Disclaimer: If you think that I own LOTR and pokemon, you shouldn't really be reading this fic. Really. You shouldn't.

**NOTE ME!!**

Story will be put on hold until after Dec 19th. I'm moving soon; everything's going haywire!! Arrrgh!!!! _ Will continue writing if I can…just no updates once my comp gets shoved into its nice little cardboard box. *laughs evilly* That's for all those times it froze on me! At last! Revenge!!! XD

Chapter 3

Of Asho, and the Antagonistic Fellowship

Prior to the rather unfortunate release of the Dark Lord Sal-Mon, legendary pokemon with psychic abilities, such as Mewtwo and Lugia, had already been able to predict the occurrence of such a blundering accident. This valuable knowledge was, of course, not shared with anyone important so as to give the Still-Free Peoples an edge over Sal-Mon's pending conquest. No, it was used for something far more productive-a quick and easy source of previously unattainable goods.

"I can't believe this," The phoenix-like Ho-oh griped, forking over his collection of microwavable popcorn dishes, "two hundred years without so much as a tremor from the Lounge; Lugia makes a bet that Sal-Mon's coming back, and hey presto-he actually does…"

From the opposite end of the Burnt Tower, Lugia smirked with an air of professionalism, and regally stuck out his tongue at the irked fire pokemon. Needless to say, it was burnt a short while later.

"Legendaries!" The hobbled, bent old leader of the Wise Trio wheezed, as Lugia rose and made to power up an Aeroblast, "We are here to hold council; not kill each other!"

"We are?" Raikou leapt to his feet, "Why didn't you say so? I'm outta here," And with that, he turned and loped from the scene.

Several other Legendaries also seized the opportunity to make a hasty getaway. In the end, it was only Mewtwo, Suicune, Ho-oh and Lugia that were left. Mewtwo had challenged Suicune to a mental game of Battleship, hence their unawareness of the current scenario, and Ho-oh and Lugia were too busy attacking each other to pay attention to anything else.

"Well," An even knobbier member of the Trio ducked to avoid a stray Fire Blast, "I suppose we could still…get down to business,"

"Yes. Well," There was a brief pause while all three struggled to remember the cause of the meeting. Old age, coupled with stress and the clamor around them, was doing nothing to improve their amnesia. Eventually, Lance raised his bright green head from his copy of Elfish Haircare Secrets and decided to put them out of their misery.

"Queen Agatha, of the Elves of the Ignored Isle, requests that you send a group of legendary pokemon to aid Ash Ketchum in his search for the One Ring." He prompted. The Trio smiled, revealing jaws in various stages of toothlessness.

"Oh, yeah,"

A strange quiet fell upon the room. Ho-oh and Lugia had frozen on the spot (Ho-oh with his wings at Lugia's throat; Lugia with his tail embedded in Ho-oh's skull), and were staring at Lance as though he was evil's incarnate. Suicune suddenly became very interested in his paws, as Mewtwo blinked and silently digested the information.

The leader of the Trio nodded.

"We will need volunteers,"

Ho-oh pointed at Lugia. Lugia squawked in panic and pointed at Mewtwo. Mewtwo psychically assaulted Lugia with a wooden beam and redirected his indication towards Suicune, who shot an Ice Beam at the hazardous wing and froze it solid.

"Hm…since there are so few of you, I suppose that you could all go!"

It is said that the howl of protest still rings in the ears of Ecruteak's residents.

Ten minutes later, the four unfortunate additions to Ash's team found themselves crammed into a too-small meeting room aboard the previously ignored Ignored Isle. Lugia was nervously twitching his tail; Ho-oh wouldn't stop fanning his wings; and Suicune was sandwiched between a strange, spiky-haired teenager with crossed eyes, a ten-year-old with a neck brace, and a redhead who was talking to the wall. Mewtwo was wearing an expression which profoundly suggested that the next person who talked to him would never see the light of day again.

"Welcome one and all, to the Last Homely House of Johto," A voice wheezed. Seven pairs of eyes immediately turned to the source of the noise. A wrinkled old lady whom they had previously mistaken for a pile of unwashed laundry was beaming at the group with a face that was comparable to unkempt algae.

"Ahhh!!" Lugia grabbed onto Ho-oh; who launched forth a Fire Blast; which rammed into Mewtwo; whose eyes started glowing.

"Die, foolish mortals! The torpedo Magikarps rule above all!" The furious cat-like pokemon let loose a psychic blast which flattened the room and all its occupants in 0.000015 seconds flat.

"Ouch…" Suicune extracted his crest from Lugia's ribs. The three humans were flung backwards, landed on top of the grizzled bringer of dread, and were emotionally scarred for the rest of their lives.

"That was completely unnecessary," Lugia complained, restraining the seething Ho-oh from getting his claws on an irate Mewtwo.

"Yes. But it felt real good," Mewtwo folded his arms and looked supremely unconcerned as Ho-oh struggled against Lugia's grasp, his face a shade redder than usual.

"I'll kill him!"

"Yes, yes; I'm sure you will." Agatha pulled away from the horrified kids, who were huddled up in a corner, frozen with fear. "But before you do, I must ask you to cooperate."

"With them?" Lugia jerked a thumb-feather in the direction of the trio of trainers, who had now begun to suck their thumbs for comfort, "I'd rather polish Ho-oh's feathers for a month!"

The phoenix looked interested in spite of himself. "Really?"

"No,"

Agatha took out a gnarled old walking stick and proceeded to whack the two birds over the head. "Listen to the Elf Queen!" She hissed.

Lugia gingerly fingered the extra horn he had suddenly sprouted, while Ho-oh nodded at one of the numerous stars which had taken to spinning erratically around his head.

"Gotcha, Boss,"

Agatha made a noise in her throat which was reminiscent to that of a rabid Growlithe. "Ash!" She barked, and the boy looked up tentatively, further spraining his neck in the process. "Since you were the one who freed the wrath of Sal-Mon, you shall be the one to avert it! You shall lead the Fellowship on a search for the One Ring under the codename Asho, and must destroy it when you find it. The fate of all of Downtown Kanto rests on your shoulders, Asho Ketchums. Do not let us down."

Ash-or Asho, as he was formally known-stopped playing with his shoelaces long enough to mumble out, "But I like Tinky Winky…"

Agatha thwacked him soundly with her stick of doom and the boy stumbled to his feet.

"Right," The semi-concussed biped gurgled, "I am Asho!" He grinned maniacally, "And together, we shall catch them all!" He started to strike a victory pose, but froze upon catching sight of the glint in the Elf Queen's eye. "I mean…we'll stop Sausage…err-Sauna…I mean…what was his name again?"

Lugia, Ho-oh, Suicune and Mewtwo enjoyed a brief moment of unity, during which they shot each other meaningful looks and shook their heads slowly.

"We're doomed,"

~End fic~

Well; what do you think? Will the Fellowship survive their strife against Sal-Mon? Heck; will they even survive each other? It's doubtful…but one, can hope, ne? ^^

And Trekkie, you'll be making your appearance in the next chapter^^. Can you guess which character you're playing? I'll give you a box of Oreos if you figure it out! XD

Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Juz click on the lil blue button below. ^-^