Author's Notes: Is it just me, or is this chapter really long? Ah well,
I don't think you guys would complain if it was. ^_^ Anyway, sorry
it took so long to get this chapter out, but between school and my other
three or four fics... I'm sure you all understand. At least I hope you
do.
Disclaimer: I do not own Guilty Gear. If I did, I would let Dizzy have
a friggin' Instant Kill already. Unfortunately, it is currently owned by
Sammy and by Arc Systems. Please do not sue me, I have no money.
A Little Bit of Innocence
A waste of good bandwidth by: TheArchimage
Part 3: Jellyfish Air and Resort
------------------------------
The fighters had lined up single file, a miracle in itself, and walked
up to April one by one. April held a clipboard in one hand and shouted,
"Alright, everyone, everyone stay calm. We will be taking off shortly,
but I need to take down the information for every passenger. We
apologize for this inconvenience, but please stay patient and we will
finish as soon as possible. We'll start with... you. Name?"
Sol glared at her, clearly not amused by her cheerful tone. "Sol
Badguy."
"Age?"
Without pause or flair, Sol answered, "155."
April gave him a dour stare. "Your REAL age?"
Sol sneered a bit and fudged, "28."
"Nationality?"
"American."
"And where are you headed?"
"How the hell should I know, you're the ones steering the damn ship."
"Right! Well, um, enjoy your flight! Yikes..."
Sol walked straight past her, and onto the ship, shaking his head. He
sighed, "God damn red tape."
"Alright, next up. Name?"
"Chipp Zanuff."
"Age?"
"23."
"Nationality?"
"Japanese!" he declared proudly.
April slowly looked him over. After a moment's thought she declared,
"You are NOT Japanese."
"Bullshit! I am so Japanese! Maybe I was born in America, but my
homeland is Japan! It is the birthplace of my spirit, and my true
home!"
"... American. There you go, enjoy your flight." April waved him
through, and murmured, "Fruitcake… Come on, people, hurry up, we don't
got all day. Name?"
Faust replied, "Wizpig."
April blinked. "Age?"
Faust looked at his watch. "37 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 17
hours, 43 minutes, and 20 seconds riiiiiiight.... now."
"Nationality?"
"I come from the land of Honna-Lee."
April lowered her clipboard to look him straight in the... er,
eyehole. "How long have you been waiting to say all that?" Faust
started to look at his watch again, but April stopped him, "No,
never mind, just get on board. Yeesh, another nut... name?"
"Potemkin."
"Age?"
Without the slightest pause, he answered, "That's classified
information."
April narrowed her eyes. "...Nationality?"
Again, he instantly responded, "That's classified information."
"Occupation?"
"Classified."
"Birth sign?"
"Classified."
"Blood type?"
"That's classified too."
"Birthday?"
"Top secret."
"Height?"
"Can't tell you."
"Weight?"
"Mum's the word."
April felt a vein begin to form on her forehead. "SHOE SIZE?!"
Potemkin thought for a moment, then replied, "I'd tell you... but
then I'd have to kill you."
April tossed the clipboard over her shoulder and threw up her hands.
"THAT'S IT! I give up! All of you, just get on the damn ship. I
don't care anymore. Just GO!"
Everyone streamed into the ship, but Dizzy and May stepped out of
line to pat April on the shoulders. Dizzy encouraged, "There there,
April... you did your best..."
*****
"Hey, wench!"
The voice snapped Jam out of her flashback. She glared hatefully at
the man it belonged to, warning, "Call me that again and I spit
in your food."
Chipp shrugged. "Whatever. Listen, how much longer is this gonna
take? We've been on this plane forever."
Jam sighed. "The captain knows where he's going. Just sit down and
enjoy the ride."
At that moment, an incredulous shout came from the bridge. "What?!
I thought YOU had the map!" Jam and Chipp stared at the door for a
moment.
Jam laughed nervously and said, "Um... we'll get there eventually.
Just stay calm."
"No way! I'm getting bored. I need something to do!"
Jam sighed as she got up out of the seat. "Hold on a second, I'll
get the captain." She walked over to the door to the bridge, and
knocked on it.
From inside came Johnny's panicked voice, "Of COURSE that's not
supposed to be on fire! Grab the extinguisher and put it out! Uh,
gimme a sec..." Johnny opened the door just enough to peek his head
out. This actually meant he had to open the entire door in order to
avoid knocking his hat off, and gray smoke started wafting from out
of the open door. "Ah, hello Jam. I'd love to help you out and
initiate you into the Mile-High club, but I'm a bit tied up right now..."
Jam playfully flicked his nose. "That's not what I'm here for,
smartass. The passengers are getting restless, and they need something
to do."
"So throw a movie up. We have an old projector lying somewhere around
here."
"But what movie should I...?"
"Can't talk right now Jam, I have an issue of... um, only minor
importance. So, if you'll excuse me..." He was just about to close
the door when he stopped, opened it again, and smiled widely. "Just
remember, we have everything under control..."
From within the room came a young girl's voice, "Captain Johnny? 'E'
means 'enough', right?"
"Oh, for the love of...!" Johnny quickly slammed the door shut.
Jam sighed. "Well, guess this has become a movie flight..."
*****
Although sparsely furbished, the movie room of the Mayship was just
the right size to seat everyone. The seats were placed on a downward
incline, so that everyone could see over the heads of people in
front of them. A minor argument took place when Faust insisted on
sitting in the front row, but he was eventually convinced that an
eight-foot tall man in the front row made it difficult for the people
in back of him.
