Bad Karma
Carby. Something happens to Abby. How does it affect her life and her relationship with Carter? Read on to find out!
A.N.: I'm not the original author of this story. The original author is carby luva 313. She's decided she doesn't have enough time to write, so she's giving me the honour of finishing it for her. I hope I can do as good a job!
Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own anything, so please don't sue!
Chapter 27: Reliving In Their Shoes
Abby was the first to awaken in the morning. The sky was gray and rain was falling lightly from the clouds. It was mid-september and winter was nearing. Abby wished she could just stay in bed and hibernate untill the spring time. It had been a week since her first day on surgical rotation, and things were getting better. Abby had become accustomed to wearing a mask for long periods of time, and it didn't bother her to breathe anymore.
Going down to the ER had become quite interesting as well, rather than just being a hassle. Luka had a friend over from Croatia. More of a girlfriend, actually. She was planning on moving to Chicago, and she wanted to get everything set before finalizing things at home. Abby had been introduced. Her name was Gordana Horvat. She was a vascular surgeon, unaccustomed to the kinds of traumas common to most inner city hospitals in the United States. Watching her observe a trauma with a disgusted look on her face was quite a nice break from the typical bored and stressed looks most of the staff had plastered across their faces. It was interesting considering she would have to work in situations like that everyday if she got the job at County.
Abby laughed as she stepped out of bed. She walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. She was too lazy to take a shower, so she decided just to pull her hair back into a ponytail and put on some makeup. After brushing her teeth, Abby went to look for something to wear. Carter was still asleep. Abby though it was adorable how his mouth was slightly open and his hair was all over the place. She smiled as she stepped into the closet. Abby looked around for a few minutes before her eyes finally settled on a pair of beige dress pants and a black sweater. It would just have to do untill Abby could change into her scrubs at work. She grabbed the clothes, along with some undergarments, and walked back into the bathroom.
As she was putting on her makeup, Carter woke up. He decided to get dressed right off the bat. After a few quick minutes he was dressed and sitting on the bed, waiting for Abby. Soon after, Abby was done, too. She stepped out of the bathroom and smiled when she saw Carter.
"Good morning sunshine." She smiled as she walked over to him.
Carter smiled back and stood up. As Abby got closer he put his arms around her waist and kissed her softly.
"That it is." He said quietly.
Carter moved back and took hold of Abby's hand. The two of them turned and walked down to the kitchen. After a quick breakfast and coffee, they headed out to the car. It was a cold October day, and Abby cringed at the thought of having to wait untill spring to have a nice outdoor picnic with Carter again, like the one they had the day she had to study. Abby smiled wryly at the recollection. Before she knew it, they were parked outside the hospital. Abby noticed it started raining. The roads were going to freeze over and get slippery, which meant she and the other doctors would be extremely busy. She sighed and got out of the car. Carter walked over and offered Abby his arm. Abby gladly took it and they walked together toward the hospital. Once they got inside, Carter gave her one last kiss and headed for the ER. Abby went in the opposite direction, toward the surgical floor. She savoured her last few moments of freedom before she entered the surgeon's lounge.
Elizabeth, Eddie, and Robert were inside, drinking coffee and chatting animatedly. They greeted Abby cheerily as she entered. That was another thing Abby liked about surgery. There was more free time and the interpersonal relationships were a lot stronger. Maybe it was just like that to her, since she had gotten to know them so well after her trauma. Abby still fought back tears as she remembered the events. She shook the feelings off and got everything she needed out of her locker. After changing she put away her clothes and poured herself a cup of coffee. She curled up in a chair and switched on the television. It was tuned to the news, and the current picture was that of a high speed multi car pileup on the bridge. Judging by the crash, anyone who was left alive would be lucky to have normal brain function. Abby rolled her eyes and waited for her pager to go off. Not even seconds later, it did.
"Here we go." Abby sighed.
She walked out of the lounge and caught up to the other surgeons who were also heading for the ER. Eddie turned to her while they waited for the elevator.
