Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda, we don't own anything so don't try to sue
us, cause you won't get anything. We're flipping teenagers with no jobs
that haven't even gotten their highschool diplomas yet. Back off buddy!
Author's Note: We're back and we're kicking ass and taking names! We apologize for the lack of updates and our disappearing off the planet and what not. Not much has changed...Allison got purple streaks and Sarah still doesn't have a boyfriend. Jen still gets pissy. We have yet to find what's up her ass. All in all, things are still good and there's still lots of love. We haven't forgotten our fans. (If we actually REALLY have any....) Alright, let's get down to business......
Chapter 4-We're in charge now, you got a problem with that Blondie McRich Rich? We are the witches of Ni!
Last time we left them, the unlucky 3 had just been contemplating the mystery behind Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. This was quickly forgotten, though, as the compartment door slammed open. And who stood in the door jam but that little blonde, hair-product obsessed freak, Draco Malfoy, along with his two goons Crabbe and Goyle.
"You there!" Draco said as he pointed in the general direction of the trio. The three girls exchanged confused looks then stared at Malfoy.
"What do YOU want you little.....you little......uhhnnnnn...." Allison started as she stood up. Suddenly she felt Sarah's hand on her shoulder.
"Just.....just sit down Allison." She told her as Allison looked as if she was still thinking of an insult. She was never good at those. Sarah continued, "So what do you want you little dumb bastard?"
"Sarah!" Allison and Jen sounded together.
"We don't even know who he IS yet!" Jen said. Malfoy didn't look phased. He gave the three girls a withering glare that wasn't even up to Allison's standards, then spoke again in his "I'm better than you" voice.
"Who are you three? Where's Potter and his two stupid friends?"
"Well we don't know where Potter is, but we can see those two stupid friends. They're standing right behind you!" Sarah retorted. Crabbe and Goyle began to advance towards the girls in anger. Allison started towards the two boys with an evil glint in her eye.
"It's alright boys," Malfoy said. "She's got a point." Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other in a confused way, shrugged, then returned to their places. Jen stood up to join Sarah and Allison. They stood shoulder to shoulder.
"We're in charge now, you got a problem with that Blondie McRich Rich?" Sarah posed.
"We're their foreign exchange replacements." Jen said.
"Pfft, yeah, thanks to you Jen." Allison said harshly. Jen looked aghast. Jen started to retort when Draco started talking again.
"Oh...........well then! How old are you three fine ladies?"
"Old enough." Replied Sarah with a look that kind of said 'grrrr!'.
"Old enough for what?"
"To kill you." Allison said shortly (also with a look that said 'grrrrr.').
"No we're not killing ANYONE Allison!" Jen said quickly.
"Oh.....well, how would you ladies like to join me and my friends in our compartment?" Draco suggested. That's when Sarah got pissed.
"Listen, you'd better skedaddle on outta here, don't cha know," Sarah began in a Minnesota accent for some really weird reason. "And you better hurry! Or else we'll say the magic word!"
"Magic word? What magic word are you talking about?"
The unlucky 3 exchanged knowing glances. Sarah finally spoke, "We shall saaay....." Knowing glances were exchanged once more, ".......NI!" Malfoy almost fell to his knees in agony.
"Oh please, no!" Malfoy yelled. "Not that WORD!" A small squeaky 'Ni' then came from Allison's mouth. Crabbe covered his ears and bashed his head against the wall. Jen then joined in, taking a deep breath then yelling very loudly "NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" The whole train heard. It was so loud, and traveled so far that it had its own FM radio channel.
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Five miles down the train tracks, a random farmer tried to calm his horses.
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Back at the cabin, Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle were already halfway back to their seats, running their pansy asses off. Sarah walked and stood in the door frame, pointed towards him and yelled in a British accent, "And I am a lady, sir!" She slammed the door, then sat back down in her seat. All together the three girls burst out laughing. They continued to laugh then all of a sudden, heard Sarah give a loud, involuntary snort. They all dropped to the floor, laughing so hard that they had to pee. It was a mad dash to the bathroom. After they had all relieved themselves, Sarah got an idea. "You guys! I got an idea!" She announced. Allison and Jen groaned in unison. "Let's go steal stuff, then throw that stuff at other stuff!" Allison's expression brightened.
"Hey! That's actually a good idea Sarah!"
They all went into Allison's carry-on bag which held her "special" equipment and pulled out three walkie-talkies. Before they split up, Sarah stopped them. "Wait, you guys, we've got to test these out!"
"What for?" Jen asked.
Sarah answered, "You know....Every time we split up, I always get kidnapped, and I always need you guys to rescue me. We need to see how loud you can hear my scream over the walkie-talkies."