Jam, for her part, was trying to figure out which movie would be
best. The movies were stored on old VHS tapes, and were clearly
showing their age. "Shoot, I don't know any of these... all these
movies must be hundreds of years old! Where'd he pick up relics like
these?"
May decided to help her out a bit. "Well, um... oh, this one's one of
Dizzy's favorites!" Jam immediately tossed that one over her
shoulder. "Ooookay, not in the mood for cartoons I guess... um,
that's one of our training videos..." This one joined May's previous
suggestion. "And... OH." May grabbed one of the tapes like it was
drenched in urine, and dropped it off to the side. "I don't know how
that got in there, but that's from Johnny's collection..."
"Dammit, I'll just put in one at random!" Jam closed her eyes as she
picked a tape and shoved it into the VCR. The screen began to light
up, and the picture started coming into focus.
"Uh oh..." May said. She grabbed a box of tissues from the back and
handed them to Dizzy.
Dizzy stared blankly at them. "Um, May? What are...?"
"They're to wipe your eyes with," she explained. "I think you'll need
them. And with that, I'm outta here..."
Jam blinked as she took her own seat. "Why? Something wrong with
this movie?"
"No, it's a good movie. It's just... well, I don't like to watch
movies I've seen before."
"Oh... okay. And May! Think about my proposal, okay!" May nodded
non-commitedly as she left the room. Jam settled in and watched as
the title of the movie came up...
"Old Yeller".
*****
May strolled onto the bridge. Johnny was busy manning the steering
wheel, making tiny corrections to account for air currents. Several
blackened char marks stained the walls and floor, and depleted fire
extinguisher cans littered the floor. Probably training one of the
younger girls, she thought. Well, it didn't look like anyone was
around now...
"Johnny..." she cooed.
Johnny eyed the young pirate warily. "You're not going to do the
'Are we there yet?' thing, are you?"
May shook her head. "No. Actually, I was hoping I could talk to you
seriously a moment... you see, the crew..."
Johnny sighed. He had expected something like this. "The crew will
just have to accept other men on board the ship. I know that I alone
am enough for any woman, but they still must acknowledge that-"
May shook her head. "No no no, you don't understand, they-"
Johnny released the steering wheel, already caught up in his own
rant. "... There are other men in the world besides me, and that
they aren't all perfect like me. I know how difficult it must be,
getting a false impression of men because of my shining example..."
May glanced out the window, knowing full well where this rant was
heading. She loved him, but damn he could get caught up in himself
sometimes. Her eye caught something glimmering in the sky, causing
her to swallow reflexively. She pointed out the front window at the
large jet plane heading towards them as she tried to get Johnny's
attention. "Uh, Johnny..."
Johnny continued obliviously, "Well, I guess it must be like that
old saying says... 'Once you have filet mignon, you can't go back
to pork'..."
The jet plane was now much closer, and looked as if they were
rapidly coming towards a head-on collision. May pulled at his coat
as she pleaded, "Johnny!"
"What a heartbreaker I am... Spoiling these young girls with my
presence, knowing full well that no one else in the world can ever
compare with me..."
"JOHNNY!" May shouted as she turned the wheel hard. The entire ship
rocked to the side, barely missing impact with the jet. May then
righted the ship as best she could, and collapsed over the steering
wheel in exhaustion.
And throughout all this, Johnny hadn't stopped his one-sided
conversation. "-can't be helped. Such is the price one must pay for
looking this good. Anyway, just give the girls a little time. I'm
sure they'll be able to deal with it... May? Are you all right?"
May gave a weak smile as she held her thumb and forefinger in the
"A-okay!" sign. She wearily gasped, "Just fine, Johnny... everything's
just dandy..."
"Glad to hear it. Well, I'd better get back to steering the ship
before anything bad happens... and just give the girls a little
time. They'll get used to it."
May shook her head. "No, you don't get it. Jam..."
"What about Jam?"
"She just hired a bunch of the crew members as waitresses for when
we land. She was trying to hire me, too, but..."
Johnny clenched his fist tightly. "Damn woman! She knows full well
that, as their captain and legal... okay, IL-legal guardian, I have
to look over any contract they sign, and I'm entitled to a percentage
of what they earn. She's trying to cut me out of my own profit. Well,
I can't stand for that!"
"Johnny," May giggled. "You know, if you hire out the services of
girls, that makes you a pimp..."
Johnny's eyebrow twitched noticeably. "May! You and I both know that
is not the case. I am like a father to these girls, after all..."
May looked up to him. "And what am I to you...?"
Johnny swallowed. How was he to answer this question without getting
pounded into oblivion? "You are... um... a very... special person..."
Important sounding, but completely vague. Perfect!
May beamed as she hugged him tightly. "Oh, Johnny! Thank you!"
"Um, you're welcome. But right now, I have to have a long talk with
a certain chef..."
*****
The movie came to an end, and the lights came back on. The audience
started to file out, chatting lightly amongst themselves.
Dizzy hadn't moved from her seat. She wiped her eyes, crying
uncontrollably. "Oh, that was such a sad movie..."
Right next to her, Potemkin sniffed deeply. "Yeah..." he agreed before
blowing his nose.
*****
The Mayship was high in the air, rapidly heading towards its
destination. Testament stood on the deck of the ship, looking down
at the world passing by below. His raven stood on his shoulder, looking
alternatively from her master's face to the ground below. The raven
raised her head as someone approached.
