Three Gryffindors and a Baby

By ::celeste::

Fanmail to celestialsilence@mchsi.com

Disclaimerness: I don't own Harry Potter (duh) that honour belongs to Rowling, the genius that she is. I'm just borrowing her people and locking them in little cages for my (and your?) amusement. I promise to give them back relatively unharmed. Well, Snape may need some serious counselling after this. Anyhoo I make not one penny off this story, and I don't even have a penny so it's quite pointless to sue. Thanks.

Summary: An accident in Potions (where else?) turns Snape into an infant. Dumbledore in his glorious wisdom (and because it makes a nice plot) leaves him in the care of Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Rating for Ch. 4: Because of a certain Innuendo (pure humour on my part- or attempt thereof) regarding Trelawney, and the curse words of D**n & H**l from Ron, I am upping the rating of Ch. 4 to PG-13. So if you are under the age of 13, ask mummy and daddy to edit it for ya- ok ^.^ I figure PG-13 should be alright because of Shrek….which just had TONS of innuendos in it. (Think he's overcompensating for something?)

Dedication: To Kayla, my cousin Rhonda's daughter, who is the most adorable little thing alive. And yes, I am a bit biased about that ^.^ Also to Rowling- hoping her current pregnancy is a wonderful experience.

Special Thanks: My eternal gratitude to my four Beta Readers: Kerguelen, Aemos, Ms. Prongs, and Sharon. Without whom, this story would be filled with too many errors to count. Also to the reviewers, who make it all worth my while.

Special Note: I've been told this story has inspired a few to draw Fan Art. Please, send anything you draw to me!! I would love to see it :D

Also, Sharon has informed me that the term for pacifier is dummy, and a stroller is pushchair. ^.- FYI for any who should need it.

Chapter 4

Foolish Wand Waving

Harry, Ron, and Hermione blinked their heavy eyes several times. Snape had woken up a total of three times throughout the course of that first night. Harry and Ron tended to him the best they could, but he still succeeded in depriving most of the Gryffindors of sleep. Slytherins kept laughing at them, especially when Harry walked into one of the suits of armor- causing it to topple over on top of him.

This time, Ron carried Snape on his back as the three made their way to Transfigurations. Hermione had given Snape another toy- this one similar to a Muggle Yo-Yo. Instead of working with a string, the ball flew out and was repelled back with magic. It probably hadn't been the brightest idea that she'd ever had, because Snape kept flinging it towards students who walked by. He had already knocked Colin Creevey in the head as the boy tried to get a picture. Fred had taken him to the infirmary.

They yawned as they took their seats in McGonagall's Transfiguration class. The woman lifted her eyebrow and deposited a brown package tied with string in front of Harry. "More supplies." She clarified before taking Snape from Hermione.

She lifted him high. "Well," she began as she eyed the baby in front of her- taking in his frown with a bemused expression on her face, "still in a bad mood- are we? There weren't many of us who terribly missed your presence at the staff meeting." Snape sneered and bobbed his head to the side. McGonagall shook her own head and walked over to a playpen which had been placed near her desk at the front of the room. She laid him inside and added a fuzzy werewolf doll to occupy himself with.

It had to be the first time Ron and Harry had been just as excited as Hermione about going to Transfigurations class. Now free of Snape for the moment (although they were informed that it was still their responsibility to attend to his needs) they dove into their assignment of transforming mittens into squirrels, and then back again. Ron's head kept dancing mercilessly close to the pile in front of him- until McGonagall snapped for him to wake up.

Hermione finished her own pile quickly and took the opportunity to read up on her Arithmancy. Harry kept trying to catch the squirrels, which managed to scamper away from him, along with the other half of the class. Although Neville's were much easier to grab a hold of. His squirrels had a single finger of cloth sticking up from their foreheads.

When McGonagall left to fetch some supplies for the class of forth years she had next, Draco stood up and sauntered over to Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Seamus' table. Shadowed- of course- by Crabbe and Goyle.

