Chapter Seven: Lily and Severus
"Come on...come on..."
That's all it took for me to fall for Severus. Its the fact that he called me, I didn't have to go chasing after him playing mind games like I always had to do with James. He's always there, unlike Kaleb who finally found the use of his knob and completely forgot me in the process.
I never told anyone what I did with Severus or about Severus at all. All they knew was that I was with him, they didn't know about dates, hangouts and definitely not his constant addiction to anything that made him feel better.
We didn't talk about it: It was just understood. No one bugged me, so I never mentioned it and I know Severus wouldn't have wanted me to so I just leave it at that.
I found my own little place in Severus life, to tell you the truth, I enjoyed it. He was always there for me and he listened to me. Lately not a lot of people did anymore.
The next Monday, after classes, I walked outside the castle to find Severus standing against the wall waiting for me. He leaned against the wall smoking a fag. I hadn't asked him to wait for me. But there he was.
"Oh my gawd." Star said as we came to the main doors. She and Sirius had made up and exchanged "friendship rings." She kept flashing hers around, wanting everyone to ask about it. "What is he doing here?"
"I told you Lily had a big weekend." Ash said slyly, poking me in the side. I'd told only her about Severus and me, and as much as she wanted us both to go out with types like Sirius, she loved the idea of me with Severus. It was just forbidden and wild enough to appeal to her.
"That was him you were talking about?" Star asked incredulously. Outside, Severus flicked his fag and turned around, leaning his head back to look up at the gray November sky. "I mean, Lily, he's..."
"He's what?" Cami asked, as a pack of quidditch players crossed between us and Severus, running. They were all blonde or dark-haired, tall and athletic, moving in perfect synchronicity. When Severus came back into view he was watching them pass, with an expression I couldn't make out on his face, "Tell us what he is, Star."
"Well," Star started, lowering her voice and brushing her hair back, "Besides not only just being in Slytherin, he's been in trouble. I've heard some stories, that's all. Like with the Ministry. I mean I have a friend in Ravenclaw, and she said..."
"If it was Elissa, we all know it was rubbish." snapped Ash.
But I wasn't even listening, already pushing through the doors into the cold air. Severus stood up from where he was leaning when he saw me. He had told me himself about his "long stories," and I didn't care.
That first week, whenever I thought about him, I remembered talking to him the first time, how accussive I sounded and snobby. Now I have a piece of Severus and I'd hold it close to me. That fall, I struggled leaving my friendship with Kaleb behind once and for all, and Severus was just what I needed.
From the day one, Severus was suddenly just there. He took me to my Common Room every day, he came to hang out with me at lunch and take me outside to eat with him, owl post me every night-usually more than once- and made sure I slept right, which was odd. On Quidditch games or practices, he'd come with his friends to hang out, stand by the bleachers and watch the game in silence, smoking cigarettes waiting for it to be over so I could go with him somewhere.
We never really went on "dates," exactly: With Severus, it was all about being in motion. Going from party to party, place to place. Sometimes I stayed in this muggle vehicle he says his father jinxed, it either stays in the Forbidden Forest or in Hosgmeade; but more often now I came in and was introduced. To the graduated Hogwarts guys living in a shack with a huge Sex Pistols poster to the witch who lived in the trailer and her little boy, Bennett, who sat quietly on the floor.
Sometimes I missed just hanging out with my friends in our Dormitory just sitting there as I criticized Cami and Ash for little things like hair styles and choices of wardrobe. I even missed following James every now and then to bother him about his art.
"So what do you guys do, anyways?" Ash always asked me. Her secret boyfriend which she refused to mention or name was the kind of date guy-- they were always going out.
"I don't know," I told her. "We just hang out."
That was the only way I could describe it. Most of the time spent with Severus was in the car, him sitting me in his lap in his room, his fingers spread across my knee. He'd always have a chocolate milkshake waiting for me when we were in there, he already knew were my favorite or we would go to the lake and listen to the muggle-jinxed radio he had.
Severus liked classic rock. Pink Floyd, his favorite, depressed the hell out of me. So whenever he left me alone with the radio I'd change it to a station with the Sex Pistols and Ruby X.
"Oh my Gawd," he said to me once as he sat next to me. "What is this shit?"
"Number one in the country." I told him smugly, as he changed it back to his funeral march.
