Three Gryffindors and a Baby
Celeste
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Don't make money off it. Don't sue over it.
Special Thanks: To the readers. Thanks for the patience.
A/N: I'm still not happy with Chapter 9. There are actually seven different versions of it, and this is the one I finally decided to go with. There is so much to put in, and a lot left out. Ah well. Least it's posted XD
Note 2- Not beta read. Didn't want to bug poor Ramos who hasn't heard from me in months ;.; Without her, I'm sure there are errors. If you end up reading this, Ramos, and still want to beta (despite my dang slowness with these chappies) let me know.
Chapter 9
Rubber Ducky
You're the one
Harry blinked wearily down at the parchment before him as he slowly copied down another section from one of the enormous volumes of Transfiguration in McGonagall's personal collection. He could feel the joints in his fingers grinding painfully with each movement of the quill. Beside him, he heard Ron stifle another groan as his own copying went on. Hermione, sitting up front near the playpen that held Snape, was actually humming a bit happily under her breath.
Sometimes she took the love of books and schoolwork to a point of mania.
Snape himself had been mostly silent. He had been strangely reserved since the incident the week before with Mrs. Norris. The victim of Snape's sudden violent outburst was again trotting around Hogwarts with tail intact. Said tail twitched angrily while her ears laid back flat whenever the three and Snape passed by.
Too add further mortification, Snape continued to try and reach for the cat (while being held far away by Hermione) while crying for his 'pushunz'. Filch was nastier to them than ever, and even Snape had to pause at the withering glares that easily triumphed over Snape's glares on the best of days. Harry suspected Filch would continue to be cross with the Professor, at least until the Professor was restored to his usual towering self.
Harry suppressed his own sigh as the candlelight began to wane. Just as he was convinced his hand was going to fall off, he heard the tale tell clip clop of McGonagall striding into the classroom.
"You may leave for the night," she stated while collecting the books before them herself. "This finishes your detentions."
"Thank you, Professor." The three chimed as one. Although, a quick glance in Hermione's direction, revealed a slightly disappointed expression. Ron must have noticed as well, since he rolled his eyes before picking up his bag.
Harry followed suit, and the two waited for Hermione to collect Snape before the three left their detention together. Ron slumped forward as he walked, a desolate air about him. "I can't take much more of this." He said after several silent minutes through the corridors where the paintings watched them pass by.
"More of what?" Harry asked, pushing his spectacles further up his nose.
Ron waved his hands, as if to encompass the entirety of his life. "These nights of hardly any sleep. The trouble he's causing us. Insults. Stuff leaking from every pore of his body." Ron took a deep breath and sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want Snape back."
"Ron," Hermione began in a soothing tone, "no one said this would be easy. But try to look at this from Sevvie's perspective." She adjusted the carrier on his back as she said his name. "I'm convinced he's aware. Can you imagine being trapped in the body and mind of a baby? It must be absolutely horrid for him."
Ron grumbled something under his breath that was probably best kept from Hermione's ears. Harry reached under his own glasses to rub at his eyes. Ron was right; this needed to end before he collapsed of exhaustion. "How's the potion coming along?"
"Pushunz!" Snape exclaimed, as if on cue.
Hermione smiled absently before answering. "We'll be ready for another try tomorrow. His system will have worked out all of the potion by then." She began chewing absently on her lower lip. "I think I've been able to make it a bit more effective this time."
Ron looked over, excitement gleaming from his eyes. "You've got it then?"
"Well," Hermione said slowly—cautiously forming the words, "I'm not entirely certain, Ron. This is trial and error. The last batch should have worked. I'm a bit boggled why it didn't." She looked wistfully over her shoulder. "He would know why."
"All the bloody good it does us," Ron muttered.
While Hermione had been concentrating on the problem of an antidote for Snape, Harry and Ron had been consumed with the mystery of how Snape had been able to get into his chambers nearly a week before. Both had tossed around several ideas, but inevitably came up with no answers. They both agreed there was no way Snape could have crawled that distance—let alone have spoken the password or even open the door.
There was also Snape's journal. The book had become a sort of horrific view into Voldemort's world. Harry had refused to let even Hermione read it, much to her anger. Not to mention the annoyed glances Ron would toss at Harry every time he caught Harry reading it. Still, Harry felt that Snape had meant him to read it—and no one else. He did, after all, have a personal interest in understanding Voldemort. Harry was still surprised that Snape had even shown it to him, there were intensely private writings within that journal.
It was clear that although neither of them liked the idea of having to read it, it was still a task that had to be done. If anything, Harry thought he had a better understanding of Snape himself. He definitely knew at least as much as the Order did on Voldemort's activities.
It was quite a heavy load of knowledge to carry.
Harry shook himself out of his musings as they climbed the staircase towards Gryffindor tower. Hermione was ahead of him, and Harry took the opportunity to gaze at Snape again.
It seemed that as the potion was cleaned naturally out of his system, the slower progress Snape made. Still, he had once again grown considerably during the past week. His head now sported a thick mass of black hair now hanging just past his ears, which was still soft to the touch. Whenever Snape leaned forward, the black strands would partially obscure his large black eyes.
His nose was still disproportionate to his features, but not in the comical way it had been. If anything, it emphasized the constantly pursed lips, always ready to suckle whether it be a bottle or his thumb. He had gained nearly ten more pounds, and was much heavier to carry around. Likewise, his own motions and attention span were becoming more developed.
