Disclaimer: Not ours. The end....Whatever Allison.
Author's Note: Yes, yes we're still alive. Don't worry, we're not sick, we have all our limbs, and we didn't get lost climbing a big huge mountain. It's been almost a year since we last updated and all we've been doing is sitting around watching a lot of Charmed. Not much has changed either, we've graduated high school though. Now Allison and I will leave Sarah behind as she goes back for another year of high school. Yes she DID graduate, she's just a loser. And she wants to be in the school's crappy musical. It's what she wants to do OKAY?!? Anyways, Allison got glasses. They're intellectual. And I wear contacts. But don't picture me without my glasses or Allison with glasses cause that'd just ruin it. Okay so I think we're ready. And for the love of God, review! –Jen P.S. and BTW: A lot of the jokes we use, we get from T.V. shows, and we just think they fit in really well. We're just saying this cause we know a lot of people have noticed that. However, there are a lot of inside jokes (the good kind, you don't necessarily have to get them to be funny). Also, there are more original jokes in our stories than we have ripped off from other people.
Chapter 5: Rule #234: Always Arrive Fashionably Late with a Dramatic Entrance.
They arrived fashionably late with a dramatic entrance...Okay fine we'll tell you just how dramatic the entrance was...
After sorting out their limbs in the dog pile and then filing off the train, our favourite trio found that all the other students were already in the carriages, about half a mile ahead of them, making their way to the castle. Go figure. Quickly Jen, Sarah and Allison ran to the last available cart. Reaching the door, the girls spotted a sign. Out of Order. Sarah threw up her hands in frustration.
"Oh this is just grreeeaaaat!" She exclaimed. "Count on you to totally screw us over, Allison!"
"What'd I do?!" Allison yelled angrily.
"You guys, SHUT UP!" Jen said. "I mean, how can it be out of order?! It's pulled by magic for crying out loud!....Get IN!" Jumping into the carriage, Jen motioned for the others to follow her.
"SHOTGUN!" Sarah yelled as she pushed Allison to the ground in her hurry to get into the carriage. Sarah jumped onto the driver's seat of the carriage, while Allison and Jen reclined in the seating area. After a good, long, wasted, 5 minutes, Jen figured out that the carriage maybe really WAS out of order. Which is surprising because it took so long. I mean, it takes Sarah 5 minutes to figure out a knock knock joke. Anyways, Sarah decided to do what she always does in a situation such as this....Get Jen to do it.
"Jen." She started, "Get out and pull."
"WHAT?! Oh that's bullshit!" Jen proclaimed.
"Just do it." Allison said as she sipped her martini.
"Where did you get that?!" Jen asked, surprised.
"It's magic." Allison replied. "Ooo! Oogedy-boogedy!"
A screech escaped Sarah. She always hates it when Allison says oogedy-boogedy like that. I mean, with her eyes wide and her arms flailing....it's just not a pretty sight...Back to the story...
Jen got out and decided to pull the carriage, since she likes to flaunt her strength so much, which she acquired from a long life in dance. Random Dance Pose Sarah, getting into the whole driver thing, found a whip under her seat and decided to use it...Great.
"Hyah! Hyah Jen! Hyah!" She yelled as she tried to whip Jen.
"Sarah, what the hell are you doing?" Jen asked. "You're going to whip yourself in the face with that!"
"I will n..." Sarah said before she whipped herself in the face. "OW! MY FACE!" Allison continued to lounge in the back, pretending to be better than her friends...even though she's not. Just because you have a martini glass in your hand doesn't mean you have more class than your friends. I mean, they were together when they were in their teenage awkward phases.
"Jen! Put the pedal to the metal!" Sarah ordered. From the back of the cart came a "Sarah there IS no pedal" from Allison. Sarah ignored her and continued, "We're going to miss the sorting ceremony! They're practically holding this feast in our honour! We're the foreign exchange students, AND we have to be re-sorted."
"I'm going as fast as I can." Jen said as she struggled. "And my nose is itchy!"
Meanwhile, In the Great Hall the Sorting ceremony had already begun...
