A/N: This is my take on the whole Alex/Olivia thing from "Loss". I'm big
on using songs to get my point across
Disclaimer: It has come to my attention that the SVU characters are not
mine. Lydia, the diner, and the Powers Plaza are. The songs are Sunday
Morning by Maroon 5, and Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk.
Author: Lady Taevyn
All I Need
She sits alone in the booth at the diner she has come to think of as a second home. At least for the last year and a half it had been, since she went into the Witness Protection Program. Since she moved to this God- forsaken town in the middle of nowhere, she hadn't gotten a good nights sleep. It was too quiet she missed the constant noise of the city. Listening to the music on the radio she hears a song that hits home in more ways then one.
That may be all I need.
In darkness she is all I see.
So come and rest your bones with me,
Driving slow on Sunday morning and I never want to leave.
"Olivia" Alex whispers quietly. Saying the name like a prayer to whatever Gods may be listening. The waitress comes back to fill her coffee mug, she is lost so deep in her thoughts she doesn't even notice. Alex curses the man that has forced her so far away from the one person she needs. 'When did my feelings for Olivia get so deep?', the blonde asks herself, already knowing the answer, it had happened in the few months leading up to the shooting that forced Alex to leave. They would pass each other little glances whenever Alex was in the squad room; on their days off they had started going to lunch together. Alex laughs a little to herself remembering the night they had decided to go out for drinks, they somehow managed to catch a cab and ended up at Olivia's apartment sitting on the sofa giggling at absolutely nothing.
But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do.
I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew,
That someday it would lead me back to you.
That someday it would lead me back to you.
Alex wipes the tear away from her eye before it has a chance to escape. Realizing that she had let the memories get too close to the surface, she knows she has to do something to try to forget them. They are in her past, a past she doesn't think she will ever be able to get back to. Getting up from the table she throws some money down knowing she needs to get out, get away from the song that she knows she will never forget. Its truth screams in her face. Each night when she closes her eyes first she sees the darkness, then those chocolate eyes so filled with what Alex hoped was love, then as the knowledge that the woman in her arms was dying fear would cross Olivia's eyes. She wishes she could just "hit the road" and be back in New York City, back in those arms but under different circumstances.
Her cell phone ringing breaks her reverie. She hadn't gotten any further then the entrance to the diner, so she moves down the sidewalk and grabs the phone out of her purse.
"Hello" she already knew who it was; the FBI gave her the phone when she went into the program. Lydia, her FBI liaison, is calling to give her an update.
"They did.... When....." astonishment is clear in Alex's voice. The FBI had found the body of the Drug lord that had shot her, floating in the Hudson earlier that morning.
"So this means I can go home right?" Home, she thought to her self, to Olivia, and her old job, and her life. Lydia wanted to meet with her later to finalize the details, but yes she would probably be on the earliest flight they could book her for.
Alex had the day off from work but was too filled with nervous energy to just go home, so she decided to walk Main Street. There were a couple of nice antique shops that she wanted to stop in and see if she could find something to get for Don, Elliot, Munch, and Fin. She already knew what she was getting for Olivia, they hadn't told each other their feelings for the other, but that was Alex's intent. She was going to give Olivia a night on the town complete with drinks, dinner, and a show. Alex just hoped that it would be enough to let the other woman know how she felt. Now she just had to figure out how she was going explain the last year and a half to the detectives that she thought about everyday.
Sitting in the airport the next day waiting to catch the connecting plane that would take her home gave Alex the time she needed to think about everything that had happened. She had gone from A.D.A Alex Cabot to unknown college professor, and back in the time it normally takes for a person to get settled into their job. Alex would tell the detectives the truth. Right after the ambulance had gotten her to the hospital the doctors realized that the wound was not life threatening, and the FBI was called in to get her into the Witness Protection Program so that the man who had already made one attempt on her life wouldn't have the opportunity to try it again. Alex prayed that they would all understand. She knew she had put them through a lot, Lydia said in order for the word to get around that "Alex Cabot" had died they held a funeral. She had mentioned that all of the detectives from the SVU had been in attendance, with Cragen, Elliot, Munch, and Fin all being "Pal-Bearers", and they had all been on emotional roller coasters. At the time Alex had heard this it twisted her heart into knots, knowing that all the people that were closest to her were grieving for nothing really. She had to make a conscienceous effort not to call them all and tell them then what was going on.
