Come to me now
And lay your hands over me, even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright, and I shall believe
I'm broken in two, and I know you're on to me
That I only come home, when I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe. And I shall believe

Open the door, and show me your face tonight
I know it's true, no one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again, would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight, but your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe.
-S. Crow, "I Shall Believe"

Westbury, England

This was not going to work out. Giles was not meant to spend time with teenaged girls. He already did this. His tour of duty was over.

Ow! Stop it! Mr. Giles Molly keeps hitting me with my notebook! Annabelle screeched.

It's a stupid notebook! Like when you are out killing things you are going to 'ave time to look it up in the book! So I am hitting you with it.

It had been like this for days. Giles and screaming, fighting, teenage flesh, Giles separating screaming, fighting, teenage flesh, Giles wanting to kill screaming, fighting, teenage flesh.

GIRLS! Stop it! I have had quite enough of this, this crap! This must end! That's it you can both go hang out with Willow.

they complained simultaneously.

What? What you trite little twits?

I hate to be rude, but wasn't she evil not so long ago? Molly asked.

Well as you will soon learn, evil isn't as cut and dry as you'd like it to be. Most of Buffy's friends and associates were evil or tried to end the world at some point. The only one I can think of might be Xander, Oh wait, he was Dracula's lackey, yeah none of them are innocent.

Dracula is real? Annabelle started scribbling down notes.

Yes, quite real, we dealt with him a while back. I wonder if Spike ever got his money back. All of us have been bad people at some point, it's not avoidable.

But Mr. Giles, you have never been evil, you are a Watcher, and Watchers are good.

Sure Annabelle, but you need to know nothing about me. Girls we need to get your things together and some books and supplies to head to Sunnydale. We have another girl to pick up in New York; maybe she'll be a mute. I want you to gather your things. I need to head to the Council, and grab some information.

Are you going nick it from Molly's cockney accent was starting to wear on Giles.

No, I need to get some information from them on the other girls out there. It's really none of your business. Go pack your things and eat something.

Giles left the room. What was he doing? Could this really be starting? Travers had called earlier that day with the confirmation of their greatest nightmare. Reports had come in, potentials killed in Turkey, Morocco, Peru, Taiwan, Germany, Egypt, and god only knew where else. Plenty of Watchers had been lost too; Samuel had been first, and now others were unreachable, presumed dead. It had all come on in the last week, a fast and furious attack to the line. They had all been educated about the possibility of events such as these, and possible procedures, but they never had expected it to happen. The plan had always been to send the girls, and their Watchers to the current slayer. The current official slayer was in prison, not exactly useful. The unofficial slayer, Buffy, was still in Sunnydale, but was it safe to send them to the Hell mouth? Was it safe to send them to her? Since her return from the grave, she just hadn't seemed right, 100%.

Giles knew he had to pick up some documents from the Council. Information about who could be doing this. Most of his books had been destroyed by Willow, so stealing was his only option, for Travers was not about to hand them over. Luckily for Giles, he had a history of juvinile delinquency behind him. In the basement of the Council building there was a secret entrance. It had been put in the building during WWII when the Council had to go into hiding thanks to the blitzkrieg. All of the oldest, and most sacred documents had been placed in the safety of a bomb shelter in the basement of the building. Nazi's notoriously had a thing for documents pretaining to the occult, so they had to be hidden someplace safe, where no one would look for them. The shelter's entrance had been plastered over. Giles mother had seen them once, and had told him about them, where they were, what they were. She had assisted in hiding the documents, and had once mentioned that the only sign of where the door was, was a small drawing of the Phoenix, near the floor, it had been done when the plaster was still wet. The Council had hoped they would rise like the Phoenix from the ashes of the Blitz. Those documents finally were necessary, their ancient nature was of the upmost importance. These were the documents he needed now, he only hoped that Travers had forgotten about them. They were the only things that could help them now, this wasn't the sort of situation that you research and find a fix for. This was something none of them had ever seen, or dealt with.