"Rough night Potter?" He asked as he picked up one of Neville's botched mittens. It chattered angrily at him.

"Leave me alone Malfoy." Harry replied, plucking the squirrel-mitt from Draco and handing it back to Neville who sat behind him. "I'm in no mood this morning."

Ron muttered something about Puppies and Shotguns as he snored into the pile of mittens.

Draco smiled viciously in reply. "Of course not Potter. I can imagine that Professor Snape made sure you paid for your incompetence in his classroom- all of your incompetence."

"Shut up and sit down Malfoy." Harry growled back. Malfoy opened his mouth to say something, when one of Seamus' squirrels exploded.

Ron snapped his head up. "Got him!" He cried before blinking his eyes and turning his head towards the smoke. "Oh- only you Seamus."

"I can't do it!" Seamus exclaimed angrily as he smashed his wand down onto the table.

"Cheer up Seamus." Ron replied, slapping him on the back in encouragement. "You'll get the hang of it soon enough."

"Or blow up the entire school trying." Malfoy sneered in return. He reached down and lifted Seamus' wand off the table- flexing it between his fingers. "I wonder why Dumbledore ever let a Squib like you come to Hogwarts in the first place."

Harry slammed his fists on the desk as he jumped out of his seat. "Watch your stinking mouth and take it back."

Malfoy smiled. "Never."

"Why you-" Harry growled and reached his arm out towards his blonde rival. Ron managed to take hold of him this time and he forced Harry back into his seat just as McGonagall strolled back in. She took one look at the scene and cleared her throat.

"Back to your seats young men!" She snapped angrily. "Five points from Slytherin each."

Draco frowned and glared at Harry before making his way back to their table. Before he sat down, he tossed Seamus' wand from his hand. Right towards Snape's play pen.

Snape, who had busied himself by smashing the head of his werewolf between the wooden bars, paused as the wand landed next to him. He dropped the werewolf plush to the side, forgotten. Snape smiled in glee as he regarded his new toy, and took it happily into his fingers.

"Professor McGonagall," Seamus waited for their Professor to turn to him, "Draco took my wand."

She snapped her head towards the three Slytherins. "Return Mr. Finnegan's wand at once, Mr. Malfoy."

"I don't have it Professor." Draco replied, holding up his empty hands for her to see. McGonagall narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

"Where is it?"

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe it blew up."

Several of the other Slytherins snickered at this as Seamus' face flushed a deep red. Hermione's eyes left her book and gazed around the room. "Professor McGonagall," she began as she spotted Seamus' mahogany wand in Snape's hands, "Professor Snape has it."

McGonagall turned towards the playpen and sighed. She walked quickly over towards the pen while speaking to Draco. "How did Snape come to posses it Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco shrugged again. "Not a clue, Professor."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow sceptically and leaned over the side of the pen. Snape eyed her warily and clutched the wand tighter in his fingers as he fell onto his back. "Severus- the wand please." She asked as she reached out to pluck it from his grasp.

Snape began to tear up.

"Oh come now." She snapped angrily. "Give it here."

"He doesn't understand Professor." Hermione answered- angry with McGonagall for the first time ever. "He's only a baby."

"I can see the state of Professor Snape, Miss Granger. I assure you- I am not quite blind." McGonagall answered, head tilted to the side in surprise at Hermione's outburst.

Snape glanced back and forth at the two for several moments, the tears slowly making their way down his face. It was quite clear to everyone in the classroom he did not want to give up this new toy.

"Maybe you should ask Malfoy to get it from him." Ron began, a smile on his face. "He's used to stealing from babies."

"What was that Weasley!" Draco shouted back.

McGonagall turned around and drew her arms together in front of her chest angrily. "Mr. Weasley- apologize this instance. Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if this entire class room is filled with infants the way you are all behaving toda---"

McGonagall never had the chance to finish her sentence because her feet slowly began to leave the ground. The class watched- wide eyed with astonishment- as she continued to rise higher and higher into the air. She clasped her hands around savagely, trying to grasp hold of anything to bring her back down.