Anji raised a hand in greeting. "Yo!" Testament didn't bother
returning the greeting. Anji walked up to him, intending to start a
conversation anyway. "Feeling airsick?"
A scowl marked Testament's features as he eyed the human. In truth,
he had not felt better in some time. Dizzy had given him a warm meal,
and told him it was her first time making it. Although he did not
often succumb to human trivialities like food, he had enjoyed it
thoroughly. He did not want to ruin his good mood by conversing with
this piece of human trash. "I do not get airsick, human. We are made
much stronger than you."
"Is that how it is?" Anji laughed. "Well, it would be foolish to
assume humans were the strongest beings on the planet, wouldn't it?
After all, they would not be so self-conscious if they were. As it is,
they constantly talk about the things that are wrong, and never what
is right. They pick apart the weaknesses of things, of situations,
and of each other. Because of that, if a problem exists, they hide it
without actually fixing it. They are concerned with the image that
everything is fine, regardless of whether it actually is. If humans
were truly a strong race, we would not be so critical of weakness,
right?"
Testament's eyebrow twitched slightly. "...What are you doing here?"
"Well, this is my first time on an airship. I feel a little bit sick,
but if I let that slow me down I won't be able to enjoy the
experience. You know, the wind in your hair, the look of the land
below... so I came up here for some fresh air."
"You don't ever shut up, do you?"
"I talk because I'm alive!" Anji replied. "Perhaps it doesn't endear
me to nee-chan at all, but speaking is the mark of an intelligent
species! Consider: a member of any species must continually ask
himself questions to gain a better understanding of his surroundings.
As more of these questions are answered, he..."
Testament twitched, feeling a knot form in his stomach. What? Was this
human's blathering... making him ill?
"... gains a better understanding of himself and the world around
him. Of course, with this understanding comes the realization that he
does not know nearly as much as he thought he did. So he is forced to
ask more questions, and must seek twice as hard to find the answers
to these new questions, thus..."
Testament screwed up his face and clutched his stomach. The meal that
Dizzy worked so hard to make was threatening to climb back up his
throat, and he had to fight to keep it down. He couldn't believe it...
this idiot had made him sick!
"... beginning the entire process over again. Eventually, he reaches
a point where he can no longer find the answers to his questions with
his own experiences. And, of course, there is a limit to how much one
person can learn with the limited time they are given on this earth.
But speaking allows us to communicate our ideas and experiences with
each other, theoretically allowing our knowledge to extend
limitlessly. Instead of each member of the species seeking knowledge
by themselves, the entire race can seek true understanding together!
So you see, speaking..."
"Excuse me," Testament ran to the opposite side of the ship, covering
his mouth with his hand. He leaned over the railing and made several
retching sounds, to which Anji could only scratch his head guiltily.
"Poor chap... guess he's not the philosophical type." Anji walked over
and picked up the tray that laid on the ground. "Ah, a meal lovingly
prepared by Dizzy, is it? That man is one lucky... hm?" He picked up
the carton of milk on the tray, and inspected it carefully. "This
expired quite some time ago... you're gonna get a stomachache if you
drink this..."
*****
Johnny looked down at the island from the bridge. The island was fairly
small, and mostly covered in semi-dense forests. Still, there was a
sizable, and very scenic, beach at the west side of the island. The
west side was mostly dominated by large cliffs that overlooked the
ocean. "Well, here we are," Johnny said. "It doesn't look like much,
but hopefully..." That's precisely when something on the north end of
the island caught his eye. He squinted, though it couldn't be seen
behind his dark glasses. "Hmmm... looks like I missed something on
my initial fly-by..."
"Johnny," May asked, peeking out the window. "What is it?"
"There's a huge house on the north end of the island... and it looks
pretty new. We should probably check it out... Engines! We're gonna
make a landing here and check out what's going on."
"Looks like..." May's eyes widened. "Johnny, that's a mansion! Whoever
lives there must be loaded!"
Johnny smirked. "I know. Maybe we can use it... or convince whoever
lives there to let us borrow a few rooms..."
"Huh?"
Johnny sighed. "I was expecting to have to use the ship for the
sleeping quarters... but if the house is this big, then maybe..."
*****
Sol stood, along with most everyone else, in the main entrance foyer,
and looked up at the ceiling eighty feet above him. He whistled in
appreciation before commenting, "Nice place..."
"This house is HUGE!" May called down from the balcony high above.
"There's gotta be, like, fifty bedrooms here!"
"A hotel?" Venom asked, scratching his chin. "No, this foyer is
definitely not a hotel lobby... perhaps it used to be a hotel, and
was remodeled into a house... meaning this was once a tourist spot..."
"Still," Baiken mused. "I wonder who lives here..."
"Doesn't look like anyone LIVES here," Millia said thoughtfully.
"It's probably a summer house or something... I'm sure nobody would
mind if we borrowed it for a few days..."
Ky bristled at the thought. "No! We are all already guilty of breaking
and entering, I refuse to add thievery to that!"
"Technically," Anji perked up. "The front door was unlocked, so we
didn't have to 'break' anything to get in... and we're not stealing
anything... RIGHT, pirate-san?"
Johnny turned his head from left to right, then sighed as he reached
inside his coat. He pulled out a gold candelabra and replaced it on
the table. "It's only gold-plated, anyway..."
Anji continued, "Since we aren't stealing anything, we aren't really
thieves, either! Freeloaders, perhaps, but there's nothing explicitly
ILLEGAL about that..."
"REGARDLESS... I will not stand for you all taking rooms in this house
for yourselves!"
