Three Gryffindors and A Baby

by Celeste

An accident in Potions-where else?-turns Snape into an infant. Dumbledore in his glorious wisdom, and because it makes a nice plot, leaves him in the care of Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

8. One Tail of A Tattletale

Three Gryffindors and A Baby

::celeste::

Fanmail to celestialsilence@mchsi.com

Disclaimerness: I don't own Harry Potter (duh) that honor belongs to Rowling, the genius that she is. I'm just borrowing her people and locking them in little cages for my (and your?) amusement. I promise to give them back relatively unharmed. Well, Snape may need some serious counseling after this. Anyhoo I make not one penny off this story, and I don't even have a penny so it's quite pointless to sue. Thanks.

Summary: An accident in Potions (where else?) turns Snape into an infant. Dumbledore in his glorious wisdom (and because it makes a nice plot) leaves him in the care of Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Dedication: To Kayla, my cousin Rhonda's daughter, who is the most adorable little thing alive. And yes, I am a bit biased about that ^.^ Also to Rowling- hoping her current pregnancy is a wonderful experience.

Special Thanks: My eternal gratitude to Rhonda Amos- special beta who did a great job. Without all the help, this thing would be overridden with errors. Also to the reviewers, who make it all worth my while.

Note: I've started a new site to hold all my Snape-ish stuff, since there is a lot of it. If you would like to visit and leave a message for me in the Tag Board, or check out some of the Snape-ish games, that would be cool :D You'll also get Fanfic Picks and other fun stuff. http://www.animegirlz.com/potions

Warning: There is a bit of animal cruelty in this. No animals were harmed in the actual writing of this fanfic- however- so please don't hunt me down. I would never hurt the cute furry ones! I love em! Just not Mrs. Norris.

Chapter 8

One Tail of A Tattletale

Cats. Dozens of them. Everywhere.

Sirius Black tried to reign in his more dog-like traits as he sat on the oversized sofa. A gargantuan Tom Cat regarded him silently with one open eye from the armrest, his yellow-striped tail twitching from side to side. Was this one her familiar, or were they all her familiars?

The woman herself was sipping a cup of tea and browsing through her photo album. Not an album filled with pictures of family or friends, which would be understandable, but one filled with more cats. Sirius supposed he should be grateful this was a place safe from Dementors coming after him. Although, he was hard pressed to think of any other place he'd rather not be.

He tried to remind himself that this was all for Harry.

"And this was Mr. Norris. Oh, you should have seen the old boy." Fig lifted the album and showed him the image of a very large white cat, who even within the wizard picture, was simply laying on the floor, unmoving. "Bit lazy but heart of gold." She finished, sniffing slightly.

"Ah- very handsome gent," Black replied uneasily. He glanced around, taking in the cats that lounged on every piece of furniture. There was even a black one perched atop the grandfather clock. He took another gulp of tea, grateful for the fact that he wasn't allergic.

Mrs. Figg nodded. "He was, poor thing. Ran over by one of those horrible Muggle automobiles." She ran a finger quickly across the corner of her eye. Black was horrified to see she was crying. Suddenly she straightened and gave him a sad smile. "Oh- where are my manners? Biscuit dear?"

"Er- no that's alright." Black muttered, grimacing slightly as another cat jumped next to him on the sofa. "I can't stay long, afraid this visit is all about business."

"I see." Figg nodded and closed the album, placing it off to the side. "Is there some problem at Hogwarts, dear?"

"I'm sure you've seen the reports in the Daily Prophet? Those concerning Professor Snape?" Black replied, taking another sip.

Figg's silver eyebrows pinched together at the name of the former Death Eater. "I have," she said, her voice clipped and very harsh.

Black nodded and set the china on the coffee table before him, a few inches away from a slumbering Persian. "Well, seems his condition is improved slightly-"

"How unfortunate." She snipped.

"Er…" Black blinked in surprise a few times before allowing a small smile. "Yes. There we are in agreement."

"I always knew you weren't guilty- my boy. Gut instinct, you know. And while I was at work I had seen Pettigrew speaking to Mr. Malfoy on occasion. Very unusual for a Gryffindor to associate himself with a Slytherin whom everyone knew was a supporter." Figg said, leaning over to pat his hand with her own heavily wrinkled one. Then she drew back into her seat and her expression darkened. "If there was any Death Eater more horrible than Lucius Malfoy it was Snape. I was the one often recovering his victims, you know- far before he ever pleaded with Albus. He treated those people as little more than experiments. It was inhuman." Her eyes clouded at the memory, and her mouth turned into a thin line.

"Snape's always been cold and uncaring," Black stated, nodding his head. "Walking around as if he were better than the rest of us. I can't see why Dumbledore would even think of letting him around kids."

"Because Snape is the most ruthless and calculating Slytherin since Salazar himself. All our other spies failed to infiltrate Voldemort's circle. Albus truly had no choice but to trust Snape- although Albus assures me that his desire for redemption is sincere." Figg sniffed the air contemptuously. "I have my doubts."

"Well, you won't hear me defending the greasy git," Black added, feeling the old hatred bubbling to the surface.

"Since Albus is on his side, he needs no one else to support him. Although, I often wonder if he truly is working for Albus, or if he is still under You Know Who's control. I think he's a playing for both teams- waiting to see who comes out the winner in all this," Figg added, taking another sip.

Black nodded. "That sounds more like the Snape I knew. Damn everyone else if his own hide is safe."

"Yes. He and Malfoy share that in common. Either would sacrifice their own mothers to be kept safe." She sighed and refilled Black's cup. "But, we digress. What did you want to see me about?"

"Snape is speaking again, and he muttered something that has Lupin wondering what it is," Black replied.

"Well?" Figg asked, holding her cup in mid-motion.

"Ba phuy." Black replied. "Bit of a mess of baby jargon."

"Ba phuy?" Figg muttered to herself. "Hm. Very peculiar."

"Mhm." Black responded- warily eyeing the cat trying to seat itself on his lap wearily.

