Author's Note: I hope I am saying hello to some new readers, and I hope to hear from you all. Sorry this update has taken so long, kinda got brain block on this story. But I think I should be able to get it rolling again. Reviews would probably inspire me, so would any number of the Mutant Enemy actor men in my bed. One can come true, the other is pure fantasy, please tell me it's not the reviews! The end of this chapter is a bit on the graphic side, Angelus + torture = really gory stuff, you don't necessarily need it for an understanding of he story, but I felt it needed to be there. You have been warned, it is not for the faint of heart, or anyone under 17. I am not responsible if you read it.

If the night turned cold and the stars looked down. And you hug yourself on the cold, cold ground
You wake the morning in a stranger's coat.
No one would you see. You ask yourself, who'd watch for me. My only friend, who could it be
It's hard to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me

When you belly's empty and the hunger's so real. And you're too proud to beg and too dumb to steal
You search the city for your only friend.
No one would you see. You ask yourself, who could it be. A solitary voice to speak out and set you free
I hate to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me

You're not the easiest person I ever got to know. And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show
Some would say I should let you go your way.
You'll only make me cry. If there's one guy, just one guy. Who'd lay down his life for you and die
It's hard to say it, It's hard to say it, but it's probably me

When the world's gone crazy and it makes no sense. There's only one voice that comes to your defence
The jury's out and your eyes search the room. And one friendly face is all you need to see
If there's one guy, just one guy. Who'd lay down his life for you and die
It's hard to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me
-'It's Probably Me' written by Gordon Sumnter (aka Sting) from 'Ten Summoners Tales'

Faith walked into the room, following alternating squares of yellow and white lineoleum. It looked old. The walls too were covered in yellow and white tiles, someone at some point must have told the Department of Corrections that yellow was soothing or cheerful or some bullshit. All it did was make her want to puke. She was meeting her lawyer, probably the newest flunkie to arrive at the public defenders office. For all their talk, those assholes at Wolfram and Hart did nothing to get her out of there. She didn't even look up as she sat down in the turquoise plastic molded chair. She just picked up the phone, and pretended to be concentrating deeply on something on her pants.

"What do you want, it's crafts day and I'm real into potholders right now, so could we get this over with."

"Faith." She recognized the voice immediately, and for a second her face lit up with the joy she rarely showed anyone.

"Angel? What's up? Haven't seen you in a while, figured you have better things to do than visit your favorite felon."

"What happened to your face?" He was referring to the large cut across her cheekbone. It was deep enough that she had to have it stitched up at the nurses station.

"Overzealous butch bitch. Got a knife in here and tried a round of 'cut Faith,' I got the knife away from her and held her down 'til the guard came to take her away. But that didn't happen before she got one good swipe in, was bleedin' like crazy. I'm hopin' for a cool scar."

"Faith, you safety is in jeopardy. We have to get you out of here."

"Yeah, I got that note from Giles. That chick, the one who attatcked me, that knife was pretty damn fancy for an average prisoner. So I'm thinkin' this might be related."

"You look good, besides the gaping facial wound."

"Ditto, but I know you aren't here to say hi, nice wound, see you 'round. What's up Angel? Wait, lemme guess, Armageddon is on its way, horsemen and the whole 9 yards."

"Sort of."

"Well, good luck with that, it memory serves, I'll be here for the next 20 years, if there is a next 20 years."

"We can't protect you in here."

"I can take care of myself, big brother."

"You are just waiting to get killed if you stay here. They'll infiltrate, and trust me the chick with the knife is just the beginning."

"What are you saying Angel?"

"I'm saying I think the remainder of your redemption would be better served on the outside. We need you."

"We?"

"Me, Giles, Wesley, Buffy..."

"B needs me? Like hell she does. Probably off with her little commando right now fighting the good fight or whatever."

"Buffy's changed a lot since you last saw her."

"What, she loosen the stake in her ass?"

"Well for starters, she died."

"Again? Damn, someone's gotta tell that girl dyin' ain't gonna change much."