"Amanda Hugandkiss." .................... "Hugh Jass" .........And it just went on from there as first years went up to the Sorting Hat and were sorted into their school house.
Jen brought the cart to a complete stop. Why? Because Sarah had decided to have one of her idiot episodes, where she acts completely and utterly stupid.
"So, if we hit the highway and we go west. Where do we get off?" Sarah asked the little gnome-man at the side of the trail.
"Sarah!" Jen said, "The Castle is 50 feet away. There's no other direction to go except straight up this path. What the hell are you doing?"
"Shut up Jen, the roaming gnome is giving us directions."
"For the last time Lady, I'm not the roaming gnome." The roaming gnome said, irritated.
"Sarah, what the hell is going on out there?" Allison said as she stuck her head out the carriage window. She made sure to stick her hand with her martini glass out the window as well.
"Alright, Jen, Go west and get off at Highway 95."
"Alright Sarah, I'll do that." Jen said as she rolled her eyes. Mumbling to herself she added, "Stupid....monkey!" Before Sarah could get the roaming gnome's autograph, and ask him to bring her back a souvenir from Australia, Jen began to run up to the castle, pulling the cart with her.
"What'd you do that for Jen? That guy has the coolest commercials!"
In the Great Hall, the ceremony was coming to a close as the last student, Zed Zedderson, had been sorted. Dumbledore rose to make his welcoming speech.
Finally reaching the castle, Jen panted with the effort of pulling the carriage up the trail. Sarah hopped down from the driver's seat and began tying the cart to a lamp post.
"Now you stay here, and you be a good little carriage," Sarah said lovingly to the cart.
"Sarah, what the hell are you doing that for?" Jen said. "The cart isn't going to get up and walk away. It's out of order! It can't go anywhere! And no one's going to steal the damn thing because it belongs to the school anyways!"
Allison stuck her hand out the window to catch the other girls' attention and called out to them, "I'm waiting!"
"Waiting for what?" Sarah and Jen said in unison.
"For you to open the door! And I better have a red carpet. And where's my bottle of water? Oh it MUST be waiting for me...RIGHT?!"
"Sorry Allison," (Allison—What? Sarah—Not you, Story-Allison.) Sarah said. "We're not in the lap of luxury, Canada, anymore. No parties or people living their lives in the fast lane..."
"Sarah, Canada's not like that!" Jen pointed out.
"I don't care, Canada's still cool. And you know what? I could be there right now! But no...we have to be here, and get all muddy!"
"Sarah, I'M the only one who's muddy, because YOU made me pull the cart."
"I could be in my old dorm right now, listening to some good tunes, not doing my homework, and just having a grand old time." Allison came in between the two, still with her now empty martini glass, holding only an olive inside it.
"You guys, just shut up! You're giving me a headache!"
"No Allison, that's from all the booze you've been drinking." Sarah replied pointing to Allison's glass. "Let's just get inside, I'm freezing my ass off."
"Sarah...it's September." Jen pointed out.
"I have no meat on my bones! I only weigh 115 pounds!"
"Sarah...." Allison implored.
"Alright, 116!"
"Okay, we're getting off topic again." Jen said. "Every time we write we always get off topic. We never get to the story! That's what happens when you partner up with someone like Sarah, who gets distracted by everything, seeming like she has A.D.D. but SOMEHOW the tests always disproves it!" Jen took a long deep breath after that long sentence.
"Okay let's just GO!" Sarah said as she started going up the stairs to the doors of the castle. Jen and Allison followed as she sang "Gonna Fly Now" , the Theme from Rocky. (Allison – I wasn't violent at all in this chapter. Jen – Yes you were, you were emotionally abusing.)
"A thousand welcomes, and welcomes back." Dumbledore started as he addressed the student body. "Didn't that sound hilarious? Try saying that out loud everyone. Come on. And for all you kids at home, say it with a British accent!....Okay continuing on, I feel like I'm on that funny Muggle show, Sesame Street. Now who knows what I'm talking about? Raise your haaands! Uno. Dos. Tres. That's THREE! THREE people! Thunder crash AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Two of which are girls. You know what that means kids, THEY'RE WITCHES! Oh...wait, of course they are. Well what was I saying? That damn Viagra. The side effects can be such a nuisance. Getting all off topic like that, like a teenage girl with A.D.D. but the tests somehow disprove it." Professor McGonagall coughed, trying to get him back on topic.