*****
Ky sat cross-legged and cross-armed on the front lawn, silently fuming.
Or perhaps not so silently. "Lawbreakers," he murmured. "All of them.
Well, fine. I'll just sleep here, under the stars. After all, it's a
lovely night, and-"
He was cut off suddenly by the automatic sprinklers turning on,
thoroughly drenching him in a matter of seconds. He took a deep
breath, maintaining his composure well. He drummed his fingers on
his arms and glanced from side to side. "I was feeling hot anyway,"
he lied. "You heathens aren't going to beat me that easily!" The
sprinklers died down, and Ky nodded triumphantly.
"Heya Ky!" Jam called out. She ran toward him with a bundle under one
arm as she waved with the other. "I turned off the sprinklers for
you! I thought you looked kind of lonely out here, so I decided to
keep you company. I brought a tent and a sleeping bag, too!"
"It was not necessary, Miss Jam. I just... um, you said you brought
sleeping bagS, right?" Ky took special care to mention the plural.
Jam hummed a little tune as she set up the tent. "Oh sure, sure," she
waved him off. "Now, what were you saying?"
Ky sighed as he expounded, "Well, I am not so sure this party is the
best idea. I mean, we are all very different people, with different
views and personalities... it's ludicrous to put us in the same room
and not expect something terrible to happen. I mean, even with the
mansion here... I am trying to stay silent on this matter, but it
truly bothers me how little respect they seem to have for the true
owners of this establishment..."
Jam finished setting up the tent, and dusted off her hands. "There!
Well, Ky, you can keep talking... I'll just be in here." She then
entered the tent, closing the flap behind her. "No peeking now!" she
giggled.
"Peeking? Peeking at... woah!" Ky swiftly turned his head as Jam's
dress came flying out from the tent. "Um, Miss Jam, this scene might
cause a misunderstanding. Women should... gah!" He choked on his own
words as a bra flew out and landed on his head, draping across his
face. He removed it quickly as he stammered, "P-Please do not toss
your undergarments about so casually! That is... uh..." He forgot what
he was about to say as Jam's arm slithered out from the tent, holding
a pair of panties. She teasingly waved them in the air, then let them
fall to the ground. She retracted her arm while beckoning suggestively
as Ky's face became so warm his clothes dried instantly.
A tiny Sol appeared on the left side of Ky's head, letting his feet
dangle down as he sat on Ky's shoulder. He was sporting horns at the
top of his head and a pointed tail poked out from behind him. "Kid,
she's totally asking for it. Just go in there and let your hormones do
the rest."
Ky's eyes shifted to the right, where a tiny version of his late
mentor, Kliff Undersn, appeared on his shoulder. He looked much as
Ky remembered him, except he had grown a pair of white wings on his
back and a halo was hovering over his head. The old man scratched his
beard as he said, "Now don't go listening to what that boy has to say.
In my time, these things had an order. The boy asks the girl for a
date. They spend some time together. They decide whether they're right
for each other, get hitched, and THEN do the horizontal polka. Not a
moment before!"
"Shut up, geezer," Devil Sol spat. "You're so behind the times."
"Have some respect, you whippersnapper!" Angel Kliff bellowed. "I
oughta put you over my knee and slap some decent morals into you!" He
directed his attention back to Ky as he reasoned, "Listen, my boy, you
gotta have some self-control. You're an officer of the law, for cryin'
out loud!"
"If he's able to stay out here while she's in there, he must be gay
too."
Seeing this argument had struck a cord with Ky, Kliff quickly
countered, "Responsibility is nothing to be ashamed of!"
"It is if it keeps you a virgin! Boy, you're in your prime. You can't
just let yourself grow old waiting for some 'right girl' to come along.
Not when you've got one hot-looking chick that's practically jumping
in your pants already!"
"Ky?" Jam poked her head out from the tent. She was leaning to the
side, letting the flaps of the tent hide the rest of her body. "What
are you doing?"
"Nothing!" he blurted out. Devil Sol and Angel Kliff vanished in a
puff of smoke, leaving Ky no less confused than before.
"Really?" Jam snickered. "Then come on and join me. It must be cold
out there, but it's so warm in here..."
Ky felt his face grow hot again. He pulled on the collar of his
uniform as he replied, "Well, it's not that I don't appreciate the
offer, but... um, I'm okay out here. You really don't need to go
through all the trouble of..."
"GET IN HERE!" Jam screamed as she took hold of the back of his collar
and physically dragged him into the tent.
The tent closed up and shook back and forth, and sounds of a struggle
could be heard from within. Although his voice was somewhat muffled,
Ky could still plainly be heard, "Miss Jam, please control yourself!
Night is the time to get rest! After all, we both have a huge party
to go to tomorrow, and we don't want-"
In the house, a single light was on. Sol watched the tent bob and
shake from his bedroom window through slit eyes. He shook his head as
he complained, "The kid is first one to get any... I hate this party
already."
Nee-chan: Anji refers to Baiken as "nee-chan", or "sister", even though
they have no familial relationship. I decided to keep the original
Japanese word because Anji saying "sister" just doesn't sound right.
Anji's speech: Behold, the powers of BS at work! If you ever wondered
how I'm able to pass my classes when I obviously don't do any work in
them... this is it!
Next chapter: A Japanese tradition gone awry leads to a gigantic mess.
Looks like everyone needs to get all cleaned up! How suspiciously
convenient that the mansion just HAPPENS to have his-and-her hot
springs. Let the fanservice commence!
