Disclaimer: Pinky no ownie

Chapter 5

Of The Entrance of Grandgolf and Sal-Mon's Moronic Band

Dawn assaulted itself upon the Poke-troopers with the abrupt insistence of a toothache. Sleepy, irritable, but determined, the party exited the soon-to-be-derelict motel, and imposed upon themselves the task of locating the elusive Grovel in such a large, vacant town.

"It's hopeless," Ho-oh moaned, narrowly avoiding walking into a 'You are 50 feet from Grovel' sign, "we're never going to find him!"

Sighing, Lugia pushed aside a copy of Grovel's driving license, which included a name, date of birth, current location, and favourite colour, and sat down. "I suppose you're right…"

Suicune collapsed to the ground in a heap, right over an intricate pattern of suspicious-looking slimy footprints. "All is lost!"

Stantler was crouched nearby, examining a set of Psyduck tracks with interest. "This seems to be the correct way!" He exclaimed with gusto, jolting the Troopers to their feet. "Quick! They are fresh; we might be able to catch up with him!"

Mewtwo's eyes took on a bluish glow, and Ash instinctively ducked. "My psychic sense tells me that we will meet nothing but trouble by following these tracks," He warned. Ho-oh rolled his eyes.

"Since when has your 'psychic sense' ever been right?"

The Troopers followed the excited Stantler without further objection, and soon found themselves embedded in cement-like quicksand that reached their waists.

"Not right, huh?" Mewtwo growled. Ho-oh grinned sheepishly. Stantler ignored the rather distracting slurping noises, and wrinkled his brow in thought.

"In times like this," He said wisely, "there is only one possible solution."

"There is?" All turned to him, suddenly hopeful.

"Yes." The Ranger opened his mouth, and took in as great a breath as he could. "HELP! SOMEONE!! ANYONE! SAVE US!!"

Had they not been immersed in consuming black muck, Ho-oh would have trounced him. Ash, eyes widened in surprise as he sampled the mess, quickly latching on to the plan.

"I can do that!" He happily proclaimed. He then proceeded to emit a series of nerve-wracking screeches that put Misty to shame, stopping only when Lugia shoved his head beneath the surface. Stantler had frozen in mid-yell, apparently too stunned to continue. Brock's teeth had been gritted so hard that they splintered, and Misty's eyes rolled up into her head. Mewtwo lapsed into the contemplative silence that usually occurs when one files away a horribly effective torture devise for later use.

"This is all very good," Suicune said in distress, "but how do we get out of here? I can't let this stuff touch my crest!"

Ho-oh muttered something incoherently; his beautiful plumage had already been tainted. But just in their most dire hour, when all vestiges of personal grooming bordered the line of destruction, a miracle occurred, as it so often does when the party involved is meant to bring about the salvation of life as we know it.

A rather elderly wizard wandered past, intent on stopping by the mart to pick up some Pokechow for lunch. He whistled cheerily, the cellophane stapled to his shirt resonating with magical light. Then, as if by some preordained sign, he tripped on a bloated purple Ponyta, slid down a hill, and ended up at the very edge of an ominous pit of sand into which eight entities were being absorbed. He stood there for several moments, fumbling with the glasses on his long nose to make sure they were not just specks of dust (that had happened the previous week. Very nasty business), when a shout of "Help us already!" finally tweaked his ancient form into action. Gripping his trusty golf club firmly, the wizard waved it at the feasting sand, which immediately spluttered and retched, spewing the eight luckless tragedies from its throes and into a patch of poison ivy nearby. Smart pokemon like Lugia and Mewtwo were able to kick their levitation abilities into gear before they hit home. And the others? Well, let's just say it was not a pretty scene.

"Enlighten me again," Ho-oh winced as he fingered a large red welt on his beak. "Why are you a Ranger?"

Stantler scratched his neck and groaned. "I am well-versed in the art of natural lore and wandering and tracking and-argh! It itches!"

Ho-oh nodded glumly. "That's what I thought…"

Lugia-try as he might (which he didn't) -was unable to keep the smug expression from his face, thus adding several burn wounds adding to the already growing list of afflictions.

Our dear travelers soon discovered the identity of their mysterious saviour. He went by the name of Grandgolf, an experienced golfer who was cut off from the Pewter national team when he sent a ball flying into Mount Moon by accident, tripping a land mine and blowing away a third of the Clefairy population that resided there.

"Never has anything so dire happened before," The Mayor had said, tears filling his round, wet eyes, "how on earth could you have made such a grave mistake, when the Pewter Gym was no less than three meters to the right?"

And so, disgraced and offended, the fallen golfer proceeded to renounce his club membership, and picked up the dying trade of magic from a traveling aromatic gypsy.

"Really?" Suicune sounded genuinely interested, as Lugia, now thoroughly bored, amused himself by transforming Ash into a splitting image of a raspberry pie. Grandgolf nodded.

"Yes, really," He chuckled, "just watch this!"

And with that, he made a pass with the club. A shower of confetti burst rather feebly from the end, fluttering briefly before drifting to their miserable demise. Ho-oh yawned very widely and obviously.

"Let's get going," Mewtwo said, finally coming to the conclusion that idiocy was, in fact, an incurable affliction, and one best left to its own devices. Stantler grinned broadly, and firmly linked his arm with Brock's.