"Oh yes! Joining us this year are three foreign exchange students from Canada. Sarah, Jennifer, and Allison. I hope you will make them feel welcome, or whatever. Perhaps it would be wise to discuss topics such as bacon, maple syrup or hockey. (Sarah – That was a joke. We're not serious. We're just making fun of everyone who makes fun of US like that...but I do love all of those things...hockey more-so...heh heh heh...) Stand up girls." Dumbledore announced. The students looked around, noticing that no one had risen.
"Well...It seems they have not arrived." Dumbledore said as he stated the obvious. Whispering to Professor Snape he added, "Where on earth ARE those girls?" Just then the doors to the Great Hall burst open. There stood Jen covered in mud, Sarah with a big red welt across her face and Allison tipsy with her empty martini glass. Silence followed. All three of them shifted their eyes around in panic.
"...Uhhh..." Sarah said.
Exchanging knowing glances, all three of the girls quickly struck a pose. After about three seconds, Sarah and Jen both fell to the floor, exhausted from pulling carriages and running up the stairs. Allison looked down at them with no emotion, sucking on her olive then decided to take a seat on Jen's ass, which was conveniently in the air.
Dumbledore spoke up, "I give you, your new foreign exchange students! Ms. Walcz, Ms. Rousselle and Ms. Kwok."
Author's Note: Do you know, some IDIOT decided to start out the applause they gave us after that with a slow clap. That bastard, wait till we find 'im. No one slow claps us! Anyways, so how was THAT for fashionably late and a dramatic entrance? So, that's chapter 5 and BELIEVE us, we're going to be spending as much time together as possible, so we'll have chapters ready pretty quickly. And most likely by the next sleep over...I mean crash party. –Jen
Author's Note: Yes, yes we're still alive. Don't worry, we're not sick, we have all our limbs, and we didn't get lost climbing a big huge mountain. It's been almost a year since we last updated and all we've been doing is sitting around watching a lot of Charmed. Not much has changed either, we've graduated high school though. Now Allison and I will leave Sarah behind as she goes back for another year of high school. Yes she DID graduate, she's just a loser. And she wants to be in the school's crappy musical. It's what she wants to do OKAY?!? Anyways, Allison got glasses. They're intellectual. And I wear contacts. But don't picture me without my glasses or Allison with glasses cause that'd just ruin it. Okay so I think we're ready. And for the love of God, review! –Jen P.S. and BTW: A lot of the jokes we use, we get from T.V. shows, and we just think they fit in really well. We're just saying this cause we know a lot of people have noticed that. However, there are a lot of inside jokes (the good kind, you don't necessarily have to get them to be funny). Also, there are more original jokes in our stories than we have ripped off from other people.
Chapter 5: Rule #234: Always Arrive Fashionably Late with a Dramatic Entrance.
They arrived fashionably late with a dramatic entrance...Okay fine we'll tell you just how dramatic the entrance was...
After sorting out their limbs in the dog pile and then filing off the train, our favourite trio found that all the other students were already in the carriages, about half a mile ahead of them, making their way to the castle. Go figure. Quickly Jen, Sarah and Allison ran to the last available cart. Reaching the door, the girls spotted a sign. Out of Order. Sarah threw up her hands in frustration.
"Oh this is just grreeeaaaat!" She exclaimed. "Count on you to totally screw us over, Allison!"
"What'd I do?!" Allison yelled angrily.
"You guys, SHUT UP!" Jen said. "I mean, how can it be out of order?! It's pulled by magic for crying out loud!....Get IN!" Jumping into the carriage, Jen motioned for the others to follow her.