"You know, babies will often shorten words that are too difficult to pronounce. Leave off consonants at the end." Figg stated after a few moments. "Ba could be bottle. Phuy? Hm. No, that doesn't make any sense- does it?"

"Nothing he says or does make sense." Black muttered.

"Now, now, Mr. Black- we mustn't take that attitude." Figg admonished. She tapped her finger against her chin. "My darling little niece used to say ba instead of bad."

"Bad phuy?" Black shook his head. "That makes even less sense."

"Well either way it's speculation." Figg replied, nibbling on a biscuit. "We must consider this from Snape's perspective. What would be so urgent to communicate?"

Black shrugged. "Whatever he didn't have a chance to report."

"Exactly." Figg stated. "Now, I know that initiations are at the end of this year. Albus was pushing Snape very hard to keep as many students as he could from entering the ranks."

"Do you think this has something to do with that?" Black asked, his eyebrows raised.

"It may, or it could just be Snape asking for his favorite toy."

"Well, who are the kids at risk?" Black questioned, leaning forward on the sofa.

"Snape wouldn't say. He was very adamant about that. He claimed that until they actually received the Dark Mark- he would not incriminate them." Figg answered, her distaste for such a decision marring her features. "He refused to tell either myself or Moody anything. Even Albus is not sure." Figg leaned towards him. "But there is a list."

"How do you know?"

"Moody." Figg smirked. "Constant vigilance- remember? He convinced Snape that in the event of his death we had to have access to the knowledge. So Snape grudgingly agreed to keep detailed records of the suspected students- and all his meetings with the Death Eaters- in his journal. It would immediately go to Dumbledore in the event of his 'untimely demise' as he put it. Knowing Snape's rampant paranoia, it's doubtlessly charmed to only open for himself- until his death when the charm would switch to Dumbledore."

Black sat back and smiled. "Find the journal, and we'll have our answer."

"But Snape isn't dead," Figg pointed out. "Merely- incapacitated. And hardly in a position to show it to anyone."

Black felt the smile melt away.

"YOU LOST HIM!" Hermione screeched at Harry and Ron- who looked very uncomfortable. She slammed the door to her room shut in their faces and Ron and Harry glanced guiltily at each other. The invisibility cloak was draped over one of Harry's arms and he sighed with Ron.

"It's ok, Hermione." Harry said through the door. "Ron and I have a contingency plan for this."

"Yeah- we thought of it the first time we lost him," Ron added.

The door flew open to reveal a seething Hermione, now dressed in her Hogwarts uniform instead of her pajamas. "The first time?!"

"Shh- it's the middle of the night." Harry murmured, before grabbing her arm and dragging her from the room. "Look."

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small bit of parchment. Ron smiled as relief flooded Hermione's features. "Thank goodness." She whispered.

Harry took his wand and uttered, "we solemnly swear we are up to no good," before tapping his wand against the parchment. It blinked to life and Harry tapped it once again. "Show me where Professor Snape is at."

A black dot labeled Snape appeared a few levels away from the Tower- down in the Dungeons.

"How did the tiny bloke get all the way down there?" Ron muttered aloud.

"Who knows," Harry replied. He began walking down the steps and into the empty Common Room. "OK. We'll just follow the map and grab Snape." He threw the invisibility cloak over their heads. There was a brief pause while the three situated themselves so that the cloak completely covered him.

"Do you think he's in the Potions Classroom?" Hermione asked softly as Ron yanked open the Portrait door.

"No, this isn't the classroom." Harry replied just as quietly. "I hope he's not in Slytherin's Common room. That's the last place I want to have to go."

"No kidding." Ron replied as the three swept through the tower halls- moving for the staircases. "I'm not getting into a duel over Snape."

The three made their way with as much speed as they could down the staircases (Harry sure to avoid the trick stair) and soon found themselves inching through the Dungeons. There was no light- and they had to depend on the outline of the walls and the three dots on the map to guide them.

They passed the Potions Classroom and Snape's offices. The Slytherin dormitories were beyond, and the grew increasingly worried. Suddenly- still a bit off from the entrance- the black dot labeled 'Snape' was show extremely close by, separated from them by a stone wall to the right.

"Must be a trick wall." Ron whispered as they flung the cloak off.

Harry nodded and began running his hands over the stones. "Strange." He replied.

Hermione took the map from him and tapped it with her wand. "How do we get through?"

The map blinked out for a moment, before writing appeared.

Fred advises you to keep far away from that place. Unless you want to get caught.

Hermione blinked in surprise. Fred and George Weasley, Ron's older twin brothers and previous keepers of the Marauder's map. They must have imprinted their own discoveries and updated the old magical parchment.

"What's beyond it?" Hermione asked the parchment.

George and I would rather not say.

Terribly frightful place.

Bad memories.

Gray nightshirts.

The parchment shivered.

"Well, of all the-" Hermione hissed and handed the parchment over to Ron. "You talk to them."

Ron sighed and tapped the parchment with his wand. "Ron, your brother, asks you to tell us how to get in."

Don't want to go there, Ron. Worse than walking in on mum and dad.

"Don't remind me." Ron whispered, his face going white with the memory.

Trust your elders. No good can come of going in there.

"Look, if you don't say how to get in- I'll tell Mum how the toilet overflowed." Ron hissed.

Alright, but don't say we didn't warn you. Third stone from the floor, the one with a huge chip. Just tap it with your shoe.

"Luminos." Ron said, pointing his wand towards the floor. In a few moments, he spotted the stone they were talking about. He kicked his foot out lightly- and tapped the stone with the toe of his boot.

A section of the wall disappeared in a flicker, leaving a large black door in its place. In the middle was the Slytherin shield in Silver. The snake upon the shield, which at first looked inanimate, slowly turned its head and glared at them with emerald eyes. The three Gryffindors blinked in surprise.

Now you've done it. He's in there you know.

Not going to be happy- disturbing his sleep.

"Oh shut up. Mischief managed." Ron tapped the parchment again and wiped the words away.

Harry gulped and reached for the handle. The Snake's eyes narrowed, but it didn't do anything else. Harry turned the knob, hoping that Snape was going to be alright. The knob refused to budge.

