Chapter 17:: You Give Me Life

"See you, then." Harry smiled as Ron and Hermione turned to catch the train back to the station to meet her parents for the holidays. "...Safe journey."

Draco came up beside him and put his arm around Harry's shoulders. "It'll be alright Harry, we'll get along fine without them. Come on, let's go eat breakfast?"

"Yea, alright." Harry turned and walked hand in hand with Draco to the great hall. They sat at the far end of the Gryffindor table, nearest to the teacher's tables. Draco and Harry ate their breakfast in silence. Harry picked at his bacon and sighed.

Draco stopped chewing and swallowed. He opened his mouth a few times before speaking. "Are you unhappy with me? With us?"

Harry looked up at Draco. His eyebrows were drawn together and he looked generally sad. "No." Harry reached for his hands and smiled. "If anything you always make me happy. I just miss Ron and Hermione."

"They've been gone not even 45 minutes, Harry."

Harry looked away from Draco and towards the door. "I know." He looked back at Draco and smiled. "We'll find things to do, I'm sure of it." Harry got up and leaned towards Draco kissing the smiling boy's forehead.

Draco got up, walked over to Harry's side of the table, and sat straddling the bench. "I love you, Harry."

"I love you, too Draco." Harry realized as he kissed Draco that he hadn't said 'I love you' to Draco in days. With that thought, he scooted towards Draco and threw his arms around his lover's waist smiling. "I'm sorry that I haven't said I love you more often..."

Draco smiled and tried to tame Harry's hair. "That's alright, as long as you say it at all and mean it – I'm okay." Harry got up and took Draco's hand.

"What do you say to a walk around the castle? I haven't been to a few places in a really long time – and I'd rather like to take a walk."

Draco nodded and followed Harry out of the hall. Just as they got to the door Pansy poked her pug like nose around the corner, and stood directly infront of them. "Where are the two love birds going now, hmmm?"

"We are going no where that would interest you, Parkinson."

"Now, Draco – that's no way to treat a lady."

"I see no lady."

Pansy huffed and brushed past Draco smashing her body into his shoulder. "Filthy, dreadful faggot." Draco rolled his eyes and continued to the left.

"She's quite the charmer." Harry smiled.

Draco snorted and dropped Harry's hand. He set his pace to a brisk walk. "Draco... HEY!"

Draco stopped and turned towards Harry. He was standing slightly out of the doorway. He hadn't noticed that he started to walk like he used to – or that he had just abandoned Harry. "What? Aren't you coming?"

Harry rolled his eyes and took his time catching up to Draco. The two boys walked around the first floor until they found a staircase, and stood in silence as it swung in a new direction – as they often liked to do. They strolled around the 2nd floor, with no particular direction in mind, when Harry spoke up.

"What's happening?"

"What do you mean, Pot-... Harry?"

Harry stopped and stared at Draco. He had turned around abruptly and answered him tersely. Draco hadn't called Harry 'Potter' in a very long time. Harry curled his lip. Draco noticed and softened his features before walking towards Harry who was standing ridged with his arms crossed.

"I'm sorry..."

"Exactly my point, Draco. What's happening to us?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? How can you call of the multiple fights we've been having, and you just now almost calling me Potter again, nothing?"

"I – I wasn't thinking, Harry. I said I was sorry."

"You shouldn't have to think about what to call me, Draco."

Draco stood in silence and watched Harry's face blankly. "What..." Draco looked at the ground and back at Harry before continuing. "What are you saying then?"

Harry stood in silence and his eyes started to fill with tears. He looked at Draco as a tear fell from his eye. His bottom lip started to tremble as he looked at the floor, watching his tear splatter on the stone beneath his feet. "I'm saying, Draco... that... we need to-"

Harry wasn't able to finish before Draco marched past him in a flash of robes. He had a sneer on his face as he looked down at Harry when he passed.