Harry gaped open mouthed as she then began to shoot across the room. Back and forth she flew as if riding on top of his Nimbus Two-Thousand. Except there was no broom under her control.

McGonagall screamed out in terror as she almost collided with a wall- turning the second before hitting and flying towards the other wall across the room. Everyone had their heads tilted backwards- turning from side to side as they watched her bolt around.

"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!! GET ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!!!" McGonagall shrieked in horror before covering her head with her arms as she flew towards the window- only to zoom back towards the ceiling a second later.

Harry heard the unmistakable giggle of Snape and his head snapped back down. His eyes drifted towards the crib to a sight he couldn't believe. Uttering no spells or incantations- was Snape who only laughed with glee as he watched McGonagall fly through the air. His arm waving the wand back and forth with no particular pattern.

Hagrid's voice rang out in Harry's mind. 'Ever do anything you couldn't explain? Anything when you were scared or angry?'

"It's Snape!" Harry exclaimed to Hermione as he jumped over his table and raced towards the playpen where Snape was still waving the wand back and forth. Harry leaned over the side and wretched it out of his grasp. As soon as Snape's hand was disconnected from the wand, McGonagall stopped mid-air.

"Uh-oh." Ron muttered.

She fell and crashed right on top of Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. The four thrashed around for a few moments- McGonagall's stocking clad legs kicked furiously over the top of the table before she managed to catch a chair and haul herself to a standing position.

Crabbe and Goyle soon followed, pulling Malfoy to his feet. McGonagall shook her head a few times- one of Goyle's squirrels caught in the bun on top of her hair and buried itself deeper into it. She straightened her glasses- and glared right towards the crib. She began to shake with anger and pointed a finger towards Harry- who now held Snape. Snape began to cry at the top of his lungs.

"All three of you get--- get--- get---- him out of here!! Right now!! And don't come back!" She continued to shake with fury- her face red- as she attempted to pull the squirrel away from her head. Harry walked over to Seamus, returned his wand, and then walked out the door.

Hermione and Ron stood wordlessly and grabbed their books before following Harry and Snape from the room.

Once out in the hall, Harry placed Snape back into the carrier Ron had strapped onto his back. Snape continued to wail with fury. Hermione carefully smoothed Snape's hair down before placing a dummy into his mouth. Snape tried to refuse it the first few times- but by the third accepted it quietly and began to suck on it.

Harry stood motionless for a few minutes- regarding Snape carefully. Snape glared back and narrowed his large black eyes. Slowly a smile etched its way across Harry's face.

"Foolish wand waving Professor?"

Snape -to Harry's great surprise- smiled back around the dummy. Harry patted his head a few times, before stepping next to a grinning Ron and a furious Hermione.

"That was bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaimed as the trio made it's way towards the trap door of the Divination classroom. "Seeing old McGonagall zooming around like that! Simply Marvellous! Wonder how he did it! Wouldn't mind trying that with Trelawney sometime."

"Hagrid once told me you don't need an incantations for magic. As much as I hate to say this, Snape is pretty powerful." Harry replied, matching Ron's long strides. "And he was really upset when she wanted to take away the wand."

"That was still a very difficult spell. To levitate a person around like that?" Hermione muttered, gazing at Snape. "And at his size?"

"He must still have some of his power." Ron added. "Enough to do that. Better be more careful around him- that means no spanking. I was hoping I'd get to spank him." His face fell.

Hermione's mouth fluttered furiously a few times before she could speak, "Ronald Weasley! Your not serious are you! Spanking a baby!!"

Ron waved his hand. "No- not a baby. Snape. Spanking Snape. A jolly good one too. Considered asking Mum for the family paddle."

"He's a baby!!" Hermione shrieked.

Ron shrugged. "Ya, got a point there. Damn. I was really looking forward to that."

Hermione stopped in front of the two of them. Anger etched in every line of her face. "I've got to go to the library, I want to read up on Aging potions to see if I can figure something out. So, if you two try anything with him…" her face drew conspiratorially closer, "I'll hex you both to spit out slugs."

