Authors Note: I would like to address some concerns brought up by St.Cobb in their review (and consequently I doubt you are even reading this as you claim you will no longer be reading this story). The demon is always controling, BUT that doesn't mean that there is no sense, even among the undead soulless legions, that somethings are beyond feeding and border on sadistic. It is not neccessary for the demon to torture and maim it's prey before feeding. As most vampires in BtVS cannon seem to go out, find a victim, feed and go on their merry way. Angelus is different, he gets off on the torture, he doesn't just kill to survive, he kills because he gets off on it. He didn't kill Jenny Calendar to feed, he killed her cos it would hurt Giles and thus Buffy. My point in the dream sequence, where I assume your issue came to be, is that this is the vampire William became before he turned into Spike. As we learned this season on Angel, in the episode 'Destiny' he wasn't always Spike, Spike was made. At first the vampire William was just a vampire, but Angelus pushed him hard to become something more vicious, something more like himself, indeed a monster made in his own form. Which means cruelty and violence goes beyond dinner, it becomes something to get off on, something to master, an art form, something perverse. Also if you note in the sequence William's feelings are put in a past tense, such as 'William wasn't disgusted, as he felt he should be (that'd be his human memory telling him what he had been taught was right and wrong), instead he was fascinated and aroused.(the demon overriding)' In other words the demon was overriding everything his human had been taught or told. The shame that vampWilliam experiences is not so much from human morals or mores, BUT is instead because he feels inferior, these are things he has not seen or done before, his shame is rooted in him feeling like less of a man/vamp than Angelus, who at this point is still somewhat a hero figure to him. I even state that this is a young vampire, William being nothing more than a fledgling, still not knowing his demonic strength. Vampires are as animals, they are metaphors for all the animalistic impulses of a human being, when animals kill it is not considered wrong, as it is their survival. The thing that even Buffy draws as a line of good vs. evil, is the taking of human life. What Willow did to Warren was evil, What Spike assumably did to Holden Webster (with a soul) was evil, they killed people. But even without a soul, when Spike could not kill humans, he was considered harmless and thus no longer evil. He was still a demon, but he wasn't dangerous. Hell, Buffy doesn't kill Clem because, while he may be a threat to cat populations every where, he is of no real danger to humans. The line of evil is drawn at killing humans, and in that sense vampires who take life are evil. vampWilliam is evil, he takes human life. But Angelus is a sick fuck because he doesn't just kill, no he draws it out, he takes pleasure in suffering, which is a bit more than killing and feeding. What I was trying to show was a new vampire, not understanding what he is capable of, or what is acceptible, being taken under the wing of someone who is more depraved and deranged than your average vampire, thus creating an environment where the things Spike does (pre soul) are seen as normal, if only because he was brought up in an environment that was exceptionally demented (hmm metaphor anyone??). If anything Spike thinks the things he does aren't that bad, because when looked at through Angelus tinted glasses he looks like a pussy. This was showing that monsters, real monsters aren't born, they are made whether vampire or man. Angelus afforded Spike the ability to unleash the very worst in him. Also the view that vampires are incapable of emotion as the demon doesn't allow it, is crap. Even Drusilla has claimed 'Oh we can love quite well.' Spike loved Drusilla, Spike loved Buffy, Spike felt jealousy, sadness, and many other emotions all while a souless vampire. So to say that he should be some mindless automotron just killing left and right because he is an evil creature of the night and that is what he does, is a bit less than accurate. I mean would Spike have ever made a truce with Buffy in Season 2 if that were truely the case? Even if his emotions are notoriously selfish in their drives, they are there, and to discount them would be to demean the character. Thus the demon is there, scratching away at his insides, hungering and longing, and thus he does kill, but given the environment he was raised in, he also learns that he can feed the demon in a different way. Later when he gets chipped he continues to feed the demon, but moreso he feeds it with violence, which satiates what is inside of him, what Angelus showed him was there.
Enough on that. StCobb if you are still reading I hope this offers you some clarity on what I was doing. I was trying to show the development of Spike, and how one single event can make someone a monster. As for the rest of ya'll I hope the above can show you some of the metaphors and drivers I am using to direct this story. The First Evil, much like vampires, is a metaphor of all the darkness we are capable of, as there is no animal so cruel and perverse as the human being. But we learn what is wrong when we create something that is the darkest in all of us, showing us that while succumbing to that may feel good, ultimately you will pay the price and be shut down as goodness is stronger than any evil the universe has to offer. As per usual reviews are appreciated, and if you have a problem with my story, please give me a chance to explain myself before you go running away. ;) BTW: Much love to all my new readers and all the readers who have been with me for a while! I AM SO SORRY THIS UPDATE HAS TAKEN SO LONG, LIFE HAS CAUGHT UP WITH ME, I PROMISE NOT TO BE SO SLOW IN THE FUTURE!!! I am also sorry this chapter is so short, I figured you'd prefer short, rather than nothing.