I don't think you guys would complain if it was. ^_^ Anyway, sorry
it took so long to get this chapter out, but between school and my other
three or four fics... I'm sure you all understand. At least I hope you
do.
Disclaimer: I do not own Guilty Gear. If I did, I would let Dizzy have
a friggin' Instant Kill already. Unfortunately, it is currently owned by
Sammy and by Arc Systems. Please do not sue me, I have no money.
A Little Bit of Innocence
A waste of good bandwidth by: TheArchimage
Part 3: Jellyfish Air and Resort
------------------------------
The fighters had lined up single file, a miracle in itself, and walked
up to April one by one. April held a clipboard in one hand and shouted,
"Alright, everyone, everyone stay calm. We will be taking off shortly,
but I need to take down the information for every passenger. We
apologize for this inconvenience, but please stay patient and we will
finish as soon as possible. We'll start with... you. Name?"
Sol glared at her, clearly not amused by her cheerful tone. "Sol
Badguy."
"Age?"
Without pause or flair, Sol answered, "155."
April gave him a dour stare. "Your REAL age?"
Sol sneered a bit and fudged, "28."
"Nationality?"
"American."
"And where are you headed?"
"How the hell should I know, you're the ones steering the damn ship."
"Right! Well, um, enjoy your flight! Yikes..."
Sol walked straight past her, and onto the ship, shaking his head. He
sighed, "God damn red tape."
"Alright, next up. Name?"
"Chipp Zanuff."
"Age?"
"23."
"Nationality?"
"Japanese!" he declared proudly.
April slowly looked him over. After a moment's thought she declared,
"You are NOT Japanese."
"Bullshit! I am so Japanese! Maybe I was born in America, but my
homeland is Japan! It is the birthplace of my spirit, and my true
home!"
"... American. There you go, enjoy your flight." April waved him
through, and murmured, "Fruitcake… Come on, people, hurry up, we don't
got all day. Name?"
Faust replied, "Wizpig."
April blinked. "Age?"
Faust looked at his watch. "37 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 17
hours, 43 minutes, and 20 seconds riiiiiiight.... now."
"Nationality?"
"I come from the land of Honna-Lee."
April lowered her clipboard to look him straight in the... er,
eyehole. "How long have you been waiting to say all that?" Faust
started to look at his watch again, but April stopped him, "No,
never mind, just get on board. Yeesh, another nut... name?"
"Potemkin."
"Age?"
Without the slightest pause, he answered, "That's classified
information."
April narrowed her eyes. "...Nationality?"
Again, he instantly responded, "That's classified information."
"Occupation?"
"Classified."
"Birth sign?"
"Classified."
"Blood type?"
"That's classified too."
"Birthday?"
"Top secret."
"Height?"
"Can't tell you."
"Weight?"
"Mum's the word."
April felt a vein begin to form on her forehead. "SHOE SIZE?!"
Potemkin thought for a moment, then replied, "I'd tell you... but
then I'd have to kill you."
April tossed the clipboard over her shoulder and threw up her hands.
"THAT'S IT! I give up! All of you, just get on the damn ship. I
don't care anymore. Just GO!"
Everyone streamed into the ship, but Dizzy and May stepped out of
line to pat April on the shoulders. Dizzy encouraged, "There there,
April... you did your best..."
*****
"Hey, wench!"
The voice snapped Jam out of her flashback. She glared hatefully at
the man it belonged to, warning, "Call me that again and I spit
in your food."
Chipp shrugged. "Whatever. Listen, how much longer is this gonna
take? We've been on this plane forever."
Jam sighed. "The captain knows where he's going. Just sit down and
enjoy the ride."
At that moment, an incredulous shout came from the bridge. "What?!
I thought YOU had the map!" Jam and Chipp stared at the door for a
moment.
Jam laughed nervously and said, "Um... we'll get there eventually.
Just stay calm."
"No way! I'm getting bored. I need something to do!"
Jam sighed as she got up out of the seat. "Hold on a second, I'll
get the captain." She walked over to the door to the bridge, and
knocked on it.
From inside came Johnny's panicked voice, "Of COURSE that's not
supposed to be on fire! Grab the extinguisher and put it out! Uh,
gimme a sec..." Johnny opened the door just enough to peek his head
out. This actually meant he had to open the entire door in order to
avoid knocking his hat off, and gray smoke started wafting from out
of the open door. "Ah, hello Jam. I'd love to help you out and
initiate you into the Mile-High club, but I'm a bit tied up right now..."
Jam playfully flicked his nose. "That's not what I'm here for,
smartass. The passengers are getting restless, and they need something
to do."
"So throw a movie up. We have an old projector lying somewhere around
here."
"But what movie should I...?"
"Can't talk right now Jam, I have an issue of... um, only minor
importance. So, if you'll excuse me..." He was just about to close
the door when he stopped, opened it again, and smiled widely. "Just
remember, we have everything under control..."
From within the room came a young girl's voice, "Captain Johnny? 'E'
means 'enough', right?"
"Oh, for the love of...!" Johnny quickly slammed the door shut.
Jam sighed. "Well, guess this has become a movie flight..."
*****
Although sparsely furbished, the movie room of the Mayship was just
the right size to seat everyone. The seats were placed on a downward
incline, so that everyone could see over the heads of people in
front of them. A minor argument took place when Faust insisted on
sitting in the front row, but he was eventually convinced that an
eight-foot tall man in the front row made it difficult for the people
in back of him.
