Whack to the Future
A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic
Chapter Four – Doing It Old School
The security fence around the new car lot of Centerville Chevrolet was ten feet high; Jenny jumped it easily. She felt a bit like a criminal, sneaking around in the dark of night; but desperate times called for desperate measures. She needed a place to rest, but she didn't have any money, she didn't know anyone in 2004, and she wasn't about to go sleep out in the woods. She approached a large vehicle – the sticker in the window called it an 'SUV' – and deployed a skeleton key from her index finger. Seconds later, the door popped open, and Jenny snuck inside.
She fiddled with the seat, finally getting it to recline. Jenny tried to relax, but her mind kept replaying the conversation she'd had with her mother back in the lab. According to her mom, she and Sidney had worked together on a robot project to win a contest called the 'Robot Roundup'. Winning that contest sent her on her way to becoming one of the greatest robotics experts of the 21st century. Mom had made it sound like she and Sidney were just a pair of nerds doing science together –
That was, until Jenny had accidentally bumped into teenage Nora and Sidney, and found out that Sidney the computer geek was actually Sidney Wakeman. It might have been a coincidence – but how many Wakemans could there be in this town? I guess Mom must've been married at one time … after all, everyone calls her "Mrs." Wakeman. But is Mom is supposed to marry that guy? I just can't imagine my mom ever being interested … in boys! Ewghh, that's just so … so wrong! Yechh!
But what if it was supposed to happen – and Jenny had done something to prevent it? That could be a problem. It might be a good idea to check things out at the high school tomorrow. She leaned back, closed her eyes, and executed her "sleep" command.
But just before she powered down into sleep mode, she felt something strange; a faint vibration in the seat that started to grow. The whole SUV started to shake – in fact, all the cars and trucks in the lot were starting to shake. It felt as if a freight train had roared past the lot. Then a deep rumbling seemed to well up from the ground itself, and Jenny began to worry a bit – but the shaking only lasted a few seconds. Soon everything was peaceful again, and the robot girl was fast asleep.
Walking through the corridors of Centerville High School, Jenny almost felt like she was exploring an alien planet. In a lot of ways, everything was very similar, and it looked just like her own school back home in 2074. But it was the little differences that stood out. Everything felt weird. The old boxy style of the architecture made the school look like a giant warehouse. The colors were different, the signs were different – and some of the windows on the first floor actually had bars welded to them! I know every kid thinks of school as a prison but … that's ridiculous!
The hallways were plastered with signs and posters, some of which were comforting in their familiarity – "Spring Formal on Saturday", "School Fundraiser", "Big Game Friday!" But other posters were unlike anything she'd ever seen – like warnings not to bring drugs or weapons to school. And lots of posters telling students to Save The Earth by recycling cans and bottles. Pfft, when I have to save the Earth, I have to use laser beams. Oh, wait! I forgot … this is back before they solved the garbage problem.
The lunch bell rang, unleashing a mob of students into the halls. Jenny tried to look as ordinary as possible, clutching her mother's dropped textbook to her chest, and slipped in with the flow of students heading towards the cafeteria. Again, her thrift-box clothes drew odd stares from some people, but there were a lot of other girls dressed up even weirder: spooky, depressed girls all dressed in black; trendy girls wearing layers and layers of the latest fashion; some girls were wearing clothes that looked like they were painted on! And apparently, girls in the early 21st century like to show off their belly buttons. Well, at least nobody's freaking out at me.
"There's gotta be a thousand kids in this school," she moaned to herself. "Mom must be here somewhere, but I don't see any familiar faces …" Then her eyes sprang wide. "Whoa! I take that back!"
A short distance ahead of her, leaning back against a locker, was a tall, thin boy with spiky red hair. It's not possible … he looks just like Brad! Well, not just like Brad … he was wearing a loose-fitting basketball jersey over an extra-large T-shirt, and a pair of baggy jeans that were two sizes too large … in fact, they were actually drooping a few inches below his waist. She blushed … I can see his underwear!
