Kaiba: oh, whyyyyy, me?!!! X-x
A/N: because! Hmm, the olive garden, eh? (thinks it over) I like the restaurant, too…..so maybe in the next chappie! Perhaps a cook…but anyway! Let's go!
Disclaimer: don't own YGO, ff.net, or kaiba…..(hisses to be reminded)
Chapter Two: Sold!
"You said 'jump', sir….how high?"
"Yes sir, Mr. Kaiba! As you wish."
"Right this way sir. Your private jet awaits."
Kaiba rolled over in bed and promptly fell to the floor. It had been Yugi's old bed, when he was in grade school,---though he didn't see much difference in the present day one--- and Kaiba gritted his teeth to keep in the expletives. He got up and straightened out his pajamas, which had been the grandfather's, not Yugi's this time, though, AGAIN, there wasn't much difference.
Short. Little. Midgets! Never drank milk..... He cursed, going in and checking on his brother.
"Hey, Seto, you're awake!" Mokuba pounced on him, nearly knocking him over. Taken aback, Kaiba asked,
"What are you doing up?"
"It's midafternoon, silly!" The kid was already dressed, food smudges all over his tiny face. "You must've been tired, huh?"
" 'Mid---' " Kaiba ran a hand through his messy, once-neat hair. It seemed ot be sitcking up in all directions---for once, even Mokuba hair was neater. "But I never oversleep!"
"Hey Kaibe, you were tossin' an' turnin' in your sleep," Joey poked his head around the corner and the rest of the lovingly dubbed, 'nerd herd.' "Dreamin' 'bout your riches?" He laughed, nasally.
Serenity said, "Now Joey, it's not nice to make fun of those less fortunate……" Kaiba growled. "Er! Not that you're less fortunate….." she squeaked.
"Get out of my room!" Kaiba ordered them all, even though they were in the Motou's family room. "Get OUT!" but he still had his Authoritative Voice, and they all scuttled out.
Dressing, he found an old sweatshirt that actually fit and some jeans that didn't make him look like a dork. Muttering obscenities, he turned and headed out the door.
Predictably, they followed.
"Where ya goin' Kai-Ba?"
"He's going to eat…."
"No, he never eats!"
"That's 'cause he's part robot….."
"I knew it!"
Kaiba's left eye twitched. He realized he'd forgotten to comb his hair, and paused at a car window to fix it. As he was doing so, Joey sneaked up behind him and put 'bunny ears'on his reflection. "Get away, mutt!" he hollered.
But nothing he could do could make them go away and leave him alone. Deflated, he allowed them to treat him to a Big Breakfast at somewhere called, 'McDonalds®'.
"What you've never been to Mickey D's before?!" Tristan and Joey looked like they were going to have heart attacks.
"I course I have," Kaiba snapped back. "I just never ate their food!" He shuddered at the thought of grimy, greasy food, glistening with lard.
But it really wasn't all that bad, rather tasty in fact. Still, he looked gloomily out the stained glass windows, thinking there was someone watching him.
"Cheer up," Tea said, always upbeat and positive. "Still looking for a job? I have one." There was a glint in her eye.
"Forget it, Gardener," Kaiba growled.
"It pays $1000 per da-ay…." Everyone gawked.
"Spill it." Kaiba commanded.
%%%%%%%
"What? NO, I'm NOT going to be auctioned!"
"Oh, come on, it pays $1000. All you have to do is escort some old lady around the town, and only for a single night. Either that or a stripper."
Kaiba gave Tea a death glare, while everyone exchanged goofy grins. "It won't have some old floozies ogling my body." He stated, crossing his arms over 'U. of Washington Crew.' on his sweatshirt.
"Ya know, Kaiba, you look real weird without your trademark trenchcoat," Joey stated, caclking to himself, hiding a black marker behind his back. Without warning he lunged at the ex-CEO, black felt tip pointed. Kaiba kicked at him and everyone got up, but too late: Now there was an "S" in front of "Crew."
Joey rolled around on the floor, laughing at first, then because Kaiba kept kicking him. "Stupid. Mutt!" he hollered."Don't touch me!"
Tristan began to snicker, and soon even the girls were giggling.
Embarrassed, Kaiba began to take off the offending sweatshirt, forgetting he had nothing underneath.
"Whoo! Maybe you should become a stripper," Tea declared, and the other girls laughed. Kaiba began to strategize which to strangle, when Mr. Motou came in to break up the ruckus.
"Mr. Kaiba, somebody called for you this afternoon."
"Really? Who, old man?" Kaiba shot up to him. "Tell me!"
"He didn't leave his name," the old man said calmly, "but he told me that you were going to die." Lightning boomed on a clear day.
Silence.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M GOING TO DIE?! DETAILS, OLD MAN, DETAILS!!!" Kaiba shook the old guy in rage. "Hey, stop doing that to my Granpa," Yugi complained.
"There is no 'details' " the old man puffed, straightening his overalls. "He seemed very bitter, and out of revenge of some sort. He said to watch your back. …."
"Oh no!" Mokuba started to wail. "Big brother you're gonna be shot!" "not if I can help it." Kaiba turned. "Gardener, where is this auction at?"
%%%%%%
I can't believe I'm about to do this……
Still, if the old fart, Mr. Motou, gets shot instead of me, I really will be out on the street. His home is my shelter. Kaiba knew there was plenty of people eager to 'pull his plug' and get their revenge. He had pissed off countless of them, he couldn't remember them all. It's a miracle I'm still alive…..
