Death by Radio
Written by: Brianna (adpi24) and Missy (MissyJane)
Disclaimer: We don't own anything but the character of Nathanial. We make no profit from this work.
Spoilers: Crash and Burn; Lady Heather's Box
From Brianna and Missy: We wrote this due to our extreme boredom on Saturday night and completed it in less than 24 hours, on Grandfather Mountain (North Carolina) no less. This story is meant to be humorous and silly because god knows this will NEVER happen on the show. Please take it as such. And if it does happen on the show then that means they (the writers/producers) stole the idea from us and in that case we will be demanding our profit. You hear that Anthony Z and Jerry B. LOL.
Note from Brianna: Just wanted to mention that I typed half of this story on my flight home from North Carolina (might as well it was a 4 hour flight). Also, for all my fans out there, I promise I will eventually update my stories; it is really about getting inspiration. Missy and I were inspired to write something funny on Saturday night. I guess you could say we were each other's muses. LOL.
It was an abnormally hot day in Las Vegas; Elaine Alcott was watching the movie "Perfect Town, Perfect Murder" and sipping on a Long Island ice tea while her boyfriend, Hank Pedigrew, was taking a bath. She could hear him singing, rather off key, to Radio Disney. His current song of choice was from The Little Mermaid.
"Look at this stuff, isn't it neat. Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, the girl who has everything?"
Elaine cringes when she hears Hank sing "everything". As much as she loved him, singing was not his forte.
"Don't quit your day job!" Elaine yells.
In the bathroom, Hank stops singing and decides to ignore Elaine's comments. He decides that his current song of choice is way above his vocal range. He slowly pushes through his bubbles to reach the radio which is precariously perched atop the toilet seat. He reaches over and begins to channel surf.
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Listen up everybody if you wanna take a chance. Just get on the floor and do the New Kids' dance. Don't worry 'bout nothing 'cause it won't take long. We're gonna put you in a trance with a funky song, 'cause you gotta be hangin' tough, hangin' tough, hangin' tough. We're rough."
"Not any better" he hears Elaine yell.
He rolls is eyes and continues his search.
"Put on my blue suede shoes, and I boarded the plane. Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues. In the middle of the pouring rain. W.C. Handy - won't you look down over me, cause I got a first-class ticket and I'm as blue as a boy can be. Walking in Memphis.
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale. Walking in Memphis. But do I really feel the way I feel."
"Uh uh, too Nick Stokes." Hank states with disgust and quickly changes the channel.
"Paranoia, paranoia everybody's coming to get me, just say you never met me I'm running underground with the moles, diggin' holes. Hear the voices in my head. I swear to God, it sounds like they're snoring but if you're bored then you're boring. The agony and the irony, they're killing me. Whoa! I'm not sick but I'm not well. And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell. I'm not sick but I'm not well. And it's a sin to live this well."
"Sometimes I wish I never met you!" Elaine yells.
"Yeah, me too" Hank mumbles under his breath.
"I don't want you and I don't need you. Don't bother to resist or I'll beat you. It's not your fault that you're always wrong. The weak ones are there to justify the strong. The beautiful people, the beautiful people, it's all relative to the size of your steeple."
"No, too Greg Sanders." Hank mumbles
He continues to channel surf, desperately hoping to find something.
"I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through, didn't know how lost I was until I found you. I was beat, incomplete. I'd been had, I was sad and blue but you made me feel shiny and new. Like a virgin, touched for the very first time. Like a virgin, with your heartbeat close to mine."
"You're no damn virgin!" Elaine shouts as she comes bursting through the bathroom door.
Hank gives her a blank stare.
"Change the station." She demands and turns to leave. She stops and slowly turns around and says "I was wondering where all my Country Apple bubble bath went." She turns and slams the bathroom door behind her.
Hank shrugs his shoulders and proceeds to search for the "perfect" song.
"I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me. I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts."
