Read: The "cages or wings" dialogue is from Jonathon Larson's "Louder Than Words" from Tick Tick Boom.
Thanks: To you wonderful reviewers and a special thanks to Suzy. Thanks for believing in my work and reading this without knowing a thing about Rent :). Ily.
-Chapter 3: Louder Than Words-
Love is the greatest four letter word in the English language. It is, however, dominated by the worst word: hate. Think about each person living and breathing on the face of this planet. Generally, when a person strikes up a conversation, it's more or less directed at whatever is ailing them at the current moment. Does anyone ever call someone up and say, "I really love my apartment! I have clean dishes, a working telephone, and a stove! Boy, I'm one of the luckiest people on the earth!"? No, of course no one does. Instead, it is replaced with, "I hate this shithole of an apartment. The dishwasher isn't working, my telephone bill is overdue, and my stove doesn't cook properly. I hate my life.". Why are we all so negative? Don't think I'm preaching, I'm really not. I am just as bad as the next man. It just seems that we build our lives up for so much more than being unappreciative of the "little" things in life.
There are, as always, a few exceptions. No one I have ever met has ever been more wise and loving when it comes to this world than Collins. This, however, came about more solidly after the death of Angel. He realized that he needed to take over where his beautiful Angel left off. I suppose, at one time or another in each of our lives, we realize that we cannot live life through our memories. We need to live in the moment, make our own memories. It's amazing, when I walk down the street with Collins, he seems so reserved and quiet. Then it happens. A loudmouthed guy humiliates his girlfriend in the middle of the sidewalk. A bitter mother reprimands her innocent daughter with a slap across the face. Maybe a young employee is being burned by his new boss just from forgetting to add an extra pepperoni to the deep dish pizza. For whatever reason each injustice is served, Collins always feels the need to add his subtle but powerful perspective.
"Cages or wings, which do you prefer?" Collins asks. The reaction is always the same. Each person stops their momentary explosion to give him a 'what the hell are you talking about?' look. He only smiles in return.
"Ask the birds."
As he begins to walk around the corner and out of their lives, he gives them one last profound line.
"Actions speak louder than words."
That's all it takes. One little line to completely change a person. I wonder when Collins came to this conclusion. Probably in the arms of the person that changed him. I can't imagine anywhere else where a person can have such a deep understanding of one's self than wrapped in the embrace of a lover. Too bad people can't appreciate loving relationships enough to stay together. People are frightened of such a bond. After all, we have worked ourselves so far in life, why waste it on someone else, right? A cold relationship with little to no passion and absolutely no communication has a longer life than a sacred marriage. And why is that? Why do we stay with lovers who we know down deep just aren't right? I know I've been more or less a loner since Maureen left me. I try to hide any and all loneliness from those surrounding me. My priority has always been to my sick friends, mainly Roger. I need to be the strong and accessible one for when the worst happens. God, I can't even think about the worst. It's just too negative.
One would assume, looking at Collins' age while knowing of his condition, that he would be the deepest, darkest depressed one of us all. Somehow he's always managed to look towards the better. He's dying. His lover has already passed on, leaving him more or less alone in the world, and he is the oldest one of the group. What does he have to look positively to?
"I am the luckiest man on earth." he said to me once on a lunch break at the Life. Without waiting for my input, he continued. "I wish everyone could have such an amazing relationship like I had with Angel. She was truly Godsend."
His eyes shifted quickly back and forth, almost as though he was fighting back tears. A typical person might see this as sadness at the thought of his Angel, but I knew in the back my mind that it was overwhelming happiness. Angel never really left Collins. They'd always be together, even if separated by death. Angel lived and breathed in every action of Collins and they were, without a doubt, the most amazing couple.
"What about you, Mark?" he always seems so concerned about me, which I never understand. I am the healthy one.
"When are you going to give love a try? You can't keep hiding behind your camera. You have so much to offer." he sipped his coffee as he waited for my reply. I knew all too well that this was an argument I would never win, so I gave in.
"I'll think about it." I replied, sipping my hot tea. I wanted to dive into that cup of tea. I wanted to escape those questions and hide myself and Collins from the truth. Collins only chuckled in that low, throaty tone of his.
"Actions speak louder than words."
How is it that he can always say what you don't want but need to hear? I always want to argue my point with him, really make him see my perspective. I never seem to find the words. It just never seems worth it. Life is just too short to waste over something so miniscule. He's my friend and I love him. Besides, each morning, love is a much greater word to wake up to then hate.