Still, he felt otherwise, as he stared down at a bunch of horny, old ladies staring eagerly at him, licking their old wrinkled lips. Like if he were a piece of meat. Do it for the money. He didn't HAVE to tell himself that! Still if any of these old broads lays one, crusty finger on me---
"And take bachelor number four: Mr. Seto Kaiba! Ex-CEO, he graduated from---er, wait…..he didn't graduate from high school yet! Sorry!" The announcer announced with a shrug.
Even that bit of information didn't seem to bring the hoards down. They were practically drooling all over him.
"But quite the eye candy, isn't he, ladies?" the announcer chuckled heartily, as the 'ladies'---though they could hardly be called that, in Kaiba's opinion---screamed, then fixed their inhalers over their mouths, eyes bulging.
"I bid $25!"
"$26!"
"$27!"
"$27.50!"
$27.50?! I'm hell a lot worth than that! Kaiba growled loud enough to be heard their shouts, and they silenced.
"Oh, he's feisty! $27.75!"
And so on it went, until about $150, plus an inhaler, throw in some dentures, and Tums, until he couldn't take it anymore. "Now, look here!" he shouted. "Another time, I wouldn't even look TWICE at you old geezers, and now I'm being forced to take part of this AUCTION, I damn well better bring more than $27.75!"
"And some dentures…." Added a blue haired old lady in the front row. Agreeable, impressed murmurs all around.
Tea, an usher, called out, "You get your $1000 no matter what….huff huff…..they bid, Kaiba!" Tear tracked down her cheeks, she had been laughing behind the podium at his indignant expressions.
"Okay, goiong once, going twice at $27.75, Tums and some dentures…."
The auctioneer auctioned. "And….sold to----"
"$30, and I'll throw in some Ben Gay," said a little squeaky old voice in the back row. Collect gasps all around (inhalers again) and everyone twisted around in their seat to see who it was. (cracking bones)
It was…….Mr. Motou in a wig! (Voice disguised as a woman's.)
Kaiba anime fell of his chair. (He recognized him immediately.)
Everyone (meaning the YGO gang) gave Yugi quelling looks that said Umm…..what? Yugi just smiled. "I saw how much poor Kaiba was suffering up their, being all humiliated, and ……well, at least this way he won't have to worry about these ladies groping him!" He smiled his I'm-too-nice smile.
"Yugi, you idiot!" Kaiba roared getting up again. "I got into this auction to keep your grandfather from being shot, you---"
The auctioneer, cutting him off, said, "Sold!"
%%%%%
Great now I have to worry about the old geezer being shot, Kaiba groaned, slapping his forehead in agony. He was supposed to escorting Mr. Motou, or "Sarah."
"So, where do you want to go now, Mr. Kaiba?" Mr. Motou fluttered his false eyelashes at him that Tea had put on. Kaiba growled actually it was more of a snarl. Mr. Motou was clearly enjoying seeing him suffer and be humiliated like this, he never did like Kaiba after he ripped up his BEWD.
Kaiba didn't like the old fart either. What is he, gay or something? Did he spawn Yugi? "Let's. Go. Eat." He spat.
It was something very unusual to see on the streets of Domino City, a short, fat man in a wig and green overalls, next to a tall guy with a "U. Washington Screw" sweatshirt and faded jeans. Serenity had tries to wash it off; but it was only faded.
"After I get all my riches back," Kaiba was saying, "I am going to rip all of your cards up, into nano-ths. Got that, old man?"
P "Fine," the old man said, shrugging.
Cheeky old man. What's he up to? Kaiba shot a sideways glare at him. "In fact, I'd hide your cards right now, if I were you."
"Now, you wouldn't want to do that," Mr. Motou said in a mock-coy voice. "You might hurt my feelings!"
Seeing he was being teased and made fun of, Kaiba gritted his jaw to keep it from twitching and they walked on to the restaurant.
The night got darker and darker, until they could just barely see their hands in front of their faces. "What's going on? where are all the streetlight?!" Kaiba yelled.
"Now you die!" yelled a voice. A shot rang out.
Kaiba felt himself being pushed sideways, and he umphed against a brick wall, feeling like a two ton truck hit him. Thinking he's been shot, he felt himself for sticky blood or a hole, perhaps. Nothing. "Mr….." The old man lay sideways, the chest pocket of his overalls reddening. Getting up, Kaiba quickly looked right and left for the shooter, in case he still lurked. "Show yourself!" he yelled. "Coward!" He heard a scrick of a show on gravel, and tackled the guy. "Oomph!" The guy, a skinny sort, pushed up his glasses. It was the auctioneer.
"You," Kaiba gasped, shock to the core.
"You ruined my life!" the little man squeaked, shaking enraging his fist at him. "For twelve years I worked at your company. Then one day, without notice, you fired me. me, with four children to feed! And then one day, they put on your duel disks and got electrocuted! They malfunctioned!" the man sobbed. "So, put 'em up!" he cocked his red bony fists.
Still in gaping shock, barely pay attention, Kaiba easily knocked him sideways with a briefcase he found in the nearby trash can, and replaced it, letting the man fall unconscious. Police arrived, taking the wounded Mr. Motuo.
"I'm okay! I'm okay, you young whippersnappers!"
"But you…..were shot…..the blood….." Kaiba blinked, still in shock.
"It was only my ketchup packet in my pocket; it exploded when I pushed you to the side," Mr. Motou explained, taking it out and showing it all about with a grin.
The policemen arrested the shooter.
The fashion police arrested Mr. Motou.
Yeah, it's weird. So r&R! I need some ideas! X.x