"Once we get down there, you'll assist me with the trauma while Elizabeth and Robert get the other ones. If the patient is a surgical candidate then I'll observe your post-op exam later. Is that okay with you?" Eddie asked.
"Yeah." Abby said confidently.
"Are you nervous?" Elizabeth asked.
"A little. I've never had to be this involved with a trauma." Abby admitted.
"You'll do fine." Robert reassured.
The four of them got into the elevator and headed for the ER. Once they got downstairs, they got swept into the rush. Eddie took hold of Abby's hand and pulled her toward trauma one. The two of them, alongside Carter, Kerry, and a bunch of nurses got gowned up and gloved. They stood waiting patiently as the paramedics rolled the patient in. When the doors of the trauma room flew open, Abby brought her hand to her mouth in shock. She ran over to the gurney.
"Luka!" She cried.
"32 year old male, Luka Kovac, high speed MVA. Superficial head lac, blunt chest and abdominal trauma. Decreased breath sounds on the left. He was conscious on arrival, but LOC was altered on the way here. GCS is 12. Passenger is a 31 year old female, Gordana Horvat. She was restrained and only has a few superficial lacs." Harmes rattled off.
"Oh my God." Carter gasped.
The trauma room froze for a second before everyone sprang into action. Various people were shouting orders. Abby was horrified, but she did her best to help anyway. She almost choked when Kerry shouted her next statement.
"He's crashing! V-fib, get me a crash cart now! Bag him, give him 0.5 of epi, stat!" She shouted.
Abby sprang to life and grabbed the paddles.
"Charge to 200! Clear! Charge to 300! Clear! Again, Clear! Charge to 360! Clear!" She yelled.
"Normal sinus rhythm." Chuni stated.
Dr.Dorset's face screwed up in concern when he looked down at the sonosite. He clicked it off and handed it to Malik.
"Ruptured aorta. He's bleeding into his chest, we need to crack him. Prep him for a thoracotomy. Ten blade." He instructed.
Abby stood by and did her best to assist Edward. After many long, gruelling minutes, they had control. Abby was holding a clamp around the shattered artery. The nurses transfered all the necessary equipment onto the gurney and they left the trauma room. Once they got out, Gordana caught up to them. She had been sutured already, and was waiting to see Luka. She looked panic-stricken when she saw what happened.
"Oh my God!" she cried.
"Abby, can you get her? Meet me up in O.R. 3 when you're done. Thanks." Eddie asked.
Abby nodded and handed the clamp to a nurse. She stepped back as they got into the elevator and stripped off her trauma gear. Abby put her arm around Gordana's shoulders and led her into the family room. Gordana's face was tear-streaked, and tears were threatening to fall from Abby's eyes, as well. Abby bit her tounge and spoke calmly.
"He arrested in the trauma, but we got him back. Dr.Dorset took him up to surgery to try and repair his torn aorta. He's one of the best, and Luka's in good hands." Abby comforted.
"I know, but I'm still scared." Gordana sobbed.
Abby put her arm around the other woman's shoulders.
"A few months back I got into a mess and tore my diaphragm. Dr.Dorset saved my life, and I'm confident that Luka will be fine." Abby explained.
"Hopefully." Gordana said quietly.
"Come on, I'll show you where the surgical waiting room is. I have to get into the operating room, but I'll come out to see you as soon as we're done." Abby reassured.
Gordana nodded and the two women stood up. They walked up the three flights of stairs. Abby showed the surgeon into the waiting room and smiled before leaving. Luka just had to be okay. Abby couldn't live with herself wondering if there was something else she could have done. She took a deep breath and bit back the memories of her own trauma that were surfacing. She imagined this is what everyone else must have felt when she had been kidnapped. Abby took a deep breath and walked into the scrub room. She washed up quickly and got into the theatre in record time. After a few minutes, she was helping Dr.Dorset piece Luka back together.
Eddie was amazed that Abby was handling it so well. If it was him, he would be falling apart right about now. He knew all along that Abby was strong, but this was amazing nevertheless.