Ron shivered as that unpleasant memory flowed through him. "Alright- best behavior. I promise."

Harry nodded vigorously. "Promise."

Hermione eyed them before turning around and making her way towards the library, her second home.

Ron turned towards Harry. "She's really starting to take a liking to him too. Isn't she?"

Harry shrugged. "After McGonagall, I'm starting to take a liking to him. At least like this. Well, don't want to wipe his arse again mind you."

Ron nodded. "Ya, I understand. Whose turn is it next anyway?"

"Yours."

"Bloody hell."

The smell of Trelawney's classroom made them both wince as the incense wafted around their faces. Ron unbuckled the carrier and removed Snape, glancing around the room for the playpen. "Where's that blasted thing at?" He mumbled.

Harry joined him and shrugged. "Don't see one. Let's just lay him on the table. Maybe we'll be able to get out of a reading."

"Alright." Ron replied before taking a seat, waiting for Harry to sit before depositing Snape on the table next to the crystal ball. Snape floundered about on his stomach for a few moments before spitting out the dummy. Harry and Ron glanced at each other.

"Better give him something else." Harry muttered.

Ron dug through the bag and withdrew a plastic hammer, which he passed along to Snape. Snape gladly snatched it and began to smack the table in front of him. It let out a squeak every time he bashed it down. "Destructive little bugger, ain't he?"

Harry nodded and soon the class began to fill with the other students who took their seats around the room. Parvati and Lavender threw wistful glances towards Snape, which he responded to with snarls.

The story of McGonagall's fate quickly fluttered through the room, and each student gazed at their own wands- considering whether to 'accidentally' deposit it next to Snape once Trelawney wandered out of whatever shadow she was hiding in.

It was no secret that Snape despised Trelawney even more than McGonagall. McGonagall he often fought with over Quidditch matches. Trelawney he hated just because she taught the most 'preposterous art of divination' which according to Snape was tantamount to a 'silly excuse to drink tea all day long and stare at your own image. Better to have been taught by that git Lockhart.' He had also informed them that Trelawney had predicted his own death daily for twelve years. 'Today will be a most horrible day for you Severus, I fear to say I have seen that you will be leaving us.' To which Snape usually waved his hand and stalked away muttering about crazy old hags wearing too much make-up and jewellery. Harry was glad he wasn't the only person to have been singled out.

Harry and Ron also hated Divination, although Harry had at one time witnessed the only occasion Trelawney had actually made a successful prediction.

Trelawney soon seeped into the room and gazed around at them with glazed eyes. Ron often whispered his suspicions to Harry that incense wasn't the only thing she burned before class.

"Welcome back my young seers." Trelawney hummed to them. "Today we are joined by one of my colleagues. I regret to say I tried to warn him before that the 26th of September would be the day a disaster would strike him." She sighed before continuing. "He, unfortunately, disregarded my warning and owled back to leave him alone. I am, of course, giving a censored version of his message. He also threatened to poison my stock of tea leaves." She shook her head sadly. "He has always been most un-appreciative of the inner eye. I- of course- knew he would not be able to full fill his threat."

Ron leaned closer to Harry. "I hope we aren't reading tea leaves today."

Harry nodded enthusiastically.

Trelawney continued. "We shall all be attempting to for-see our futures with chicken bones. Divination by casting bones is a very ancient art dating back to pre-Roman era. It is well known that the demise of Julius Caesar was foretold in the bones. He, too," she threw a glance at Snape, "was hesitant to take the warning of the Ides of March. We all know the result of that mistake."

She withdrew a purple velvet pouch and stepped towards the table set up in the middle of the room. She shook it a few times before throwing the contents on a table. Several of the bones rolled around or flipped before coming to a stand still. She gazed at them for a few moments before shaking her head. "I fear I have another prediction for Professor Snape."

Snape at that moment knocked the toy hammer into the crystal ball beside him. It let out a long squeak.

