When I grow up...
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "I'm going to teach you to flee. Flee with the blinding speed of a true coward"
---
Hey howdy hey, readers! Here is yet another chapter of this mad fic, after my adventures in America. Good news, UK peeps, season 4 of Evo is starting here on Monday, Toonami, 6pm...okay, so it starts with the last 4 episodes of season 3, but then it goes onto season 4. WHOO!
---
Asteria - Plot?. What is this word...'plot'?
The Uncanny R-Man - Well, I don't know most of those characters, I usually stay firmly in the X-Men area. I've already had Fantastic 4, but I think I can toss in a Galctus :D
Nessie6 - Yes, it was from the Simpsons, it was a reader request. More wombat army is yours!
Red Witch - Epcot I did indeed go....during a monsoon too, being trapped in 'Inovations' for half an hour with a talking robot....what an interesting experience ;)
Draco-luver - Oh fear not, you shall see a trip to the Aligator farm in my next 'pick on a group' fic. Laughs evily But you can certainally see Cookie.
Honeybug17 - Yes, a very hot place Florida is, my poor Welsh head could hardly handle it when it started hitting the 90's. Magnus, okey dokey :D
The crow caws at half pass 6 - One Thor making one Bruce Banner angry up and done!
Raliena - You can indeed have Batman :D
Archmaugs - Mags having age issues? You got it.
SperryDee - One teen Caliban, just for you. TJ calling Mystique 'grandma'? Tee hee.
BaronOBeefDip - Kurt in the record books? Magneto going Simpsonic? Such fun!
Randomnimity - Spider-woman in a battle with Calisto for Mr Stark? You got it.
Many people have asked me to include Selene, sadly, she is one of the characters I can't really figure out (her entries in my X-Men encyclodedias make my head spin), so I'll try and squease her in during these final few chapters, if someone can give me an idiots guide to her ;)
------
Chapter 13 - Has anybody seen our Professor?
-----
"The wommie party goes marching two by two, horah, horah!"
Pyro giggled manically as he led his flaming wombat army through Bayville. He paused when a dark shadow in the shape of a bat fell on him.
"Oh my God!", he screamed, "it's Kiwi Ken!"
Batman landed next to him, blinking.
"I'm not Kiwi Ken", he said, then coughed, making his voice deeper, "I'm your worst nightmare"
Pyro blinked.
"You're a spork?....You don't look like one"
"No.....no I am not a spork"
Pyro's brow furrowed.
"Then you're not my worst nightmare, mate"
Batman cocked his head to the side.
"Are you trying to play mind games with me?", he asked, "because I have a defense against that!"
With that, Batman closed his eyes, and began to hum Frère Jacques..loudly. [1]
"You're madder than me, you are", said Pyro, shaking his head, "but I like you"
He clapped an arm around Batman's back.
"Lets go drinking!"
-----
Kurt sighed boredly, wondering when his life had gotten so...out of whack. Oh wait, that's it, when his alternate dimension daughter showed up, making Amanda run off from him and making him eat so much he could bearly move.....funny how things worked out, huh? He peered over the edge of the wheelbarrow he was being carted around in. Oh, what he'd give for freedom again.
"Oh, this is SO great, Boris", said the little old lady, "you've got into the record books for the worlds heaviest cat, aren't you proud?!" [2]
"I'm not a cat!!!", screamed Kurt, "didn't the judges even see that I am...vell...I'm not exactly sure VHAT I am, but I know I'm not a cat!"
"Yes, we'll get you some meowmix soon", said the old lady.
"That's IT!", snapped Kurt, "I'm getting out of here!"
With that, he half-fell, half-rolled out of his wheelbarrow, and began rolling down the hill. The old lady carried on toddling along without him, apparently not noticing the loss of her 'cat'. Kurt rolled and rolled down the hill, until something stopped him.
"Ahhhh, sweet freedom", he sighed, looking up to see himself at the foot of....a giant wooden rabbit?.
Kurt blinked again, looking a little higher to see the head and torso of Gaunlet peering out.
"Hello", said Gauntlet, "can you be helping me out?"
Kurt blinked once more, before doing the only logical thing he could do.
"ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!"
-------
Elsewhere, Scott and Jean were walking around Bayville, shouting as loud as they could.
"PROFESSOR?!!!"
"PROFESSOR XAVIER, WHERE ARE YOU?!!!"