Abby continued with precision accuracy. She managed to keep cool and separate her personal and professional lives for the duration of the surgery. After three and a half gruelling hours, the surgery was over. Dr.Dorset had supervised Abby as she closed. When they finished, Shirley wheeled Luka into recovery as Abby and Eddie scrubbed out. When they stepped out of the scrub room, Abby took a deep, cleansing breath. Eddie smiled as he spoke.
"You were great in there. You are going to make one hell of a surgeon some day." He complimented.
"Thanks. I'll go talk to Gordana." Abby smiled back.
Eddie nodded and walked away. Abby took another steadying breath before walking over to the waiting room. Gordana sat with her head back against the wall. Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying. Abby leaned against the glass for a second before turning the doorknob and entering the room. At the disturbance, Gordana's head snapped up.
"What is it?" She asked in a flurry.
"The surgery went well. The nurse took Luka to a recovery room to rest. He's intubated, and he has a chest tube. The damage was pretty bad, but he should fully recover." Abby explained.
"Oh thank God!" Gordana exclaimed.
"Do you want to see him?" Abby inquired.
"Yes." Dr.Horvat agreed.
Abby nodded and motioned for the other woman to follow her. The two of them walked down the hall and bumped into and Romano. Abby stopped for a second to talk.
"How's the other driver?" Abby asked.
"He died twenty minutes ago." Robert said sadly.
"How about Luka?" Elizabeth queried.
"He's out of surgery. Everything went well. We're on our way to see him now." Abby said.
"We'll leave you to it then." Dr.Romano said.
Abby nodded and turned to walk down the hall. Gordana once again followed her. After a few steps, they reached the recovery room. Abby turned the doorknob and the women entered. A nurse was in the room taking Luka's vitals down. Abby walked over and took the chart from her. The nurse left the room. Gordana sat down by Luka's bed. Abby skimmed over the chart and smiled.
"His vitals are good. He's doing very well. I'll leave you with him. Page me when he comes around." Abby said, scribbling her pager number down on a piece of paper for Gordana.
"I will, thank you." Gordana said gratefully.
"No problem. See you later." Abby said.
With that she left the room. Abby felt nauseous. Luka was doing well, but that could change at any second. The next 24 hours were going to be touch and go. If he made it through the night, he would be in the clear. Abby couldn't take it anymore. She bolted for the ladies room. Once she got inside, she barely made it to the toilet before throwing up everything she had eaten for breakfast.
She was so sick and shaky, she didn't even notice the door sound of the bathroom door opening. Abby retched again and leaned back against the stall door. The metal was cool against her skin. Abby heard footsteps and a soft knock on the door.
"Abby? Is that you? Are you alright?" Elizabeth asked.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I just ate something dodgy for breakfast. I'll be out in a second." Abby assured.
"Are you sure?" Elizabeth pressed.
"Yes." Abby said, more confidently this time.
Elizabeth hopped up onto the counter and sat by the sink, waiting for Abby to come out. After a few minutes, Abby stood. She felt shaky and weak, but coffee would fix that. She must have looked something awful because Elizabeth's face contorted with worry when Abby stepped out.
"You're white as a sheet!" Elizabeth noted.
"Gee, thanks." Abby deadpanned.
"You might want to think about taking the rest of the day off." Elizabeth suggested.
"No, thanks. First I faint, now I throw up. I think surgical rotation is cursed. I just need some coffee, I'll be fine." Abby reassured.
"Alright. I've got to go, I'll see you later. I hope you feel better." Elizabeth said.
"Thanks. See you." Abby replied.
Once the surgeon left, Abby looked in the mirror. She really was pale. All her makeup was smudged from the sweat. Abby splashed her face with cool water and wiped it off. She decided to get that cup of coffee she promised herself. Abby left the washroom and got all sorts of curious stares before she ducked into the lounge. Once she got inside, she poured herself a cup of coffee. Abby slinked over to the chair in front of the window and dropped into it. She didn't really feel like drinking the coffee, so she put it down on the table beside her. Before she knew what was happening, Abby dissolved into tears. Everything that had been building on her since she saw Luka wheeled into the trauma was pouring out of her in rivers.