The boy noticed Jenny staring at him, and gestured at her with two fingers. "Yo 'sup, shorty? Yeah, what you starin' at? You like what you see? 'Cause I gots the flava that the ladies savor."
Jenny blinked a couple of times. It sounds like English, but I have no clue what he's saying. "I'm sorry, you just really, really look like somebody I know. A friend of mine back home, named Brad."
"Hey, don't be dissin' me with my lame-o middle name." He thumped his chest with his fist. "The name is Tuck … T to-the U to-the C to-the K. But my homies call me T-Bone."
"Your name … is Tuck? And your middle name is Brad?" Jenny couldn't help but giggle. This must be one of Brad and Tuck's relatives – maybe even their grandfather! Oh wow, this is just so freaky!
T-Bone didn't appreciate the laughter. "Hey, hey, hey, what's the dizzle, shizzle? You can't be hatin' on a brotha's name like that!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry … look, maybe you can help me out. I'm just trying to find somebody. Do you know Nora Wakeman?"
"Can't says that I do," said T-Bone. "Only one Nora in this dump that I knows of. An egghead named Nora Smegglewyck. Lemme give you the 411 … she's probably at the back of the cafeteria, readin' her latest issue of Dork Digest or sumpin'."
"Uh … thanks, 'T-Bone'." Jenny walked into the cafeteria, shaking her head in disbelief. I sure hope everybody here doesn't talk like that, or I'm going to need a new language OS disk.
The cafeteria was bustling with the sounds of a hundred conversations going on at once. Students were getting their meals, gathering together at their usual tables with their circles of friends … it wasn't too hard for Jenny to imagine that she was back home at Tremorton High. She slowly scanned the room, relieved that the room noise was drowning out the whirrs and clicks of her motors. She called up an image of her teenage mother from yesterday's video memory, and activated her facial-recognition routines. A match … at the back of the cafeteria, just like T-Bone said …
"Oh, wow," gasped Jenny. There was the meek little girl with the long brown hair that she'd seen yesterday, sitting at a table all by herself. Her face was buried in a thick textbook, only looking up occasionally to shoot a nervous glance across the room. Jenny stood in a motionless stupor for a few seconds, blocking traffic in the doorway. It was all so surreal. Whenever she thought of her mother, she always saw her as authority figure; a glowering, all-business scientist-dictator. But now she was just an outcast teenage freak – not unlike herself.
Jenny quickly checked her wig to make sure it was on straight, and made sure the cuffs of her turtleneck were tucked into her gloves to cover her metal skin. Then she slowly made her way towards the tables at the back of the cafeteria, feeling more nervous with every step she took.
"Um … e-excuse me?" Jenny waved her hand to get her attention. "Is your name … Nora?"
"Huh? Wha?" Nora's head nervously popped out of her textbook.
"Nora … Smegglewyck?" Ugh, that's a mouthful!
"Yes … do I know you? Oh, right … yesterday, outside the electronics store."
Jenny gulped. "Right. I've been trying to track you down, to … um … give you back this textbook that you dropped on the sidewalk." Jenny held out the book on college-level electronics.
Nora smiled with a sigh of relief. "Oh, there it is! I thought it was gone for good … my mom was giving me major grief last night for losing it! It's kind of expensive. Thanks for bringing it back … uhh …"
"J-Jenny," she stammered, then wondered whether or not it was a good idea to use her real name. Too late now. "My name's Jenny – I'm sort of new in town. I just wanted to apologize again. I really feel bad for knocking you on the ground like that."
"Don't worry about it, Jenny," sighed Nora. "I probably would have found a way to screw things up myself, even if you hadn't come along." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she looked like she regretted speaking them. Nora nervously stuck her face back in her textbook.
I wonder what that's supposed to mean?!? "So … um … whatcha reading there, Nora? Some technical book on robots or something, I bet. Right?"
