Title: Just a Silly Feeling Chapter 10
Spoilers: None really
Rating: PG-13 just incase.
Disclaimer: Not mine don't sue me.
AN: Holy buckets! I finally finished! Thank you SO VERY MUCH to everyone who read this! I really hope that you enjoy the final installment. This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has ever had a hardship to overcome, so, it's for everyone. Enjoy!
Sam was working on, well, something in her lab. She didn't really know what it was. It was something that kept her away from everyone, which is all she really cared about. She was tired of all the sympathetic looks she received from people.
"Hey Sam," Daniel called out, leaning against the frame of her doorway. She quickly looked up at him and then looked back at whatever she was doing.
"Hi Daniel."
"Hiding out?" She nodded at him, or so he assumed.
"Yeah, you've got to give everyone a break. It's been a crazy week." It was hard for him to believe that only a week had past since their coup of Alumbi and his forces.
"Yep." He walked fully into the room, hands in pockets.
"Hey, I never got to fully apologize to you for the way I acted when we found that chamber." He waited to see some reaction from her, but she gave none.
"That's ok." He could tell her voice was fake so that he would leave her alone.
"No, Sam, it's really not. I should have stopped when everyone was telling me to. I just didn't really realize what it -was." The last word came out after he snatched her gadget away from her. She turned around to see his annoyed face.
"Sam, are you going to deal with this?"
"Deal with what?"
"Don't be stupid. We all know that you went through hell with him. Honestly, I wouldn't know where to start to understand. This is one of the worst things someone could endure. Just the humiliation you had to suffer alone is bad enough without the physical aspect of torture."
"Daniel!" she tried to interrupt. He waved a finger to let him finish. He was just glad to get any reaction from her.
"But remember Sam. You weren't the only on affected by this. We looked for you Sam. God we searched all over the universe for you! Jack carried your picture with you and asked random people on planets if they had seen you!" That comment made her look at the ground. "Sam, we were dead without you. We went through our own torture looking for you, and wondering if you were alive, and if you would ever be home again. What you would be like if you did get back home. If you would remember us. If you would have all four limbs. God anything about you Sam! Jack took it the worst! You should have seen him the say the General announced that the official search was off." She had been too ashamed to look at him until now.
"What happened?"
"Jack would kill me if you knew."
"Please Daniel?" He looked into her eyes and saw the need to believe in something, and right now, this is all he had for her.
"Ok, but don't tell him I told you."
General Hammond's office 6 months ago
"Boys, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you." Daniel and Jonas were close to Hammond's desk, and Teal'c and Jack were in the back brooding.
"Sir?" Jack asked quietly from the back.
"We have to call off the search for Major Carter." He looked down at his desk, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Jack pushed past Daniel and Jonas.
"Sir! You can't! It's only been four weeks!" His voice was full of desperation and urgency.
"I'm sorry Colonel! I don't want to! But we can't keep using all of our resources looking for one soldier." He looked Jack right in the eye.
"One soldier?! One soldier who saved this planet more than anyone else combined! One soldier who was willing to give her life for anyone! One soldier who introduced us to the Tok'Ra! One soldier who wouldn't sleep until she knew everyone on her team was home safe and sound!" At this point, Jack was yelling, face to face with the general, damned the consequences.
"Jack I'm sorry. I know what she meant to you. Just because the official search is off doesn't mean she's lost forever." The softness and quietness in his voice surprised everyone, mostly Jack. He had expected to get yelled at, thrown out, something. But when the General made it personal, he couldn't take it. Jack's tense body grasped the desk in front of him.
"Dismissed soldier." Jack stormed out of the room.
He walked to his room, unaware that Daniel was walking after him. He didn't care who was in his way. It could have been the Dalai Lama for all he cared. He needed to get away. The looks he received in the hallway that would usually bother him didn't even faze him.
He entered his room, whipping the door behind him so hard that it didn't close, it only bounced off the frame and went back open. He grasped the edge of his desk very much like how he grabbed the General's. Daniel was in the doorway, unsure if he should enter at the moment. Jack let out a yell and flipped his desk over. Daniel jumped back from the door way in shock.
