When I grow up...
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy"
**
Hello, my dear readers, ahh what fun it is to write a comedy while eating a lindt chocolate b-u-n-n-y.
Red Witch - Kelly torture? You got it!
Asteria - Storm shall get her revenge on Mystique
Rurouni Tyriel - Ahh now I know of whom you speak, here's some Hydra goodness just for you :D
Nessie6 - Sabes and Logan bikering right up!
BaronOBeefDip - Kurt trying to lose his weight? Tee hee
Shanie S - One changed member of the fantastic four done!
Taineyah - I think that, yes, Sabertooth can get chased up a tree by a dog
Draco-luver - Another request for Kelly torture! And more Jamie/Torpid/Ian fun?
Ellen - Hulk? You got it! Sam's fear of eyes and anything to do with them is from 'When the Adults are Away...'.
**
Chapter 7 - Smashy Smashy
**
"Uuuum....Miss Viper Lady?"
A teenage Viper groaned, turning her head to where an equally teenaged Omega Red was waving a hand in the air.
"Yes, Omega?", she said frustratedly.
"Well...I was thinking...will we really be able to be taking over the world in this way?"
Viper frowned. She drummed her hands on the La-zee-boy recliner which she had chosen for her throne. 'Comfortable AND practical'.
"Gauntlet assures me that this new weapon will help us take over the world, the world!!!", she took a deep breath, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Bwhahahaha!", laughed Omega, only to have Viper smack him up-side the head.
"Only I may do the evil laughter!", she said, "Gauntlet, bring in....Weapon W!"
A teenage Gauntlet strode proudly in, carrying a big, metal, heavily sealed box. He deposited on the table in front of Viper, before unlocking it. He got a grasper out and put it into the box pulling out...a little ball with some sort of weasel attached to it.
"....A novelty toy?", said Viper.
"No!", said Gauntlet, "this is the most deadly weapon known to man!"
He VERY carefully turned the ball on, watching as it rolled around the floor, the weasel seemingly chasing it. [1]
"Go, little weasel, go!", said Gauntlet, "look at it chase!!!"
".......I need a new job", muttered Viper.
**
"She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not"
Pyro sighed as he blew out fire petals on his fire daisy. How could Rogue dump him for the speedy boy? Well, he'd get 'em back, he'd burn them all!!! Pyro suddenly paused his his thoughts, glancing around.
"My Firey Sense is tingling!", he said, standing up, "don't burn out, little fire, Pyro's coming!".
With that, he dashed off, eventually coming to a large green teenager being attacked by a...wow, a guy made of FIRE!!
"Hulk SMASH!", shouted teen Hulk, throwing a car at Johnny's head, "die, puny fire-man!"
"'You can handle this on your own'", mocked an adult Human Torch, diving out of the way of the car, "'don't worry about it Johnny!' Hah, they just want to go off celebrating being teenagers!".
Suddenly, a pieces of his flaming hair moved off his body, eclosing the Hulk in a fire cage. Hulk growled, grabbing hold of the bars, then yelping like a hurt puppy.
"Owwie, bars burn Hulk!", he said, sitting down to suck on his thumb, "Hulk hates everyone, everyone's so mean to Hulk!"
As the green monster began to cry, Johnny turned to see his saviour, meeting a grinning Pyro.
"Errr..hi", said Johnny, flaming off, "I'm Johnny Storm, better known as the Human Torch, one of the Fantastic Four!"
Pyro blinked.
"Oh", said Johnny, coughing, "...there's usually applause after that. Err..thanks"
"You're welcome mate", said Pyro, "I'm St John Allerdyce, better known as Pyro, one of the Acolytes"
He paused.
"Johnny and St John, Pyro and Human Torch", he said, suddenly pulling Johnny into a hug, "we're soul mates, we are!"
"Err.....okay", said Johnny.
**
"Come on, fight that flab!", said Richard Simmons on TV, flamoyantly dancing back and forth of the screen.
"I'm TRYING!", snapped an overweight Kurt, trying to follow him, "if you veren't so damn cheery, it vould help!"
"No pain, no gain. Though the pain barrier, push it, push it!"
"Puuuuuushing", said Kurt in a strained voice, before collapsing on the floor.