Hank decides that this is the perfect song to sing along too. He continues singing, rather loudly and off key to the lyrics. Flailing his arms around as he does. Just at the moment he is sing "I'm too sexy it hurts" his arms knock the radio into the bath tub.
From the living room Elaine hears Hank's baritone voice quickly change to that of a soprano. She runs to the bathroom, opens the door and screams.
"Would you like lemon with your tea?"
"Yes, please. Thank you."
"I haven't seen you since May of last year."
"I didn't know how to approach you."
"It's called a front door."
Grissom leans back in his chair taking in the straightforwardness of her answer.
"Well why did you finally decide to come to the front door last May?" She asks him.
"To prove how sorry I was."
"I knew how sorry you were back in February but in May I was going through some personal issues, which is why our conversation was so abrupt."
She doesn't give him a chance to respond instead she calls out "Raven, can you come here for a moment."
A pixie like girl with blonde hair and a childlike face enters the room.
"Yes Lady Heather."
"Can you please go get Nathanial for me?"
"Yes Ma'am."
Raven quickly leaves the room as Grissom questionably glances at Heather with confusion filled eyes.
Before Grissom can ask Heather who Nathanial is, she stands up and walks around the table behind him. He turns and sees Raven approaching with a baby in her arms. Raven hands the child over to Heather, nods, and quickly exits.
Heather turns to face Grissom and states, "Gil, I would like to introduce you to your son Nathanial."
"What? How? What?"
"If I have to explain the how to you, then you aren't a very good CSI." Heather responds.
"I know how. That's not what I meant."
"Well then rephrase your questions."
Grissom runs his hands over his face.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Heather walks around and sits allowing Grissom to fully see his son for the first time.
"If I had would you have come sooner?"
"Of course."
"I was afraid that you wouldn't. You have enough stress in your life and this would have multiplied it."
"Yes, I do have stress from my job, but I try to keep my personal and professional lives separate from one another."
"We can't change the past. I can't go back and make things as they should have been but I can try to make things as they should be."
Heather stands up and walks to Grissom.
"Would you like to hold your son?"
Heather sees the looks of complete and utter terror cross his face. She smiles.
"You're not going to break him."
She gently places Nathanial into his father's arms, steps back and smiles at the confused faces father and son are sharing.
"How old is he?" Grissom asks
"Seven months."
Grissom looks down at his son and suddenly a sense of awe courses through his body and he feels a sense of completement.
"He's beautiful, just like his mother."
"Yes, but he got his daddy's blue eyes."
Grissom's cell phone vibrates indicating that he has a new message. Heather glances at him.
"I thought you worked the night shift?" she asked.
"I do."
Ignoring his message, he and Heather begin discussing their "new relationship". Five minutes later his pager goes off. Glancing down he sees it is a 911 page from Brass.
"I'm sorry but I need to call Brass."
Before Heather can respond, Grissom pulls out his cell phone without releasing his son.
"Brass, what's the problem? Where's Ecklie's team? Oh, that's going to keep them tied up for a while. The sheriff requested me?"
Grissom continues listening to Brass but glances over to Heather and mouths "I'm sorry".
"I understand." She mouths back.
"I'll be there in fifteen." He hangs up the phone and stares at Heather. "I have Thursday night off. How about I come by that afternoon and that three of us can have dinner together and then we can talk."
Heather nods, Grissom stands and hands Nathanial to his mother. He then leans down and kisses his son on his forehead.
"See you later little guy."
He then gives Heather a kiss on the cheek, "I'll see you on Thursday."
He then leaves the room and exits the house.
Warrick and Nick are standing in the locker room. They had been out on a case and were now grabbing their stuff to head out. Nick though was in the process of changing out of his wet jeans.
"Man, I hate when my jeans get wet. I hate taking off my shoes."
Warrick laughed then stated "Yeah, well it's your own fault. If you weren't staring at a certain paramedic who happens to look like a certain brown haired CSI, you wouldn't have this problem."
