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A/N: Thanks for the reviews and glad you like this story. Glad you thought it was really funny as well.
A letter to Draco Malfoy from Hermione
Granger
Malfoy,
I was right about you. You're a pervert. You really are. I am awfully sorry that I asked you about your so-called relationship with Pansy Parkinson. I keep getting mental images in my mind about you two snogging in a dark empty classroom. I find myself concentrating less on my studies now all thanks to you and my curiosity. And Parkinson of course though I can hardly imagine how you can kiss her. She reminds me about that pug dog I once saw in the park when I was little. That dog belonged to this rather old lady and loved to chase the ducks that were out of the pond. Yes, Parkinson reminds me of that pug dog.
And yes, it is unusual of you to keep on acting a tad nice. I somehow think that someone did spike your pumpkin juice - with a Reverse Personality potion but only once you've drunk it, your personality will change entirely (and that hasn't happened now has it? It's not like you're suddenly very nice and gentlemanly now) and for another thing, the effect would wear off in a day. It's probably you Malfoy. Somehow or rather, you actually find some pleasure in owling me. I'm sorry but it's probably true or you wouldn't be owling me at all.
And another thing, I'm returning the drawings to you as you have asked Malfoy, however, with another stash of drawings - this time drawn by Seamus Finnigan. You probably know him. But that doesn't matter. His drawings are better than yours. I've sent his drawings to you along with yours just to get you to compare your drawings with his and see how better his drawings are. Oh go on and do it and don't see red as you read this. I am, after all, telling the truth. Really Malfoy, if they were teaching drawing classes here you should go.
Another thing before I end this letter, if it was you who had sent me that anonymous note in the morning, several days ago as a cruel joke, I suggest you stop it this instant!
H.Granger
A note to Hermione Granger from Lavender Brown and Parvati
Patil
Dearest Hermione,
Apparently you didn't really get the message did you? We told you to meet us at the empty girl's bathroom on the second floor during lunch but you never came to meet us. Do you realize how important our lives depend on this??? We want a reply from you NOW!!! - Lavender & Parvati
Lavender, Parvati, sorry if I didn't meet you at the girl's bathroom though I really don't think all this is necessary. And really, you shouldn't be sending notes at this time, I'm trying to listen to Professor Binns. He's hinting that this topic's coming up in the exams - Hermione
What do you mean all of this isn't necessary?? Hermione, WE are DYING to know who your secret admirer is. And WE happen to be experts at stuff like that. If you just let us help you, we'd be able to find out who it is sending you that rose and the note! - Lavender & Parvati
Unfortunately, I don't want any help from anyone. And really, the note that I got was probably a joke. And I got it days ago. I haven't gotten any recent notes or anything. So would you PLEASE stop bothering me?? Really, you two are alot more annoying than usual today - Hermione
God, you're such a ... well I don't know what to describe you at the moment and neither does Parvati and I'm sure if we were as smart as you we'd find the word. But anyway, see if we'll ever help you again! - Lavender & Parvati
A letter to Hermione Granger from Draco
Malfoy
Granger you don't really need to rub it in my face that I can't draw you know. In fact, you shouldn't have sent those drawings that Finnigan drew. And you know what's the worst thing Granger?
They are not drawings of Potter being tortured - they were drawings of me being tortured. That tall, skinny, pale boy with the blonde - almost white - hair in those drawings - they're supposed to be me aren't they Granger? You call my drawings disgusting? Finnigan's drawings are even more disgusting - especially the last one - the one of me suddenly becoming a mudblood - like you! Dressed in muggle clothes (a black shirt and blue trousers or similar to that) and surrounded by muggle objects several which were unknown to me. Just plain disgusting. Oh God, now there's even a mental picture of me actually being a mudblood in my mind! All thanks to you mudblood! And Irish-Boy as well.
Of course, you're probably laughing right now. I'll wipe those smiles off your faces when Slytherin wins the Quidditch match that's up in a few days. Then we'll see who'll be laughing Granger.
D.Malfoy
And about me and Pansy Parkinson - Granger when are you ever going to get my jokes? As if I'd snog a girl like her. Follows me around like a puppy dog - that stupid, gullible girl. And you're strangely right. She looks like a pug. That's probably why she likes to follow me around. I find it odd that we sort of agree on the same thing.
A letter to Hermione Granger from Mrs. Granger
My dearest Hermione,
I certainly hope that I've done it right this time. I hope the owl had done it's job right. I'm afraid that somebody might spot an owl carrying a letter and catch it and - well who knows what could've happened? Has anything like that happened before?
Alright, alright I'm worrying again. Darling, your father and I miss you alot as well. Hope you're having a good time there. Say hello to all of your friends for us will you? Don't work too hard and go over the edge alright? At least have some time to have a little bit of fun. Your day at Hogsmeade sounds delightful though. Though really, that challenge sounds sort of awful. Don't drink too much of that stuff alright? And thank you for those tooth-flossing mints dear. We loved them alot. Everything's fine back here. You would never believe how many people have been coming to us to have their teeth pulled out because of some bad cavity. Really! The number of sweets and chocolates people eat these days. Hope you're eating well yourself Hermione darling. Don't eat too much of the sugary stuff or you'll have cavities as well. Write soon love!