"Good plan, Kurt, sleep more", said Freddy, "I gave up too. Never hurt me"
Kurt opened one eye.
"NEIN!", he said, "I vill vin back Amanda's love! I vill become thin and agile again! Freddy, vill you train vith me?!"
Freddy looked at Kurt as if he had grown an extra head.
"You must have me confused with another Freddy", he said, walking away.
**
Torpid sighed happily from where she was sitting in the park, feeding pigeons.
"Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime, you are neeaaar".
Torpid blinked, glancing around as Jamie appeared from behind a tree.
"Just like me, they long to be, close to yooooou" [2]
Jamie smiled, handing Torpid a rose.
"Sorry I scared you off", he said with a smile, then looked up as Ian walked from some bushes, pushing Pinciple Kelly in front of him. Principle Kelly sighed...he was dressed as a big teddy.
"This is rediculous", he snapped, "release me at once!"
Ian frowned, a little fire sparking around him.
"Okay, okay!", squeaked Kelly, dancing in front of Torpid, singing, "I'm your teddy bear, all for you, because Ian loves you!"
"Oh, gee, he rhymed 'you' with 'you', genius", said Jamie sarcastically.
Torpid rolled her eyes at the pair, taking off her gloves and grabbing them both, freezing them.
"Free!", said Kelly, preparing to run away before Toprid grabbed his ankle, "...or not".
As he froze, Torpid walked around him, carrying on along her way.
**
Meanwhile, Mystique was still dragging Forge along.
"Raven...can we slow down a bit...what are you running from, anyway?"
"Nothing!", said Mystique, "just enjoying a brisk stroll"
RUUUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBLLLLE
Mystique squeaked at the thunder, turning to see Storm limping towards them. Her hair was everywhere, she was dragging her right leg and she had gravel embedded in her face, but walking she was.
"Forge, loook over there!", said Mystique suddenly, pointing in the other direction
"Huh?", said Forge, turning around, the squeaking in suprise as Mystique snapped his bionic arm off, "HEY!".
"Sorry", said Mystique, before smacking Forge over the head with his arm [3]
THUNK. Forge hit the ground like a ton of bricks.
"What did you do that for?!", said Storm, limping over.
"If I can't have him, then you can't either!", snapped Mystique.
ZZZZZZAAAP!
Mystique squeaked as she was hit by several lighting bolts, then blinked as they stopped.
"Errr....I think we'd better get Forge to a doctor....he doesn't seem to be moving...", said Storm, giving him a prod.
**
"I can't believe you let a woman beat on us like that!", snapped Sabertooth as he and Logan, both frazzed by zarious lightning attacks.
"You don't know Storm, she can hold a grudge for a long time", said Logan with a shudder.
Suddenly, a little toy weasel on a ball rolled past them. Sabertooth blinked, before his eyes fixed on it.
"Brrmeow", he said, suddenly flattening onto his stomach, crawling after the ball. [4]
"Victor...get off the floor", said Logan, "come on, it's a stupid toy!"
"Meowpurr", said Sabertooth.
"He is taking the bait!", whispered Gauntlet from where he, Viper and Omega Red were hiding in the bushes.
"Grrrrrrrrrr!"
Sabertooth stopped dead. He turned to see a big domberman growling at him. His hair stood on end and he hissed, running up a tree, clinging to it with all his might. Logan shook his head, heading off to by the tree.
"Get down, you idiot"
"Hiiiiisssss!".
"DAMNIT!", snapped Viper, then blinked as the weasel ball moved towards them.
"Oh dear Gods, it is going to kill us all!", screamed Gauntlet.
"I will save us!", said Omega, picking it up, then blinking at it, "why for is it ticking?"
BOOOM!
**
[1] - Inspired by The Simpsons, gotta love Professor Frink.
[2] - Close to You, by the Carpenters.
[3] - From Mystique #12, where in their not-really-to-the-death fight, Mystique smacks mind-controled Forge with his own leg.....as you can guess, it was a rather..err violent battle, I'm suprised both of them are still alive, and looking so healthy three hours and fourty minutes later.
[4] - My own cat does this with his weasely bally toy thing.
