Three Gryffindors and A Baby
By ::celeste::
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter (duh) that honor belongs to Rowling, the genius that she is. I'm just borrowing her people and locking them in little cages for my (and your?) amusement. I promise to give them back relatively unharmed. Well, Snape may need some serious counseling after this. Anyhoo I make not one penny off this story, and I don't even have a penny so it's quite pointless to sue. Thanks.
Summary: An accident in Potions (where else?) turns Snape into an infant. Dumbledore in his glorious wisdom (and because it makes a nice plot) leaves him in the care of Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
Chapter 2
Diapers, Bottles, and Dinner- Oh My!
Students peeked from the doors of the various classes they passed by to find out what was screaming like a dying banshee with a megaphone. Hermione kept her head high as all the curious stares fell on the bundle she was holding. Refusing to listen to the whispers that fluttered behind in her wake (not that she could have heard them over Snape anyway), she continued to lead the others to the stone gargoyle guarding the sealed entrance to the headmaster's office.
"Does anyone know the password?" she called out. Her throat had already grown horse from constantly yelling over Snape's cries.
All three boys shook their heads, and her nose twitched in agitation. Just as she was about to start back towards the transfiguration classroom to speak with Professor McGonagall, the gargoyle swung open to reveal the magical escalator leading up to the Headmaster's door.
"Well," Ron screamed, "how could he not have known we were down here!" He pointed a finger at their Professor.
Hermione again lead the way up to the door. She paused before knocking, wondering if they were about to interrupt an important meeting. When she voiced this concern to Harry, he stared at her with tense eyes. "What could be more important then this?" he replied dryly into her ear. She nodded and rapped on the door.
It swung back to reveal Dumbledore alone in the room. Seated behind his desk, the Headmaster's attention was fixed on a strange contraption floating above the table before him. He held a screwdriver in one hand, tongue poking out from the corner of his mouth as he gingerly twisted a knob in the center of the twirling device. Silver sparkles erupted from the top like a fountain and bathed the room in a soft light.
The effect on Snape was immediate. He stopped screaming to gaze at the spinning fountain with wonder in his widening eyes. Dumbledore peered up at them, his own eyes sparkling enough to rival the silver streaming from his desk. "Children are easy to amuse, especially the younger they are." He motioned for them to step further in before placing the screwdriver within one of the drawers of his desk. "Then again, the same could be said for old men such as myself." He gazed at Snape. "It seems Severus is no longer to be counted in the older among us."
The students stared at him in wonder for one bewildered moment, questioning in their own minds how it was that Dumbledore seemed omniscient when it came to the events in Hogwarts.
"There was an accident in Potions, Sir," Harry replied, the toe of his boot digging into the carpet that had suddenly became quite fascinating to him. "My fault entirely."
"N-n-no." Neville stuttered out between his shivering teeth. "My f-fault too."
"Why don't you all sit down." Dumbledore swept his hand and four chairs appeared before his desk. "Explain everything that happened."
They made their way forward timidly. Neville was still shaking as he sat, causing the chair to creak. Dumbledore picked up a nearby tray and held it out for him. "Lemondrop, Mr. Longbottom? I find they are quite soothing in stressful situationas. Or perhaps some chocolate?"
Neville shook his head hard enough to pull a muscle in his neck. Dumbledore smiled lightly. "It's all right. Here." He withdrew a chocolate bar from his robes and gave it to the quivering boy. Neville tore the wrapper in his fright and nibbled very slowly on it. Eventually he calmed to a point where the violent shaking was reduced to small, periodic shivers. Dumbledore nodded. "Much better."
Snape, in the meantime, had begun to reach his pudgy little hands towards the fountain as it continued to spray sparkles into the air. Dumbledore chuckled and slid the fountain closer to Snape, who in turn cooed with glee and gracelessly shoved his hands over the top. As the fountain stopped to produce the showers of silver, his eyes began to tear again. When he discovered that pulling away made the sparkles rain over the room, Snape laughed and continued the pattern as if he controlled all the power in the world.
"Now that Severus is sufficiently distracted," Dumbledore nodded towards the infant, "why don't you tell me how this happened."
"Well sir," Ron began before pausing to think. "We were brewing an aging potion today. Not a very powerful one, according to Professor Snape." He hesitated then, throwing the laughing Professor a befuddled glance. "Guess he was wrong."
"I think I accidentally put too many baby eels into the potion," Neville muttered. "When I looked down where I'd knocked over the tray, it was empty. The only thing on the ground was the purple goo that got all over him before he... shrank." His lower lip began to tremble and Neville quickly took a bite from the chocolate.