Just then, Edward walked into the lounge. He immediately noticed Abby sitting, with her face in her hands, crying. He walked over to her and gently put a comforting hand on her shoulder, as not to startle her. Abby's head snapped up at the touch. The surgeon kneeled down beside her and rubbed her back gently. Abby just cried harder. She hated people seeing her so weak, but she couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Eddie asked lightly.
Abby thought for a moment before nodding her head. Eddie decided that it might be better if they had some privacy.
"Let's go to my office." He suggested.
Abby looked up and nodded. Dr.Dorset took her hand gently and pulled her up out of her chair. He led her to the door and looked out before opening it. The hallway was clear and they quickly walked over to his office. He unlocked it skillfully with one hand and let Abby in. He put a hand on her back and guided her over to the couch. She collapsed onto it gratefully. Eddie sat down beside her. As she cried, the surgeon pulled her closer to him and held her to his chest. Abby's tears had streaked the front of his scrubs. He grabbed a box of tissues off of his desk. Abby pulled away and took a kleenex. She dabbed at her puffy eyes with it.
"What happened?" Dr.Dorset asked quietly.
Abby took a deep, shuddering breath.
"It's okay, take your time." Edward reassured.
"This morning, when the trauma came in, I expected it to be just another nameless patient. When I saw it was Luka on the gurney, I couldn't believe it. Suddenly I realized how you all must have felt when it was me. I pushed my feelings aside to help. All throughout surgery I though what would happen if he didn't make it. I knew I'd blame myself if anything went wrong. I would have spent my life wondering what I could have done differently. If I had done something differently, whether it would have made a difference, saved his life." Abby sobbed.
"He's okay now. I know there's still a chance for something to go wrong, but he looks like he's in the clear for now. It's not your fault. We did everything, and Luka will be okay. He'll be telling this story to his grandchildren one day. Don't ever blame yourself." Eddie comforted.
"I hope you're right." Abby breathed.
"I'm always right." Eddie joked.
Abby smiled at his arrogance. She knew Luka was in good hands, but she couldn't help worrying. If she was this nervous, Abby couldn't even begin to fathom how badly Gordana must have been reliving the accident. Suddenly, Abby's pager went off. She grabbed it quickly and turned it off. It was Gordana. Luka was waking up.
"That's Dr.Horvat. Luka must be coming around." Abby pointed out.
"Come on, let's go. I'll observe the post-op exam." Dr.Dorset said.
"Do I look like I've been crying?" Abby inquired.
"Not at all." Eddie smiled.
Abby nodded briskly. She took a deep breath before standing up. The two of them left the room and walked toward recovery. Once they reached the door, Abby had to hold on to the doorframe for a moment to steady herself before walking into the room. Gordana turned around when the door opened. Eddie followed Abby over to the gurney and stood aside to watch how she handled it. Abby picked up the chart and skimmed through it before speaking.
"How's he doing?" She asked.
"He opened his eyes a few minutes ago. He's a little disoriented." Dr.Horvat explained.
Abby nodded and put the chart down on the bedside table. She walked over to Luka's bed and slipped her hand into his.
"Luka, if you can hear me squeeze my hand." Abby instructed.
His grip tightened around her hand weakly for a moment. Abby smiled inwardly. It was a good sign. She scribbled some notes in his chart and looked back down at him. Luka's eyes were now fully open. He was deathly pale from the blood loss, but pale was better than dead. Abby cringed inwardly at the thought.
"Gordana, I need to examine him. Would you excuse us for a moment? You could go get some coffee or something to eat. I'll call you in as soon as I'm done." Abby explained.
Gordana knew her attempts at arguing would be futile. She nodded and smiled. The surgeon stood up and walked out of the room. Abby watched her leave before turning back to Luka. She felt a little nervous. It would be awkward working on a colleague. Especially with another colleague watching her like a hawk. She took a deep breath before addressing a very groggy Luka.
"Luka. It's Abby. I'm going to examine you now. If you've made satisfactory progress, then I'll take the tube out." Abby said gently.