"Okay." Allison said. Sarah pressed the talk button. She recited her famous walkie-talkie catch-phrase.
Sarah made a static sound even though the walkie-talkie already did that, then continued on, "Sarah to Jen. Sarah to Jen. AH! AH! Over." After that, she made another static sound. "How's that?" She asked.
"Fine." Allison replied.
"You don't have to make that static sound Sarah, it already does that." Jen said simply. Sarah pressed the talk button again.
"Okay I won't make the 'crcrcrcc' sound again, crcrcrcc." She said. "...that was the last one."
After the 'crcrcrcc' (incase you haven't figured it out by now, that's what the static sound is supposed to sound like) incident, they finally split up. Sarah, of course, ran down the hallway screaming like death itself was after her, flailing her arms as she always does at the beginning of a crazy caper. Jen pulled out a book called, 'How to Steal Things and Where to Steal 'em'. She began with the chapter on kitchens. Allison decided to go up to the engine and steal some hot coals to break up and blow through her dart gun at people. Sarah decided to go through random people's rooms and linen closets to steal hand towels and soaps in the shape of Hogwarts crests, witch hats and jack-o-lanterns.
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After finishing the chapter on Kitchens, Jen decided to try out her new skills in the pantry (because that was the closest thing they had to a kitchen on the train). Jen spotted the cart lady coming down the hall towards her. Jen immediately tucked and rolled into the pantry and closed the door behind her. She stood up, turned on the light, and was greeted by the sight of shelves full of junk food. There was a heavenly light that shone down upon the sugary gold, and Jen swore she could hear a choir singing, possibly a song composed by Mozart, Bach, or someone, ya know, good like that. Jen spread out her arms as if wishing to hold the junk food in a tight embrace and sang but one word. One glorious word that can only describe that moment there and now. "...Jaaaaaaaackpottttt." She then began stuffing everything in sight down her top, bra, pockets, thighs, socks, and even some candy canes tucked behind her ears. Unexpectedly, the pantry door swung open and a short, plump, cart lady stood in the doorway shocked.
"What are you doing in here?" The cart lady asked in a surprised voice.
"Nothing.....What are YOU doing in here?" Jen asked back.
"I'm the cart lady. Didn't I see you earlier? You were much thinner half an hour ago."
Jen stopped everything she was doing and quickly thought of an excuse. ".....Um." She began to pretend to cry. "I have a really slow metabolism okay? I've gone to so many doctors, and done so many things, but nothing seems to work!" Jen then turned it into a whimpering whisper. "Can't anyone see me for who I am? *sniff* Inside?" Jen finished the sentence breathlessly while holding a hand against her heart, as if she was deeply hurt and misunderstood. She began to wail and cry. "OH GOD!" She cried, as she pulled a chocolate bar out of her bra. She unwrapped it and took a bite while still pretending to cry. "It's good!" She whined. She then finished it all and proceeded to pull a chocolate frog out of her pocket. Opening it, the frog jumped out, but she caught it in the air. "Come 'ere you little bastard." Jen bit the frog's head off while whining mournfully. "Poor froggy, he didn't deserve that ya know." Jen said to the cart lady. She continued, "Farewell dear froggy. You'll forever be known as Chocolate Frog #456 *sniff*"
As Jen finished, the cart lady was staring at her wide-eyed. She slowly backed away and shut the door behind her, leaving Jen to wallow in her so-called sadness and self-pity in the dark pantry. As the door shut, Jen waited a few seconds then burst out of the pantry panting. "Oh God, I feel sick!" She clutched her stomach and groaned. After recovering, she then retreated back to the cabin and sat down, waiting for the others to return.
************************************************************ Meanwhile, Allison was making her way towards the front of the train so she could swipe some hot coals to fire at people through her blowgun. As she neared the engine, she crept along the walls and imagined the Mission Impossible Theme song in her head. She was about to Judo-chop the dude (we don't know what a guy who drives a train is called!) when he turned around and said, "Oi! What are you doing up here?" Allison stopped, shifted her eyes back and forth and said, "...............Um..." She reached behind her back and pulled (out of nowhere) her tranquilizer gun, shooting the poor dude in the neck. He fell to the ground with a loud thump. Stepping over his body, Allison sighed in relief. "Phew, I haven't inflicted any pain on anyone since Burney Bob!" She started to collect hot coals in her hand, forgetting that they were hot. Yelling in pain, she realized that she had just pulled a Sarah.
************************************************************** At the exact moment Allison had pulled a Sarah, Sarah felt a sudden wave of idiocy that almost knocked her off her feet. Sarah held her chest in recovery and said, "Whoa. I think one of my little buddies just pulled a Sarah. I have a sudden craving for Pan-Asian cuisine...............It must've been Allison!" Sarah then carried on with what she was doing. ***************************************************************
Back to Allison....
