Author's Note: Heh heh... heh. So it's been a while since an update. I'm
sorry about that, but this chapter was kinda hard to get out the door...
And for everyone that's wondering, NO, this is not a Ky/Jam fic, per se. IMO,
the pairing only exists in the game as comic relief, and that is exactly how
it will be treated here. In fact, I am loathe to include any sort of pairing,
considering how polarizing such things can be in some fandoms (Ranma 1/2 and
Love Hina, to name a few). This is a comedy fic, and the relationship Ky and
Jam have easily lends itself to humorous moments. I am writing this for
laughs, not to promote any particular pairing.
*deep breath* Good! Now that I've got that off my chest... on with the show!
Disclaimer: I do not own Guilty Gear. If I did, I'd have put a Japanese
schoolgirl in the cast by now. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may
be), it and all its characters are currently owned by Sammy and by Arc Systems.
Please do not sue me, I have no money.
A Little Bit of Innocence
A waste of good bandwidth by: TheArchimage
Part 4 : Shameless Fanservice
------------------------------
The next morning the guests gathered at the breakfast table of the mansion.
Jam worked busily in the kitchen, practically skipping from stove to stove
as she practiced her trade. Some of the other guests had already sat down in
preparation for breakfast. The table was rectangular and long, so large that
there were more spaces than guests even with this large of a crew.
Jam beamed happily as she placed all the dishes down. "Breakfast will be ready
in just a minute, everyone! I just need to finish the last of the pancakes...
oh no Ky, your seat is right HERE!" She guided the knight who had just entered
to the head of the large table, at which was set a fabulous throne. It hadn't
been reserved, but since it was next to Baiken and she was known for waking up
irritable no one had taken it. Only Anji dared sit next to her, but he had
chosen the opposite side. "You just sit there, and I'll be RIGHT back!" Jam
then happily skipped back into the kitchen, humming a little tune to herself.
All heads turned as one to look at Ky. He glanced down both sides of the table
before cautiously asking, "What?"
Chipp was the first to speak. He cleared his throat before leaning to his
right, toward Ky, and whispering, "Well, I don't want to make any assumptions,
but... did you boink her?"
Anji whacked Chipp on the top of his head with a fan as he laughed nervously.
"Ha ha ha... what I believe my overly forward friend MEANT to ask was, did
something happen between you and Jam-chan last night?"
Ky gave both of them an unamused glare as he said, "I have no idea what you're
talking about. Now, could someone pass the maple syrup?"
"Just as soon as I'm done with it..." Faust replied. He was currently pouring
himself a tall glass of the brown liquid.
Ky made a face, suddenly feeling much less hungry. "Um, take your time..."
Millia's eyebrow twitched as she got up out of her seat, moving one seat away
from Faust toward the head of the table. Dizzy welcomed her new neighbor
with an excited "Hi!" and a friendly wave.
Johnny leaned across the empty seat between him and Ky and said, "Now now, you
don't have to play innocent with me. After all, why else would you be looking
so tired, if you didn't have a loooooong night?"
Jam sat down in the empty chair between them, suddenly ending the conversation.
She placed a final plate of pancakes near the center of the table and smiled.
"OKAY! Everything's ready! All that's left is for Ky to lead us in saying
grace..."
Near the far end of the table Sol speared a stack of pancakes with his fork.
"Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Now let's eat..."
Ky eyed him carefully. "Heathen," he said simply before lowering his head.
"Heavenly father, we thank you for giving us another morning on your glorious
earth, and we thank you for the bounty you have laid out before us. Please
bless us with your kindness for the rest of this day, amen." Ky raised his
head and opened his eyes. "Now, shall we all... AH!"
The massive stacks of pancakes set out across the table had all vanished, and
the other guests were patting their stomachs appreciatively.
Ky fumed. "You... YOU! Why didn't you wait until grace was finished?"
"It was finished," Chipp explained. "Great job, Sol!" If Sol heard that, he
made no sign of it. He simply grimaced and leaned back in his seat as he used
his fingernail to clean between his teeth.
Jam sighed. "Guess I'll have to make more. I'll be right back, Ky, so just
sit tight!"
Ky sighed and buried his face in his hands. "How much longer will this torture
continue?"
Chipp sighed. "There there... no need to be so dramatic. Things will turn
around, you'll see..."
Baiken rolled her eyes as she took a puff of her pipe. "Ain't that a load
of..."
Anji turned toward in his seat toward her, shushing, "The boy is right behind
me, you should at least TRY not to start fights..."
"Wait a moment," Venom said, peeking at Ky from behind Potemkin's huge form.
"Didn't we just land? Where did Miss Jam get all this food from?"
Ky blinked. "I'm... not certain. Why did you look at me as if I knew?"
Faust's head jerked upward slightly. "Hmm?" he mumbled to himself. "I could
have sworn I heard air escaping from a hole in the plot... must have been just
me..."
* * * * *
After Ky had been sufficiently fed, the group decided to explore the rest of
the island. Chipp, however, had beaten them all outside and made them gather
around just outside the main door for a special message.
"Alright!" Chipp said holding up a large watermelon in one hand and a hammer
in the other. "Time to get this started off the RIGHT way!" He placed the
watermelon on the grass and proclaimed, "This is how we Japanese start a
party! We're gonna take turns swinging at this thing blindfolded, and the
first person to split it apart wins!"
Baiken raised an eyebrow. "THAT'S a pretty obscure tradition... how do you
suppose he..." Her eyes turned to Anji, who was whistling innocently. Her
eyes narrowed as she sighed, "You really shouldn't encourage him, you know."
"Eh, he's not a bad guy. Besides, he told me a little bit about how the Mafia
is organized. It was a fair trade of information."
Baiken shook her head. "Ignoring, of course, that we should be on a BEACH for
this..."
"Shhh," Anji smirked. "Let the kid have his fun."
Chipp held up a baseball bat and announced, "Okay! Who wants to take a crack
at it?" Not a sound. "Come on! Anyone?"
Potemkin finished tying a rag over his eyes, taking the silence for a lack of
objections. "Very well," he said. "In the interest of fun, I shall begin."