"Locked." Harry whispered to the others.

Hermione pointed her wand at it. "Alohamora."

The Snake shook it's head. "Hisssssss"

"What did it say?" Ron whispered, taking a step back.

"Simple unlocking spells don't work on it." Harry answered, tilting his head at the Snake. "We need the password if we're going in uninvited."

"Invited by what?" Ron asked, shivering slightly.

"We've got to get in there, Harry! Snape's in there!" Hermione said with urgency.

Harry nodded and hissed something to the Snake in Parseltongue. The Snake shook its head and hissed back. Harry hissed something again in reply, and the Snake examined the other two before hissing again.

"What in the world are you two discussing? The weather?" Ron asked- obviously still uneasy.

Harry sighed and turned to them. "I told him that we had to go in and retrieve Snape. He asked for the purpose, and I told him we were entrusted to keep him safe. The snake said that he's safer in there than any part of the castle."

"Well, we still need to get him." Hermione told the snake matter-of-factly. "We'll wake up the Headmaster if we have to."

The snake shook its head. "Passss word."

Hermione gave the snake her own glare. "I know more than just 'simple' unlocking spells you know."

Hisssssssss.

Harry paled. "Uh- you don't wanna know." He answered when Hermione looked for a translation.

"Let's just figure out the password, then." Ron said when Hermione began turning a shade of red with her fury. The Weasley thought for several seconds. "What was the one Draco used in second year? Pureblood?"

The Snake shook its head.

"Right then. Um, Slytherin?"

Another shake.

"Salazar?"

Another shake.

It went on like that for another ten minutes. Finally the trio were all leaning against the wall and just shooting out random phrases or words. "Dungeons? Elf? Socks? Rumpelstiltskin?"

Ron threw up his arms in exasperation. "Could you give us a hint?"

"Wait- maybe it already did." Hermione said- sitting up. It was clear from the look in her eyes that the figurative light bulb had been turned on. "The snake said he's safer in there than any other part of the castle- right?"

"Yeah." Harry replied, his brow furrowed. He wasn't following her.

Hermione hopped to her feet and looked down at them with a smirk. "And what is a place of refuge called?"

They gave her blank looks.

Hermione turned to the snake and folded her arms. "Sanctuary."

The snake nodded and the sound of a click floated through the air.

"Brilliant Hermione!" Ron exclaimed as he stood up.

Harry hesitated before turning the handle. "But- you guys- if this is a sanctuary then why are Fred and George so terrified of it?" After the Chamber of Secrets, Harry was a little skeptical of any hidden areas protected by snakes.

"And who has to invite us in?" Ron said before gulping and taking out his wand.

Hermione retrieved her own wand and kept it trained ahead of her. "Guess we'll find out. Go on Harry, we've got to get Severus."

The Boy Who Lived nodded and, with a deep breath, opened the door.

In a different part of the castle, Remus Lupin watched as his long time friend crossed back and forth on the rug furnishing his living room. The Professor smiled to himself at the thought of Sirius causing a well-worn path in it by his pacing.

Sirius suddenly sighed and plopped unceremoniously next to him on the couch. "Why does one woman need so many cats?"

"Loneliness I would think." Lupin commented before picking up another essay to grade.

Sirius snorted in amusement. "I thought people got dogs for that."

"It's why I've kept you around so long." Lupin agreed with a smile as he noted a suggestion in the margin.

"We need to get hold of that journal." Sirius suddenly announced, gripping the armrest tightly. "There could be a hundred little Death Eaters running around and we'd have no clue."

"I doubt that's the case Sirius." Lupin stated as his quill scratched against the parchment. "Severus would never let so many of the children fall down that path."

"No- he'd shove them all." Black snarled in retort. "He doesn't give a damn about the kids, Remus. You've seen how he treats them. The Longbottom boy is so frightened I can still smell the fear even after he's left the room."

Lupin sighed and laid the quill and the rest of the papers onto the table. With an aura of serenity that always seemed around him (except when it was too near to the full moon) he carefully regarded Black. "You don't really think that- do you Sirius?"

"I don't trust him." Black replied, folding his arms. "He's just-- creepy. Always has been. And so damned cold. I don't think he cares about anything but himself."

"He cared about some things," Lupin stated- purposefully obscure.

Black grimaced. "Well, Lily just had that effect on everybody."

Lupin nodded, the familiar sorrow at Lilly's absence still pressing, even after a decade. "She did."

"Besides, he should have known Lily would never have wanted him. It was a mockery to even think it." Black pointed out, locking his jaw. The subject always made him irritable. Doubtlessly always would. "She was lively, outgoing, and kind. Complete opposite of that git."

"You know what some say about opposites." Lupin pointed out with a smirk. At Black's infuriated look, Lupin sighed and switched tracks. "Sirius- why was it easy for you to give her up to James?"

Sirius blinked a few times before sighing. "Because they made each other so happy." He stated easily. "And they were both my friends. Especially James." He added softly.

"So it was just convenient to pin your misery at loosing Lily to James on Snape?" Lupin prodded. "The creepy guy who had nobody? Rather than risk loosing James and Lily?"

"Shut up Remus." Black growled. "It wasn't like that at all."

"I think it was." Lupin replied, standing and moving towards the bookshelf. "You really need to get over this hatred of Snape. He's doing what he can. We're on the same side."

"Bullocks." Black retorted, folding his arms in a manner that reminded Lupin of a scolded four-year-old. "How do you know he isn't playing for both teams? Figg and Moody think he is."

"Figg and Moody are both used to seeing the worst in people." Lupin replied. "I'll agree that Snape isn't the nicest man I've ever met, and that he is definitely not all peaches and cream. I'll also admit that I don't like him personally. He's cunning, short tempered, and judgmental. But I will tell you this- I believe him. But, more importantly, Dumbledore believes him, and at the end of the day that's what matters."

Lupin selected a book from the shelf and handed it over to Black.

Black lifted his eyebrow as he regarded it. "What's this?"

"Read it." Lupin replied.