Luka nodded slightly. Before beginning, Abby took down all of Luka's measurements and numbers from the charts. Her own pulse was racing when she took Luka's wrist. His pulse was strong and steady.
Luka was slightly uncomfortable having Abby examine him. Although he trusted her deeply, it was strange. He had been in the same position as her a few months back. He knew how uncomfortable Abby must feel as well.
Abby carried on with the examination, talking to Luka the whole time. Dr.Dorset was amazed at her doctor-patient relation skills. Her bedside manner was incredible. He could only imagine how awkward it must have been for her.
Abby had almost finished. The last things left to do were check Luka's breath sounds and examine the incision. His reflexes were good, no neurological defecit. Abby carefully untied Luka's gown and pulled it aside. She helped his sit up while she checked his breath sounds. They were good. His heartbeat was strong, too. Abby checked the incision. There was redness and swelling, but nothing unusual. Abby was satisfied with the results.
"Well Luka, you're doing very well. I'm going to extubate. You know the drill. On my count. One, two, three, blow." Abby instructed.
Luka coughed when the tube was removed and Abby handed him a glass of water. He sipped it gratefully and put it back on the bedside table. Abby quickly put a nasal cannula on him to help him breathe. Though Luka knew he shouldn't talk so quickly after being extubated, he spoke up anyway.
"Thank you, Abby. For saving my life." He said hoarsely.
"Shh. Don't talk for now. I didn't save your life, Dr.Dorset did. I just stood there and looked pretty." Abby smiled.
"Thank you both." Luka said.
"All that's important now is that you get better. We'll leave you to it." Dr.Dorset said reassuringly.
"Where is Gordana? Is she alright?" Luka asked.
"She's fine. She just had minor lacs after the crash. She went to get something to drink. I'll page her for you." Eddie said.
"We'll see you later." Abby said.
"No, please stay." Luka said.
Abby looked at Dr.Dorset. He nodded approvingly before leaving to page Gordana. Abby sat down on the edge of Luka's bed and he took her hand. She gently stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. Luka smiled appreciatively at the gesture.
"You really scared me." Abby admitted.
"I'm sorry." Luka apologized.
"It wasn't your fault. At least now I know you're going to be okay." Abby smiled.
Luka returned her smile. A few minutes later, Gordana walked in. She was quickly followed by Kerry Weaver. Luka and Abby looked up at the visitors. Gordana turned around to see who had pursued her.
"Oh, hello Dr.Weaver." Gordana said politely.
"I came to give you the news. Congratulations, Dr.Horvat, you start work at County as soon as you get settled." Kerry smiled.
"Oh my gosh, that's wonderful! Thank you." Gordana rejoiced.
"No problem. How are you doing, Luka?" Weaver asked.
"Fine, thanks. How about you, Kerry? I understand I gave everyone quite a scare." Luka said.
"I'm doing well. You did manage to give us quite a fright. Everyone will be glad to know you're doing well. Sorry, I have to get back to work. I'll be back to see you later." Kerry said.
"I'll be going, too. I'll leave you to it. See you later." Abby said.
"Bye. Thank you, Abby." Gordana smiled.
"No problem." Abby returned.
As she walked out of the room, Abby smiled. She heard Gordana and Luka speaking in Croatian.
"Volim te, Luka." Gordana said.
"Volim te, Gordana." Luka replied.
The two of them kissed. Abby left the room quietly. She headed for the lounge. The longest shift of her life was finally over. She changed out of her scrubs at lightning speed. She quickly grabbed her things and left the lounge. She waved goodbye to the surgeons on her way out. Abby was nervous about leaving Luka. He could still throw a clot at any moment and go belly up. Abby put the thoughts out of her mind. She promised herself she would say a silent prayer for him before going to bed. Abby walked into the elevator and rode down to the ER. Once she got downstairs, everyone crowded around her and congratulated her on the way she handled the trauma. Abby smiled as she walked into the lounge. Carter had already changed and was putting his stethoscope in his locker. He smiled when he saw who his companion was.
"Hey sweetheart." He said.
"Hi." Abby replied.