"Faith, I don't have much more time. We can protect you not just from what's after you, but from them." Angel motioned back to the guards.

"See that window over there? Enough shade for you? You know so there's no ashes?"

"Yeah, suns low enough."

"Back away from the glass, keep your eye on the guard behind you, she'll pull her gun immediately."

"Okay." Angel stepped back, and turned as if he were leaving, headed towards the guard. He heard the glass shatter, and saw the guard reach for her gun. He knocked it from her hand just as Faith grabbed him and dove for the window to the parking lot. They landed on a car, setting off the alarm.

"You okay prince of darkness?"

"Five by Five." Angel's convertible pulled in front of them slamming on the brakes. Thw window was open.

"Get it! Quick they're locking it down!" Wesley was behind the wheel. Faith jumped in and laid on the back seat, Angel took the passenger seat, rolling up the window. They crashed through the gate just as it was closing.

"Wow, that was fun. Haven't had fun like that since, well since I was on the outside. Wesley Wyndham Pryce, I can hardly believe it, look at you all scruffed out, lookin' kinda manish."

"Hello Faith."

"Just ignore the innuendo, I haven't seen a man in years, so I may come off a bit on the foul for a while. So where we headed?"

"Sunnydale" Angel and Wesley answered together.

"Oh this is gonna be fun." Faith leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes, it felt good to be free.

Sunnydale

Angel and Wesley had taken Gunn, Fred, Lorne and the Potentials back to the hotel in LA before they retrieved Faith. They had taken Joyce's old vehicle, and had Xander drive it back to Sunnydale. When he returned the Summers house was still bustling.

"Sweet Jesus it's good to be without them." Giles announced, while very slightly wavering. He was drinking scotch with Spike, and this rarely ended well. "You know those 3 would scream and scream and scream and I thought my bloody eardrums were going to burst. Took all my will not to knock them all out."

"Cheers to that! Spent a day with 'em and I was ready to accept a life of migraines and do the same." They raised their glasses clinking them together before drinking down the glasses.

"Wow, it's like British pub but without the singing and hitting each other over the head!" Xander walked in.

"Well, now that you're here I expect the hitting can begin!" Spike laughed.

"We could sing though!" Giles laughed.

"Great a drunk Watcher and a nearly drunk Spike, wow I forgot how fun it was to have the two of you around." Xander walked thorugh the doors to the kitchen.

"Hey Xand." Buffy was at the sink.

"What the? How long have the two of them been at it?"

"A couple of hours, and 2 bottles of something brown. They started drinking after Angel left, something about them celebrating his leaving or something. One thing the two of them can agree on is that Angel is not their favorite vampire. Think Giles' still sore about the whole torturing thing."

"I can see how that'd be hard to get past." Xander could hear them start to sing. "Sorry, that'd be my fault."

"Oh, it's cool they were singing before, some Oxford fight song of something, I kinda blocked it out of my memory."

"How's the neck?" Xander noticed the bandage was gone.

"Super slayer healing cleaned that right up. I'm fine again, Really. Sorry I was out of it. It's my own fault."

"It's cool. I can't believe I am saying its cool that you let Spike have hot lunch but I am trying to be a bigger man." Xander followed her back into the dining room where the singing was in full force.

"First he had an English girl, but she was daft and lazy! Way all the way, with all the way Joe!" Giles sang.

"Then he had an Irish girl who nearly drove him crazy! Way all the way with all the way Joe!" Spike countered, then they started singing together.

"King Louis was the king of France before the revolution! But when he lost his head, it ruined his constitution! Way all the way with all the way Joe!" Both started laughing.

"Can't believe they still sing that over there! Think they started that one in old Angelus' times!"

"Bloody hell, this is some good scotch." Giles said picking up the bottle.

"Yup, it's so good, that there will be no more for anyone with an English accent!" Buffy picked up the bottle, to be met with two groans.

"Come on Slayer, don't be a party poop, give me back the bottle and no one gets hurt."

"Can you even see straight? I thought it took more than this to get you trashed Spike."