Giles thought about calling Wesley, to warn him about what was happening, so he could get to Faith and warn her. It would be easy enough to do this once he was in Sunnydale, and far cheaper as well. He had work to do here. He couldn't waste time with phone calls, he couldn't leave the girls for too long, for the harbingers would get them, the harbingers might be after him as well, he had to move quickly.

Sunnydale, California, Buffy's Dream

It won't be long now a voice spoke from nowhere. Eventually a green fog formed around her and a strange seal appeared beneath her feet, a pentagram and with a goat's head.
You will know your place the voice continued, it was oddly familiar, but yet not.
Suddenly the Master appeared before her.
You will wish I had killed you once it begins.
The master began to laugh. Buffy tried to run but the fog turned into men, creatures maybe in robes, their eyes crossed out with symbols, each of them holding a knife. They were familiar too.They began to move in towards her, poke their knives in her direction.
Remember my dear, from beneath you it devours
Suddenly they were all gone, and the dream began all over again.

Buffy had been asleep for at least a half an hour. The football special on TV had only been season highlights from the prior season. Oprah had on Dr. Phil, who once again told people what morons they were. Spike was glad to have the TV back at his access. He was so sucked in he didn't hear Anya arrive.

What are you doing here? Did you kill Buffy? Anya's shrill voice broke his trance.

Spike jerked his head in the direction of the voice. Anya? By god you scared me. Buffy's asleep, not dead.

Where is Dawn? Did you kill her?

She's with your ex, the wanker, helping him out or something. Keep it down, Buffy's had a rough day.

Was it a rough day involving forced sex in a bathroom?

Anya! No, Jesus, I haven't laid a bloody finger on her okay? Does the whole town know?

Fine, why do I not smell food? I have had a long day, I had a 3 o'clock evisceration in Boston and before that I had to put a man's penis on his forehead in Brazil. Wow that one was hysterical all the town folk pointing at him and mocking his penis head.

Nice to see you enjoying your work Anya, or is it Anyanka again?

Oh, I'm just going by Anya now, Anyanka had such a 14th century feel to it. I am more modern now.

Nice to know. Care to join me? Dr. Phil is pointing out the obvious to ridiculously insipid people.

I think he is part demon, he is far to honest to be human, they all seem to lie so much. Anya walked closer to him, leaning in, looking deeply at him, Spike? How did you do it?

What? How'd I do what, turn Oprah on? Its this miraculous little box with buttons on it called a remote, its quite the remarkable invention, you push the numbers and the channels on the telly change.

Not that, I can see you.

You can see who?

I'm a demon of course I can, it's written all over you. Okay the strangely dark hair was sort of a trigger something was wrong, but then the eyes completely gave you away. You got your soul back. Oh Halfrek says hi. Every time I see her she's always asking about William the Bloody. Who in the vengeance business have you not had sex with? Apparently you were much kinkier in the early..

Spike interrupted her, What? That's it, all you have to say is Halfrek says hello, we compared shagging notes, by the way nice soul?

Well, you must have done something to get it. Have you had sex with D'Hoffryn? That would definitely make you sort of bisexual, which would be different, but D'Hoffryn always seems so uptight, did you get him drunk like me?

Anya, I haven't had sex with D'Hoffran, I don't even know who he is.

Would you like to have more sex with me? I haven't gotten to have any in some time, and you were so eager the last time, we have plenty of time.

Have all the women in Sunnydale fallen completely off their rockers? No Anya I am not having sex with you or anyone else right now.

Is it my hair? Its totally the hair isn't it?

Actually it's quite fetching, but I am just not looking to bed down with anyone right now, still trying to work through this whole soul business.

Fine. What is Buffy going to cook? I could try to be useful and pretend to start it for her by busying myself in the kitchen and throwing flour on my face so I appear to be slaving over bread or something.

Spaghetti, some meat sauce or something, I really wasn't paying attention, not my gig you know?

Okay. Oh, the sticks for my hair are very nice. I can't wear them on the job, too dangerous, they might stab me in the head while teleporting.



There was a noise from the front door. Dawn and Xander must be home. Anya went to get the door. Spike tried to wake Buffy.

Hello, come in, Spike is here and has not killed Buffy, or had sex with her, or me.