Then Jack grabbed onto the first thing he could find and chucked it across the room, continuing to throw whatever he could see, giving a war cry with each item. Daniel had never seen him so cross and upset. After he was finished throwing everything, he staggered to the wall behind him. As soon as his back hit, he slid down, agony written all over his face. He bent his knees after a moment, and put his elbows on them so he could put his head in his hands.
Daniel knew he needed to go in. He walked in and sat down next to Jack. Not knowing what was making him do it, he touched Jack's arm. He was expecting Jack to get mad, hit him, walk out of the room, to yell. Not for Jack to look at him.
The look of his face was heart wrenching enough that Daniel didn't even need the loss of Sam to feel sorry for Jack. Daniel put his arm around Jack's back and Jack actually moved to Daniel. Daniel's other arm when to cross Jack, and Jack clung onto his with his hand for dear life. He hid his head behind Daniel's arm.
"Jack," was all Daniel said. Jack began to shake in Daniel's makeshift embrace, and started to cry. At first there was no sound, but then the sobs came. Unbeknown to them, they had two guards. Teal'c was standing guard outside of the door facing the hallway. Jonas was trying to keep people from going into the hallway. Those who braved it didn't dare look into the room if Teal'c was there, even if they could guess what was going on.
He had actually passed out from all of the exertion. The team took him into the infirmary and laid him down on a bed. The three also crashed there that night, needing to be there. Instead of giving them grief, Janet joined them. She took it just as hard as anyone. And Daniel was also there to help her wipe away her tears.
When Jack woke up the next morning, he was a little disoriented. Then, the memories of the day before sank in. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, making sure not to kick a sleeping Jonas. He posture was hunched, and he rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair. He looked up to see Daniel sitting on the opposite bed, looking just as shabby.
"Thanks," he said, nodding his head. And that was all that needed to be said between the two.
Sam's eyes widened with shock as Daniel finished his story.
"Oh, Daniel, I, god I'm so sorry! I don't even, Jesus!" She has having problems even trying to think of what to say to him.
"I can't believe how selfish I've been lately! That never occurred to me! And the Colonel, what he's all done for me, oh god!" Her hands were on hear head in disbelieve. She actually looked like she was going to be sick.
"Sam, it's ok. You know now." He helped her stand straight. He couldn't stay mad at her. He realized that she didn't even consider what everyone else was going through.
He pulled her into a tight embrace, never wanting to let go. He took the moment to savor having her again. God he missed her. She hugged back just as tightly, not wanting to ever lose him again.
"Daniel, I'm sooo sorry," she muttered into his shoulder.
"Shh Sam. It's ok now. It'll all get better soon, I promise." He rubbed her back and slowly swayed back and forth. She slowly pulled away and looked up at him, still holding on.
"I've got to talk to everyone."
"Yeah, you do."
"Teal'c! Wait up a second!" she called down the hallway. He was heading towards the mess hall.
"MajorCarter. May I be any assistance?" he asked as she crossed the distance between them
"Yeah, um, let's go in there," she said as she looked for an empty room. She didn't want everything to be public.
"Teal'c, I just finished talking to Daniel, and, good lord I'm sorry," she said to him as he closed the door. He turned his head and raised his trademark eyebrow.
"MajorCarter?"
"For the way I've been acting. I realized now what everyone went through when you were trying to find me, and I guess I haven't been very grateful. And I am. I've very grateful. If I knew you guys weren't going to be here for me when I got back, I wouldn't have wanted to come home at all. Teal'c I'm so sorry." She walked up to him and hugged him, which surprised him. After a moment, he returned her hug, both holding on for a while.
"I am glad you have returned to yourself, MajorCarter." He smiled at her.
"Yeah me too," she laughed. "Do you know where the Colonel is by chance?"
"He left for the evening. I believe he said he had the Simpsons to watch?"
"Thanks Teal'c, for everything." She smiled at him and walked away.
She walked up to his door, trying to will up the courage to ring the doorbell. She put her finger on top of the button, and then quickly took it away. Shaking her head, she thought of what she needed to do and forcefully pushed the button. Jack came to the door, wearing a black shirt and jeans, his white socks showing at the bottom. He opened up the door with a beer bottle in his hand, looking surprised.