"That's music."
"No." I told him, hitting another button. "This is."
But it wasn't. Instead, it was some woman singing about dandruff control.
"Nice," he said, snapping his fingers as if it was just so catchy. "Better than most of the stuff you listen to."
"Shut up." I said, rolling my eyes. "I don't even know why I like you."
"Yes, you do." he said turning his head to look at me.
"I do?"
"Yeah." he smiled at me. "It's the hair."
Everyone worried about me going out too much, until James finally confronted me when I was heading up stairs.
"What are you doing?" James asked walking up to me after I crept into the common room.
"I'm about to go to bed." I answered back moving around him.
"Wait Evans...I mean with him." James tried again to walk in front of him.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I said getting rather annoyed.
"Evans, you haven't been here like this whole month. We haven't seen you or heard from you in awhile, everyone misses you. The worst part is your disappearing for someone like him."
"Why do you suddenly care?" I asked calmly.
"You're my friend, I care about you. I want you to be safe; you don't know Snape all that well love." James said putting his hand on mine.
"Look James, you know nothing about relationships or about Severus. You don't know him at all." I said wrapping my arms defensively.
"I know plenty about him love." James said blocking my way. "Listen to me Evans, Snivelly isn't the guy for you, if you don't listen to me now, and you'll have to see the hard way."
"Sod off."
Within a week after my conversation with James I'd stop going to the Quidditch practices and eating with the Gryffindor House. We'd walk beside my friends in the halls, outside etc. They were laughing, telling jokes, holding hands. When Sev and I sat by the lake we'd see them across the lake. Star and Sirius were holding hangs making out other times it was Ash and her new boyfriend Regulus (Black) sitting making out and Sirius was no where to be found, Andréa and Cami talking to Remus and James sat there sketching on a piece of paper. Occasionally one of them would look over here and wave, it was never Cami or James to wave though.
"Gawd, they're all staring," I said to Severus the first time it happened. "I don' even want to know what they're saying."
"Why do you care?" he said, looking away. "They're a bunch of buggers. I don't know why you'd want to hang out with them anyways."
That was Severus, or so I was learning. He divided the world coolly into black or white, no grays or middle ground. People were cool or wankers, situations good or bad. My friends, and my life at school, consistently fell into each of the latter. His friends were older, more interesting, and, most importantly, not James friend. When we'd bump into Ash or Cami or anyone else who I usually hung out with, it was always awkward. They'd want me to stay, pulling up a spot. But Severus was always impatient, finishing whatever business he had and heading straight to the nearest exit, making it clear he was ready to go.
Whenever Severus trashed them I didn't know what to say. I wasn't even sure why I'd hung out with them. It had sort of just happened, like everything else in my life. Now, with him, I finally felt like I was making my own choices.
I got to the Dormitory after a cold mid-November day, I was getting sick and Severus sent me back to the Dormitory. I found it oddly empty. There was a white tawny barn owl waiting at the window seal.
It dropped an envelope at my feet, it was from my mum.
I ripped it opened, most likely it was a letter telling me that she was going to expect me home this vacation.
Dearest Lily,
We know just how much you've been dying to see us for your Christmas Break this year, well sorry to disappoint you, but Steven and I don't think you should visit this time.
Petunia has gotten engaged just only last month with a wonderful accountant named Vernon Dursly. Petunia and I have much planning to do this month and it's not like you'd be a stone in our shoe but it would be awkward leaving you home all the time, by yourself. Do not fret love; the wedding isn't until of next year so you have little to worry about. Please come visit us for the holiday of Easter, we will be expecting you then.
With Much Love and Compassion,
Mum, Steven and Petunia 3
I crumpled the letter in my hand and through it out the window. Great, they don't want me for summer and now they don't want me for Christmas either. Who am I suppose to spend Christmas with now? I've never spent it here and I don't want people thinking that something's wrong because then rumors spread.
The cold air came in through the opened door, I wasn't planning on writing back because I already knew exactly what happened, Steven and Petunia brainwashed her into making me stay here, and mum liked my company. It's them who ruined everything...
Without any control or realization tears were running down my cheeks, tiny bitter salty streams were going down my face dripping off my chin onto my shirt.
"Lily, is that you?" said a voice from the door. It was Lena. She could remember that husky voice from anywhere.