Looking around for something to pick up the hot coals with, Allison spotted a pair of thongs. Just as she was about to pick the coals up, she realized that there was a mistake! Looking up at the ceiling, she yelled, "JEN! We've got a typo! It's TONGS not THONGS!" Looking around (again) for something to pick up the hot coals with, Allison spotted a pair of TONGS and said, "That's better!" She began picking up the coals and putting them in her pockets. Of course, they quickly began to burn holes in her clothes, causing her to jump around, panicking as she started to smoke. "AH! AH! AH!"
******************************************************* Once again we rejoin with Sarah, who was busy snooping around the linen closets. There was another sudden jolt of stupidity, which actually knocked her to the ground this time. Sarah reached out for something to grab and found the doorknob of the linen closet. She fell on one knee and held her chest with her other hand. Panting she said, "WHOA! Now I want Pan-Asian cuisine and Chinese Black Tea! What the HELL is Allison doing?!" After recovering, she went back to stealing linens and guest soaps. *****************************************************************
Allison had finally found a bucket and loaded it up with coals. She bashed the bucket against the wall a few times to break up the pieces, then started hunting for prey. As she walked out of the engine room (or whatever- you know what we mean) she spotted the cart lady. Wanting to test out her new toy, she loaded a hot coal chunk into her blow gun. She shot it down the hall and it hit the cart lady right in between the eyes. The cart lady fell to the floor, knocked out. Lowering her gun, Allison stared wide-eyed down the hall at where the cart lady should be standing. All she could bring herself to say was, "Oh....................Oh shit." She then immediately returned back to the cart, grabbing some candy off the cart as she passed.
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And we finally come to Sarah..............God help us all.
Trying to disguise herself, Sarah wrapped her head with a towel, and made some emergency warm blankets into a toga as she came out of a linen closet. Beginning to make her way around the train, Sarah looked around for rooms to steal from and possibly a drink to wash down the soapy taste in her mouth. She had stupidly mistaken them for candy and shoved them in her mouth. Suddenly, Sarah heard voices coming towards her, and before she could hide she was being interrogated by four first-years.
"Who are you?" One asked innocently.
"I'm...........uhn..................*Think of a name, any name!*.............Sarah. *D'oh!* I mean, I'm the magical, mystical, Sirus Black!" Sarah replied.
The group of first years gasped. One asked bravely, "You mean, SIRIUS Black?"
"NO! SIRUS Black! I work in a movie theatre!" (We'll tell you the story at the end of the chapter, you have to read it in order to get this joke, it's hilarious.)
"......What?"
"Oh yes. And I'm from the mystical lands of..................*Think of a country, any country!*...............Canada. *D'OH!*"
"Canada? Isn't that in the west?" One of the first-years inquired.
"Why yes it is," Sarah said, pointing thoughtfully. "Very good. You know, you're a lot smarter than some people. Americans, for example, don't know where we are but we're right above them! WE SHARE LAKES! (We're really sorry, please read the author's note at the end for an explanation) ....................Okay gotta go kiddies! Muahahahahhaahah!" Sarah threw down a guest soap on the floor, expecting it to somehow ignite and smoke. I mean, what the hell. The first-years just stood there staring at her, as she stopped her fake evil laughter, shifted her eyes from left to right and thinking of a way out by pointing down the hall and yelling, "VOLDEMORT!" The first years didn't even look down the hall. They scrambled and began scurrying around the hallways flailing their arms and for some reason, swatting at their hair, screaming, "He's in my hair! He's in my haaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr!"
Spotting an open compartment door, Sarah sped down the hallway and dove into the luggage in the compartment. As she got up and dusted herself off, she looked around and found an amazing stash of..................stuff. She found; three wands, three suitcases of robes, two owls, one weird looking red bird, and a lock of Orlando Bloom's hair. Sarah grabbed the stuff and began to walk out of the compartment when Allison and Jen walked in to the room. "Hey guys!" Sarah said. "Can you guys recognize me in my disguise? It's me, Sarah! I'm wearing a disguise! Aren't I clever?" Allison and Jen exchanged looks before Sarah continued, "OH, and look at all the stuff I stole! Three wands, three suitcases, two owls, a weird looking red bird that looks a lot like Allison's phoenix, and a lock of Orlando Bloom's hair!" Allison inspected the lock of hair in Sarah's hand. Jen had figured it out in about .25 seconds before they had even walked in the room, and was now shaking her head at Sarah.
"Sarah!" Jen sighed.
"Wha-?"