"Cater! What can I do for you?" he asked, happy to see her. Anytime he saw her was good now a days. He wasn't upset with her, just wondering what brought her to his house.
"Hi, sir. I was wondering if I could talk to you," she said to him.
"Ah, sure. Come on it." He held the door open for her. She walked through the hallway and took her jacket off. She was wearing black stretch pants with a white shirt, long sleeved, v neck. She took off her leather jack and put it over the edge of his couch.
"Beer?" he asked.
"Yeah, we're both probably going to need a few." At that exact moment, a 'Do'h!' was heard from his TV.
'Did I just say that?' he thought to himself. He looked nervous and apprehensive as he disappeared to get a new beer for himself and one for her. She was sitting on his couch when he came back.
"So. Carter. You wanted to… talk," he started. Even his voice sounded nervous.
"Yeah." She didn't say anything else until after she took a drink. 'Wow, that felt good,' she thought.
"Ok. I had a talk with Daniel today. And it made me realize a lot of things. And I need to apologize to you."
"What?" he interrupted her.
"No wait. Let me finish." He nodded, looked at her funny, and took a drink. He knew that this would be interesting.
"When I was gone, and even now, I never thought about what you all went through. I was caught up in my own thoughts, and trying to avoid everyone. I didn't care about anything except forgetting what happened to me." She stopped to think about what she wanted to say.
"And now," Jack prompted.
"And now, I do realize what you went through. And god Jack, I'm sorry. I should have thought about what was happening to everyone before I tuned everyone out of my life." He looked confused.
"Well, I'm not supposed to say anything, but Daniel told me about the night you found out that the search for me was getting called off."
"Oh…" he said quietly, and took a long drink of beer. 'Wow this is tastes really good right now,' he thought to himself.
"And here I am, running around, ignoring everyone that is trying to help me. And now I realize that they need me as much as I need them." She sat so she was facing him, one leg curled under the other, put her bottle on the table by her, and put her hand on his.
"I'm sorry Jack," she whispered, looking down.
"Wow Sam, we missed you." His voice started to crack with emotion.
"I know I missed you too." She was holding his hand in hers. He moved his hand so he was holding hers, and raised it to his face, feeling the warmth, reassuring himself that she was really there. His eyes were squeezed shut, trying not to become emotional. She moved her other hand to the other side of her face, and leaned in to kiss him.
It was very much the same as the one they shared when they found her. Nothing sexual about it. They needed each other, but not that way right now. She moved into him, and he held her. She held back as hard as she could, never wanting to let go.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered again into his chest, starting to cry. She was loosing control, and he didn't like it. But there as was nothing she could do.
"Me too Sam. Me too." He let a tear slip out, trying to squeeze the rest in. They sat there, apologizing to each other, crying onto each other, holding each other, never wanting to let go of each other, for the rest of the night, until sleep overcame them.
"Major. Are you ready?" General Hammond was standing on the bottom of the ramp behind Sam and her team.
Jack had spoken to the General about her skills, along with the other commanders of the teams that went with them. It was due time she had her own. It hadn't been an easy road. She talked to everyone she needed to, had nights out with Janet, and finally started to come to terms with what had happened.
"Yes sir." She smiled at him, and he smiled back. He was so proud of her. He knew he wasn't supposed to have favorites…. But he couldn't help it. Only Sam could come back from that.
"You have a go!" he said. She saluted him, and he saluted her back before she walked into the wormhole.
She walked behind her team, just like she was supposed to. Before she went through, she turned around and saw Jack in the control room, smiling down on her. She smiled back, remembering a small piece of advice he gave her.
When they were talking about what happened, he asked her a question: Why did she throw two guns at Alumbi? She was stunned; she didn't even realize it. When he told her, all she could do was laugh. Then, he told her that when she led her team, just to have a few extra guns to throw at enemies. Then, he told her she had her own team.
Taking a refreshing breath of air, she turned around and kept her smile on, and walked through the wormhole, knowing that she could handle whatever was on the other side. And if she couldn't, she knew she had people who could.