He then hefted a hammer that was huge even by his standards, with a head twice
as large as his fists and a shaft that was easily taller than he was. He
was forced to heft it with both hands, and everyone gathered could see the
disaster in the making but could do nothing to stop it. Potemkin raised the
mighty hammer above his head, his muscles bulging from the effort.
"INCOMING!!!!" Faust shouted, quickly donning a pair of blast-protection
goggles.
"RRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!"
Potemkin brought the hammer down with a mighty crash, his strike landing dead
on accurate. Shattered pieces of watermelon flew everywhere, splattering all
over the assembled fighters. The blow had even left a large crater in the
earth, and smoke was rising from the middle of it.
Luckily, Anji's Stopping Fans had been unfolded in time, leaving both himself
and Baiken completely untouched. "Nice reflexes," Baiken complimented, mildly
impressed. "But can those fans stop more than just bits of fruit?"
"If that is a challenge, then I welcome it anytime," Anji smiled as he shook
his fans dry. "And by the way, you're welcome. I know for a fact dry
cleaning never would have covered THAT."
Dizzy peeked out from behind Undine, who had used her own body to protect her.
"Thank you, Undine," she said. Undine looked down at her gown, distressed, as
Dizzy reassured her, "Don't worry, I'm sure it will come out..."
Jam shook her head from deep inside the house. "Well, at least nobody's died
yet... hey, Chipp, how'd you get all the way back here?"
Chipp stood up straight and clasped his hands together in a Shinobi salute,
very pleased with himself. "Because I'm a ninja. And don't forget it."
Venom patted Potemkin on the shoulder. "Perhaps you shouldn't have used so
much force, sir. A good break requires JUST the right amount of power..."
Potemkin shook his head and looked at his hammer. "From the way our young
ninja described it, I thought that was part of the game..."
Johnny adjusted his collar in an effort to look more dignified; a worthless
gesture, since his pimpin' outfit was now but a shadow of it's former glory.
"Well, some of our clothes are a bit messy now. If you don't have an extra
change, you'll be spending the rest of the weekend in your swimsuits. Of
course, you ladies are more than welcome to do just that..." There was a
slight pause in his commentary as May leapt up and punched him in the back of
the head, causing a crack to form in his sunglasses.
Johnny shook off the blow and continued, "Anyway, even if our clothes are a bit
messy, there's no reason that we should leave ourselves like this. Thankfully,
the mansion has a hot spring in the back that we can use to clean ourselves up.
There's even a separation between the ladies' and gentlemen's side. How
convenient, eh? Hope you boys and girls remembered to bring your soap with
you..."
Jam perked up, "Oh, that's good! I'll need a little more time to get my things
set up anyway. Hey, you two!" she called toward Baiken and Anji. "Since you
don't need to get clean, why don't you help me out? I'll pay you! You too,
Chipp!"
Anji rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmmm..."
Baiken looked away. "I'm not... cooking isn't something I'm good with..."
"Aw, come on!" Jam pressured. "I'm sure you know all kinds of recipes that
most people have never even heard of! Hey! That'd be a killer advertisement!
'Cranberry Jam's, now featuring long-lost Japanese cuisine'!"
Chipp's eyes glimmered. "Japanese food...?"
Baiken murmured, "Knowing them and making them are two different things..."
Anji whispered in her ear, "Perhaps, but you do know if we don't show her how
to make Japanese food, she's going to try learning from our 'ninja' friend..."
Baiken made a face, her mind conjuring up unpleasant images of what Chipp
considered "Japanese food". "You... do have a point. But understand mine..."
she said as she raised her right arm. Or rather, displayed her mostly empty
right sleeve. She clarified, "Cooking with one arm is a royal pain in the ass."
Anji sighed. "Fine. I'll do it alone, but only if you get rid of our friend
the ninja. The boy means well, but he just doesn't have the refinement
necessary for cooking traditional foods. Ah, I mean, just keep him away from
the kitchen, not literally get rid of him."
Baiken sheathed her sword, disappointed. "You're sure? Damn."
Anji gave her a humored grin. "Very sure. I'm counting on you..."
* * * * *
Only a few minutes later, almost everyone had procured a towel and headed for
the hot springs. Chipp and Baiken were busily helping Jam in the kitchen. Or
perhaps not so much helping as "getting in her way".
"AAAAAAH!" came Jam's sudden shout. "What are you two DOING?! That soup was
supposed to be for lunch! Get out of my kitchen, both of you! Out out out
out OOOOUUUT!!!!" A stream of pots and pans came flying from out the service
entrance, and both Baiken and Chipp did their best to dodge the hurled
kitchenware as they scrambled out. Both were soaked in a brown broth, with
various vegetable chunks on their clothing.
Chipp sighed as he looked at Baiken. "You started it."
Baiken glared at him sideways. "Did not."
"Did too!"
"Just shut up. I'm taking a bath. Otherwise, the stench of this stuff'll
never come up." Baiken then walked off, mumbling under her breath, "You
idiot, you owe me for this..."
Chipp looked away sharply in disgust. "Feh, women!"
* * * * *
***INTERMISSION!***
I know you all would like to see naked flesh, but this isn't that kind of fic.
Go read hentai doujinshi if you want to see that. In our case, we'll have to
keep you distracted while the guys and gals change in order to keep the PG-13
rating.
So without any further ado, we proudly present:
Guilty Gear Brain Teaser:
Price of Seating
You're going to have to think about this one, so get ready! The question is
this: where, exactly, was everyone sitting during breakfast? Many clues can
be found in the breakfast scene, but here are a few more hints to keep in mind:
1. There are FIVE empty seats at the table, and twenty seats in total. (BIG
table!) 2. No one is sitting at the foot of the table, opposite from Ky.
3. Millia and Venom can't stand each other, and are neither sitting next to
each other nor across from each other.
4. No one is sitting either next to or across from Sol, Testament, or Faust.
Of these three, Sol is furthest from the head of the table, and Faust is the
closest.
5. Potemkin is so large that he takes up two seats.
6. All of the present Jellyfish pirates are sitting next to each other.
7. No two people with the same color costume is sitting next to each other.
Assume all characters are in their default costumes, and only the most
dominant color counts. (So Dizzy's costume is considered black, and Baiken's
is considered pink.) If two colors are present in roughly equal amounts,
their costume counts as both. (So Chipp's costume is both black and white,
as is Venom's)
Give up? The answer is at the end of the chapter in the Author's Notes!
