Chapter Eleven: Reflecting My Pain
Disclaimer: I own none of this, except random ideas, and Kyle Thompson. Lol. I have used songs in this chapter, and they don't belong to me either. But, I can sing them ok, hehe.
This chapter is a little longer than most, only because of all the songs I inserted to fit the mood. Hence, the title of the chapter. I hope in all honesty that you guys like this chapter, and sorry it took so long!
I'd like to sincerely thank all of my reviewers, it was so awesome the amount of reviews I got for that last chapter.
Laura—That was so good, sorry I didn't review the other ones but I couldn't stop untill I read all of them. I can't wait for the next chapter. I love it when draco plays with her hair, it's so sweet. when will the next chapter be done?? I have to KNOW!!lol keep writing!
Oh, that's alright…I'm so glad you liked it! I'm sorry it took a while, but hey, at least it looks like you just reviewed yesterday…
Bec--great story its going so well...please write more soon cant wait. :)
Thanks. Sorry you had to wait!
Patnicks--Good Story.
Thank you.
marijane101--Crap! You haven't updated in three days! Now, I'm no better, so I really can't talk now can I? I love this story, and I think that that new idea is pretty cool...
Hehe, it's been more than 3 days now! Thank you, and I'll be getting to the new idea soon…
Ponderer--Great story! Can't wait to see how Hermione gets her friends back. Update soon!
It doesn't happen quite yet, but hey. Thanks for liking it!
Ann22--Ok , why are you so mean? WHY!? that idea about the tradition its great! but pleaase add the next chappie I WANT TO KNOW! your story is going great ...
*Feigns innocence* What? What did I do hat was so mean? Anyway, thanks! The new story should be up in hopefully 1-3 weeks…
Blanche Dubois--OMG! I love this chapter! The flirting's so cute! I'm already excited w/ Hermione's 'revenge'! About your new fic, is it D/Hr too?
Thank you, I thought it was time for flirting! :-) And, erm, some of it's them. It takes a while to get there (like this one), but it eventually becomes them. I'll show the pairings next chapter. But, I'm trying to include other couples, to be diverse. I seem to favor certain couples too much…
Starlit Night--hmm...again, draco turns out to be a stupid git...but the earilier part was nice. i like the idea of the next story, i would def. read it. mhm...yes, lets see...harry and ron, they're upset with hermione about sleeping with kyle? and shes now mad at draco...hm...uh-oh...not so nice...hmm, keep writing!-pac
Hehe, I'm evil with the secret spilling. I'm glad you liked the earlier part, tho. It gets resolved soon, I promise!
Zenia--i really like this si far. we need to get with the luvvin' *giggles* this is very nicely written and i like how you space it out. it is pleasant on the eyes while reading.
Thanks…I feel so special!
Sarah Kate--Hey awesome job once again! i love it please please please keep writing and update very soon i can't wait to read it! thanks! ~ Sk
Sorry it took so long. :-( But, it's here now…and thanks!
Sora Ketsueki--EH! KYOOT! I luv this fic it is so adorable...especially compared to mine, which is rather dark...Oh well. Glad to see more reviews so I'm ADDING ONE MORE! Great job, keep writing, and do make sure everything goes better for them, won't you?
Aw, thanks. What's ur fic? I will soon…make it go well, I mean.
TriGemini--The whole flirting scene was truly hilarious. Just couldn't stop laughing. Although, it was kinda fun to imagine Draco Malfoy baking a cake. That was truly a classic scene. I got the idea Dumbledore was quite amused with that whole cooking/flirting scene. A good part was when Parvarti, Lavendar, and Ginny were grilling Hermione about Draco Malfoy. That was a funny part too. Only it turn bad when Draco opened his big mouth and commented that Kyle had gotten to her first. Even though Kyle denied it. What made him say all that. Maybe Kyle was right. Maybe Draco is jealous and that is why he did it. But in the process he forgot that he'd be hurting someone else, too. What an idiot. Poor Hermione now everybody knows. Ron is mad ( not surprising )and it seems that Kyle is really sorry about what happend. But Hermione will definitely be mad at Draco now. Wonder how he'll get out of this one? This story is getting really good. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Until then. Also, that idea for a story The Tradition sounds pretty good.