The end
Spoilers: None really
Rating: PG-13 just incase.
Disclaimer: Not mine don't sue me.
AN: Holy buckets! I finally finished! Thank you SO VERY MUCH to everyone who read this! I really hope that you enjoy the final installment. This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has ever had a hardship to overcome, so, it's for everyone. Enjoy!
Sam was working on, well, something in her lab. She didn't really know what it was. It was something that kept her away from everyone, which is all she really cared about. She was tired of all the sympathetic looks she received from people.
"Hey Sam," Daniel called out, leaning against the frame of her doorway. She quickly looked up at him and then looked back at whatever she was doing.
"Hi Daniel."
"Hiding out?" She nodded at him, or so he assumed.
"Yeah, you've got to give everyone a break. It's been a crazy week." It was hard for him to believe that only a week had past since their coup of Alumbi and his forces.
"Yep." He walked fully into the room, hands in pockets.
"Hey, I never got to fully apologize to you for the way I acted when we found that chamber." He waited to see some reaction from her, but she gave none.
"That's ok." He could tell her voice was fake so that he would leave her alone.
"No, Sam, it's really not. I should have stopped when everyone was telling me to. I just didn't really realize what it -was." The last word came out after he snatched her gadget away from her. She turned around to see his annoyed face.
"Sam, are you going to deal with this?"
"Deal with what?"
"Don't be stupid. We all know that you went through hell with him. Honestly, I wouldn't know where to start to understand. This is one of the worst things someone could endure. Just the humiliation you had to suffer alone is bad enough without the physical aspect of torture."
"Daniel!" she tried to interrupt. He waved a finger to let him finish. He was just glad to get any reaction from her.
"But remember Sam. You weren't the only on affected by this. We looked for you Sam. God we searched all over the universe for you! Jack carried your picture with you and asked random people on planets if they had seen you!" That comment made her look at the ground. "Sam, we were dead without you. We went through our own torture looking for you, and wondering if you were alive, and if you would ever be home again. What you would be like if you did get back home. If you would remember us. If you would have all four limbs. God anything about you Sam! Jack took it the worst! You should have seen him the say the General announced that the official search was off." She had been too ashamed to look at him until now.
"What happened?"
"Jack would kill me if you knew."
"Please Daniel?" He looked into her eyes and saw the need to believe in something, and right now, this is all he had for her.
"Ok, but don't tell him I told you."
General Hammond's office 6 months ago
"Boys, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you." Daniel and Jonas were close to Hammond's desk, and Teal'c and Jack were in the back brooding.
"Sir?" Jack asked quietly from the back.
"We have to call off the search for Major Carter." He looked down at his desk, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Jack pushed past Daniel and Jonas.
"Sir! You can't! It's only been four weeks!" His voice was full of desperation and urgency.
"I'm sorry Colonel! I don't want to! But we can't keep using all of our resources looking for one soldier." He looked Jack right in the eye.
"One soldier?! One soldier who saved this planet more than anyone else combined! One soldier who was willing to give her life for anyone! One soldier who introduced us to the Tok'Ra! One soldier who wouldn't sleep until she knew everyone on her team was home safe and sound!" At this point, Jack was yelling, face to face with the general, damned the consequences.
"Jack I'm sorry. I know what she meant to you. Just because the official search is off doesn't mean she's lost forever." The softness and quietness in his voice surprised everyone, mostly Jack. He had expected to get yelled at, thrown out, something. But when the General made it personal, he couldn't take it. Jack's tense body grasped the desk in front of him.
"Dismissed soldier." Jack stormed out of the room.
He walked to his room, unaware that Daniel was walking after him. He didn't care who was in his way. It could have been the Dalai Lama for all he cared. He needed to get away. The looks he received in the hallway that would usually bother him didn't even faze him.
He entered his room, whipping the door behind him so hard that it didn't close, it only bounced off the frame and went back open. He grasped the edge of his desk very much like how he grabbed the General's. Daniel was in the doorway, unsure if he should enter at the moment. Jack let out a yell and flipped his desk over. Daniel jumped back from the door way in shock.