Allison threw out her hands in frustration. "You stole OUR stuff!................And gimme that hair!" Allison grabbed the hair out of Sarah's hand and began stroking it lovingly, while hugging it up to her face.
"...........................Allison you're sick." Sarah said simply.
"Sarah, how is it possible for you to steal OUR stuff?" Jen questioned.
Sarah threw off her disguise and explained, "Well, my towel turban kept falling down over my eyes and I couldn't see where I was going!"
"Suuureee........" Jen said as she started to unload all of the candy from inside her clothes. "You guys help me!" Sarah and Allison sat down beside Jen and started helping her. Just then, Sarah heard the squeak of the cart lady's trolley. She cupped a hand to her ear and said, "The cart lady's coming! The cart lady's coming!"
"Quick, stuff it back IN!" Jen yelled. "Stuff it back in!" The three girls scrambled around and stuffed the candy back in from whence it came. Then the cart lady walked in the compartment and asked them if they wanted anything off of the trolley.
"Well, I don't think we can fit anything else in Jen's clothes." Sarah explained. Allison smacked Sarah upside the head because of her stupidity. "I mean," Sarah began correcting herself. ".......................No. We're full." Right then, a chocolate frog leaped out of Jen's bra and out of the window.
"What was that?" The cart lady asked.
"Uhn...............................nothin'." The three said in unison as Sarah slammed the door in the cart lady's face.
"Where'd it go?!" Jen screamed.
"Out the window!" Allison screamed back.
"CRAAAAAP!" Jen began to run towards the window, just about to jump out to catch the frog. Just before she did, Sarah yelled, "No Jen DON'T! Do you know what that act of stupidity is gonna do to me? WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" But it was too late. Jen had already, stupidly, jumped out the window. The sudden wave of Jen's idiocy hit Sarah, causing her to fly out the window after Jen. Jen was grabbing on to the side of the train outside of the window, and Sarah grabbed on to Jen's ankles as she flew past.
"Jen you IDIOT!" Sarah yelled at her. They spotted the chocolate frog clinging to the side of the train as well. Allison stuck her head out of the window to see what happened to Sarah and Jen. Just then, the train went over a large bump, causing the chocolate frog to loose its grip and fly back towards Allison's head. Allison swiftly opened her mouth and caught the frog, swallowing it whole.
"Mmm, air frogs." Allison said as she pulled her head back in the window without even a word to her friends. Sarah and Jen looked at each other and said in unison, "ALLISON! Help us!" Allison stuck her head back out the window to help but she couldn't pull them back in. Sarah had an idea.
"Jen! Let go!"
"WHAT?!?!?!?"
"Just trust me!"
"The last time I trusted you Sarah, we were being swarmed by GOBLINS!"
"Just do it cause we're coming to a tunnel!" Jen didn't know what Sarah had in mind but she let go of the train. Since that was a VERY stupid act done by Jen, the force of it knocked Sarah back into the train, pulling Jen, by her ankles, with her. Sarah and Jen smashed into Allison, the three of them sprawling onto the floor. The train came to a sudden halt. They laid there on the compartment floor, legs in the air, backs bent over, not moving at all. Then Allison said angrily, "Looks like we're here."
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Author's Note: Wow that was one long ass chapter! Anyways, the American thing was because of whenever we watch Jeopardy, and the contestants have to answer questions about Canada, they always get them wrong. They're the easiest questions in existence. We're sorry, we don't want to offend anyone, we're just speaking from experience.
Now, about the Sirus Black thing........................
We went to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets five days before it opened because Allison's mom works in advertising and gets a lot of free stuff. So we got free tickets. Before the movie started, there was this dude who came into the theatre wearing a really crappy wizard costume with a microphone. He also had a really cool light-up Gandalf staff thing. Anyways, he spoke into the microphone and said, "I am SIRUS BLACK from the third Harry Potter movie!" He tried to sound really really mighty and powerful, but didn't succeed. #1: It's Sirius, not Sirus. #2: The third Harry Potter movie wasn't even in the making at that time. #3: He dug himself a deeper hole as he continued, "I started as a lowly magician. Then I graduated and became a conjurer. Next I advanced to become a Necromancer, and then I was a wizard. But now! Now I am a SORCERER!" Okay, it was totally silent as he was saying this, as the children sat in awe. And then it happened. Jen's terribly loud (and rude) laughter sounded through the theatre. Sarah and Allison began to laugh quietly, but couldn't hold it in and joined in the hysterical laughter. Suddenly, Jen yelled, "It's SIRIUS!" In a high-pitched voice, correcting him. It was frikin' hilarious, you all should have been there. Honestly.
OH yeah so, we're sorry for the really long wait, we haven't updated in a long time, and for the long author's note. Oh, and we're sorry again for the American crack. And to the cart lady. She was a really nice lady. We should send her a check in the mail.