And, since everyone seems to be finished changing, we now go back to our
regularly scheduled fic!
* * * * *
The hot springs were sizable, with a boys and girls side separated by a thin
wall. The guys all had towels around their waists, although Sol had an extra
one that he was fashioning into a rat tail. Each one had a rather impressive
build, although it went without saying that Potemkin had the most impressive of
them all. Of course, with his short legs, Potemkin also kept tripping over his
towel, but that was neither here nor there.
"So, it's only us guys now," Johnny said, sliding next to Ky. "So tell me
officer, how kinky is Jam? Did she make use of your handcuffs?"
Ky ignored him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Sol smirked. "Really, kid? Wasn't that her dragging you into the tent last
night?"
Ky stammered, "What? Y-you saw?!"
"Aha!" Johnny exclaimed. "So something did happen! Details! I want details!"
Ky lowered his head and shuddered, his entire body glowing red. He
repeated, "A gentleman never tells... a gentleman never tells..." like a
mantra. Finally, Ky relented. "Okay, okay! I'll talk!"
Everyone leaned in close. Ky took a deep breath and turned red as he stammered
out the story: "There... there was... some kissing... and maybe a... a grope or
two... but I told her calmly and rationally, that I was not that kind of man,
that I needed time and space, and that I was... erm... saving myself. After a
few minutes... alright, to be honest it was hours... she... accepted that. And
then we went to sleep."
A moment of silence. The girls could be heard giggling on the other side of
the wall, and a few birds could be heard chirping, swapping the latest news.
Finally, Sol slowly held his arm back and whipped Ky in the back with the rat
tail with a silence-shattering snap. "Ow! What was that-"
"That was for getting so worked up over second base. For God's sake, kid, you
SERIOUSLY need to loosen up."
"You're just upset I listened to Kliff instead of you."
"...What the hell are you talking about?"
"Nothing," Ky shot back quickly as he turned away.
Chipp looked around for a moment, realizing something. "Wait a minute," he
said. "Where'd that weird-ass doctor go?"
His question was answered as someone shouted from high above: "CANNONBALL!"
Faust landed in the middle of the spring, causing a much smaller than expected
splash. Potemkin looked down at the water, which only barely came up to his
waist. "This water is only two and a half feet deep..." As he said this, Faust
floated to the surface face-down and his limbs hanging limp. The paper bag was,
miraculously enough, still dry.
"Is he dead?" Chipp said, leaning forward while poking him on the shoulder
with a stick.
Sol had retreated to the side of the spring, close to the wall. He could hear
the women chatting busily away on the other side as he leaned against the wall.
A small puff of smoke appeared over his left shoulder, and when it cleared a
tiny Justice was sitting there. Of course, this Justice had tiny horns at the
top of his head and a pitchfork dangled from one hand, but other than that it was
a perfect resemblance of the King of Gears.
Justice raised his head menacingly. "My mission... is genocide." Sol gave
him a curious look, and Justice shrugged. "Sorry. It's sort of my catch
phrase."
"What do you want?" Sol asked a bit angrily.
"Not what I want, but what you want. I mean... this wall isn't very high; I'm
sure a man of your strength could just lift himself up and..."
"Hold it right there!"
A puff of black smoke (or were they tiny bats?) appeared over Sol's right
shoulder. When it cleared, a tiny Slayer with angelic wings was hovering
there, sitting on his cape while puffing his pipe.
Sol raised an eyebrow. "Are you supposed to be that old man, or are you just
the good side of my conscience come down for a cheap gag?"
The winged Slayer puffed on his pipe, sighing. "I am not the proverbial 'angel
on the shoulder', nor am I actually your old acquaintance. I represent the
bad-ass side of your personality. And I say that this is quite juvenile
behavior for a man of your standing. I mean, come off it... you can't go for
a wide-eyed peek at female flesh like some love-starved geek in a teen movie.
Remember your image!"
Devil Justice folded his arms as it asked, "Have you SEEN what's on the other
side?"
Slayer responded quickly, "I know perfectly well what's there."
"So? That's not the same thing. Go check, then see what you have to say."
Winged Slayer shook his head as he flapped his wings, [eeling just over the
top of the fence. His face hardened suddenly, and he hastily ducked back out
of sight to land on Sol's head. He took a long, slow puff of his pipe as he
contemplated the situation. After a long pause he said, "... Fine, but you
have to look at them out of the corner of his eye, like you're not really
interested. That would look so very bad-ass."
"Gotcha," Sol mumbled as he found a good handhold on the fence and the two
winged chibis vanished in a puff of smoke. Just as he was about to lift
himself up, Johnny appeared at his side.
"No, no, no!" Johnny pushed him aside. "How dare you look at ladies like
that?"
Sol gave him a look. "Who's gonna stop me? You?"
Johnny shook his finger at him as he took up his sword with his other hand.
Sol had to blink, wondering just where he had pulled it from. Johnny
admonished, "Just watch..." He pulled the katana out of the sheath a tiny bit,
and white smoke began pouring out of it. Within seconds, both Sol and Johnny
were hidden from view.
Johnny replaced his sword in the sheath with a smile. "This is how it's done.
This way they can't see you. Honestly, you'd think you had never done something
like this before." Johnny peeked his head over the fence towards the women's
side, Sol joining him with a smirk on his face.
Ky watched them in disgust. "Spying on innocent maidens... the devil take
them for their debauchery!"
Chipp nodded. "For once, I agree with you. I hope something really bad
happens to them."
*****
Dizzy laid down at the side of the water, quietly resting with a towel around
her as Undine soaked in the water. Necro looked about as unhappy as usual,
arms crossed with an off-white blindfold covering his eyes. Dizzy addressed
him without opening her eyes, "I really appreciate this, Necro, and I'm sure
Undine does too. Just be patient a little while longer."
May had abandoned any attempt at washing up; her eyes were now focused squarely
on Baiken. She watched the samurai with wide-eyed and open-mouthed admiration.
Baiken eyed her warily, hoping for once that she was paying more attention to
her missing arm than what she thought she was looking at. "What are you staring
at?" she finally asked.