"I... DRACO! COME BACK!" Harry turned and screamed at Draco as he stormed past a couple of fourth years. He nearly sent them flying to their feet as he turned sharply to go down the stairs. "DRACO!!!!" Harry screamed at the top of his lungs, yet still heard the quick footsteps of Draco's boots. The fourth years stood in silence holding eachother for balance and watched Harry's face skew up in anguish and bolt after Draco. They stepped aside quickly as Harry rushed past them as he meant to follow Draco.

Harry had made it down the stairs, though tears were burring his vision, he saw Draco's robe's turn the corner. Harry broke in to a run and followed him, pushing past everyone who now seemed to be purposefully getting in his way. Harry was stopped by Pansy. She stood infront of him and grabbed his arms.

"FUCK OFF PANSY!" Harry tried to get past her.

"Not before you tell me what you did to Draco."

Harry took out his wand and pointed it at her face. "MOVE."

"No."

"I'm warning you Pansy, MOVE IT!"

Harry's face had gone red, and tears were streaming down his cheeks. "What did you say to him, Potter?"

Harry had lost his temper; he nearly slapped her, but then grabbed her shoulders and threw her into the arms of a passer by rather roughly. The boy who had caught her fell down with the unexpected weight of Pansy on top of him.

"GOD DAMNIT POTTER!!!!!"

Harry started to run again as he came face to face with the freshly closed dungeon door that belonged to the Slytherins. He started to bang on the door screaming. "DRACO! LET ME IN! I DIDN'T FINISH WHAT I WANTED TO SAY!"

Professor Black came out of her office to see what the commotion was. "Harry? Harry! What's going on?"

"I need to speak to Draco Professor..." his eyes hurt from the amount of tears flowing. "Please... please let me in to speak with him... I have to speak with him..."

"I'm sorry Harry... You simply aren't allowed to go in to the Slytherin dorm. It's not allowed..." Black looked sadly down at Harry.

Harry was choked by his sobs and slid to the ground. "Please... Please Professor... let me see him... please..." Harry had dropped his head to his hands and began to cry. "I have to fix... I need to see him..."

"I – I'm sorry Harry... I can't..." Black looked at Harry one last time before turning back to her office and closing the door quietly behind her.

Harry was left in the hallway before the door with his knees drawn to his chin crying. The people who heard the commotion had followed him and were all standing at the entrance to the dungeon hallway - they were all watching him cry. No one moved to comfort him, move him, or help him. They all simply stood there in silence.

Draco slammed the door of his private room and ripped out the earring that Harry had given him and threw it across the room. Draco screamed as he punched the wall. "GOD DAMNIT! I FINALLY FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME – AND HE BREAKS IT OFF!!!"

Draco stood in the middle of his room panting, blood was seeping into the collar of his robes. He hadn't noticed that he ripped the earring straight out of his ear; he didn't feel a thing. Draco walked towards the bed and sat on it, putting his face into his hands. He started to cry. He had flashbacks of the night they spent there, the night of the dance, he thought of Harry's smile and the twinkle in his forest green eyes when he laughed. Draco was breathing hard as he made his way to the bathroom.

He stood with his hands on the edge of the counter and stared at himself in the mirror. His cheeks were blotchy and tear stained, his eyes red and puffy. "What am I doing? I'm a Malfoy... Malfoy's - don't - cry." Draco made a face at himself and peeled off his clothing as he got into the shower.

He turned the nozzle to the hottest it could be and stepped into the shower. He didn't cry out when the burning water hit his skin. The fact that he had fallen completely for Harry made him feel dirty. He wanted to wash off every thing – to get rid of the feeling of Harry's hands on his body. Draco continued to cry as the skin on his body turned bright red with irritation from the temperature of the water.