Then Jack grabbed onto the first thing he could find and chucked it across the room, continuing to throw whatever he could see, giving a war cry with each item. Daniel had never seen him so cross and upset. After he was finished throwing everything, he staggered to the wall behind him. As soon as his back hit, he slid down, agony written all over his face. He bent his knees after a moment, and put his elbows on them so he could put his head in his hands.
Daniel knew he needed to go in. He walked in and sat down next to Jack. Not knowing what was making him do it, he touched Jack's arm. He was expecting Jack to get mad, hit him, walk out of the room, to yell. Not for Jack to look at him.
The look of his face was heart wrenching enough that Daniel didn't even need the loss of Sam to feel sorry for Jack. Daniel put his arm around Jack's back and Jack actually moved to Daniel. Daniel's other arm when to cross Jack, and Jack clung onto his with his hand for dear life. He hid his head behind Daniel's arm.
"Jack," was all Daniel said. Jack began to shake in Daniel's makeshift embrace, and started to cry. At first there was no sound, but then the sobs came. Unbeknown to them, they had two guards. Teal'c was standing guard outside of the door facing the hallway. Jonas was trying to keep people from going into the hallway. Those who braved it didn't dare look into the room if Teal'c was there, even if they could guess what was going on.
He had actually passed out from all of the exertion. The team took him into the infirmary and laid him down on a bed. The three also crashed there that night, needing to be there. Instead of giving them grief, Janet joined them. She took it just as hard as anyone. And Daniel was also there to help her wipe away her tears.
When Jack woke up the next morning, he was a little disoriented. Then, the memories of the day before sank in. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, making sure not to kick a sleeping Jonas. He posture was hunched, and he rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair. He looked up to see Daniel sitting on the opposite bed, looking just as shabby.
"Thanks," he said, nodding his head. And that was all that needed to be said between the two.
Sam's eyes widened with shock as Daniel finished his story.
"Oh, Daniel, I, god I'm so sorry! I don't even, Jesus!" She has having problems even trying to think of what to say to him.
"I can't believe how selfish I've been lately! That never occurred to me! And the Colonel, what he's all done for me, oh god!" Her hands were on hear head in disbelieve. She actually looked like she was going to be sick.
"Sam, it's ok. You know now." He helped her stand straight. He couldn't stay mad at her. He realized that she didn't even consider what everyone else was going through.
He pulled her into a tight embrace, never wanting to let go. He took the moment to savor having her again. God he missed her. She hugged back just as tightly, not wanting to ever lose him again.
"Daniel, I'm sooo sorry," she muttered into his shoulder.
"Shh Sam. It's ok now. It'll all get better soon, I promise." He rubbed her back and slowly swayed back and forth. She slowly pulled away and looked up at him, still holding on.
"I've got to talk to everyone."
"Yeah, you do."
"Teal'c! Wait up a second!" she called down the hallway. He was heading towards the mess hall.
"MajorCarter. May I be any assistance?" he asked as she crossed the distance between them
"Yeah, um, let's go in there," she said as she looked for an empty room. She didn't want everything to be public.
"Teal'c, I just finished talking to Daniel, and, good lord I'm sorry," she said to him as he closed the door. He turned his head and raised his trademark eyebrow.
"MajorCarter?"
"For the way I've been acting. I realized now what everyone went through when you were trying to find me, and I guess I haven't been very grateful. And I am. I've very grateful. If I knew you guys weren't going to be here for me when I got back, I wouldn't have wanted to come home at all. Teal'c I'm so sorry." She walked up to him and hugged him, which surprised him. After a moment, he returned her hug, both holding on for a while.
"I am glad you have returned to yourself, MajorCarter." He smiled at her.
"Yeah me too," she laughed. "Do you know where the Colonel is by chance?"
"He left for the evening. I believe he said he had the Simpsons to watch?"
"Thanks Teal'c, for everything." She smiled at him and walked away.
She walked up to his door, trying to will up the courage to ring the doorbell. She put her finger on top of the button, and then quickly took it away. Shaking her head, she thought of what she needed to do and forcefully pushed the button. Jack came to the door, wearing a black shirt and jeans, his white socks showing at the bottom. He opened up the door with a beer bottle in his hand, looking surprised.