Her plane touched down at LaGuardia Airport 2 hours later, and all Alex could think about was getting to the SVU office and seeing everyone. So that is exactly what she did. It didn't take long to get a cab, and after she gave the address she sat back for the ride. When the taxi reached it destination Alex paid the driver got out and stood on the sidewalk just looking up at the building glad to be home. She went inside, walking as if she owned the place, straight up to where she knew everyone would be. As the elevator doors slid open she stood in awe and watched from a perspective she didn't get too often, that of an outsider. The bustle and hum of activity was amazing and yet it looked to her to be a choreographed dance, one she hoped to join in sooner rather then later. Alex walked through the doors to the main squad room and everything stopped. Olivia looked up to see who had come in, and almost passed out. Alex's eyes connected with the other woman's and saw pure happiness, and love reflected back at her. Cragen walked out of his office to see what was going on, and stopped dead in his tracks. Alex finally got the courage to speak
"Hi everyone," she started out shakily, "I'm sure you are all wondering what a supposedly dead woman is doing in your office, so I will explain" She let out a breath and went on. "A year and a half ago I sent a man to prison on charges of selling drugs, this man was rather high up on the chain, and the man above him came after me. So I went into hiding, and just found out yesterday that the man who shot me was found dead in the Hudson River, and it was safe for me to come home." This statement was followed by shouts of happiness, and tears of joy. Alex managed to make her way to the desks grouped in one corner of the room where she knew she would find the people she loved and cared for the most. Olivia stood up and grabbed her in the biggest, warmest hug she had ever gotten
"I missed you, don't you ever do that to me again I drove myself crazy with grief over you." Olivia whispered tearily.
"I wont I promise." Alex responded, her voice filled with emotions she couldn't name.
As the excitement waned Olivia went into the captains office to request the rest of the day and week off. She had a lot of catching up to do with a certain A.D.A., and wasn't sure how long it would take. Cragen knew how the past year and a half had affected Olivia, and realized then that the two women were in love with each other. He quickly granted her as much time as she needed and Olivia was out the door. With barely an explanation to her partner Olivia grabbed Alex and was out the door in record time. Once they were safely ensconced on the elevator they grabbed hold of each other, and both tried to talk at the same time.
Alex spoke up first wanting to get her emotions out on the table. "Olivia, the whole time I was gone I thought of nothing and no one but you. I felt worse then you can imagine at having left you with no explanation. I love you so much," was all she could get out before the elevator came to a stop on the ground floor. Once they got out of the building it was Olivia's turn
"I couldn't let myself believe you were actually gone, I never really did get used to the fact, it just didn't sit well with me. Now that I have you back I don't ever intend to let you go. I love you more then words can express." She stated all in one breath, glad she could finally say it out loud.
The two women hugged happy to be going on the journey together. They hailed a taxi, and decided to go to Olivia's. During the ride Olivia asked
"So do you still have your apartment here, or did you have to give it up when you left?"
"No," Alex stated sadly, "I had to give it up on the pretense that I was dead, and wouldn't need it anymore. The FBI is putting me up at the Powers Plaza, on the Upper East Side till I find a place though."
"Well, they wont have to foot the bill, I would love it if you would move in with me" Olivia gushed excitedly.
"Ok, I like the idea of being able to go to sleep, and wake up knowing you will be right there." Alex replied.
They got Alex's few bags up to Olivia's apartment in no time after which Olivia decided to put the CD player on. She set it to "random play" and settled on the couch to wait for the food they ordered to arrive. Olivia had gone on a CD buying spree shortly after Alex left, buying every album with anything resembling a love song on it. She had also gotten some good recommendations from Fin, and Elliot. Among the selection was the Soundtrack to the movie How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days, which was playing now, the song: Feels Like Home. As they listened to it Alex and Olivia moved so that Alex had her head resting in Olivia's lap, both realizing the truth to the lyrics. In each other they had found Home, and it was All they Needed.