When those black eyes focused, really focused, on something—Harry swore the look behind them was far older. Of course, whatever thought he attained was usually easily distracted away by really shiny objects and the cooing continued.
Suddenly, those black eyes were back on Harry. It seemed Snape still hated Harry with as much passion as before, but there were also times when he would look at Harry as if expecting him to be snatched away at any moment. Snape would look frightened for a moment, once again unable to express anything but the most basic of emotions— but soon the blissful cloud of ignorance seemed to float back over him.
Harry watched as this happened again. Snape's journal had said only the barest of comments about him. Mostly it was nothing surprising. Voldemort said this, Voldemort said that, kill Potter, blah blah blah. Nothing Harry didn't expect. There were, however, a few interesting passages within the book. Ones Harry meant to talk with the Professor about as soon as he was back to his normal self.
If Snape wasn't intent on killing Harry himself that was. Harry was constantly wincing at the thought of how Snape would treat him after this. Pre-baby potions would seem a cakewalk, that was for sure. As they walked back into the Gryffindor Common Room, Harry watched, as Hermione didn't even remove Snape from the carrier. Instead, she headed straight for the stairs and disappearing up into the girl's dorm room.
Ron and Harry exchanged a tired look, before marching off for their own beds- profoundly grateful.
~
In a different, deeper, level of the castle Sirius Black paced furiously back and forth in front of a large black door. Several colorful oaths came from his mouth at every turn, words that would make even a sailor blush. There were little scratch marks from two large paws at the corner, where he had attempted to burrow his way through in desperation in his animangus form.
"Dark Arts!" Black suddenly exclaimed, stopping suddenly and looking at the snake eagerly.
The serpent shook its metallic silver head.
Black snarled and resumed his pacing.
"Damn you, Snivellus." He growled under his breath.
He stopped and began rubbing his forehead with a tired hand. "If I was a greasy, sadistic, bastard," he thought aloud, "what password would I use?"
He turned again and narrowed his eyes at the snake. "Dark Lord."
Another shake followed.
"Torture is fun?"
The snake actually rolled its emerald eyes.
"Death to Gryffindors?"
Another glare.
Black threw his hands into the air. "Damn these guardians!" He cried. "And snakes. What is it with Slytherins and snakes? You don't see me pulling a Griffin* around on a leash." He told the snake matter-of-factly. "The bloody lot is obsessed. It's disturbing."
"Hissssssssss."
"Yeah, yeah." Black grumbled before continuing in his pacing before his rivals chambers.
An old and weathered voice suddenly spoke up from beside him. "Troubles, Sirius?"
The convict paused and whirled around to see Dumbledore standing before him. Hands folded behind his back, sucking lightly on some candy or another, and that ever-present twinkle in his eyes that matched with the royal blue robes which fluttered around his ancient frame.
"Headmaster." Black stated, forcing himself to calm down. "I didn't hear you approach."
"This castle holds many secrets." Dumbledore said softly, his lips twitching beneath the white whiskers. "But I suspect you already knew that."
Black grinned devilishly before he pointed towards the door. "I can't get in."
"Those are Severus' private rooms."
"Yeah, and I can't get in."
Dumbledore arched a white brow.
Black folded his arms and regarded the man levelly. "It's not like I want to prank him." Much, he thought to himself before continuing. "I just want to obtain—"
"The journal," Dumbledore finished.
Black blinked in surprise, but then smiled a bit crookedly. Dumbledore would always be Dumbledore. "Mhm."
"I'm afraid it is no longer with Severus' effects." Dumbledore informed him.
"You have it?" Black began, confused. "But I thought it would only go to you at the moment of his death."
"And I'm sure it will. However, I regret to say Severus would not open the journal for me." Dumbledore gave Black a coy smirk. "I had to make different arrangements according to his wishes. But, I must say, Severus was probably right in this instance."
Black stared. "He's a baby."
"He is." Dumbledore said, tilting his head to concede to the fact. "But he is a most extraordinary baby. It's not so much what he said, as what his eyes spoke to me."
"His eyes." Black said in a flat, deadpan voice.
Dumbledore nodded cheerfully. "You might be surprised by what you can learn reading people's eyes, Sirius. They are the windows into the soul, after all." The revered wizard then turned penchant for a moment. "Although, his 'no's' and 'Pooper' did clue me in a bit."
Black held up his hands in surrender. He doubted he would every understand Dumbledore. He doubted anyone could. "Right. Then, someone else has the journal?"
Dumbledore nodded, popping another lemon drop into his mouth as he watched with a near paternal pride as the gears in Black's head turned.
"Harry." Black finally concluded, glancing to Dumbledore for conformation.
Dumbledore's eyes only twinkled in reply.
It was all Black needed for an answer.
Dumbledore patted his shoulder fondly. "I'm always pleased when I can teach a new trick." *
The Headmaster just smiled serenely as Black glared at him, before turning and humming as he walked away.
~
"AHHH!!!"
The sudden shrill cry erupted from the Common Room below. Harry sleepily rubbed his eyes before groping for his glasses on the bed table and perching them on his head. The morning light streamed through the open curtains of his bed, and he winced as his lenses caught its glare.
He'd never really gotten used to waking up to sunlight.
Another scream sounded from below, followed by a recognizable address. "PROFESSOR!"
Harry resisted the urge to bash his head against the headboard. From across the circular room, he heard Ron's tortured groan. "What's he done now?"