"Had a full bottle and a half, Rupes is the light weight!"

"Light weight my arse! In my day I could have drunk you under the table and then had time to raise a demon or two, perhaps bang a bird or two, and play guitar in a band!" Giles swayed in his seat, trying to shake his finger at Spike.

"Or two?" Xander added.

"Wha? Hmm, sleepy." Giles started to nod off.

"Xander can you help him upstairs? I swear drunker than a skunk and its not even dark out yet. Remind me to never let him go home to England again." Xander helped Giles stand and headed towards the stairs.

"Good night all, you've been lovely, really!" Giles said with a laugh as they ascended the stairs.

"What am I going to do with you? Getting Giles drunk? Come on."

"What pet? He's got a lot on his mind with the homicidal slayer on her way back with Peaches, and this whole first evil business, plsu no more watchers council, the man's had a tough week, figured he needed a bit of the release!"

"Yeah and what's your excuse?"

"'m the Big Bad love, don't need an excuse."

"Go! Off to bed with you, you better sleep this off before Faith and Angel get back here."

"Could use some help with that." Spike said grabbing her around the waist and roughly pulling her to him. "Want to help the big bad get tired enough to sleep? Got to admit pet, the scotch isn't making me so tired as much as hungry." He ran his hands up her sides, under her shirt. "Come on Slayer, know you wanna play."

"Spike." Was all she said as one of his hands went between her legs, rubbing against her jeans making her weak in the knees. "No, you need to sleep, and I need to do things. Things that aren't naked or you."

"Come on baby, just a quickie."

"And with that I say, Oh god! My eyes! The pain, the horror! Please dear lord make me blind!" Xander announced loudly from behind Spike.

"You only wish you could watch and catch a few tips Harris, I could teach you a thing or three."

"And again, I am wishing to be blind. Will eating rat poison make me blind?"

"Don't know, might kill you, lets weigh the odds and feed you some to see what happens. Experimental, you know."

"Boys! Spike, go to bed, you're drunk and beligerent, and I am wondering if your soul vanishes when you're drunk. Xander, go in the kitchen, I'll be down in a minute." Buffy grabbed Spike's hand roughly and lead him towards the stairs.

"Oh, I see how you want it love, wanna be in charge, woman on top and all that rot! But love, the handcuffs are at the crypt!" He said it all just loud enough that Xander could hear him.

Buffy poked him hard in the ribs, "Ow! Why'd you do that?"

"Because you are being very obnoxious, and personally, I prefer you at the peak of your performance, in other words, sober. So go, get in my bed, go to sleep and when you wake up I promsie a big surprise."

"Surprise? 'm not a fan of surprises love, why don't you just give it to me now?"

"Give it to you? You wish. I love you, but damn sometimes you are a pain in the ass."

"Part of my charm."

"Well charm yourself into bed, and I'll check on you in a bit." Buffy stopped outside her bedroom door, leaning in and kissing him hard on the lips.

"Mmm, no love, don't go."

"If you want more, you'll get in that bed right now and sleep if off, I don't need you drunk when Faith gets here, or Angel for that matter. Although it might be fun to watch you to go at it."

"Fine, sleep it is. You are the queen of cruel." He grabbed her face and kissed her once more. "Say it again."

"What? About you and Angel and the wrestling, maybe in some oil or jello or..." She peeked in the door to make sure it was dark enough that her lover wouldn't burn to a crisp. All was clear.

"Stop it Anya." He smirked, "No those three little words you never said before I got a soul."

"I love you. Now go to sleep before I stake you into a permanent one!" She smiled and walked back down the stairs.

"Better be a damn good surprise!" He called after her before going into the room. Truth be told, he was tired, he justs didn't know if the dreams would come back if she wasn't with him. Hewas asleep before his head hit the pillow. He was surrounded by her scent, and that alone was enough to raise a purr from his chest as he settled in.

Spike was taken to the past, the far past, to his near beginnings. he was watching things which had happened so long ago he could barely believed they still were within him.

