Harm runs like a racehorse in the Kentucky Derby. His heart pounds as the
adrenaline pulses through his body. The enormity of what has occurred is
finally finding its way to the surface. The gauntlet of emotion begins and
his pace grows faster as each builds on the other.
Frustration-- he is tired of groping in the dark, trying to make sense of faces and places.
Regret—for the hurt he causes not being able to remember people who obviously are a part of his life and care about him.
Anger mingled with fear, over the possibility of never regaining the missing pieces of his life.
Lastly, confusion about the one person he thought could help him find his way out of this mess. Nothing seemed familiar to him outside his mother until he saw her. Looking at Dianne sent a spark of hope and relief that all would be right with the world. His going to her and scooping her up into his arms was as natural to him as breathing. He could feel her returning those same feelings, their connection. Then the foundation crumbled beneath him as she pushed him away, and with such hurt in her eyes.
'Why did she run from me?' His inner voice screams.
Harm finally stops. He walks up and brushes his finger over his father's name.
The car ride home was quiet. Mic decides to leave things alone for a while. That caution he felt at the hospital was creeping up on him and on some level, he is afraid to ask, afraid what he may find out. He saw her face; she was surprised yet very pleased to be in his arms.
Mac unlocks her door, drops her keys on the table and walks over to the window. Mic closes the door and quietly stands behind her. He hesitates, fearful of possible rejection. Yet he gently puts his arms around her waist and pulls her toward him. She leans back into his embrace, resting her temple against him, laying her hands over his.
"I feel so guilty." She sighs.
Trying not to jump to any conclusion of what she is really feeling, he asks "Why?"
"If he hadn't been coming back for the wedding this never would have happened. And he wouldn't be so...so lost."
Mic turns Mac around and looks into her eyes. He needs to see what is going on behind them. He sees sadness in there and the need for comfort and understanding. She was not pushing him away like she had done before so he decides not to give into his insecurity and takes her into his arms and holds her close.
"This isn't your fault Sarah. You know that you couldn't have prevented any of what happened."
She could not admit to herself much less to Mic, the truth. That she thought Harm had made a break though. Hoping with his near death experience so fresh in his mind, he was ready to declare his love for her. She could swear that she felt his love as he held her in his arms. Then to hear him call her Dianne, knowing that those feeling were not for her, broke her heart.
"I just wasn't expecting what happened. Yet it shouldn't have surprised me."
"What do you mean, it shouldn't have surprised you?"
"When Harm was at the Academy, he was involved with a woman who looked very much like me."
"And her name is Dianne."
"Was, she was murdered. And for a while after Harm and I met I thought he was looking at her when he looked at me."
"That must have been awkward for you." He says trying to be understanding.
"It didn't take long for Harm to see me for who I am. It was just when he responded so strongly when he saw me, I thought he had a break through."
"And when he called you Dianne?"
"It hurt to feel like I had never existed."
Now Mac looks into Mic's eyes. She sees his insecurity and knows he needs some reassurance.
"Mic, it's not what you think. Yes, Harm means a lot to me. He is my very dear friend. But I meant what I said at the hospital, I am ready to commit to you. Nothing has changed that."
As Mac holds Mic close, he quells once more the growing sense of caution, telling himself once they are married, everything will be all right.
Sturgis was not able to catch Harm, so he went back upstairs. After the admiral properly introduces Sturgis, Bud and Harriet move toward the door.
"It was good to meet you Commander." Harriet turns to Sturgis and she and Bud walk out.
"Likewise, Lieutenant" Sturgis says shaking their hands, "I look forward to getting to know you."
Renee stands staring out the window.
Trish walks over and puts her hand on her shoulder. "This must be difficult for you."
Renee nods still staring out the window, "I want to help him but I know that I can't." She says with a sad acceptance in her voice.
"I am grateful that you care so much for my son. We all feel a bit helpless right now. However, Harm knows all of us who love him are here whenever he needs us. We just need to be patient and give him time.
Renee knew a little about Harm and Dianne's relationship and Mac's resemblance to her. Yet should could not help but feel hurt by Harm's reaction upon seeing Mac. The way his eyes lit up at her appearance, stirring his wounded soul. It was then she realized that whether he thought he was looking at Dianne or Mac did not matter. Somewhere in his subconscious Mac's presence connected with him. A connection she could no longer fool herself into thinking she would ever have.
Renee picks up her coat and purse and turns to Trish. "I'll be available for Harm if there is anything I can do. But there is only one person who will bring Harm back to himself and we both know that person isn't me."
Trish hugs Renee knowing that she was right. For she too believes, that Mac is the key to bringing Harm's memory back. Renee smiles sadly at Trish and walks silently out the door.
Trish turns back to AJ and Sturgis and hears Sturgis asking, "Sir, do you know why Harm thought that woman was Dianne?"
"Let me fill you in Commander."