"SHOTGUN!" Sarah yelled as she pushed Allison to the ground in her hurry to get into the carriage. Sarah jumped onto the driver's seat of the carriage, while Allison and Jen reclined in the seating area. After a good, long, wasted, 5 minutes, Jen figured out that the carriage maybe really WAS out of order. Which is surprising because it took so long. I mean, it takes Sarah 5 minutes to figure out a knock knock joke. Anyways, Sarah decided to do what she always does in a situation such as this....Get Jen to do it.
"Jen." She started, "Get out and pull."
"WHAT?! Oh that's bullshit!" Jen proclaimed.
"Just do it." Allison said as she sipped her martini.
"Where did you get that?!" Jen asked, surprised.
"It's magic." Allison replied. "Ooo! Oogedy-boogedy!"
A screech escaped Sarah. She always hates it when Allison says oogedy-boogedy like that. I mean, with her eyes wide and her arms flailing....it's just not a pretty sight...Back to the story...
Jen got out and decided to pull the carriage, since she likes to flaunt her strength so much, which she acquired from a long life in dance. Random Dance Pose Sarah, getting into the whole driver thing, found a whip under her seat and decided to use it...Great.
"Hyah! Hyah Jen! Hyah!" She yelled as she tried to whip Jen.
"Sarah, what the hell are you doing?" Jen asked. "You're going to whip yourself in the face with that!"
"I will n..." Sarah said before she whipped herself in the face. "OW! MY FACE!" Allison continued to lounge in the back, pretending to be better than her friends...even though she's not. Just because you have a martini glass in your hand doesn't mean you have more class than your friends. I mean, they were together when they were in their teenage awkward phases.
"Jen! Put the pedal to the metal!" Sarah ordered. From the back of the cart came a "Sarah there IS no pedal" from Allison. Sarah ignored her and continued, "We're going to miss the sorting ceremony! They're practically holding this feast in our honour! We're the foreign exchange students, AND we have to be re-sorted."
"I'm going as fast as I can." Jen said as she struggled. "And my nose is itchy!"
Meanwhile, In the Great Hall the Sorting ceremony had already begun...
"Amanda Hugandkiss." .................... "Hugh Jass" .........And it just went on from there as first years went up to the Sorting Hat and were sorted into their school house.
Jen brought the cart to a complete stop. Why? Because Sarah had decided to have one of her idiot episodes, where she acts completely and utterly stupid.
"So, if we hit the highway and we go west. Where do we get off?" Sarah asked the little gnome-man at the side of the trail.
"Sarah!" Jen said, "The Castle is 50 feet away. There's no other direction to go except straight up this path. What the hell are you doing?"
"Shut up Jen, the roaming gnome is giving us directions."
"For the last time Lady, I'm not the roaming gnome." The roaming gnome said, irritated.
"Sarah, what the hell is going on out there?" Allison said as she stuck her head out the carriage window. She made sure to stick her hand with her martini glass out the window as well.
"Alright, Jen, Go west and get off at Highway 95."
"Alright Sarah, I'll do that." Jen said as she rolled her eyes. Mumbling to herself she added, "Stupid....monkey!" Before Sarah could get the roaming gnome's autograph, and ask him to bring her back a souvenir from Australia, Jen began to run up to the castle, pulling the cart with her.
"What'd you do that for Jen? That guy has the coolest commercials!"
In the Great Hall, the ceremony was coming to a close as the last student, Zed Zedderson, had been sorted. Dumbledore rose to make his welcoming speech.
Finally reaching the castle, Jen panted with the effort of pulling the carriage up the trail. Sarah hopped down from the driver's seat and began tying the cart to a lamp post.
"Now you stay here, and you be a good little carriage," Sarah said lovingly to the cart.
"Sarah, what the hell are you doing that for?" Jen said. "The cart isn't going to get up and walk away. It's out of order! It can't go anywhere! And no one's going to steal the damn thing because it belongs to the school anyways!"
Allison stuck her hand out the window to catch the other girls' attention and called out to them, "I'm waiting!"
"Waiting for what?" Sarah and Jen said in unison.
"For you to open the door! And I better have a red carpet. And where's my bottle of water? Oh it MUST be waiting for me...RIGHT?!"