Wow, that was so long! Lol. I thought someone might like imagining that, cuz I had the best time writing it! I thought I needed to bring in the old characters again, I've been getting so bad, plus the Slytherin scene gives me a chance for more conflict. But don't worry, he didn't intentionally hurt Hermione! Thanks for the compliments!
Erilyn Rose--I responded about your new fic idea in my reviw of your other story so... I realy like this fic though... How could Draco do that?! What a stupid little prat! Ugh... Anyway, love it! keep going!
Lol, I know. Thankies!
Blue eyes--Oh i will most definitely read that story...as to this story, Draco is in hot water now...great story cant wait for more, post soon.
I'm so happy about the positive feedback!!!! Well, sorry it took a while…
Miss Confidante-- I absolutely wuv ur story! just discovered it and its great! Keep going, i'm holding my breath in anticipation of ur next chappie! Wuv, Missy xx
If you really held your breath, I'd be responsible for a death. *Frowns* Sorry it took so long, I hate making everyone wait! Thanks for reading it!
Shining Star--"The Tradition" sounds good. I love the flirting scenes that you have...gimme more! and update sooner! I know...I'm really bad...i haven't updated in about 3 months...but i abandoned that story after I didn't get more than 3 reviews on it...but past that little tidbit of me being an author of fanfiction...i want flirting and quick updates...now! j/k...and yet not really
Aw, I'm sorry ur story didn't work out…Sorry, no flirting here…I'm so mean, I know!
Nikki--I love,love,love this Story!
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy it!
Draco stared sourly out the window, watching the weather that had reflected his mood.
The sky was dark, as if a huge blanket had been set on top of the sun. It was very cloudy, and there was a storm occurring.
He watched the rain pound mercilessly on the window pain, and his room lit up by random bursts of lightning flashing across the sky. With window-shaking booms, the thunder sounded even inside the safety of Hogwarts.
Draco was a little more cheered up, beings as he didn't have to deal with a perky sun, on a day so terrible.
Any minute now, Hermione would burst into his room, tears down her face. Then, she'd proceed to bitch him out, about letting out her well-kept dirty secret.
Is it my fault the stupid bitch didn't tell any of her friends? Noooo…All I did was let it slip, letting my anger get the better of me, he thought.
Draco fought hard to keep back the smirk when, as predicted, the door flew open with a crash.
"Draco Malfoy!" Hermione yelled shrilly. "This is what I get for trusting you?" She scoffed. "No, I didn't trust you…you pushed it out of me. Do you know, that right now, my two best friends are upset with me? I may never speak to them again, they're so angry!"
He turned, expecting tears. But she surprised him, and the only difference was her cheeks were tinged with a deep pink. This made it easy.
"Did I tell you to hide it from them? No. It's your stupidity, not mine!" Draco spat savagely.
"Oh, the infamous Draco Malfoy! He can't do any wrong! Nooo. He's perfect in every way!" Hermione responded.
"Didn't I tell you before?"
"Wait a second. Hmm…" she said harshly. "No, Draco's not perfect. In his seemingly perfect life, lies a dirty, filthy little secret! Wanna know what it is? Me."
"You? What the fuck do you have to do with my life?" he replied, anger bubbling.
"Forget already, did you? Stupid git, I should have known. You've been chasing me!"
"Oh, hardly. It's hardly chasing when the girl I'm 'chasing' wants it, too. Admit it: You. Want. Me," Draco hissed, annunciating each word.
Hermione was thunderstruck, and gaped at him. "You're bloody serious?"
"If memory serves, you enjoyed—and initiated—some of it! Don't go blaming your pathetic problems on me. I didn't hold a wand to your head, and force you to keep quiet, now did I?"