I nodded, too teary eyed to speak.
"What's wrong?" Lena asked sitting next to me putting her hand on my knee.
I sniffed, "My mum doesn't want me."
"I want you though." Lena said with an arm around me. "We want you Boo."
I looked at her and laughed loudly, "I remember that nickname...you gave me that one in fourth year."
Lena nodded and smiled, "Yes back then you were my 'ittle Boo Bear."
"Wonder what ever happen...." I said wiping the tears from my eyes
"You started hanging out with prats." I looked up and inwardly cringed, Ash was standing in the door way. Oh how she was most likely going to reem me for blowing her off for the past month.
But instead of even looking at me she walked over to her trunk and sat on it.
"You're not the only one whose parents have blown you off for the holidays." She said waving a piece of parchment in her hand. "Mine have also. Not very surprising, it's not like I spend anytime with them anyways..."
"What was their excuse this time?" said Lena
Ash looked at her and gave a small sneer before answering, "I wouldn't know, I don't read that far anymore."
"Yea, well we all know what it's like to feel unwanted." Lena stated
"Oh, bloody fantastic, let's all go start a pity party." Ash sneered
"Fc off Ash. Stop acting like you're a bloody misunderstood youth." Lena snapped taking her arm away from Lily and standing up.
"Like you don't?" Ash sneered again. Lena glared at her. "You off with that- -that--poor excuse for a human being, Malfoy, and when you're with us it's like we don't understand you or something!"
"Wait--you're with Lucious?" I asked.
"She has been this whole time! You are so bloody blind now that you're with that git! You never have time for us!"
"Well sorry for spending time with some I like instead of you, Ashtyn!"
"Then what are you doing up here? Did precious Severus tell you to come up here for sake of appearances, so the both of you can go snog later?"
"Why don't you stop ragging on us just because you cant get a decent guy that likes you Ash!" Lena yelled
"Oh yes and a decent guy that likes me, is one that will shag me every night, then?"
Lena looked as if she was ready to lung at Ash, "Don't even-"
"Ooh, did I touch a nerve, love?" Ash crossed her arms and sat on the corner of the bed.
I looked at her and said, "Sod off."
"I don't need an invitation, I'm already leaving."
"Well not if I leave first." That was mature. I got up and left.
I didn't know where I was going, and quite frankly I didn't care, just as long as I got there.
There, turned out to be the Astronomy Tower. T'was as good a place as any to be alone and smoke a fag or two, Severus got me into the habit of smoking if it wasn't for him I'd still be preaching; and a great place just to sit and look out at the lake or to watch people as they scurried along across the Grounds.
"Ah, it's great to be alone." I said aloud to myself, taking a long puff of my cigarette. Looking down, I saw two familiar heads sitting down by the lake under the birch tree, it was Cami and Ash. They looked to be doing more or less the same as I, just chilling out, trying to escape from the hustles of the world. I felt a pang of guilt, I missed them. I missed doing all the stupid little things we use to do, from discussing all the Marauders personality faults down to passing stupid little notes during class. Oh, how I wanted to go down and apologize right now for being a complete and total prat, but they would never accept it. After awhile Ash would finally breakdown and forgive me, but it would take something much more then an apology for Cami to forgive me.
"Beautiful day, don't you think?" I turned around it was James.
I turned back around; I didn't want to talk to him, not after we had that blow the other day.
"You know, smoking kills." He said smiling softly.
"So does being thrown off the Astronomy Tower. Why don't you leave me alone, I don't need a hypocrite hanging around me." I snapped
James looked away from me, out to the lake, as if he were trying to cast about for a topic that wouldn't result in getting his head bitten off.
"I heard that your parents didn't want you over for the holidays."
"From where? Under your Invisibility Cloak."
"Nah, you and Harris can yell pretty loud sometimes."
"Yeah, so what if my parents don't want me over for the holidays, what is it to you?"
He shrugged, "Nothing, it's just nothing to get worked up over, really. All they do is kiss you, say how they've missed you, and ask what you've been doing and everything. Quite mushy and disgusting really; do you mind?" he said picking up my pack of fags.
"I thought you said smoking kills?"
"Yes well, I was only following the advice you gave me before."
I snorted, as he lit his fag with the tip of his wand.
"How's Severus?"