Anya was so good at screwing up an already bad situation.

Buffy? Wake up, it's showtime, the kids are home

Buffy rolled onto her back, From beneath you it devours she sighed and stretched and sat up. From beneath you it devours. Does that mean anything to you Spike? He kept saying it over and over again.

Who kept saying that?

The Master, he was in my dream with weird guys with knives and no eyes, he kept saying: From beneath you it devours.

I don't know love, but the gang's all here and I think I need my lap incase a rapid escape is necessary.

she turned towards the door, Hey Anya, are Dawn and Xander home?

Yeah, we are right here, what we are wondering is what is he doing here? Xander crossed his arms across his chest, in a very authoritarian manner.

Xander, Spike came back today, he is here to protect me from the big bad, Giles sent him.

What did everyone who hurt you win a trip to England this year Buff?

Oh, I didn't, but I have teleported there many times this summer Anya interjected.

Xander, he's changed, he's different, just give him a chance.

Dawn just scowled at Spike. He knew that she knew what had happened between him and Buffy last spring. That was something she didn't need to know, but it was not available to rip from her memory.

What Buffy, he isn't attempted rape man now? Is he attempted homicide or maybe attempted burglary man now?

Now Xander, just stop it. I am not here to cause a world of trouble. The Council and Giles sent me. If you don't like it I can leave during your little soiree. Slayer hasn't exactly been rushing to kick me out, so maybe you shouldn't either.

What are you threatening me? Gee Buffy, seems like the same old Spike to me. Wait, he got the chip out didn't he? That's perfect now he's completely able to attempt to rape all the women in the tri-county area!

Xander! Stop it! Leave him alone, okay? And stop saying rape; no one got raped last spring, especially not me. His chip is fine. I should have known you would act like this.

Act like what? A really pissed off protective friend? Oh sorry Buffy I had no idea you didn't need us friends to care about you!

Stop it you two! Dawn stood between them, Just stop it okay? If he had to come back to help then we should just get over it cos he isn't going anywhere.

Oh I get it Buffy, you weren't sick this morning you just wanted old Xander to take little Sis in for registration so you could have some quality time with sexy beast over there!

He wasn't here this morning. He showed up early afternoon. Could we all just stop it? Buffy gave up and fell back onto the couch, I am so sick of all of this. she stood back up, Spike, come on, help me in the kitchen let them get over it alone.

Spike and Buffy headed to the kitchen.

God! Why are they so hard to please? No matter what I do I somehow fuck up the whole situation.

Maybe its not you love, maybe they are the ones who screw it up. You were honest, and still they don't like this idea of you and me, even in the same room. It's my fault, they don't like me.

Buffy was busying herself around the kitchen. Filling a pot with water, dumping sauce out of a jar into a pot, browning meat in a pan, she looked so domesticated, so out of her element.

Spike, can you grab some plates out of the cabinet?

Jesus Buffy, I'm home for 5 minutes and already treating me like the old ball and chain.

Shut up, usually Dawn is in here to help me, but right now I think she'd rather stare me into an early grave than help me.

Fine, but if you ask me to set the table I will have to put my very undead foot down.

Buffy smiled, it was nice to see her smile, and Spike had almost forgotten how she could light up like that. It was then that Anya burst through the door.

Xander and Dawn want to leave, they want you to join them now.

Who me? I never took Xander for the type, and Dawn, well isn't that just a bit pedophilic!

Not you Spike, her she pointed at Buffy They think you need to have some sense talked into you. They want to take you out and straighten you up.

Well, Anya I think that's really special of them, but if it is this important they can tell me themselves. It's not like I am not a room away. Plus I am halfway through making dinner, I am not just walking out now, can't really afford to throw the food out.

Go, I can pretend to watch over the food while you are shouted at in disappointed tones. Where do you keep the flour?

What about flour? Fine, I will go talk to them on the porch. Spike can you watch the food so the water doesn't boil over and the meat doesn't get all black like.

Yeah, go work on the peace treaty.

Spike and I can handle it, be confident in our strength.