"PROFESSOR?, PROFESSOR, COME HOME!"
"I think we've lost him, Jean", said Scott with a defeated sigh, "what if he was really serious about quitting?"
Jean waved her hand.
"Scott, he said he was really serious when he wanted to be an ostrich farmer...and that fell through" [3]
"Yes but...we can't find him", said Scott, begining to hyperventilate, "what will we do without him? Our whole dream will fall to pieces. WE'LL ALL DIE!!!"
Jean blinked.
"You know, I think the others are right", she said, "you DO have waaaay too close a relationship with the Professor"
----
Meanwhile, deep in the Morlock caverns, Calisto had straddled poor Tony Starks suit and was tickling his chin.
"You and me could make beautifull music together", she purrred.
"I'm not very musical!", squealed Tony, "I'm an inventor. Inventors are tone deaf, honest!"
Calisto blinked.
"I always thought that Reed Richards had a very nice voice", she said.
"Well, Reed's just weird!", snapped Tony, "just like that Forge guy. Thinks he's so big. He's not a real inventor. He cheats, snot nosed little..."
There was a sudden THUNK sound as a rock landed on his head from a gutter up top.
"Owww, my eye!", snapped Tony.
There was the sound of evil laughter, before the sound of thunder crackling.
"Topsiders", muttered Calisto, "they're all a bunch of freaks and weirdos"
"UNHAND THAT MAN!"
Calisto rolled her eye.
"I heard you coming a mile away", she said, turning to look at Spider- woman, "what do ya want, you Peter Parker wannabe?"
"I want Tony Wony back!", she said, "we have a datey waitey"
Calisto blinked, looking between the two.
"Datey Waitey?", she said, before smirking at Spider-woman, "too bad, he's got a real woman now. CALIBAN, DISPOSE OF THE SPIDER-PERSON!"
A teen Caliban, still looking like an extra from Michael Jackson's Thriller music video, trudged in with a frown. [4]
"I am not a sssssslave, you know", he said, "I have a life too. Doessss anyone asssk Caliban what HE'D like to do? NOOOOOO!".
A small aligator toddled in after him, snapping her jaws around. Calisto wrinkled her nose.
"Didn't I tell you to get rid of that thing?!", she said.
"Cookie?", said Caliban, pointing at the gator, "ssssshe won't go!" [5]
"Oh please!", said Facade, appearing where he'd been camoflaged on the wall, "you're getting attached to her!"
"Errr...I'm in a bit of a precarious position for such an audience", said Tony with a nervous laugh, still being pinned by Calisto.
The Morlocks, however, ignored him.
"Am not!", snapped Caliban, looking down as Cookie nuzzled his leg, "I'm leaving!"
With that, he stormed out, Cookie following happily behind. Once they were out of earshot, Caliban pciked her up tickling her chin.
"Who'sss a cute little gator?", he said in the best 'baby voice' he could manage, "you are! Yesss, you are"
----
Elsewhere in Bayville, Thor was poking the now sleeping Hulk with his hammer...Or at least nudging the hammer in Hulk's general direction, still unable to pick it up.
"Waketh thou up, green fiend, and take thine beating!".
Banner opened one eye.
"Leave Hulk alone!", he snapped, "Don't poke pointy puny hammer in Hulks face".
"Have at thee!", shouted Thor, then looked at his hammer, trying to lift it, "this...really...sucketh".
Banner was pulling himself up to crush Thor to a pulp when a teen Galactus appeared.
"Mom told me to clean my room!", he snapped, "she said I couldn't have any snacks. But this is only a little planet, so it won't do MUCH harm".
"GALACTUS!", came a booming womans voice, "what have I told you about snacking on planets before tidying your room?!!"
"Awwwww, but MOOOOOOOM!", whined Galactus.
"Straight to be this minute, mister!", snapped..err...Mrs Galactus seinior
Galactus sighed, flying off, muttering about hwo much his parents hated him.
"Okay.....that was weird", said Hulk.
"I agreeth", said Thor, blinking.
-------
Meanwhile, Noctune, Wanda and Todd were still trying to bring Magneto back into the waking world.
"Dad...dad, wake up", said Wanda giving him a prod.
"Lensheer, Erik Lensheer, he's the greatest guy in history", sang the barely concious super-villian, "from the twon of Bayville, he's too old to be a grandpappy"
Wanda frowned, giving him a kick.