He sank to the bottom of the tub and took his knees in his arms as he cried. "Why Harry...? Why did you have to do that...? Oh God.... God I love you... Harry..." Draco cried stronger than before as the water washed over his silver-blonde hair. The water had a red tinge to it as the head for the drain.
Professor McGonagall had made her way towards the Slytherin tower on Professor Black's request. Harry hadn't left the door and he was sitting against it with a far off look in his eyes, rocking back and forth silently.

"Mr. Potter...?"

Nothing.

"Mr. Potter...?"

Harry vaguely recognized his name and looked up with blurry, puffy eyes. "You need to come with me." Harry looked back at the ground.

"Harry, please get up. You need to move." Professor Black kneeled down and looked at Harry. She moved to touch his face and he jerked back from her touch.

"...I need to talk to him... I can't leave..."

Professor Black stood and faced McGonagall. "He's been saying that whenever I try to get him to move. He's been blocking the entrance to the dorms. He won't move for anyone – except maybe for Ron or Hermione – and they aren't here."

Professor McGonagall nodded her head. Dumbledore appeared behind her and he touched her shoulder. "He won't move, Albus..."

"Ahhh..." Dumbledore walked quietly towards Harry. He stood above him and waited for Harry to look up. When Harry finally did, fresh tears streaked his blotchy cheeks. "Harry, we need you to move. Come with me please?" Harry continued to look at Dumbledore as a tear escaped his green eyes. "Come on." Dumbledore leant down and took Harry's arm. He willingly got up.

Black and McGonagall exchanged looks. Harry only seemed to register Dumbledore as being there. He looked blankly past everyone as they walked away, Dumbledore still holding his arm. Once they disappeared around the corner, Black spoke up.

"Alright everyone, lunch is nearly ready – please proceed to the hall." They all nodded and mumbled under their breath as they walked towards the hall.

"What's gotten into Harry?"

"I don't know, Minerva – I just don't know. I've never seen anyone react like that to a break up – if that's what it was."

"Break up?" Professor McGonagall's eyes widened. "When did they start to-"

"Just after the dance. You can't tell me you didn't know, Minerva."

She shook her head slowly. "No... I never thought it to be true. I've never paid attention to those sorts of silly things."

Black laughed. "Well, this is clearly a sign that you should start paying attention isn't it?"

McGonagall nodded. "I do hope he'll be alright..."

"Time heals everything..."

"I hope so."

Draco woke the next morning. His eyes were still puffy. He questioned whether or not he should get up and get dressed and leave his room. He soon decided that he wouldn't let others have the satisfaction of knowing how upset he had actually been.

He slowly got up and made his way to the dresser. He slipped on a t-shirt with a black sweater overtop of it – making him look paler then ever. He wore a pair of loose, faded jeans. He didn't bother to do anything with his hair he didn't care what it looked like.

He walked down the stairs and found that the students who had remained for the holidays were all sitting in the common room quietly. He met a few of their stares with a sneer and passed through the door.

He walked with a straight back and nearly turned to jelly when he saw Harry round the corner. His hair was as messier than he had ever seen it, and his eyes were still red. He looked up at Draco and knitted his eyebrows together in pain before continuing into the great hall. He sat in the same place that Draco and him had sat the day before. Draco turned and sat at the Slytherin table. Pansy swooped down on him as soon as he sat down.

"Did you and boy wonder break up?"

He looked up and made a face at her. "... I ... Yes." He looked at Harry once he had given her the answer. His head was on his arms and his plate of food was pushed infront of him.

"Good. He wasn't good for you, Draco."

"And you're better for me than he is... err... was?"

"Of course I am. I am a Slytherin, Draco."

"What good does that do me?"

Pansy was taken aback, "It does you a load of good – Slytherin is the best house – and it only works to improve your bruised ego if you started to date me."

Draco snorted. "You would be stuck knowing you were second to Harr.... Potter."

Pansy huffed and got up. "You're insufferable, Draco Malfoy." Draco smiled quickly and looked down at his food.