England
Giles had left days before. He had called her to tell her about the Watcher's Council blowing up. The police still had no leads. She had gathered all of his remaining books and such and shipped them to Revello Drive. Willow was getting antsy. She was sick of being in England, alone, isolated from everyone.
The coven had taught her that everything in the universe was connected. And that when using magick she had to remember to maintain the balance. This was something she remembered from Tara, that if you lit a fire, somewhere you had to let the rain fall. But right now, all she could feel was evil. Something was coming, something bad, the earth was rumbling, and not in a good way. The balance was off, thrown off kilter, some event had changed the situation, giving the darkness a foothold. Moreso now than ever Willow could feel it tug on her. And sometimes it was hard to fight it.
She had begun packing her things. She wasn't going to wait until she was needed in Sunnydale, she was going to turn up before things got that bad. She only hoped that they wouldn't look at her with accusing eyes, eyes that called her a murderer. What she had done was wrong. Looking back on it she realized the evil had started long before she flayed Warren, it began with the Blood of the Mother, and bringing Buffy back. Magick that black was better locked away in ancient tomes, not played with by someone barely out of her teens. But she knew these things now. Willow knew better. She only hoped her friends knew better too.
The other members of the coven were against her leaving so soon. But they didn't understand what it was like to live on a Hellmouth either. It was time for Willow to go.
Sunnydale
"You know, if they had beer in prison I bet the prisoners wouldn't mind it so much." Faith announced leaning back on the couch, paper plate of pizza crusts in one hand, her 4th bottle of Miller Lite in the other.
"Agreed, Probably would make their blood taste a bit better too. I mean I remember those Alcatraz inmates like it was yesterday, not a taste you soon forget! Beer would have definately complemented an otherwise bland palatte."
"Spike could we never speak of your eating habits again?" Xander rolled his eyes at the vampire.
"You were at Alcatraz? Shit, I thought that was you." Angel said out of nowhere.
"Yeah, you know how Dru loved a good caged meal, said it made the meat tender like those baby cows trapped in boxes or some rot.. And while all those humans couldn't figure out a way to get off that bloody island, the lot of us could always find a way in. Why'd the big bad soul man spend time up there? Were you someone's man-bitch?"
"You've seen too many episodes of Oz, Spike. For a while it served as a buffet of sorts. Eating the evil incarcerated didn't make my concious kick my ass repeatedly, until I ate an innocent man and then it was no more prison meals."
"Then the brood-patrol took over again?" Spike asked in a condecending tone.
"Again, can we never speak of eating people while I am here?" Xander interjected.
"Not unless we're talkin' about eatin' you mate."
"Don't you have a soul?"
"Doesn't mean I can't dream, carpenter."
"Boys! Lets calm down." Faith said.
"Wow those are four words I never expected to hear out of that mouth."
"And Xander apparently you haven't had your ass kicked recently, cos you are all about the smart talk."
"No, no one kicks his ass since the bird flew the coop."
"Who Cordelia? Jesus Xander you haven't had sex since high school?" Faith eyed him up.
"For your information Cordelia should change her last name to Chaste, and yes there has been much sex since."
"We could call Anya over to tell you all about her 'Viking'" Spike made air quotes when he said Viking.
"Or we could go back to talking about eating people." Xander mused to change the topic of conversation.
Buffy entered the room holding the portable phone. "Angel, it's for you, it's Cordelia and she's freaking about something."
Angel got up to take the phone. Buffy walked over to the couch and sat on Spike's lap.
"I will never get used to seeing that." Faith said.
"Join the club." Xander lamented.
"What Cordelia? Did you have a vision?" All they could hear was one half of the conversation. "Calm down Cordy, it'll be fine. Connor's well behaved just like his father." Spike snorted at that. "No, I know he's never been around teenaged girls in a human dimension." Angel rolled his eyes at the phone. "The birds and the bees? What? No of course not, he's just a child!"
Faith looked at Buffy, "What's this all about?"
"Fatherhood." Faith quizzicaly looked back at Buffy.
"I will not have such a conversation over the phone, I mean shouldn't there be diagrams or something, maybe a book? Why can't you do it? Or Lorne? I know Lorne's not human, but maybe it'd be easier coming from a demon. Gunn could do it! Cordy no, don't make me do this. Cordel... Hi, Connor. No, everything is fine. Yes, Sunnydale is still on a hellmouth. Yes, there is lots of action here. Wait, what kind of action are you talking about?" Buffy stifled a giggle.