"WAKE UP!"
Magneto opened one sleepy eye, giving a groan.
"Oh, I had the most terrible dream", he said, "I dreamt that we were having a picnic and I had an alternate dimension granddaughter, and then I hit a tree and..."
He paused, looking around him, Noctune still smiling at him, Todd on a nearby rock and Wanda in mid-kick.
"Oh...it was real", he said, then sniffled, "but I'm too young and beautifull to be a grandfather!!!"
"No, you're not, you're old and you smell funny", said Mystique, walking over after her recent 'escape' from Storm.
"Grandma!", squealed Noctune, giving the shapeshifter a hug.
"Raven, meet the alternate version child of my daughter and your son", he said.
WHUMP.
Noctune blinked, poking Mystique, who was now on the floor.
"I have an odd effect on people in this world", she mused.
Suddenly, there was a rip in the space-time-continum and Magnus fell out, blinking around him, before noticing Magneto and grinning.
"FATHER!"
Magneto blinked, counting on his fingers.
"Awww, come on, not ANOTHER one!"
------
[1] - This scene was inspired by an episode of Justice League I saw, where Batman does just this to get rid of some...weird skull-badguy. I just find the image of the dark knight humming such a sickeningly happy tune highly funny.
[2] - If you're wondering, the heaviest cat to ever grace the record books was Himmy, a tabby tom cat from Austrailia, who reached 21.3kg/46.9lb. Himmy, not suprisingly, died of respiritory failiure in 1986, at the age of 10. Bet you really wanted to know that, huh?
[3] - This is just one of the many bizare ideas my father makes on a monthly basis. Other memorable ideas include the 'homing pigeon taxi'and, most recently the 'petrol driven lawnmower collection'. This is very tue...fear for me. Boy, I hope it's not genetic 0.o
[4] - If you haven't seen this music video, I truly pitty you.
[5] - Again, this is a reference to Teacher Training. Let's just say it involved Warren, Eggs and a Toilet.
There's another chapter done and dusted. There's not that many chapters left, but still a few, no need for the pitchforks just yet ;) Do review and request. Until next time
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "I'm going to teach you to flee. Flee with the blinding speed of a true coward"
---
Hey howdy hey, readers! Here is yet another chapter of this mad fic, after my adventures in America. Good news, UK peeps, season 4 of Evo is starting here on Monday, Toonami, 6pm...okay, so it starts with the last 4 episodes of season 3, but then it goes onto season 4. WHOO!
---
Asteria - Plot?. What is this word...'plot'?
The Uncanny R-Man - Well, I don't know most of those characters, I usually stay firmly in the X-Men area. I've already had Fantastic 4, but I think I can toss in a Galctus :D
Nessie6 - Yes, it was from the Simpsons, it was a reader request. More wombat army is yours!
Red Witch - Epcot I did indeed go....during a monsoon too, being trapped in 'Inovations' for half an hour with a talking robot....what an interesting experience ;)
Draco-luver - Oh fear not, you shall see a trip to the Aligator farm in my next 'pick on a group' fic. Laughs evily But you can certainally see Cookie.
Honeybug17 - Yes, a very hot place Florida is, my poor Welsh head could hardly handle it when it started hitting the 90's. Magnus, okey dokey :D
The crow caws at half pass 6 - One Thor making one Bruce Banner angry up and done!
Raliena - You can indeed have Batman :D
Archmaugs - Mags having age issues? You got it.
SperryDee - One teen Caliban, just for you. TJ calling Mystique 'grandma'? Tee hee.
BaronOBeefDip - Kurt in the record books? Magneto going Simpsonic? Such fun!
Randomnimity - Spider-woman in a battle with Calisto for Mr Stark? You got it.
Many people have asked me to include Selene, sadly, she is one of the characters I can't really figure out (her entries in my X-Men encyclodedias make my head spin), so I'll try and squease her in during these final few chapters, if someone can give me an idiots guide to her ;)
------
Chapter 13 - Has anybody seen our Professor?
-----
"The wommie party goes marching two by two, horah, horah!"
Pyro giggled manically as he led his flaming wombat army through Bayville. He paused when a dark shadow in the shape of a bat fell on him.
"Oh my God!", he screamed, "it's Kiwi Ken!"