"Hmm. I've never heard of this effect before, but Potions was never my field of study." Dumbledore sighed. "I fear that without Professor Snape's expertise this situation may take some time to resolve." At the look of terror that struck the students, the Headmaster quickly added some hope, "If it does not dissipate on it's own."
"And if there is no counter potion?" Hermione asked, glancing down at the giddy baby in her arms.
"Then Professor Snape may have to grow up again."
All of them sat in a stunned silence for several minutes which was only interrupted by a giggling Snape. Hermione absently began to smooth the patch of hair on his head, comforted by the short black strands that were soft as rabbits fur.
Dumbledore smiled, practically radiating relaxation and comfort at them. "Now, why don't you tell me how Professor Snape came in contact with the potion. I have never known him to accidentally spill anything."
"That's my fault," Harry replied, again finding the floor quite fascinating. "We- erm, I mean he- or me... some things were said and," Harry sighed and tore his eyes from the floor to meet Dumbledore's. "I jumped on his back and he fell onto Neville's cauldron," Harry said in a rush, hoping the speed might lessen the impact.
It did not, and Dumbledore nodded very slowly. "I see. Assault on a teacher is a very serious offense Harry."
"But it wasn't just Harry's fault sir!" Ron shouted, momentarily startling Severus away from the fountain. The baby turned his head to glare at Ron, and he could almost hear Snape's sneering voice in his head saying, 'Twenty points for ruining my fun, Mr. Weasley'. Ron glared back at Snape and continued defiantly, "He accused Harry of practically causing Cedric's death. In front of everyone!"
"Severus," Dumbledore breathed. Snape turned his head, the awkward movement causing it to bob to the side slightly as he regarded the Headmaster. Dumbledore sighed and shook his own head. "A very inappropriate thing to say, my friend. Never the less, there is no excuse for assaulting a member of the faculty... Quirrel aside. I believe a punishment is in order here."
"Yes, sir." Harry's voice shook. "I'll just go and collect my things." He moved to stand when Dumbledore stopped him.
"Whatever for?"
Harry gazed at the Headmaster with disbelief. "You aren't going to-"
The old wizards eyes softened. "No, Harry. I'm not." Harry let out a long sigh and leaned into his chair as the other three grinned back and forth. "I am a firm believer that a punishment should also serve as a lesson."
They remained quiet.
"Therefore, you will be in charge of Professor Snape's care for the time being until we can find a way to-ah-reverse the situation."
They continued to remain quiet, but Harry's jaw was about to hit his knees.
"And since Professor Snape has seemed to take a liking to you Hermione, you shall assist Harry. I think this will be an excellent opportunity for the students to experience life with one who depends so intently on you for the most basic of needs. In fact, you may help as well Ron. Yes, a most excellent idea." Dumbledore sat back in his own leather chair and beamed at them.
They continued to gawk at him as if he had suddenly sprouted an extra head. One that was pink. And a dragon. Snape chose that moment to start laughing at a portrait in the room which was making funny faces at him.
"You're mad!" Ron exclaimed. He quickly clamped his hands over his mouth as he realized he'd said that bit aloud.
Dumbledore chuckled. "So I've been told many times before."
"What about me?" Neville muttered.
"My dear boy, it is very well known how much you fear Professor Snape. I still remember that incident with the boggart." He chuckled again. "You made an understandable mistake with no ill intent. We all foul occasionally, even myself."
Dumbledore seemed very pleased as he leaned forward and motioned for Hermione, who sat in stunned silence, to hand Severus to him. Startling into action, she gave him over with only a hint of reluctance. Dumbledore gazed at the gurgling face with a strangely sympathetic expression. "It is wonderful to see him smile again. It might improve the mood around the castle if a baby is around. Little padding feet, as they say."
"Couldn't we just get a dog?" Ron moaned.
Dumbledore peered over the frame of his spectacles at him. "Why don't you hold him?"
"What!" he shrieked. Snape's face contorted and it was clear he was about to cry when Dumbledore quickly uttered gentle words that succeeded in soothing him.
"You did grow up in a house filled with children," Hermione pointed out.
"But Ginny is only a year and a half younger than me. I never had to deal with babies before," Ron grumbled before crossing his arms in front of his chest. Dumbledore clucked his tongue disapprovingly.
"Come now. Here." He stood and walked around the desk until he was standing beside Ron's chair. Slowly, he knelt beside him and presented Snape, who glared at Ron in an eerily familiar way.
Ron returned the scathing look, pleased that-for once-it managed to out shine his Professor's. "He hates me."
"Nonsense," Dumbledore replied sternly before moving his hand under Snape's neck. "You must always make sure the neck is supported. Hold him gently, but firmly enough that he won't roll out." He pressed Snape into Ron's folded arms.