As she walked out Buffy heard Anya turn on the radio. A burst of mariachi music followed her through the door. That radio had been broken for years, since before her mother had died, the dial was broken, stuck on the latin music station. Buffy could never bring herself to replace that radio. The noted the front door was opened, and found Xander and Dawn on the front porch.

What the hell is this?

Buffy, are you thinking clearly? Is there a gas leak in the house? You really are starting to creep the hell out of me. I mean I know I may have spent my fair share of apocalypses unconscious, but if there was ever a time to be unconscious, it's right now. Xander started.

Yeah Buffy, I mean, that's Spike, don't you remember what happened last time you two had some quality time together?

Dawn! Puhlease! Is this the same girl who this morning was running around like a toddler at Christmas: ooo look at the earrings Spike got me, ooo they are so cool, ooo I'm going to wear them always'

Spike bought you earrings? What the hell is she talking about Dawn? Xander was giving Dawn the stern father stare that constantly irked her.

Well, I didn't just get a gift, Anya got something and Buffy got that necklace and some weird statues and was crying about it and freaking out all over the place. So at least I was happy about it, instead there's Buffy wahhh I'm so sad, I'm so broken, wah wah wah

DAWN! Stop it! Lets just stop it. Okay? Spike is here for a reason. Giles sent him to me. Did you hear? He got a salary for me, and his soul is back too. He is changed, he is different, he is trying really hard, if only some of us would could show the same courtesy to him!

Oooo He has a soul, please Buffy where have we heard that before? Same song different singer, he isn't different, he isn't changed, and he is still the same miserable stalker he was before he tried to rape you. Or have you forgotten all about that? Isn't that convenient? Since when do you give a shit about what the Council says? Didn't you abandon them years ago? Who are you and what have you done with Buffy? Xander started shaking Buffy. She pushed him off quickly.

Xander, you didn't get a phone call at 4 am this morning from Giles sounding like the world was coming to an end, I mean really coming to an end, in a we can't stop it sort of way. The Council knows what is going on, and this involves them too. They are paying me! Hello? Have we all forgotten the current Summers' financial crises?

So you're whoring yourself out now, is that it?

You sonofabitch! Xander I can't even believe you!

Well, I am not exactly seeing the Buffy I know! Who are you? I mean what the hell?

Xander if you don't like it then you can leave. Get over it. Remember if it is the end of the world, who you are going to run to, who is going to save your ass again and again, yeah its me, and Spike has been a pretty big help for the last couple of years in that department as well, so get over it. Dawn, get in the house, if Xander wants to join his friends, he is more than welcome, but this conversation is over.

Buf-fy, come on, Xander isn't nuts, he is just concerned.

Well I think he should worry about himself and not me, I am a big girl now. Xander your concern is great, but just trust me for like 5 minutes. Spike made a mistake last spring, he knows it, I know it, and we are forgiving each other. Trust me if you knew what had happened before that you would probably think a little differently.

That's part of the problem Buffy! You leave me, us, in the dark and expect us to just follow your lead, we only get half the story, the half you want us to hear, and then when we make assumptions and judgments based on that information you chastise me, I mean us!

Whoa Xander go easy on those 50 cent words, we don't want to hurt your fragile brain! So you want to know what happened? Here is the long and short of it. I banged Spike, I banged him like you would never believe! I started it; I rode him hard and put him away wet! I instigated it! I used him and threw him away! Yeah I did! I used him and treated him like a piece of shit because I was living in the world of self-denial! When I came back I felt wrong, empty, different, the only person who didn't push me to be Good Old Buffy was Spike! He didn't care who I was he was just glad it was me, that was enough for him, but not for any of you, NOOO I had to be perfect little Buffy, the good girl, the golden girl, everyone's savior! Well I am not! I am dirty and corrupted and foul and full of decay! I was rotting inside and none of you saw it! None of you! Spike was there to stop the erosion, he made me feel, he made me know love, he made me know forgiveness, he brought me back in a way none of you and your magick could. What he did to me in that bathroom was a direct result of the all awful heartless things I did to him all year. If anyone was acting like a soulless vampire it was me, not him, so don't take this out on him, take it out on me!