"Oh dear- I see more eminent disasters ahead of him. Here," She pointed to a wing bone which stood at a horizontal position to the skull, "this bone indicates a great struggle of the mind. I am aware that they are trying to find a way to reverse his situation." She studied the bones for a few more minutes. "I am afraid to inform you, Severus, that they will not be successful."

Squeak.

"Yes, most disappointing news, Severus. I know many here will sorely miss your knowledge with Potions."

Several of the students looked to each other and shook their heads. Snape smacked the hammer and snarled towards Trelawney.

"Now, before we all try to determine the fates- please pass in the assignment from our last class."

Ron sighed and pulled out his parchment. When Trelawney came to their table, she regarded the parchment for several moments. "Another unfortunate accident, Mr. Weasley." She lifted her eyebrow.

"The baby ate it." He pointed towards Snape. Trelawney gazed down at Snape for several moments, regarding the drool hanging from his mouth.

"Ah yes, much as I saw. I must admit- the site of Severus chewing on it from the clouds in my gaze confused me at the time. The things we view in the ball are often not clearly defined to the reader until they happen."

Ron rolled his eyes and she collected Harry's before moving on.

"Now, please pass these pouches along. Shake them in the same manner- and then attempt to read your destinies." She handed a box of pouches to Neville- who took one and sent it to the next person sitting beside him.

When Ron and Harry finally received their own, they each shook them violently. "C'mon lucky seven." Harry muttered to the bag. Ron gazed at him quizzically before they both let them loose onto the table.

Snape watched the bones bouncing around and smiled impishly. "Gaaaa." He cried out before reaching for the nearest one.

"Oh no you don't." Harry placed the hammer back into his hand. "Play with this instead."

"It's creepy how much he likes parts of dead things." Ron muttered. "Eyes, bones, tongues, livers, hearts."

Harry nodded as Snape began to beat the hammer onto the bones. Ron pulled out his book and flipped through it's pages. Soon he pointed to one of the bones on the table. "Upside down wish bone. Bad sign Harry old boy. You're going to have---" Snape had smacked the wishbone and it flipped right side up, "never mind. Now you're going to have a very large financial gain in your future. Hey Snape, hit mine too!"

And so it went for the duration of the class. Harry and Ron continued to read their bones- which Snape continued to hammer at and change their outcome- sometimes for the better. Mostly for the worse though. Ron even began a game to see who Snape decided should have the better life out of the two of them. To Ron's surprise, or lack there-of depending on how you look at it, Harry ended up being eternally doomed. Destined to die by either an enemy's hand- or a badger. At least- Ron thought it read badger.

"Never liked badgers anyway." Harry muttered.

Trelawney reached their table and gazed down at Harry's pile. "Oh dear." She muttered.

"Is it a badger?" Ron asked gleefully.

Trelawney shook her head. "No my dear boy, it is the Grim!" She clasped her hands in dread and leaned down closer to the table, her head now mere inches from Snape.

"Are you sure?" Ron asked, looking at it. "Swore it was a badger."

"Ya, don't you think the Grim is a little over used by now?" Harry asked. Just then Snape hit the bone beside it. Snape turned to Trelawney- smirk on his face.

"Oh dear. Now I'm afraid the reading is completely useless." She murmured dreamily. "I'll have to mark off points."

"What?? C'mon! We didn't do that!"

Trelawney shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry boys." Harry turned to take the hammer away from Snape when he noticed that Snape had dropped it and was eyeing something more fascinating to him. He kept reaching out towards Trelawney's ear. "Yes, bones are only done right with the first toss." She continued- oblivious to Snape's movements. A light shake of her head showed Harry what Snape was eyeing- a golden earring.

Harry remained very silent, but shouldered Ron and darted his eyes towards Snape.

Before Trelawney moved her head up, Snape's fingers had snatched her earring and began to tug. She grimaced in pain and instinctively moved her head closer to him. "Oww!" She gasped.