The young pirate blinked. "So big..." she whispered, entranced. She shook her
head quickly to bring herself to her senses. "I mean, you better stay away from
Johnny! He doesn't like mean girls!" She then turned away from her in huff.
Baiken raised an eyebrow at the brat. "Uh, sure. Whatever you say. Hey,
hair girl, come over here. I'll wash your back for you."
Millia had a towel wrapped around her chest that she clung to with a death
grip. Her face was somewhat flushed, although she was pretending not to be
bothered by it. "I... I am fine here... you don't need to..."
"First time in a Japanese style hot spring, is it?" Baiken asked with a smirk.
Baiken and May had their towels off to the side for later use. "Don't be so
ashamed. There's nothing you've got I haven't seen before."
"You don't have to rub it in!" Millia retorted. She caught her tongue and her
eyes widened. She then sank into the water up to her nose, thoroughly embarrassed.
Dizzy spoke up a little, "Um... excuse me... Undine says..."
Whatever Undine had said drove Necro over the edge. He whirled toward her
angrily, tearing off the blindfold and shaking his fist as a vein popped out
on his forehead. Dizzy gasped, and everyone turned toward her. Necro noticed
the position he was in, looking from the girls to the blindfold and then back
again. He got a slight blush on his cheeks, and started to rub the back of his
head while averting his eyes. The girls were seething, and were about to launch
an attack when...
SPLOOSH!
A large something landed right in the middle of the small spring. The girls
looked toward it, wondering what could have caused it. A few bubbles reached
the surface, followed by a loud splash as something broke the surface.
It was a blond haired man with a red bandana tied around his forehead. His
hair was long, as well as slightly ragged and unkempt. His denim jacket had
clearly seen better days, as the sleeves were torn off entirely. His jeans
had been cut short in a similar fashion, and many loose threads poked out
from where the tear had occurred. The style of dress was very old, but
unmistakable.
"AAAAH!" Axl Low took a deep breath as he pulled himself above water. "Oh,
bugger, now I'm all wet... Well, at least I got away from those crazy samurai.
But I wonder where I am now?" He looked up at his surroundings, he seemed to
be in some kind of hot spring. He was also being stared at by a horde of
glowing red eyes, belonging to several females with nothing but towels to
cover them (if even that).
He rubbed the back of his head, starting to get the feeling he might have been
better off with the samurai. "Ha ha ha... how awkward... Say girls, you
wouldn't mind giving me a little head start, would ya? I still have jet lag,
or something of the sort... please?"
His pleas went sadly unheeded. Within seconds they were upon him, delivering
a savage beating that could only come from women dealing with a letcher.
"AAAAAHHHH!" Dizzy screamed as Undine tried to cover herself and Necro gave Axl
a left hook.
"What are you looking at?" Baiken asked angrily as she kicked him in the
stomach, causing him to double over.
"Pedophile!" May screamed as she stomped on his head with both feet, sending
him face-first into the water.
"The men's side is over... there!" Millia said as her hair wrapped around Axl
and tossed him bodily towards the men's lake.
Sol and Johnny didn't react in time to dodge the human missile heading toward
them and they each caught a face-full of Axl. The three went flying backwards,
causing a large splash as they sank deep under the water. There was silence for
several moments. Finally, all three of the men floated to the surface, their
limbs hanging limply.
Ky sighed at the three bodies floating in the water. "Divine justice cannot
be avoided... they brought this upon themselves."
Venom got Potemkin's attention, and pointed toward the three. "Did you see
that? THAT is how a break is done." Potemkin's mouth made an "o" of
understanding.
Faust shook his head. "Ah, more patients. Folks in such a dangerous
profession always seem to come back again and again. Well, let's see...
other than a nasty bump on the head, I don't see any external injuries." He
paused threateningly as he pulled a rubber glove on up to his elbow. "I'd
better check for... INTERNAL injuries..."
Sol shot a fearsome glare at Faust. "Don't even think about it," he warned,
his threat dramatically less menacing due to the fact that his mouth was
half-submerged and caused bubbles to form with each syllable.
Faust paused a moment, then started to take off his glove. "Spoilsport," he
whined.
* * * * *
After Axl regained consciousness, the guests all agreed that Axl needed a new
wardrobe: his current clothes were not only beat-up, but soaking wet. Faust
suggested something he called "a Yatta leaf", but since no one knew what he was
talking about Johnny decided to take him aboard the Jellyfish and give him some
clothes they... found. Yes, found, that's the ticket. Definitely not stolen.
He was now wearing a long sleeve shirt under his denim jacket, in the style and
colors of the flag of Great Britain. His shorts were also gone, replaced by
long blue pants. Axl scratched his head as he asked, "You know, I really hate
to ask this, but... are you sure you've got nothing else in my size?"
Johnny shook his head. "Sorry, pal, that's it. Besides, I don't think it's a
good idea to change clothes... those have sort of become your trademark."
Axl blinked. "Trademark?"
May gave him the thumbs up. "Oh yeah! You've been wearing those for months!
I can't imagine you in anything else!"
"Months, you say? Smashing. Guess I'm going to be jumping around time for a
while yet, then..." Axl sighed as he examined his new threads once more.
"Nothing quite screams 'British' like a Union Jack emblazoned on your chest.
Well, better than nothing. Say, I'm feeling a bit peckish... when's lunch?"
* * * * * *
Teasing Ky: I know it seems like I have something against him, but in reality
he's just fun to pick on. He's actually one of my favorite characters!
Brainteaser answer:
Ky
/ \
Jam Baiken
| |
Johnny Anji
| |
May Chipp
| |
Dizzy Potemkin
| |
Millia (Potemkin)
| |
(Empty) Venom
| |
Faust (Empty)
| |
(Empty) Sol
| |
Testament (Empty)
\ /
(Empty)
Peeping Johnny: You have to admit, it's a pretty unique way to use Bacchus
Sigh...
Axl's outfit: Ever wonder why Axl had such a dramatic costume change between
Guilty Gear and Guilty Gear X? Well, wonder no more!
Next chapter: Well, it looks like Axl's decided to, um, drop in. Everyone
continues to settle in, but it looks like Sol and Ky have a few other things
to settle! Laughs! Education! Sol & Ky... VIOLENCE, that is! It's all
coming next time... because can it really be a Guilty Gear fic if the knight
and the rebel don't beat the hell out of each other at least once?
sorry about that, but this chapter was kinda hard to get out the door...