Jam, for her part, was trying to figure out which movie would be
best. The movies were stored on old VHS tapes, and were clearly
showing their age. "Shoot, I don't know any of these... all these
movies must be hundreds of years old! Where'd he pick up relics like
these?"
May decided to help her out a bit. "Well, um... oh, this one's one of
Dizzy's favorites!" Jam immediately tossed that one over her
shoulder. "Ooookay, not in the mood for cartoons I guess... um,
that's one of our training videos..." This one joined May's previous
suggestion. "And... OH." May grabbed one of the tapes like it was
drenched in urine, and dropped it off to the side. "I don't know how
that got in there, but that's from Johnny's collection..."
"Dammit, I'll just put in one at random!" Jam closed her eyes as she
picked a tape and shoved it into the VCR. The screen began to light
up, and the picture started coming into focus.
"Uh oh..." May said. She grabbed a box of tissues from the back and
handed them to Dizzy.
Dizzy stared blankly at them. "Um, May? What are...?"
"They're to wipe your eyes with," she explained. "I think you'll need
them. And with that, I'm outta here..."
Jam blinked as she took her own seat. "Why? Something wrong with
this movie?"
"No, it's a good movie. It's just... well, I don't like to watch
movies I've seen before."
"Oh... okay. And May! Think about my proposal, okay!" May nodded
non-commitedly as she left the room. Jam settled in and watched as
the title of the movie came up...
"Old Yeller".
*****
May strolled onto the bridge. Johnny was busy manning the steering
wheel, making tiny corrections to account for air currents. Several
blackened char marks stained the walls and floor, and depleted fire
extinguisher cans littered the floor. Probably training one of the
younger girls, she thought. Well, it didn't look like anyone was
around now...
"Johnny..." she cooed.
Johnny eyed the young pirate warily. "You're not going to do the
'Are we there yet?' thing, are you?"
May shook her head. "No. Actually, I was hoping I could talk to you
seriously a moment... you see, the crew..."
Johnny sighed. He had expected something like this. "The crew will
just have to accept other men on board the ship. I know that I alone
am enough for any woman, but they still must acknowledge that-"
May shook her head. "No no no, you don't understand, they-"
Johnny released the steering wheel, already caught up in his own
rant. "... There are other men in the world besides me, and that
they aren't all perfect like me. I know how difficult it must be,
getting a false impression of men because of my shining example..."
May glanced out the window, knowing full well where this rant was
heading. She loved him, but damn he could get caught up in himself
sometimes. Her eye caught something glimmering in the sky, causing
her to swallow reflexively. She pointed out the front window at the
large jet plane heading towards them as she tried to get Johnny's
attention. "Uh, Johnny..."
Johnny continued obliviously, "Well, I guess it must be like that
old saying says... 'Once you have filet mignon, you can't go back
to pork'..."
The jet plane was now much closer, and looked as if they were
rapidly coming towards a head-on collision. May pulled at his coat
as she pleaded, "Johnny!"
"What a heartbreaker I am... Spoiling these young girls with my
presence, knowing full well that no one else in the world can ever
compare with me..."
"JOHNNY!" May shouted as she turned the wheel hard. The entire ship
rocked to the side, barely missing impact with the jet. May then
righted the ship as best she could, and collapsed over the steering
wheel in exhaustion.
And throughout all this, Johnny hadn't stopped his one-sided
conversation. "-can't be helped. Such is the price one must pay for
looking this good. Anyway, just give the girls a little time. I'm
sure they'll be able to deal with it... May? Are you all right?"
May gave a weak smile as she held her thumb and forefinger in the
"A-okay!" sign. She wearily gasped, "Just fine, Johnny... everything's
just dandy..."
"Glad to hear it. Well, I'd better get back to steering the ship
before anything bad happens... and just give the girls a little
time. They'll get used to it."
May shook her head. "No, you don't get it. Jam..."
"What about Jam?"
"She just hired a bunch of the crew members as waitresses for when
we land. She was trying to hire me, too, but..."
Johnny clenched his fist tightly. "Damn woman! She knows full well
that, as their captain and legal... okay, IL-legal guardian, I have
to look over any contract they sign, and I'm entitled to a percentage
of what they earn. She's trying to cut me out of my own profit. Well,
I can't stand for that!"
"Johnny," May giggled. "You know, if you hire out the services of
girls, that makes you a pimp..."
Johnny's eyebrow twitched noticeably. "May! You and I both know that
is not the case. I am like a father to these girls, after all..."
May looked up to him. "And what am I to you...?"
Johnny swallowed. How was he to answer this question without getting
pounded into oblivion? "You are... um... a very... special person..."
Important sounding, but completely vague. Perfect!
May beamed as she hugged him tightly. "Oh, Johnny! Thank you!"
"Um, you're welcome. But right now, I have to have a long talk with
a certain chef..."
*****
The movie came to an end, and the lights came back on. The audience
started to file out, chatting lightly amongst themselves.
Dizzy hadn't moved from her seat. She wiped her eyes, crying
uncontrollably. "Oh, that was such a sad movie..."
Right next to her, Potemkin sniffed deeply. "Yeah..." he agreed before
blowing his nose.
*****
The Mayship was high in the air, rapidly heading towards its
destination. Testament stood on the deck of the ship, looking down
at the world passing by below. His raven stood on his shoulder, looking
alternatively from her master's face to the ground below. The raven
raised her head as someone approached.