Carter finished putting his things away and closed his locker. He walked over to Abby and wrapped his arms around her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. Carter leaned in and his lips met hers tenderly. They stayed locked in a passionate embrace for a few minutes. When they pulled away, they noticed they had attracted an audience. Chuni, Lydia, Yosh, Mark, Dave, and Susan stood in the doorway. When Carter and Abby noticed them, they blushed. The crowed just giggled. The two of them left the lounge, saying goodbye to everyone in turn on the way out.
Once they got out to the car, Carter and Abby laughed. Now Abby knew how Corday and Dorset felt when she had walked in on them. Only then it had only been her, not half the ward. Oh well, the ER grapevine would only haunt Carter now. After a few minutes of driving, they were back at the mansion.
The two of them got out of the car and walked, hand in hand, toward the house. The falling rain had turned to snow, and the ground was slowly being covered with a soft blanket of silver and cold. The moon was bathing the landscape in a sheet of delicate light. Everything was illuminated beautifully. Carter looked deep into Abby's eyes. They were sparkling, reflecting the moonbeams. He took Abby by the shoulders and pulled her closer to keep her warm. Abby and Carter closed their eyes as they came together. Their lips locked and the sparks flew. It felt as though the snow was literally melting around their feet. When they pulled away, both were blushing furiously. Whether it was from the cold or the passion, neither of them really knew.
Carter and Abby decided to go indoors. When Carter opened the door, they were both hit with a wave of hot air. The house had a warm glow to it. They stepped inside and took off their coats. Carter took Abby's arm again and they walked into the living room. The fireplace was lit and the flame was emitting an orange light. The ambiance was pleasant and welcoming after such a long, stressful day. Abby's worries about Luka were somewhat eased with the warmth. Carter pulled Abby further along to the dining room.
The table was set for two. There was a vase of red roses in the centre of the table, surrounded on either side by two white taper candles in silver holders. The plates were porcelain, hand painted. The forks and knives were elaborately designed. Beside the table was an ice bucket set on a small stand, with a bottle of red wine in it. Carter came around beside Abby and pulled a chair out for her. She sat down and he pushed it back in. Carter went around the other side and sat down as well.
After a few minutes Abby and Carter sat, chatting animatedly and sipping wine. Trudy entered carrying a tray. There was an array of different dishes. Carter and Abby thanked Trudy for dinner and went on to eat. Once they were finished, they went back into the living room.
The fire was still burning strong, and it was a very comfortable feeling. Carter pulled Abby down on the couch beside him. She pulled her feet up and curled up into him. She rested her head against his chest. Carter ran his fingers through Abby's hair.
"What a day." Carter commented.
"Mmm hmm." Abby consented.
"Are you alright?" Carter inquired.
"Fine. I'd rather not think about work right now." Abby said.
Carter kissed the top of her head. Abby silently prayed that Luka would be okay, like she promised she would. After a few minutes she felt sleepy. The day had really taken a lot out of her. Abby snuggled more comfortably into Carter and closed her eyes. His rhythmic breathing slowly put Abby to sleep. After a few minutes, she had completely drifted off. Carter noticed the change in her breathing pattern and realized she was asleep. He carefully slipped out from under her and scooped her up. He carried her up the stairs and to the bedroom. After carefully changing her clothes for her, Carter changed into his pajamas. He turned off the lights and crawled into bed beside her. Not long after, Carter let sleep cloud his mind as well. All night he dreamt of hot summer days on a beautiful, scenic beach with Abby. At the same time, Abby's sleep was troubled by nightmares of guilt and tragedy. As if he could sense her discomfort, Carter rolled over in his sleep and wrapped his arms around Abby. Her nightmares were instantly replaced with sweet dreams. Until the morning sun would rise again, Abby would be getting the rest she so desperately needed.
A.N.: How was it? Thank you to carbytothecore, rizzo1, normal folk, and hyperpiper91 for reviewing the last chapter. Volim te means I love you in Croatian. Roses are red, violets are blue, tell me what you think, by clicking review! Thanks! –Julia-