Harry sighed into his sweater and rested his chin on his arm. He looked over to Draco, and noticed that he was in conversation with his fellow Slytherins. He didn't seem to feel sad or any range of emotion as he spoke with Crabbe. Harry looked away and at the table infront of him.

"I wish that Hermione and Ron were here..." Harry buried his face in his sweater again.

"How're you doin' Harry?" Collin Creevey had sat down infront of Harry and smiled.

"Mmmf..."

"What's that?"

Harry lifted his head slightly and answered before he put his head back down again. "Fine."

"That's good. Got anything planned for the holidays?" Harry looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Not anymore."

"Oh... well my brother and I are staying here – you're welcome to come and hang out with us any time you want Harry!"

"Yeah... Thanks."

"My pleasure!" Collin got up as he was waved over by a few select friends.

Harry rested his head in his hands and sighed. His head was pounding from the amount of crying he had been doing. Draco hadn't even waited to hear what he had to say. He just stormed past without listening. He was going to suggest that they talk about the direction their relationship was going – but Draco obviously thought that Harry was going to break up with him.

Harry stood and started slowly towards the door. He felt numb as he bumped into someone. "Sorry..." he said quietly as he stepped aside.

"Yeah."

Harry looked up. He had bumped into Draco. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before Draco broke eye contact turned to walk down the hallway. "Draco..."

He stopped and turned to face him. "Yes?"

"I need to talk to you..."

"About?"

"Yesterday."

"I don't think there is anything to talk about Potter. You made yourself crystal clear yesterday."

"You didn't listen to what I had to say-"

"I didn't want to stick around and have to hear you say the words I didn't want to hear." Harry winced every time Draco had said 'Potter' in replace of his name.

"What did you think I was going to say?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Draco snapped at him and turned on his heel to walk away.

"No it obviously isn't obvious if I have no idea what you're talking about you fucking git!"

Draco stopped and marched back towards Harry and grabbed his arm. He pulled him into a secluded hallway and spoke. "If you weren't breaking up with me, what the bloody hell were you doing then?"

"I was going to – let go of my arm." Draco looked down quickly and let go, he did however retain the amount of space between them. "I was going to ask you to talk about the direction our relationship was going."

Draco took in a sharp breath. "You... what?"

"I was worried that we were going to end up breaking up if we didn't talk about our problems, Draco. But – since you thought that's the way it was going... you must think that breaking up was the right idea..." Harry turned quietly to leave.

Draco spoke softly. "...Harry..."

He stopped and turned to look at Draco, but said nothing. His eyes were filling with tears again – he mentally hit himself for crying again, he really was pre-menstrual.

"I... Harry..." He walked closer to him, and stopped. He looked into Harry's eyes and frowned at his tears. "Don't cry..." He moved to wipe the tears off his cheeks. Harry flinched as he came closer. "Oh Harry... I'm so sorry... I had no idea..."

Harry took off his glasses and stared at Draco. He looked up into Harry's eyes and was startled to find that he wasn't wearing his glasses. For the first time he noticed how alarmingly green his eyes really were. They were glassed over with tears. They stood in silence before Harry moved to touch Draco's chin. He pulled him towards his body and kissed him. Harry didn't feel there was need for words. He couldn't think of any to say. After the kiss had ended, Draco took Harry in his arms.

"I don't know why I thought you were ending it – but I do know that... at that moment it was the worst feeling in the world. I felt dead, I couldn't think of what it would be like to live without you, Harry...." Harry felt something warm on his neck – he realized that Draco was crying.

"Don't let me be the source of your tears, Draco... I can't bare that." He wiped the tears on Draco's cheeks away with his thumb and looked into his eyes. His green eyes were alive with emotion as he spoke again in a whisper. "I love you Draco, that won't ever change."

Draco smiled as he took Harry in his arms again. "I love you too..."

They stood holding eachother. They both felt as if life had returned to the broken shell they had been just a few short minutes ago. Harry only felt complete when he was in Draco's arms, he felt alive again.