Batman landed next to him, blinking.
"I'm not Kiwi Ken", he said, then coughed, making his voice deeper, "I'm your worst nightmare"
Pyro blinked.
"You're a spork?....You don't look like one"
"No.....no I am not a spork"
Pyro's brow furrowed.
"Then you're not my worst nightmare, mate"
Batman cocked his head to the side.
"Are you trying to play mind games with me?", he asked, "because I have a defense against that!"
With that, Batman closed his eyes, and began to hum Frère Jacques..loudly. [1]
"You're madder than me, you are", said Pyro, shaking his head, "but I like you"
He clapped an arm around Batman's back.
"Lets go drinking!"
-----
Kurt sighed boredly, wondering when his life had gotten so...out of whack. Oh wait, that's it, when his alternate dimension daughter showed up, making Amanda run off from him and making him eat so much he could bearly move.....funny how things worked out, huh? He peered over the edge of the wheelbarrow he was being carted around in. Oh, what he'd give for freedom again.
"Oh, this is SO great, Boris", said the little old lady, "you've got into the record books for the worlds heaviest cat, aren't you proud?!" [2]
"I'm not a cat!!!", screamed Kurt, "didn't the judges even see that I am...vell...I'm not exactly sure VHAT I am, but I know I'm not a cat!"
"Yes, we'll get you some meowmix soon", said the old lady.
"That's IT!", snapped Kurt, "I'm getting out of here!"
With that, he half-fell, half-rolled out of his wheelbarrow, and began rolling down the hill. The old lady carried on toddling along without him, apparently not noticing the loss of her 'cat'. Kurt rolled and rolled down the hill, until something stopped him.
"Ahhhh, sweet freedom", he sighed, looking up to see himself at the foot of....a giant wooden rabbit?.
Kurt blinked again, looking a little higher to see the head and torso of Gaunlet peering out.
"Hello", said Gauntlet, "can you be helping me out?"
Kurt blinked once more, before doing the only logical thing he could do.
"ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!"
-------
Elsewhere, Scott and Jean were walking around Bayville, shouting as loud as they could.
"PROFESSOR?!!!"
"PROFESSOR XAVIER, WHERE ARE YOU?!!!"
"PROFESSOR?, PROFESSOR, COME HOME!"
"I think we've lost him, Jean", said Scott with a defeated sigh, "what if he was really serious about quitting?"
Jean waved her hand.
"Scott, he said he was really serious when he wanted to be an ostrich farmer...and that fell through" [3]
"Yes but...we can't find him", said Scott, begining to hyperventilate, "what will we do without him? Our whole dream will fall to pieces. WE'LL ALL DIE!!!"
Jean blinked.
"You know, I think the others are right", she said, "you DO have waaaay too close a relationship with the Professor"
----
Meanwhile, deep in the Morlock caverns, Calisto had straddled poor Tony Starks suit and was tickling his chin.
"You and me could make beautifull music together", she purrred.
"I'm not very musical!", squealed Tony, "I'm an inventor. Inventors are tone deaf, honest!"
Calisto blinked.
"I always thought that Reed Richards had a very nice voice", she said.
"Well, Reed's just weird!", snapped Tony, "just like that Forge guy. Thinks he's so big. He's not a real inventor. He cheats, snot nosed little..."
There was a sudden THUNK sound as a rock landed on his head from a gutter up top.
"Owww, my eye!", snapped Tony.
There was the sound of evil laughter, before the sound of thunder crackling.
"Topsiders", muttered Calisto, "they're all a bunch of freaks and weirdos"
"UNHAND THAT MAN!"
Calisto rolled her eye.
"I heard you coming a mile away", she said, turning to look at Spider- woman, "what do ya want, you Peter Parker wannabe?"
"I want Tony Wony back!", she said, "we have a datey waitey"
Calisto blinked, looking between the two.
"Datey Waitey?", she said, before smirking at Spider-woman, "too bad, he's got a real woman now. CALIBAN, DISPOSE OF THE SPIDER-PERSON!"
A teen Caliban, still looking like an extra from Michael Jackson's Thriller music video, trudged in with a frown. [4]
"I am not a sssssslave, you know", he said, "I have a life too. Doessss anyone asssk Caliban what HE'D like to do? NOOOOOO!".
A small aligator toddled in after him, snapping her jaws around. Calisto wrinkled her nose.