Xander's mouth just gaped open. He was speechless.

Are you catching flys over there? Xander? Hello-o? Dawn nudged Xander trying to bring him out of his shock.

Well, I don't know what to say Buff, I mean why didn't you come to us? Why? We were there for you. You didn't need to go to that monster.

Stop it! Don't you see, in this I am the monster! Take the blinders off Xander; I make mistakes! I screw up! Spike was just along for the ride. You know why he got his soul? For me, so he could be worthy of me, so he could be enough for me, what I deserved. Do you know how? He suffered through trials of torture in a cave in Bumblescrew Africa, he was beaten and abused and almost killed, for me. He did it all for me, everything he has done for the last year has been for or because of me! The year before that too, all for me! And I treated him like trash because I couldn't accept that I did love him just the way he was, cos I was scared of what you and Will would think of me. How you would look at me like trash, and you know what, no matter what you are going to see that in me so why should I hide it anymore? This conversation is over, if you want some food you are more than welcome to join us if you can act civil and treat Spike like a man, not some piece of trash. Buffy turned and walked back into the house. Dawn followed her in.

Buffy? I'm sorry you were scared to tell us, well at least me.

Dawn, it wasn't your burden to carry, you are young, enjoy it, what I wouldn't have given to have a burden free high school life. Don't worry about it, just remember people screw up and you shouldn't judge them for it. Sometimes they screw up in more ways than one, not only was I scared to tell you guys what was going on, but I was scared to admit to myself what was going on, and finally I was scared to let Spike in, don't be a coward Dawn, never be a coward. We all have the potential in us to be more than we are at any given moment, but part of fulfilling that is not being a coward.

Okay, so the message is, be as kamikaze? Be one with your inner kamikaze pilot because sometimes your plane won't crash and you'll get to live?

Sort of, where did you get that kamikaze stuff from?

History channel, World War II marathon, last weekend, not much sleep, lots of kamikaze.

Oh, you really need to get more friends. Buffy says with a smile, Now how about setting the table? Spike says he won't be my bitch and do your chores.

Sure, don't worry about it. Dawn went into the kitchen.

Buffy could hear someone behind her.

Yeah Xander?

I'm sorry, I really should mind my own damn business. It's not like my love life has been a raging success, I mean I'm a failure, I jilted the love of my life at the altar because I am a chicken. So who am I to judge?

It's okay, I know you are just protective of me, and that's good, but you gotta trust me. I know what I am doing. Xander reached out and hugged Buffy.

I should know that by now shouldn't I? I still thinks it gross though, and I don't really like it, but I am not you, so I really can't say anything either way. Xander gave Buffy a little smirk.

Anya ran through the door into the dining room.

AHHH Buffy! I have been in here slaving over this stove and now it is time for you to finish. We threw the noodles at the wall, the ceiling and the refrigerator; we have decided they are sticky and should be eaten. Now. Preferably with sauce.

Anya, why are you covered in flour?

I was slaving in the kitchen, much like the ladies on TV, whenever they come out of the kitchen they have flour on them and a hearty home cooked meal ready for the table. You didn't have any aprons otherwise I would be wearing one as well."

"She's gone completely loony! Too many late night reruns!" Spike hollered from the kitchen.

"Well, thanks Anya, I'll go take care of dinner."

"I didn't mean in interrupt a moment of love. Please commence your forgiving hugs."

"Anya, I think you spent too much time with the Buffy-bot. It's okay I think me and Xander sort of worked through this."

"Yeah, I think we're good."

"Fine, I am going to now collapse on the couch in an overly dramatic fashion to show how much energy I exherted on dinner." with that said, Anya headed for the living room.

"Buff, you need any help with anything?"

"No, I'm good Xander. I'll have food out in a minute."

Buffy headed back to the kitchen, Dawn headed out of the kitchen with a tower of dishes and silver ware.

"Behold, the powers of the Amazing Dawn Summers! She's not just a high school freshman, she is also master of the dinner table!"

"Dawn, you really need to get more friends." Xander laughed at her.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?"