Love, your mum
P.S. Your father says hi too. He's been busy lately. Hope you understand!
A/N: Thanks for the reviews and glad you like this story. Glad you thought it was really funny as well.
Malfoy,
I was right about you. You're a pervert. You really are. I am awfully sorry that I asked you about your so-called relationship with Pansy Parkinson. I keep getting mental images in my mind about you two snogging in a dark empty classroom. I find myself concentrating less on my studies now all thanks to you and my curiosity. And Parkinson of course though I can hardly imagine how you can kiss her. She reminds me about that pug dog I once saw in the park when I was little. That dog belonged to this rather old lady and loved to chase the ducks that were out of the pond. Yes, Parkinson reminds me of that pug dog.
And yes, it is unusual of you to keep on acting a tad nice. I somehow think that someone did spike your pumpkin juice - with a Reverse Personality potion but only once you've drunk it, your personality will change entirely (and that hasn't happened now has it? It's not like you're suddenly very nice and gentlemanly now) and for another thing, the effect would wear off in a day. It's probably you Malfoy. Somehow or rather, you actually find some pleasure in owling me. I'm sorry but it's probably true or you wouldn't be owling me at all.
And another thing, I'm returning the drawings to you as you have asked Malfoy, however, with another stash of drawings - this time drawn by Seamus Finnigan. You probably know him. But that doesn't matter. His drawings are better than yours. I've sent his drawings to you along with yours just to get you to compare your drawings with his and see how better his drawings are. Oh go on and do it and don't see red as you read this. I am, after all, telling the truth. Really Malfoy, if they were teaching drawing classes here you should go.
Another thing before I end this letter, if it was you who had sent me that anonymous note in the morning, several days ago as a cruel joke, I suggest you stop it this instant!
H.Granger
Dearest Hermione,
Apparently you didn't really get the message did you? We told you to meet us at the empty girl's bathroom on the second floor during lunch but you never came to meet us. Do you realize how important our lives depend on this??? We want a reply from you NOW!!! - Lavender & Parvati
Lavender, Parvati, sorry if I didn't meet you at the girl's bathroom though I really don't think all this is necessary. And really, you shouldn't be sending notes at this time, I'm trying to listen to Professor Binns. He's hinting that this topic's coming up in the exams - Hermione
What do you mean all of this isn't necessary?? Hermione, WE are DYING to know who your secret admirer is. And WE happen to be experts at stuff like that. If you just let us help you, we'd be able to find out who it is sending you that rose and the note! - Lavender & Parvati
Unfortunately, I don't want any help from anyone. And really, the note that I got was probably a joke. And I got it days ago. I haven't gotten any recent notes or anything. So would you PLEASE stop bothering me?? Really, you two are alot more annoying than usual today - Hermione
God, you're such a ... well I don't know what to describe you at the moment and neither does Parvati and I'm sure if we were as smart as you we'd find the word. But anyway, see if we'll ever help you again! - Lavender & Parvati
Granger you don't really need to rub it in my face that I can't draw you know. In fact, you shouldn't have sent those drawings that Finnigan drew. And you know what's the worst thing Granger?
They are not drawings of Potter being tortured - they were drawings of me being tortured. That tall, skinny, pale boy with the blonde - almost white - hair in those drawings - they're supposed to be me aren't they Granger? You call my drawings disgusting? Finnigan's drawings are even more disgusting - especially the last one - the one of me suddenly becoming a mudblood - like you! Dressed in muggle clothes (a black shirt and blue trousers or similar to that) and surrounded by muggle objects several which were unknown to me. Just plain disgusting. Oh God, now there's even a mental picture of me actually being a mudblood in my mind! All thanks to you mudblood! And Irish-Boy as well.
Of course, you're probably laughing right now. I'll wipe those smiles off your faces when Slytherin wins the Quidditch match that's up in a few days. Then we'll see who'll be laughing Granger.
D.Malfoy
And about me and Pansy Parkinson - Granger when are you ever going to get my jokes? As if I'd snog a girl like her. Follows me around like a puppy dog - that stupid, gullible girl. And you're strangely right. She looks like a pug. That's probably why she likes to follow me around. I find it odd that we sort of agree on the same thing.
My dearest Hermione,
I certainly hope that I've done it right this time. I hope the owl had done it's job right. I'm afraid that somebody might spot an owl carrying a letter and catch it and - well who knows what could've happened? Has anything like that happened before?
Alright, alright I'm worrying again. Darling, your father and I miss you alot as well. Hope you're having a good time there. Say hello to all of your friends for us will you? Don't work too hard and go over the edge alright? At least have some time to have a little bit of fun. Your day at Hogsmeade sounds delightful though. Though really, that challenge sounds sort of awful. Don't drink too much of that stuff alright? And thank you for those tooth-flossing mints dear. We loved them alot. Everything's fine back here. You would never believe how many people have been coming to us to have their teeth pulled out because of some bad cavity. Really! The number of sweets and chocolates people eat these days. Hope you're eating well yourself Hermione darling. Don't eat too much of the sugary stuff or you'll have cavities as well. Write soon love!
Love, your mum
P.S. Your father says hi too. He's been busy lately. Hope you understand!