And for everyone that's wondering, NO, this is not a Ky/Jam fic, per se. IMO,
the pairing only exists in the game as comic relief, and that is exactly how
it will be treated here. In fact, I am loathe to include any sort of pairing,
considering how polarizing such things can be in some fandoms (Ranma 1/2 and
Love Hina, to name a few). This is a comedy fic, and the relationship Ky and
Jam have easily lends itself to humorous moments. I am writing this for
laughs, not to promote any particular pairing.
*deep breath* Good! Now that I've got that off my chest... on with the show!
Disclaimer: I do not own Guilty Gear. If I did, I'd have put a Japanese
schoolgirl in the cast by now. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may
be), it and all its characters are currently owned by Sammy and by Arc Systems.
Please do not sue me, I have no money.
A Little Bit of Innocence
A waste of good bandwidth by: TheArchimage
Part 4 : Shameless Fanservice
------------------------------
The next morning the guests gathered at the breakfast table of the mansion.
Jam worked busily in the kitchen, practically skipping from stove to stove
as she practiced her trade. Some of the other guests had already sat down in
preparation for breakfast. The table was rectangular and long, so large that
there were more spaces than guests even with this large of a crew.
Jam beamed happily as she placed all the dishes down. "Breakfast will be ready
in just a minute, everyone! I just need to finish the last of the pancakes...
oh no Ky, your seat is right HERE!" She guided the knight who had just entered
to the head of the large table, at which was set a fabulous throne. It hadn't
been reserved, but since it was next to Baiken and she was known for waking up
irritable no one had taken it. Only Anji dared sit next to her, but he had
chosen the opposite side. "You just sit there, and I'll be RIGHT back!" Jam
then happily skipped back into the kitchen, humming a little tune to herself.
All heads turned as one to look at Ky. He glanced down both sides of the table
before cautiously asking, "What?"
Chipp was the first to speak. He cleared his throat before leaning to his
right, toward Ky, and whispering, "Well, I don't want to make any assumptions,
but... did you boink her?"
Anji whacked Chipp on the top of his head with a fan as he laughed nervously.
"Ha ha ha... what I believe my overly forward friend MEANT to ask was, did
something happen between you and Jam-chan last night?"
Ky gave both of them an unamused glare as he said, "I have no idea what you're
talking about. Now, could someone pass the maple syrup?"
"Just as soon as I'm done with it..." Faust replied. He was currently pouring
himself a tall glass of the brown liquid.
Ky made a face, suddenly feeling much less hungry. "Um, take your time..."
Millia's eyebrow twitched as she got up out of her seat, moving one seat away
from Faust toward the head of the table. Dizzy welcomed her new neighbor
with an excited "Hi!" and a friendly wave.
Johnny leaned across the empty seat between him and Ky and said, "Now now, you
don't have to play innocent with me. After all, why else would you be looking
so tired, if you didn't have a loooooong night?"
Jam sat down in the empty chair between them, suddenly ending the conversation.
She placed a final plate of pancakes near the center of the table and smiled.
"OKAY! Everything's ready! All that's left is for Ky to lead us in saying
grace..."
Near the far end of the table Sol speared a stack of pancakes with his fork.
"Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Now let's eat..."
Ky eyed him carefully. "Heathen," he said simply before lowering his head.
"Heavenly father, we thank you for giving us another morning on your glorious
earth, and we thank you for the bounty you have laid out before us. Please
bless us with your kindness for the rest of this day, amen." Ky raised his
head and opened his eyes. "Now, shall we all... AH!"
The massive stacks of pancakes set out across the table had all vanished, and
the other guests were patting their stomachs appreciatively.
Ky fumed. "You... YOU! Why didn't you wait until grace was finished?"
"It was finished," Chipp explained. "Great job, Sol!" If Sol heard that, he
made no sign of it. He simply grimaced and leaned back in his seat as he used
his fingernail to clean between his teeth.
Jam sighed. "Guess I'll have to make more. I'll be right back, Ky, so just
sit tight!"
Ky sighed and buried his face in his hands. "How much longer will this torture
continue?"
Chipp sighed. "There there... no need to be so dramatic. Things will turn
around, you'll see..."
Baiken rolled her eyes as she took a puff of her pipe. "Ain't that a load
of..."
Anji turned toward in his seat toward her, shushing, "The boy is right behind
me, you should at least TRY not to start fights..."
"Wait a moment," Venom said, peeking at Ky from behind Potemkin's huge form.
"Didn't we just land? Where did Miss Jam get all this food from?"
Ky blinked. "I'm... not certain. Why did you look at me as if I knew?"
Faust's head jerked upward slightly. "Hmm?" he mumbled to himself. "I could
have sworn I heard air escaping from a hole in the plot... must have been just
me..."
* * * * *
After Ky had been sufficiently fed, the group decided to explore the rest of
the island. Chipp, however, had beaten them all outside and made them gather
around just outside the main door for a special message.
"Alright!" Chipp said holding up a large watermelon in one hand and a hammer
in the other. "Time to get this started off the RIGHT way!" He placed the
watermelon on the grass and proclaimed, "This is how we Japanese start a
party! We're gonna take turns swinging at this thing blindfolded, and the
first person to split it apart wins!"
Baiken raised an eyebrow. "THAT'S a pretty obscure tradition... how do you
suppose he..." Her eyes turned to Anji, who was whistling innocently. Her
eyes narrowed as she sighed, "You really shouldn't encourage him, you know."
"Eh, he's not a bad guy. Besides, he told me a little bit about how the Mafia
is organized. It was a fair trade of information."
Baiken shook her head. "Ignoring, of course, that we should be on a BEACH for
this..."
"Shhh," Anji smirked. "Let the kid have his fun."
Chipp held up a baseball bat and announced, "Okay! Who wants to take a crack
at it?" Not a sound. "Come on! Anyone?"
Potemkin finished tying a rag over his eyes, taking the silence for a lack of
objections. "Very well," he said. "In the interest of fun, I shall begin."
He then hefted a hammer that was huge even by his standards, with a head twice
as large as his fists and a shaft that was easily taller than he was. He
was forced to heft it with both hands, and everyone gathered could see the
disaster in the making but could do nothing to stop it. Potemkin raised the
mighty hammer above his head, his muscles bulging from the effort.