Sighing to show his extreme discomfort, Ron quickly adjusted enough to allow Dumbledore to gently pass Snape along. Snape's face contorted into extreme distaste as he settled into the slight dip of the fifteen year-old's cradling hold. Ron stared down at him like a deer caught in the headlights of his father's car.
"See? It's not so very bad, is it?" Dumbledore murmured. Harry craned his neck to watch, barely containing his laughter. Ron pinched his nose.
"I guess not, but I still don't li-"
A sudden stream of yellow erupted from Snape.
"EEEW!" Ron cried out as the front of his shirt was drenched in urine. "He's pissing on me!"
Snape let off the water works and began to laugh, waving his short stubby arms in glee. Ron shoved him back at the Headmaster, whose own cheeks ballooned as he struggled to stifle his amusement. Harry and Neville knew it was a hopeless cause, and soon the room echoed with their guffaws.
Dumbledore accepted Snape's return as Hermione raised her hand. "He should at least have a diaper, sir."
"No kidding!" Ron snarled, holding his now drenched shirt away from his chest.
The elderly wizard nodded thoughtfully. "I believe I can 'conjure' up-as it were-some of the necessities. I will send Professor McGonagall to Hogsmeade tonight to fetch some more supplies, and toys." Dumbledore smiled benevolently at Snape. "Somehow I have a feeling he did not receive near enough before. Well, we shall make sure his second go at infancy is much more enjoyable. Won't we?"
They groaned in response. Dumbledore motioned for them all to stand with a tilt of his head. He laid Snape down on the desk with great care and took out a wand that looked worn and smoothed from extreme age. "Now, for some diapers." He glanced around before his eyes landed on a traveling cloak draped on the rack near the fireplace. Taking them from the hook, he set them on the desk and waved his wand along their length.
The plain magenta cloak segmented and reformed into several pairs of white nappies before their eyes. Dumbledore grabbed the top one, giving it a quick inspection before nodding his approval.
"Now, watch very carefully," he instructed. After a few swift flicks, Snape was no longer naked but sufficiently covered. The top cinch of his nappy was decorated in unicorns, all of which busied themselves prancing happily around. "I've charmed them not to leak, but if he has an accident," he paused to glow at Ron, who still held his shirt pinched in two fingers away from his chest, "the unicorns will become most... displeased. Be sure to check them periodically, just in case the smell doesn't tell you first."
A look of horror again crossed their faces.
"I expect each of you to take turns caring for him. For now, Hermione, please create a suitable bag which will hold the things he needs."
Hermione nodded and reached for her book bag, which was no longer there. "Oh dear," she muttered. The idea of being without her books terrifying her more than caring for the baby before them. "I must have forgotten it back in the classroom."
"I'll get it for you!" Neville cried out before practically flying from the room. They watched as he disappeared out the door.
"I don't think he's going to be much help," Harry muttered.
"You may be surprised," Dumbledore mysteriously replied. "Here, you can use that case by the fireplace, Miss Granger."
Hermione pointed to a tattered looking case. Dumbledore nodded. "Is there anything important inside?" She asked, unwilling to go through the Headmaster's things.
"No. It's empty."
She pulled out her own wand, pausing shortly to think before she aiming it at the case. In a flash of white, which made Snape coo out with glee, it successfully transformed into a diaper bag. Several side pockets covered the outside, each covered with rabbits.
"Bunnies?" Ron asked disdainfully. "I don't want to carry around a bag with bunnies on it!"
"You'll very well do it, Ronald Weasley! And what more, you will like it!" Hermione hissed back, waving her wand at him. Ron threw out the hand not holding his shirt in surrender. "It should be bottomless, sir, and able to hold alot of items." Hermione added, sounding quite pleased with her accomplishment. Dumbledore clapped.
"Well done. Ten points for Gryffindor, Miss Granger," he replied beaming. "Minerva was absolutely right. Come, let's finish the rest."
By the time the three students trudged out of Dumbledore's office, the bag slung over Harry's shoulder contained the most essential things Snape would need. Enough nappies to last through the night, five bottles that were decorated with several magical creatures that Harry suspected Snape would choke them for when he turned back (he was going to turn back Harry told himself over and over), pacifiers, rattles, books Dumbledore had produced for them to read Snape to sleep ('Severus always reads a book before going to bed'), and a strange assortment of toys the Headmaster had provided that Harry had never even seen before.
They had clothed him in a bright blue pajama outfit that was covered with ducks. They floated around the fabric as if Snape's clothes were some sort of enchanted lake. Ron had muttered that they should have made the entire outfit black, instead. Dumbledore only smiled and replied that, 'One can never wear too many colors.'