"How's Joseline?"
James smirked at me, "To shay."
"So, what brings Mr. Potter up to the Astronomy Tower, I wonder."
"What brings Ms. Evans up to the Astronomy Tower, I wonder." James said raising his eyebrow at me.
"I asked you first."
"I asked you second."
"Oh, real mature, Potter." I said trying to withhold my grin.
"So, is Ms. Evans going to tell me or not?"
"No, Ms. Evans is not going to tell Mr. Potter anything, until Mr. Potter tells Ms. Evans why he came up here in the first place."
"Mr. Potter politely declines Ms. Evans request, and politely states that the lady should have her say first."
"Fine, Potter. I came up here because I just wanted to be alone." I snorted, "And we can all see how that plan worked out."
James looked down guiltily for a moment.
I grinned to see him in somewhat discomfort. "So Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans has given her reason for being up here, now what is yours?"
James blushed, "Well, I don't really have one I guess...I just followed you up here..."
"Oh, so you're my stalker now, I see." I lifted in mock interest and grinned, "I guess I'll just have to figure out how to get rid of you."
It had started to rain after a few moments of silence with James. He seemed to interested in the clouds to retort or continue with another mature argument. I stood up and bent down to grab my backpack and jacket.
"Wait-" he said. His corduroy jacket was damp and musky from the rain beating hard overhead. His hair was curling slightly. He looked pretty cute; never ask me to repeat out loud.
"What?" I slung by backpack over my shoulder, glancing at the doors that led to the outer Astronomy Tower. I was hoping for anyone of my friends to stop this inevitable discussion I was about to have with saltine-esque James. "I'm already done with my fags Jamey, my packs empty. No reason to be here."
James cleared his throat uncomfortably and said, "Yea but I wanted to know how've you been?"
"Um, good." I said, taking a step closer to the door and glancing -hint, hint- at my watch. "I really should-"
"So what happened that night, at Hogsmeade?" he asked me suddenly, I felt so uncomfortable, I didn't even have a fag.
"You left me, end of night." I said bitterly.
"And then you leave with that guy." The way he said it Severus could have been some infectious disease involving pus, boils, and graphic bodily functions. "I mean, what was that all about?"
"It's not really your business," I said. "James you're my friend, not the caretaker of my business. And it's late, I really should-"
"Lily, I miss you." James blurted. "I miss you annoying the hell out of me, everyone misses you. I miss you."
I looked at him blankly, that was the first time he greeted me with my name. I took a step back, I mean, what else was I suppose to do?
"Who misses me?"
"Everyone."
I felt a gush of guilt rush to my head, I hadn't realize how much time I was spending with Severus and not with the rest of them, "I'm leaving."
"Wait," he said, reaching out and grabbing me by the arm. I looked down at his fingers, spread over the fabric of my shirt, and then up at his face. "Listen to me. I'm just trying-"
"Let go," I said trying to pull away.
"Just hold on." He gripped me harder, his fingers pulling at the fabric. "Listen." The rain was hitting hard now, so loud I almost didn't hear the door banging open in front of me.
Severus was standing there. His hair wet, dripping down into the shiny wet floor, and his jeans and jacket were damp and dark, as dark as his eyes.
James dropped my hand quickly.
"Lily," Severus said. I cold barely hear him above the rain. But even as he spoke, he wasn't looking at me; his eyes were on James. "What's going on?"
"Hey Snivellus, care to join us?" James said boldly. "We were just talking here, well; we were till your big nose decided to intrude."
"Come on," I said pulling on his arm, trying to get him to leave with me.
"Hang on a moment; I want to have a chat with ol' Snivelly here."
"Come on." I said dragging him out of the Tower and back to the Common Room
"What's up with you?" James said as he looked down coolly to my aggravated face.
"What's with you?" I glared at him "You follow me up here trying to act all sympathetic and understanding, but then when Severus shows up, you turn in to a-a-"
"A prat?" He sighed "Look I'm sorry. It's just that me and Snape, well, we've just never gotten along, I don't think we ever will."
James' eyes softened, "Look, Lily-"
"Forget it. I don't want to hear your load of cobblers. Save it for another rainy day because this one has ended." and with that I left him and walked into the Girls Dorm.
A/N- Finally, right? Well special thanks to my buddy Ash who wrote some of it!!