"And afterwards, would you do me a favor and go after my son?" Trish asks.
"Yes ma'am. It sounds like you know where he went."
"I know where he'll end up."
Frustration-- he is tired of groping in the dark, trying to make sense of faces and places.
Regret—for the hurt he causes not being able to remember people who obviously are a part of his life and care about him.
Anger mingled with fear, over the possibility of never regaining the missing pieces of his life.
Lastly, confusion about the one person he thought could help him find his way out of this mess. Nothing seemed familiar to him outside his mother until he saw her. Looking at Dianne sent a spark of hope and relief that all would be right with the world. His going to her and scooping her up into his arms was as natural to him as breathing. He could feel her returning those same feelings, their connection. Then the foundation crumbled beneath him as she pushed him away, and with such hurt in her eyes.
'Why did she run from me?' His inner voice screams.
Harm finally stops. He walks up and brushes his finger over his father's name.
The car ride home was quiet. Mic decides to leave things alone for a while. That caution he felt at the hospital was creeping up on him and on some level, he is afraid to ask, afraid what he may find out. He saw her face; she was surprised yet very pleased to be in his arms.
Mac unlocks her door, drops her keys on the table and walks over to the window. Mic closes the door and quietly stands behind her. He hesitates, fearful of possible rejection. Yet he gently puts his arms around her waist and pulls her toward him. She leans back into his embrace, resting her temple against him, laying her hands over his.
"I feel so guilty." She sighs.
Trying not to jump to any conclusion of what she is really feeling, he asks "Why?"
"If he hadn't been coming back for the wedding this never would have happened. And he wouldn't be so...so lost."
Mic turns Mac around and looks into her eyes. He needs to see what is going on behind them. He sees sadness in there and the need for comfort and understanding. She was not pushing him away like she had done before so he decides not to give into his insecurity and takes her into his arms and holds her close.
"This isn't your fault Sarah. You know that you couldn't have prevented any of what happened."
She could not admit to herself much less to Mic, the truth. That she thought Harm had made a break though. Hoping with his near death experience so fresh in his mind, he was ready to declare his love for her. She could swear that she felt his love as he held her in his arms. Then to hear him call her Dianne, knowing that those feeling were not for her, broke her heart.
"I just wasn't expecting what happened. Yet it shouldn't have surprised me."
"What do you mean, it shouldn't have surprised you?"
"When Harm was at the Academy, he was involved with a woman who looked very much like me."
"And her name is Dianne."
"Was, she was murdered. And for a while after Harm and I met I thought he was looking at her when he looked at me."
"That must have been awkward for you." He says trying to be understanding.
"It didn't take long for Harm to see me for who I am. It was just when he responded so strongly when he saw me, I thought he had a break through."
"And when he called you Dianne?"
"It hurt to feel like I had never existed."
Now Mac looks into Mic's eyes. She sees his insecurity and knows he needs some reassurance.
"Mic, it's not what you think. Yes, Harm means a lot to me. He is my very dear friend. But I meant what I said at the hospital, I am ready to commit to you. Nothing has changed that."
As Mac holds Mic close, he quells once more the growing sense of caution, telling himself once they are married, everything will be all right.
Sturgis was not able to catch Harm, so he went back upstairs. After the admiral properly introduces Sturgis, Bud and Harriet move toward the door.
"It was good to meet you Commander." Harriet turns to Sturgis and she and Bud walk out.
"Likewise, Lieutenant" Sturgis says shaking their hands, "I look forward to getting to know you."
Renee stands staring out the window.
Trish walks over and puts her hand on her shoulder. "This must be difficult for you."
Renee nods still staring out the window, "I want to help him but I know that I can't." She says with a sad acceptance in her voice.
"I am grateful that you care so much for my son. We all feel a bit helpless right now. However, Harm knows all of us who love him are here whenever he needs us. We just need to be patient and give him time.
Renee knew a little about Harm and Dianne's relationship and Mac's resemblance to her. Yet should could not help but feel hurt by Harm's reaction upon seeing Mac. The way his eyes lit up at her appearance, stirring his wounded soul. It was then she realized that whether he thought he was looking at Dianne or Mac did not matter. Somewhere in his subconscious Mac's presence connected with him. A connection she could no longer fool herself into thinking she would ever have.
Renee picks up her coat and purse and turns to Trish. "I'll be available for Harm if there is anything I can do. But there is only one person who will bring Harm back to himself and we both know that person isn't me."
Trish hugs Renee knowing that she was right. For she too believes, that Mac is the key to bringing Harm's memory back. Renee smiles sadly at Trish and walks silently out the door.
Trish turns back to AJ and Sturgis and hears Sturgis asking, "Sir, do you know why Harm thought that woman was Dianne?"
"Let me fill you in Commander."
"And afterwards, would you do me a favor and go after my son?" Trish asks.
"Yes ma'am. It sounds like you know where he went."
"I know where he'll end up."