Author's Note: We're back and we're kicking ass and taking names! We apologize for the lack of updates and our disappearing off the planet and what not. Not much has changed...Allison got purple streaks and Sarah still doesn't have a boyfriend. Jen still gets pissy. We have yet to find what's up her ass. All in all, things are still good and there's still lots of love. We haven't forgotten our fans. (If we actually REALLY have any....) Alright, let's get down to business......
Chapter 4-We're in charge now, you got a problem with that Blondie McRich Rich? We are the witches of Ni!
Last time we left them, the unlucky 3 had just been contemplating the mystery behind Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. This was quickly forgotten, though, as the compartment door slammed open. And who stood in the door jam but that little blonde, hair-product obsessed freak, Draco Malfoy, along with his two goons Crabbe and Goyle.
"You there!" Draco said as he pointed in the general direction of the trio. The three girls exchanged confused looks then stared at Malfoy.
"What do YOU want you little.....you little......uhhnnnnn...." Allison started as she stood up. Suddenly she felt Sarah's hand on her shoulder.
"Just.....just sit down Allison." She told her as Allison looked as if she was still thinking of an insult. She was never good at those. Sarah continued, "So what do you want you little dumb bastard?"
"Sarah!" Allison and Jen sounded together.
"We don't even know who he IS yet!" Jen said. Malfoy didn't look phased. He gave the three girls a withering glare that wasn't even up to Allison's standards, then spoke again in his "I'm better than you" voice.
"Who are you three? Where's Potter and his two stupid friends?"
"Well we don't know where Potter is, but we can see those two stupid friends. They're standing right behind you!" Sarah retorted. Crabbe and Goyle began to advance towards the girls in anger. Allison started towards the two boys with an evil glint in her eye.
"It's alright boys," Malfoy said. "She's got a point." Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other in a confused way, shrugged, then returned to their places. Jen stood up to join Sarah and Allison. They stood shoulder to shoulder.
"We're in charge now, you got a problem with that Blondie McRich Rich?" Sarah posed.
"We're their foreign exchange replacements." Jen said.
"Pfft, yeah, thanks to you Jen." Allison said harshly. Jen looked aghast. Jen started to retort when Draco started talking again.
"Oh...........well then! How old are you three fine ladies?"
"Old enough." Replied Sarah with a look that kind of said 'grrrr!'.
"Old enough for what?"
"To kill you." Allison said shortly (also with a look that said 'grrrrr.').
"No we're not killing ANYONE Allison!" Jen said quickly.
"Oh.....well, how would you ladies like to join me and my friends in our compartment?" Draco suggested. That's when Sarah got pissed.
"Listen, you'd better skedaddle on outta here, don't cha know," Sarah began in a Minnesota accent for some really weird reason. "And you better hurry! Or else we'll say the magic word!"
"Magic word? What magic word are you talking about?"
The unlucky 3 exchanged knowing glances. Sarah finally spoke, "We shall saaay....." Knowing glances were exchanged once more, ".......NI!" Malfoy almost fell to his knees in agony.
"Oh please, no!" Malfoy yelled. "Not that WORD!" A small squeaky 'Ni' then came from Allison's mouth. Crabbe covered his ears and bashed his head against the wall. Jen then joined in, taking a deep breath then yelling very loudly "NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" The whole train heard. It was so loud, and traveled so far that it had its own FM radio channel.
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Five miles down the train tracks, a random farmer tried to calm his horses.
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Back at the cabin, Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle were already halfway back to their seats, running their pansy asses off. Sarah walked and stood in the door frame, pointed towards him and yelled in a British accent, "And I am a lady, sir!" She slammed the door, then sat back down in her seat. All together the three girls burst out laughing. They continued to laugh then all of a sudden, heard Sarah give a loud, involuntary snort. They all dropped to the floor, laughing so hard that they had to pee. It was a mad dash to the bathroom. After they had all relieved themselves, Sarah got an idea. "You guys! I got an idea!" She announced. Allison and Jen groaned in unison. "Let's go steal stuff, then throw that stuff at other stuff!" Allison's expression brightened.
"Hey! That's actually a good idea Sarah!"
They all went into Allison's carry-on bag which held her "special" equipment and pulled out three walkie-talkies. Before they split up, Sarah stopped them. "Wait, you guys, we've got to test these out!"
"What for?" Jen asked.
Sarah answered, "You know....Every time we split up, I always get kidnapped, and I always need you guys to rescue me. We need to see how loud you can hear my scream over the walkie-talkies."
"Okay." Allison said. Sarah pressed the talk button. She recited her famous walkie-talkie catch-phrase.