"Come on...come on..."
That's all it took for me to fall for Severus. Its the fact that he called me, I didn't have to go chasing after him playing mind games like I always had to do with James. He's always there, unlike Kaleb who finally found the use of his knob and completely forgot me in the process.
I never told anyone what I did with Severus or about Severus at all. All they knew was that I was with him, they didn't know about dates, hangouts and definitely not his constant addiction to anything that made him feel better.
We didn't talk about it: It was just understood. No one bugged me, so I never mentioned it and I know Severus wouldn't have wanted me to so I just leave it at that.
I found my own little place in Severus life, to tell you the truth, I enjoyed it. He was always there for me and he listened to me. Lately not a lot of people did anymore.
The next Monday, after classes, I walked outside the castle to find Severus standing against the wall waiting for me. He leaned against the wall smoking a fag. I hadn't asked him to wait for me. But there he was.
"Oh my gawd." Star said as we came to the main doors. She and Sirius had made up and exchanged "friendship rings." She kept flashing hers around, wanting everyone to ask about it. "What is he doing here?"
"I told you Lily had a big weekend." Ash said slyly, poking me in the side. I'd told only her about Severus and me, and as much as she wanted us both to go out with types like Sirius, she loved the idea of me with Severus. It was just forbidden and wild enough to appeal to her.
"That was him you were talking about?" Star asked incredulously. Outside, Severus flicked his fag and turned around, leaning his head back to look up at the gray November sky. "I mean, Lily, he's..."
"He's what?" Cami asked, as a pack of quidditch players crossed between us and Severus, running. They were all blonde or dark-haired, tall and athletic, moving in perfect synchronicity. When Severus came back into view he was watching them pass, with an expression I couldn't make out on his face, "Tell us what he is, Star."
"Well," Star started, lowering her voice and brushing her hair back, "Besides not only just being in Slytherin, he's been in trouble. I've heard some stories, that's all. Like with the Ministry. I mean I have a friend in Ravenclaw, and she said..."
"If it was Elissa, we all know it was rubbish." snapped Ash.
But I wasn't even listening, already pushing through the doors into the cold air. Severus stood up from where he was leaning when he saw me. He had told me himself about his "long stories," and I didn't care.
That first week, whenever I thought about him, I remembered talking to him the first time, how accussive I sounded and snobby. Now I have a piece of Severus and I'd hold it close to me. That fall, I struggled leaving my friendship with Kaleb behind once and for all, and Severus was just what I needed.
From the day one, Severus was suddenly just there. He took me to my Common Room every day, he came to hang out with me at lunch and take me outside to eat with him, owl post me every night-usually more than once- and made sure I slept right, which was odd. On Quidditch games or practices, he'd come with his friends to hang out, stand by the bleachers and watch the game in silence, smoking cigarettes waiting for it to be over so I could go with him somewhere.
We never really went on "dates," exactly: With Severus, it was all about being in motion. Going from party to party, place to place. Sometimes I stayed in this muggle vehicle he says his father jinxed, it either stays in the Forbidden Forest or in Hosgmeade; but more often now I came in and was introduced. To the graduated Hogwarts guys living in a shack with a huge Sex Pistols poster to the witch who lived in the trailer and her little boy, Bennett, who sat quietly on the floor.
Sometimes I missed just hanging out with my friends in our Dormitory just sitting there as I criticized Cami and Ash for little things like hair styles and choices of wardrobe. I even missed following James every now and then to bother him about his art.
"So what do you guys do, anyways?" Ash always asked me. Her secret boyfriend which she refused to mention or name was the kind of date guy-- they were always going out.
"I don't know," I told her. "We just hang out."
That was the only way I could describe it. Most of the time spent with Severus was in the car, him sitting me in his lap in his room, his fingers spread across my knee. He'd always have a chocolate milkshake waiting for me when we were in there, he already knew were my favorite or we would go to the lake and listen to the muggle-jinxed radio he had.
Severus liked classic rock. Pink Floyd, his favorite, depressed the hell out of me. So whenever he left me alone with the radio I'd change it to a station with the Sex Pistols and Ruby X.
"Oh my Gawd," he said to me once as he sat next to me. "What is this shit?"
"Number one in the country." I told him smugly, as he changed it back to his funeral march.