A window breaks, down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light
If you knew how much this moment means to me,
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone this much.
All I Need
She sits alone in the booth at the diner she has come to think of as a second home. At least for the last year and a half it had been, since she went into the Witness Protection Program. Since she moved to this God- forsaken town in the middle of nowhere, she hadn't gotten a good nights sleep. It was too quiet she missed the constant noise of the city. Listening to the music on the radio she hears a song that hits home in more ways then one.
That may be all I need.
In darkness she is all I see.
So come and rest your bones with me,
Driving slow on Sunday morning and I never want to leave.
"Olivia" Alex whispers quietly. Saying the name like a prayer to whatever Gods may be listening. The waitress comes back to fill her coffee mug, she is lost so deep in her thoughts she doesn't even notice. Alex curses the man that has forced her so far away from the one person she needs. 'When did my feelings for Olivia get so deep?', the blonde asks herself, already knowing the answer, it had happened in the few months leading up to the shooting that forced Alex to leave. They would pass each other little glances whenever Alex was in the squad room; on their days off they had started going to lunch together. Alex laughs a little to herself remembering the night they had decided to go out for drinks, they somehow managed to catch a cab and ended up at Olivia's apartment sitting on the sofa giggling at absolutely nothing.
But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do.
I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew,
That someday it would lead me back to you.
That someday it would lead me back to you.
Alex wipes the tear away from her eye before it has a chance to escape. Realizing that she had let the memories get too close to the surface, she knows she has to do something to try to forget them. They are in her past, a past she doesn't think she will ever be able to get back to. Getting up from the table she throws some money down knowing she needs to get out, get away from the song that she knows she will never forget. Its truth screams in her face. Each night when she closes her eyes first she sees the darkness, then those chocolate eyes so filled with what Alex hoped was love, then as the knowledge that the woman in her arms was dying fear would cross Olivia's eyes. She wishes she could just "hit the road" and be back in New York City, back in those arms but under different circumstances.
Her cell phone ringing breaks her reverie. She hadn't gotten any further then the entrance to the diner, so she moves down the sidewalk and grabs the phone out of her purse.
"Hello" she already knew who it was; the FBI gave her the phone when she went into the program. Lydia, her FBI liaison, is calling to give her an update.
"They did.... When....." astonishment is clear in Alex's voice. The FBI had found the body of the Drug lord that had shot her, floating in the Hudson earlier that morning.
"So this means I can go home right?" Home, she thought to her self, to Olivia, and her old job, and her life. Lydia wanted to meet with her later to finalize the details, but yes she would probably be on the earliest flight they could book her for.
Alex had the day off from work but was too filled with nervous energy to just go home, so she decided to walk Main Street. There were a couple of nice antique shops that she wanted to stop in and see if she could find something to get for Don, Elliot, Munch, and Fin. She already knew what she was getting for Olivia, they hadn't told each other their feelings for the other, but that was Alex's intent. She was going to give Olivia a night on the town complete with drinks, dinner, and a show. Alex just hoped that it would be enough to let the other woman know how she felt. Now she just had to figure out how she was going explain the last year and a half to the detectives that she thought about everyday.
Sitting in the airport the next day waiting to catch the connecting plane that would take her home gave Alex the time she needed to think about everything that had happened. She had gone from A.D.A Alex Cabot to unknown college professor, and back in the time it normally takes for a person to get settled into their job. Alex would tell the detectives the truth. Right after the ambulance had gotten her to the hospital the doctors realized that the wound was not life threatening, and the FBI was called in to get her into the Witness Protection Program so that the man who had already made one attempt on her life wouldn't have the opportunity to try it again. Alex prayed that they would all understand. She knew she had put them through a lot, Lydia said in order for the word to get around that "Alex Cabot" had died they held a funeral. She had mentioned that all of the detectives from the SVU had been in attendance, with Cragen, Elliot, Munch, and Fin all being "Pal-Bearers", and they had all been on emotional roller coasters. At the time Alex had heard this it twisted her heart into knots, knowing that all the people that were closest to her were grieving for nothing really. She had to make a conscienceous effort not to call them all and tell them then what was going on.