Anji raised a hand in greeting. "Yo!" Testament didn't bother
returning the greeting. Anji walked up to him, intending to start a
conversation anyway. "Feeling airsick?"
A scowl marked Testament's features as he eyed the human. In truth,
he had not felt better in some time. Dizzy had given him a warm meal,
and told him it was her first time making it. Although he did not
often succumb to human trivialities like food, he had enjoyed it
thoroughly. He did not want to ruin his good mood by conversing with
this piece of human trash. "I do not get airsick, human. We are made
much stronger than you."
"Is that how it is?" Anji laughed. "Well, it would be foolish to
assume humans were the strongest beings on the planet, wouldn't it?
After all, they would not be so self-conscious if they were. As it is,
they constantly talk about the things that are wrong, and never what
is right. They pick apart the weaknesses of things, of situations,
and of each other. Because of that, if a problem exists, they hide it
without actually fixing it. They are concerned with the image that
everything is fine, regardless of whether it actually is. If humans
were truly a strong race, we would not be so critical of weakness,
right?"
Testament's eyebrow twitched slightly. "...What are you doing here?"
"Well, this is my first time on an airship. I feel a little bit sick,
but if I let that slow me down I won't be able to enjoy the
experience. You know, the wind in your hair, the look of the land
below... so I came up here for some fresh air."
"You don't ever shut up, do you?"
"I talk because I'm alive!" Anji replied. "Perhaps it doesn't endear
me to nee-chan at all, but speaking is the mark of an intelligent
species! Consider: a member of any species must continually ask
himself questions to gain a better understanding of his surroundings.
As more of these questions are answered, he..."
Testament twitched, feeling a knot form in his stomach. What? Was this
human's blathering... making him ill?
"... gains a better understanding of himself and the world around
him. Of course, with this understanding comes the realization that he
does not know nearly as much as he thought he did. So he is forced to
ask more questions, and must seek twice as hard to find the answers
to these new questions, thus..."
Testament screwed up his face and clutched his stomach. The meal that
Dizzy worked so hard to make was threatening to climb back up his
throat, and he had to fight to keep it down. He couldn't believe it...
this idiot had made him sick!
"... beginning the entire process over again. Eventually, he reaches
a point where he can no longer find the answers to his questions with
his own experiences. And, of course, there is a limit to how much one
person can learn with the limited time they are given on this earth.
But speaking allows us to communicate our ideas and experiences with
each other, theoretically allowing our knowledge to extend
limitlessly. Instead of each member of the species seeking knowledge
by themselves, the entire race can seek true understanding together!
So you see, speaking..."
"Excuse me," Testament ran to the opposite side of the ship, covering
his mouth with his hand. He leaned over the railing and made several
retching sounds, to which Anji could only scratch his head guiltily.
"Poor chap... guess he's not the philosophical type." Anji walked over
and picked up the tray that laid on the ground. "Ah, a meal lovingly
prepared by Dizzy, is it? That man is one lucky... hm?" He picked up
the carton of milk on the tray, and inspected it carefully. "This
expired quite some time ago... you're gonna get a stomachache if you
drink this..."
*****
Johnny looked down at the island from the bridge. The island was fairly
small, and mostly covered in semi-dense forests. Still, there was a
sizable, and very scenic, beach at the west side of the island. The
west side was mostly dominated by large cliffs that overlooked the
ocean. "Well, here we are," Johnny said. "It doesn't look like much,
but hopefully..." That's precisely when something on the north end of
the island caught his eye. He squinted, though it couldn't be seen
behind his dark glasses. "Hmmm... looks like I missed something on
my initial fly-by..."
"Johnny," May asked, peeking out the window. "What is it?"
"There's a huge house on the north end of the island... and it looks
pretty new. We should probably check it out... Engines! We're gonna
make a landing here and check out what's going on."
"Looks like..." May's eyes widened. "Johnny, that's a mansion! Whoever
lives there must be loaded!"
Johnny smirked. "I know. Maybe we can use it... or convince whoever
lives there to let us borrow a few rooms..."
"Huh?"
Johnny sighed. "I was expecting to have to use the ship for the
sleeping quarters... but if the house is this big, then maybe..."
*****
Sol stood, along with most everyone else, in the main entrance foyer,
and looked up at the ceiling eighty feet above him. He whistled in
appreciation before commenting, "Nice place..."
"This house is HUGE!" May called down from the balcony high above.
"There's gotta be, like, fifty bedrooms here!"
"A hotel?" Venom asked, scratching his chin. "No, this foyer is
definitely not a hotel lobby... perhaps it used to be a hotel, and
was remodeled into a house... meaning this was once a tourist spot..."
"Still," Baiken mused. "I wonder who lives here..."
"Doesn't look like anyone LIVES here," Millia said thoughtfully.
"It's probably a summer house or something... I'm sure nobody would
mind if we borrowed it for a few days..."
Ky bristled at the thought. "No! We are all already guilty of breaking
and entering, I refuse to add thievery to that!"
"Technically," Anji perked up. "The front door was unlocked, so we
didn't have to 'break' anything to get in... and we're not stealing
anything... RIGHT, pirate-san?"
Johnny turned his head from left to right, then sighed as he reached
inside his coat. He pulled out a gold candelabra and replaced it on
the table. "It's only gold-plated, anyway..."
Anji continued, "Since we aren't stealing anything, we aren't really
thieves, either! Freeloaders, perhaps, but there's nothing explicitly
ILLEGAL about that..."
"REGARDLESS... I will not stand for you all taking rooms in this house
for yourselves!"