Snape continued to tug at it, trying with small amount of strength he had to remove the object from her. Trelawney quickly jerked her head back up. Unfortunately, the sudden movement caused the earring to tear out of her ear, and was left in Snape's hand. Her eyes watered as blood began to run down her neck.

"Professor Trelawney!" Parvati and Lavender cried out, rushing to get a tissue for her. The next instant Ron had frozen the end of it with an ice spell and handed it to her. She winced as she placed it against her ear.

"Class is dismissed." She muttered before going down the trap door and move off to the infirmary. But not before snatching her earring back from Snape.

"Guess the crystal ball didn't show her that." Ron whispered to Harry, who was hiding a smile behind his hand.

Hermione grinned at their tale of Trelawney's mishap as she fed Snape. Ron ducked as another sauce missle flew towards his head. "She should know better than to wear jewellery around a baby." Hermione stated as she thrust the spoon into Snape's mouth. Most of it ended up on the tray.

"No kidding. Anyone seen McGonagall?" He asked, taking a bite from his sandwich.

Neville leaned towards them. "McGonagall ended up digging that squirrel out of her hair for the rest of class. She was practically spitting nails."

Collin, who had hidden himself behind Angelina Johnson, nodded. "Trelawney's ear is better. I saw her as I left the infirmary."

"She didn't ban us from class." Ron said and frowned. He turned to Snape. "Try to make it the whole ear next time."

Snape swallowed some of the fruit.

"Don't encourage him Ron." Hermione smiled and winked. She also hated Trelawney.

"Did you find out anything?" Harry asked, motioning to the pile of books in front of her.

"Nothing yet." She replied. "OOoohhh! Look at the dragon Sevvy! It's coming down for a landing!" She sang, waving the spoon about before plopping it into his mouth.

"Better make that McGonagall." Ron remarked before he took a sip from his pumpkin juice.

Hermione pressed the pushchair forward as they walked towards Hagrid's hut where they would be having the Care of Magical Creatures class. The sun was shinning brightly despite the slight autumn chill in the air.

Hermione had dressed Snape in a white long-sleeved shirt covered by bright yellow overalls bearing a strange purple Dragon on the front that danced around. "Blarney the Dragon!" Ron had shouted in disgust.

Snape's head was covered with a yellow hat that had a fuzzy ball on the top. They had also given him a pair of boots to wear over his feet.

Ron and Harry had dissuaded her from attempting to put a tiny pair of mittens over his hands. Neither were able to take any more of Hermione's antics inspired by Snape's 'adorable attire.'

Snape himself was not very happy with the entire outfit. He kept trying to tug his hat off, but was unable to fully manage it. Hermione quietly tutted him with each attempt.

When they walked up towards the back of Hagrid's hut, they saw the half-giant leaning over several sets of crates. All three instantly flinched- wondering what kind of monsters Hagrid had in store for them today.

He continued to busy himself until he saw them approaching. He clasped his hands together in delight as he regarded the pushchair. "Is that the little tyke now!" He exclaimed, excitement beaming from his eyes.

Harry and Ron turned and smiled at each other. Hermione lifted Snape out of the pushchair and held him out for Hagrid to inspect.

He gazed at Snape for several minutes before shaking his head in wonder. "Looks just like 'emself don't he?! Look at those eyes! If they aren't the cutest things I ever seen in me life I'll eat Dumbledore's beard!" He held his arms out longingly. "Let me hold 'em Hermione."

Hermione regarded Hagrid for several moments. Clearly debating it in her head. They all knew Hagrid was a 'gentle-giant', but this was a baby Snape. And given the incidents with the other teachers- well- she just wasn't very certain. However, the way he kept hopping from one foot to the other made Hermione give in.

Hagrid took Snape and held him closely. "Aww! I never knew Professor! I never knew! I remember he was a fairly good kid when he was here all those years ago. Well, maybe a little off to himself."

"You knew Professor Snape when he was a student?" Ron asked incredulously. Hagrid nodded.