"INCOMING!!!!" Faust shouted, quickly donning a pair of blast-protection
goggles.
"RRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!"
Potemkin brought the hammer down with a mighty crash, his strike landing dead
on accurate. Shattered pieces of watermelon flew everywhere, splattering all
over the assembled fighters. The blow had even left a large crater in the
earth, and smoke was rising from the middle of it.
Luckily, Anji's Stopping Fans had been unfolded in time, leaving both himself
and Baiken completely untouched. "Nice reflexes," Baiken complimented, mildly
impressed. "But can those fans stop more than just bits of fruit?"
"If that is a challenge, then I welcome it anytime," Anji smiled as he shook
his fans dry. "And by the way, you're welcome. I know for a fact dry
cleaning never would have covered THAT."
Dizzy peeked out from behind Undine, who had used her own body to protect her.
"Thank you, Undine," she said. Undine looked down at her gown, distressed, as
Dizzy reassured her, "Don't worry, I'm sure it will come out..."
Jam shook her head from deep inside the house. "Well, at least nobody's died
yet... hey, Chipp, how'd you get all the way back here?"
Chipp stood up straight and clasped his hands together in a Shinobi salute,
very pleased with himself. "Because I'm a ninja. And don't forget it."
Venom patted Potemkin on the shoulder. "Perhaps you shouldn't have used so
much force, sir. A good break requires JUST the right amount of power..."
Potemkin shook his head and looked at his hammer. "From the way our young
ninja described it, I thought that was part of the game..."
Johnny adjusted his collar in an effort to look more dignified; a worthless
gesture, since his pimpin' outfit was now but a shadow of it's former glory.
"Well, some of our clothes are a bit messy now. If you don't have an extra
change, you'll be spending the rest of the weekend in your swimsuits. Of
course, you ladies are more than welcome to do just that..." There was a
slight pause in his commentary as May leapt up and punched him in the back of
the head, causing a crack to form in his sunglasses.
Johnny shook off the blow and continued, "Anyway, even if our clothes are a bit
messy, there's no reason that we should leave ourselves like this. Thankfully,
the mansion has a hot spring in the back that we can use to clean ourselves up.
There's even a separation between the ladies' and gentlemen's side. How
convenient, eh? Hope you boys and girls remembered to bring your soap with
you..."
Jam perked up, "Oh, that's good! I'll need a little more time to get my things
set up anyway. Hey, you two!" she called toward Baiken and Anji. "Since you
don't need to get clean, why don't you help me out? I'll pay you! You too,
Chipp!"
Anji rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmmm..."
Baiken looked away. "I'm not... cooking isn't something I'm good with..."
"Aw, come on!" Jam pressured. "I'm sure you know all kinds of recipes that
most people have never even heard of! Hey! That'd be a killer advertisement!
'Cranberry Jam's, now featuring long-lost Japanese cuisine'!"
Chipp's eyes glimmered. "Japanese food...?"
Baiken murmured, "Knowing them and making them are two different things..."
Anji whispered in her ear, "Perhaps, but you do know if we don't show her how
to make Japanese food, she's going to try learning from our 'ninja' friend..."
Baiken made a face, her mind conjuring up unpleasant images of what Chipp
considered "Japanese food". "You... do have a point. But understand mine..."
she said as she raised her right arm. Or rather, displayed her mostly empty
right sleeve. She clarified, "Cooking with one arm is a royal pain in the ass."
Anji sighed. "Fine. I'll do it alone, but only if you get rid of our friend
the ninja. The boy means well, but he just doesn't have the refinement
necessary for cooking traditional foods. Ah, I mean, just keep him away from
the kitchen, not literally get rid of him."
Baiken sheathed her sword, disappointed. "You're sure? Damn."
Anji gave her a humored grin. "Very sure. I'm counting on you..."
* * * * *
Only a few minutes later, almost everyone had procured a towel and headed for
the hot springs. Chipp and Baiken were busily helping Jam in the kitchen. Or
perhaps not so much helping as "getting in her way".
"AAAAAAH!" came Jam's sudden shout. "What are you two DOING?! That soup was
supposed to be for lunch! Get out of my kitchen, both of you! Out out out
out OOOOUUUT!!!!" A stream of pots and pans came flying from out the service
entrance, and both Baiken and Chipp did their best to dodge the hurled
kitchenware as they scrambled out. Both were soaked in a brown broth, with
various vegetable chunks on their clothing.
Chipp sighed as he looked at Baiken. "You started it."
Baiken glared at him sideways. "Did not."
"Did too!"
"Just shut up. I'm taking a bath. Otherwise, the stench of this stuff'll
never come up." Baiken then walked off, mumbling under her breath, "You
idiot, you owe me for this..."
Chipp looked away sharply in disgust. "Feh, women!"
* * * * *
***INTERMISSION!***
I know you all would like to see naked flesh, but this isn't that kind of fic.
Go read hentai doujinshi if you want to see that. In our case, we'll have to
keep you distracted while the guys and gals change in order to keep the PG-13
rating.
So without any further ado, we proudly present:
Guilty Gear Brain Teaser:
Price of Seating
You're going to have to think about this one, so get ready! The question is
this: where, exactly, was everyone sitting during breakfast? Many clues can
be found in the breakfast scene, but here are a few more hints to keep in mind:
1. There are FIVE empty seats at the table, and twenty seats in total. (BIG
table!) 2. No one is sitting at the foot of the table, opposite from Ky.
3. Millia and Venom can't stand each other, and are neither sitting next to
each other nor across from each other.
4. No one is sitting either next to or across from Sol, Testament, or Faust.
Of these three, Sol is furthest from the head of the table, and Faust is the
closest.
5. Potemkin is so large that he takes up two seats.
6. All of the present Jellyfish pirates are sitting next to each other.
7. No two people with the same color costume is sitting next to each other.
Assume all characters are in their default costumes, and only the most
dominant color counts. (So Dizzy's costume is considered black, and Baiken's
is considered pink.) If two colors are present in roughly equal amounts,
their costume counts as both. (So Chipp's costume is both black and white,
as is Venom's)
Give up? The answer is at the end of the chapter in the Author's Notes!
