Chapter 4: Off to Rescue Darunia

Dru: Start of chapter 4.

Link: Yahoo!

Tatl: Yay!

Saria: Hooray!

Kitz: Chicken!

Dru: Shut up! Get the story going!

Link: Ok. Umm… Where were we again?

Dru: (slaps hand against forehead) We're in the forest temple boss room, and Saria just realized you're 12 years old, you nimrod.

Link: Oh yeah! Of course I'm 12 years old Saria!!!

Saria: Well I didn't know!!!

Tatl: Break it up!

Link: (rounding on Tatl) We aren't kissing, so don't say that.

Saria: Yeah!! But I wish we were.

Link: Well I hate kissing so we won't. (plays Bolero of Fire)

Saria: Link, Why do……………LINK! WHERE ARE YOU???????

In Death Mountain Crater

Link: I need a goron Tunic.

Tatl: Put on your Goron mask.

Dru: Child goron tunic coming right up.

Link: Thanks. (puts tunic on)

Dru: That will be 100 rupees.

Link: Ok. (pays 100 rupees)

Tatl: How'd you get that?

Dru: Author powers. (makes a tsunami)

Tatl: What the crap!!! (gets caught in the tsunami)

Kitz: Yahoo! Surf's up!

Link: Awesome! That was cool.

Dru: Here is a child zora tunic for the water temple.

Link: Thanks. Here is 200 rupees. (gives 200 rupees)

Dru: Thanks. Here are the iron boots.

Link: Thanks. (gives 150 rupees for the iron boots)

Tatl: Let's go to the temple.

Link: OK.

Inside the Fire Temple

Link: Wow. Same thing as before. Hey, look! A chest that wasn't there the last time. (opens it) Wow! A hammer! (whacks Tatl on head with it)

Tatl: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Link: I was testing it to see if it was good to use on Volvagia.

Tatl: Oh. Can we go to the boss room now?

Link: OK. (uses bunny hood to get to the boss room)

Tatl: OoOoOoOoO! Holes of lava!

Volvagia: RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tatl: Yikes! (jumps into one of the holes of lava) OOOOOUUUUUCCCCHHHHHH!!!!!

Link: Ha ha ha!

Tatl: Hey!!! That hurts!!!!

Volvagia: RRRROOOOOAAAARRRR!!!!! (breaths fire)

Link: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (jumps in a lava hole) YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEOOOOOOOUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (dumps springwater all over his body) That's better.

Volvagia: Can we start? Wait! I need an advil. (eats a pill) That's better.

Link: Sure. Time for Whack-a-Dragon!!! (Takes out the hammer) Hold on! Where's Darunia?

Darunia: Look in the lava!

Link: There you are! Let's start this game. (Volvagia pops out of a hole) (Link hits him then slashes him) Yes!

Volvagia: Ouch! That hurts!

Link: Well, it should hurt because I'm trying to kill you.

Volvagia: Oh yeah. I forgot. RRRROOOOAARRR!!! (drops boulders)

Link: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! (gets hit) ow. I wish I had saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO.(Volvagia enters a hole again and pops his head out again and Link hits him then slashes him) Yahoo! (eats lava) AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! HOT! HOT! HOT! HEARTBURN!!!!! I NEED A TUMS!!!!

Dru: 1 tums coming right up. (hands Link a tums)

Link: Thanks. Now die Volvagia.

Volvagia: Aw man! Do I have to?

Link: Yep. You're the boss so I have to kill you.

Volvagia: I never should've took the job Ok.

Link: Ok then. (chops Volvagia's head off) Yay!

Tatl: That was quick.

Link: Holy Crap! We're being warped!

Goron City

Link: Why Goron city?

Darunia: Cause. Let me give you a goron hug. (starts to hug Link)

Link: To much pressure-running out of air-spine cracking- ribs breaking. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darunia: What? Am I squeezing too hard?

Link: Yes.

Darunia: Well why didn't you say so? (lets go of Link) I just wanted to thank you for saving me.

Link: Well, you're welcome.

Darunia: Wait Link! My son wants your autograph!

Goron Link: Link! Sign my head!

Link: Umm, I can't right now. I have to ………….CRAP! NOT RUTO! ANYONE BUT RUTO!!!

Tatl: Calm down. She's just a zora.

Link: Just a zora? Tatl, you do not know what I had to do!! (to himself) Why didn't I just take out my sword and demand for it and not have to marry her.

Tatl: You have to marry her???

Link: Y-y-yes.

Tatl: (starts howling with laughter) Link and Ruto sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Link: SHADAP!!! I HATE HER!!! It was the only way to get the spiritual stone of water, or the zora's sapphire. Anyway, why would I marry her, she's a zora for crying out loud!

Tatl: Oh yeah, you like Kitz.

Dru: No! That's not good!

Link: But why not?

Dru: Because she likes-

Kitz: ( hits Dru upside the head with a frying pan) SHUT UP!!! HOW"D YOU FIND OUT WHO I LIKE???

Dru: I read your diary.

Kitz: Umm… (akward silence follows) Gotta run.

Tatl: Ok. How long has Ruto been waiting to marry you?

Link: Sixteen years. No, wait. Umm. I was 10 when I got the sapphire, then I traveled 7 years into the future. So then I was 17. Then Zelda sent me back in time to when I was 10, and now I'm 12. Only two years.

Kitz: Hey Link, I'm 12!

Link: Yay! It must be destiny.

Kitz: Destiny…  oh yeah… umm… whatever.

Link: Whatever? How would you say 'whatever' about me?

Kitz: whatever.

Tatl: Umm, ok. Dru, take her out of the story.

Link: NOOO! SHE'S MY DESTINY!

Kitz: No I'm not. I'm Ma-(slaps hand over mouth) You guys didn't hear that. You didn't just hear that.

Dru: (pushes Kitz through a hole in the floor) OK Link. Playtime's over. Back to the story.

Link: I'm not rescuing Ruto. I'll rescue Impa.

Tatl: No, Ruto.

Dru: Shut up. Anyway it's the end of chapter 4.

Everyone except Dru: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dru: End of chapter 4.

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Dru: So, Link has rescued Darunia and now has to rescue his almost wife.

Link: She is not my almost wife!

Dru: Shut up. Ok. He needs to go to the water temple next and rescue the accursed Ruto.

Link: That's better.

Ruto: Hey!!! That's mean.

Link: Shut up. And anyway, you're trapped.

Ruto: Oh yeah.

Malon: Rescue me, Link! I'm the Sage of the Farm!

Dru: Who told you that?

Malon: Kitz did. She made me the sage of horses and cows and stuff you find on farms.

Kitz: Well, she begged for ages…

Dru: Malon, you can't be a sage.

Malon: Why?

Dru: I'd have to change the title of the story. Ok. End of Chapter 4.