A Shot at Normalcy: University Life

Disclaimer: - How many times exactly do u need me to say that I do not own Gundam Wing?

I LIVEEEE again! Yeah. I'm alive…life still a bit of a mess, but exams and school out of the way. Yay! So I can write again. I'm still trying to find a job and I hope I find one soon.

For everyone who is still keeping up with this fic of mine:

Gwaiiii! Its chapter 20! Yay! It will end soon..i dunno how many more chapters, but the end is in sight.

This chapter kinda continues from where the last one left off…

And thankyou for being patient and thank you for all the reviews

Oh-oh-oh-oh…and before you start reading, lemme warn you that the writing style is a bit different from the past chapters. So go ahead and enjoy. The chapter has been beta-ed by "kittensroni" my new beta for my old one is dead.

Chapter 20: The Locked in the Past

Jade woke up to a warm feeling. There was something warm against her. She instinctively tried to get up to check what it was and felt an arm around her waist tighten. She opened her eyes, only to come face to face with a well-built chest covered by a thin white T-shirt. Suddenly, all the events of the previous night came flooding back. He had kissed her. He had kissed her and she had kissed him back. She had kissed him.

'Why did I do that? Why did I kiss him? Why him? He doesn't feel for me, but why?' she kept thinking, but the look in his eyes when he tried to comfort her last night told her otherwise.

'He loves Middi,' she thought

'But then what of the feelings that you were getting from him all this while, before she showed up?' said a little voice in the back of her head

'Right now, what happened last night is the least of my worries.'

'Is it now?' said the little voice inside her head. 'You know that you love him and he loves you, whether you like it or not.'

'So?'

'Jade, you foolish girl, do you not see what you have in front of you?' said the little voice in her head again.

'I don't have anything. I never have. Let me be happy while I can.'

With a slight smirk, she turned around in Trowa's embrace, which had now loosened a bit. While she was turning, her shirt hitched up a bit, revealing part of her belly.

Trowa had woken up the moment she tried to get up and tightened his grip around her waist. He did not want her to leave. It was so comfy with her there in his arms. He watched the various expressions flit across her normally placid face and then with a little smile she turned around, he noticed how her shirt hitched up. He could not resist touching the patch of the golden skin that was exposed, and before he could stop himself, his was now on her skin.

The hand on her waist had now shifted. It was on bare skin now. She felt her breath catch in her throat. That hand, his hand, was now moving up under her shirt. She was frozen. Locked in the past. It was his hand that was under her shirt. That hand was now moving up and down her abdomen in slow, languid motions. She knew that they were not his hands. His hands had never been gentle, but she was locked in the past. She knew they were not his hands but she was scared. Memories came flooding back, immobilizing her. Memories so strong, she forgot where she was. They were his hands again. That hand was now making patterns on her stomach, slowing going upwards. She felt another hand move her curls away from her neck, and heard someone whisper

"Sleep well, beautiful?"

Those words! Same words. Those same whispered words, that same question again. She was scared stiff. Fear showed in her eyes, it was etched on her face. She could do nothing. Those words…

She felt a warm mouth descend on the nape of her neck. Someone was trailing kisses down her neck, licking it, sucking on her neck. Open-mouthed kisses, up and down her neck. She felt her eyes tear up. A hand running up and down her left shoulder, the spaghetti strap and the bra strap being moved out of the way. She was scared. She could do nothing. He was going to force himself on her again.

That question again.

"Sleep well?"

The tears started flowing.

"Sleep well, beautiful?" he asked her

Trowa thought she nodded, but he couldn't be sure. He moved away her hair with his other hand, his left hand still on her abdomen. He knew she was awake. She hadn't said anything that he had done so far. He needed to make her speak. He kissed her neck once. He had kissed her last night, she didn't mind then. He started trailing kisses up and down the side of her neck and he found one spot interesting enough to give it personal attention for a while. His hand was now moving up and down her shoulder.

The skin felt so smooth, so soft, but then there were these bumpy things in the way. He moved them out of the way. All the while his eyes were closed. She sure was intoxicating. Her scent was intoxicating, her taste was intoxicating. She was a mystery that he wished to unravel.

"Sleep well?" he asked again in a whisper after a while.

Nothing. No reaction.

Something was not right. She had to either respond to his ministrations or slap him for being so bold. But there was no reaction from her. She was as she had been since he first started. He turned her so that she was looking up at the ceiling. Was she crying?

He was now on top of her, straddling her. Yes, she was crying? But why?

He eyes looked like there were staring off into space. In a trance, she wasn't here.

"Jade! Wake up," he said

"Jade, what's wrong?"

The tears continued to flow. The glassy look still there.

He was straddling her now. And she could see his insane grin, the animal lust in his eyes.

She then felt someone shake her, but all she could see was that insane gleam in his eyes.

"Jade wake up" she heard someone say, but the voice seemed far away.

"Jade, what's wrong?" she heard the voice ask again.

'Everything's wrong,' her mind screamed, but her voice was lost somewhere in this nightmare.

She felt someone shake her. She could not bear to see those eyes. She felt someone shake her again. She closed her eyes.

He shook her again and she closed her eyes…the tears still flowing.

"Jade, open your eyes, it's just me."

He shifted off her and pulled her into his lap. He held her there. He did not know what was wrong with her and it unnerved him to see this normally strong girl break into pieces. It unnerved him to see Jade, who was highly pragmatic, lose touch with reality. Whatever she experienced must've been really traumatic and it dawned on him that she did not tell him the whole story last night. She had been through much worse that what she revealed to him.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry," he heard her say.

Atleast now she was back into the present.

"What happened?" he asked her, soothing her at the same time. He was getting good at this comforting business.

"It was him," she said adjusting her bra and shirt straps. "He said the same words, and he would force himself on me again."

She seemed to be back in the real world now and it dawned on her what she had just said and to whom she had said those words.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to take care of me; you shouldn't have to hold me. I'm so sorry," she kept repeating again and again.

Trowa was silent. He now knew what she meant when she was referring to Trevor. It was most probably his fault. He knew it. Maybe he rushed things too much. She probably still suffered from the trauma. He should have known that. He had seen the way she reacted with news regarding Trevor's activities. How could have been so stupid.

"Shhh…its okay. He wasn't here. He was never here."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry".

What had happened to her hard earned control? Where did it go off? She thought she was over it, that she had dealt with her issues with Trevor. Apparently, she hadn't. And now he was back. She wanted to be able to deal with him the next time he came after her. She was tired of running. He was a snake, and he still managed to scare her. Why? She had broken down thrice so far, just because of him. And broken down in front of Trowa, too. Of all the people that she knew, why did it have to be Trowa? She needed to stop doing that. She would not break down. She would not be weak. She would not cry. She would not run away. She would not let herself be confined.

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A/N: phewall done. I hope you liked this chapter. And I just realised that there a little bit more than I thought there was before the end of the story. Thank you keeping up with me. And I thank my new beat again. She writes excellent Harry Potter fics, but she refrains from publishing them. sigh what can I say? Anywho..reviews are always welcome