And, since everyone seems to be finished changing, we now go back to our
regularly scheduled fic!
* * * * *
The hot springs were sizable, with a boys and girls side separated by a thin
wall. The guys all had towels around their waists, although Sol had an extra
one that he was fashioning into a rat tail. Each one had a rather impressive
build, although it went without saying that Potemkin had the most impressive of
them all. Of course, with his short legs, Potemkin also kept tripping over his
towel, but that was neither here nor there.
"So, it's only us guys now," Johnny said, sliding next to Ky. "So tell me
officer, how kinky is Jam? Did she make use of your handcuffs?"
Ky ignored him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Sol smirked. "Really, kid? Wasn't that her dragging you into the tent last
night?"
Ky stammered, "What? Y-you saw?!"
"Aha!" Johnny exclaimed. "So something did happen! Details! I want details!"
Ky lowered his head and shuddered, his entire body glowing red. He
repeated, "A gentleman never tells... a gentleman never tells..." like a
mantra. Finally, Ky relented. "Okay, okay! I'll talk!"
Everyone leaned in close. Ky took a deep breath and turned red as he stammered
out the story: "There... there was... some kissing... and maybe a... a grope or
two... but I told her calmly and rationally, that I was not that kind of man,
that I needed time and space, and that I was... erm... saving myself. After a
few minutes... alright, to be honest it was hours... she... accepted that. And
then we went to sleep."
A moment of silence. The girls could be heard giggling on the other side of
the wall, and a few birds could be heard chirping, swapping the latest news.
Finally, Sol slowly held his arm back and whipped Ky in the back with the rat
tail with a silence-shattering snap. "Ow! What was that-"
"That was for getting so worked up over second base. For God's sake, kid, you
SERIOUSLY need to loosen up."
"You're just upset I listened to Kliff instead of you."
"...What the hell are you talking about?"
"Nothing," Ky shot back quickly as he turned away.
Chipp looked around for a moment, realizing something. "Wait a minute," he
said. "Where'd that weird-ass doctor go?"
His question was answered as someone shouted from high above: "CANNONBALL!"
Faust landed in the middle of the spring, causing a much smaller than expected
splash. Potemkin looked down at the water, which only barely came up to his
waist. "This water is only two and a half feet deep..." As he said this, Faust
floated to the surface face-down and his limbs hanging limp. The paper bag was,
miraculously enough, still dry.
"Is he dead?" Chipp said, leaning forward while poking him on the shoulder
with a stick.
Sol had retreated to the side of the spring, close to the wall. He could hear
the women chatting busily away on the other side as he leaned against the wall.
A small puff of smoke appeared over his left shoulder, and when it cleared a
tiny Justice was sitting there. Of course, this Justice had tiny horns at the
top of his head and a pitchfork dangled from one hand, but other than that it was
a perfect resemblance of the King of Gears.
Justice raised his head menacingly. "My mission... is genocide." Sol gave
him a curious look, and Justice shrugged. "Sorry. It's sort of my catch
phrase."
"What do you want?" Sol asked a bit angrily.
"Not what I want, but what you want. I mean... this wall isn't very high; I'm
sure a man of your strength could just lift himself up and..."
"Hold it right there!"
A puff of black smoke (or were they tiny bats?) appeared over Sol's right
shoulder. When it cleared, a tiny Slayer with angelic wings was hovering
there, sitting on his cape while puffing his pipe.
Sol raised an eyebrow. "Are you supposed to be that old man, or are you just
the good side of my conscience come down for a cheap gag?"
The winged Slayer puffed on his pipe, sighing. "I am not the proverbial 'angel
on the shoulder', nor am I actually your old acquaintance. I represent the
bad-ass side of your personality. And I say that this is quite juvenile
behavior for a man of your standing. I mean, come off it... you can't go for
a wide-eyed peek at female flesh like some love-starved geek in a teen movie.
Remember your image!"
Devil Justice folded his arms as it asked, "Have you SEEN what's on the other
side?"
Slayer responded quickly, "I know perfectly well what's there."
"So? That's not the same thing. Go check, then see what you have to say."
Winged Slayer shook his head as he flapped his wings, [eeling just over the
top of the fence. His face hardened suddenly, and he hastily ducked back out
of sight to land on Sol's head. He took a long, slow puff of his pipe as he
contemplated the situation. After a long pause he said, "... Fine, but you
have to look at them out of the corner of his eye, like you're not really
interested. That would look so very bad-ass."
"Gotcha," Sol mumbled as he found a good handhold on the fence and the two
winged chibis vanished in a puff of smoke. Just as he was about to lift
himself up, Johnny appeared at his side.
"No, no, no!" Johnny pushed him aside. "How dare you look at ladies like
that?"
Sol gave him a look. "Who's gonna stop me? You?"
Johnny shook his finger at him as he took up his sword with his other hand.
Sol had to blink, wondering just where he had pulled it from. Johnny
admonished, "Just watch..." He pulled the katana out of the sheath a tiny bit,
and white smoke began pouring out of it. Within seconds, both Sol and Johnny
were hidden from view.
Johnny replaced his sword in the sheath with a smile. "This is how it's done.
This way they can't see you. Honestly, you'd think you had never done something
like this before." Johnny peeked his head over the fence towards the women's
side, Sol joining him with a smirk on his face.
Ky watched them in disgust. "Spying on innocent maidens... the devil take
them for their debauchery!"
Chipp nodded. "For once, I agree with you. I hope something really bad
happens to them."
*****
Dizzy laid down at the side of the water, quietly resting with a towel around
her as Undine soaked in the water. Necro looked about as unhappy as usual,
arms crossed with an off-white blindfold covering his eyes. Dizzy addressed
him without opening her eyes, "I really appreciate this, Necro, and I'm sure
Undine does too. Just be patient a little while longer."
May had abandoned any attempt at washing up; her eyes were now focused squarely
on Baiken. She watched the samurai with wide-eyed and open-mouthed admiration.
Baiken eyed her warily, hoping for once that she was paying more attention to
her missing arm than what she thought she was looking at. "What are you staring
at?" she finally asked.
The young pirate blinked. "So big..." she whispered, entranced. She shook her
head quickly to bring herself to her senses. "I mean, you better stay away from
Johnny! He doesn't like mean girls!" She then turned away from her in huff.