Outside, the thundered boomed again, and the candles blew out.
"Lumos," Hermione whispered shakily.
Draco repeated her movement with his own wand. Undoubtedly, his face looked sinister in the faint light.
She stared at him for a good solid minute, her face blank. "Forget it. I'm leaving, I don't know why I came."
"Neither do I! Stop sneaking into my room, and leave me the hell alone."
Hurt flickered across her face, and disappeared as quickly as it came. It was amusing to see how much he rubbed off on her.
"Not a problem," Hermione replied, with venom in her voice.
Don't let her leave, you git! Draco's brain screamed. Grab her, kiss her, do something!
Draco didn't want to give in easily, but his mind was starting to make sense.
"Hermione, wait," he said desperately.
She whirled around, her usually soft brown eyes, hard. "What?"
"Just…hear me out. I know that…well, I know I've been a prat. I'll admit it. But that night—"
"You mean last night."
"Yes." Draco swallowed, avoiding her gaze. He sounded like a huge cornball. Why in the Gods' name was he submitting himself to this humiliation?
"I don't have all night."
"I'm sorry," he said, finally looking into her toffee eyes.
"Sorry won't cut it."
"Oh for Christ's sake! It wasn't even that big of a deal! One little 'sleepover' and your friends disown you? What kind of friends are they?"
"I kept it a secret Draco! It doesn't help matters any when you knew, and they didn't," Hermione exclaimed.
"But it's not my fault. Cripes, I don't know why I'm bothering. You think what you want, I don't care anymore."
~*~
Hermione wanted to believe him, desperately. She wanted to forgive him, and maybe start over.
Damn that Gryffindor pride, and stubborn-like quality.
Torn, she looked at Draco, and battled internally.
"Fine," she said quietly, tears welling up.
"Why are you crying now?" he said viciously.
Because I think I love you. "You don't care."
Without waiting for another word, she turned on her heel, and stalked through the door, slamming it.
~*~
Weeks passed by, and no one failed to notice the tension between the Head Boy and Girl. No one missed the fact that once again, Hermione was seemingly friendless, after her secret had leaked out.
The dance Draco had slaved over passed, uneventful.
He went with Pansy, and Hermione refused to show up. Neville and another student asked her, but she blatantly refused.
Harry went with Parvati; Ron went with Lavender, glaring at Draco the entire time.
~*~
Professor Brose (the Muggle Studies teacher) looked around the class, smiling nervously.
The class was silent, watching Draco sit back down, looking over at Hermione.
The assignment was to present a muggle poem, song, or anything with words that reflected their feelings. Draco's of course, had been a stinging poem about their fight.
"Anyone want to go next?" she asked apprehensively.
Hermione raised her hand, and went up to the front of the classroom.
"This is Love/Hate, a song by Kelly Rowland," she said softly, raising her paper filled with the lyrics.
"I am so in love
I am so in hate
I just can't comprehend it
You get me so high
You get me so low
I can't show what I'm feelin'
Never was the type
To let someone like
You get under my skin
Tried like hell
But you don't care for real
You stepped on my feelings
See I love to love you boy
And I love to hate you
But I got to let you know
I'm a have to let you go
Love to feel the love
Love to heal from pain
Is there really a difference?
Wonder who is right
Wonder who is wrong
I'm just feelin' some tension
You can't compromise
We can't coincide
We should really be chillin'
Cause I've wasted so much time
Love is on the line
I've made my decision
It's useless to try and work things out
Don't need all of the stress
You're not worth it
I'm tired of all the ups and downs
So goodbye I'm leaving
Made up my mind
See I love to love you boy
And I love to hate you
But I got to let you know
I'm a have to let you go"
The entire time, she kept pausing, to look up at Draco meaningfully. It was about him, and he knew it.
He glared at her, his icy eyes boring holes into her. Hermione shivered at the end, hoping her message got across to him.
On the other side, Harry and Ron nodded, grinning widely.
~*~
Draco watched her leave the class, and stood quickly.