Her plane touched down at LaGuardia Airport 2 hours later, and all Alex could think about was getting to the SVU office and seeing everyone. So that is exactly what she did. It didn't take long to get a cab, and after she gave the address she sat back for the ride. When the taxi reached it destination Alex paid the driver got out and stood on the sidewalk just looking up at the building glad to be home. She went inside, walking as if she owned the place, straight up to where she knew everyone would be. As the elevator doors slid open she stood in awe and watched from a perspective she didn't get too often, that of an outsider. The bustle and hum of activity was amazing and yet it looked to her to be a choreographed dance, one she hoped to join in sooner rather then later. Alex walked through the doors to the main squad room and everything stopped. Olivia looked up to see who had come in, and almost passed out. Alex's eyes connected with the other woman's and saw pure happiness, and love reflected back at her. Cragen walked out of his office to see what was going on, and stopped dead in his tracks. Alex finally got the courage to speak
"Hi everyone," she started out shakily, "I'm sure you are all wondering what a supposedly dead woman is doing in your office, so I will explain" She let out a breath and went on. "A year and a half ago I sent a man to prison on charges of selling drugs, this man was rather high up on the chain, and the man above him came after me. So I went into hiding, and just found out yesterday that the man who shot me was found dead in the Hudson River, and it was safe for me to come home." This statement was followed by shouts of happiness, and tears of joy. Alex managed to make her way to the desks grouped in one corner of the room where she knew she would find the people she loved and cared for the most. Olivia stood up and grabbed her in the biggest, warmest hug she had ever gotten
"I missed you, don't you ever do that to me again I drove myself crazy with grief over you." Olivia whispered tearily.
"I wont I promise." Alex responded, her voice filled with emotions she couldn't name.
As the excitement waned Olivia went into the captains office to request the rest of the day and week off. She had a lot of catching up to do with a certain A.D.A., and wasn't sure how long it would take. Cragen knew how the past year and a half had affected Olivia, and realized then that the two women were in love with each other. He quickly granted her as much time as she needed and Olivia was out the door. With barely an explanation to her partner Olivia grabbed Alex and was out the door in record time. Once they were safely ensconced on the elevator they grabbed hold of each other, and both tried to talk at the same time.
Alex spoke up first wanting to get her emotions out on the table. "Olivia, the whole time I was gone I thought of nothing and no one but you. I felt worse then you can imagine at having left you with no explanation. I love you so much," was all she could get out before the elevator came to a stop on the ground floor. Once they got out of the building it was Olivia's turn
"I couldn't let myself believe you were actually gone, I never really did get used to the fact, it just didn't sit well with me. Now that I have you back I don't ever intend to let you go. I love you more then words can express." She stated all in one breath, glad she could finally say it out loud.
The two women hugged happy to be going on the journey together. They hailed a taxi, and decided to go to Olivia's. During the ride Olivia asked
"So do you still have your apartment here, or did you have to give it up when you left?"
"No," Alex stated sadly, "I had to give it up on the pretense that I was dead, and wouldn't need it anymore. The FBI is putting me up at the Powers Plaza, on the Upper East Side till I find a place though."
"Well, they wont have to foot the bill, I would love it if you would move in with me" Olivia gushed excitedly.
"Ok, I like the idea of being able to go to sleep, and wake up knowing you will be right there." Alex replied.
They got Alex's few bags up to Olivia's apartment in no time after which Olivia decided to put the CD player on. She set it to "random play" and settled on the couch to wait for the food they ordered to arrive. Olivia had gone on a CD buying spree shortly after Alex left, buying every album with anything resembling a love song on it. She had also gotten some good recommendations from Fin, and Elliot. Among the selection was the Soundtrack to the movie How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days, which was playing now, the song: Feels Like Home. As they listened to it Alex and Olivia moved so that Alex had her head resting in Olivia's lap, both realizing the truth to the lyrics. In each other they had found Home, and it was All they Needed.
A window breaks, down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light
If you knew how much this moment means to me,
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone this much.