"Let's find out." Harry replied grimly before tossing the covers off his bed and standing up. Ron followed, stumbling a bit. Together they made their way out of the door and down the staircase. There, both still in the process of waking up far too early on a Saturday morning, the nearly fell down the remaining steps at the site which greeted them.
"Bad!" Hermione screeched, heedless of the astonished crowd quickly building around them.
It was not the sight of Hermione, shaking her finger so hard it was likely to fly off her hand at any moment, completely livid with anger that surprised them. After all, each member of Gryffindor had received the same thing after copying the answers for Binn's tests. No, it was who she was waggling that finger at.
Snape.
More precisely, however, an upright on two legs Snape. A Snape who was easily tall as Hermione's knees, wearing a pair of muggle jeans obviously transfigured to fit his tiny frame. Wearing a shirt that revealed still pudgy, but longer and more distinguishable arms.
She was wagging her finger at a two-year-old Professor Severus Snape.
"Myneeeeee!" He whined, stomping his shoed foot angrily and seemingly in the middle of a massive temper tantrum—complete with tears. "I wan it!"
"No!" She said, gnashing her teeth together. "Absolutely not, Severus."
"I WAN IT! I WAN IT! I WAN IT!"
The screams were punctuated by an angry jump at each declaration, jumps he nearly fell over from. "I'LL THAKE POINTHS!"
"Oooooo!" Hermione balled her fists. "You wouldn't!"
"AHH HA!"
"NO!"
"YETH!"
"NO!"
"YETH!"
"NO!"
"YETH! YETH! YETH!"
All the stunned Gryffindors watched, now wide-awake, as their Professor then proceeded to lie down onto the ground and begin thrashing. His chest was heaving with the effort, but he was hitting the rugged floor furiously with his fists while kicking like a catastrophic whirlwind—all the while managing to scream at the top of his lungs.
This, every single person thought simultaneously, was the unedited- infamous- Snape temper at its purest form.
It was impressive.
"Stop that!" Hermione admonished, instantly kneeling above him and attempting to catch the tiny-balled fists, obviously concerned he would hurt himself.
At the rate he was going, Harry wouldn't be surprised if he gave himself an aneurysm.
Suddenly, Hermione yelped in surprise as his tiny teeth sunk themselves like a vice into her skin. She pulled her hand away and then immediately snatched his hand again while trying to hold him.
Snape was crying so violently his voice was beginning to go raw. Tears and snot streamed from his eyes and nose, and his hair was a crumpled mat beneath his head. "I WAN IT!" He screamed, breaking off to cough before sobbing again.
"You can't have it, Severus." Hermione told him in a calm voice, although her eye was still twitching. "You wouldn't want anyone hurt, would you?"
To this she received a pointed growl.
Harry shook his head and pushed his way through the people down the last steps and over near Hermione, where he knelt down and watched as Snape continued to cry a bit more quietly—with only little hiccups interrupting his whining. "What's he want?"
"His wand." Hermione informed Harry, letting go of Snape slowly. The toddler rolled onto his side and continued to sob in his misery. Hermione examined the bite on her hand, twisting it over and frowning at the blood he had managed to draw with only his baby teeth. "He's been asking for it all morning."
"When?" Harry pointed at Snape.
"Around four a m." Hermione explained with a sigh as she dropped her hand and turned to address Harry. "He woke up hungry, and I wasn't going to get anymore sleep, so I took him to the lab." She looked back at Snape. "I did some tests, found his system clear, and gave him a second dosage."
"This is the result?" Harry asked, although the question was somewhat pointless. He could see that this was indeed the result.
Hermione nodded her affirmative none-the-less. "Yes. He's jumped ahead again. I think he's around two and a half, judging by his size and temper."
Snape, it seemed, was done with the crying and the screaming. It stopped just as suddenly as it had begun, and he coughed violently a few times before sitting up on the floor. He continued to sniffle, looking at everyone from swollen red eyes still brimming a bit. His hair had grown with the rest of him, and the black strands were easily to his chin, and they shimmered in the light from a natural sleekness.
The little nose on his face was already a bit crooked, as if it had been broken. Harry guessed that, just as the mark was on his forearm, whatever previous injuries the man had sustained also remained. Sitting on the rug and looking up at him, Harry couldn't believe how cute Snape was.
Although, the narrowing in the still large black eyes helped to give the toddler a mirror look of his former glory. "Wand." He said, clearly, to Harry.
Harry panicked. He didn't want to cause another episode so shortly after the first. He never wanted to see anything like it again in his life. "Uh, how about some breakfast?" He asked brightly, forcing a smile.
Apparently the promise of food made an attention switch, as Snape nodded and held out his little pudgy hands towards Harry.
Harry easily kneeled down and picked the Professor up, grunting in surprise at his considerably larger weight, and then arranged him so that his arms were around Harry's neck. The Boy Who Lived tried not to grimace as he felt Snape rub his face into his shirt—blowing his nose for effect.
"Well, c'mon then." Harry said to Ron and Hermione, who were looking at him as if he'd grown two heads. Really, he was getting the hang of this babysitter stuff. "Off we go!" Harry announced brightly, making his way through the Portrait door and out into the corridor.
He was aware that the entire tower was following behind him, whispering to each other in dazed way. Doubtlessly discussing what the Professor was capable of now. If he had been a menace as a rather disadvantaged baby—what havoc would he play in the terrible twos?
The whole of Gryffindor arrived at the Great Hall en mass, and watched as Harry secured Snape into his high chair. When the toddler gave them all 'the eye' they hastily took their seats. Snape smirked victoriously as he leaned forward into his tray. Power was power, after all, and it appeared little Severus had just figured out he did indeed still have a hold on his students.