He caught up to Hermione in a matter of seconds, and gripped her wrist fiercely. Not caring who saw, he led her to their room.
"Frumples," he grumbled to the opening of their room. It swung open, giving him access to the common room.
Draco led to a couch, and let go of her wrist, flinging Hermione onto it.
"Just what the hell was that?" he demanded, fixing his best glare on her.
She shrugged, unwilling to answer.
"So you expect this to hurt me? We were never even together, Granger. So, we can't exactly let someone go."
Hermione flinched slightly, looking up at him. "Then it's easier, isn't it?"
He looked at her, disbelieving. "Yeah, I guess it is."
Hermione nodded, and stood. "Can I go now? In all honesty, those lyrics I just read…they weren't for fun, Malfoy."
So it's back to Malfoy. Fine, Draco thought savagely.
"Bugger, I'll just have to cry my eyes out," he spat sarcastically. "God, Granger…mighty full of yourself, now aren't you?"
"Hardly."
Hermione and Draco stared at each other for a long time, not exactly knowing what to say next.
She finally started for her room, before pausing. "There's one more thing I have to ask…" she began, catching his eye. "Did you…" Hermione halted her sentence, shaking her head. "I realize this is going to sound ridiculous, but…did you ever love me? Like me, even?"
Draco looked down at his feet, unsure of how to answer. No, he couldn't let her win now.
Besides, it's better this way. Cutting off all ties…it would just be fooling yourself to think if you two could have a relationship without interference, his mind rationalized. So forget what you're thinking and just say—
"No," Draco answered finally, looking up to meet her warm toffee eyes.
Hermione swallowed with a bit of difficulty, a tear slipping down her face. She nodded once more, but couldn't seem to move from her place.
Draco stared at her, his silver eyes hard, but his insides screaming for her to realize it was a façade.
Suddenly, in his mind, he envisioned lyrics to a muggle song. Draco had found it while looking for something suitable for his Muggle Studies piece.
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When you start to cry
I can't let you see
What you mean to me
When my hands are tied
And my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
Turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
He whirled on his heel, unable to take it anymore.
When he was sure she was couldn't see him, Draco whispered, "I did the right thing…I did the right thing…"
~*~
Hermione fell onto her bed, sighing.
It was ok, it wasn't as if they really had been going out…but, why did it hurt so much to hear that?
She wiped away a tear, looking at her magically altered stereo. Sniffing, she pointed her wand to it, making it play music suiting her mood.
"Can't believe you would leave me this way
Feeling kinda bad from the last things we said today
Can't believe you would turn and walk away
I'd know we would do this again and again
You say you love me I'll come back with I hate you
Only takes a day to
Realize I'm in love with you
You say you'll leave me
I'll come back with just stay boy
If you don't want my love
Then I have no choice this time
Tell me Baby what to do
I ain't trippin' over you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
I, I remain the same
I don't know what's up with you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
You said you didn't mean it that's fine
You wanna take it back cause your havin' a change of mind
Sometimes saying sorry won't do
Then somedays I can't do without you
You say you love me I'll come back with I hate you
Only takes a day to
Realize I'm in love with you
You say you're sober
I'll come back with your stank boy
If you don't want my love
Then I have no choice this time
Tell me Baby what to do
I ain't trippin' over you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
I, I remain the same
I don't know what's up with you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
Tell me Baby what to do
I ain't trippin' over you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
I, I remain the same
I don't know what's up with you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
Tell me Baby what to do
I ain't trippin' over you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
I, I remain the same
I don't know what's up with you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
Tell me Baby what to do
I ain't trippin' over you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
I, I remain the same
I don't know what's up with you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
Tell me baby what to do
I ain't trippin' over you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine
I, I remain the same
I don't know what's up with you
Any, Any other time
Remember I'm gone be fine"
Hermione blinked, staring at the stereo which had a song ending. How amazingly depressing this stupid spell was!