"It's not-"

Lupin shook his head. "No, it's not the journal."

Black opened the book up and started rummaging through the pages. "It's poetry. I hate poetry."

Lupin smiled sadly. "It's Lily's poetry."

"Oh." Black replied softly, going back to the first page and regarding it with fondness. "Well- why give it to me?"

"I'm not giving it to you, Sirius." Lupin corrected. "I'm lending it. When Harry turns sixteen it's going to him. I think he should be a little older before he looks through it. Some of those are very private, to be honest. The same one's you need to examine to understand-"

"BLOODY HELL!" Sirius screeched as he got to the third one. Lupin winced. "SNAPE?!"

"Sirius…" Lupin warned. "It's not our place to judge."

"But! But! His eyes are lit with a midnight fire, burning my soul with a forbidden heat?! What the hell???!!"

Lupin couldn't help but smirk at the expression on Black's face. Like he had just smelled something terribly repulsive.

Lupin had been a bit shocked the first time he read it, but also thought it very touching. Lily and Snape never actually had a romantic relationship, due mostly to their houses and their friends, but it was clear that she had, at one time, wanted one. And from what Dumbledore had told Lupin, Snape never stopped wanting the same.

And, although the crafty old Wizard would never say the reason Snape had came to him for help- Lupin had strong suspicions as to why the change of heart.

Snape was Lily's friend right to the very end. And for that alone, Lupin trusted him. He had even honored Dumbledore's request about keeping Black a secret. Snape would not betray any of them.

Unlike some other former friends he could think of.

Black shut the book, after reading a few other poems, with an expression of horror on his features. "I'll be damned."

"You might." Lupin replied with cheer. "But she did have a nice stanza about your- shall we say- prowess as well?"

Black snickered. "Oh, I would have given her so much crap over that."

Both men's features fell slightly- realizing they couldn't.

Black cleared his throat. "Right then. You should give this to Harry." He sat the book on the table. "He would probably get a right kick out of it."

"I don't know." Lupin replied, eyeing the book thoughtfully. "Might be a bit more information than Harry can handle."

"Well- he certainly doesn't need to know what his mum thought of my bum. But, that is the price of knowledge." Sirius smiled rather-- wolfishly-- before continuing. "And there is some really touching stuff about James. I think Harry would like to read those."

"What about the Snape issue?" Lupin asked, trying to sound casual.

Black's face darkened a bit, but then he sighed. "Well- that's really up to the Git, I suppose. But, on the other side, these are Lily's thoughts." Black shrugged. "I don't know, Remus. I'd just give it to Harry. He needs something to connect himself to them."

Lupin nodded. "You're right."

"Of course I am." Black stated as if that was obvious. Lupin merely smiled benignly. "I still don't like Snape- mind you- but I suppose I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Till he proves he really is a back stabbing wanker. Then I'll kill him."

"That's the spirit!" Lupin said brightly. "After all, we have other problems to worry about- other than old feuds. Like finding a way to get Snape's 'voice of a dark god whom whispers temptation' back to normal."

Black winced. "I think I'm scarred for life."

The hidden room down inside the Dungeons was in complete darkness as the door slowly creaked open. The trio lit their wands and peered at the soft shapes slowly taking shape under the soft blue glow, warily waiting for something to attack.

When nothing outright assailed them, they all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The room was a bit smaller than the Gryffindor common room, but did appear to serve as some sort of sitting area. Harry could make out the leather sofa situated in front of a fire place. Next to it was a large armchair, which was angled slightly.

Hermione advanced to the grate and after a few whispered words, fire leapt from her wand and onto the wood. The fireplace roared to life, lending much more light to the room.

Bookshelves were everywhere along the walls- and brimming with leather tomes. Hermione's mouth dropped open and she temporarily forgot the reason for their visit. "Oh- this is wonderful!" She breathed with awe. He hands were already running themselves along the spines, appreciation emanating from her slender frame.

Ron and Harry were more impressed by the lavish décor. There was a definite aura of culture and refinement about the room. The walls were painted in dark green, the same shade as the warm carpet beneath their feet. Several expensive antiquities served to make it look less sparse, and a large mahogany desk (covered in neatly arranged stacks of papers) was sitting on the other side across from them next to a second door.

Harry found himself wondering who had originally decorated the room.

He snapped himself out of the trance and gazed at the floors. "Where's Snape?"

"Maybe in another room?" Ron answered, passing Hermione and approaching the second door. It was partially open and his head disappeared for a moment, followed by a flickering light from within the other room. "There you are! Wake up, you sneaky scoundrel."

Harry heard the muffled reply. "Weezy!"

Hermione's head snapped over to where Ron was standing and she quickly strode over to join him. Ron proceeded her into the room, and Hermione's eyes widened as she got an unobstructed view. "Wow- Harry come look at this!"

Harry obeyed and soon found himself gazing into the largest bedroom he had ever seen in his life. Not to mention the largest four poster bed in the entire world. The velvet green drapings were open, and revealed the tiny Professor sitting upright in the center of the huge bed. A bed that could easily accommodate six adults with more than enough room.

A tall armoire was directly across the open door, and Ron had pulled it open. "Oh-- Merlin's teeth-"

"What?" Hermione asked, already making her way to Snape.

"Take a look." Ron answered, looking very green in the face. "I think I know who lives here."

Harry strode over and peered into the open furnishing.

Black robes- dozens of them- were all hanging without a hanger, doubtlessly due to the cleaver use of a levitation charm. Robes that Harry had seen every day for most of his life at Hogwarts. Robes which, in motion, always billowed with menace.

"Snape." He stated. "These are Snape's quarters."

Hermione whirled around and tilted her head. "You sure?"

"Pretty sure." Ron answered, taking one of the hanging robes. He threw them around his figure, and noticed the good foot or so of fabric which dragged on the floor. He crossed his arms over his chest and did his best 'Snape glare' at the others. "You two had better have a good excuse for traipsing into my bedroom without knocking. Some would call this-" here Ron 'swooped' over in front of Harry and drew closer with narrowing eyes, "an invasion of privacy, Mr. Potter."