Sarah made a static sound even though the walkie-talkie already did that, then continued on, "Sarah to Jen. Sarah to Jen. AH! AH! Over." After that, she made another static sound. "How's that?" She asked.
"Fine." Allison replied.
"You don't have to make that static sound Sarah, it already does that." Jen said simply. Sarah pressed the talk button again.
"Okay I won't make the 'crcrcrcc' sound again, crcrcrcc." She said. "...that was the last one."
After the 'crcrcrcc' (incase you haven't figured it out by now, that's what the static sound is supposed to sound like) incident, they finally split up. Sarah, of course, ran down the hallway screaming like death itself was after her, flailing her arms as she always does at the beginning of a crazy caper. Jen pulled out a book called, 'How to Steal Things and Where to Steal 'em'. She began with the chapter on kitchens. Allison decided to go up to the engine and steal some hot coals to break up and blow through her dart gun at people. Sarah decided to go through random people's rooms and linen closets to steal hand towels and soaps in the shape of Hogwarts crests, witch hats and jack-o-lanterns.
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After finishing the chapter on Kitchens, Jen decided to try out her new skills in the pantry (because that was the closest thing they had to a kitchen on the train). Jen spotted the cart lady coming down the hall towards her. Jen immediately tucked and rolled into the pantry and closed the door behind her. She stood up, turned on the light, and was greeted by the sight of shelves full of junk food. There was a heavenly light that shone down upon the sugary gold, and Jen swore she could hear a choir singing, possibly a song composed by Mozart, Bach, or someone, ya know, good like that. Jen spread out her arms as if wishing to hold the junk food in a tight embrace and sang but one word. One glorious word that can only describe that moment there and now. "...Jaaaaaaaackpottttt." She then began stuffing everything in sight down her top, bra, pockets, thighs, socks, and even some candy canes tucked behind her ears. Unexpectedly, the pantry door swung open and a short, plump, cart lady stood in the doorway shocked.
"What are you doing in here?" The cart lady asked in a surprised voice.
"Nothing.....What are YOU doing in here?" Jen asked back.
"I'm the cart lady. Didn't I see you earlier? You were much thinner half an hour ago."
Jen stopped everything she was doing and quickly thought of an excuse. ".....Um." She began to pretend to cry. "I have a really slow metabolism okay? I've gone to so many doctors, and done so many things, but nothing seems to work!" Jen then turned it into a whimpering whisper. "Can't anyone see me for who I am? *sniff* Inside?" Jen finished the sentence breathlessly while holding a hand against her heart, as if she was deeply hurt and misunderstood. She began to wail and cry. "OH GOD!" She cried, as she pulled a chocolate bar out of her bra. She unwrapped it and took a bite while still pretending to cry. "It's good!" She whined. She then finished it all and proceeded to pull a chocolate frog out of her pocket. Opening it, the frog jumped out, but she caught it in the air. "Come 'ere you little bastard." Jen bit the frog's head off while whining mournfully. "Poor froggy, he didn't deserve that ya know." Jen said to the cart lady. She continued, "Farewell dear froggy. You'll forever be known as Chocolate Frog #456 *sniff*"
As Jen finished, the cart lady was staring at her wide-eyed. She slowly backed away and shut the door behind her, leaving Jen to wallow in her so-called sadness and self-pity in the dark pantry. As the door shut, Jen waited a few seconds then burst out of the pantry panting. "Oh God, I feel sick!" She clutched her stomach and groaned. After recovering, she then retreated back to the cabin and sat down, waiting for the others to return.
************************************************************ Meanwhile, Allison was making her way towards the front of the train so she could swipe some hot coals to fire at people through her blowgun. As she neared the engine, she crept along the walls and imagined the Mission Impossible Theme song in her head. She was about to Judo-chop the dude (we don't know what a guy who drives a train is called!) when he turned around and said, "Oi! What are you doing up here?" Allison stopped, shifted her eyes back and forth and said, "...............Um..." She reached behind her back and pulled (out of nowhere) her tranquilizer gun, shooting the poor dude in the neck. He fell to the ground with a loud thump. Stepping over his body, Allison sighed in relief. "Phew, I haven't inflicted any pain on anyone since Burney Bob!" She started to collect hot coals in her hand, forgetting that they were hot. Yelling in pain, she realized that she had just pulled a Sarah.
************************************************************** At the exact moment Allison had pulled a Sarah, Sarah felt a sudden wave of idiocy that almost knocked her off her feet. Sarah held her chest in recovery and said, "Whoa. I think one of my little buddies just pulled a Sarah. I have a sudden craving for Pan-Asian cuisine...............It must've been Allison!" Sarah then carried on with what she was doing. ***************************************************************
Back to Allison....