Heh heh. Hope you all enjoyed that chapter, lots of pain in it, no? Do send in those requests. Until next time
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy"
**
Hello, my dear readers, ahh what fun it is to write a comedy while eating a lindt chocolate b-u-n-n-y.
Red Witch - Kelly torture? You got it!
Asteria - Storm shall get her revenge on Mystique
Rurouni Tyriel - Ahh now I know of whom you speak, here's some Hydra goodness just for you :D
Nessie6 - Sabes and Logan bikering right up!
BaronOBeefDip - Kurt trying to lose his weight? Tee hee
Shanie S - One changed member of the fantastic four done!
Taineyah - I think that, yes, Sabertooth can get chased up a tree by a dog
Draco-luver - Another request for Kelly torture! And more Jamie/Torpid/Ian fun?
Ellen - Hulk? You got it! Sam's fear of eyes and anything to do with them is from 'When the Adults are Away...'.
**
Chapter 7 - Smashy Smashy
**
"Uuuum....Miss Viper Lady?"
A teenage Viper groaned, turning her head to where an equally teenaged Omega Red was waving a hand in the air.
"Yes, Omega?", she said frustratedly.
"Well...I was thinking...will we really be able to be taking over the world in this way?"
Viper frowned. She drummed her hands on the La-zee-boy recliner which she had chosen for her throne. 'Comfortable AND practical'.
"Gauntlet assures me that this new weapon will help us take over the world, the world!!!", she took a deep breath, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Bwhahahaha!", laughed Omega, only to have Viper smack him up-side the head.
"Only I may do the evil laughter!", she said, "Gauntlet, bring in....Weapon W!"
A teenage Gauntlet strode proudly in, carrying a big, metal, heavily sealed box. He deposited on the table in front of Viper, before unlocking it. He got a grasper out and put it into the box pulling out...a little ball with some sort of weasel attached to it.
"....A novelty toy?", said Viper.
"No!", said Gauntlet, "this is the most deadly weapon known to man!"
He VERY carefully turned the ball on, watching as it rolled around the floor, the weasel seemingly chasing it. [1]
"Go, little weasel, go!", said Gauntlet, "look at it chase!!!"
".......I need a new job", muttered Viper.
**
"She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not"
Pyro sighed as he blew out fire petals on his fire daisy. How could Rogue dump him for the speedy boy? Well, he'd get 'em back, he'd burn them all!!! Pyro suddenly paused his his thoughts, glancing around.
"My Firey Sense is tingling!", he said, standing up, "don't burn out, little fire, Pyro's coming!".
With that, he dashed off, eventually coming to a large green teenager being attacked by a...wow, a guy made of FIRE!!
"Hulk SMASH!", shouted teen Hulk, throwing a car at Johnny's head, "die, puny fire-man!"
"'You can handle this on your own'", mocked an adult Human Torch, diving out of the way of the car, "'don't worry about it Johnny!' Hah, they just want to go off celebrating being teenagers!".
Suddenly, a pieces of his flaming hair moved off his body, eclosing the Hulk in a fire cage. Hulk growled, grabbing hold of the bars, then yelping like a hurt puppy.
"Owwie, bars burn Hulk!", he said, sitting down to suck on his thumb, "Hulk hates everyone, everyone's so mean to Hulk!"
As the green monster began to cry, Johnny turned to see his saviour, meeting a grinning Pyro.
"Errr..hi", said Johnny, flaming off, "I'm Johnny Storm, better known as the Human Torch, one of the Fantastic Four!"
Pyro blinked.
"Oh", said Johnny, coughing, "...there's usually applause after that. Err..thanks"
"You're welcome mate", said Pyro, "I'm St John Allerdyce, better known as Pyro, one of the Acolytes"
He paused.
"Johnny and St John, Pyro and Human Torch", he said, suddenly pulling Johnny into a hug, "we're soul mates, we are!"
"Err.....okay", said Johnny.
**
"Come on, fight that flab!", said Richard Simmons on TV, flamoyantly dancing back and forth of the screen.
"I'm TRYING!", snapped an overweight Kurt, trying to follow him, "if you veren't so damn cheery, it vould help!"
"No pain, no gain. Though the pain barrier, push it, push it!"
"Puuuuuushing", said Kurt in a strained voice, before collapsing on the floor.