"Cater! What can I do for you?" he asked, happy to see her. Anytime he saw her was good now a days. He wasn't upset with her, just wondering what brought her to his house.
"Hi, sir. I was wondering if I could talk to you," she said to him.
"Ah, sure. Come on it." He held the door open for her. She walked through the hallway and took her jacket off. She was wearing black stretch pants with a white shirt, long sleeved, v neck. She took off her leather jack and put it over the edge of his couch.
"Beer?" he asked.
"Yeah, we're both probably going to need a few." At that exact moment, a 'Do'h!' was heard from his TV.
'Did I just say that?' he thought to himself. He looked nervous and apprehensive as he disappeared to get a new beer for himself and one for her. She was sitting on his couch when he came back.
"So. Carter. You wanted to… talk," he started. Even his voice sounded nervous.
"Yeah." She didn't say anything else until after she took a drink. 'Wow, that felt good,' she thought.
"Ok. I had a talk with Daniel today. And it made me realize a lot of things. And I need to apologize to you."
"What?" he interrupted her.
"No wait. Let me finish." He nodded, looked at her funny, and took a drink. He knew that this would be interesting.
"When I was gone, and even now, I never thought about what you all went through. I was caught up in my own thoughts, and trying to avoid everyone. I didn't care about anything except forgetting what happened to me." She stopped to think about what she wanted to say.
"And now," Jack prompted.
"And now, I do realize what you went through. And god Jack, I'm sorry. I should have thought about what was happening to everyone before I tuned everyone out of my life." He looked confused.
"Well, I'm not supposed to say anything, but Daniel told me about the night you found out that the search for me was getting called off."
"Oh…" he said quietly, and took a long drink of beer. 'Wow this is tastes really good right now,' he thought to himself.
"And here I am, running around, ignoring everyone that is trying to help me. And now I realize that they need me as much as I need them." She sat so she was facing him, one leg curled under the other, put her bottle on the table by her, and put her hand on his.
"I'm sorry Jack," she whispered, looking down.
"Wow Sam, we missed you." His voice started to crack with emotion.
"I know I missed you too." She was holding his hand in hers. He moved his hand so he was holding hers, and raised it to his face, feeling the warmth, reassuring himself that she was really there. His eyes were squeezed shut, trying not to become emotional. She moved her other hand to the other side of her face, and leaned in to kiss him.
It was very much the same as the one they shared when they found her. Nothing sexual about it. They needed each other, but not that way right now. She moved into him, and he held her. She held back as hard as she could, never wanting to let go.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered again into his chest, starting to cry. She was loosing control, and he didn't like it. But there as was nothing she could do.
"Me too Sam. Me too." He let a tear slip out, trying to squeeze the rest in. They sat there, apologizing to each other, crying onto each other, holding each other, never wanting to let go of each other, for the rest of the night, until sleep overcame them.
"Major. Are you ready?" General Hammond was standing on the bottom of the ramp behind Sam and her team.
Jack had spoken to the General about her skills, along with the other commanders of the teams that went with them. It was due time she had her own. It hadn't been an easy road. She talked to everyone she needed to, had nights out with Janet, and finally started to come to terms with what had happened.
"Yes sir." She smiled at him, and he smiled back. He was so proud of her. He knew he wasn't supposed to have favorites…. But he couldn't help it. Only Sam could come back from that.
"You have a go!" he said. She saluted him, and he saluted her back before she walked into the wormhole.
She walked behind her team, just like she was supposed to. Before she went through, she turned around and saw Jack in the control room, smiling down on her. She smiled back, remembering a small piece of advice he gave her.
When they were talking about what happened, he asked her a question: Why did she throw two guns at Alumbi? She was stunned; she didn't even realize it. When he told her, all she could do was laugh. Then, he told her that when she led her team, just to have a few extra guns to throw at enemies. Then, he told her she had her own team.
Taking a refreshing breath of air, she turned around and kept her smile on, and walked through the wormhole, knowing that she could handle whatever was on the other side. And if she couldn't, she knew she had people who could.
The end