"That's music."
"No." I told him, hitting another button. "This is."
But it wasn't. Instead, it was some woman singing about dandruff control.
"Nice," he said, snapping his fingers as if it was just so catchy. "Better than most of the stuff you listen to."
"Shut up." I said, rolling my eyes. "I don't even know why I like you."
"Yes, you do." he said turning his head to look at me.
"I do?"
"Yeah." he smiled at me. "It's the hair."
Everyone worried about me going out too much, until James finally confronted me when I was heading up stairs.
"What are you doing?" James asked walking up to me after I crept into the common room.
"I'm about to go to bed." I answered back moving around him.
"Wait Evans...I mean with him." James tried again to walk in front of him.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I said getting rather annoyed.
"Evans, you haven't been here like this whole month. We haven't seen you or heard from you in awhile, everyone misses you. The worst part is your disappearing for someone like him."
"Why do you suddenly care?" I asked calmly.
"You're my friend, I care about you. I want you to be safe; you don't know Snape all that well love." James said putting his hand on mine.
"Look James, you know nothing about relationships or about Severus. You don't know him at all." I said wrapping my arms defensively.
"I know plenty about him love." James said blocking my way. "Listen to me Evans, Snivelly isn't the guy for you, if you don't listen to me now, and you'll have to see the hard way."
"Sod off."
Within a week after my conversation with James I'd stop going to the Quidditch practices and eating with the Gryffindor House. We'd walk beside my friends in the halls, outside etc. They were laughing, telling jokes, holding hands. When Sev and I sat by the lake we'd see them across the lake. Star and Sirius were holding hangs making out other times it was Ash and her new boyfriend Regulus (Black) sitting making out and Sirius was no where to be found, Andréa and Cami talking to Remus and James sat there sketching on a piece of paper. Occasionally one of them would look over here and wave, it was never Cami or James to wave though.
"Gawd, they're all staring," I said to Severus the first time it happened. "I don' even want to know what they're saying."
"Why do you care?" he said, looking away. "They're a bunch of buggers. I don't know why you'd want to hang out with them anyways."
That was Severus, or so I was learning. He divided the world coolly into black or white, no grays or middle ground. People were cool or wankers, situations good or bad. My friends, and my life at school, consistently fell into each of the latter. His friends were older, more interesting, and, most importantly, not James friend. When we'd bump into Ash or Cami or anyone else who I usually hung out with, it was always awkward. They'd want me to stay, pulling up a spot. But Severus was always impatient, finishing whatever business he had and heading straight to the nearest exit, making it clear he was ready to go.
Whenever Severus trashed them I didn't know what to say. I wasn't even sure why I'd hung out with them. It had sort of just happened, like everything else in my life. Now, with him, I finally felt like I was making my own choices.
I got to the Dormitory after a cold mid-November day, I was getting sick and Severus sent me back to the Dormitory. I found it oddly empty. There was a white tawny barn owl waiting at the window seal.
It dropped an envelope at my feet, it was from my mum.
I ripped it opened, most likely it was a letter telling me that she was going to expect me home this vacation.
Dearest Lily,
We know just how much you've been dying to see us for your Christmas Break this year, well sorry to disappoint you, but Steven and I don't think you should visit this time.
Petunia has gotten engaged just only last month with a wonderful accountant named Vernon Dursly. Petunia and I have much planning to do this month and it's not like you'd be a stone in our shoe but it would be awkward leaving you home all the time, by yourself. Do not fret love; the wedding isn't until of next year so you have little to worry about. Please come visit us for the holiday of Easter, we will be expecting you then.
With Much Love and Compassion,
Mum, Steven and Petunia 3
I crumpled the letter in my hand and through it out the window. Great, they don't want me for summer and now they don't want me for Christmas either. Who am I suppose to spend Christmas with now? I've never spent it here and I don't want people thinking that something's wrong because then rumors spread.
The cold air came in through the opened door, I wasn't planning on writing back because I already knew exactly what happened, Steven and Petunia brainwashed her into making me stay here, and mum liked my company. It's them who ruined everything...
Without any control or realization tears were running down my cheeks, tiny bitter salty streams were going down my face dripping off my chin onto my shirt.
"Lily, is that you?" said a voice from the door. It was Lena. She could remember that husky voice from anywhere.