Neville inched further down the bench, away from Ron, and ended up bumping into Ginny. The red head rolled her eyes before beginning to serve her own breakfast while Neville watched Snape with quick darts from the corner of his eye.
Hermione ended up pulling out a small cup and filling it with pumpkin juice before placing it onto Snape's tray. Snape grabbed it greedily with both hands and began drinking—by himself—while Ron and Harry watched with stunned expressions on their faces.
"We are entering a new dimension of hell." Ron stated solemnly.
"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione shouted, instantly cupping her hands over Snape's ears.
"Hell!" He proclaimed despite the muffled hearing. "Hell! Hell! Hell!"
"Now you've done it." Hermione hissed, pulling her hands away and beginning to put food onto Snape's plate in hopes of distracting him from his new chant. She began cutting up eggs, throwing Ron furious glares whenever Snape shouted his new favorite word.
Ron and Harry exchanged amused glances, before he looked over to see Fred and George with their foreheads pressed together and writing furiously on a bit of parchment while whispering back and forth. Both had that smile that screamed mischief on their identical faces.
Harry elbowed Ron. "What are they doing?" He asked, pointing to the twins with his fork.
Ron paused mid bite and looked over Neville's shoulder. He was grinning as he pulled back. "Looks like a list of dirty words," he stated before swallowing, "to teach Snape."
"Wonderful." Harry muttered, jabbing at his sausage. Snape already had a larger vocabulary then any child he had ever heard of, but that didn't mean he didn't take delight in Hermione's mortification. He glanced over and saw her admonishing him as he ate with a spoon. Whenever she would turn her attention away from Snape and back to her own plate, he would curse again, and Hermione would turn instantly back to Snape.
Harry smirked. He was a clever little bloke.
~
Their first class of the day was Herbology. The sun was bright out, even with the weather beginning to change into an early winter. Snape was bundled up in the warmest clothes Hermione could transfigure for him as they walked to the Greenhouse. Half way to the destination, as they were crossing the expansive green lawn of Hogwarts, Snape had kicked up yet another fuss and demanded he be put down to walk himself.
The trio and the toddler ambled along slowly, Ron chasing after Snape every so often whenever he veered and began running in another direction. It seemed Snape wanted to go down by the lake, but the three kept him on task—with extreme difficulty and a lot of no's.
He was sulking by the time they actually reached the Greenhouse nearly ten minutes after the chime had gone off. His lower lip stuck out in an obvious pout of disappointment, which soon turned into a look of pure curiosity as he looked around at their surroundings. "Twee!" He exclaimed happily, and Seamus ended up catching him right before he walked into the jaws of an enormous Venus Flytrap named Audrey II who had a very unusual taste for blood and an even stranger habit of breaking out into song.
The plant licked its green lips as it turned to Seamus with its gigantic bulbous green head. "Feed me Seamus!"
"Not again." Seamus said, a strange look crossing over his face before he handed Snape back to the others. *
"Those two have been awfully close recently." Neville confided in a hushed whisper as they watched Seamus and the plant arguing. "He won't even let me near it."
"Odd." Hermione commented, effectively closing the subject of the strange plant and Seamus as Professor Sprout walked in. The maternal head of Hufflepuff took one look at the larger Snape and immediately bustled over.
"Oh no no no!" She said in a hurried voice. "He can't be in here!"
"Huh?" Ron asked, blinking slightly as he began putting on his gloves.
"Too many chemicals and dangerous plants within reach. Believe me, at this age, they'll get into everything—the poor dears." She told them, clucking her tongue at their obvious thoughtlessness.
Hermione looked mortified. "Oh! Of course!"
"Now," Sprout began, picking Snape up just as he reached for a bottle of Bertie Bott's Specialized Plant Spray (designed to keep those pesky pixies from ruining your crop), "I'll allow one of you an excuse from class as long as you're looking after him. It's just too dangerous to watch over him in here."
Hermione looked petrified at the thought of giving up one of her classes. Ron sighed—since Herbology was one of his top subjects. Harry knew immediately who should opt out, since he didn't mind Herbology either way. He didn't hate it, but he had no strong love for it either. "I'll take him then."
"Wonderful, dear." Sprout handed Snape over and began bustling him out of the greenhouse. "I'm sure Mr. Longbottom will be happy to help you catch up before O.W.L.S."
"Right." Harry stated dejectedly. He hoisted Snape onto his hip and carried him from the greenhouse after the Professor had given him a permission slip.
Again outside on the grounds, Harry blinked and looked around. Wondering what he should do with his new free period. Fortunately, it seemed Snape had already made up his mind. "Yake!"
"Hm?" Harry asked, looking down.
Snape gazed up with those big black eyes and pointed out towards the lake. "Yake."
"You want to go play by the lake?" Harry asked, receiving a nod from his Potions Professor. Harry looked out towards the shimmering blue water, shrugging, as he couldn't think of any reason why they couldn't. "Alright then."
Snape smiled and squirmed. Harry obediently let him down, and walked quickly behind the toddler running towards the water. Once there, Snape let out a cry of excitement before immediately heading towards the lapping ripples.
Harry dashed forward and held him back from walking straight into the lake. "Sorry, Professor, but the Merpeople don't like swimmers. And I'm not sure if you can swim." He told the squirming boy. "Why don't you just play near it?"