Sara just happens to walk into the locker room at the tail end of Warrick's statement and comments "What brown haired CSI is causing a problem?"
Warrick smiles at Sara, while Nick is casting an evil glance at him.
"Oh, Nicky's just falling for a paramedic. Literally."
Sara turns her attention to Nick, who is standing topless, "Really? Which one?"
"No one." "Maria." Nick and Warrick say at the same time.
"Are you talking about Maria Williams? Hank the skanks partner?" Sara asks
The two men immediately burst out laughing at Sara's comment.
Nick smiles. "Hank the skank?" That's great! Why didn't I think of that?"
"Because you weren't the one who was dating him and you weren't cheated on by him."
"True." Nick replies
"But I've met Maria; we joke about how we were separated at birth."
"What do you mean?" Nick asks innocently
"Haven't you noticed that we could pass for twins?"
Nick quickly answers, "No. I haven't. Gotta go." He then rushes out of the locker room.
Sara quizzically watches Nick run out of the locker room, shrugs her shoulders and then glances at Warrick.
"You should have seen him staring at Maria today. He wasn't paying attention and fell right into a puddle."
"Dumbass." Sara say's while laughing, "But what does that have to do with a brown haired CSI?"
"You're a smart girl Sara. Figure it out yourself." Warrick states as he is exiting the locker room with a grin on his face.
Sara turns to her locker and begins to gather her stuff, Warrick's comments still going through her mind. Suddenly it dawns on her; she slams her locker shut and yells, "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!"
Greg comes bursting through the door and rushes to her side.
"Sara, are you okay?"
Sara looks at him and states, "I'm fine. I've got places to go and a man to see." Under her breath Greg can hear her mutter, "Whether I slap him or kiss him is to be determined."
Greg gives her a confused look as she walks out.
"Man to see? What? Slap, kiss, huh? And people thought I was weird."
When Grissom arrived at the scene he saw that Sheriff Atwater and Brass were already waiting for him.
"What have we got?" Grissom asks.
"A possible four nineteen. We received a frantic 911 call but when we arrived the house was empty besides the victim." Brass states.
Grissom turns to Atwater, "why was I called out for a four nineteen when one of Ecklie's team could have been taken off their case and brought in and handled this?"
"Because the possible four nineteen victim involves one of our own." Atwater pauses, "the victim is Hank Pedigrew."
Grissom nods and heads into the house. The officers within the house nod to him and one points in the direction of the bathroom. Grissom finds Vega standing in front of the bathroom door.
"Vega."
"Grissom."
"Hank Pedigrew, thirty four, found in a tub of water with a radio in it. Water on the floor."
Grissom nods and soon the three men were joined by Catherine, although only two could acknowledge her presence.
"Gil, Vega." She says as a way of greeting. "I hear we have a possible four nineteen involving Hank."
Grissom glances at her, "How did you hear about it?"
"Brass called. Said he wanted the best and here I am." She gave Grissom a smile and winked at him.
Grissom smiles back. Vega leaves the two of them to allow them to get to work. They place their kits on the floor, open them and remove a set of gloves. Grissom was about to enter the bathroom but was stopped by Catherine's arm.
"Careful, the cord is still plugged in." She states pointing to the radio cord. She leans forward, reaches over and unplugs it.
She then turns to Grissom and asks, "What do you think happened? Brass told me that a woman called 911 and her voice was frantic."
"Well there are a few possible scenarios. Such as this could be suicide."
Catherine snorts, rolls her eyes and replies, "Yeah right. If you were a paramedic with access to less painful ways to kill yourself would you really sit in a tub and then throw a radio in it. I think not. But knowing this dumbass he probably knocked it in himself."
"First, it was only a scenario. Second, as much as you hate Hank he is still the victim and we don't call victims dumb asses."
"Well he is a dumb ass. Why are you so forgiving of what he did? I know Nick and Warrick were and are ready to pummel him." She turns and glances at Hank's body, "well they're too late now. I know that I made it my goal to make his life a living hell whenever I saw him."