I nodded, too teary eyed to speak.
"What's wrong?" Lena asked sitting next to me putting her hand on my knee.
I sniffed, "My mum doesn't want me."
"I want you though." Lena said with an arm around me. "We want you Boo."
I looked at her and laughed loudly, "I remember that nickname...you gave me that one in fourth year."
Lena nodded and smiled, "Yes back then you were my 'ittle Boo Bear."
"Wonder what ever happen...." I said wiping the tears from my eyes
"You started hanging out with prats." I looked up and inwardly cringed, Ash was standing in the door way. Oh how she was most likely going to reem me for blowing her off for the past month.
But instead of even looking at me she walked over to her trunk and sat on it.
"You're not the only one whose parents have blown you off for the holidays." She said waving a piece of parchment in her hand. "Mine have also. Not very surprising, it's not like I spend anytime with them anyways..."
"What was their excuse this time?" said Lena
Ash looked at her and gave a small sneer before answering, "I wouldn't know, I don't read that far anymore."
"Yea, well we all know what it's like to feel unwanted." Lena stated
"Oh, bloody fantastic, let's all go start a pity party." Ash sneered
"Fc off Ash. Stop acting like you're a bloody misunderstood youth." Lena snapped taking her arm away from Lily and standing up.
"Like you don't?" Ash sneered again. Lena glared at her. "You off with that- -that--poor excuse for a human being, Malfoy, and when you're with us it's like we don't understand you or something!"
"Wait--you're with Lucious?" I asked.
"She has been this whole time! You are so bloody blind now that you're with that git! You never have time for us!"
"Well sorry for spending time with some I like instead of you, Ashtyn!"
"Then what are you doing up here? Did precious Severus tell you to come up here for sake of appearances, so the both of you can go snog later?"
"Why don't you stop ragging on us just because you cant get a decent guy that likes you Ash!" Lena yelled
"Oh yes and a decent guy that likes me, is one that will shag me every night, then?"
Lena looked as if she was ready to lung at Ash, "Don't even-"
"Ooh, did I touch a nerve, love?" Ash crossed her arms and sat on the corner of the bed.
I looked at her and said, "Sod off."
"I don't need an invitation, I'm already leaving."
"Well not if I leave first." That was mature. I got up and left.
I didn't know where I was going, and quite frankly I didn't care, just as long as I got there.
There, turned out to be the Astronomy Tower. T'was as good a place as any to be alone and smoke a fag or two, Severus got me into the habit of smoking if it wasn't for him I'd still be preaching; and a great place just to sit and look out at the lake or to watch people as they scurried along across the Grounds.
"Ah, it's great to be alone." I said aloud to myself, taking a long puff of my cigarette. Looking down, I saw two familiar heads sitting down by the lake under the birch tree, it was Cami and Ash. They looked to be doing more or less the same as I, just chilling out, trying to escape from the hustles of the world. I felt a pang of guilt, I missed them. I missed doing all the stupid little things we use to do, from discussing all the Marauders personality faults down to passing stupid little notes during class. Oh, how I wanted to go down and apologize right now for being a complete and total prat, but they would never accept it. After awhile Ash would finally breakdown and forgive me, but it would take something much more then an apology for Cami to forgive me.
"Beautiful day, don't you think?" I turned around it was James.
I turned back around; I didn't want to talk to him, not after we had that blow the other day.
"You know, smoking kills." He said smiling softly.
"So does being thrown off the Astronomy Tower. Why don't you leave me alone, I don't need a hypocrite hanging around me." I snapped
James looked away from me, out to the lake, as if he were trying to cast about for a topic that wouldn't result in getting his head bitten off.
"I heard that your parents didn't want you over for the holidays."
"From where? Under your Invisibility Cloak."
"Nah, you and Harris can yell pretty loud sometimes."
"Yeah, so what if my parents don't want me over for the holidays, what is it to you?"
He shrugged, "Nothing, it's just nothing to get worked up over, really. All they do is kiss you, say how they've missed you, and ask what you've been doing and everything. Quite mushy and disgusting really; do you mind?" he said picking up my pack of fags.
"I thought you said smoking kills?"
"Yes well, I was only following the advice you gave me before."
I snorted, as he lit his fag with the tip of his wand.
"How's Severus?"
"How's Joseline?"