"Uh … sure, robots, whatever," she said, nervously – too nervously. "I guess you've already heard, then … I'm sort of the school's resident 'Science Queen'. Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I was just trying to read my textbook in peace, so if you don't mind ..."
Nora reached for her can of diet soda, but clumsily knocked it over. A gush of liquid splashed all over the tabletop. Panicking, she dropped the book she was reading and grabbed a handful of napkins, desperately trying to soak up the spill. Jenny grabbed the textbook to keep it from getting wet – but then she realized that there was something else inside of it. Nora hadn't been reading the science text. She'd been using it to hide a copy of … Seventeen magazine.
It felt as if the floor was going to drop out from under Jenny's feet. The open page had an article with its title highlighted in yellow marker – How to get that special guy's attention. Jenny cringed with disbelief. "You're … you're reading … you're reading a …"
Poor Nora was blushing beet-red as she mopped up the rest of the spilt cola. "Okay, okay, I'm busted," she sighed. "Look, please … just don't laugh at me, Jenny. If you promise not to tell anyone, I'll … I'll do your homework for a week. Okay?"
Jenny groped her way to the table, figuring she should sit down before she fainted. "Y-You don't have to do that – I won't tell anyone, honest. So you're … you're actually interested in a guy?" Jenny asked the question as if it were the most unnatural thing she'd ever heard of.
Still terribly red-faced, Nora didn't answer, but her eyes unconsciously shot a glance across the room. Jenny turned to see who she was looking at … and saw the tall, dark-haired boy from the Radio Shack.
"Sidney Wakeman? From the electronics store?" Jenny arched a confused eyebrow. "Why would you need to get his attention? Aren't you two already working together on that robot project?"
"Robot project? Working together? Where did you hear that? Sidney doesn't even know I'm alive," moped Nora. "In fact, I went over to that store yesterday, kind of hoping to ask him for help on my project. I spent all day working up the nerve to go in and talk to him … and I wound up flat on my scrawny butt. Oh, don't stress about it, Jenny. I was just kidding myself anyway … a nice guy like Sidney would never want to spend any time with an ugly bowser like me."
"Don't say that!" gasped Jenny. "You're supposed to work on that project together! I mean – you have to work on that project together!"
Nora gave Jenny a strange look. "Uh … excuse me? Why do you care, anyway?"
Jenny tried to calm down. Can't tell her the real reason. "Because … well, since I caused so much trouble yesterday, I feel like I need to make it up to you. Look, Sidney is sitting all alone, right over there. Why don't you go talk to him right now?" Yikes, I'm giving 'guy advice' to my own mother!
"Oh, no," said Nora, shaking her head. "You know what they say about first impressions. And Sidney Wakeman's first impression of me is of a pathetic dweeb sitting on the sidewalk with a red puffy face and a mutant banana nose dripping goop all over her sweater. It was – so – embarrassing. No, I can never, ever face him again. Gawd, I would just die!"
Uh-oh. This could be a little harder than I thought. "Don't be such a drama queen, Mom … er … I mean, Nora. I'll bet if you walked over to his table right now, he'd talk to you."
"What, right here and now?" Nora broke into a sarcastic chuckle. "Look, don't take this wrong way, Jenny, but that's easy for someone like you to say. Just look at you – you're tall and thin, with pretty hair and big beautiful eyes. Girls like you can have any guy they want."
Jenny slapped her forehead. Sigh … Mom, if you only knew. "Well, then … don't think of him as a guy, then. I mean, you're into science, right? So you're just a scientist going over to talk to another scientist about science junk. You could do that, right?
"Just a … scientist?" Nora swallowed hard, and snuck another look at Sidney, four tables away. Jenny fought the urge to pick her up and carry her over. She'd never seen her mother get flustered at anything before – yet here she was, tying herself up in knots over a guy! Almost as if – sigh, almost as if she were a normal teenage girl. Nora ran her hands through her long brown hair, then grabbed the napkin dispenser, grinning into the shiny finish. "Do I have anything in my teeth?"