"William my boy! Raised so proper, bet you never got to have your way a warm bodied whore!" Angelus grabbed his arm. It had only been a few days since he had been turned. He was well aware he was at the bottom of the feeding chart. Angelus was clearly the Alpha male, but moreso Darla truely ran the show. It was fine, he was raised to respect his elders, but for reason all he really wanted to do was rip their throats out, and feed from their power, then blow their dust in the wind. He'd already been told about getting dusted, and that it was a right bad plan to have a meeting with a stick to the chest. Something primal had stirred in him when Angelus took him out for his first whore run. The girls weren't fans of it, so they had stayed at home with a paper boy or something.

But here they sat, two male vampires, riding through London in a fine carriage, headed to the bordellos. Bordellos was actually too rich a word, see Angelus preferred his whores cheap. The high class escorts were too clean for him. He liked his girls half drunk on gin and tasting of laudanum or opium. Said it gave the blood a certain something you couldn't get out of just any whore, William figured it was the syphillus. Plus they were apt to so just about anything you asked them to prior to you ripping their throats out. There was little you could steal off of the bodies, but they also weren't exactly cared for women, so no alarm was raised when they were found dead. This was how Angelus liked it.

William sat silently across from Angelus. He had yet to grow into his own skin as a vampire.

"Actually I bet you never had your way with any woman!" Spike had done his best to block this night from his memory. No matter how awful or wicked a monster he had become he knew he would never be Angelus, he didn't want to be after this night.

The carriage stopped outside a rowdy tavern. Women hung outside the doors, some barely able to stand up. The air stank, which would have been bad enough had he been human. Angelus dropped out of the carriage with the confidence of a bull fighter. Had he always had such bravado? William had longed to be a kind of man that could sweep a woman clean off her feet, literally, and whom men wanted to be. He had read of such heroic figures in his books while studying, but now to see such a man in person, well it would have taken his breath away had he had one to lose.

"Come on boy!" Angelus coaxed him out of the carriage. As soon as his feet touched the ground the horses took off. "Come on!" He growled as he grabbed William's arm. "Now my boy, pick out which one, or hell, pick 2 you want. I'll have Stan send them up to my usual room. Nice and discreet Stan is. Gets a bit of the cut and cleans up real nice for us. Stan ever decides to not do as told he'll end up just like his brotherHenry who used to run this bar. I impaled him on the bannister, eviscerated him, and wrapped his intestines around his neck like a lovely collar. See this is how we get the humans to do our bidding. We tell them to, and if they don't well Henry is only the beginning of the wonderful things we can do. I hope you are a good student, it's been too long since I've had a man to help me out. Now where were we? Oh yes, the whores! Listen to me, going on and on not letting you pick."

William opened his mouth, but couldn't croak anything out. "It's all right, I know there's such a selection. See that red head over there, the one in green. She'll be full of opium, the blonde in red over there, she's a right gin head, might have a bit of the laudanum in her as well. But me, see I have a thing for blondes, love that light hair, fair eyes too. Something about it just does it for me. What about you, what's your type?"

Images of Cecily flooded his mind. "Black, Black hair, fair skin, b-but light eyes."

"You do have fine taste. I like you more and more everyday." Angelus turned around, nearly every man in the pub had turned to look at the two of them when they entered. Both so lavishly dressed, far from the working class men who frequented the place. But none of the had the nerve to start a fight, it was almost as if they knew what would happen to them. "Stan! Stan, my friend! What do you have for me today?"

"Angelus, Sir, it is nice to see you, and your friend. Here, I have two bottles of fine champagne, had my boy steal them right off the crate by the docks. Fancy stuff, from France and all."

"Lovely. Send up the Blonde in red, and another blonde, find two of the finest black haired women in here, if that's possible. Honestly Stan you better start attracting better looking whores, or I will have to find somewhere else to do my partying. We'd prefer them all light eyed if possible. And see if you have any which have bathed in the last month, I do hate to stink up my clothes with dirty whore."