Harry couldn't help but grin widely at his friend. "Never knew you did impressions of Snape."

Ron shrugged and dropped his arms to the side. "Fred and George think it's hilarious."

"Well- I don't." Hermione stated as she got onto the bed and crawled towards Snape. "I think it's terribly immature. Not to mention rude."

"Miss Granger!" Ron suddenly snapped towards Hermione. "Kindly stop crawling about my bed. It is most unseemly- people could get the wrong impression."

"Shut up, Ron." Hermione hissed through her clenched teeth.

Snape shied away from her hand as she reached out for him. Harry saw that he still had his doll clenched tightly against his body.

And, amazingly, he was sucking on his thumb.

Harry shook his head, trying to banish away the image, knowing that if he pictured it in future classes he would likely burst into laughter. And that would result in heavy point losses for Gryffindor. "Say," Harry began, "how'd he get up there, anyway?"

"Who knows." Ron answered as he examined the robe he still wore. "Hey, this thing has, like, fifty hidden pockets. Wicked."

Ron turned back to the wardrobe and started shuffling around its contents. Hermione turned around and huffed at him. "Ronald Weasley!" She scolded. "That is definitely an invasion of privacy!"

"Just curious." Ron answered. He reached onto the upper shelf and lifted an eyebrow. "Something weird up here."

"Well leave it be." Hermione snapped.

"Hm- feels cold." Ron said, ignoring Hermione. He latched onto the item and withdrew his arm.

Once the object was revealed, he promptly dropped it to the floor as if it had burned his hand. "Merlin!"

Laying on the floor, was the shining silver mask of a Death Eater.

"Ok, that's enough." Harry said, shaking slightly as he picked it up off the floor. He threw it back onto the shelf and shuddered. "No more poking around in the Professor's closet."

"No kidding." Ron breathed, his face terribly pale.

Hermione had managed to snatch Snape and was now making her way back across the giant bed. "Serves you right, Ron." She said, her voice also shaking slightly. It was a rude reminder that Snape wasn't truly an innocent babe. She reached the edge of the mattress and stood on the floor, her Professor tightly in her grip and still sucking his thumb.

"Let's get out of here." Harry suggested, walking through the door to the sitting room. "This isn't someplace to be hanging around."

Ron followed, still wearing Snape's robe, and the three exited to the sitting room. Hermione paused in front of the bookshelves with Snape.

"I wonder." She whispered, her eyes grazing the titles.

"Oh- come on Hermione!" Ron said- exasperated. "You were the one saying not to snoop through his stuff."

"But there are books on Potions here not in Hogwart's library." She answered stiffly. "Not to mention stuff in the Restricted section. Give me a few minutes to look through them. I may find something to help."

"Yeah- and probably half of them are on the Dark Arts." Ron pointed out. "Stuff you shouldn't be looking through."

Hermione nodded absently. "Yes, there are quite a few on that."

Ron shook his head. "You AREN'T taking any of those." He said. "They're not safe. And would probably get you expelled."

"No- I wouldn't take any of those." Hermione agreed, still with that far away voice. "Oh- here's one on Animangi." She gazed down at the baby in her arms. "Are you an animangus Professor?"

Snape just looked up with a sleepy expression.

"Guess your not in a position to say." Hermione muttered before placing him on the floor. "Keep him away from the fire. I'm going to see what I can take with us."

Harry and Ron exchanged a knowing look and sighed. Ron walked back to the door and closed it- best not to risk a Slytherin finding out they were in their Head of House's rooms. Then went and plopped onto the leather sofa.

Harry looked around, and spotted a chess set on the desk. "Hey Ron, want to play a game?"

"Hm?" Ron asked, lifting his head. Harry pointed to the set on the desk. Ron's face scrunched distastefully. "Are you kidding? Chess sets have personalities like their owners. I don't want to sit and be insulted the whole game."

Harry shrugged and picked up the Professor, taking him over to the desk and setting him on top. He then sat in the large leather chair and looked at the papers stacked on top. Snape simply continued to suck his thumb and play with his werewolf doll.

Harry gently moved him from the top of the desk to his lap, and when he was satisfied Snape would stay he turned his attention to the stack of parchment. Taking the top one, he scanned it quickly. "Hey." He stated to the others. "Here's our test results from two weeks ago. The ones we never got back."

"What did I get?" Ron asked as he continued to rummage through the folds of Snape's robe.

Harry flicked through the papers, until finally finding Ron's. He pulled it out and winced at all the red ink on the parchment. A large twenty one was written at the top. "Twenty one." Harry answered sympathetically.

"What?!" Ron exclaimed- his head jerking to the side. He glared at Snape. "You biased little Slytherin worm!"

Snape smirked as he continued to make his werewolf 'prance'. "Iythut."

"I am not an idiot!" Ron shouted back. "You are!"

"Nuh." Snape replied. "Weezyz sthupa."

Harry cleared his throat and decided to read some more 'sensible' comments from Snape on the matter. "'Mr. Weasley, your grasp of the Jobberknoll feathers in memory potions makes me wonder why I bother to waste time in this profession at all. Obviously nothing I have said during lecture in the past has gotten through that helmet of red hair. Perhaps it would be better if you attempted to learn through osmosis- strapping the potions text to your face and hoping the words would seep into your brain. Otherwise I'm afraid that your chances of passing this class are next to non existent.'"

Harry risked a peek at his friend's quickly reddening face. He swallowed a bit before continuing.

"'While it is true that Jobberknoll feathers are, how did you put it, ah yes- 'a bit willy' when combined with porcupine quills, I feel that I must point out that there are several other ingredients one may use to balance the 'willy' effects out. None of which you listed. Therefore- I had to disregard your entire argument.'"

"You-- bastard!" Ron hissed at the baby.

"'Although I did find your colorful illustration of proper stirring techniques rather entertaining, this is not a sketch class Mr. Weasley. Consequently, this entire waste of parchment does not meet the required length of the assignment. I'm afraid five points will have to be deducted from Gryffindor for this. SS.'"

