starts.
Right now we got a few girls looking over at us. They've got the beer goggles on pretty tight and don't seem to notice that I'm not exactly the right color for anything resembling a human. There's a blonde and a Hispanic girl together and they're headin' over to us.
I was down at the New Amsterdam staring at this yellow-haired girl
Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation with this black- haired flamenco dancer
They start talkin' to us. They're almost as drunk as the Case-man, but they look a hell of a lot better and have better flirting techniques. Blondie says her name is Heidi and dares me to laugh. I smile and say something about how my brother loves her book. The Hispanic girl introduces herself to Case, but I don't catch it. I don't hear half of what Heidi is saying. She's got my eye's attention, but my brain is too fuzzy to really do anything else except smile and nod. Someone hits the juke and a Counting Crows song comes on. The Hispanic girl jumps up and starts dancing.
She dances while his father plays guitar
She's suddenly beautiful
We all want something beautiful
I wish I was beautiful
She moves like she does this for a livin'. Heidi says how Maria is an exotic dancer at one of the clubs downtown. Casey and I smile at each other.
So come dance this silence down through the morning
"Cut up, Maria!" Casey shouts over the music. "Show me some of them Spanish dances!"
"Pass me a bottle, Mr. Jones," I say.
Believe in me
Help me believe in anything
Cuz I want to be someone who believes
Short of sneakin in via the rooftops, there's no way I could get to see Maria where she works. Being a mutant sucks ass most of the time. Casey elbows me in the side.
"Maybe we can get you in ta visit her, huh Raph?"
I snort into my mug and shake my head. "Dream on, Case-man."
Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales
And we stare at the beautiful women
"Ah, lighten up", He says. "She's looking at you. Ah, no, no, she's looking at me."
Smiling in the bright lights
Coming through in stereo
When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely
I turn back to the nearly empty beer in front of me, thoughts of shit I don't wanna think about crowdin' my mind. It's a lonely life bein an outcast. Mikey and the others think they can just paint themselves up in a human word… Don's got the Internet, Mike's got his stories and Leo…ah, who knows with him…
I will paint my picture
Paint myself in blue and red and black and gray
All of the beautiful colors are very very meaningful
Me? Ha… I'll stick to the shadows. Only light in my life is the dim lights of the bars and maybe the blacklights of the clubs. Monochromatic and all that shit when you think about it…
Gray is my favorite color
I felt so symbolic yesterday
If I knew Picasso
I would buy myself a gray guitar and play
Case is rockin out on his bar stool along with Maria and Heidi. He leans over and starts talking again, although he's losing his ability to not slur.
"Thish ish th' life, huh, Raff? Winos, women, and song!"
I actually laugh at his stumbling attempts to dance with Maria.
Mr. Jones and me look into the future
Stare at the beautiful women
I slap him on the back and point to Heidi. "Hey, Case, she's looking at you."
He blinks like his eyes are havin trouble focusing. "I don't think so", he slurs. "She's looking at me."
Standing in the spotlight
I bought myself a gray guitar
Heidi props herself up against my arm and asks if I wanna head out back. Shit yeah. She leads my out the back alley when she lets me pin her against the wall. She's so drunk she doesn't realize that my face is nowhere near human, or that I've got a shell and carapace. She's practically climbing up me and I'm kinda surprised that she's movin so fast for someone so drunk….
Standing in the spotlight
I bought myself a gray guitar
When everybody loves me, I will never be lonely
I want to be a lion
Everybody wants to pass as cats
We all want to be big big stars, but we got different reasons for that
She's makin little mewling sounds. She's got a cat-that-got-the-canary grin on her face as I help her down off the row of garbage cans. Wasn't exactly either of our first choices for a romantic interlude, but hey, when the mood hits... Know what I mean?
Heidi starts coming down from her drunken high and starts fingering the little cross around her neck, laughing as she explains that she has no idea how she's gonna tell this event to her priest. She can't really believe that all this happened, that she's not usually that kind of girl. I put my arm across her shoulder and tell her that she'll think of something.
Believe in me because I don't believe in anything
And I want to be someone to believe
Case is waitin for me at the entrance. Maria is hangin on someone else and Heidi goes off to join her friend.
"C'mon, Casemeister. Let's go out and bust a few heads while we still can stand."
Mr. Jones and me stumbling through the barrio
Yeah we stare at the beautiful women
Casey nods over at Heidi, who's winking at me as we leave. "She's perfect for you, Man, there's got to be somebody for me."
I slug his arm. "Man, what about April?"
He shrugs and we laugh.
I want to be Bob Dylan
Mr. Jones wishes he was someone just a little more funky
When everybody loves you, son, that's just about as funky as you can be
Casey stops outside an appliance store, checkin out his reflection in the window. His hockey mask covered face is reflected in about a dozen TV's. My own face is hidden under the Yankee's cap I've got on.
Mr. Jones and me staring at the video
When I look at the television, I want to see me staring right back at me
We all want to be big stars, but we don't know why and we don't know how
We take up our usual spots in the park. There've been more reports of muggings lately. Nothing too serious, probably teenagers thinking they're big shots by pickin on the old ladies that are stubborn enough to be out this later. We'll beat some sense in the punks, provided they aren't beaten senseless by my drunken buddy.
But when everybody loves me,
I'm going to be just about as happy as I can be
A couple passes under my tree. From my perch I can see a scrawny teenager with a switchblade laying in wait. Casey sees my signal and follows the couple.
Show time…
Mr. Jones and me, we're gonna be big stars...
[A.N. whew! I've had this story in my head for years. Ever since i heard Mr. Jones, I couldn't help thinking that it sounded like something Raph would sing. Hope you liked my little songfic Reviews are appreciated. Thanks for reading! -Turkituck]