"Yes sir, of course." The man nearly bowed to Angelus, Angelus threw a bag of coins at the man. "Thank you sir, you are right generous."

"Yeah, yeah, you've got about 15 minutes before my patience runs out, and so does your life." Angelus grabbed the bottles. "Come on William, I'll make a man out of you yet." William followed him up the stairs to a room. The room was lavishly furnished, looking wholly out of place in a pub such as this.

"It's very nice." William said.

"It speaks! Well it should be nice, I paid for it. I like my whores a bit dirty, but there's nothing like luxury while doing one. It's the ying and yang. "

The whores showed up, and Angelus put them through their paces, demanding them to do things to each other William had only thought went on between married people. He wasn't disgusted as he felt he should be, instead he was fascinated and aroused. "You feel it don't you William? The demon inside wants a piece, or is it the man in you?" He had no answer, he was just driven to rampage one of these women until he could no longer walk.

"First things first boy, I get mine, then you get yours. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Yes, who?" Angelus tone became demanding.

"Yes, Angelus."

"No, wrong, that would be sir. In this room it's always sir." Angelus hit William so hard he thought his teeth would fly out of his mouth.

"Yes, sir." He responded shakily.

"That's better. Now which one of my lovelies wants to play with me first?" He looked over the girls like a Shah with his harem. He sniffed the blonde he had first seen. "Lavender water? Is my little whore trying to smell clean for daddy? Sorry love, but there is no way to clean the filth off of you." He said as he slapped her ass. William looked away, he was embarassed.

"Never in all my unlife have I seen such a meek vampire. By god you must have been a useless human being!" Angelus scoffed at him. "I don't think you deserve any of these girls, let alone my precious Drusilla. At least not until you've been properly broken in."

If it were possible to go invisible from shame, it may have happened to William right there. Even as he watched Spike felt pity creep into him, pity for himself, the man he was.

Things began to speed up in the dream. These were things he remembered, but Spike had always secretly prayed they would go from him memory. Angelus tortured him that night. In so many ways that were unthinkable to such an innocent boy, boy, that was truely all he was before that night. Angelus had his way with the boy's body, rituals that William had been taught brought about the fall of Greece, things that the king's bible did not approve of, things that made him fill with shame. Then Angelus played god for a while, telling them all what to do, and how he wanted it. Directing his own sexual play. In the end Angelus got bored, he used each girl and pushed them aside, his sexual hunger never wavering. When he was done, the worst of it began. The only word that could be used was slaughter. William was terrified. Even full of this demonic strength he felt powerless, and unsure of what his abilities were anyways. Angelus fed from each girl, encouraging William to do the same, which he did. He had learned earlier that one does not defy this man, at least not in this room, where he went by sir, and ruled over all.

The first girl he tied up, the champagne long gone, he broke the bottle and began cutting her. First they were small cuts, which made her wimper, but soon they were deep the blood running down her legs and pooling at the floor.

"This my boy is how you conduct an evisceration. Now see, you don't wnat to cut them open too quickly, the small cuts, make them numb, keeps the blood pumping, kicks in that energy that makes them smell of fear. You do smell the fear don't you?"

"Yes Sir."

"Right, Now you don't want to cut too high, specially not on a woman, I like to start by cutting from her navel down, properly split her in two, the way god intended. Then you cut across, makes a nice cross shape, but not the kind that'll burn. Now you reach in like so, and see? See how easy that was?" Angelus asked as he pulled out a fist full of entrails, a joyful smile passed over his lips as he looked up to see the girl was still partially conscious. "Look sweetheart, at least your insides were clean, bloody, "He licked his hand, "but cleaner than you'll ever be." The girl closed her eyes and William heard her heartbeat die. The three other girls lived in fear of what their fates would be. They learned hours ago not to scream, or he would only drag it our more, and that was just the beatings.

William had frantically tried to leave, but Angelus stopped him. "Boy, you aren't going to run and miss out on the fun? Honestly we haven't even got to the candles. You should see what I can do with a candle, amazing really. I am teaching you, it's a wicked world out there, and I doubt you're going to last 5 minutes without my teachings, so sit down, and watch." He threw the carcass aside and grabbed another girl. "Aww princess is crying, that salt'll feel right good in your wounds, I'm just wondering how I should do you in."