"You need to put your personal feelings aside." Grissom states professionally.
"How can you say that? This is Sara we are talking about."
"This has nothing to do with Sara. Our main concern right now is the victim who just so happens to be Hank."
Catherine nods and they begin to process the scene in silence. About five minutes into it Grissom speaks up, "I was angry with Hank over what he did to Sara, but that is not the issue right now. Our anger can only hinder us. You just stated that Nick and Warrick wanted and still want to pummel him. That statement can somehow turn them into prime suspects if this is in fact a murder. We need to stay professional because it would hurt Sara more if Nick or Warrick were considered suspects."
Catherine takes a deep breath, acknowledging his words and states, "your right."
They continue to process the scene is silence. David finally gets there about thirty minutes later and pronounces time of death. The coroners proceed to get Hank's body out of the tub.
David takes a deep breath then asks, "Why does he smell like Country Apple?"
Catherine points to the Bath and Body Works bubble bath bottle and states, "that could be why."
Catherine continues to watch as the body is put on the stretcher.
"Sara was right, huge ego, ity bitty package."
"Professionalism Catherine." Grissom states firmly.
"Just stating the obvious."
A hint of red crosses Grissom's face. He turns away from Catherine and continues to process the bathtub without further comment.
Sara was pissed.
She parked her Denali and quickly walked into the lab. She is walking down the hall and approaching the DNA lab she hears Greg singing. As she gets closer she can begin to make out the lyrics. She reaches the lab and stops watching Greg from the doorway.
"Look at me I'm Sandra Dee, lousy with virginity. Won't go to bed til I'm legally wed. I can't I'm Sandra Dee."
Sara stands outside the lab with her mouth agape and a "what the hell" expression plastered to her face. She continues to watch him sing to Grease, dancing around the room with a blonde wig on his head. Eventually, she covers her mouth in an attempt to hold back her laughter while wishing she had a video camera with her.
"Elvis, Elvis let me be. Keep that pelvis far from me." Greg sings while thrusting his pelvis out.
At that movement Sara is unable to contain her laughter and bursts out. Greg turns around and smiles at her, quickly turning down the volume and removing the wig from his head.
"Sara" Greg states, "What are you doing here?"
"I work here remember. And why the hell are you so happy?"
Greg quickly answers, "Oh uh I think I might have found someone to replace me in the lab so that I can get out in the field." He pauses then quickly continues, "I thought you had places to go and a man to see, one who you were to either slap or kiss. Which one was it?"
"What?"
"Did you slap or kiss him?"
Sara huffs, "Neither, he wasn't at his apartment."
Greg shrugs and they continue talking when suddenly Greg states, "Oh Nick's here."
"Really? Where?" Sara say's turning.
"He just walked by."
"I'll see you later Greg." Sara states and heads out of the DNA room. She reaches the hallway and sees Nick heading towards the break room.
"Nicky get your cute Texan ass back here." Sara yells down the hall seriously.
Nick halts his movement, turns and sees an extremely pissed Sara, confusion and fear quickly become evident on his face.
Sara points to Nick and sternly states, "YOU!" she then points and turns her head towards the locker room door and says, "THERE!", she then turns her attention back to Nick and states, "NOW!"
Nick visibly gulps and slowly walks to the locker room, following an angry Sara in and wondering what the hell he had done this time to make her so angry.
He walks into the locker room and is immediately shoved to the lockers by Sara.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Sara states loudly, full of anger.
Nick takes a breath, "I didn't know how to tell you. I wasn't sure how you would react."
"You should have told me. I had a right to know."
"Yes, you are right." Nick states, "But I just found out from Catherine."
"Catherine." Sara mutters, "What does Catherine have to do with this? Did Catherine tell you to stop starring at Maria and just ask me out?"