"Your teeth look fine. Look, nobody's sitting in the seat across from him. Here's your chance!"
Nora steeled her nerves, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and got to her feet. She took a few deep breaths, straightened her glasses, and smoothed the wrinkles out of her plaid skirt. "Just one scientist to another," she whispered to herself. She started walking towards the empty spot at the table …
But just before she got there, another girl cut right in front of her. She was tall and slim, with short black hair, and wore an extremely fashionable stretch-top and capris pants that highlighted her feminine features. She barely acknowledged Nora, giving her the briefest of sneers that nonverbally said shouldn't-you-be-running-along-now? In every way, she was the beautiful swan to Nora's ugly duckling. Lowering her chin into her chest, Nora sped past the table, and briskly slunked towards the exit of the cafeteria.
No!!! Mom, don't run away … arghh, what lousy timing!!! Jenny grimaced to herself, then turned her attention to the attractive new girl that stood across from Sidney. She checked to make sure nobody was watching – then her eyes zoomed outwards a few inches, and she deployed a tiny parabolic dish from one of her fingers for eavesdropping. Darn it, if that girl hadn't walked up just then … wait a minute … there's something awfully familiar about her face …
"Why, hello … er, Sidney, isn't it?" Her voice swooned with a mild accent. "You know, I see you all the time around school and we just never get a chance to talk!"
Sidney's head shot up, and his thin pasty face blazed a brilliant red. "You're … you're talking to me?"
The girl rolled her eyes. "Hmmm, yes … believe it or not, it would appear that I am. Sidney, I understand that there's some sort of 'robot contest' scheduled for this Friday night. Am I right?"
Sidney was still blushing furiously. "Er … um … yeah, that's the big 'Robot Roundup' that the city's sponsoring. There's going to be kids from all over Centerville and the tri-county area."
The girl subtly moistened her lips. "Yes, I'm sure it'll be grand fun. Sidney, I'll cut to the chase … I'd like to be your team partner for this 'Robot Rhumba', or whatever it's called. All of this technology is just so very fascinating, and I would very much like to be part of it … with you, of course."
Jenny's jaw nearly dropped off her face. This girl was putting the moves on Mom's future husband … man, that is so hard to say! Poor Sidney was practically hypnotized by her feminine wiles. Say 'no', Sidney! Come on! Come on!
Sidney fumbled to brush a few crumbs off of his shirt. "Well … I-I-I've been working on my entry all by myself for months now … I didn't realize that you were even interested in robotics, Brooke."
Brooke reached up seductively, and smoothed out Sidney's collar. He was turning to putty in her hands. "Oh, there's a lot you don't know about me, Sidney," she purred. "And just to make things interesting … if you say 'yes', I'll go with you to Spring Formal next Saturday night. So are we a team, then?'
"S-s-sure!" he blurted. "Wow … uh … well, we should get together to work on my robot after school tonight, Brooke! Wow, who would believe it! Sidney Wakeman teaming up with Brooke Krust!"
Jenny had to grab onto the table to keep herself from falling over backwards. Krust!?! That's who Brooke looks like … she looks just like Brit! Oh, this is just so wrong!!! She watched, mortified, as Sidney stumbled away from the table and ran off with geekish excitement, possibly having just had the greatest experience of his life. This doesn't make any sense! Jenny certainly didn't know anything about Brooke Krust, but she sure didn't seem like the type of girl who'd be interested in building robots. Brooke was gorgeous … someone you'd expect to be dating quarterbacks, not science nerds.
She refocused her eavesdropping dish – another popular girl strode up to Brooke, apparently thinking the same thing. "Eww … Brooke, have you totally lost your mind? Are you seriously thinking of taking that Poindexter to the Spring Formal?"