"Yep, I did Ron. Known yer dad too Harry. 'Course ya already knew that." He smiled at Harry before returning to Snape. "Let's sit on the bench o'er there. Discuss bits."

Harry regarded the rest of the students. "What about them?"

"Oh." Hagrid replied, clearly having forgotten this was his class in the excitement. "Right. You all! All ye gotta do is take the cubs out 'o the boxes and place them into their pens. Then feed 'em a bit 'o that meat o'er there. Careful now- they're teething."

"Aren't you going to show us how!!" Malfoy called back, inching away from one of the crates as it shook.

"It's pretty simple Mr. Malfoy! If yer worried about it, wear yer gloves!"

Malfoy visibly swallowed as he opened the crate. Harry heard him scream in terror. Draco then slowly backed away- ordering Crabbe and Goyle to take over as they all sat down.

"Um, Hagrid, what's in the crates?" Harry asked, eyeing the other students who were shaking out of their boots.

"Oh, just a few things I ordered from the Bestiary near Moonflow. Lucky we are to get 'em too. Centycores are hard beasts to get yer hands on this time 'o year. Won't be ready to talk for a while though." Harry watched with an open mouth as Crabbe and Goyle yanked one of the strangest creatures he had ever seen from the crate. It had the legs of a lion, hooves of a horse, elephantine ears, and a ten point antler sticking out of the middle of it's head. The thing which drew the most attention- however- was it's bear-like muzzle that had a huge mouth. "There ya are Goyle! Oh, watch the antler! Ah, they got it under control. Now, about Professor Snape when he came to school here."

Hagrid rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a few moments. Harry heard another student scream as one of the Centycores got out of his hands and charged. "Well, see now, he was a slight 'o a thing. Very quiet most of the time. Kept to 'imself. Knew loads about almost everythin' though. I used to catch 'em out at night picking various plants for one 'o his projects. Never 'ad the 'eart to turn 'im in." Hagrid glanced down at Snape who yawned. "Absolutely 'ated your father though Harry. Bit jealous I s'pose, James was the star Quidditch player at the time. Severus was a beater for Slytherin, but never got the same attention. He and Black also locked horns quite a few times. Nasty temper both of 'em."

"Snape played Quidditch!" Harry asked, astounded.

"Well sure he did 'arry." Hagrid replied. "He referees now sometimes when Hooch can't."

Harry nodded. That made sense. "Was he good?"

Hagrid nodded. "A bit on the mean side with the bat- if ye ask me. But no one could say he didn't deserve to be on the team. Kept the Bludgers off his people and sent 'em to the other teams. Fine player."

At that moment Snape's face contorted and he began to wail. Hagrid smiled down and motioned for the bag. Harry complied, and watched as the half-giant quickly mixed some formula together in a bottle and popped it into Snape's mouth.

"He just ate!" Hermione exclaimed. Hagrid shrugged his shoulders.

"They sometimes need a bit more, 'Mione. Growth spurts and all." Hagrid nodded. "Not too much though- or he will get an ache. Not good they are." Hagrid continued to feed him for a few minutes longer until he pulled the bottle away and placed it back in the bag. He then began to burp him.

"Maybe Snape should stay here with you." Ron added slyly. Hagrid turned to him as Snape let out a particularly long belch.

"Now Ron. This is your job. I'm just helping out a little. Wise man that Dumbledore." Hagrid nodded.

Harry looked up in time to see Draco strutting across the yard towards them. For a moment, Harry was worried that Draco would end up complaining he had his head bit off- or something more absurd. To his surprise however, he only stared at Hagrid (who was at eye-level with Malfoy standing while he remained sitting) for a few moments. "Hagrid-" Draco began. "Since I'm finished can I hold the Professor?"

Hermione leapt out of her seat and was about to tackle Malfoy for even suggesting it when Ron pulled her firmly back down. Harry eyed Draco suspiciously, but said nothing. Hagrid beamed. "Why sure ye can Draco!"