The confusion returns to Nick's face, "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you staring at Maria because you like me." Sara practically yells, "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Hank." Nick states, "Wait a second, how do you know that I like you?" He questions her.
"Warrick told me."
"Dead man walking." Nick mumbles.
"Well, we can argue about our "relationship"" Sara states, using her fingers for quotation marks to emphasize her point. "But what does Hank have to do with anything?"
"You haven't heard have you?" Nick asked softly
"Heard what?" Sara asked just as softly back.
"Hank was possibly murdered this morning. Warrick and I are suspects." Nick stated
Sara drops to the bench in shock. "He's dead. You're a suspect. You weren't home. I tried to find. You hated him." Sara mutters under her breath trying to come to grips with what she has just been told. She looks up at Nick, worry coursing through her eyes.
"Nicky, did you do something?"
Nick sits down next to her and puts his arm around her shoulders, "of course not."
"But you weren't home. I tried to find you."
"I met Warrick at the gym and we played racquetball."
"Did anyone see you?" Sara asked
"No not really. We had to swipe our membership cards to gain access to the club. We did have to sign out the equipment from a worker, so that person was the only one we had contact with."
Suddenly Sara smacks him in the chest, yelling, "Don't scare me like that. I couldn't handle one of my best friends being charged with murder."
"Sara, I'm sorry. I really thought you knew this was going on. Warrick and I are waiting for Vega to verify our alibi and then everything will be okay."
Sara leans back against the lockers taking a deep breath.
Nick smiles at her, giving her a cocky look. "So you know I like you?"
His comment angers Sara and she slaps him, hard, in the face.
"What was that for?" Nick asks slightly taken aback by her sudden change in behavior.
"For not telling me sooner." She states, "dumb ass."
Sara stands up, still mad at Nick, he quickly follows suit standing as well.
"So now I'm a dumb ass?"
"You bet you are." Sara states turning to face him. She grabs his shirt and pulls him to her. Their lips meet in a sweet, yet passionate, first kiss. She abruptly ends the kiss and states, "mission accomplished" then walks out of the locker room leaving a bewildered Nick behind.
Catherine and Grissom are in the layout room going over all the evidence they had gathered in Hank's case. They only found the prints of Hank and Elaine Alcott in the household and neighbors confirmed that the two had been living together for about nine months. The neighbors also stated that they had not seen any suspicious figures around the house. Until Elaine either came forward or was found they were at a dead end.
"So what's your grand scenario now?" Catherine asked
Before Grissom could respond an angry Sara came storming into the layout room.
"I just heard that Hank was possibly murdered and that Nick and Warrick are suspects! Will somebody please tell me what is going on and will somebody please tell me now!"
"Sara calm down." Grissom states. "Vega is checking out their alibi to confirm and we have absolutely no evidence that anyone other than Hank and Elaine were present in the house."
"Sara don't worry." Catherine stated reassuringly, "We all know that Nick and Warrick could never do anything like this. Plus, if they did they would find some better way of killing the guy other than throwing a radio in his bubble bath."
"Bubble bath?" Sara questions
Catherine smirks, "Hank was taking a bubble bath, with Bath and Body Works Country Apple bubble bath no less, when he died."
"Well at least he smelled good." Sara replied with a hint of humor in her voice.
The three stood in silence for a moment; it was eventually broken by the shrill ring of Grissom's cell phone.
"It's Brass." He tells Sara and Catherine then walks out of the room.
Catherine waits a moment, and then turns to Sara, "you were right."
Sara looks at her quizzically and Catherine continues, "He wouldn't have been very good at giving you the big O."
Sara laughs, "no he wasn't." She states heading toward the door. She then turns and states, "and the Oscar goes to Sara Sidle for best faking of an orgasm."
Suddenly a voice whispers in her ear, "I can show you how a real man does it and there will be no fake screams."
Sara smiles conspiratorially and turns to Nick and whispers back, "my place or yours?"
"How about you come over for breakfast and then I can show you."
