Chapter 6: Beneath the Well

Dru: Before we start, Hillbilly Link is the name of another author. I don't own the characters in the Legend of Zelda, Pirates of the Caribbean, the Little Mermaid, or Homer Simpson.

Link: I have to go to the Shadow Temple now.

Ruto: Bye Link!

Tatl: Parting is such sweet, umm, something or other.

Kakariko Village

Tatl: I thought we were going to the shadow temple.

Link: I have to get my third lens of truth.

Tatl: I thought you had your old one.

Link: I lost my first one because of you and I ate the second one after I saved Termina. It tasted like blueberry pie.

Tatl: You can eat those?! Cool! (takes out a lens of truth and eats it) Mmmmm! Pumpkin Pie flavored.

Dru: Stop eating lens of truths!

Hillbilly Link: I ate one that was cherry pie flavored. I also ate a light arrow.

Link: No wonder you're glowing.

Dru: Let's get on with the story!

Link: OK! Let's go to the windmill.

Tatl: Ok.

Windmill

Homer Simpson: Hi. Guru-guru is not here so I'm running the place.

Link: That's a mask. (pulls off Homer's face) Ha! You're Guru-Guru!

Guru-Guru: He he. It's me.

Kitz: Hey, I like this music! (starts dancing) Woo! Doo dee dee! Let's dance, Guru-Guru!

Guru-Guru: What do you want?

Link: I need to know the Song of storms.

GG: OK. (plays the song of storms)

Link: Thanks.

Dru: I like this song, I like this music.

Kitz: I like it more! (does the tango)

Link: Whatever. (plays the Song of Storms)

GG: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! The windmill is spinning like crazy!! It's draining the well. You're so mean to me! (starts crying)

Kitz: Hey, you made him cry! Now he won't play his music! (starts crying, too)

Link: Let's leave. I don't want to be with babies.

Kakariko Well

Link: Man, It's dark.

Tatl: Yep. Link! Where are you going?

Link: To a certain room.

Dru: They go in the certain room and find 6 hands sticking out of the ground.

Link: (let's one of the hands grab him)

Tatl: Are you stu………. WHAT IS THAT THING!

Link: (slashes the hand) A dead hand. (slashes it 5 times)

Dead Hand: AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!! (dies)

Link: Yay! A chest. (opens it) Yes! A Lens of truth!

Tatl: (bored) Whoop-de-de. It's a lens of truth.

Hillbilly Link: Can I eat it?

Dru: No! He needs that to save Impa! Here, eat a fire arrow.

Hillbilly Link: Thanks. (eats arrow) AIIIEE!! HEARTBURN!!

Link: Uh huh. (rolls eyes) Now let's ditch this place.

Dru: No, or this will be a short chapter. I want it to be long.

Tatl: OK. Let's play poker.

Dru: That's a great idea!

Link: (starts passing out cards) I bet 10 rupees.

Tatl: I bet 20.

Kitz: I bet myself.

Dru: You can't do that!! I bet 1,000,000,000,000 rupees.

Hillbilly Link: I bet 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,0000 rupees.

Everyone except Hillbilly Link and Kitz: HOLY CRAP!!!!!

Link: That's a googol rupees!!!

Kitz: Duh. Well, I bet 2 googol rupees.

Tatl: I have got to win.

30 minutes later

Link: I WIN!!!!!!!! (takes all of the rupees)

Tatl: (starts to cry)

Hillbilly Link: I bet infinite rupees.

Dru: Me too.

Kitz: You can't do that! It's humanly impossible!

Link: I bet 10 rupees.

Tatl: I bet 500 rupees.

Kitz: I bet my half eaten quarter pounder without cheese.

I hour later

Tatl: YES!!! I WON!!!! I"M RICH!!!!!! AND I'VE WON MYSELF SOMEONE'S HALF EATEN LUNCH!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!

Kitz: Actually, I ate it for dinner.

Hillbilly Link: I bet infinite rupees again.

Kitz: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!

Link: I bet 1,000,000 rupees.

Tatl: I bet 10,000 rupees.

Dru: I bet a bottle of rum.

Kitz: Ooh! Rum! I must win.

1 hour and a half later

Link: I WON!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!

Kitz: Waah. Bye, rum. I'll miss you.

Link: Oh kay… (burns rum)

Kitz: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO??!!?!?

Link: I burned the rum.

Kitz: But why is the rum gone?

Dru: Because the Health Department didn't want it in my story.

Kitz: But… why is the rum gone?

Tatl: Oh brother.

Kitz: I'll go raid an island to find more. (hops onto the Black Pearl) Yo ho yo ho! A pirate's life for me!

Captain Jack: Come, Kitz! Let's go find rum!

Kitz: Just make sure Elizabeth doesn't find it. She'll burn it all up!

The Little Mermaid: I'll come too! Then we can have a party!

All three: (singing) Ninety nine bottles of rum on the wall, ninety nine bottles of rum…

Tatl: Dru, did you get rid of her with your author's powers?

Dru: Nope. She got rid of herself.

Link: (calling after the Black Pearl) Wait for me!

Tatl: Oh no you don't! (grabs Link by the ear) We're going to save Impa!

Link: She can save herself.

Rauru: Link, what did I tell you?

Link: On second thought, let's go save Impa.

Malon: No, rescue me Link and leave that stupid Impa until later.

Link: Go away Malon! I will rescue you but later. Later. L-A-T-E-R, later.

Malon: I get the picture. (leaves)

-------------

Malon: Yay! Link will rescue me!

Tatl: (whispering to Dru) I saw Link cross his fingers when he told Malon that he would rescue her.

Dru: (to Malon) Umm, he may not have enough time to save you, Malon. He's a very busy man. I should know. I'm his agent in another story.

Kitz: (in a singsong voice) Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure…

Link: What does that have to do with anything?

Kitz: I don't know. Well, I'm off to find the rum!

Captain Jack: Oops. I drank it all.

Dru: OK people, this is getting too confusing. End of chapter 6.