"Didn't I tell you to get rid of that thing?!", she said.
"Cookie?", said Caliban, pointing at the gator, "ssssshe won't go!" [5]
"Oh please!", said Facade, appearing where he'd been camoflaged on the wall, "you're getting attached to her!"
"Errr...I'm in a bit of a precarious position for such an audience", said Tony with a nervous laugh, still being pinned by Calisto.
The Morlocks, however, ignored him.
"Am not!", snapped Caliban, looking down as Cookie nuzzled his leg, "I'm leaving!"
With that, he stormed out, Cookie following happily behind. Once they were out of earshot, Caliban pciked her up tickling her chin.
"Who'sss a cute little gator?", he said in the best 'baby voice' he could manage, "you are! Yesss, you are"
----
Elsewhere in Bayville, Thor was poking the now sleeping Hulk with his hammer...Or at least nudging the hammer in Hulk's general direction, still unable to pick it up.
"Waketh thou up, green fiend, and take thine beating!".
Banner opened one eye.
"Leave Hulk alone!", he snapped, "Don't poke pointy puny hammer in Hulks face".
"Have at thee!", shouted Thor, then looked at his hammer, trying to lift it, "this...really...sucketh".
Banner was pulling himself up to crush Thor to a pulp when a teen Galactus appeared.
"Mom told me to clean my room!", he snapped, "she said I couldn't have any snacks. But this is only a little planet, so it won't do MUCH harm".
"GALACTUS!", came a booming womans voice, "what have I told you about snacking on planets before tidying your room?!!"
"Awwwww, but MOOOOOOOM!", whined Galactus.
"Straight to be this minute, mister!", snapped..err...Mrs Galactus seinior
Galactus sighed, flying off, muttering about hwo much his parents hated him.
"Okay.....that was weird", said Hulk.
"I agreeth", said Thor, blinking.
-------
Meanwhile, Noctune, Wanda and Todd were still trying to bring Magneto back into the waking world.
"Dad...dad, wake up", said Wanda giving him a prod.
"Lensheer, Erik Lensheer, he's the greatest guy in history", sang the barely concious super-villian, "from the twon of Bayville, he's too old to be a grandpappy"
Wanda frowned, giving him a kick.
"WAKE UP!"
Magneto opened one sleepy eye, giving a groan.
"Oh, I had the most terrible dream", he said, "I dreamt that we were having a picnic and I had an alternate dimension granddaughter, and then I hit a tree and..."
He paused, looking around him, Noctune still smiling at him, Todd on a nearby rock and Wanda in mid-kick.
"Oh...it was real", he said, then sniffled, "but I'm too young and beautifull to be a grandfather!!!"
"No, you're not, you're old and you smell funny", said Mystique, walking over after her recent 'escape' from Storm.
"Grandma!", squealed Noctune, giving the shapeshifter a hug.
"Raven, meet the alternate version child of my daughter and your son", he said.
WHUMP.
Noctune blinked, poking Mystique, who was now on the floor.
"I have an odd effect on people in this world", she mused.
Suddenly, there was a rip in the space-time-continum and Magnus fell out, blinking around him, before noticing Magneto and grinning.
"FATHER!"
Magneto blinked, counting on his fingers.
"Awww, come on, not ANOTHER one!"
------
[1] - This scene was inspired by an episode of Justice League I saw, where Batman does just this to get rid of some...weird skull-badguy. I just find the image of the dark knight humming such a sickeningly happy tune highly funny.
[2] - If you're wondering, the heaviest cat to ever grace the record books was Himmy, a tabby tom cat from Austrailia, who reached 21.3kg/46.9lb. Himmy, not suprisingly, died of respiritory failiure in 1986, at the age of 10. Bet you really wanted to know that, huh?
[3] - This is just one of the many bizare ideas my father makes on a monthly basis. Other memorable ideas include the 'homing pigeon taxi'and, most recently the 'petrol driven lawnmower collection'. This is very tue...fear for me. Boy, I hope it's not genetic 0.o
[4] - If you haven't seen this music video, I truly pitty you.
[5] - Again, this is a reference to Teacher Training. Let's just say it involved Warren, Eggs and a Toilet.
There's another chapter done and dusted. There's not that many chapters left, but still a few, no need for the pitchforks just yet ;) Do review and request. Until next time