Ron's mouth dropped open, and then promptly shut. "I hate you." He whispered, turning back to the fire.

Snape smirked and continued to teeth into the doll.

"How did I do, Harry?" Hermione asked from the bookshelf. Harry looked over and saw a stack ten books high and winced at the thought of carrying everything under the cloak.

"Hold on, I'll grab it." Harry replied and again flipped through the parchment. He found Hermione's near the bottom and lifted an eyebrow. "Looks like it was one of the first he graded."

Ron snorted.

Harry gingerly removed it and smiled at the ninety-nine up top. "You got a ninety-nine Hermione! Great job!"

Hermione and Ron both startled and -simultaneously- shouted.

"He actually said great job!"

"Only a ninety-nine! What did I miss?!"

Harry blinked and shook his head at Ron. "No, I said great job." He then regarded Hermione. "Hermione- Snape is the most demanding professor in the entire school. You should be happy."

"Happy?! He ALWAYS finds something to take off. Last time it was for a T that, he claimed, looked like an L. He knew very well it was a T. It was clearly crossed." Hermione retorted.

Harry turned to the parchment and read the note next to the grade.

"'Miss Granger, since I am sure you will come up to me after class to argue that you, in fact, deserve a perfect score- let me remind you before hand that my grading is NON-NEGOTIABLE. That out of the way, I will say you have demonstrated adequate knowledge of the Jobberknoll feather. However, you forgot to dot an I in the word stir. I have taken the liberty of circling the word for you, so that you may easily examine your error over and over again as you will doubtlessly do. No need to thank me, Miss Granger, for helping to correct your mistake. All part of my required role in assisting you to become the perfect little miss know-it-all witch you strive to be. SS.'"

When Harry finished all three pairs of eyes turned to glare at the baby on the desk. Said baby simply stared unconcerned in return.

"Bastard." Ron whispered again.

Harry had to agree. That was a pretty lame excuse for giving Hermione a score of ninety-nine.

She 'harrumphed' and turned back to the shelf. "You better be grateful I strive so hard, Professor." She muttered angrily. "Not dotting my I."

Harry laid the parchment to the side and went through the stack in search of his own paper. On the way, he spied Draco's. "A perfect score?!"

"Huh?" Ron looked up from his seat and Hermione turned in question- a very fuming look on her face.

"Draco got a perfect score." Harry stated as he pulled the parchment out.

Ron and Hermione both snorted. "Of course he did." Ron stated. "He's the Professor's little arse kisser."

"Mr. Malfoy-"

But before Harry could read the note of glowing praise which caused his eyes to boggle slightly- Snape's tiny voice interrupted him.

"BA PHUY!" He screeched. "BA BA BA PHUY!"

Harry dropped the parchment in astonishment, and gazed at Snape. "Ba phuy?"

Snape nodded fiercely and reached his chubby hand out for Draco's essay. "Ba phuy!!"

"OF COURSE!" Hermione squealed in delight as she ran over to Snape. "Malfoy! Bad Malfoy!"

Snape nodded and smiled widely at Hermione. "Ba phuy!"

Harry blinked in surprise. "Oh ya."

"But, Malfoy did good." Ron pointed out.

"No- Snape's not referring to the tests Ron." Hermione snapped. "He's talking about Malfoy in general."

Snape shook his head.

"Or not." Hermione corrected with a frown. "How has Malfoy been bad, Professor?"

Snape attempted to lean over the edge of the armrest of the leather chair they were both seated in. Harry held out his hands to grab Snape when he got close to the edge, but Hermione shook her head. "He's doing something."

Snape then stretched his tiny arms out as far as he could, and managed to grab a hold of a part of the desk. It was a great struggle for him to pull on it. Harry turned to look and saw it was some type of drawer that was hidden from view- except the small seem which Snape was trying to yank free.

"I see it." Harry told Snape and reached over to help. Snape pulled his arm back up and waited until Harry managed to pull the drawer open.

Inside was a small book encased in black leather. Snape pointed at it. "Gwab." He instructed.

Harry took it from the drawer and laid it on top of the desk. He tried to pry it open, but the cover felt as if it weighed a ton. Harry pulled with all his might, straining his muscles, before giving up and puffing from the exertion.

Ron whistled. "Won't open for you Harry." He said. Ron was now standing next to Hermione and watching.

Snape lifted a black brow and smirked. "Thult." He then leaned over and- with an ease- opened the cover.

Harry gaped at Snape for a few seconds, in which time Snape fell back onto Harry's chest and laughed. Finally Harry shrugged and turned to the journal.

"Do you think it's safe?" Hermione wondered aloud. "I mean- remember Riddle?"

"The writing is pretty easy to see." Harry answered without concern. He flipped through the pages and read the dates up top. "Maybe we shouldn't though. I mean, a journal is a really private thing."

Ron shrugged. "If he didn't want you to read it he wouldn't have opened it. Let alone shown you where it was."

"True." Harry stated.

Snape suddenly sat back up and pushed Harry's hands away. Harry frowned. "Sorry Professor, I didn't mean-"

"Pooper!" Snape snapped, shaking his head slightly. He then turned back to the journal and used his pudgy little hands to flip through the pages. He did not take great care, and many of them became wrinkled or folded as he went. Snape sighed and turned to Harry. "Wist."

"Wrist?" Harry asked.

"Nuh." Snape shook his head.

"A list?" Hermione inquired.

Snape nodded and smiled. "Wist."

"You know, sometimes I feel like we're all stuck in a big game of charades." Ron muttered, turning the book in semi circle so he was looking down at it. He quickly flipped through and searched.

After a few minutes he stopped and inhaled sharply. "Uh oh." Ron mumbled. "You guys better read this. Found the list he's talking about. It's no school supply list either."

Hermione looked down over his shoulder and gasped. Her hands quickly flew to her mouth.

Harry grabbed the book away from them and turned it back towards himself. He saw what they meant.

