Title: Degree
Author: Sassy
Rating: PG
Pairing; None
Disclaimer: I don't own it, I just watch it and borrow the characters.
Summary: Set after Grief. Mark Rivers contemplates death. This is my first Touching Evil fan fiction, so hopefully it's okay.
Degree
"Death is only the beginning." Mark Rivers fought the urge to laugh and cry alternately as the random, cheesy quote from The Mummy sprung into his head. If he were David Creegan, random thoughts like that after being stabbed in the gut by a grief psychologist, would be normal. But he wasn't David Creegan. He didn't want to be. Of course, with this near death experience, he was a step closer to being the slightly unhinged detective. Mark wanted to laugh again, but he resisted the urge due to the pain in h is stomach. He was afraid if he moved all his blood would pour out onto the floor and there would never be anyone to help him. Like there had been no one there to help his brother when he had overdosed.
Mark closed his eyes, pain seeping into every fiber of his being. He wasn't sure if it was the stab wound or the memory of finding his brother dead that was causing it. He'd tried his whole life to protect Ben. When kids would pick on Ben in grade school, when his parents had died, when they'd both gone off their own separate paths, Mark becoming a cop and Ben become a drug addict, he had always tried to protect Ben. He'd bailed Ben out so many times and he'd grown tired of it, so he'd practically abandoned his brother. If he had stayed by his brother's side like he always had before, Ben might still be alive and Mark would have never gone to see the grief counselor in the first place. Mark wished he could blame anyone but himself for the whole situation, but there was no one. There was no one there to blame and there was no one there to help him. He'd become that lost cause that he'd always despised but helped continually. He'd become his brother.
Mark's mind wandered back to the quote that seemed to stick so inappropriately in his head. God, he hoped death wasn't the beginning. Because that would mean that his whole life had been some kind of trial run, practice for some greater purpose, training to be something more after his actual death. He didn't believe in reincarnation, probably because he didn't want to think of the possibility of returning to a life like this or worse. He didn't know if he believed in a better place, though when his parents had died and his brother, the thought had comforted him to a degree. But it was very possible he'd been lying to himself and after he died, there would be nothing. Utter darkness. If he lived through this, he should ask Creegan what he'd found. Mark could feel his mind starting to go blank, as if the energy it took to think was too much for his body. He'd always heard that memories would flash through his mind as he died, but there was no memory. Nothing, really, except for the fear of failure in his life. He'd failed his brother. He'd failed his parents since he had failed his brother and he'd probably failed a lot of other people he didn't even know about. The weight of all the wrong he'd done in his life became too much to his brain and he started to shut down. His eyes were closed and everything sounded hollow, the water running in the bathroom, the quiet mutterings from the psycho psychologist. He was slipping away and there was no way to stop it and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. Maybe he could find some relief if he let go.
Mark gasped as he felt cold hands touch his wound. He was being pulled back to the living as he felt the hands gently apply pressure to the wound. He opened his eyes slowly to see Susan Branca leaning over him; eyes filled with unshed tears. He smiled bravely, not wanting to make Susan cry. That would just be something else he'd messed up.
"I think I cut myself shaving."
She didn't seem to think that was funny, but she smiled anyway. Pain and relief flooded his body paradoxically and he wondered if he would be okay. Maybe all that self-reflection he'd done was for no good reason. Maybe he was going to be stuck in the world for a lot longer than he'd initially thought. Maybe he would stay here with Susan and Creegan and find a new reason to live, or at least find a way to make up for the failures he'd caused. Maybe he would stay the same old Mark Rivers; playboy, unsung hero, and helper to the useless. One thing was for sure if he survived. He would never watch The Mummy again.