Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars Episode one or Weird Al Yankovic's song The Saga Begins

Chapter 7: Into the Shadow

In Kakariko Well

Link: I'm bored. Is chapter 6 over yet?

Tatl: Duh! This is chapter 7! Can't you read?

Link: No, but that doesn't matter. I'm still bored.

Hillbilly Link: Well, what do you want to do?

Dru: I know! Let's make a band!

Link: Cool idea! OK, I'll play the electric ocarina.

Kitz: O.o

Hillbilly Link: And I'll play the banjo! (plays a really bad g-chord and the banjo explodes) Oopsies. I'll just get another one! (pulls another banjo out from behind Tatl's ear) Ha ha! It's magic!

Tatl: I can be singer! (starts to sing and Link's Lens of Truth explodes)

Dru: Hey! I wanted to eat that!

Kitz: I think I should be singer. No offense to you Tatl.

Tatl: None taken! I'll play the triangle.

Dru: And I can be keyboard!

Link: We still need a drummer…

Hillbilly Link: Maybe Impa can play the drums…?

Link: No, she whistles.

Dru: Oh well. We'll find a drummer somewhere. But right now, we need to save Impa!

Link: OK. Hold on a sec. (pulls a Lens of Truth out of his hat) Oh! There you are! I was looking for you!

Dru: WHAT??? You had a Lens of Truth in your hat THE WHOLE TIME??? Man, If I'd have known, I wouldn't have written chapter 6!

Tatl: Oh well. That doesn't matter anymore. Link, come on. We're going to go save Impa now.

Link: Okeydokey! (plays Nocturne of Shadow) Tah-tah! (waves to Tatl and disappears)

Tatl: LINK!!! COME BACK HERE!!! Oh, it's no good. Wait for me!

Kakariko Village

Tatl: Excuse me, miss. Pardon me sir. Ouch! (flies into cucco lady)

Cucco Lady: Waah! My cuccos have run away! Sniff… Miss fairy, will you find them for me?

Tatl: Uhh, well, I sort of need to be g o I n g… Oh who cares? Sure, why not.

Cucco Lady: Oh, thank you! Thank you so very much!

Tatl: No problem. (calling) Cuccos! Oh cuccos! Come to me! (cuccos come flying toward her) Quick! Jump into your pen! (cuccos jump into pen) There! That should do it.

Cucco Lady: (gaping) Wow! That was fast. Here, take this nice shiny glass bottle filled to the brim with cucco feed as a token of my gratitude.

Tatl: Uhh, thanks. Now, I really must be going. (flies to the graveyard and the entrance to the shadow temple)

Link: Hey! What took you?

Tatl: The cucco lady wanted me to find her cuccos. Here, have a bottle filled with chicken feed.

Link: (confused) Chicken? What's a chicken?

Tatl: (slaps head) Oh, I mean cucco feed. Well anyway. Enough of this chitchat. Let's go!

The Shadow Temple

Link: OK, we're here. Now what do I do?

Dru: (whispering) you go and get the hover boots, link.

Link: Yay! Hover boots! (talking and walking toward the hover boots) I've always wanted to fly. I wonder how they work…. I wonder what color they are…. If they don't match my outfit, I'm not wearing them. Ooh! A chest! I'll open it. (opens chest) Yay! It's the-

Tatl: Hover umbrella?

Link: Hover umbrella? I thought they were supposed to be hover boots.

Hillbilly Link: Oops, I ate those, too.

Kitz: (singing) La la la, he ate the boots! La la la, he ate them!

Hillbilly Link: Well, here. As a token of my apology, here is my prized 7-year-old jelly bean. (gives Link the bean)

Link: Thanks! Now I have a birthday present for my mommy! (eats jellybean) Bleaugh!! Gag… splutter… (chokes and dies)

Tatl: LINK!!!

Kitz: Don't worry! I read somewhere that if someone dies, you have 4 to six minutes to make them alive again!

Tatl: Well, make way then! (pushes everyone out of the way) Make way, Link! This is gonna be a bumpy ride! (dives into Link's mouth and down his digestive tract)

Dru: She's nuts.

Tatl: (from inside Link) Eew. Down the esophagus! Past the epiglottis! Past the liver! Past the pancreas! Into the stomach! Yuck! What does this kid eat?

Link: (talking, but unconscious) Hot dogs… rock sirloin… 7-year-old jellybeans… pumpkin pie… moldy cheese… ice arrows… lava… my hair… leaves… chocolate… liver and onions…

Tatl: I'm sorry I asked. Hey! I found the jellybean! (flies up out of Link's digestive tract) Here you go!

Link: (awake now) Yay! I'm alive!

Hillbilly Link: And I'm gone! (runs away to Kentucky)

Tatl: Where's Kentucky?

Dru: Somewhere far, far away.

Kitz: (singing) A long long time ago, in a galaxy far away, Naboo was under an attack…

Link: Who cares where Kentucky is? I want to ask Impa if she'll be in my band! Now our banjoist ran away, and we still need a drummer. (hears someone playing the bongos in the distance) Yay! Someone In here is a drummer! Let's go! (Jumps over huge gap with hover umbrella) We go through here….. in here….. through this door…… And on this ship-

Tatl: Which one? There are two. One's black and foreboding and the other is white with pretty flowers and bunnies!

Link: Well, this place is black and foreboding, so let's take the black and foreboding ship! (jumps on ship and plays Zelda's Lullaby)

Tatl: Where'd you learn that?