And how scarily accurate, she thought, flicking her wand once more, to make it play more cheerful music to get her pumped.
Ok, so Draco never openly admitted to loving her…but she still refused to believe him.
"Stop freaking out, Hermione. Come on, you're the one who wanted this, not him," she chided herself, trying to focus on anything but that certain platinum blonde with piercing silver eyes.
I wanted it. I wanted it. I wanted it, she repeated over and over in her head.
Before she could think farther, a new song interrupted her thoughts, and Hermione was immediately enraptured in the powerful voice, with uplifting lyrics.
"Miss Independent
Miss Self-sufficient
Miss Keep-your-distance, nnnn
Miss Unafraid
Miss Out-of-my-wayMiss, Don't-let-a-man,-interfere, Nooooo……
Miss On-her-own
Miss Almost-grown
Miss Never,-let-a-man,-help-her-off-her-throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little Miss Apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in Love
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise…It's time
To feel…what's Real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need for me to miss him
Goodbye … on you
Real Love … is true.
Misguided Heart
Miss Play-It-Smart
Miss If-you-wanna-use-that-line-you-better not - start, Noooo...
But she miscalculated
She didn't want to end up jaded
And Miss Miss-decided-not-to-miss-out-of-true-love
So, by changing a misconception
She went in a new direction
And found inside she felt a connection
She fellllll in Love
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise … it's time
To feel …what's Real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need for me to miss him
Goodbye … on you
Real Love … is truuuuuuue.
Why Miss Independent walked away?
No talk for Love that came her way
She looked in the mirror, and thought today
what happened to Miss No-longer-afraid
What took some time for Love to see
how beautiful Love could truly be
no more talk of what can that "be" mean
I'm so glad I finally feeel…
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise … it's time
To feel … what's Real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need for me to miss him
Goodbye … on you
Real Love … is truuuuuuue.
(Miss Independent) …"
She took in a deep shuddering breath, and sat up on her bed.
Flicking off the music, she sat in silence, looking at the door. Right through that door (well, and the common room, then another door—but let's not be technical) was a person who helped her out of shell.
Hermione Granger, bookworm geek. Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley's brainy friend. Hermione Granger, "Miss Independent". She had never found the need for someone or anyone else.
But after Draco…she was just…Hermione. No more mudblood. No more sitting in the shadows. For the Gods' sake, she rarely ever found herself in the library.
Draco Malfoy had changed her more than she liked. Subtly, yes…but nonetheless.
Hermione tried desperately to remember why it was she wanted to get rid of him in the first place. It had been weeks since their fight, and she honestly couldn't remember.
Stepping out of her room, and into the halls to wander, she came upon the reason why.
~*~
"What's this about you and 'Mione?" Ron Weasley demanded.
Kyle looked from Harry to Ron, in disbelief. "It's really not my place to tell," he said quietly.
Harry stepped forward, anger flashing in his eyes. "I swear, if you hurt our friend—"
"I had no intention of hurting her, and I still don't. However, even if I did, I must say that you two did a fabulous job of doing it for me the day it leaked out," Kyle snapped, Slytherin-type maliciousness finally entering his voice.
All the anger building up inside him from being constantly harassed by everyone in school about his relationship with Hermione, finally came out. Kyle would be the first to admit, he wouldn't be scoring points with her, letting it out on them…but they were dense little gits who got on his nerves.
"E-Excuse me?" Ron sputtered.
"Oh, yes…I forgot how thick you are. Perhaps you didn't see the look on Hermione's face when you two got up and left."
"SHE KEPT IT FROM US!" Ron hollered, his face red.
Kyle clenched his icy hands, leveling Harry—the rational one—with a glare. "Can you see why?" he asked Harry.
But he did nothing, just stared back with hard eyes. "No," he said stubbornly. "I would have understood."
Kyle scoffed. "Sure. Like you did then?"
"But she never gave us the chance," Harry stated quietly, his eyes narrowed.
"I can't even believe Hermione would touch a git like you," Ron spat, seething with anger.