*****
Ky sat cross-legged and cross-armed on the front lawn, silently fuming.
Or perhaps not so silently. "Lawbreakers," he murmured. "All of them.
Well, fine. I'll just sleep here, under the stars. After all, it's a
lovely night, and-"
He was cut off suddenly by the automatic sprinklers turning on,
thoroughly drenching him in a matter of seconds. He took a deep
breath, maintaining his composure well. He drummed his fingers on
his arms and glanced from side to side. "I was feeling hot anyway,"
he lied. "You heathens aren't going to beat me that easily!" The
sprinklers died down, and Ky nodded triumphantly.
"Heya Ky!" Jam called out. She ran toward him with a bundle under one
arm as she waved with the other. "I turned off the sprinklers for
you! I thought you looked kind of lonely out here, so I decided to
keep you company. I brought a tent and a sleeping bag, too!"
"It was not necessary, Miss Jam. I just... um, you said you brought
sleeping bagS, right?" Ky took special care to mention the plural.
Jam hummed a little tune as she set up the tent. "Oh sure, sure," she
waved him off. "Now, what were you saying?"
Ky sighed as he expounded, "Well, I am not so sure this party is the
best idea. I mean, we are all very different people, with different
views and personalities... it's ludicrous to put us in the same room
and not expect something terrible to happen. I mean, even with the
mansion here... I am trying to stay silent on this matter, but it
truly bothers me how little respect they seem to have for the true
owners of this establishment..."
Jam finished setting up the tent, and dusted off her hands. "There!
Well, Ky, you can keep talking... I'll just be in here." She then
entered the tent, closing the flap behind her. "No peeking now!" she
giggled.
"Peeking? Peeking at... woah!" Ky swiftly turned his head as Jam's
dress came flying out from the tent. "Um, Miss Jam, this scene might
cause a misunderstanding. Women should... gah!" He choked on his own
words as a bra flew out and landed on his head, draping across his
face. He removed it quickly as he stammered, "P-Please do not toss
your undergarments about so casually! That is... uh..." He forgot what
he was about to say as Jam's arm slithered out from the tent, holding
a pair of panties. She teasingly waved them in the air, then let them
fall to the ground. She retracted her arm while beckoning suggestively
as Ky's face became so warm his clothes dried instantly.
A tiny Sol appeared on the left side of Ky's head, letting his feet
dangle down as he sat on Ky's shoulder. He was sporting horns at the
top of his head and a pointed tail poked out from behind him. "Kid,
she's totally asking for it. Just go in there and let your hormones do
the rest."
Ky's eyes shifted to the right, where a tiny version of his late
mentor, Kliff Undersn, appeared on his shoulder. He looked much as
Ky remembered him, except he had grown a pair of white wings on his
back and a halo was hovering over his head. The old man scratched his
beard as he said, "Now don't go listening to what that boy has to say.
In my time, these things had an order. The boy asks the girl for a
date. They spend some time together. They decide whether they're right
for each other, get hitched, and THEN do the horizontal polka. Not a
moment before!"
"Shut up, geezer," Devil Sol spat. "You're so behind the times."
"Have some respect, you whippersnapper!" Angel Kliff bellowed. "I
oughta put you over my knee and slap some decent morals into you!" He
directed his attention back to Ky as he reasoned, "Listen, my boy, you
gotta have some self-control. You're an officer of the law, for cryin'
out loud!"
"If he's able to stay out here while she's in there, he must be gay
too."
Seeing this argument had struck a cord with Ky, Kliff quickly
countered, "Responsibility is nothing to be ashamed of!"
"It is if it keeps you a virgin! Boy, you're in your prime. You can't
just let yourself grow old waiting for some 'right girl' to come along.
Not when you've got one hot-looking chick that's practically jumping
in your pants already!"
"Ky?" Jam poked her head out from the tent. She was leaning to the
side, letting the flaps of the tent hide the rest of her body. "What
are you doing?"
"Nothing!" he blurted out. Devil Sol and Angel Kliff vanished in a
puff of smoke, leaving Ky no less confused than before.
"Really?" Jam snickered. "Then come on and join me. It must be cold
out there, but it's so warm in here..."
Ky felt his face grow hot again. He pulled on the collar of his
uniform as he replied, "Well, it's not that I don't appreciate the
offer, but... um, I'm okay out here. You really don't need to go
through all the trouble of..."
"GET IN HERE!" Jam screamed as she took hold of the back of his collar
and physically dragged him into the tent.
The tent closed up and shook back and forth, and sounds of a struggle
could be heard from within. Although his voice was somewhat muffled,
Ky could still plainly be heard, "Miss Jam, please control yourself!
Night is the time to get rest! After all, we both have a huge party
to go to tomorrow, and we don't want-"
In the house, a single light was on. Sol watched the tent bob and
shake from his bedroom window through slit eyes. He shook his head as
he complained, "The kid is first one to get any... I hate this party
already."
Nee-chan: Anji refers to Baiken as "nee-chan", or "sister", even though
they have no familial relationship. I decided to keep the original
Japanese word because Anji saying "sister" just doesn't sound right.
Anji's speech: Behold, the powers of BS at work! If you ever wondered
how I'm able to pass my classes when I obviously don't do any work in
them... this is it!
Next chapter: A Japanese tradition gone awry leads to a gigantic mess.
Looks like everyone needs to get all cleaned up! How suspiciously
convenient that the mansion just HAPPENS to have his-and-her hot
springs. Let the fanservice commence!