Snape managed to worm his way out of Harry's hold, but to the Gryffindors relief, he didn't head for the water again. This time he began running in circles near the shore, picking up shells or rocks every so often before tossing them away.
Harry sat back onto the grass close by, reclining back to enjoy the sun as he kept an eye on the playing two year-old. Snape seemed intent on investigating everything. From the blades of grass, to the small violets withering away in the chill, to the feel of the bark on the tree- it caused Harry more questions that he didn't have any answers for. Why was the Professor so child-like one moment, to decidedly Snape-like the next? Was there a trigger?
"Severus!" Harry called out.
The toddler paused in the act of trying to catch a few falling leaves and turned around. There was an annoyed look on his face from being bothered, but he obediently ambled over.
Standing before Harry, he looked up with a questioning gaze. Harry smiled gently back. "Severus, why are you worried about Malfoy?"
As he thought, a sudden cloud seemed to fall on the toddler's features. "He knowth." The boy whispered, suddenly glancing around in a decidedly paranoid manner.
Harry sat up and gazed intently. "Who?"
Snape looked over at Harry and shook his head furiously, covering his ears with his hands. For a moment, Snape reminded him of Dobby. "Him." He said as he continued to shake his head, and it appeared to Harry that the toddler was trying to physically knock away some memory. "HIM!"
Harry reached out and cupped Snape's head gently to keep him from shaking it so wildly. "It's alright. Shh."
"No." Snape said, his face screwing up into disgust. "No. Canth…" He looked away for a moment and the cloud slowly lifted from his features, leaving only a frustrated and confused toddler in its wake. Snape then clung to Harry's leg tightly, laying his cheek against Harry's knee. "Bad." He said simply, with a shudder.
Harry decided he would have to forsake his homework to try and read farther into Snape's journal. Whatever was upsetting him, Harry was sure it had to do with Voldemort. "Ice cream?"
Snape's head snapped up, and a grin spread across his face. "ITH CREEM!"
"Yeah, I like it too." Harry told him before picking the boy up, grunting once again. "You've gotten a lot bigger." He told the Professor as they began their way back to the castle. "Kids really do grow before you know it."
"ITH CREEM!"
In their excitement, both failed to see the silent figure partially concealed behind a large oak tree, watching them intently until they disappeared into the castle.
~
Twenty minutes later saw a happy Snape, swinging his legs from the tabletop, and attempting to lick at his ice cream cone. It looked to Harry that he had gotten more of it on his face than in his mouth. Still, he happily shoved the large vanilla scoop against his face and continued eating away.
Harry himself licked at his own chocolate cone as he sat in front of Snape in the chair. Dobby hopped from one foot to the other nearby. "Can Dobby do anything else for Harry Potter, sir?"
"No thanks Dobby." Harry told him for the tenth time before licking at his cone again. "We're fine."
"If Harry Potter needs anything else-"
"You'll be the first to know." Harry told him.
Dobby nodded before scurrying off. Harry relaxed a bit more and picked up a napkin, wiping off Snape's chin since the melted ice cream was beginning to melt off his chin and drip onto his sweater. He didn't trust Hermione's sudden mother henning enough to allow Snape to get too dirty.
Although, from the playing around the lake, keeping him clean seemed as likely as reaching El Dorado*. Mud was caked thoroughly onto the cuffs of his jeans, grass stains were streaked onto his knees, and his hands were considerably covered in dirt. "Next time we'll wash our hands before eating." Harry said thoughtfully.
"Wash 'fo Pushunz." Snape told him, in a nearly scolding tone.
"I will." Harry promised with a little smile. "But we have to get you cleaned up before Hermione sees you."
Snape snorted and continued to greedily eat his ice cream.
Five minutes later saw an even greater mess that no amount of wiping would fix. The amount that Snape couldn't eat, which was considerable, had ended up melting all over his face, clothes, and the table. He was currently mouthing the soft cone, leaving a long trail of saliva after him.
"Okay," Harry said, tossing the remnants of his own cone into the trash, "we need to clean you up."
Snape glared at him before tossing his own cone. It missed the trash, but ended up splattered on the floor. An obscenely happy house elf scurried to clean it off, thanking Harry for the work as his little green hands brought out its rag.
Harry shook his head in dumbfounded confusion before picking Snape up and leaving the kitchen. They made their way back to Gryffindor tower and Harry took them both into the large boy's washroom.
Harry gazed around for a moment, wondering how they were supposed to do this part.
"Hm." Harry said, setting Snape onto the ground before walking over to the bathtub past the shower stalls. He began turning faucets, getting a mild temperature that wouldn't be too harsh on Snape, and then turned to try and navigate through the next steps.
Snape stood there, watching the tub fill up. Harry was going to have to undress him, but how to keep him above the water? He looked back at the small whirlpool size tub and sighed. He was just going to have to get in and hold him.
He was going to have to take a bath with Snape.
Next to the arse wiping, it was the freakiest thing yet.
Don't think about him as Professor Snape. He told himself as he knelt down and began pulling Snape's sweater off. He's Severus, a two-year-old in need of a bath. His nose wrinkled as he caught the tell tale smell of an accident. That helps.
After an unscheduled cleaning of the mess, he quickly undressed himself, before picking Snape up without much thought. "We'll start pody training tomorrow." He told Snape as he settled into the water.
After Harry placed Snape securely on his leg, the teenager threw a rubber ducky into the water. With Snape distracted by splashing about happily and banging the ducky, Harry grabbed onto the soup and took off his glasses.