Link: I have no earthly idea. (falls asleep) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Boat: All Aboard!!! Please visit the gift shop when we're done and we have an on ride photo section so please buy your picture as well. (starts to move)

Link: Wait! I have to go to the bathroom.

Boat: Too bad.

Link: I have to now- Ok I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore.

Tatl: Yuck!

Kitz: (still singing) Well, I thought me and Qui Gon Ginn could talk the federation into maybe cutting them a little slack…

Boat: Ok we're moving.

10 minutes later

Boat: Ok we're here.

Link: (gets off boat) This room is oddly familiar.

Tatl: Of course it is. We're in the main room again.

Kitz: (still singing) Well, their response, it didn't thrill us. They locked the doors and tried to kill us. We escaped from that gas, and met Jar-Jar and Boss Nass!

Link: What are you singing?? Oh well, never mind. I will warp back to the boat room, then. (warps) AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm inside out! (warps back) Ah, good. I'm normal again. I'll walk to the room then. (walks through door and is in the boat room) Let's take the white boat.

Tatl: Ok.

White boat: Let's go to the boss room.

Link: Ok.

5 Minutes Later

Boat: We are here.

Link: Thanks.

Tatl: Look! The door to the boss room! But it's too far to jump.

Link: I'll use my hover umbrella. (jumps then uses umbrella) It's too far away. (falls) AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Tatl: Wait! Don't leave. I want the on-ride photo.

Kitz: (still singing) We took a bonbo from the scene and we went to Theed to see the queen; We all would up on Tatooine. That's where we found this boy...

Link: I'm not gone. I'm right beside you.

Tatl: Hey! A pillar. If you shoot the bomb flowers with your fire arrows, you could blow them up and make the pillar fall. Then we could have a bridge.

Link: Ok. (does what Tatl says) You're right. (enters the boss room)

Bongo-Bongo: OFF MY DRUMS YOU IDIOT!!!!!!

Impa: Uggh. Go away, Link! I'll save myself.

Link: OK. (sits down and takes out a tub of popcorn) This is gonna be good.

Impa: (to Bongo-Bongo) OK floating hands. Now you shall meet your maker! (runs up to BB's hands) Oh my gosh! Your nails are horrific! Here, let me do them for you.

TEN MINUTES LATER

Impa: There! Now that should do it! (show's BB's nails to Link, which now have hot pink nail polish on them)

Link: AAAUUUGGGHHH!! THE PINK!! IT BURNS!!

Impa: Oh, you're so stupid. I'm outa here. You can fight Bongo-Bongo now. (calls a taxi and rides out of the dungeon)

Tatl: Wow. That was easy.

BB: yay! Now I can have my way with you!

Link: No way!. (shoots BB's eye with a light arrow)

BB: AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Link: Hey! You're a drummer. You wanna join our band.

BB: Sure.

Dru: Even though I beat Ocarina of Time, I still like the idea of Bongo-Bongo joining the band.

Link: Was I supposed to hear that?

Dru: Yes.

Tatl: (looking dreamy) That would be nice…

Link: Tatl, What are you doing?

Tatl: Huh? (comes out trance) Oh! I was only thinking.

Link: About what?

Tatl: Savl. Saria's fairy.

Link: Oh gross. Anyway now is not the time to plan your next date.

Tatl: Hey! How did you know?

Link: (points to the mask of truth he's wearing)

Tatl: Oh.

BB: What's a date?

Link: You don't wanna know.

BB: OK. That's fine. Oh, as a token of gratitude for letting me be in your band, I'm giving you a gift. (gives Link hover Boots)

Link: Yahoo! Hover Boots!

Dru: Can I eat them too?

Link: NO! Now I'm getting rid of this umbrella. (blasts it into an oblivion with a light arrow) That's better.

Dru: Aw man. I wanted to eat that.

Tatl: You have got to learn not to eat Link's equipment.

Link: Yeah!

Dru: Ok. I'm sorry about eating a bomb. (everyone hears an explosion in Dru's stomach) Ow.

Kitz: (singing) He ate a bomb, he ate a bomb. It gave him gas and his name's not Tom.

Link: Let's have a rehearsal for our band.

Dru: Play the Ballad of the Windfish.

Link: Ok. Everyone ready?

Everyone: Yeah.

Link: Ok. Play.

Kitz: Ahem!

Dru: Sorry. And sing.

Everyone starts playing and singing so well and loudly that everyone in Hyrule heard it and are now cheering.

Dru: We did a good job. But sadly, the chapter is over. Buh-bye.

Link: Wait! We have to get the chapter longer!

Dru: Ok. Ok. Let's see, we can um…play Monopoly.

Link: No thanks. I hate Monopoly.

Tatl: (starts to sing)

Link: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! STOP IT TATL!!! IT'S HURTING MY EARDRUMS AND BREAKING GLASS.

Dru: Let's just end this chapter.

Link: Ok. Anything to stop Tatl singing.

Kitz: Tah-tah! (stuffs Tatl into a sound-proof room with unbreakable glass) Now you can sing!

--------------------

Dru: OK, this chapter doesn't have much about saving Impa, but she's tough. She saved herself.

Impa: Yes I did!

Malon: Link, when are you going to save me?

Link: Umm…. I.. uh… have a haircut to go to. Bye!! (runs away)

Malon: (chases after Link) No wait, Link! I'll cut your hair for you!!

Link: I've seen you cut people's hair! The come to you with 17 inches of hair and leave with a bald head!

Dru: Fin.