He happily handed Snape over to Draco- who took him awkwardly at first before adjusting Snape till he was facing him. Snape blinked at him a few times before smirking. Draco smirked back. It was a Slytherin moment that made Ron and Harry want to gag. "I see he's still in good health. Lucky for you Potter."

"What did you think I was going to do to him Draco? Toss him out the window?"

Still holding his Potions Master, Draco sat next to them on a stump which stuck out of the ground a foot. He placed Snape on his knee- still facing towards him. Draco continued to examine Snape's state of health.

"Had my doubts." Draco replied. "Parkinson has been pretty unhappy that Dumbledore placed him with the three of you. He should be with Slytherins where he belongs. Not with thickheaded Gryffindors."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Ya, then he'd just have to worry about getting stabbed in the back."

"Whatever Weasley. Point is, not a very smart thing of Dumbledore, then again--" Draco was about to continue when he caught the look of anger flash in Hagrid's eyes. "Oh, never mind. You know what I mean anyway."

Draco sighed at Snape. "Look at what they've done to you Professor. You were absolutely right about them."

Snape's cheeks bulged out for a moment and Draco tilted his blonde head to the side. "Maybe he's going to say something? Like get me out of that two-bit, flea ridden, Gryffindor hou--"

What remained of the formula was then promptly regurgitated from Snape's mouth onto Draco's face.

Draco blinked.

Snape blinked.

Then Draco practically threw Snape back to Hermione, stood up, and turned on his heel- not even bothering to strut as he ran for the infirmary. Wiping his face and cursing the entire way.

The entire class burst into laughter. Even Crabbe and Goyle joined in.

"Guess you were right 'Mione." Hagrid howled. "It was a little too much!"

Authors Notes: ^.- Ok, had some troubles with this chapter. How does one adequately describe the site of primp and strict McGonagall zooming around the room? Or Draco getting puked on (Special thanks to Kerguelen who suggested Snape 'spitting up' if the Boys overfed him. I thought it would be more humorous if it happened to Draco)?

Well, hope this fic is still making you chortle, chuckle, and laugh. Reviews make it all worth my time *hint hint--wink wink*. Thanks to everyone who continues to point out my errors. I admit, I forgot about Dean. He'll have to *magically* appear in the next Common Room scene. Also thanks to all who quote fave lines and scenes. I like to know what made you all laugh ^.- I do aim to please.

To Risi: I hope that you feel better soon!

Padfoot Rocks: Asked if I wrote Peppy the Happy Puppy or took it from a book- I wrote it. Not the finest piece of literature I've ever done, but then again it wasn't supposed to be :D

To Katzztar: Why didn't they use the repairo charm? I forgot about it. *sweat drop* Erm..no you don't want to hear that- you want to hear- because it adds to the story, right? Um…ya…

To Fyrie: … Nappies and Dumbies? I had no idea. So you all know, I'm from the US. I do the best with British (and Irish) slang I can, but ultimately fail. I've enlisted the help of a British Beta Reader, hopefully that will help out with some of the terminology.

As to Nicolette who suggested I do some Snape POV-- I took that under heavy consideration, but honestly a baby doesn't really seem to have too many coherent thoughts to adequately do that. It would be like… "I'm hungry….I have to go potty….I have to burp….I have to play…Oooo shiney thingy…." and so forth. Although- I'll admit, Snape seems to have hidden agendas at times (ie making Ron's life rough, smirking at Draco). But only as much as his baby self will allow. There will be time for horrified and humiliating introspection when he turns back. Sorry Severus…I do love you…honestly….

Special Shout out to all who offered to Beta Read for me!! So hard deciding! I just picked the first that e-mailed. I'm so very honored this story makes you all crack up ^.-

Next Chapter: That startling revelation I mentioned before about Snape. (No- him playing Quidditch wasn't it). Couldn't fit everything I wanted to in this chapter. Also, we find out who is replacing Snape to teach Potions. Didn't think I forgot that did ya? A little hint:

I solemnly swear I am up to no good!

OK, that was a big hint…