Looking around for something to pick up the hot coals with, Allison spotted a pair of thongs. Just as she was about to pick the coals up, she realized that there was a mistake! Looking up at the ceiling, she yelled, "JEN! We've got a typo! It's TONGS not THONGS!" Looking around (again) for something to pick up the hot coals with, Allison spotted a pair of TONGS and said, "That's better!" She began picking up the coals and putting them in her pockets. Of course, they quickly began to burn holes in her clothes, causing her to jump around, panicking as she started to smoke. "AH! AH! AH!"
******************************************************* Once again we rejoin with Sarah, who was busy snooping around the linen closets. There was another sudden jolt of stupidity, which actually knocked her to the ground this time. Sarah reached out for something to grab and found the doorknob of the linen closet. She fell on one knee and held her chest with her other hand. Panting she said, "WHOA! Now I want Pan-Asian cuisine and Chinese Black Tea! What the HELL is Allison doing?!" After recovering, she went back to stealing linens and guest soaps. *****************************************************************
Allison had finally found a bucket and loaded it up with coals. She bashed the bucket against the wall a few times to break up the pieces, then started hunting for prey. As she walked out of the engine room (or whatever- you know what we mean) she spotted the cart lady. Wanting to test out her new toy, she loaded a hot coal chunk into her blow gun. She shot it down the hall and it hit the cart lady right in between the eyes. The cart lady fell to the floor, knocked out. Lowering her gun, Allison stared wide-eyed down the hall at where the cart lady should be standing. All she could bring herself to say was, "Oh....................Oh shit." She then immediately returned back to the cart, grabbing some candy off the cart as she passed.
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And we finally come to Sarah..............God help us all.
Trying to disguise herself, Sarah wrapped her head with a towel, and made some emergency warm blankets into a toga as she came out of a linen closet. Beginning to make her way around the train, Sarah looked around for rooms to steal from and possibly a drink to wash down the soapy taste in her mouth. She had stupidly mistaken them for candy and shoved them in her mouth. Suddenly, Sarah heard voices coming towards her, and before she could hide she was being interrogated by four first-years.
"Who are you?" One asked innocently.
"I'm...........uhn..................*Think of a name, any name!*.............Sarah. *D'oh!* I mean, I'm the magical, mystical, Sirus Black!" Sarah replied.
The group of first years gasped. One asked bravely, "You mean, SIRIUS Black?"
"NO! SIRUS Black! I work in a movie theatre!" (We'll tell you the story at the end of the chapter, you have to read it in order to get this joke, it's hilarious.)
"......What?"
"Oh yes. And I'm from the mystical lands of..................*Think of a country, any country!*...............Canada. *D'OH!*"
"Canada? Isn't that in the west?" One of the first-years inquired.
"Why yes it is," Sarah said, pointing thoughtfully. "Very good. You know, you're a lot smarter than some people. Americans, for example, don't know where we are but we're right above them! WE SHARE LAKES! (We're really sorry, please read the author's note at the end for an explanation) ....................Okay gotta go kiddies! Muahahahahhaahah!" Sarah threw down a guest soap on the floor, expecting it to somehow ignite and smoke. I mean, what the hell. The first-years just stood there staring at her, as she stopped her fake evil laughter, shifted her eyes from left to right and thinking of a way out by pointing down the hall and yelling, "VOLDEMORT!" The first years didn't even look down the hall. They scrambled and began scurrying around the hallways flailing their arms and for some reason, swatting at their hair, screaming, "He's in my hair! He's in my haaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr!"
Spotting an open compartment door, Sarah sped down the hallway and dove into the luggage in the compartment. As she got up and dusted herself off, she looked around and found an amazing stash of..................stuff. She found; three wands, three suitcases of robes, two owls, one weird looking red bird, and a lock of Orlando Bloom's hair. Sarah grabbed the stuff and began to walk out of the compartment when Allison and Jen walked in to the room. "Hey guys!" Sarah said. "Can you guys recognize me in my disguise? It's me, Sarah! I'm wearing a disguise! Aren't I clever?" Allison and Jen exchanged looks before Sarah continued, "OH, and look at all the stuff I stole! Three wands, three suitcases, two owls, a weird looking red bird that looks a lot like Allison's phoenix, and a lock of Orlando Bloom's hair!" Allison inspected the lock of hair in Sarah's hand. Jen had figured it out in about .25 seconds before they had even walked in the room, and was now shaking her head at Sarah.
"Sarah!" Jen sighed.
"Wha-?"
Allison threw out her hands in frustration. "You stole OUR stuff!................And gimme that hair!" Allison grabbed the hair out of Sarah's hand and began stroking it lovingly, while hugging it up to her face.