Likely Recipients of the Dark Mark

• Draco Malfoy

• Vincent Crabbe

• Gregory Goyle

• Tracy Davis

• Blaise Zambini

• Milicent Bulstrode

While I am uncertain as to the allegiances of Mr. Pucey and Miss Parkinson- I am very certain that the six listed above will turn. Mr. Malfoy in particular, since I know his father, Lucius Malfoy, is placing him under great pressure (which both have confirmed to me upon discreet inquiry to the matter). Although Lucius will not say (in a less than roundabout nature) it is clear that he has cast Crucio on Draco at least four times in the past. I am certain probably more that Draco will not confess to me.

Vincent and Gregory follow Draco- but the clear allegiances there are with Lucius. I believe they spy on Draco as much as follow his orders. Draco seems unaware of this- although the boy may have inklings. I believe he is satisfied just to have, as he has referred to them, lackeys. Both are certainly eager to obtain the mark for themselves. I see no way of reversing their decision without giving away my role. It distresses me greatly, for if Vincent and Gregory both take the Mark, there will be little Draco will be able to do to avoid it, with pressure at home and in his own room at school.

Tracy Davis is a less clear case. I believe she will eventually decline, but I am not sure. Observation has led me to believe Tracy is somewhat ignored by the others- which could be either a good or bad situation. Only time will tell what she decides to do.

Millicent Bulstrode is striving so hard to achieve a marriage into the Malfoy family I have little doubt she will take the mark if only to improve her standing with Narcissa and Lucius. It is, in my opinion, likely that Lucius will arrange a binding for she and Draco. I am also certain Draco will be very unhappy about the decision. It seems Mr Malfoy has very little control over his fate.

Blaise Zambini has been to several rallies and has a rather distressing nature. I believe he is too far gone to be pulled back. I recommend assigning an Unspeakable to watch Mr. Zambini as soon as he leaves Hogwarts, and within a year I am confident they will be able to put Blaise into Azkaban. It is with a heavy heart that I must concede that point.

Of all of them, Draco and Tracy have the largest chance to be saved. Tracy will be easier to keep the mark off of than Draco. The only hope young Mr Malfoy gives me is a comment made in jest that, "A Malfoy should bow to no man". I hope he will follow the right path, but I am not willing to reveal myself as a traitor to persuade him. It is to risky for us both. I will say Malfoy is not to be trusted. Of all the Death Eater's children, Draco is spoken of the most. Voldemort certainly knows who he is.

Harry looked up from the journal and pressed his lips together. "Well- that certainly isn't all too surprising, Professor."

Snape turned away from Harry and sniffled a few times.

The Gryffindor trio were astounded to see tears silently coursing down Snape's cheeks.

The way back to the Gryffindor Common room was awkward- to say the least. Because all three were forced to float a stack of books each- they had to tie a conjured string around Snape to lead him through the halls. It was very slow going and they were increasingly worried about being caught out of bed at the late hour. Even with Hermione's status as Prefect, explaining why they all had personal belongings of a Professor would be complicated.

Inside Harry's robes was also the small black journal- which he discovered not only contained a detailed account of the six suspects activities, but also a record of every Death Eater gathering Snape had attended since re-entering the fold. Just at a cursory browse, Harry discovered what Lupin and Black meant by the amount of information Snape had gathered for the Order of the Phoenix.

He was now hell bent on assisting Hermione in discovering a potion to help return Snape back to normal. He was also intent on not letting Snape out of his sights again.

There were six Death Eater recruits in Hogwarts. Six pairs of hands that could abduct him.

Harry didn't like that one bit.

He now understood the true reason Dumbledore had placed him in their care. Dumbledore would have been stupid to place him with the Slytherins, when Snape could no longer defend himself.

He was so caught up in his musings- he nearly ran into the back of Ron. "What now?" Harry whispered.

"Mrs. Norris." Ron replied softly, pointing down the hall to the cat standing and watching them.

"This is bad." Harry murmured, feeling the 'leash' on Snape go completely slack. Snape was waddling past him, all eyes focused on Mrs. Norris.

"Kithy!" He said with delight.

Mrs. Norris sniffed the air, and then tilted her head to the side. She gave a soft mew.

"Kithy! Kithy kithy kithy!" Snape repeated, continually advancing at an odd warble.

The trio just stood and watched, hoping that perhaps Mrs. Norris would be convinced Snape would handle the 'students out of bed' and leave them all alone.

As soon as Snape was close enough, he dropped onto his hands and knees and crawled next to Mrs. Norris. The three exchanged a glance, and gave a collective shrug. They thought perhaps they would get off scott free. That was, until Snape uttered his next word.

"Pushunz!" He stated with a rather sadistic undertone- suddenly springing himself onto Mrs. Norris.

As the cat screeched with dismay at the unforeseen attack, Ron drew in a breath. "He's gonna dissect her!"

"Don't be foolish." Hermione replied- warily looking around for Filch as Snape struggled with the cat. "He can't possible dissect her."

"That doesn't mean he won't try." Harry stated before rushing forward.

Mrs. Norris was in a fight for one of her nine lives as she tried to free herself. Snape was laying atop her, a good tuft of fur and skin in both his tiny fists. "Pushunz kithy!" He yelled as he bit down onto her ear.

"YOOOOOWWWWWLLL!" Mrs. Norris howled into the hallway as the tiny teeth clamped down on her.

The next chain of events would make Snape, formerly Mr. Filch's favorite Professor on staff, the most hated.

Just as Harry was about to intercede between cat and baby- several things happened at once.

Mrs. Norris managed to crawl out from Snape. Snape, seeing his ingredients about to escape, grabbed onto her tail. Not strong enough to keep her rooted in place- but strong enough to stall her for a critical moment in which she intended to turn around and take a swipe at his face.

It was then that Peeves the Poltergeist came barreling down the hallway with unnatural speed. He was speeding away from Filch (who was at that moment chasing him but a bit behind), and simultaneously causing as much damage as he could. Which was not out of the ordinary for the destructive ghost.

So it was that just as Snape yanked on Mrs. Norris' tail- Peeves crashed (purposefully and therefore solidly) into the suit of armor resting a few feet away. A suit of armor who held an axe in it's grip.

The tall decorative axe was jostled from the armor's hands.