"Righto!" He yelled happily, "Let's get a move on then! Nothing shall keep us from getting that pesky Grovel, and the Ring!"

At which the sky suddenly blackened, and a vast rumbling filled the air like an ear-splitting clanging of pots.

"A bit loud for a thunderstorm, isn't it?" Ho-oh looked around nervously. Lugia nodded in agreement, looking very disconcerted. Mewtwo narrowed his eyes.

"That's no thunderstorm…"

Stantler, suddenly seriously, knelt to the ground with a set of compasses and a set square, and noted the rate at which the oh-so interesting pebbles and other such particles of dirt were jumping in accordance with the almighty disturbance. "Well…" He said, jotting down a few quick calculations in a heart-covered pink notepad, "Unless I am very much mistaken, this foretells the coming of nine cloaked and alcoholic strangers, who are riding our way on the backs of nine very disgruntled Jigglypuffs, carrying the one called Grovel, and feeling very pleased about it-"

He was rather rudely interrupted, however, by the coming of nine cloaked and alcoholic strangers, riding on the backs of nine very disgruntled Jigglypuffs, carrying the one called Grovel, and feeling very pleased about it.

"Oggly boogly boo!!" The eerie call rang through the ears of all present, as they hurriedly squeezed against trees and rocks to avoid an untimely demise. By the sound of it, the Riders were borne by their steeds in menacing leaps that would certainly crush anyone unfortunate enough to be left in their path.

"Oh my gosh! Ash!" Suicune suddenly remembered the antics of Lugia; but a fraction of a second too late, for at that moment, their was a horrible squish as the ten-foot, red-eyed Jigglypuffs bounded by, foaming at the mouths and reciting verses of Shakespeare in between shrieks. The company had a brief glimpse of a blur of black and pink, and an unwanted view of Grovel being yanked in their wake.

"Precioussssss! Preeeecioussss!!!" The horribly deformed creature whined, before being hurled violently against a tree trunk as the Riders veered off to the left and out of sight. "PRECIOUS!"

"What did he say?" Stantler asked a disgusted-looking Mewtwo, but the pokemon merely shook his head.

"You don't want to know…"

"He said 'precious'," Ho-oh snapped impatiently, "What's so wrong about that?"

Mewtwo shot him a sharp look, and the phoenix quickly blinked to avoid being impaled. "That's the only word he can say. But it's not the only thing he means. Get it?"

Personally, Ho-oh couldn't see what was wrong with the word 'fu-

"Do you think it's safe to go check on Ash now?" Suicune asked.

Ho-oh, only half-listening, still couldn't see the downside of openly saying 'fuc-

"Well yes," Came a second tactful interruption, this time provided by Stantler, "they should be long gone by now."

Ho-oh finally gave up trying to complete his train of thought, and looked over at the crushed pie, whose sweet red sauce was flowing freely under the scraps of crumbs left behind. "Pastry road kill…"

"We should leave him." Mewtwo said firmly, "I'm sure that the inhabitants of this pathetic town would love to feast upon his remains. It would be the-err-generous thing to do,"

"Right. And the fact that you hate him has nothing to do with it?" Lugia rolled his eyes as Mewtwo made a private note in his diary to personally maim him later.

"The turkey has a point," Grandgolf said, at which Lugia promptly self-combusted out of rage, "the Riders will no doubt hear about your quest to obtain the Ring, and will seek to cruelly capture and torment the leader of this group to prevent you from doing so."

Mewtwo pause a moment to consider, then shrugged and spoke with a small smile. "Well, who am I to challenge their will?"

Suicune shuddered and asked, "But what were those horrible creatures?"

Grandgolf looked grim. "They are the Nosegrill; the Ring-Wrappers; slaves to the Ring and the Dark Lord. They were Gym Leaders once, bur alas, the arm of our enemy is long, and the allure of free caramel puffs simply too enticing to the greedy minds of men. Now they are but drones; miserable, cavity-stricken walkers of the netherworld. We will find no aid from them."

"Gee…did you figure that one out before or after they tried to squash us?" Lugia said grumpily, "Some all-knowing wizard you are,"

"Yeah," Grandgolf blushed modestly at the comment, "isn't it great that I've decided to join you and help you complete your quest with my vast pool of knowledge?"

"I think it's great that after this, you'll be able to retire on your pension," Ho-oh said glumly, "at least one of us has a sure future."

~End fic~

Wheeee!! I'm having fun, are you having fun? I'm having fun! XD Okok…for those of you who haven't read my pointlessly updated stats page thingy, I've started a new school. Longer hours, crueler workload-you get the pic ne? Which means that I HAVE to finish this fic before I get swarmed! HAVE to, HAVE TOO!! Must must must, my precioussssss…*laughs inanely* Yeah well…just so you know…Oo;;;

Also, a great big THANK YOU to all my reviewers! There seems to be a sudden popularity with pixie sticks all of a sudden though…Oo; Ah well…^^ *hands out a whole bunch randomly* Knock yourselves out! XD Hmm…Trekkie takes over the realm of Johto…*makes a mental note* Now there's a new idea! I could do something about that mmhmm yep I could! XDXD

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