"...........................Allison you're sick." Sarah said simply.
"Sarah, how is it possible for you to steal OUR stuff?" Jen questioned.
Sarah threw off her disguise and explained, "Well, my towel turban kept falling down over my eyes and I couldn't see where I was going!"
"Suuureee........" Jen said as she started to unload all of the candy from inside her clothes. "You guys help me!" Sarah and Allison sat down beside Jen and started helping her. Just then, Sarah heard the squeak of the cart lady's trolley. She cupped a hand to her ear and said, "The cart lady's coming! The cart lady's coming!"
"Quick, stuff it back IN!" Jen yelled. "Stuff it back in!" The three girls scrambled around and stuffed the candy back in from whence it came. Then the cart lady walked in the compartment and asked them if they wanted anything off of the trolley.
"Well, I don't think we can fit anything else in Jen's clothes." Sarah explained. Allison smacked Sarah upside the head because of her stupidity. "I mean," Sarah began correcting herself. ".......................No. We're full." Right then, a chocolate frog leaped out of Jen's bra and out of the window.
"What was that?" The cart lady asked.
"Uhn...............................nothin'." The three said in unison as Sarah slammed the door in the cart lady's face.
"Where'd it go?!" Jen screamed.
"Out the window!" Allison screamed back.
"CRAAAAAP!" Jen began to run towards the window, just about to jump out to catch the frog. Just before she did, Sarah yelled, "No Jen DON'T! Do you know what that act of stupidity is gonna do to me? WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" But it was too late. Jen had already, stupidly, jumped out the window. The sudden wave of Jen's idiocy hit Sarah, causing her to fly out the window after Jen. Jen was grabbing on to the side of the train outside of the window, and Sarah grabbed on to Jen's ankles as she flew past.
"Jen you IDIOT!" Sarah yelled at her. They spotted the chocolate frog clinging to the side of the train as well. Allison stuck her head out of the window to see what happened to Sarah and Jen. Just then, the train went over a large bump, causing the chocolate frog to loose its grip and fly back towards Allison's head. Allison swiftly opened her mouth and caught the frog, swallowing it whole.
"Mmm, air frogs." Allison said as she pulled her head back in the window without even a word to her friends. Sarah and Jen looked at each other and said in unison, "ALLISON! Help us!" Allison stuck her head back out the window to help but she couldn't pull them back in. Sarah had an idea.
"Jen! Let go!"
"WHAT?!?!?!?"
"Just trust me!"
"The last time I trusted you Sarah, we were being swarmed by GOBLINS!"
"Just do it cause we're coming to a tunnel!" Jen didn't know what Sarah had in mind but she let go of the train. Since that was a VERY stupid act done by Jen, the force of it knocked Sarah back into the train, pulling Jen, by her ankles, with her. Sarah and Jen smashed into Allison, the three of them sprawling onto the floor. The train came to a sudden halt. They laid there on the compartment floor, legs in the air, backs bent over, not moving at all. Then Allison said angrily, "Looks like we're here."
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Author's Note: Wow that was one long ass chapter! Anyways, the American thing was because of whenever we watch Jeopardy, and the contestants have to answer questions about Canada, they always get them wrong. They're the easiest questions in existence. We're sorry, we don't want to offend anyone, we're just speaking from experience.
Now, about the Sirus Black thing........................
We went to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets five days before it opened because Allison's mom works in advertising and gets a lot of free stuff. So we got free tickets. Before the movie started, there was this dude who came into the theatre wearing a really crappy wizard costume with a microphone. He also had a really cool light-up Gandalf staff thing. Anyways, he spoke into the microphone and said, "I am SIRUS BLACK from the third Harry Potter movie!" He tried to sound really really mighty and powerful, but didn't succeed. #1: It's Sirius, not Sirus. #2: The third Harry Potter movie wasn't even in the making at that time. #3: He dug himself a deeper hole as he continued, "I started as a lowly magician. Then I graduated and became a conjurer. Next I advanced to become a Necromancer, and then I was a wizard. But now! Now I am a SORCERER!" Okay, it was totally silent as he was saying this, as the children sat in awe. And then it happened. Jen's terribly loud (and rude) laughter sounded through the theatre. Sarah and Allison began to laugh quietly, but couldn't hold it in and joined in the hysterical laughter. Suddenly, Jen yelled, "It's SIRIUS!" In a high-pitched voice, correcting him. It was frikin' hilarious, you all should have been there. Honestly.
OH yeah so, we're sorry for the really long wait, we haven't updated in a long time, and for the long author's note. Oh, and we're sorry again for the American crack. And to the cart lady. She was a really nice lady. We should send her a check in the mail.