"I can't believe she was friends with a prat like you," Kyle shot back.
Ron looked like he wanted to punch Kyle, but Harry held him back, nodding at Kyle.
"You leave. Now."
Kyle sneered. "Bloody hell…Potter, trying to save me. From what, Potter? Weasley can't touch me."
Harry let Ron go, with a warning look in emerald eyes. He stood his ground, glaring at Kyle.
"Watch it, Thompson. You're pushing your luck with us, and I can't guarantee your safety next time," Ron said venomously.
Kyle watched as the two idiots walked away, and saw a figure rushing toward him from the corner of his eye.
"Kyle!" Hermione exclaimed, panting. "What'd they say?"
He grinned a little, looking back at the spot Harry and Ron had currently occupied. "Well, let's just say they don't hate you as much as we'd think."
"Did they threaten you?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips. "I swear if they did—"
"Forget it," he interrupted, putting up his hand. "Let's go, it's getting late. Dinner's in an hour, and you look like you should probably take a nap."
Hermione smiled sheepishly, and let him place his hand on her waist. He led her to her room.
"Well, see you," Kyle said, after she halted. He raised her hand to his lips, and kissed it gently.
"Bye," Hermione added meekly. "Thanks."
He nodded, heading for the Slytherin dungeons.
~*~
Draco looked up, replacing the wall back to normal.
After hearing soft voices, he had cast a charm, causing the wall to be see-through. And there was Thompson, letting go of Hermione's waist, kissing her hand.
"Bye," she said softly. "Thanks."
Hermione walked into the common room, a grin on her face.
"Have fun with Thompson?" Draco spat, his icy eyes hard.
She looked taken aback, but nodded slowly. "Yes. How did you know—"
"Ancient Chinese secret," he said, surprised at his attempt at humor.
Pursing her lips together, Hermione sighed, and walked to a couch at the furthest end of the room.
She looked back, staring at Draco. Well, his lap, rather.
"Malfoy…is that my cat on your lap?" she asked incredulously.
(A/N: Bet you were thinking naughtily, weren't you?)
Draco shrugged. "Maybe. What's it to you?"
"It's my cat," Hermione stated indignantly.
"Thank you, but we've established that," he replied, stroking the orange furball. "Crookshanks isn't quite so bad…"
She stood up quickly, walking rapidly over to him. The cat meowed in protest when he was yanked off Draco's lap.
"Well what'd you do that for?" Draco demanded, a gleam in his eye. "He was perfectly content there!"
Hermione fixed him with a hard glare, and said nothing.
"Frigid little bitch, aren't you?" Draco sneered. "What, jealous that your cat beat you there?"
Even from across the room, he could see the bright blush on her cheeks. "Sod off, Malfoy. You have no idea what you're talking about!"
Standing, he folded his arms across his chest. "So enlighten me," Draco challenged.
A/N: That first song I already said was "Love/Hate" by Kelly Rowland. In order, it was: "Hardest Thing" by 98 Degrees, "Gone Be Fine" by Monica, and "Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson.
I realize this chapter seemed undoubtedly depressing, but I think it'll make it ever better for when they do hook up. Because, life isn't perfect.
In case you're curious as to why it took so long, I just went to Prom on Friday, May 2, 2003. So, the past week has been hectic for me…But I tried.
As for my new story, after I get a few more chapters typed up, I'll be submitting it. Right now, I have little guinea pigs testing out the story on this board, and after the first two chapters, they're loving it. Lol, someone even worships me. So hopefully, I'll get the same positive feedback.
Any of you who read my other role reversal fic, I'm sorry, but I'm dry on ideas for it. So it's postponed for a bit…Maybe if you could check it out…I'd be very grateful if I could get ideas!
Thanks.
I'd like to thank you guys again for all the positive feedback on all my stories! Even the little tidbit of the new one! Hopefully, that'll be up soon! So until then, I'd love it if you guys kept R&R-ing.
[Submitted: May 5, 2003]