"He really is clueless isn't he?" Spike asked her.
"Connor, did Holtz ever talk to you about women? Well no, I wasn't aware that there wasn't a lot of women in Qur'Toth. Well sometimes when a man and woman like each other a lot they do stuff."
"Bloody hell, the poor boy won't know what to do! Hey Mr. No True Happiness Clause, gimme the bleedin' phone." Angel scowled at Spike. "Come on, the boy might as well be my nephew, and seeing as I've had sex without turing into evil incarnate in the last 100 years, perhaps I can tell him a thing or two." Angel shooed Spike away.
"Connor, put Cordelia back on the phone. Cordelia? I can't do this over the phone, why don't the two of you come up here for a few days? Maybe you'll get a useful vision or something and I can talk man-to-man with my son."
"Man-to-Man? Who's he kidding?" Spike laughed as Angel hung up the phone.
"For your information, the boy wouldn't be here unless I had had sex with someone in the last decade so shut the hell up Spike!"
"Well evil, soulless, Darla may be your cup of tea, but then, when wasn't she?" Spike's tone had gotten considerably louder. "I mean all those years you were traipsing around with her, I mean how come she hadn't been impregnated with your evil seed before? It's a might bit suspisious."
"Spike if you don't shut up..."
"Okay this is out of hand. Both of you, to your corners!" Buffy stood up. "Why can't you two ever just have a civilized conversation like two normal people?"
"Well first off, they aren't human Buff." Xander offered, and recieved dueling cold stares from Spike and Angel. "And secondly, I think i need to go to my apartment and pick up some things, many many heavy things that will take me a while to get." Xander got up off the couch.
"You want some help?" Faith offered.
"Who are you and what have you done with the woman who thought asphyxia was a fun second date activity?"
"Date? Hardly." Faith scoffed. "This house gives me the creeps, considering last time I was here didn't exactly go well. Plus I think it might be safer for you if you had a slayer protecting you and all that."
"Um, Okay." Xander shifted uncomfortable from foot to foot.
"Can I smoke in your car?"
"I guess."
"Spike? Bum me a pack until I can get some?"
"Take, 'em consider it a welcome back to Sunnyhell present."
"Right on." Faith followed Xander out to the purple car. The rest of them sat in the living room listening through the open window at Faith's constant prodding about the manliness of his car.
"Those two seem to be getting on well." Spike announced.
"What's with the snipes between them?" Buffy asked.
"Xander didn't tell you about them did he?" Angel asked
"Them? As in Faith and Xander, as in I want to hear nothing more of such things?"
"Yeah."
"Enough information. So what are you going to tell Connor?"
"Well, he's going to avoid the conversation as long as possible, that is until Connor lays eyes on Dawn, in which case I will make veiled threats about cutting off his manhood in refrence to her honor as a lady." Spike said.
"Her honor?" Buffy laughed.
"Her virginal status. I'll be tarred and feathered before any spawn of Angel's touches my Dawn."
"Hey, he isn't that bad!" Angel said
"Yeah and he also dumped you in the bottom of the ocean, not the sort of young man I think she should be dating."
"And the vampire was a better option? It's not like Dawn's had a normal life." Buffy said.
"Buffy have you talked to Dawn about, it?" Angel asked
"It, it? No, I think mom did. God, I hope mom did. I'm a vampire slayer not sex educator. Don't they cover that stuff in school? I remember there used to be classes on this in school, classes filled with adolescent shame and self loathing."
"Connor doesn't go to school."
"Dawn rarely makes it there." Buffy and Angel looked at each other in sheer terror.
"Bloody hell, I'll do it! Two of you, resigned to fight the forces of evil, but you can't explain sex to teenagers?" Spike stood up, knocking Buffy off his lap. "The two of you are really a piece of work!" He chuckled as he helped Buffy back up.
"Since when did you become the big, hulking parental unit?"
"Well, I did look after the bit when you were 6 feet under, let's not forget that."
"True."
"So, maybe we should have like a group intervention, all 3 of us giving the 'talk' you know so we can use our collective knowledge to make sure they never ever have sex?" Buffy asked.
"Sounds good." Angel nodded. Spike nodded too.
"Good." The doorbell rang, "That isn't Cordy already is it? Does she have a cell phone or something?"
"She does, but I wasn't talking to her on it."
"Hmm. I'll go see who it is." Buffy got up and went to the door. She opened it, "Hell...o?"