A very nasty smile grew over Harry's face as he spotted the blurry bottle of baby shampoo.
Good habits are learned at an early age…With a delighted little cackle that drew Snape's attention, he picked up the Shampoo and quickly put a dime size amount in the palm of his hand. With a quick motion he rubbed his hands together and the little bubbles caused Snape's eyes to widen in sudden horror.
The battle that ensued was one worthy of a place in Hogwarts: A History.
"Scrubba, scrubba!" Harry sang happily over Snape's wails of bloody murder as he lathered Snape's hair. "Wishy, washy! Scrubba, scrubba!"
Twenty Minutes and a water pruned Snape later…"SEVERUS!" Harry cried- arms extended with a fluffy white towel as he chased the naked toddler around the common room. "Come here!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"POOPER MEAN!"
"I need to dry you off!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"YETH!"
"NO!"
"YETH!"
"NO!"
"YETH!"
Harry stopped and blinked, "wait a minute…I'm suppose to say yes!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"Harry?"
Harry stopped in his tracks, and turned to look at a horrified Ron. "Why is he naked?"
"We just took a bath." Harry explained before jumping towards the chair Snape was hiding behind. The toddler squealed before scrambling away. Harry ignored the rest of the Gryffindors as he continued to chase after the screaming, dripping wet Snape. Snape suddenly bolted for the door. "CLOSE THE PORTRAIT!"
But Harry's warning was too late as Snape crawled under Ron's legs and ran out the door.
"Merlin." Harry breathed. "C'mon Ron."
"I'm trying to repress here!" Ron shouted with hands firmly planted over his eyes with the image of the screaming naked mass of his Professor crawling under his legs seemed burned into his mind. "I'm going to need so much therapy."
Harry grabbed onto Ron's shirt and pulled him through the door.
~
Meanwhile Lupin and Snuffles were heading towards Gryffindor tower. The two were already having their own 'conversation'. "…not sure Severus would want us reading it. Seems a terrible invasion of privacy."
"Woof." Snuffles imparted.
Lupin arched a brown brow as they rounded the corner. "That's not really the point, Padfoot."
"Woof! Woof, woof!" Snuffles retorted.
Lupin pressed his lips together in thought as they passed the portrait of Sir Gallahad, ignoring his challenge for a duel. "I suppose."
A happy whine.
"Fine." Lupin paused and turned towards his canine companion. "But we won't press Harry."
"Woof." Came the agreement, punctuated by an excited wag of the large black tail.
The conversation may have been continued, but both stopped dead in their tracks. Lupin's jaw dropped as a wet, naked, Snape ran towards them screaming his lungs out.
A moment later, Harry and Ron dashed around the corner and were obviously chasing after him.
Without thought, Lupin easily stepped to the side and scooped up Snape before he could run past. Snape's breath was coming out in puffs, but he still managed to cry out his new mantra. "MEAN POOPER! MEAN POOPER!"
Lupin blinked.
"Um?" He turned towards the two boys who were jogging up to him. "I assume there is a reason for Severus to be running about."
"He got away from me." Harry said apologetically, reaching out with a towel, easily wrapping it around the small body. "I washed his hair, and he wasn't very happy about it."
The dog at their feet began wheezing in his tell tale laugh.
"Shud uph Bwack!" Snape shouted, waving a tiny fist as Harry continued to rub at his hair with a corner of the towel.
It only seemed to encourage Snuffles more, and he ended up flopping down on his side, legs waving while his tail thumped the floor madly as he continued to wheeze uncontrollably.
"Padfoot…" Lupin warned, still holding onto Snape. "That's not a very good example for your godson."
"You washed his hair?" Ron asked, hiding his own smile behind his hand.
Harry shrugged, but the little smile was tugging at his lip as well. "Thought it might stick with him later on."
"Fat chance of that." Ron stated, snickering now.
"SHUD UPH!" Snape screamed.
Suddenly, the stained glass window beside them exploded outwards into hundreds of sharp shards. Luckily, whatever had shattered it sent the glass flying outside.
Everyone stopped and stared at Snape.
The toddler's eyes were so completely black that they couldn't even see a sliver of white. He was huffing, his chest rising and falling as he panted, and a slight crackle of black electricity lifted above his head.
"Whoa," Ron breathed in terrified wonder.
"That was dark magic." Black said from beside them; now back in his human form. He peered into Snape's eyes. "Strong dark magic."
Lupin wrenched Snape away from Harry and quickly laid the toddler on the floor, kneeling above him as he unwrapped the towel. His wand came out and he began chanting as he waved it above Snape.
With the words of the spell, dozens of tiny designs sparkled into visibly. Each a dark red in color, and formed ruins over different parts of Snape's flesh.
"Merlin's garters." Lupin breathed, pulling his wand back and examining each symbol. "He's got spells imprinted in his skin. The damn fool."
"Protection," Black said, pointing out one over Snape's heart, "shields, enhancers-" he stopped at one mark on Snape's forehead, "is that what I think it is?"
Lupin pressed fingers to his temple and nodded sadly.
"You stupid son of a-" Black hissed, drawing away. "No wonder he's so sickly all the time."
"Indeed." Lupin replied, waving his wand again, and the symbols faded from view.
"I knew he was twisted," Black continued, shaking his head, "but I had no idea he was this twisted."
"What?" Harry asked, eyes going from Snape, to Lupin, to Black. "What are they?"
"Spells." Lupin told him. "Some Wizards carve magic into their bodies. It's an old art, not seen much outside of Pure Blood families."