"Please sir, don't" She pleaded with him falling to her knees, "I'll do anything you like!"

"See, now this is what makes it all worth while, the begging. I love it when they beg, almost as much as when they run. Someday William, you'll have a woman begging on her knees in front of you, and thanks to me you'll know what to do with her. Now you just stay right there for a minute, and I'll be back to take care of you." Angelus wandered over to a hutch on the side of the room. He gestured for William to join him. When he opened it he showed a myriad of implements. Some were common, ice picks, riding crops, scissors, but others were things he had never seen.

"Killed a surgeon for his bag of items. Some of these are antiques, been with me since turn of the last century. Now be a good boy and put that in the fireplace, want it nice and hot." He handed William a modified coal poker, the tip being sharpened to a point. "Pretty, pretty face. A shame to waste it on a whore." Angelus walked over to the girl and with a scalpel began slicing off thin lines of flesh from her face and then her body. "Oh yeah, please cry, it'll make it hurt worse. God do I love it when they cry!" Angelus began laughing, he then opened the girls mouth, "If you suck it good, real good like a good girl should, then maybe, just maybe I'll let you go. You'll be one ugly woman, but happily alive." The girl obeyed, tears running down her face, mixing with the blood. There was no way she would survive the night like this, but she was stupid, too stupid to know that. William wondered however a man or animal could exists like the one before him. "Now I'm all for a long drawn out death, but I've still got two to go, so it's your lucky day." Angelus reached down, the girl looked hopeful, but then he snapped the girls neck. "Oh, if you didn't know, that's how you snap a neck. Got it? Sadly I won't be redemonstrating that one any time soon." He eyed up the two remaining girls, he was naked, covered in the blood of their former cohorts, and perversly loving every second of it.

"Both of you, up, come here." The girls held each other as they walked to him. "Isn't this just precious? Wow, I could just eat the two of you up, literally. William, come here, time for some active participation. Now see the blonde, I know you aren't fond of blondes, but go with me on this one. You're going to bugger her while I kill her. I want you to feel the true ecstasy of a good fuck n' kill. But not just any fuck. She's not like us, so it's gonna hurt her so badly she won't even know if she can think while you're ramming it in her. She'll be begging you to stop, and that's when you give it to her harder, make her bleed, split her in two, whatever feels good. But wait, you should know what that's like my boy, as now I guess you get to deal out a bit of what I dealt to you." He grabbed the girl bending her over in front of him, "Come on William, give it to 'er good."

William did as he was told, and he didn't hate it. In fact somewhere in him it awoke something, a sense of power, or strength, something which had laid dormant for too long in his human body, but something now the demon needed. "Just like a fish to water. You really should see your self, it makes me proud. " Angelus told him, "Pull her off the bed, grab your ankles bitch." The girl did as she was told, William was getting lost in the action of all of this, it wasn't until he felt her tense and smelled burning flesh did he look down. Angelus was lazily drawing circles on her back, branding her flesh. "Are you close William? Are you almost there?" He couldn't speak he just nodded, "Good, cos here's the grand finale." Angelus thrust the poker straight through her back into her chest, she didn't even scream, but William roared.

William was dizzy as he pulled out of the girl, throwing her to the floor. "That's my boy! Did you feel that? How it felt when she died? Remember, I taught you that. Now you get to return the favor." Angelus grabbed the final girl, repeating Williams previous actions, "Now come here boy. Wrap your hands around her throat, squeeze, not too hard, or you'll pop her head off and well, that will be useless. Just squeeze, watch her struggle, see the begging in her eyes. Watch her." And he did as he was told, she twitched when she died and it startled him. William was aghast with himself, had he just done these things? Had he enjoyed it? And he knew, deep down he did.