James smirked at me, "To shay."
"So, what brings Mr. Potter up to the Astronomy Tower, I wonder."
"What brings Ms. Evans up to the Astronomy Tower, I wonder." James said raising his eyebrow at me.
"I asked you first."
"I asked you second."
"Oh, real mature, Potter." I said trying to withhold my grin.
"So, is Ms. Evans going to tell me or not?"
"No, Ms. Evans is not going to tell Mr. Potter anything, until Mr. Potter tells Ms. Evans why he came up here in the first place."
"Mr. Potter politely declines Ms. Evans request, and politely states that the lady should have her say first."
"Fine, Potter. I came up here because I just wanted to be alone." I snorted, "And we can all see how that plan worked out."
James looked down guiltily for a moment.
I grinned to see him in somewhat discomfort. "So Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans has given her reason for being up here, now what is yours?"
James blushed, "Well, I don't really have one I guess...I just followed you up here..."
"Oh, so you're my stalker now, I see." I lifted in mock interest and grinned, "I guess I'll just have to figure out how to get rid of you."
It had started to rain after a few moments of silence with James. He seemed to interested in the clouds to retort or continue with another mature argument. I stood up and bent down to grab my backpack and jacket.
"Wait-" he said. His corduroy jacket was damp and musky from the rain beating hard overhead. His hair was curling slightly. He looked pretty cute; never ask me to repeat out loud.
"What?" I slung by backpack over my shoulder, glancing at the doors that led to the outer Astronomy Tower. I was hoping for anyone of my friends to stop this inevitable discussion I was about to have with saltine-esque James. "I'm already done with my fags Jamey, my packs empty. No reason to be here."
James cleared his throat uncomfortably and said, "Yea but I wanted to know how've you been?"
"Um, good." I said, taking a step closer to the door and glancing -hint, hint- at my watch. "I really should-"
"So what happened that night, at Hogsmeade?" he asked me suddenly, I felt so uncomfortable, I didn't even have a fag.
"You left me, end of night." I said bitterly.
"And then you leave with that guy." The way he said it Severus could have been some infectious disease involving pus, boils, and graphic bodily functions. "I mean, what was that all about?"
"It's not really your business," I said. "James you're my friend, not the caretaker of my business. And it's late, I really should-"
"Lily, I miss you." James blurted. "I miss you annoying the hell out of me, everyone misses you. I miss you."
I looked at him blankly, that was the first time he greeted me with my name. I took a step back, I mean, what else was I suppose to do?
"Who misses me?"
"Everyone."
I felt a gush of guilt rush to my head, I hadn't realize how much time I was spending with Severus and not with the rest of them, "I'm leaving."
"Wait," he said, reaching out and grabbing me by the arm. I looked down at his fingers, spread over the fabric of my shirt, and then up at his face. "Listen to me. I'm just trying-"
"Let go," I said trying to pull away.
"Just hold on." He gripped me harder, his fingers pulling at the fabric. "Listen." The rain was hitting hard now, so loud I almost didn't hear the door banging open in front of me.
Severus was standing there. His hair wet, dripping down into the shiny wet floor, and his jeans and jacket were damp and dark, as dark as his eyes.
James dropped my hand quickly.
"Lily," Severus said. I cold barely hear him above the rain. But even as he spoke, he wasn't looking at me; his eyes were on James. "What's going on?"
"Hey Snivellus, care to join us?" James said boldly. "We were just talking here, well; we were till your big nose decided to intrude."
"Come on," I said pulling on his arm, trying to get him to leave with me.
"Hang on a moment; I want to have a chat with ol' Snivelly here."
"Come on." I said dragging him out of the Tower and back to the Common Room
"What's up with you?" James said as he looked down coolly to my aggravated face.
"What's with you?" I glared at him "You follow me up here trying to act all sympathetic and understanding, but then when Severus shows up, you turn in to a-a-"
"A prat?" He sighed "Look I'm sorry. It's just that me and Snape, well, we've just never gotten along, I don't think we ever will."
James' eyes softened, "Look, Lily-"
"Forget it. I don't want to hear your load of cobblers. Save it for another rainy day because this one has ended." and with that I left him and walked into the Girls Dorm.
A/N- Finally, right? Well special thanks to my buddy Ash who wrote some of it!!