"Evil families." Black spat.
"Not necessarily." Lupin corrected. "The protection runes—well they're not very harmful. Given Snape's paranoia, I'm not surprised he's tried to make himself impervious to hexes and curses. At least mild ones."
"What's the one on his forehead?" Harry asked.
Lupin bit his lip.
"Snape's always been good at wandless magic." Black spat when Lupin continued in his silence. "Like a talent he had. He could cast hexes or curses without uttering a syllable, just with a wave of his wand."
Harry remembered all the times Snape had cleaned his ruined potion without speaking a word.
"If he can cast wandless magic, why bother with his wand at all?" Ron asked, blinking with confusion.
"Because it's easier to control with a wand. And casting without a wand usually drains a wizard's power." Black answered, folding his arms and glaring down at Snape. "Apparently, laws of nature don't fit well with Severus' drive for power."
"The rune amplifies his natural abilities." Lupin said softly. "And it's a very powerful rune. I don't even want to think of the ceremony he must have undergone to have it burned there."
"Probably did it himself, the sick wanker." Black growled.
"So, it lets him cast spells without tiring?" Harry asked, still trying to work it all out.
"Not exactly." Lupin stated. "It would still drain him. In fact, depending on the spell, it would probably be more of a leech on his strength. It just allows him more control, and bigger spells."
"Like?" Ron asked.
Lupin glanced over, a worried look in his eyes. "Like Unforgivables."
Snape was sitting up now, his eyes returned to their normal black with the discernable white around his iris. He glared at Lupin. "Kwiath."
Lupin looked away, but then turned back towards Snape. "You're a fool."
Snape blew a raspberry.
~
"What if he kills us?!" Ron stated in a strangled whisper.
"He's not going to kill us, Ron." Harry replied, in an aggrieved tone. He had been allaying Ron's fears for over an hour while attempting to read Snape's journal. Snape himself was napping away on the couch next to them. Ron continued to peer at Snape every now and again with wide eyes.
"You sure?" Ron frowned. "I mean—maybe he won't do it on purpose. Maybe we'll just take a toy away and he'll get really angry over it and then 'poof'-- we're dead."
"If that were the case, I'd have been dead when I washed his hair or Hermione refused to hand over his wand." Harry pointed out reasonably. "Besides, you don't just accidentally cast an unforgivable. There has to be intent and concentration behind it, something Snape doesn't have."
"He made that window explode." Ron replied, scooting further away from Snape and Harry.
"And it knocked him out." Harry turned another page in the journal. "Besides, that was just a burst of magic. I've done it before, not meaning to. Well—not with black eyes mind you—but I blew up my Aunt that one time. It's not the same as casting an Unforgivable. That's a heat of the moment type of thing."
"Still." Ron folded his arms in stubborn defiance. "I don't trust him, Harry."
"He's a baby, Ron." Harry said as he turned another page. "Even the Slytherins have to wait until they're at least five to begin their plans for world conquest."
Ron scowled at Harry's sarcastic tone. "I know he's a baby, I helped change his diapers, remember?"
"Oh, that reminds me," Harry looked over, "do you know anything about pody training?"
"No!" Ron proclaimed a little too loudly. Snape stirred momentarily, before falling right back to sleep.
"Hermione will probably know." Harry decided. "I'll ask her when she gets back."
Ron scowled and continued in his sulking. "No baby I've ever known had that type of power."
"How many have you known?" Harry asked curiously, glancing up from the journal.
Ron glared daggers. "Just the one. Still, I've never heard of it before."
Harry suddenly paused and rubbed his scar without realizing it. "I have."
Ron suddenly deflated. "Yeah." He looked over at his friend. "I suppose I have heard of one before."
Harry sprang straight up, causing Snape to grumble and roll over. "Ron—do you think…"
"Nah." Ron replied. "Someone would have figured that out if it was so simple."
"Maybe someone has." Harry said quietly.
Before Ron could ask 'who', Harry told the red head to look after Snape, and then left the Common Room.
~
Dumbledore was humming away as he composed yet another letter to Fudge assuring him that he had no plans to take over the Ministry when a knock on the door made him glance up. "Come in."
He lifted a silver brow as Harry stepped in and shut the door behind him. He crossed the office and plopped into a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk. "There's a rune on my forehead, isn't there?"
Dumbledore blinked quickly, before sighing and setting the quill down. Fudge would have to wait. "There is."
"Why haven't you told me this before?" Harry asked, his green eyes flashing with annoyance.
Dumbledore sat back in his chair and folded his hands over his stomach. "What I told you before was true. You mother sacrificed herself for you, Harry, and that sacrifice was what saved your life."
"But you've never said the spell she used." Harry replied crossly. "That's because it was all set up before Voldemort came to their house."
Dumbledore simply nodded.
"You knew he was going to go after my parents." Harry accused, pointing a finger.
"Which is why I thought it best for your parents and you to go into hiding." Dumbledore said. He then looked over towards the window, a sad look on his aged face. "I had no idea when the attack would come. The informant-"
Harry interrupted him. "Snape."
"Professor Snape." Dumbledore corrected as he looked over and nodded again. "Yes, Severus told us that Voldemort would be coming after the Potters. But he did not know when. He also told us there was a spy in the Order, but again, he did not know who the spy was."
Suddenly everything seemed to fall into place to Harry. "Snape put the rune there."
"He did." Dumbledore admitted, although he knew he didn't have to.