Baiken raised an eyebrow at the brat. "Uh, sure. Whatever you say. Hey,
hair girl, come over here. I'll wash your back for you."
Millia had a towel wrapped around her chest that she clung to with a death
grip. Her face was somewhat flushed, although she was pretending not to be
bothered by it. "I... I am fine here... you don't need to..."
"First time in a Japanese style hot spring, is it?" Baiken asked with a smirk.
Baiken and May had their towels off to the side for later use. "Don't be so
ashamed. There's nothing you've got I haven't seen before."
"You don't have to rub it in!" Millia retorted. She caught her tongue and her
eyes widened. She then sank into the water up to her nose, thoroughly embarrassed.
Dizzy spoke up a little, "Um... excuse me... Undine says..."
Whatever Undine had said drove Necro over the edge. He whirled toward her
angrily, tearing off the blindfold and shaking his fist as a vein popped out
on his forehead. Dizzy gasped, and everyone turned toward her. Necro noticed
the position he was in, looking from the girls to the blindfold and then back
again. He got a slight blush on his cheeks, and started to rub the back of his
head while averting his eyes. The girls were seething, and were about to launch
an attack when...
SPLOOSH!
A large something landed right in the middle of the small spring. The girls
looked toward it, wondering what could have caused it. A few bubbles reached
the surface, followed by a loud splash as something broke the surface.
It was a blond haired man with a red bandana tied around his forehead. His
hair was long, as well as slightly ragged and unkempt. His denim jacket had
clearly seen better days, as the sleeves were torn off entirely. His jeans
had been cut short in a similar fashion, and many loose threads poked out
from where the tear had occurred. The style of dress was very old, but
unmistakable.
"AAAAH!" Axl Low took a deep breath as he pulled himself above water. "Oh,
bugger, now I'm all wet... Well, at least I got away from those crazy samurai.
But I wonder where I am now?" He looked up at his surroundings, he seemed to
be in some kind of hot spring. He was also being stared at by a horde of
glowing red eyes, belonging to several females with nothing but towels to
cover them (if even that).
He rubbed the back of his head, starting to get the feeling he might have been
better off with the samurai. "Ha ha ha... how awkward... Say girls, you
wouldn't mind giving me a little head start, would ya? I still have jet lag,
or something of the sort... please?"
His pleas went sadly unheeded. Within seconds they were upon him, delivering
a savage beating that could only come from women dealing with a letcher.
"AAAAAHHHH!" Dizzy screamed as Undine tried to cover herself and Necro gave Axl
a left hook.
"What are you looking at?" Baiken asked angrily as she kicked him in the
stomach, causing him to double over.
"Pedophile!" May screamed as she stomped on his head with both feet, sending
him face-first into the water.
"The men's side is over... there!" Millia said as her hair wrapped around Axl
and tossed him bodily towards the men's lake.
Sol and Johnny didn't react in time to dodge the human missile heading toward
them and they each caught a face-full of Axl. The three went flying backwards,
causing a large splash as they sank deep under the water. There was silence for
several moments. Finally, all three of the men floated to the surface, their
limbs hanging limply.
Ky sighed at the three bodies floating in the water. "Divine justice cannot
be avoided... they brought this upon themselves."
Venom got Potemkin's attention, and pointed toward the three. "Did you see
that? THAT is how a break is done." Potemkin's mouth made an "o" of
understanding.
Faust shook his head. "Ah, more patients. Folks in such a dangerous
profession always seem to come back again and again. Well, let's see...
other than a nasty bump on the head, I don't see any external injuries." He
paused threateningly as he pulled a rubber glove on up to his elbow. "I'd
better check for... INTERNAL injuries..."
Sol shot a fearsome glare at Faust. "Don't even think about it," he warned,
his threat dramatically less menacing due to the fact that his mouth was
half-submerged and caused bubbles to form with each syllable.
Faust paused a moment, then started to take off his glove. "Spoilsport," he
whined.
* * * * *
After Axl regained consciousness, the guests all agreed that Axl needed a new
wardrobe: his current clothes were not only beat-up, but soaking wet. Faust
suggested something he called "a Yatta leaf", but since no one knew what he was
talking about Johnny decided to take him aboard the Jellyfish and give him some
clothes they... found. Yes, found, that's the ticket. Definitely not stolen.
He was now wearing a long sleeve shirt under his denim jacket, in the style and
colors of the flag of Great Britain. His shorts were also gone, replaced by
long blue pants. Axl scratched his head as he asked, "You know, I really hate
to ask this, but... are you sure you've got nothing else in my size?"
Johnny shook his head. "Sorry, pal, that's it. Besides, I don't think it's a
good idea to change clothes... those have sort of become your trademark."
Axl blinked. "Trademark?"
May gave him the thumbs up. "Oh yeah! You've been wearing those for months!
I can't imagine you in anything else!"
"Months, you say? Smashing. Guess I'm going to be jumping around time for a
while yet, then..." Axl sighed as he examined his new threads once more.
"Nothing quite screams 'British' like a Union Jack emblazoned on your chest.
Well, better than nothing. Say, I'm feeling a bit peckish... when's lunch?"
* * * * * *
Teasing Ky: I know it seems like I have something against him, but in reality
he's just fun to pick on. He's actually one of my favorite characters!
Brainteaser answer:
Ky
/ \
Jam Baiken
| |
Johnny Anji
| |
May Chipp
| |
Dizzy Potemkin
| |
Millia (Potemkin)
| |
(Empty) Venom
| |
Faust (Empty)
| |
(Empty) Sol
| |
Testament (Empty)
\ /
(Empty)
Peeping Johnny: You have to admit, it's a pretty unique way to use Bacchus
Sigh...
Axl's outfit: Ever wonder why Axl had such a dramatic costume change between
Guilty Gear and Guilty Gear X? Well, wonder no more!
Next chapter: Well, it looks like Axl's decided to, um, drop in. Everyone
continues to settle in, but it looks like Sol and Ky have a few other things
to settle! Laughs! Education! Sol & Ky... VIOLENCE, that is! It's all
coming next time... because can it really be a Guilty Gear fic if the knight
and the rebel don't beat the hell out of each other at least once?