"Of course not," laughed Brooke. "I'd get pimple cream all over my new dress from Paris. But if I get my name in that silly Robot Rumble with Sidney, it'll be good for enough extra credit to keep me out of summer school. Besides, all I need to do is give the little troll a wink and a wiggle every now and then, and he'll do all the work like a good little boy. Then on Saturday, I crush him like a bug." The girls shared an evil chuckle, and walked off together to the popular table.
With the faintest of whirrs, Jenny reeled in her eyes, retracted her dish, and slipped her glove back on. "Why that no-good she-devil," she grumbled to herself, "she's a Krust, all right!" So now what do I do? Heck, what can I do? She had to figure out a way to get some help for her mom, in time for that robot contest. Back in her lab, she'd told Jenny that she would never have won without Sidney's computer help. And on top of that, she had to figure out a way to get Sidney away from Brooke, and together with her mother, or else … I don't know what would happen, but it would probably be bad.
She leaned her chin on her hands with a soft clang, which nobody heard, fortunately. How am I ever going to fix everything in just three days? I need to find some help for Mom – but where am I going to find another braniac who knows all about computers? And is somebody I can trust?
"Excuse me?" squeaked a nasally voice. "Um … excuse me? Have you seen Nora anywhere?"
Jenny looked up … to be blown away by yet another familiar, pimply face. "Sh-Sheldon!?!"
The young boy pushed his greasy bangs out of his eyes, then wiped his hand clean on his black T-shirt, which was printed with the strange words All Your Base are Belong To Us. He looked almost exactly like Sheldon … except his hair was a bit longer in the back. "No … no, my name is Sherman. I'm looking for Nora. She usually sits here at lunch, and she was going to let me borrow one of her books …"
Jenny gasped. "You're Doctor Sherman Lee! From the university!" It's Sheldon's grandfather!
Sherman seemed to take it as a compliment. "Well, I am taking a few advanced placement courses at the university, but I'm a few years away from being 'Dr. Lee'," he chuckled, trying to sound as cool as possible. It wasn't often that anybody new sat in the back of the cafeteria at the 'nerd table', let alone a tall, attractive, dark-haired … heh-heh … girl. "So … what's your name?"
"I'm Jenny Wake- … er, just call me Jenny." She grabbed him by the T-shirt. "Sherman, you're like, a genius, right? Are you really good with computers and physics and robotics and stuff?"
A huge grin spread across his face. "Well, I don't like to brag, but … the word 'expert' does get tossed around."
"And you're good friends with my mo- … I mean, with Nora?"
"Well, I guess so. We're in all the enriched classes together, we're both in the chess club, and I see her every month at the Linux Users Group meeting." Sherman arched his eyebrows at her. "So … are you new around here? You must be – I'm sure I'd remember seeing somebody as beautiful as you."
Jenny moaned to herself. Well, now I know where Sheldon gets it from. But Sherman's clumsy attempt at seduction was giving her an idea. This was going to be a rather nasty trick, but Sherman could be just the type of person she was looking for.
Jenny tilted her head, giving the teenage geek a flirty glance out of the corners of her eyes. "Sherman, this is going to sound really, really strange, but I need your help with something very important. Nora is in big trouble. And I'm in big trouble. And I'm looking for a …" – she gulped, and turned on the charm – "… big, smart guy like you, who can help out a girl in need."
The bell rang to signal the end of lunch hour. "Rats, the bell! I have to get to class." Then Sherman leaned towards her, fluttering his eyelids. "But I always have time for a damsel in distress. Tell you what, maybe we can discuss this further after school. Say, over a refreshing double mocha cappachino?"
Jenny winced, staring into the familiar pasty-faced grin; all she could think was, I'm making a date with an eighty-five-year-old man! Gross! But I don't have a lot of choices … aughhhh … "Sure, that sounds … heh-heh … great, Sherman. See you after school."
Continued in Chapter Five