In what seemed to Harry a frozen moment in time- it fell right towards Snape. It's arc of progress slow but unmistakable.

And so it was- that as the blade met the stone floor of Hogwarts-

Mrs. Norris' tail was severed from her body.

And left in the grip of the Potions Master.

"Woopsie oopsie!" Peeves sang as he flew away through the wall.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione could only stare horrified at Snape. Who was now swinging the tail around with glee. "Pushunz!" He exclaimed happily.

Mrs. Norris screeched like the wounded beast she was.

Mr. Filch rounded the corner.

"What's wrong there my precious-- MRS. NORRIS! WHAT 'APPENED TO YER TAIL!" Filch bellowed into the hallway.

Harry slowly backed away slowly from the scene. "Mr. Filch, I can explain everything." He stated desperately.

"YOU!" Filch said- shaking with rage as his eyes boggled onto Harry. "YER ALWAYS TRYING TO KILL MY MRS. NORRIS! WHY?!" Then his eyes flipped to Snape, who was giggling happily and still twirling Mrs. Norris' tail around like the blades of a helicopter. "PROFESSOR!"

Snape blinked in surprise and then smiled up at Filch. Showing him the prize. "Pushunz!"

"WHAT?!" Filch bellowed- causing Snape to wince slightly at the unmistakable threat.

"Pushunz?" He asked a little more quietly, slowly clutching the cat tail to his body.

"Mrs Norris is NOT to be put in your Potions, Snape!" Filch hissed. "I can't remember 'ow many times I've told you that!"

He then squatted down and picked up the still yowling Mrs. Norris. "You three are mine!" He shouted to the trio. "If not for poor Mrs. Norris 'ere I'd 'ave you ALL strung up by your thumbs! Or stretched on the rack. Instead, I 'ave to take 'er to the infirmary. And YOU-" Here he turned his gaze onto Snape, who was also gazing up with trepidation- "I'll deal with you when yer back to normal. But, believe me, I'll remember this the next time yer classroom floor needs scrubb'n!"

Snape still clutched the tail. "Philth?" He muttered.

"That's right. It'll be filthy year round." Filch hissed, then bent over and yanked Mrs. Norris' tail away.

Snape began to cry. "PUSHUNZ!!"

"NO! NO BODY PART OF MRS. NORRIS IS GOING INTO YOUR CAULDRON!" Filch screamed enraged. "DON'T SIT THERE CRYING OVER IT! YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED!"

Snape just continued to wail, and his cries making counterpoint to Mrs. Norris'. Filch growled and stomped past them, taking his beloved Mrs. Norris to the infirmary so she wouldn't become a 'bob tail cat'.

Harry sighed and picked Snape off the ground, wincing as his screams echoed in his ear. Ron and Hermione sighed- knowing they were going to get a lot of detentions for this.

Before Filch hit the staircase, they heard him turn around and yell, "A 'undred and fifty points from Gryffindor for being out past curfew! And two 'undred points from Slytherin for causing bodily 'arm to Mrs Norris!"

"Alright!" Ron exclaimed as soon as Filch disappeared down the steps. "Two hundred points!"

"This is all your fault, Ron." Harry stated as he turned to glare at the red head.

"Me? What did I do?" Ron asked, looking genuinely confused.

Harry shook his head sadly. "All those morbid stories about killing puppies and kittens have obviously warped his mind."

Ron's mouth dropped. "You're kidding?" Ron said as soon as he regained working control of his jaw. "He was morbid and warped before I was even born!"

Harry sighed and shouldered Snape before continuing down the corridor. Hoping his cries wouldn't wake up the entire school.

Author's Notes: Despite what this chapter may cause you to believe, I absolutely adore cats. In fact, I fancy myself as a future Arebella Figg- although not quite so many cats in my house. Anyway, I find the thought of Snape always threatening (especially in his younger days) to use the tattle tale (snicker) Mrs. Norris in his potions amusing. Especially her tail. So if you can appreciate the irony in that- then you probably got the humor. Albeit dark humor. Imagine the potency of using the tail of a tattle tale! *smirk*

I saw a bunch of people figured out the meaning of 'Ba phuy'. That's cool. For those of you who didn't, that's cool too.

Another of my fave parts is the 'skeleton in Snape's closet'. Ron really should have known better than to go browsing through there.

Let me also reinstate here, that Lily Potter NEVER had any romantic relationship with Snape. Only a friendship- held back by many factors. I too think that Snape had something of a crush on Lily, as I know a lot of Snape fans believe.

Just how lurid is that poetry book? Not very. And no, I'm not going to write out the poems inside because I absolutely share Sirius Black's opinion of poetry. Well- maybe not so forcefully. If any of you would like to write a couple of 'Lilly's poems' go for it. If you give permission, I may even include them in the story when Harry reads the book. You know at least two lines to use- and also there is the ode to Sirius' bum. If you write them and send them to me, and I use them, I will of course give credit. You can e-mail them to me or- hey- post them yourselves on FF.net Just remember- Lilly's Book of Poetry is a Three Gryffindors and A Baby idea ^.- As far as I know anyway…

This was a long chapter and my fingers hurt. I hope it's worth the pain.

Now I'm off to the Hospital Wing to help Poppy.

In the Next Chapter: The trio and Snape have a detention to serve. Black, meantime, goes in search of the Journal. Draco has a decision to make, and his two goons are there to help him. We discover if Mrs. Norris' tail was successfully re-attached. Hey- if they could do it for John Bobbit (ok- not gonna go there).

Oh ya- Snape ages some more ^.-

Hope to see you then!

Appendix II:

More Baby Babble

Listed in order of appearance in Chapter 8:

Weezy: Weasley (Ron)

Iythut: Idiot

Nuh: No

Weezyz sthupa: Weasley's Stupid (as in Ron)

Ba phuy: Bad Malfoy

Thult: Dolt

Gwab: Grab

Pooper: Potter (pooper?)

Wist: List

Kithy: Kitty

Pushunz: Potions

Philth: Filch (although, Filch thinks he means Filth)