Both of them dressed, and headed down the stairs. Angelus cast a knowing glance at Stan who in turn nodded, silently understanding the mess he had waiting for him. When they stepped outside, the carriage was waiting for them. They got in. "So boy, how does it feel to know what it is to be a man such as ourselves."

"Good. It feels good."

"Shame that didn't take nearly as long as I had planned, and now I'm still hungry."

"I know a place we can go." It was Friday, and if he hadn't been mistaken, all would be gathered at Cecily Addam's home, as they had for the last 2 years.

"Really? And what kind of place is it?"

"Nice, lots of bodies. Lots of bodies who deserve what's coming to them."

"Debutantes? Are there debutantes?"

"Yes."

"Yum. Fine William, lets do this. I knew you'd be a quick study, and I do so love to watch my progeny at work."

That was the night they had killed most of his former friends. Not Cecily, she didn't get it that night. Instead the mockery group got the railroad spikes they so often wanted instead of his poems. He could see Angelus standing back, watching William curse, bringing down into their skulls spikes with the ferocity of the devil himself.

Spike watched, knowing why he was seeing all of it, then Angelus turned to him. "Look at how much you loved it. You loved it, and I taught you. Taught you everything. I gave you the balls you were born with boy."

"Fuck you Angelus."

"No William, watch yourself, you don't even know how proud I was of you, railroad spikes, that was truely inspired. Of course all of this was before the street urchin in you decided he wanted to run the show. You with the poor English, horrid clothes, what was it, fists and fangs? You could have been a god, you could have been like me." Angelus looked back at William still pounding stakes into bodies. "You were so zealous. Had such a gift. Now look at you. Pathetic, driveling little boy again. You did this to yourself."

"No, you made me what I was, I made me what I am today."

"Like that's something to be proud of boy! Poncy, poncy William, momma's boy til the end aren't you?"

"Shut up you poof!"

"Who's the poofter? Who got buggered? Not me, but I do recal someone crying with delight as I broke him in, night after night, teaching you to be a proper childe. Something that you never figured out, but maybe that's cos you liked the punishment, was that it? Did you like it boy?"

"Yeah then you got cursed, and I took Dru away, as far away from you and everything you stood for you sick pathetic pervert!"

"Pervert? Is that the best you can do, really boy."

"Don't call me boy!" Spike roared at him and started to lunge at him, game face in full effect.

"Spike! Spike, baby are you okay?" It was Buffy's voice that brought him back. "You were yelling and freaking out. Was it one of those dreams?"

It took him a minute to get reoriented to where he was. "What?"

"I don't know you were calling someone a poof and a pervert and something about boys."

"Don't know love, must have just been a bad dream. Nightmares, free gift with purchase of one new shiny soul." She looked at him quizically.

"Spike, you can tell me."

"Love, there are some things that you never need to know about. Things that happened so far in the past that they don't matter now. Angelus and I have a history, a bad, bad history full of messy horrible things you can't understand and nor do I ever want you to. Let's just say once I saw who he was I did my best to keep up, and to not be like him. Yeah, I got off on the violence, the killing, the destruction, all demons do. But I never was half the sadist he was. He was sick, even for a vampire. The Angelus who had your watcher was not in top form, if he had been, Watcher would have been sent back to you day after day, small pieces in little baggies, taking just the pieces that Angelus would know he could spare to lose, dragging it out so that he could live upwards of a week, and then, maybe if he were lucky Angelus would have killed him. I learned first hand what he was capable of. Even without a soul I knew what he did was wrong."

"I could say I understand, but I don't. I do know you aren't him, never have been, and I hope you never will be, cos I like you the way you are. I love you Spike, William the Bloody, and whoever regular William was, I love all of it." She reached up and touched his face, which was still in game mode. "I even love your lumpies." She said very matter of fact, kissing his brow as he transformed back into his human guise.

"Don't know how I ended up deserving this."

"Maybe you don't deserve this, it's probably me who deserved this, you just got to come along for the ride."

"Now pet, that's a right awful thing to say!"

"I'm kidding, now shut up and kiss me!" As always he obliged, some things just didn't change.