"Hey guys." Catherine states, "I swear if I didn't say anything I think you two would have gone right at it here on the floor." Catherine walks out, she then turns and says to them, "by the way, I'm glad the two of you have finally decided to do something about the sexual tension that has been coursing between you two since you arrived here Sara. Have fun!" She then walks off.
Catherine sees Grissom walking towards her and she calls out, "Hey Griss, what did Brass want?"
"I was just coming to get you. Elaine Alcott is with Detective Vega right now."
"Let's go."
"Can I get you anything?" Detective Vega asks Elaine.
"Um, no thanks."
The door to the interrogation room opens and in walks Catherine and Grissom.
"Hello Miss Alcott. My name is Gil Grissom and this is Catherine Willows, we are with the crime lab and we are investigating Hank Pedigrew's death."
"It's nice to meet you Mr. Grissom and its good to see you again Ms. Willows. I wish the circumstances were different though."
"As do we." Catherine states.
"Elaine why don't you tell us what happened."
"First I would like to apologize for not being at the house when the paramedics and cops arrived. After I found Hank and called 911 I freaked and needed to be alone."
"Why don't you just start at the beginning?" Catherine states somewhat motherly.
"Well it started out that I was watching TV when suddenly this horrible, and I mean horrible, singing voice came from the bathroom. Hank was in there. I thought he was taking a shower but he decided to take a bath, a bubble bath using my bubble bath."
Elaine pauses then continues, "He was singing along to Radio Disney. I guess he wanted to let out his inner child. I yelled for him to change the channel, which he did but he kept channel surfing and starting to sing along with whatever was playing. I finally drew the line at Like a Virgin. I stormed into the bathroom and yelled at him to decide on a channel. I left the bathroom and sat back down on the couch. By this time he was singing along to the song I'm too Sexy. Suddenly, his voice went from a low baritone to a high soprano in a matter of seconds. I knew something was immediately wrong and jumped up from the couch. I found him in the tub with water all over the floor and the radio that was sitting on the toilet seat now in the tub. I screamed, called 911 and then fled." By the end of her story, Elaine was in tears. Catherine reached across the table and handed her a tissue.
"Thank you for the information. That is all we need to know." Grissom states, "You are welcome to go. Detective Vega will escort you out."
"We are sorry for your loss." Catherine says.
On the other side of the one way mirror are Nick, Warrick, Sara and Greg, all are attempting to contain their laughter and are failing miserably.
The door opens and out walks Grissom and Catherine with Vega and Elaine following. Vega escorts Elaine out of the building while Grissom and Catherine stop and stand with the team.
"Well you two didn't get to pummel him." Greg states to Nick and Warrick, breaking the silence.
"Greg, I find that highly inappropriate. A CSI must be professional at all times."
"But Grissom come one, he was a dumb ass." Warrick states.
"Yeah, what kind of moron pushes his radio into the tub?" Nick replies.
"Well at least he went out on a high note." Sara states causing the group, minus Grissom, to burst out laughing.
"I find this conversation inappropriate and I have business to attend too." Grissom states.
"And what business is that?" Catherine asks.
"Personal." Grissom replies.
"Since when do have personal business to attend to?" Sara asks.
"Since I found out I have a seven month old son." Grissom states walking away from the group towards his office.
The group stands there with their mouths wide open and confusion on their faces. Suddenly it dawns upon all of them and they state at the same time;
"Lady Heather."
THE END
Missy and I do not own the songs we had Hank and Greg sing. We make no profit from them. We included them in the story for dramatic purposes only. No copyright infringement intended. We are both poor so you won't get much if you feel the need to sue.
We also do not own the Academy Awards or the term "and the Oscar goes to". Again this was used for dramatic purposes only and again no infringement was intended.
We are also planning a sequel and have already begun writing it. The sequel might take some time with us now being 3000 miles apart. But we will most definitely be writing one if people really want one.
Songs (in order of when they are "sung"):