"Good plan, Kurt, sleep more", said Freddy, "I gave up too. Never hurt me"
Kurt opened one eye.
"NEIN!", he said, "I vill vin back Amanda's love! I vill become thin and agile again! Freddy, vill you train vith me?!"
Freddy looked at Kurt as if he had grown an extra head.
"You must have me confused with another Freddy", he said, walking away.
**
Torpid sighed happily from where she was sitting in the park, feeding pigeons.
"Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime, you are neeaaar".
Torpid blinked, glancing around as Jamie appeared from behind a tree.
"Just like me, they long to be, close to yooooou" [2]
Jamie smiled, handing Torpid a rose.
"Sorry I scared you off", he said with a smile, then looked up as Ian walked from some bushes, pushing Pinciple Kelly in front of him. Principle Kelly sighed...he was dressed as a big teddy.
"This is rediculous", he snapped, "release me at once!"
Ian frowned, a little fire sparking around him.
"Okay, okay!", squeaked Kelly, dancing in front of Torpid, singing, "I'm your teddy bear, all for you, because Ian loves you!"
"Oh, gee, he rhymed 'you' with 'you', genius", said Jamie sarcastically.
Torpid rolled her eyes at the pair, taking off her gloves and grabbing them both, freezing them.
"Free!", said Kelly, preparing to run away before Toprid grabbed his ankle, "...or not".
As he froze, Torpid walked around him, carrying on along her way.
**
Meanwhile, Mystique was still dragging Forge along.
"Raven...can we slow down a bit...what are you running from, anyway?"
"Nothing!", said Mystique, "just enjoying a brisk stroll"
RUUUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBLLLLE
Mystique squeaked at the thunder, turning to see Storm limping towards them. Her hair was everywhere, she was dragging her right leg and she had gravel embedded in her face, but walking she was.
"Forge, loook over there!", said Mystique suddenly, pointing in the other direction
"Huh?", said Forge, turning around, the squeaking in suprise as Mystique snapped his bionic arm off, "HEY!".
"Sorry", said Mystique, before smacking Forge over the head with his arm [3]
THUNK. Forge hit the ground like a ton of bricks.
"What did you do that for?!", said Storm, limping over.
"If I can't have him, then you can't either!", snapped Mystique.
ZZZZZZAAAP!
Mystique squeaked as she was hit by several lighting bolts, then blinked as they stopped.
"Errr....I think we'd better get Forge to a doctor....he doesn't seem to be moving...", said Storm, giving him a prod.
**
"I can't believe you let a woman beat on us like that!", snapped Sabertooth as he and Logan, both frazzed by zarious lightning attacks.
"You don't know Storm, she can hold a grudge for a long time", said Logan with a shudder.
Suddenly, a little toy weasel on a ball rolled past them. Sabertooth blinked, before his eyes fixed on it.
"Brrmeow", he said, suddenly flattening onto his stomach, crawling after the ball. [4]
"Victor...get off the floor", said Logan, "come on, it's a stupid toy!"
"Meowpurr", said Sabertooth.
"He is taking the bait!", whispered Gauntlet from where he, Viper and Omega Red were hiding in the bushes.
"Grrrrrrrrrr!"
Sabertooth stopped dead. He turned to see a big domberman growling at him. His hair stood on end and he hissed, running up a tree, clinging to it with all his might. Logan shook his head, heading off to by the tree.
"Get down, you idiot"
"Hiiiiisssss!".
"DAMNIT!", snapped Viper, then blinked as the weasel ball moved towards them.
"Oh dear Gods, it is going to kill us all!", screamed Gauntlet.
"I will save us!", said Omega, picking it up, then blinking at it, "why for is it ticking?"
BOOOM!
**
[1] - Inspired by The Simpsons, gotta love Professor Frink.
[2] - Close to You, by the Carpenters.
[3] - From Mystique #12, where in their not-really-to-the-death fight, Mystique smacks mind-controled Forge with his own leg.....as you can guess, it was a rather..err violent battle, I'm suprised both of them are still alive, and looking so healthy three hours and fourty minutes later.
[4] - My own cat does this with his weasely bally toy thing.
Heh heh. Hope you all enjoyed that chapter, lots of pain in it, no? Do send in those requests. Until next time