"Why?" Harry asked suddenly, leaning forward in his seat. "Why did he do it? Why is he always looking after me? He hates me."
"Severus is a complicated individual." Dumbledore stated while his thick white brows furrowed together. "I do not claim to understand his motives for everything. I believe the debt he owed to your father had much to do with it. Severus' family has a very strict code of honor, Harry." Dumbledore then popped a lemon drop into his mouth. "And you must understand, that a man like Severus, has many different levels of hatred. What he expresses towards you, although it may run deep, is nothing compared to the loathing he feels towards others who have wronged him. Or, most importantly, himself."
"It still doesn't explain why he hates me." Harry sat back in the seat, feeling so drained. He pressed a hand against his face, rubbing at his eyes from under his glasses.
"I'm afraid the only person who can tell you that is Severus." Dumbledore said apologetically.
~
Harry left Dumbledore's office with more questions than answers. He didn't even take note of the corridors as he walked through them. He nearly ran into Malfoy as he turned a corner.
Malfoy wasn't alone. A Hufflepuff, looking very worried and anxious, stuttered an apology and quickly turned to walk back down the corridor. Harry recognized him, Maxwell Boots, a seventh year prefect who was a beater on the Hufflepuff's Quidditch team and according to rumor, a good friend of Cedric's. Harry had obviously interrupted some hushed conversation between the Slytherin and Hufflepuff.
Malfoy's probably black mailing him or something. Harry thought nastily as he and Malfoy narrowed their eyes at one another.
"Well, well, Potter." Malfoy stated with the usually scorn reserved especially for when he addressed Harry. "You're alone. Aren't you supposed to be babysitting my Head of House?"
"He's with Ron." Harry stated just as coldly.
Malfoy's lip curled in disgust. "You left him with a Weasley? What is wrong with you Potter?"
"Ron's perfectly capable of watching over a sleeping toddler." Harry snapped back. Although, he had intentionally left out the part that Ron had tried to mail Snape to his mother. "Anyway, it's hardly any of your business."
Malfoy straightened up and stalked closer. He leaned right in front of Harry's face, noses inches away, and spoke very softly. "Everything that happens to the Professor is my business. So you'd better make sure nothing does, Potter, or you'll have the entire Slytherin house out for your blood."
"What? You think the Slytherins scare me Malfoy?" Harry laughed, drawing away. "I've got Voldemort after my neck. Why should you and your chums worry me?"
Malfoy bared his teeth. "That Gryffindor bravado is going to get you killed, Potter."
"Maybe." Harry conceded without flinching. "But you're definitely right about one thing, Malfoy." Harry's eyes narrowed into slits, "nothing better happen to Snape."
Malfoy's own eyes narrowed, but with only a bit of venom. Harry realized Malfoy had received the warning loud and clear, and was trying to figure out why Harry would have delivered it. Malfoy was re-evaluating Harry, as if his prey had suddenly caught onto the trap's scent.
Harry hated the games that were played in the snake pit. The only thing he hated even more was becoming one of the participants.
Malfoy smirked slightly, and seemed to have just accepted some sort of challenge. He then walked smoothly past Harry leaving a breeze of expensive cologne in his wake. The Gryffindor turned and watched his rival until the blonde head disappeared from view around another corner. He only realized his fists were balled when he forced his fingers to unclench.
Harry had the oddest feeling that Malfoy was about to move upwind.
~
Author's Notes:
We're approaching something here folks. The pieces have been set, and the board is about to go into motion. Please make sure your seat and tray table is in the upright and locked position. Buckle up, there's turbulence ahead.
~
Story Notes (a.k.a. Obscure references…)
"And snakes. What is it with Slytherins and snakes? You don't see me pulling a Griffin around on a leash." –Sirius Black
This is actually my little homage to Snippy and Snarky's story- Trading Spaces. If you haven't read it, GO NOW. It is so funny, clever, and just all around awesome. Believe me, you will quote it. In their story, there are mascots for all the houses. Snakes for Slytherin, and a Griffin for Gryffindor.
**
Dumbledore patted his shoulder fondly. "I'm always pleased when I can teach a new trick."
Can't teach an old dog new tricks. ^.-
**
…catching him right before he walked into the jaws of an enormous Venus Flytrap named Audrey II who had a very unusual taste for blood and an even stranger habit of breaking out into song.
The plant licked its green lips as it turned to Seamus with its gigantic bulbous green head. "Feed me Seamus!"
"Not again." Seamus said, a strange look crossing over his face before he handed Snape back to the others.
Audrey II was an alien plant that liked to eat people in Little Shop of Horrors (Rick Morranis, Steve Martin, and Bill Murray). The pet shop owner, Seymore, ended up stuck with the unpleasant task of having to feed Audrey (Seamus standing in for Seymore). I've always thought this movie was hilarious ^.^,,
**
El DoradoA mythical city made out of gold. Many explorers and treasure hunters spent their lives trying to find it, but of course, no one ever did. This is also the title to one of my favorite poems by Poe. To me, it's always represented the unattainable.
~
Baby (Toddler?) Babble:
pushunz- potions
Myneeeeee- 'Mione (Hermione)
I wan it- I want it.
I'LL THAKE POINTHS- I'll take points.
AHH HA- uh huh
YETH- yes
Twee- Tree
Yake- Lake
He knowth- He Knows
Canth- Can't
Wash 'fo Pushunz- Wash for potions.
POOPER MEAN- Potter mean.
Shud uph Bwack- Shut up Black.
Kwiath- Quiet