It was decided that Snape should alternate staying between them, unless a preference became apparent. A crib in both Harry and Ron's room, as well as Hermione's. A playpen would be set up in the Common Room, and in the classes they would attend.
As soon as they were in the hall, Ron paused to aim a look of disgust at Snape before addressing Harry and Hermione. "I'm going to go change," he grumbled sourly, gesturing to his shirt. "I'll meet you all in the Great Hall for dinner."
The pair nodded to Ron as he turned and stalked away. They glanced at each other before continuing down the corridor. Snape had been buckled into a carrier strapped to Hermione's back. "You know," Hermione began, glancing at Harry, "this could have turned out a lot worse for you."
Harry nodded. He hadn't really said much since the accident, still feeling a bit shell shocked after the Headmaster's announcement of Snape's new living arrangement.
"And this will be a good experience for all of us," Hermione added.
Again, Harry only nodded.
"And he is kind of cute this way."
Harry stopped to turn his head and stare at her. "Have you lost your mind 'Mione?" he asked. She glared before speeding her pace, flouncing ahead of him. Harry was left staring at Snape's face instead, which- he would swear to anyone under Veritaserum- was snarling at him.
When they reached the Gryffindore table in the Great Hall, Harry immediately noticed the highchair at the end. It's golden wrought frame gleamed in the firelight, and he boggled at the satin cushions. Harry groaned at the thought of Snape dining in luxery, especially when he considered what should be an otherwise embarrassing situation. Rolling his eyes, he reluctantly helped Hermione remove Snape from the carrier to transfer him into the chair. Hermione secured the tray in front and buckled him in.
Snape was not pleased. Almost immediately he began slapping the tray. Harry tried to shush him as best he could, placing his bigger hands over Snape's, which earned him another baby-snarl and glare. Harry almost glared back before catching himself and sighing.
"We just heard," Fred said as he walked up to stand at the opposite side of the highchair, flanked by George who was barely containing his laughter at the sight of Snape. "Still looks like a right evil git, doesn't he?"
At this comment Snape began that painfully loud and obnoxious wail of his. It echoed around the Hall, causing everyone to stare. Snape didn't seem to care as he continued screaming with a power Harry would never have believed.
"I should Hex you!" Hermione hissed to Fred, reaching into the bag still held by Harry. She fished around for several frantic seconds before pulling out one of the toys Dumbledore had fashioned for him.
She sat it in front of Snape and began to talk to him in a sing-song voice. "There, there Sevvy. Here, look at this." She flipped the copper switch and the toy began to swirl with colors. Snape quieted and grasped for the toy with clumsy fingers. "Only if you're a good baby. You are a good baby-waby aren't you?" She asked in the same sickening tone which made Harry cringe and the Weasley twins snort with laughter. She glared at them before handing the toy to Snape, who busied himself in studying it as only a baby could.
"Sevvy," George gasped out. "Little Sevvy-wevvy have a doo-doo yet?" The twins erupted with laughter.
"Oh grow up!" Hermione hissed, lashing out at them. "He can't help it. And, no, for your information."
"He did see fit to use me as the loo though," Ron grumbled as he wandered over. George and Fred settled themselves down to a few chuckles and went to sit in their customary seats. Soon, however, most of the students were clustering over to get a look at their Potion's Master, whose accident was a favorite and widely spread bit of gossip by now.
Hermione kept shooing them away, mothering over Snape in a way that made Harry and Ron sick to their stomachs. "Girls," Ron whispered to Harry before shaking his head.
After the announcement by Dumbledore of Snape's accident and the current situation (during which Harry noticed the mirth on all of the other Professor's faces) the food appeared. Fortunately, hunger drove the rest of the school away from inspecting Snape in favor of returning to their own plates.
Hermione didn't touch her food, instead spending her dinnertime trying to feed Snape the mush that the house elves had brought out for him.
"Are you sure he can eat solid food? Dumbledore did give us the bottles," Ron pointed out. Hermione ignored him for a few moments, making bizarre buzzing noises as she waved the tiny spoon in circles around Snape's face.
"He can have some of this too," she finally answered when it was apparent Snape wasn't being fooled into thinking his spoon was an airplane so easily. "He's not quite newborn."
"No, he's a thirty-five-year-old baby," Ron replied dryly. As soon as he turned back to his own plate, a glob of yellow mush smacked into the side of the head. Ron gasped in shock, snatching napkin to wipe it away while the rest of the table laughed. Ron glared at Snape, but paused as he noticed the very pleased expression on the baby's face. "Git!" Ron called out. Snape stuck his tongue out.
"Oh for Merlin's sake, Ron," Hermione chastened as she cleaned a bit of the mush from Snape's chin. "It's only applesauce."
"He really hates me," Ron muttered darkly before returning to his food.