"Sorry Allison," (Allison—What? Sarah—Not you, Story-Allison.) Sarah said. "We're not in the lap of luxury, Canada, anymore. No parties or people living their lives in the fast lane..."
"Sarah, Canada's not like that!" Jen pointed out.
"I don't care, Canada's still cool. And you know what? I could be there right now! But no...we have to be here, and get all muddy!"
"Sarah, I'M the only one who's muddy, because YOU made me pull the cart."
"I could be in my old dorm right now, listening to some good tunes, not doing my homework, and just having a grand old time." Allison came in between the two, still with her now empty martini glass, holding only an olive inside it.
"You guys, just shut up! You're giving me a headache!"
"No Allison, that's from all the booze you've been drinking." Sarah replied pointing to Allison's glass. "Let's just get inside, I'm freezing my ass off."
"Sarah...it's September." Jen pointed out.
"I have no meat on my bones! I only weigh 115 pounds!"
"Sarah...." Allison implored.
"Alright, 116!"
"Okay, we're getting off topic again." Jen said. "Every time we write we always get off topic. We never get to the story! That's what happens when you partner up with someone like Sarah, who gets distracted by everything, seeming like she has A.D.D. but SOMEHOW the tests always disproves it!" Jen took a long deep breath after that long sentence.
"Okay let's just GO!" Sarah said as she started going up the stairs to the doors of the castle. Jen and Allison followed as she sang "Gonna Fly Now" , the Theme from Rocky. (Allison – I wasn't violent at all in this chapter. Jen – Yes you were, you were emotionally abusing.)
"A thousand welcomes, and welcomes back." Dumbledore started as he addressed the student body. "Didn't that sound hilarious? Try saying that out loud everyone. Come on. And for all you kids at home, say it with a British accent!....Okay continuing on, I feel like I'm on that funny Muggle show, Sesame Street. Now who knows what I'm talking about? Raise your haaands! Uno. Dos. Tres. That's THREE! THREE people! Thunder crash AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Two of which are girls. You know what that means kids, THEY'RE WITCHES! Oh...wait, of course they are. Well what was I saying? That damn Viagra. The side effects can be such a nuisance. Getting all off topic like that, like a teenage girl with A.D.D. but the tests somehow disprove it." Professor McGonagall coughed, trying to get him back on topic.
"Oh yes! Joining us this year are three foreign exchange students from Canada. Sarah, Jennifer, and Allison. I hope you will make them feel welcome, or whatever. Perhaps it would be wise to discuss topics such as bacon, maple syrup or hockey. (Sarah – That was a joke. We're not serious. We're just making fun of everyone who makes fun of US like that...but I do love all of those things...hockey more-so...heh heh heh...) Stand up girls." Dumbledore announced. The students looked around, noticing that no one had risen.
"Well...It seems they have not arrived." Dumbledore said as he stated the obvious. Whispering to Professor Snape he added, "Where on earth ARE those girls?" Just then the doors to the Great Hall burst open. There stood Jen covered in mud, Sarah with a big red welt across her face and Allison tipsy with her empty martini glass. Silence followed. All three of them shifted their eyes around in panic.
"...Uhhh..." Sarah said.
Exchanging knowing glances, all three of the girls quickly struck a pose. After about three seconds, Sarah and Jen both fell to the floor, exhausted from pulling carriages and running up the stairs. Allison looked down at them with no emotion, sucking on her olive then decided to take a seat on Jen's ass, which was conveniently in the air.
Dumbledore spoke up, "I give you, your new foreign exchange students! Ms. Walcz, Ms. Rousselle and Ms. Kwok."
Author's Note: Do you know, some IDIOT decided to start out the applause they gave us after that with a slow clap. That bastard, wait till we find 'im. No one slow claps us! Anyways, so how was THAT for fashionably late and a dramatic entrance? So, that's chapter 5 and BELIEVE us, we're going to be spending as much time together as possible, so we'll have chapters ready pretty quickly. And most likely by the next sleep over...I mean crash party. –Jen